Episode 263: How To Overcome The Biggest Marriage Mistakes with Rebecca Greene

Welcome back to the first Winey Palooza Parenting and Marriage Virtual Summit. I am thrilled to announce our final speaker for day 2, my wonderful wife and your host, the amazing Rebecca Greene, who is a licensed clinical social worker with a master's degree, trained— was a therapist, trained therapist. I think she's a therapist every day in our house. And she is a top 100 mommy blogger, a podcaster, a vlogger, which we, uh, we will invite you to join her lives every week, um, and a number— an Amazon bestselling author and an amazing wife and wonderful mother to our 3 wonderful children. Um, stay tuned till the end for sure because we will be giving away— at the end we will be giving away the grand prize, which is 5 nights, 6 days in Cancún or Puerto Vallarta Rebecca, give us some more of your wisdom.

Well, thank you so much for that wonderful introduction, and thank you so much for putting together this amazing summit. Uh, this has been, you know, my, my best word for these last two days is magical. I'm, um, overcome with wonderful emotions of how fabulous this has been. The presenters are all such amazing ladies. I can't thank them all enough for presenting and being here with me and doing this with me and sharing all their wisdom with me. And all the participants and your comments are just— I mean, we feel the love and we, we love seeing your comments and what you have to say. It really helps, makes us realize that we're not talking to thin air. So thank you so much. So stay with me. Yesterday I ended the day with overcoming common parenting mistakes. Today I'm going to end the day with overcoming common marital mistakes. And you don't know this, but marriage is my absolute favorite topic. Lots and lots of trainings and courses on marriage. And I will talk to Judy at a later date because I would love to get Gottman certified. So that might be my next venture. But I cannot talk about marriage without bringing John Gottman into it. He is a very well-known psychologist. If you don't know him, go find him. He has done amazing marital research and he talks about the Four Horsemen of Marriage. This is like the, the biggest predictor of divorce is us doing these Four Horsemen in our marriage. So I have my own mistakes that I'm going to talk about that I have observed and learned that I I will get to after Gottman, but I want to tell you first about Gottman's 4 biggest horsemen of our marriage. And he says the biggest one is to stop contempt. He says contempt is the biggest horseman and it is poison to our marriage. So we want to eliminate contempt from our marriage altogether. Disrespect, mocking, sarcasm, condescending, name-calling, eye-rolling. I'm going to invite my husband at any point to chime in because I'm going to talk about boss this whole time. We have been together for 18 years. He is one of my greatest teachers in my life. He has made me better. We have made each other better, and it's been 18 years of learning together. So you're going to hear a lot about our mistakes and growth, and we're not going to beat ourselves up for mistakes. We're going to learn from them and we're going to grow from them. So we want to eliminate contempt, which I am guilty of. Seth will tell me that I'm rolling my eyes and I don't even know that I'm rolling my eyes. It's like, let's not roll our eyes at our husband. So first I need to become aware of it so that I can stop doing it. But we want to go after— we want to give our partner respect and we don't want to talk about them as a person. And we don't want to say, you know, Seth, you're such a slob. Like, that's not respectful. You're such a slob. You never do the dishes or whatever I'm saying to him. I want to go after what, what do I need to feel supported and loved? I need, um, instead of you are such a slob, I would love it if you would help me do the dishes. How come I can't just say that? Just ask for what we want nicely with respect. Seth, are you chiming in before I move on to Chris? I am.

I would just like to say for the record, for all of the fabulous people watching or listening to this, that you never have to ask me to do the dishes and I'm not a slob. Those are hypothetical examples. They don't actually apply to me. I will throw myself under the bus for the stuff I do do wrong. Those two are not one of them.

Well, and some of the examples are going to be real. Some of the examples are going to be exaggerated, but I don't call you a slob. But calling you a slob would be contempt. We don't want to be disrespectful.

We don't want to put it on the person. You've taught me, it's the behavior, right? You could say, you are being sloppy right now. And that's a temporary behavior that is easy to fix. Saying you are a, unless it's positive, a negative, you are a, it's generalizing to who I am as a person, which is much more hurtful if I heard you for the last 18 years correctly.

