Episode 232: How To Overcome The Biggest Parenting Mistakes with Rebecca Greene

Welcome to the Winey Palooza Parenting and Marriage Summit. This is the host husband, Seth Green, and technical producer. I get the wonderful, wonderful honor of introducing my amazing wife for her session today. Let's see, Rebecca Green has a master's in social work. She was a— not only a marriage and family counselor, she then graduated to supervising and training marriage and family counselor. She had one of the highest close rates in helping families solve their problems and not needing her help anymore ever, which is absolutely fantastic. She is a blog— one of the top 100 mommy bloggers. She is a podcaster. She is a live vlogger. She is a now 2-time bestselling author and your Winey Palooza Parenting and Marriage Summit host. Rebecca, I can't wait to hear how we can overcome common parenting mistakes.

Thank you, honey. And if you could all help me in the chat, can we all please say thank you to Seth? Because I'm going to be honest with you right now, Seth spent days and days putting this together. And he's my producer. I call him my manager. He works me hard. And when he came up with this idea for the summit, I was like, oh man, what is he doing now? And quite frankly, my wonderful friends are texting me that I'm glowing because I'm so happy because this day has been amazing. The presenters have been amazing. The experience has been amazing. It makes me want to sit at my computer every day, all day, and just listen to wonderful women and to just hear from all of you. So I can't thank you enough. For being here with me today. This has been magical. Thank you, Seth. Oh boy. Okay, so I want to start with, we all make mistakes. Okay, all of us. It's the human experience. I'm never going to be perfect. So we all make mistakes every day. So the purpose of this topic, overcoming parenting mistakes, is not to make you feel bad about yourself. It is to empower us to overcome them every day. And every time that we make a mistake, it's a learning experience to try to do better the next time, because the universe is wonderful at giving us the chance to try again. So I'm going to start with something that I have been so guilty of, especially when my children were young. I'm going to be honest and tell you all that I thought that self-care was selfish. We need to stop thinking that self-care is selfish. I didn't want to go out with my friends. I didn't want to go get the manicure. I didn't want to go do stuff because then I felt bad leaving my kids. So Sandy understands. So I know I'm not alone. And I really want you all to know that I was there. I thought that I was being selfish and I wanted to be anything but selfish for my children. Then I started realizing that famous line that I was pouring from an empty cup. How can we be a good mom if we are pouring from an empty cup? I need to do things like today. Like, this is amazing to me, getting to share with you and be with all of you and do something for me. This is for me. I learned to be a better person today and I am spending time on myself and I am taking time with my friends and I am going for the manicure. If you can see me and my nails, manicures are my thing. I take care of myself and I do I do things for myself and then I see that it makes me a better person. So that's the first parenting mistake that a lot of us are making. This summit is self-care, Sandy. I totally agree. And I'm trying to watch your comments as I'm talking. Mistake number 2 is stop thinking that you need to entertain your children all the time. And again, I'm guilty of all of these mistakes. I thought I was doing so much better and then my daughter was having a fit to go ice skating, and I had my own list of what I needed to get done, and she was having a fit, and I was like, I don't need to entertain her. I know that I spend quality time with my kids. I know that I will probably take her ice skating this weekend coming up, but they need downtime. They need time for homework. They need time to be creative. Being bored Not so bad. I used to feel so bad if they told me they were bored. Go find something to do. I am not the entertainment committee. Okay, that is not your job. I need to be more fun like my husband. Boredom breeds creativity. Sarah, that is exactly what a therapist told me, is that we want our kids to be bored. I see my daughter go play with her dolls. She'll set up a whole— she's 10 years old, and I'm so glad that she still loves her dolls because we have spent a lot of money on all her stuff. So I see her set up all her stuff and make a restaurant and let them be bored. Let them get creative. And let's move on to number 3. Stop thinking that your children aren't listening to you. We are all guilty of this. Sandy and Jamie, type again what you