Episode 266: Helping Girls Believe In Themselves

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, and I am extra excited today because I have 3 fantastic guests. I have Becky Fife, Katie Parker, and Allie Callister here with me today. Thank you ladies so much for doing this with me today. Thank you.

We are so excited. Thank you.

I'm gonna tell you a little bit about these fantastic women. They were concerned about what the world's influence was doing to a girl's self-esteem. So Becky, Katie, and Ali came together to create I Believe in Me, a program to support tweens and parents. For over 30 years, these women have worked with girls to strengthen their confidence and realize their potential. With Katie's vision and direction, Becky's creative sparkle, and Ali's can-do attitude, these women are magic. They offer real-life strategies and tools to foster growth and strengthen the hearts and minds of girls. This world needs girls who know who they are and are ready to strengthen others around them. I mean, when I read that, I was sold, and I was like, bring them to me, let's go. Oh, I love it. But I mean, let's, let's start at the beginning. I wanna know like what led you to create this system for girls? How did you ladies land here?

Uh, it naturally happened because there was, I mean, I think everyone here with our passion for families and helping people navigate the ups and downs of life. Um, it's no secret, it's out in the open how hard it is for these tween girls right now. And I think as a mother and then as an owner of another company called Singer's Company, and that is a company that strengthens the confidence of elementary age girls. And I started that years ago, but these girls started to grow up and the parents kept asking, what are you going to do for the tween years? That's when they really, you know, they, they continue to need some even more support in really unique ways because of that unique transition in life. And, and then really it just came to my mind and heart and Becky and Ali's names came to my mind and I knew that their talents would help further the cause of strengthening these girls in these really crucial time of their life. And so that's kind of how I Believe in Me was born. Um, Singer's Company deals with singing and dancing. I knew these girls ages 10 to 13 needed something completely different in a different way, but with the same purpose to strengthen them. And so that's how it started. We knew the— and then I could see forward as a mom, like, okay, what this world offers them and social media, it's This is not a recipe for success. And so in order to prep these girls and get them ready for what's coming to them naturally, and just living a life in this world, they needed to be prepared in very specific ways to stay strong. And so strong minds, strong hearts, strong girls. That's what we're about. And I knew that these ladies with me could create this program. And as we've created it, we've done it in a garden theme. Because we talk about these girls, their garden of life and how they get to choose what they plant and what they help grow and the unique individual that they are and how beautiful they are as their own person with their own unique. So anyway, that all of it just became really inspired and we could tell in our, in our hearts like, okay, this is what they need. This is, this is the way they need it presented to them. So it will really stick and stay with them forever. So they can stay strong forever. So that's how I Believe in Me started. And we love what we do.

It's working.

We're so excited about it. We just want to help any little girl we can and any parent we can. We want to help back up those parents.

It's amazing and it's needed. And we touched on this a little in the intro, but you each have your own strengths and what you bring to the table. Can you each just tell us a little bit about what you each bring to the program? Because you're all, you're all unique and different.

Yes, we are all unique and different, just like a garden, just like a bouquet of flowers, right? And we are all, we all bring our own little piece of the puzzle to it. And it is so fun. My education and my background, I graduated in exercise physiology and I noticed in my life I had a knack for helping people stay motivated and cheering them on. I was a cheerleader in college. I just loved encouraging people. I kind of thought to myself, how am I going to do this in my life? I just want to motivate people to be the best version of themselves. It led me to, like, coaching tiny habits with clients and training women with their physical goals and mental goals. Then I realized it was so much more than the physical. I have daughters. I have worked with little girls and I just wanted to help girls find their beauty inside and motivate them and cheer them on to grow and be the best version of themselves. So I kind of bring a little bit of the fun and creativity in reaching those goals, but also I'm very, um, structured and kind of like a lot of routines, a lot of habits, a lot of that kind of talk, like cheering you on, like a little bit, little bit, step at a time. You can do it. You can do it. That's kind of what I love, and I love to help these girls realize that they can do things that they think they can't, but little step at a time, they can accomplish whatever they set their mind to.

Sounds fabulous to me. Sign me up. Exactly.

You're part of the team now.

Yes.