Okay. Why don't you just stay on unmuted? Cause you're going to do this the whole time.

You told me to.

Okay, honey, I'm moving on to criticism. Okay. So criticism is the most common of the Four Horsemen. So we want to stop contempt. That's the biggest poison to our marriage. Criticism is the second, and it's the most common one. And we want to complain without the blame, and we want to take out always and never. Seth, you're gonna laugh at me. Okay, you always drive so slow. Will you hurry up? Okay, now this is for real.

That is true.

So what should I say instead? Instead. I am really worried that we're going to be late. Can you please drive a little faster? Now Seth will come back with, no, safety first. That's what Seth will come back with. But we don't want to attack their character. We want to talk about what is bothering us. What need do we have? Go after the need. Don't go after the person. Remove always and never. Now my—

Don't tell them to drive like your grandma.

Right? You drive like my grandma, pick it up. So because of the criticism, it leads us to the third horseman of defensiveness, okay? And we need to stop being defensive. So you attack the person's character. Now that makes them very defensive. So this is our pattern is I will get critical, Seth will get defensive. And instead of being, okay, so I'm at fault Okay, we're going to start with me. I need to remove the criticism so he has nothing to be defensive about. But Seth needs to take responsibility for what I'm saying and not be defensive.

Yes, I freely admit that my pattern has been one of, one of the things I am working on is being less defensive. And not you expressing your stress or your frustration is not— I should not view it. I'm work— we're supposed to shed the shoulds. I am working on not feeling like you are personally attacking me in such a way that I need to defend myself in the first place.

Okay, so the summit is a perfect example. So Seth put days and days and days and months into the summit. I mean, like, loves me so much, cares so much, did so much work. And I'm like, you have all the presenters' titles on the COVID page of the summit and you don't have my title of what I am working on. Like, you know, it is like Dr. Laura is going to present on this. Rebecca Greene is going to present on this. I am like, where is my title? I am going to talk about overcoming marital mistakes. Where is it? And Seth is like defensive because I am criticizing him. He has worked so hard on the summit and I am coming back with criticism. So, what I could have said was, honey, thank you so much for all your work on the summit. I appreciate it so much. So much. And can you please add my titles to the COVID page of the summit? And I, if we dig deep, I was feeling unimportant, right? I was feeling unimportant. And he can't even believe that I would feel unimportant after months of working on the summit.

That is 100% accurate.

Okay, so that was a good example. I'm fixing this. I don't know how to fix this. Okay, switch it back when you need to. Moving on to stonewalling. Okay, stonewalling is the fourth horseman that I am— if I, if I was to talk about all four of these, this is the one that I am the most guilty of. So someone is saying that I'm frozen. Do you see me okay, everybody?

I see you fine. It's not on your end.

Okay, so everybody let me know that you can still hear me talking. Okay. I'm good now. OK, stonewalling. This is the one that I am most guilty of in my own head. This is the one that I'm working on the most, because what happens is that we withdraw from the conversation and we close ourselves off. OK, so then Seth feels totally isolated from me and totally hurt that I've totally shut down the conversation. So we're having a marital conversation. I'm completely overwhelmed and overstimulated and my emotions are way too high. So what do I do? I'm Cancer the crab. I was born in June. I picture my crab shell and I go and hide into my shell. And I literally can picture myself crawling into the shell and hiding. And I'm like, don't hurt me anymore, I can't take anymore. So what do I need to do instead? We don't want to stonewall, we don't want to be defensive, we don't want to be critical, and we don't want to have contempt for our partner. Instead of stonewalling, we want to communicate our needs. So I can do a few things. I can tell Seth, honey, I need a timeout. I'm unresourceful. I can't talk about this. And I have to keep myself calm enough to say that. Now, according to Gottman, we need 20 minutes minimum. And I'm telling my husband that, that we need 20 minutes minimum to separate.

Now you tell me.