want me to talk about because Sandy just said yes, Jamie. So stop thinking that your children aren't listening to you. They are listening. You are planting seeds. You might not, you might not see them. You might not see your results right away. You might not see that they're listening to you right away. But even like a month later, my son will say something and I'll be like, oh, he really was listening to me. And I want you to know how to deal with demanding children. Okay, so Going back to the entertainment committee, you need to not feel guilty saying no. If he gets upset, that's okay. Let him be upset. He's allowed to be upset. You're allowed to say no, and he doesn't need to be entertained 24 hours a day. Will he be a pain in the ass? Probably. Do you wanna take him skiing? Take him skiing. You wanna take him to his friend's house? Take him. If you want to say no, it is okay for us to say no. We are not a bad parent. It is okay to take care of us sometimes. I didn't want to go ice skating. No, Lily, I'm not going to take you ice skating. Did I feel bad about it? Yes. Do I need to feel bad about it? No way. And I love this idea of if you're bored, you can give them suggestions. Absolutely. But they should be able to come up with something to do. So anyways, your children are listening to you. Even if you think they're not listening to you, I promise that if you're being calm, you're planting really important things into their brain that might register at a later date. They will also listen the calmer you are. They will also listen more the stronger your bond is with them. So you really want to spend time creating a strong bond with your child because that is what's going to get them to listen. Not the punishments, not the yelling. The bond is like, I love my mom, I want to listen to her. And sometimes they're not going to listen, guys, and that's not the end of the world. They're kids. Talk about forced family fun. Oh yeah, so I have this thing in my home called forced family fun because I like to do things with my whole family and if I let them, the teenagers. My kids, my son's about to turn 16, my daughter's 13, about to be 14, and my youngest is 10. And if I give them a choice, the 10-year-old is the only one who's probably going to want to come out with my husband and I. So I will say family time is important, Sandy, and I prioritize it and I force it. And usually when I force them, they have a good time. Like, I will force everyone to go skiing. I will force everyone to go ice skating this weekend. But I don't always force it. So like, we went to my daughter's chorus concert last night and I did not force my son to come. So the next parenting mistake, number 4, stop telling them and start showing them. We are all guilty of this. Oh my gosh, I'll tell them to eat healthy and then I'll turn around and have a cookie. Come on now, how is that good parenting? Am I going to be perfect? Never. But If I don't want my kids to yell, then I have to show them how I'm able to do that when I am upset and reactive, how I need to talk it through and tell them what I'm doing. Okay, I'm feeling— lead by example, Sarah says. It's like so important because they don't really care as much what you're saying as what you're doing. And it's like Emma Lou said earlier in her presentation, they're watching us whether we know it or not. They are watching us. So we want to show them, and if I don't want my kids to yell, then I need to focus on calming myself so that they learn how to do it themselves. My husband bought my daughter Lily a journal, and she came over to me so proud to show me her journal, and she said, "I see Dad writing in his journal, and I journaled last night." Like, she was so proud of herself, and she's modeling what he's doing. So you want them to exercise? Show them. So lead by example, everyone. This leads us to stop parenting when you are reactive. This is— if you can take one thing away from this, number 5 is the biggest tool to increasing your parenting effectiveness and being a better parent. Stop parenting when you're reactive. I didn't sleep the other night, and I get up super early to, um, get the whole morning routine going. So I like rolled out of bed and I was like so exhausted. And, um, yes, that's really good. She wants her daughter to learn to value herself, and she wants to be a good example for her daughter. So if we value ourselves and we show them how, then they'll learn that too. So I roll out of bed and I am so exhausted and I can feel the crankiness and I can feel that I am like, I know I am aware. I am aware in my brain. I know I am being so short with my family and my kids are like, wow, she is grouchy today. So I am like, OK, you didn't sleep. Stop the negative self-talk. I just knew, Sandy. I knew I was having a rough morning. I knew I