And I'm Allie, and, um, when Katie approached me, um, I worked with her a little bit in Singer's company, and, um, when she approached me about this new Program, I was all in. I remember being that middle school girl and just being kind of unsure of life. My family had moved to a new school district my 7th grade year. That is the beginning of our middle school here in California. I remember like kind of navigating on my own, learning how to like, you know, eat lunch by myself and find friends and talk to teachers and So I remember being the middle school girl and I was like, yes, I wish I had had like tools and things that I could like pull out from my memory or, or, you know, steps that I could take to, to just make middle school a little bit easier. And I actually graduated in marriage and family therapy. So I have kind of that wellness background, I guess you could say. And just with life and kids and Moving across the country, I just never got to, to be in the field. And so this was like the perfect marriage of, of those two, like being able to, to work in a, um, in a field that I loved and studied and am passionate about. And then helping these girls is just, I can't, I just am so glad I'm not a middle school girl right now, but I'm glad that I can help them because it's scary out there. My goodness.

I wanna, I wanna tell you ladies that my daughter just graduated from middle school and it feels so amazing that she got through it. She made it. She did it.

Good girl.

Middle school, the hardest years. I tell them it's the hardest years. So you're good.

Yeah, there's so many new things coming at them and new things that I think sometimes the girls feel like they're expected to know already. You know, that's where we really, we just really like lay it out very simply for them and make them feel normal because all those feelings they're having and all of apprehension or uncertainty about these new milestones, just like their physical body, their friendships, just changing classes in school, the, the bigger schedules, um, we spell it all out for them and help them through it.

Very, very needed as the mother of two middle school girls. So go ahead, Katie. Where was that? Katie, I'm keeping track of who's talking.

I know, no, what I bring to the table— I know you were asking like our different roles. Um, I just had— I always had an established company, and I've— so I think the business side and then the platform to build it on, as far as like— because all that we do is online. These girls, when they become a member, you have your own private little portal And you get to view our episodes and view the program very, you know, very, I mean, the parents always have access, but as far as like, there's no outside influences, you know, video ads, anything like that. It's very, very, very contained and very private. And so just the background of, um, business and, and building a company is what I bring. And then obviously the writing of the episodes and what Becky and Allie maybe won't share is Becky is brilliant. She was crucial in the garden theme, and her mind and the way she can, with words, and explain these things in simple ways to girls is amazing. And Ali is incredible. We call Ali the sunshine. She just brings so much fun. And so it's really entertaining. We really entertain these girls. Like, we know we take these subject matters that are kind of serious, and we make it really normal and really fun and really relaxed so that going into middle school and dealing with middle school along the way, we're there for them. Like Becky said, we're cheering them on and we're laughing. Yeah, we're laughing all the way.

Well, you seem like a dynamic threesome and I'm glad you all came together to create this. I don't want to be a bummer, but let's talk about sadness. We did that one.

Let's do it.

Cheerleading to sadness.

Yes, I love it.

We can do it.

Well, I mean, we know about the increasing sadness and the decrease in mental health. I mean, the decline in mental health, we see it. So how can tweens counteract this, they see this among their peers, they see this all the time. My kids talk to me about it. How can you help them with this?

Well, our program is for this.

This is what it's for.

This is what we—

that is exactly why we created it. It's called like, we use the theme of a Garden of Life, but it really is how do you cultivate happiness for a lifetime? Amidst the highs and the lows, because they're gonna come. That's life. This is even like you— I mean, your podcast is for, you know, for marriages and for families. We all know just by being wives and mothers that lows come. It's just part life. No one is immune to the highs and the lows. So I'll— I'm gonna dive right into one of the garden analogies as one of the episodes that we teach these girls. And you think about a garden When you're— I love to garden, I love digging in the dirt. But if you're going to grow anything, so as these girls, we want them to grow. And by growing and sharing their gifts, they become strong. And that's where your confidence comes by growing and working hard on you. And like, and that's what they're supposed to be doing in middle school, right? Is they're going to school, they're trying to get the best grades they can, they're discovering new talents.

Yeah.

And so in doing so, in order to grow, you have to have healthy soil. So we tell these girls, like, right out of the gate, your soil is your mind and your heart working together to guide you for good. But sometimes in soil, while you're gardening, you're going to see a worm. And then when you see a worm, you're like, ah, it catches you off guard and you kind of step back. But when you think it from a gardening perspective, I know, and we know that worms help your garden. They help your soil become more nutrient so you can grow. So when you talk about sad times, that's what we say. Everybody has worms or these unexpected hard times that come. So the sad parts can be looked at as like a worm. But in reality, when you face that wormhole, like, what are you going to fill it with? That's your question. Are you going to fill it with darkness and, oh, woe is me, and no one feels like I do? It's, you know, I become the victim. And then that's just darkness in your garden. Your soil is not nourished and you can't grow in that. In that state? Or are you going to fill it with light? And then by filling that wormhole with light, you work for— and then we call it, you, you give yourself wings and you fly. You become stronger because of those hardships, you, if you navigate them with light. And so, um, there's lots of light that we give these girls on what does that mean to fill it with light. Yeah, we get more specific. But yes, we, we hit those sad times head on. We call them worms.