So I'm, I'm just learning this. I didn't know 20 minutes. I did research on this because I'm the most guilty of this one. So he also says you can come up with a word or a hand signal. So get as silly as you want. Say pickle, and pickle's your word that your partner knows, and you can laugh together. Oh, she's saying pickle, that's funny. Or get a funny hand signal, you know, like do timeout or something silly with your hands to say, this is, this is not working for me. Separate, take your time, come back together, and don't make your partner feel like you abandoned them. Make an appointment to talk. Yes. Yes, Jamie. Um, so I can say to Seth, I need 20 minutes, I'll be back, and 20 minutes should give me enough time to think and regroup. Okay, so those are Gottman's Four Horsemen, biggest predictors of divorce. Get them out of your life and work on your marriage. Let's move on to some of the ones that, as Rebecca Greene, I have noticed in marriages from courses, trainings, observations.

Okay, counseling.

Stop expecting mind reading. Okay, every single person listening, I am telling you this, and I am so guilty of this. I will expect Seth to read my mind. And my biggest— my— everyone's saying they're guilty of this. So for me, my birthday is like a perfect example. And I expected Seth to give me what I wanted on my birthday without me telling him anything. Didn't know what to buy me, didn't know what to feed me, didn't know what activity I wanted to do. Well, I need to tell him. I need to be specific. I need to stop expecting, you know, after 18 years, he should know what I want to do for my birthday. No, it changes. He can't keep up with me. This is just an example. I need to tell him. I want to go do a family activity. I want to go to the sculpture park. I want to have lobster for dinner. I want chocolate cake for dinner, and I want some jewelry as my gift. Is that going to get me what I want or what, people?

So what kind of frosting do you want on the cake?

I'll let you know in June. Okay, we're not there yet. We got, we got your birthday before my birthday. Okay, so we're not going to expect our partners to read our mind. We're going to tell them what we want and be specific. Okay, stop not prioritizing your marriage. Are we all guilty of this? I'm raising my hand. Seth is happily gonna throw me under the bus for this because the kids, okay, the job, the PTA, Girl Scouts, taxi services, our pets, you know, I'll keep going. Um, everyone's raising their hand. By the time I get to Seth, he is like, "I get your leftovers." What the heck? Our marriage needs to come above all those other things. You know, we water our flowers. Our flowers don't grow without us. We have to water our marriage, right? So, I think Seth and I need to say to each other, "We need some water." That could be one of our words.

That is a great idea. I am going to say, "Honey, I need watering." I need to water Seth, you know? If I say, you know, "I want a date night," sometimes, depending on the state you are in, you will react and go, somebody always wants something from me, when do you expect me to fit that in? I'm exhausted and I got to do the work for the date night, do the work. Whereas if I said I need watering, you might have a smile on your face.

I like it. We got to make each other laugh in the process, everybody.

Stop. Hi, I'm Rebecca Greene.

Stop loving your partner how you want to be loved, okay? And I was doing this too. This is all lessons that I've learned, people. Uh, The Five Love Languages is an amazing marital book that I I suggest you all go read about marriage. Taught me a lot about my husband. We had a lot of discussions after that book. Okay, so what are the 5 love languages? Acts of service, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch. Yes, you need to read it, Sarah. Do you know your love language? Okay, so my love language might be acts of service. I want Seth to help me drive the kids, do the dishes, help me. I don't want to feel alone. That is how I feel loved. Doing my summit, building my summit, that is acts of service. It makes me feel so loved. However, I was loving Seth how I wanted to be loved and I was doing acts of service for Seth, thinking that I was giving him what he needed. Seth wants words of affirmation. He wants to hear it. He wants me to see say, oh my God, the months you spent building the summit were so worth it. I loved it so much. This was amazing. Um, so that makes you feel loved, right?

It does. You saying, well, why don't you— when we were having one of these conversations and you were like, why don't you feel loved? I did the dishes, I drove your kids around, I cleaned the house, I did laundry, I folded your laundry, doesn't that count? I was like, well, not to me. Yes, it's wonderful, but you turning my socks the right way does not make me feel loved.