was taking it out. On my, on my child, on my children, on my husband. So I removed myself and I took some deep breaths and I was like, okay, you like have some compassion and grace for yourself. You're tired, you're cranky, you didn't sleep last night. You don't need to take it out on your family. Like, get it together. We have to be aware that we're becoming reactive. I can tell, I can feel it in my chest, like start to build. Like we have to know what to look for. Like I can feel my tightness, I can feel my jaw. My husband's always telling me to release my jaw. So become aware of what your reactivity feels like in your body, and that is your sign to remove yourself. And taking a moment is self-care, 100%. It's like my best self-care, Ruth. I totally agree. So I will say to Lily, because it's usually Lily, who I love dearly, but we butt heads. And I'm aware of this, so I will say to Lily, you have to back off. Like, I'm going away, we have to take a timeout, this isn't going to go well because if we keep butting heads, it escalates and that doesn't get us anywhere. They're not going to listen if we're being reactive. Our goal is mama needs a timeout. Forget— Sandy has a Lily too. I think everyone has a Lily. I think it's rare to not have a Lily and she's She's so wonderful and she's so passionate and her passion goes high and her passion goes low. And so our goal is calm communication and calm teaching. So start to be aware of yourself. And if you can take anything away from this today, stop parenting when you're reactive. It's not successful. Number 6, my spirited child. I think it's good to be spirited. I actually have like, I think it's wonderful because I wasn't like that as a kid. So I think it's really cool that she has it and I hope I can teach her to use that for good in this world. We just have to survive parenting them. So number 6, stop thinking that your children come first, which comes with the self-care that was number 1. But we tend to put our kids above our marriage too. Our kids want us to give attention to ourselves and our kids want us to give attention to our marriage. Elaine, who you are going to hear from tomorrow, I had her on my podcast and I remember her telling me this story about this mom who was feeling guilty about working out. So she stopped working out and her kids were like, please, please, for the love of God, go work out because she was so cranky and her kids were like, oh God, mom needs to go work out. So your kids want you to take care of yourself and they want you to take care of their marriage, of your marriage, because your marriage and yourself is the foundation and it's what gives your kids security. And they want you to be okay. They want your marriage to be okay. And we're teaching them how to be married. We're teaching them how to take care of themselves and their marriage. So remember your marriage. Put yourself in your marriage and then your kids. Take care of yourself, take care of your marriage, then take care of your kids in that order. Okay, stop buying them presents. That's number 7. And give them more of your presence. And I, I'm going to keep telling you that I've learned a lot of this along the way myself. I kept buying them things, you know, they want this, they want that. Do I spoil my kids too much? Uh-huh. And that's not what kids need. I mean, think back to your childhood. Do you remember what your parents bought you? I don't remember what my parents bought you, but I remember them spending time with me. I remember them taking me out of school to go skiing. I remember them listening to me when I was upset. I remember them taking me to Disney World. Materialistic things don't matter, Sarah, like 150%. Do we want myself, marriage, kids? Yes, that's the list. That's the list. So even 15 minutes of quality time makes such a difference in your kids' lives. I don't want you to think that it's this big, huge thing. We do not want to encourage materialism. Absolutely. And, you know, I noticed that, like, I can take them for boba tea. Am I buying them something? Yes, but it's not very expensive. It's a one-on-one date and all the stuff, you know, seeing my husband play guitar with my daughter, playing chess with my daughter, going to play pool with our son, like seeing the moments and the memories that we're making with them. They want our presence. They might ask for stuff, but I want you to know that your presence is so much more important than what you're buying them. So number 8, stop nagging and talking about problems and issues constantly with your children. And I wish I could give this psychologist credit because she's the one who did this little rendition of a mother and like totally woke me up to being a better parent. Like, she did this rendition of a mother, I think it was on TikTok. Um, you know, my