Everybody has worms.

Everybody has worms.

Everybody has worms. And what are you going to do with that worm? Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I will never ever forget that. You know, I love what you're doing is normalizing it because, you know, it's almost like kids think that they're supposed to be happy all the time. And we all know that's not realistic. So even the fact that you're telling them like, we're all gonna be sad, I don't think that kids really know that.

And I think, don't you think they throw around the clinical terms so freely now when really there really are people that absolutely deal on a very deep level with these, you know, anxiety and depression.

Yes.

But I think what these girls need to know is those things happen every day in your life. Like, you're gonna feel a little bit anxious and a little bit sad almost every day at different times of the day. So you can't freak out when that worm comes. You have to, like, recognize it for what it is and know that you have the tools inside you to absolutely get through that. Sometimes it takes longer, but yeah, not as bad as you think.

And if I can add one thing that we kind of— that we also teach the girls is that we validate these emotions. We kind of, like Katie said, we, these are normal. Everybody will feel these and you will have, sometimes your family will move. Maybe you will go through a divorce or just a hard financial struggle in your family. So, there is going to be ups and downs of life all the time and to validate the emotion, but then give them tools to take the next step forward. One of the things we do is we say that routines are the roots. And everybody has a routine, whether you have labeled it as one, everybody gets out of bed and we have breakfast and we brush our teeth and we make our bed. And that's kind of where we tell them, when these worms come, when the wormholes come, you need to start back to the easy things.

Yeah.

Your routine.

That help you stay steady. Yes.

And you get up and you get out of bed. And you do all of these things and slowly but surely those things will start to feel normal. Then you are confident because you are getting, you are checking things off the list. So, that just brings, when life is very uncertain, it brings steadiness. These routines kind of are their anchors. Like Beck said, they keep you steady and firm. So, we go back to routines are the roots, routines are the roots, and just start over. Just start building. One thing after another, day after day, and then all of a sudden they're accomplishing millions of things in their day that maybe a month ago they, they weren't doing that as well.

Well, and I want to tell you, the garden theme that you are— I'm looking for the word— woven. It's woven through everything. It's got to be so easy for the girls to relate to that and pick up on that. I love it. Sticking with me, right? It's, it's stuff that is going to stay with me. I'm going to remember what you're saying because of your garden theme. It's, it's amazing how the memory is holding it because of—

You'll never forget those worms.

I'm not going to forget roots or worms. I'm going to tell you that. That's true. I love it. Well, in my daughters, the negative self-talk, oh, I can't even tell you how much we've worked on the negative self-talk, the comparison game, the negative self-talk. What, what suggestions do you have for to help parents help their daughters stop that? Because I know that it's not just my daughters.

No. And it's not just daughters, it's sons, it's husbands, wives, it's everybody. So we, we help these girls realize, we teach them what Dr. Amen has discovered, which is an automatic negative thoughts are ants in our head, right? Are you familiar with them?

Yes. In the garden. Get rid of them.

Yes.

The ants are in our garden. Right? This is the thing, Rebecca. They are normal. They are automatic. They are going to happen to everybody. What you have to do is realize, identify that thought, which is our mind, right? The Heart Mind Tools that Katie was talking about with our soil. That is one of the mind tools. When those ants come in, we have a choice. Do we let them stay and feed the ants, you know, cereal, sugar cereal for breakfast, or do we wash those ants away? So we give these girls strategies. For instance, we, in our episode, we talk about the water, like watering the brain. One of those droplets of water is a gratitude practice. When those ants show up, you can for sure guarantee that if you bring that water of gratitude and nourish your soil, those ants are not gonna be able to stay as long because gratitude has been proven by research to bring in a different mindset. To help you realize, okay, so maybe I am not perfect. Maybe my life isn't perfect. Maybe, you know, you are blaming things on your brother or whatever it might be. You are playing victim. Well, the gratitude comes in and you realize you have so much going for you in your life. You have so much to be grateful for. Let's just, let's come up with 3 things right now that you can be grateful for and let's focus on those. You know, we teach them your thoughts, whatever thoughts you focus on, is what's gonna grow. Whatever you water will grow. So let's water the, the positive, the, the grateful ant, not the blaming, the blaming ant or the labeling ant or the drama ant, the whining ant, the whining ant. It's, it's okay if they show up because like we know, Dr. Amen says they're gonna show up.