Okay, well, we— I still need to do the laundry. I still need to make— I still need to make your meals, and I'm happy to take care of you in that way. But I now know that that doesn't make Seth feel loved, so I'm glad I learned that about him. So go learn about your husband. Um, I do hear— I do hear— or spouse. I do hear beeping in the background. I don't know if you hear anything in our house, but I'm gonna keep going.

There's a UPS truck.

Okay, stop doing the same marital patterns. Okay, so I realized one of our patterns recently. Like, pay attention when you have a fight over and over again. Yes, the crazy cycle, Ruth. Start, start paying attention to what patterns do you have. I have noticed that our fights tend to be Me frustrated with Seth for not paying attention to details. Okay, so we need to work on that together because that seems to be our biggest pattern.

So go over it, debrief after a fight, you know, when you're in a better state.

When you're in a better state, it is the best time to think about what did we just fight about? Do we do this all the time? Is this common? And how do we break the cycle? You have to write— I have literally written down what do we say Where do I interrupt it and change this sanity of the same fight over and over again? So I'm now aware that I'm triggered by Seth not paying attention to details. So now when I'm upset, I can say, is this about details? And I can calmly talk to Seth about the details instead of escalating.

That would be fantastic.

So we're stopping—

detail-oriented person, and I am a big picture visionary, 20,000-foot bird's eye view person.

Yes, so stop thinking little things don't matter. This is something I've noticed in life with parenting and marriage. We do little things all day as a, as a parent and as a spouse. So we send, maybe we send a loving text message, maybe we make, you know, maybe we make some food, um, maybe we go on a date, maybe we smile at our husband. Or hold hands. Okay, so we think these things are so little, but all of these little things is what's adding up to our wonderful marriage. So do the little things every day and do the little nuggets all day and watch it grow into like this fabulous marriage. That's what it's about. It's not the huge things. It's not the huge date night. I mean, how often do Seth and I have a huge date night? It's the little things that, you know, like I'm You know, when I'm done with this, I'm going to go hug him and kiss him and say, thank you so much. You know, the kisses, the hugs, the smiles, the handholding, like that's, you know, that's what matters. And when you find out what their love language is, that can help. Because I know if I know Seth needs to hear it, I can do little things all day using my voice because he wants words. Okay, so stop thinking you are right. Stop thinking you are right. How does it help? Do we really want to win? Does winning an argument equal a happy marriage? Does winning an argument equal a happy kid? No, we don't want I win and Seth loses. We— yes, winning a battle is losing. We want win-win. How can Seth and I win together? What do we both need? How can we get to a place together where we both are feeling loved, our needs are getting met, and we're both winning? And I need to not go into the fight or the disagreement with, I'm gonna win, which leads me to stop talking and listen. Okay, so I'm a talker. You can probably tell. You can probably tell that I'm a talker. However, at my age now, I'm very different than I was 10 years ago. 10 years ago, I was talking a lot more. Now, whether it is Seth or my parents or my kids or my friends, I am listening more and talking less. That is so much more important relationship development. We don't want to be thinking about what we are going to say when we are talking to our spouse. So, Seth and I are having a conversation. I am not even listening to him because I am thinking about what I am going to say. No, I am going to listen and I am going to really hear him. And then I'm going to respond. So I think it was Judy who talked about the speaker and the listener. One of the amazing ladies today talked about speaker/listener. I think it was Judy, and it was amazing. And we have to realize who has the talking stick. Seth has the talking stick, so Rebecca's going to listen. And sometimes Seth will even say to me, sometimes he will say to me, I'm not done.

Yeah, you are ready with your response before I finish, and you're already going. I'm like, Can you just let me finish? You're like, I know what you're going to say already. I'm like, I know, but I still need to say it even if you already know it.

Well, and I think that one of the biggest ways that I have improved my relationships with Seth, with everybody, I realized that I'm having a problem when I'm not putting myself in their shoes. Okay, so I'm so focused on my needs and my wants, and I'm, I'm not even putting myself in Seth's shoes of what is going on with him. Why is he upset? Why is he reactive? What is going on with him? What need isn't getting met? I'm so busy thinking about myself that I'm not helping us because I'm not putting myself in his shoes and I'm not being empathic. So we need to put ourselves in our partner's shoes and try to understand where they're coming from. And if you don't understand where they're coming from, then ask them some questions to learn what's going on with them.