girls have gotten me into TikTok and there's a lot of useful parenting and marriage stuff on there. And she was walking around the house going Pick that up. Did you do your homework? Did you brush your teeth? Do you know that you have a dentist appointment today? When is that test you were telling me about? And why is your room still dirty? Oh my gosh, her rendition of a mother was spot on and hysterical. And I was like, I wouldn't want to talk to me either. I sound annoying. We need to make sure we are spending time talking to them about good stuff, like, you know, the book they're reading, the movie they want to see, the friend that they just made, the vacation that we're planning. We need to talk to our kids about good stuff and normal stuff and pay attention to what you're saying to them throughout the day. Are you saying, like, clean up your room? Put your dishes in the sink, put your socks where they go. You forgot you have a dentist appointment. They're not gonna want to talk to you. They're gonna want to avoid you. So I would want to avoid me too if that's how I sounded. So we don't want to do that. We want to make our kids want to talk to us. So don't be annoying. Drill sergeant. Okay, number 9. Feeling guilty. Oh my gosh, can we take the guilt from all the mothers that are here today? Can we just throw it out the window? Stop feeling guilty when you are at work. OK, so Seth, I am going to give you a lot of credit right now because I asked him about balance because Seth is really good at balance. But he says that balance isn't what it is about. He said something that changed my life and he doesn't know that. He probably learned this from someone. He said that when he's at work, he's at work. When he's home, he's at home. And he doesn't feel guilty. I mean, dads, dads have an easier time with this, but moms need to take, take notes, is that when he's at work, he doesn't feel guilty that he's not at home unless his wife calls him that, that she's crying and he needs to come home. And when he's at home, he doesn't feel guilty that he's not at work. And that is the key to not feeling guilty. If you are a stay-at-home mother and you feel guilty that you are not earning money, that is a conversation to have with your partner. Seth and I made the decision 16 years ago. It was a really hard decision, but I quit a job that I really loved because I wanted to stay home with our son. And it was a conversation that I wasn't going to be bringing in any money and I didn't, I mean, I felt a little bit guilty because all the weight was put on Seth, but it is priorities. It is a discussion. It is a what, what do we want for our family? It is the hardest job ever. Absolutely. And we should never feel guilty because we are contributing to our family in amazing ways. My husband says to me regularly that our kids wouldn't be who they are today if I didn't stay home with them. So remove the guilt. I'm gonna tell you about a mom, very successful mom. She's a judge and she was at school with me going on a field trip, telling me how guilty she was feeling that she wasn't gonna go on the next field trip. Oh, Sandy, no guilt, no guilt. That's a conversation for you and your husband to come to a resolution. And if he and if you two agree that you are to be home with the kids, focusing on the house and the kids, kids and the errands and everything. It's, it's endless. If that's the— if that's what you two came to, then get rid of that guilt. That was a decision that you did for your family, and you are doing something good for your family.

Can I chime in?

I want to get back to the judge after you chime in.

Yes, I'm— if you chose to stay home, you— and you say you're not generating an income, unless he's beating you up, unless he's saying you're not generating income, I'm mad at you. Don't beat yourself up because if you add up, I read an article in the newspaper once that said, here's all of the jobs a stay-at-home mom does and how much you would have to pay somebody else, a stranger, to do the same jobs, like cooking, cleaning, logistics, driving the kids around. Like it added up, it was like a couple hundred thousand dollars. Like it's funny, when we got married and had kids and I made Rebecca get life insurance and she's like, I know we need life insurance on you. 'Cause at the time I was a sole breadwinner before she started her blog and everything. But she said, why do we need life insurance on me? I'm not making any money. I said, because I'd have to— you're irreplaceable and I'd have to hire like 3 or 4 people to do what you do every day. And that would cost me a ton of money. So Sandy and any of you other moms out there, do not feel guilty if you're not making money. You are contributing in ways that might even be more than the salary you gave up to do what you did.