Yeah.

But we don't have to let them stay. We can, we can use things to help them stay away.

As you know, I also think when they start, when these automatic negative thoughts come and you choose to water them, then they're going to grow and they're going to create shadows and clouds in your garden.

Yes.

What these girls need to realize, and parents can do, is when those, when there's a tendency and you're seeing a pattern in a child that, oh, woe is me, they're focusing on the negative, I don't look like that, I'm not good enough, like then we need— they need to get outside themselves. When the girls start the program, we immediately tell them that you are a girl with gifts to grow and share, and that this world needs you and your unique gifts. And if you're worried about all the gifts that you think you don't have, then what are you doing in the world? Are you going to leave it net positive? Like, so the goal is to get outside yourself. And so, tush, that— and that's where the strength and confidence comes, that we're trying desperately to get these girls stronger so that the ways of the world don't affect them. So if you have a gift and you're great with kids and you, and you're at the age, middle school, where you can babysit and you work at on a babysitting plan and put yourself out there in your neighborhood with your family, friends, and you're sharing this gift that you have and that you're working on and your feedback is good and you're earning a little money, I mean, think about the confidence that comes when you see a little kid that you babysit and they're like, oh, And they're so excited. I mean, just, just right there, that love from a child gives you confidence. And then the parents like, oh, she loves you, King Fat, can you babysit Friday night? And you have this little business. I mean, just that, just that little thing at that, this age. Gifts that grow and share. Just getting outside yourself, realizing you have something to offer and that, and you know who you are and that this world needs you and your unique gifts. You don't need to be her. You don't need to look there. You need to look inside, know who you are, know what you like, know what you want to do, and turn all of that worry into work. Work on yourself, work in your garden, and then share that. And then that sharing brings the most confidence in anyone, we believe.

Oh my gosh, I wish my daughters were sitting here with me listening to all of this.

I'm gonna go grab them. Go grab them.

Like, where are they in the house? I know they're somewhere. Um, okay, so I think that as I'm, as I'm listening to you, because I hear the comparison game all the time, it drives, it drives me absolutely crazy because of course I think my daughters are fantastic and I want them to think it too. And I think that sometimes they don't recognize their own individual strengths. Is that something— do you help them find what is unique about them.

We talk about it all the time in almost every episode. We really encourage them to like, who are you?

Like, do you really like—

what's your favorite color? Is it really pink, or are you saying it's turquoise blue because that's what she said her— you know, like, let's— who are you? That's the first episode. It's called Who Are You? And we really dive deep into you are a girl with gifts to grow and share. Like, you know, we talk about my favorite flower is the daisy, but if we had a whole world full of daisies, that it's almost not pretty anymore. It's almost like boring, right? You have to have everybody be different because their differences are what make us beautiful. So yes, we talk about it all the time.

And one of our, one of our little mantras that we tell the girls is, I'm awesome, you're awesome, we can all be awesome at the same time. And that gives them the individuality of like Okay, you can be the star soccer player and I can be in drama and that's okay. You don't all need to be doing the same thing. You guys can all do different things or on different teams and different clubs. And, and that's what makes it so fun is, you know, going to your friend's soccer game and then going to her piano recital. You don't all need to be there all together all the time doing the same thing.

Absolutely. And as mothers, we know that our kids couldn't be more different and that they all have such different personalities and strengths. Yes.

I was going to say, Rebecca, even just within the family unit, as moms, we don't want our children comparing themselves to each other either because they're all different. And I think that's the beautiful thing about the grow and share mentality is that we want our kids to grow in their own, like bloom where you're planted, right? There's another analogy. It's so true. Find things that you like to do. You don't have to do what your sister does. You don't have to do— just find your thing and, and try out different things. Middle school, this time of life, like 10 to 13 years old, there's so many fun clubs, auditions, parts of a sport that you can try. You don't have to be perfect at it, but go see if you like it. Just try different things. And then once you find some of those talents, even if it's a hidden talent like helping people feel happy or motivated or baking cookies, whatever it might be, then you can turn around and say, how can I strengthen the people around me by what I like to do? How can, you know, we even within a family at dinnertime, you guys have been growing all day long at school. Let's share what you did today. Grow and share, grow and share. It's such a great living pattern to find that confidence and to find your individuality and thrive in that and appreciate it because the, the daisies and the, and the tulips, you make each other more beautiful when you're standing right next to each other, right?