Yeah, I think I am guilty when I'm being defensive. I am also not putting myself in your shoes. I'm not saying— if I ask myself the question, why is she saying what she's saying? Why is she having the emotion that she's having? It would take me out of myself and into you, and then we would resolve things a heck of a lot faster, as opposed to me defending myself because I have decided that I feel attacked.

Absolutely. And Judy says, don't assume. It's not assuming. I love that, Judy. I need to actually find out what's going on with Seth and my kids. I have realized that in life, sometimes I assume I know what's going on with someone, whether it's a friend or my kid or Seth. Why do I think that I know what's going on? I shouldn't assume that. And I need to actually get from them, ask them questions, and find out what is going on.

Yeah, we've had a number of times where you're like, I know what you're going to say, or I know what it is. And I pleasantly surprise you because I wasn't going to say anything like that. You are right. I'd say about at least 85% of the time. You just got to watch out for that other 15.

So Jamie says, ask open-ended questions. Yes, that's good advice. Out of your own world and into the other's world. Okay. Not protecting your marriage is another mistake that I see people making. And I have— and I remember my professor using his hands and showing me the glass house, that our marriage was inside this glass house and we have to protect the house, and we don't want to let things in that are going to negatively affect the house. So we want to protect our marriage, and we want to think about if something that we're doing or some person or something is getting into the glass house and negatively affecting you guys. So protect your marriage. And leads me to the final one of Don't do anything behind your spouse's back that you wouldn't do right in front of them, you know. And, and I'm an open book, okay? So anything that I say or do or that I have going on with me is open to Seth, okay? They should be able to go on your phone. They should be able to hear your conversation. We want to do— and this goes in life in general— to say things to people that we would say right in front of them. So that is, I believe, that is 15 mistakes that we are making. I did that as fast as I can.

Believe you got that done that fast.

I think if I was talking too fast, how can I get my partner on board with this? Oh wait, I gotta go back to that. Can you help me with that question, Seth?

Yes. How can I get my partner on board with this? We both need to partner in the tools like Seth and Rebecca Greene. I don't know if I can present this in a way he's open to. Any suggestions on how I can share or invite him in without sounding like I am bossy and telling him this is right and something he is, he should be doing? He gets defensive of that.

Well, and I think that the defensiveness is when they think we are being critical. So you are not presenting this to him because you are attacking him. You are like, I am so excited. I just went to this summit and can I share with you? Can I share with you what I just learned? When you present things to him, do it in a way that you are fascinated and you want to see if you can take your marriage to the next level. It has nothing to do with him as a person. It has to do with your excitement for growth. If you can't engage him, and I have told so many people it is how we talk to our spouse, because Seth will tell you that there are different sides of Rebecca Greene. So, I can come to him and be sweet, loving, wonderful wife. I can come to him as, "I'm pissed off. Watch out, wife." And he doesn't want to do anything for the pissed-off wife, okay? He will do anything for the sweet, loving wife. So I think if we present it in a way where we're sweet and we're loving and we're kind, and it's about your marriage and wanting better for your marriage, and that you were excited about the summit, um, we just don't want to attack our partner's characteristics and qualities or them as a whole.

Um, right. Can I chime in? Yeah, I, I would say you can't— I would not— if you present it as— right, if you present it as you're doing these things wrong or we need to improve these things, as a guy, I would be more likely to take that as criticism and get defensive, even though I'm working on it. You could— you—

I—

if you do it as, hey, this was awesome, I learned a lot, I'd love to share this with you and hear your thoughts about it—

I—

guys like to feel important, right? I mean, you do too, ladies, but If you sell it as, can I get your opinion? What do you think about this? You're so smart. I'd love to hear what you have to say and what you think. You'll get a whole— my guess is you'll get a much better response. The other thing I would toss out is, let's say worst case scenario, guys, I'm not looking at that therapy marriage crap. I don't need any of that. We're fine. Right? He likes denial. We didn't talk about, but then my thought would be, you be the change you want to see in the world. Right? Tony Robbins is one of my mentors. I've had the privilege to go to a couple of his events. And one of the things he says is, in the marriage section, is he'll be like, okay, fine. Your wife, your spouse won't do it. You do it. Light them up as many ways as you possibly can every day for like 90 days in a row. And I guarantee you that within that 90 days, as you grow and evolve and shift, without even thinking about it, they will rise to match you.

