Episode 271: You Are Worthy

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday.

No need to wine it. Oh, I thought that's what you were— why you were pointing to me.

I was just telling you to say hello. You don't have to sing.

Hello everyone.

Do not make fun of the way I say hello. Okay, try again.

What's up?

Oh my God, should we start over?

Sure. Hi, welcome to Winey Palooza Wednesday.

Okay, so are you ready now? Ella just stormed upstairs, so she won't be singing for us. We had a long day. She's tired.

Yes, it had nothing to do with you being cranky at all.

I am definitely— it's so funny, at 9 o'clock I'm usually on the couch drifting off, and Seth is like, are you going live? And I'm like, oh, well, that's why I used to go live at 8.

And because of your show.

Yeah, but my show wasn't on, so we could have gone live at 8.

This is what I'm saying.

Sorry, I screwed up.

No, you went— you used to go live at 8 so you could watch your show at 9.

Oh, I just—

Vanderpump—

I, I want to rewind and tell you that we used to go live at 8 because at 9 o'clock I'm usually falling asleep.

And that, yes, that too.

But I'm doing better in the summer.

Yeah, well, you're getting up later and you're staying up later and And you love it. Some of us still have to get up at the same time in the morning.

I have to remind myself at night on vacation. I have to remind— well, I usually have to get up for something, but not as early as you, right? Um, I have to remind myself at night to put the book away and go to bed because it is midnight and I'm falling asleep. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm a Colleen Hoover widower.

You are not.

It is. I lose my wife every night to Colleen Hoover.

Um, for the record, I read every night regardless of if it's Colleen Hoover.

Okay, last couple months, most of the summer, it's been Colleen Hoover and it's been a, no, I gotta finish, I gotta get to the next thing. And, and I'm like, okay, and I read for 10 minutes and I'm ready to fall asleep. And you read for an hour, which is wonderful except it's bedtime.

Okay, so if you are a Colleen Hoover fan— obsessed— I'm not obsessed.

You're a Hooverite. I'm gonna make up a name for you, the Hoover Addicts.

Okay.

Hoover Fanics.

Okay, so—

Hoover Fanatics.

So, Mr. Goal-Oriented Person.

Yes.

I made a goal.

Yes, read them all.

To read all of her books.

Yes.

And I'm almost there.

I hope she appreciates you.

I have 2 more books.

You could do it. All at once!

So if you have read Colleen Hoover books, I want to hear from you. What did you like? What didn't you like? Did you read them all? Are you like me? Are you going through all of them?

I think I read 2.

If you are not like me—

And I gave up.

And you haven't—

same story—

and you haven't read Colleen—

tortured love affair—

read Verity and read It Ends with Us and It Starts with Us. Yes, right?

Yes, the It Ends with Us, It Starts with Us were really good, and then I noticed a recurring theme in some of her other books and said, I don't need the boy meets girl, oh, tortured boy or tortured girl and past, and we got to get through it and write some letters and flashback in time, and I'll just be happily married to you.

I like that plan. Hi, Joanne! Can we, can we keep that plan?

Yes, I do not need to read tortured romance. So I feel pretty good about the one I've got.

I'm so happy that you feel good about it.

You're not tortured.

Um, thank you for so much angst. Thank you for taking the day off.

You're welcome.

We spent the day in Lewiston.

We did.

Did you have a nice time?

I did.

Did you have a nice day?

I did.

And the weather was nice today. We even got to go in the pool. And who knows what tomorrow will bring, because one day it's cold and rainy and one day it's hot and feels like summer. So we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Summer weather changes so fast. We're gonna write a song about Buffalo.

Are you punchy?

I don't— can't imagine why.

Okay, do you want to talk about the topic?

I would. I've been waiting for you to get there.

Well, I, I'm just catching up.

Okay, I was there all day. You don't have to catch up with me.

Okay, so my topic is you are worthy, and I'm hoping that my friend watches this. This is dedicated to her. This is dedicated to all the women that I hear talk negatively about themselves.

Um, I want to say you've gotten a lot better at this.

Okay, and I, and I caught myself today, and we'll talk about that in a minute, but I'm astounded by how I hear women talk about themselves, and it inspires me to try to help them. I think, I think that I'm inspired to help, but I think it also inspires me to talk nicely about myself. Yes. Because when you hear someone talking negatively about themselves, you don't want them to do it, and then you realize that you do it and you don't—

Oh crap, I said that to myself the other day.

So I caught myself today and I stopped talking and Seth looked at me on our walk and I said, I'm just— I don't want to talk negatively about myself, so I just need a moment to reframe what I'm about to say.

Yes.

So I'm catching myself. So I'm rubbing— I'm not only trying to motivate others, I'm trying to learn and walk the talk.

Yes.

Right?

Practice what you preach.

Practice what I preach. I don't want to say anything that I'm not trying myself. Right. Right?

Don't tell people to do something you don't do yourself.

So it's like we think that everyone else is worthy. We think everyone else is wonderful. We think everyone else is capable. Kind and sweet and giving, and they got their stuff together.

They're fabulous.

Yes. And, um, what about us? What about us? So I, I heard a couple friends talking about themselves, and it inspired this. And I'm gonna probably keep writing about this because I don't know that it's going to go away like just like that. I can't change it for them. I realize that as much proof as I can stack that somebody is worthy, and I can stack and I can If you read my blog, I wrote about this. It's at wineapalooza.com, and I said, I know that you are probably fighting with me right now about why you're not worthy, so I'm ready to fight, and I'm never gonna stop fighting. So you can tell me whatever you want about why—

give in and feel worthy, right?