Yeah. I'm thinking about grades and it drives me nuts. Where did my voice go? And I'm thinking about my daughter go, oh my God, I was, I was just like livid in my brain. Well, I only got a 94 and she got a 99, and I was like, oh wow.

Oh, goodness. You're doing fine in my book.

Yeah.

Too happy, upset about a 94. Are you kidding me?

Oh my gosh, I'd be jumping for joy.

Me too, me too. So go ahead.

No, I was gonna say, that brings up— that reminds me of the 4 C's.

I don't know. I would love to hear.

So these 4 C's are what we believe will kill a garden, and weeds in our garden. And I have this on my fridge for my kids. So any mom listening, they can jot these down and put them up on your fridge because it's so good to identify these 4 C's so we can counteract them, right? And those are: don't compare, don't criticize, don't compete, and don't complain. So those, those things, those behaviors will automatically kill our growth. And because if we're competing with a sibling, if we're comparing or with a friend, it definitely takes it to a level where we're not, we're not focusing on being the best version of ourselves. We're comparing. And you, and that there's, there's no benefit when we compare ourselves to somebody else or if we're trying to compete. Like, why can't we all be awesome? You got a 94, you got a 99. That's incredible. You girls are both amazing.

I was like, oh yeah, there's— I've been, I've been working hard. I'll tell you, 5th grade is middle school where I live, which is absurd to me. Now she's headed to 6th grade and the comparison game, the negative self-talk and the drama. Can we move to friend drama?

Oh yes, we have a drama aunt.

Oh my God, let's talk about friend drama. She comes home crying about whatever, whoever said she was ugly or fat, or they're fighting. Help me.

Okay, we have so many episodes about this. We have about friends, we have a specific one just about drama, and we talk about Whatever you do, do not feed the fire of drama. And this is how you stop those fires. And let's take the one you just mentioned, okay? When someone hurts your feelings, we have a whole episode about this called Hurt Feelings. And what these— well, throughout our whole program and even life, like moms, parents dealing with children, we want to empower our children to let them recognize that they have the power They decide how long will that comment stick on me and affect me. Is it going to be 4 days? Is it going to be 4 weeks or is it going to be 4 seconds? Obviously, we, we push these girls to like 4 seconds, baby. Are you kidding me? Like, that's that person's opinion. And that opinion is not going to, is not going to affect my growth, you know? And, and, and they should never have thrown that, that dirt at me anyway. And It makes you realize, okay, let's self-regulate too. I can't be throwing that kind of dirt on other people. So if I go and say, oh my gosh, she just said this about me, or she said this about you, I mean, that's feeding that drama fire, right? We've got to decide. And I don't know why girls naturally, it just naturally goes that way. I mean, it's kind of like the negative ants. It's like naturally drama a little bit. I mean, boys don't really do it. I have 3 boys and 3 girls, and my boys are kind of like, eh, They said that.

That's my son to a T. He's like, brush it off, brush it off. That's what he tells them. That's what we teach them.

Girls just need that constant guidance over and over and over. Like, like, you're, you're all worked up, you're all sad. Hello, you have the power. You can move on in 4 seconds.

And oh, I love that so much. I said to her, well, We know that you're not ugly. We know that's like not true. So reject. I'm like, push the reject button. I'm like, that is not accurate.

I love that. And we have a whole, we have a whole episode about like gossiping too. When those girls get going, it, like he said, it's like a fire. It's like a bonfire that just absolutely explodes. So we role play with them. We role play and give them situations like, okay, if this is happening, Here is what you can do. You can remove yourself, first of all, and you can say, you know, I forgot something in my locker. I will be right, you know, and just leave, or I have to go to the restroom. Then you just walk away and you don't even engage. You don't even fuel that fire of gossip and drama and the comparing and all the things. We also tell them that they can change the subject. They can say, oh, wait, what are you doing Friday night? Are you doing da-da-da? Or how is your soccer game?

Last night.