Well, I love when you finish my sentences. So sometimes it doesn't matter how kind and loving we are as a wife, the partner is still not going to be engaged in what we want to do next and what we think will be benefit our marriage. So like Seth said, we do it, we focus on us, and we focus on what we can do and watch them change with us, and hopefully they rise with us.

Selina, I didn't say hold out for 90 days. That sounds I'm interpreting that as very negative. Um, holding out sounds like negative to me. If it's light them up and positive and be as awesome, be the most best version of yourself in that marriage as you can, do that for the reason that lighting someone else up will light you up too. Be selfish, do it for you. It will benefit both of you. I was not saying to hold on and see if they shape up or ship out.

I'm trying to find—

I'm a romantic. Diehard optimist.

Why do guys take things so critically? Somebody's asking you, why do guys take things so critically?

Wow.

Because they have a big ego. Because you have to stroke a man's ego. They need ego stroking. I'm sorry, that was very generalized. You answer her question, it's for you.

Well, you're not wrong. I think that we want. If you ranked— if you did Tony Robbins— again, I'm a huge Tony fan— if you did his hierarchy of human needs, I would assume that a lot of guys have significance, feeling important, as one of their top needs. Before I did his Date with Destiny workshop, significance was like number 1 on my list. And I would be like, you don't make me feel important enough. And she's like, I'm working my butt off, what are you talking about? When I realized that, that I changed the order of my needs of what I was looking for, and I put love and connection as number one, which Rebecca lives every single day. And all of a sudden my whole mindset shifted. So I think it takes a lot of introspection and personal development work to get past— I'm not saying I still don't need to be stroked, but I need to be stroked less because it's not about me anymore. I'm making it about her. And by making my life about her, magically, it comes back to you.

Somebody says, Jeff says that he thinks that guys take things critically because they were nagged as children.

Oh, I'm sure that my mother going, you didn't do the dishes, you didn't do the dishes, you didn't do the dishes 50 times, or you did. I didn't, I never did them good enough, and then I purposely stopped doing that, purposely did them worse so she would stop asking me. And I'm sure some of you can relate to that. Um, but yeah, absolutely, I am sure getting nagged by your mom for formative, for many years probably affects not wanting to hear someone remind you of something and not want to be— not wanting to be criticized.

Well, and Judy is chiming in that it's, it's daddy issues of not feeling good enough from childhood coming back, that now your wife is making you feel like you're not good enough.

Yeah, that is definitely a part of it. I, I hate disappointing you.

Um, I'm just looking to see if you guys have any more questions. I know it's 2:08. I did my best to stay on time.

And then we'll award our dream vacation.

The participation has been amazing. You are enough, Judy says. We could talk all day, Ruth says. I know, this is so fun. So I said to Seth yesterday, I was like, can we do this every day? And he was like, oh my gosh, no.

Jeff says, when's the next summit? I'm going to go after we're done. I'm going to go to the office for a couple hours. And then I'm going to come home and have a couple stiff drinks. And then maybe in a couple days when we've recovered a little— well, she hasn't— when I recover a little bit from all the tech work behind the scenes you haven't seen that made this run so smoothly, we can talk about when the next one will be.

Well, before you give away—

just so that you know, the chat from yesterday was 42 pages. I am going to get it at work and I will bring it home and then I will print today's chat on Monday so I don't burn out our printer.

Ruth wants to have coffee. Maybe I need Winey Palooza coffee hours. What do you think, ladies, where we chat and have coffee together? Ruth, where do you live? I'm in Buffalo, New York. We might have to do it on Zoom.