It's so valuable. What we're doing with our children, being home with them, is so valuable. And I want you to know that if you are at work and you're feeling guilty that you're not with your kids, you are contributing to your self-development and to your family. So we need to find ways to feel good about whatever it is we're doing. We're telling ourselves stories. So tell yourself a story that's gonna take away your guilt 'cause you don't deserve the guilt and you deserve to live in a happy place in your brain every day. So the field trip. And thank you, Liz. The field trip, the judge who was telling me on a field trip how guilty she felt that she wasn't going on the next field trip. And I'm telling you this story to show you how absurd us women are. And I was like, are you kidding me right now? I mean, you're a— she's a busy judge who took time off to go on a field trip with her kids. How about giving yourself a pat on the back for being there for a field trip and not tearing yourself down for not being able to go on the next field trip. How about the working mom who took off to do lunch duty with me, came and saw her son and looked at me and apologized and said, "Oh, I feel so bad. I have to go back to work now." How about, "I am a good mom. I took a little time off to come see my son and do a little segment of lunch duty, and that's good enough, and I did a really good thing." Instead of beating herself up, she couldn't finish her shift. So I'm telling you that no matter what position you're in, if you're working, if you're home, if you're working part-time, we can all find reasons to feel guilty. And I want you to find reasons to feel good about yourself, because we're all doing good things for our family. Number 10, we need to stop judging ourselves. I just did a whole blog on self-compassion. And I've been working really hard on talking, giving myself the same love, understanding, grace, and compassion that I I give to everyone else in this universe, because why do I think that everybody else deserves it and I don't? That's a crock of crap, and I deserve it too, and I'm a good person, and I'm going to treat myself how I treat my best friend. So number 10, stop doing everything for your children. And my friends who are on here are going to laugh hysterically at me because I love taking care of my kids. However, As much as we love taking care of them and fixing things, that doesn't teach them. So we need to teach them life skills that they can go out in this world and be a successful person. So when my son kicks me out of the kitchen and says, "I'm making my own lunch," I'm like— oh, I'm kicking my microphone— awesome, go for it, take it off my plate. He wants to cook for himself. My friends have told me to teach my kids how to do the laundry, and my washing machine is very expensive, and I can be too controlling, and I don't really want them to touch my washing machine, but let them do things. Jamie understands drawing the line. I just had to get my kids off. Yup, yup. Yep, gotta give them more responsibility, 100%. They, they need to learn life skills to go out into this world. So what do I want them to learn? So a perfect example is a conflict at school. So what can I do? I can talk to them about problem-solving skills. I can talk to them about coping skills, how they can cope with it. I can give them skills. I can role-play with them. I can't go do it for them. They have to go to school by themselves. And how wonderful is it that they can go out and go to school by themselves and be in the world themselves and learn how to navigate through things. So we want them to learn things at home. It's kind of like if they put their laundry away and I don't like how they put their laundry away, I need to back off and I need to be like, good job, thank you for helping me. Build their confidence, reinforce it, and I need to not be controlling and say, I need to refold that and put that away. So we want to teach them life skills. We want to teach them how to handle conflicts, and we want them to learn to do things for themselves, because being a good parent is raising wonderful kids that we're setting free into the universe that do good work and are able to do things for themselves. Uh, number 11, don't take your kids' behavior personally. Do you know how long this took me to learn? My kids, you know, my youngest would get like super reactive and I would be like, I would even say to her, do you know what I did for you today? How could you treat me like this? I mean, if I had a tape recorder in my house, that would be fun if you could hear like some of the things that I have said. But I'm like, how can they dare ever treat me like this with everything I do for them? And I'm home for them and I drive them and You just got in my car. I just came to school to pick you up and you just got in the car and are being nasty to me. You can take the bus if this is how you're going to treat me. Like, I would just get so upset. And then I started to realize that their behavior has nothing to do with me. In fact, she just came home the other day and was so mean to me that I texted Seth that I was crying. And I just didn't have the emotional stamina to deal with her. And it came out like 2 hours later that someone was mean to her at school. So do you see that it had nothing to do with me? So when your child is reacting, did they have a bad day at school? Did they eat? Are they tired? Um, are they allowed to treat you that way? No. But you can tell them, you know, our reaction to our kids is what makes them a good— is what makes us a good parent. Okay, our reaction