Like, there's, there's little tools and there's tricks that these girls— that we teach them to avoid all of that and to stop and just be, just be a leader and just be someone who's going to not let it fuel everybody else and not get the cattiness going because it just— it's just girls.

Think about what is it— what would a fire do to a garden of life? Yeah, destroys, burn it down. Like, and you are left with nothing for a minute. It's like these girls have to realize that they just, they are the, they are their, they are the Master Gardener. They control that garden gate.

I love all of this so much. I just can't believe these 11-year-olds are calling each other fat and ugly. I just, I know, you know, I tell you, back when I was 11, I do not remember this, and maybe I blocked it out, but I was like, really? That's what they're saying to each other.

It's so sad.

It's—

they're so critical of each other when, when they should be the one building each other up. And, and it's something sadly that they will deal with forever, for a long time. Sometimes even as moms there's that competition and there's like, oh my gosh, did you see what her kid did? You know, that type of stuff. And, and not only can we as moms be the example, but we can also teach them to exactly the same thing— stop the conversation, walk away, not engage, right? And but when they learn these tools young, how much more equipped they'll be for, um, high school and for college and motherhood, you know, eventually.

Unfortunately, I think these girls are mimicking what the adults of the world are doing right now. And really, really sad. And so I think these girls are so needed, their goodness and their natural beauty. And they're just— they're so pure. Like, we need them as our examples. And if we can strengthen them, this new generation coming up with— who won't throw that type of dirt like that is just hurting people. Like, look to hurt people, look to build and lift and grow together. So we're, we have a lot of hope in these girls. We believe in them with all of our hearts, and that's why we're doing what we're doing. And if we can make them a little bit stronger, they can become our leaders and our, just the future.

I have no doubt that you ladies are doing magnificent work out there. I, I love the tools you're teaching these girls. They need them. They don't know to brush it off. They don't know to grow their garden. Like they don't know this stuff. Stuff. I mean, we have to teach them. And, um, you know, I want them to feel like they belong. And one of my daughters makes friends with the wall. She would make friends like with anyone anywhere. And one of my daughters, I would just love for her to feel that sense of belonging. So how can we help them with that?

Join I Believe in Me.

Yeah, I'm signing them up.

No, because once a month we have something called How's It Growing? It's kind of girl chat and we do a theme, but, but we really do gather and you don't have to do that part of the program. The program is very individualized. You can choose what parts, you know, but it's a weekly episode, but then also a monthly gathering and they get to hear from and see other girls across the country that are doing and involved in the same type of life that they are, you know, and where they're— they get those— that sigh of relief, like, Okay, this is normal. Like, oh, she felt, you know, like we just had one on friends and just to be able to share experiences like getting your feelings hurt or something good happens to you, but that girl didn't make the team and she's your friend. How, what do you do? How can you help her without like rubbing it in that she didn't get it? I mean, that was one of the, one of the scenarios that the girls brought up and these girls watching them help each other and share experiences, it just brings so much belonging. But I'll let, I'll let one of the other ladies talk about Be the Sunshine because that's another tool that we use in friends, like making friends and keeping friends and reaching out.

Yes, one thing I was going to say, Rebecca, is when we help our daughters and our kids have that confidence inside and things are said about them or they're not invited to the friend get-together that weekend and, you know, they have their feelings hurt, they feel left out, they don't belong, there's all of that coming in. There's an aspect where we can teach them, you can be the sunshine for somebody else. Don't give up. Like, there is somebody out there who feels just like you, and they need a friend. So why don't you create the sunshine? You be the sunshine in your garden and, and shine that light on someone else. When you're at school, if you see someone in your classroom who's sitting all by themselves, you can go over and say hello. Go over and introduce yourself. Go make a friend. In order to have a friend, be a friend, right? You can create a get-together on the weekend. It doesn't have to be anything big, but just something genuinely to create friendship and foster like a true friendship where you are not competing, you are not comparing. But there are a lot of people out there who might feel like you. So reach out. Turn around and share what you have inside because you are amazing. Who cares what that girl thinks? She called you fat.

Guess what?

You know you are not. You know you are amazing because you know who you are. You are a girl with gifts to grow and share, and I know who you are. So, you go find somebody who needs also a friend and be the sunshine. There is so much happiness that is out there if you can just decide, I am going to be this kind of girl. Who cares what that girl thinks? Who cares that I didn't get invited? That would've been nice, but guess what? I can have so much fun this weekend. I'm gonna, you know, make cookies with my friends. Maybe we'll do water balloons, maybe we'll paint, maybe we'll go ride our bikes. There's unlimited possibilities to create happiness in your garden.