I was gonna say, I would assume it's Zoom.

A Zoom, a Zoom coffee hour. Yes, Ruth, tell us where you live. Um, happy hour. He likes to have—

everybody's in different places except for the people who already knew you. And I think the other thing I would throw out, because you just came up with that idea, is we now need a Winey Palooza brand of coffee. We private label coffee that— so you can't say, I made it in the Keurig and it didn't come out very well, or it's not the same as Tim Hortons. What if we made the Rebecca Winey Palooza coffee so it was perfect every time?

I'm taking a note. I'm taking notes. Well, the amount of—

oh wait, you said not to make any more work for you.

I'm sorry. The amount Seth's brain has come up with so many ideas for Winey Palooza. It started out as a little blog. He took it to a vlog and a huge blog. He took it to a podcast. He then told me that I was publishing books from my work and I was like, dude, how much time do you think this busy mother of 3 has? So what's next? What is next? I have couple more book ideas. I think I need to do some groups. I've got lots of ideas and I welcome your ideas. If you have ideas of what you want me, the Winey Palooza brand, to do next, I would love to hear from you. I couldn't do any of this without my husband. So thank you, Seth, from the bottom of my heart for your, your months of putting this summit together. Thank you to all the presenters. Thank you to all the participants. Seth, do I need to unpin myself so you can do a prize?

And you know, you're pinning yourself only pins you for you. I didn't know if you knew that.

No, I don't know anything.

You pinned yourself to your own screen, which has nothing— so you only saw you, which has nothing to do with what anyone else sees.

Okay, good to know. Less technology lesson from Seth.

Yes. Okay, second, there was a comment that flew by. Yes, I know I sound like Mike from on ESPN. And thank you for that. Yes, you are now all on Rebecca Greene's email list. You will get emails, you will get text messages, unless if you reply to the text and said stop, then we can't message you anymore on text. So you will get text messages, you will get emails, and we will, we'll start by inviting you to her weekly lives, which are every week. I mean, you can join us on Facebook Live. All right, we got to give away a prize, and then I have a favor that we need from all of you, which will get you another prize. So we need to give away a— let's see, we need to give away— where'd my screen go? All right, we need to give away 5 nights and 6 days hotel stay in either Cancun or Puerto Vallarta. Winner is Jen Collins! Jen Collins, congratulations, you're going on a tropical— you got to get yourself there, but you got a 5-star hotel which Rebecca Greene and I have been to with the kids. It is absolutely beautiful. You will love it.

That's awesome. Um, do they have to do anything to claim their prize?

I will email them. So everybody from yesterday except for Jean, I emailed their gift cards from the hotel or the restaurant. For the vacation, I gotta ask— I will send you an email and say, for Jean and for Jen, I will say, what location do you want? And you'll email me back, and then I'll get you your vacation. Um, one other, one other request. The Linktree I have posted multiple times in the chat. I will keep doing that to make sure you got it. I am going to— I'm going to do one other thing. We need your feedback. So I'm going to put my cell phone number and we're on East Coast time and, you know, we have kids. I'm going to put my cell phone number in the chat. If you will text me like a 1 to 2 minute video, make a video on your phone of, hey, my name is Leslie and this is why I love the Winey Palooza Summit. And you text that to me so we can use it in the marketing for the next one— now we have to have a next one if you send it, um, and we will make sure you get to attend the next one— if you will text me that 1 to 2 minute video, then you will be entered to win yet another awesome prize. I gotta figure out what I can do to top what we've already done, but if you will text me, um, yes, you can message me on Facebook Messenger, um, if you— or message Rebecca if you don't want to text me. But yeah, my phone number is in the chat. That is mine, not Rebecca Greene's. If you can text me that video, that would really help us out and we'll enter you to win another prize.

So we need to stop recording. So before you hit stop recording, I just want to sincerely thank everyone and tell you what a wonderful experience this has been for me and that I hope this has been wonderful for all of you too. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, Please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.