to our children is what makes us a good parent, not their behavior. Their behavior does not make us a good parent. It's how we handle it. And I don't know about you, but I'm 46 years old and I still struggle with my feelings and I'm still— okay, I will say it again because this is something that I learned that is so important. Our— how we handle our children how we respond to our children is what makes us a good parent, not how they behave. Their behavior doesn't make us a good parent. How we treat their behavior makes us a good parent. And I had to get myself in check and remember that this is not about me. This is not about me. They're probably upset about something. Let them have their feelings. I don't want them to not have their feelings. I don't want to go on the roller coaster with them. I want them to know that I have certain boundaries. Of how they're gonna treat me. I mean, you can't yell at me, scream at me, touch me. Like, I have my boundaries. I need to teach her how to get space and de-escalate. But I also know that at 46 years old, I still struggle with my emotions, my feelings, my reactions. So if I've had 46 years to work on it and I'm still working on it, What do I expect from my 10-year-old? She's learning too. Our kids don't know how to regulate their emotions. We're teaching them. And our brain development, it goes until our 20s. So their brains aren't even fully developed till they're in their 20s. So she's developing her brain. She's learning how to regulate herself. It's my job to guide her and teach her. It's not my job to go on the roller coaster with her. That's not helping. That's making the situation worse. So if I remove my ego, remove myself from the, the reaction, from the behavior, and realize it has nothing to do with me, then I can keep myself calm and able to parent her. So that was number 10. Number 11: focus on teaching them lessons versus being punitive. I am not good with punishments. I'm going to throw myself under the bus. Um, I much more would rather parent my kids through conversations and having a good relationship with them where they want to learn and they want to do better. I'm much better at that than I am at punishing them. But you have to figure out what works for your child. And if you're— if you think your child responds to punishment, then, um, by all means give them a consequence. However, the consequence needs to be teaching them something. The goal is not to be punitive. The goal is to teach them. So I'm gonna Show you with a cell phone how a cell phone could be punitive and how a cell phone could teach them. So you're pissed at them, so you take their cell phone. I'm so angry at you, you've lost your cell phone. Well, you haven't taught them anything by doing that, okay? Now, how I can teach them with their cell phone is, I told you that you only had a couple hours on your cell phone. You've been on your cell phone too long. You need to do your homework. You have other stuff to do. I'm taking the cell phone for a couple hours. You've lost it because you're not listening, and because I need you to get your stuff done and I need you to focus. So you're teaching them why you're— why are you giving them the consequence. You want to teach them, and it wants to connect to whatever the lesson is. It doesn't want to be random that I'm taking your cell phone away, you've lost it for the night. Okay, well, why? What did they do? Doesn't make sense. And remember that you have to enforce whatever it is that you— whatever punishment you give them. So if you have punished them that they have to stay in the house all weekend, then friend, you have to deal with them in the house all weekend. So just remember, you're punishing yourself too. So make the punishment doable and make the punishment something that you're okay to enforce, something that you think that you can enforce. Because sometimes I will go over the top and say something that I know I'm not gonna do, so I've learned not to say it. Okay, moving on to our next lesson of we are not supposed to parent alone. Can you stop thinking that you are supposed to parent alone? I'm guilty of this. I think that I have to do everything. I can't do everything. I have to use my village. You know that we were born into these villages and we had all of these women surrounding us to— we need our tribe. Yes, we need women, we need other women and we need them to help us. My friend called me and she's like, I'm going on a trip with my husband. Good for her. I need you to take my daughter home from dance on Thursday and Friday. Done. I'm helping her. I'm part of her village. Use your village. We are not supposed to do it alone. We can't do it alone. I have 3 kids. I can't be in 3 places. My mother is currently on her way to pick up my son because I'm busy here with you. I ask for help. So don't parent alone and don't underestimate your children. I'm almost done. I know I'm going over time. Don't underestimate your children. I do this all the time. I was like, oh my God, she's so young. She's going to middle school. How is she going to do this? If you knew the amount of stress that I created for myself because I was underestimating her. Our kids will rise to the occasion. Give them credit. Help them to believe in themselves. Don't be like, oh God, she's going to middle school. How is she going to do? This is going to be rough. How is that helpful? I underestimate my kids. They rise to the occasion. They will do it. They are resilient. They are capable. We need to have faith in them. It's not about you. Parenting is not about you. And Lily is so capable. She