That's good advice. I always tell her to send out the invitations. Don't wait for the invitations.

Yes, exactly.

They all wait.

They all wait for an invitation and I'm like, stop waiting. Like, let's do it. Yes.

What are we gonna do? Yes, yes, exactly. Don't put your happiness in someone else's hands.

Yep, eat it yourself. I love that. I love that. Well, and we've talked so much about the girls, and before I let you go, can you share with us a little bit about the challenges you're seeing parents have and, um, how you're helping parents? Because, uh, yeah. Lots of parent struggles.

Yeah, it's true. One of the reasons that we did create this, obviously it's for the girls, but we're here— it is to back up parents. Like, whatever parents are trying to instill in their daughters, and like a sense of who they are, being motivated to do well in their part of life, which is school and friends, you know, um, cultivating their talents, knowing what hard work really looks like and the benefit of that, and the feeling of confidence that work comes. That's, those are, that's how we tackle, like, I mean, it's a very happy approach to middle school, what we, with real tools on how to keep it happy. So really the whole program is to back up parents.

So yes, and I feel like we have episodes, Katie, where we're, we're telling the girls it's okay to delay social media. So we're kind of, we're kind of hoping the parents are hearing this too. Like, parents, your daughters don't need social media right now. Get them off, because we're telling them It's cool not to be on TikTok.

You're 11 years old.

Don't worry about that. Go create your own party. You don't need to record some kind of—

gosh, right?

So we want, we want parents to realize the magic in, you know, creating a routine. Like if you're, if you don't have a routine and chores for your kids, guess what? There is stability there. Go do it. Help your daughter. Like we, we have moms who listen to these episodes with their girls and they're like, oh my gosh. We're totally doing this. We're totally going to start a routine. We're going to start an after-school routine. Let's write it down. We know how to create a routine because Katie, Becky, and Ali told us. We're going to write down all these steps after you get home. We're going to get a snack. We're going to put your, you know, your chores. Set a timer. We're going to get out. Like, there's literal things that we are trying to help create, I guess, a system within this family, within these girls, so that it will be long-lasting, and they'll be moms someday too, right? So we're creating hopefully this structure of parents and girls supporting each other, creating new habits, right?

Well, you've sold me like 50 million times, so tell us how we can sign our daughters up for this, please.

If, if you go to bloomfully.com So think of a flower or a girl blooming fully. So bloomfully.com, you'll see the two programs, the one mentioned earlier for elementary age, Singers Company, and then the one that we obviously talked in depth for middle school girls called I Believe in Me. So click on I Believe in Me, you can see the membership options, you can kind of have— you have a chance to see a couple episodes and just so you know what we're about. And if you have any questions, you can message in, but we would love to have any girl. We're here to help them. Support them, cheer them, cheer them on. Yeah. So, and parents too. And by cheering, I mean, we all know as parents, like, I have 6 kids, Becky has 7 kids, Ali has 4 kids, you have 3 kids. It's like, we know that one child, especially in middle school, who can get moody can affect everybody.

Yes, the whole nature of the garden can sound—

oh my gosh, if we can help the most vulnerable one, a girl ages 10 to 13, um, more confident in her family, where the routines are there and the family can stay steady whenever those worms and storms come. That's, that's what we're trying to do. So yes, bloomfully.com.

I, I mean, I can't emphasize to you enough how much this is needed. The 3 of you know it's why you created it. But, um, as a mother who observes all these girls that they bring over and seeing my daughters and their friends and I love what you're doing. I can't express enough. It's so needed, so wonderful. I love your theme. I love your work, and I cannot thank you enough for giving me your precious time today.

Oh, thank you for having us.

Thank you.

We're just here to help.

Well, you're doing it. You're succeeding. I, I, when I read what you were doing, I was like, when can I talk to these ladies? How soon can I talk to them? You're fun. You're happy.

I know.

We love you.

This is so good.

And we just appreciate you too. We appreciate your platform and your message to parents and girls. And it's just, it's needed in this world. Any positive, you know, light we, we wanna be a part of and we wanna support and link arms with you. So we appreciate you having us here today.

My pleasure. And your happiness and your joy and your drive is contagious. And I want you to know it. I feel it. Through the screen. Cute.

Well, right back at you, because we can feel it too. 100%.

Thank you so much, ladies. This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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