is so capable. And I have learned that so much this year. That has been my lesson of this year is that my youngest, you know, my oldest is so capable that he holds the bar so hard. And we're going to talk about that for my last one. That it leads to me underestimating my youngest, and I'm not doing that anymore. Give your children hope. I love that, Liz. That's an awesome line. Okay, so parenting is not about you, and I'm going to give you a really good example. Our son played soccer for like 12 years. I mean, amazing goalie. Like colleges were already trying to recruit him. We had put so much money and effort into this soccer career, and, um, you need to find some help. You're a single mother with no help. That's not okay. We can't— you can't— oh my gosh, parenting with a husband is hard. I can only— single mothers is a whole nother topic. Um, you need to find a village. Maybe we can help you. Um, people from school, mothers from school, family members, friends, neighbors. We need to build your village because parenting alone sounds impossible to me. So we put all this effort into my son and his soccer. I mean, 12 years, tons of money, tons of trainings. I mean, he was in this like pre-Olympic program. God help me. And we, my husband and I made this appointment that he was going to get a scholarship and go to college with the soccer scholarship. And guess what happened? I don't want to play soccer. I was like, what? Well, first of all, he told me, because he was probably afraid to tell his father, who was even more invested in his soccer career than I was, um, I don't think I want to play soccer anymore. And I was like, oh, that felt like such a gut punch. What do you mean you don't want to play soccer? I thought you were going to go to college on a soccer scholarship. And he's like, I'm just not enjoying it anymore, and I really want to try football. Can you please let me try football. It's what I really want to do. Okay, I need to parent him by what he needs and not by what I need. Did I want him to go get a college soccer scholarship? I can't talk. Yes, I did. But it's not about me. It's about him. Parent your kids, not— you had your childhood. You had your chance to be a cheerleader. I tell— this is so hard. Ruth, it is so hard, but it is their life. It is their story. We made our story. I picked my career. I picked my husband. I chose to have children. I have built my life how I want my life to look. Now it is their turn to build their lives and let's help guide them. Thank you, Seth. Let's help to guide them and not tell them what to do. We want to find out what they want for themselves. And, um, we want them to get what they want out of life. And Max's story is that he gave up soccer, chose football, absolutely loves it. I'm focusing on what he needs and what he wants and not what I want. And there's so many mistakes that we can talk about, but I'm going to end with: all our kids need something different. And, um, you will understand this if you have multiple children. My 3 kids couldn't be more different. There is not— my friend was texting this morning, so different. Liz understands my kids couldn't be more different. Her kids couldn't be more different. And my friend was texting me that there's no parenting manual. Well, there is. There are a bazillion parenting books. However, I am— I don't know your kid. So like, if I tell you to do X, Y, and Z, I probably need to meet your kid. And you and your family and help you figure out what's going to work best. You have to figure out what works best for each child. And, you know, my son came along and we figured out how to parent him. Then my daughter came and she was so different and she needed such different things. Um, thank you, I'm so glad that you're coming back tomorrow. Um, and then my third child came and she couldn't be more different than both of them, and I had to learn a whole nother set of The world said, Rebecca, you may think that you're a good parent. You may think you're doing a good job. You didn't know your first 2 kids were easy. I had no idea. So you have to parent all 3 of your kids differently, all of your kids differently. However many kids you have, you might have 5 kids, 6 kids, 7 kids. I think Josephine said she has 7 kids, which I had totally forgotten. She is a rock star for having 7 kids because 3 kids is a lot. So parent your kids differently. Don't compare siblings to each other. They're all different. They all have their own paths. And don't compare them to their friends. That is something that my daughter has yelled at me about. I will say, "So-and-so did," and she'll be like, "Please don't compare me." And I'm like, "Spot on, kid. I'm not going to compare you. You're your own. You're marching to your own drum. You have your own story, your own lessons." Let's help our kids find their own paths, be their own people, and help them be the best that they can be. So that is a lot of mistakes that we're making, but we can overcome all of them. We can— we have the option to become a better parent every day, every moment. Carrie told us that we were one thought away. I'm going to take that further to we're one step away because I can make a choice at any point in the day to take a step in a different direction. Before you jump on to end us off, Seth, I want to tell everybody where to find me. Is that OK?

Yes, please.

So first, I want to thank you all incredibly for being here with me today. I am super emotional because I am so thankful and feeling so blessed that you all graced us with your presence today. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.