You can tell me whatever you want about why you don't feel worthy, and I will have a rebuttal.

She's ready to come.

I am ready to come back at you at why you are worthy.

You're fabulous.

And I want to say, a coach, Kelly Hutchison, had a tremendous impact on me. I need to get back to listening to her podcast, Harmony in the Home. And I listened to it, and she was talking about being worthy, and she said we are worthy because we were created That's it. She's like, that's it right there. You were created, therefore you're worthy. And you know, I don't want this to be an excuse for all of us to do nothing, but that changed me. And I started to realize that during my days, I'm justifying myself to myself. It's not to him. He doesn't come home and say, what'd you do? What did you do today? And I know some husbands do that. He doesn't come home from work and say, "Come on, prove it to me that you got something done." He could care less. I do not care. Which is a whole nother topic.

Okay.

And is very lovely that you don't make me feel like I need to justify myself to you.

You exist, you're married to me, that's all I care about. You gonna be here when I get home? I mean, at some point, are we gonna be in the same house together? You're not? Out and about.

When I'm not— when we're not passing.

Yes.

So I realized what I was doing was I was justifying myself to myself, and I was saying things like, you did 2 loads of laundry, you cooked for your family, you, you got your podcast done, you answered your emails. Like, I started every day in my head to list what I had gotten done to make myself feel worthy. Like, you did a lot You're worthy, you're great. And I noticed other women doing that too, and I'm just wondering why we all started to think that what we do is what makes us worthy, or, you know, our job makes us worthy, our husband makes us worthy. Where did we get these ideas? You know, maybe somebody's going through a divorce, you know, they're worthy. Maybe somebody didn't get anything done today. They're still worthy. You know, I started to ask Seth, what are people saying to themselves that is making them feel not worthy? And you had some really good lines. Do you remember them, or do you want me to say them?

Go for it.

He was—

I didn't know there was a pop quiz.

No, you rattled off a ton of stuff when I was writing because I just asked you a question and you ran with it.

Yes.

And he had some really good ones that I've heard from a lot of people. I hope that these aren't any things that you tell yourself.

Oh, okay. Well, now I'm ready.

Okay. You don't know the real me. You don't know what I did. Um, you had more. What else did you say?

You, uh, reason people think they're not worthy. Um, you had good ones. You don't know what I did. If you knew the real me.

You wouldn't think I was worthy if you knew the real me, or if you saw what I just did, or what I didn't do, what I didn't do, or if you saw that I just yelled at my kid or my husband.

You know, people have a story with a reason why they're not— why they're not worthy. And the only thing standing in the way of you feeling worthy is losing that story. Like, you're literally trying to make yourself feel less— not worthy. Yeah, maybe we weren't taught. Maybe you weren't taught to feel good about yourself. Maybe you had a role model, a parent who could never do enough to feel worthy, and you're copying them without realizing it.

Or women will say to me, my house is a mess, you, you wouldn't understand, or you, you don't know what I deal with every day, or you don't, you don't know how many times I lay down. You you know, just like trying to convince me that they're not worthy. And there's probably nothing you can say to make me feel like you're not worthy, you know. But that doesn't matter because I have— well, not me, it's not my job, it's your job to own that you are worthy. And I am putting out to the universe and hoping that we ripple this out to people that we don't let people talk negatively about themselves, and that people realize that their job, their money, their house, their spouse, their kids— oh my gosh, their kids behave a certain way, or they're not doing well in school, and so they think they're not worthy. Our kids' performance does not make us worthy. Our kids having a— oh my gosh, if I could go back, if I could go back This wonderful lady posted in my Whiny Pooza Mom group, and please come join us if you haven't already.

Such a supportive community.

Well, thank you. And I was very impressed the other day, and she posted about potty training, and the responses had me crying because they're all supporting her and lifting her up and giving her advice and loving her. And I was so moved by the whole conversation, and it took me back to when my kids were little. And, you know, I just wanted to shake myself thinking back and just not knowing what I know now.

Yep, you beat yourself up.

I was, you know, I noticed, you know, Lily's teeth moving, so I like freaked out. I'm a terrible mother for letting her have the binky, and I have to take the binky away right now.

And this was years ago.

Freaked. Yes, when Lily was probably 2. Yes.

So remember your freak out? You know, I gotta get her to the dentist and take that binky Right away, the freakouts about the binky, the freakouts about potty training, the freakouts—

oh, the preschool telling me that Max had to be potty trained to come and putting that pressure on myself and feeling not worthy. The kids having a temper tantrum in Target and feeling unworthy. Like, if that stuff happened now, I would be like, tantrum on the floor, go for it!

But should livestream that.

We would have had so much fun with this.

If we didn't take ourselves so seriously. You were so obsessed.

I was so obsessed. I was too hard on myself.

Yes.

And, and didn't, didn't feel worthy if my kids still had a bottle or weren't going on the potty. How silly is that? I will— I—

he remembers the M&M's from potty training. That is awesome. I will teach you pets.

I will teach my children to do differently and to feel differently and to feel worthy regardless of their children's behavior, regardless of their careers. We don't need— I, I want my husband, but you don't make me worthy. I couldn't, right? I have to do that. I have to do that myself. I have to find it from within. Yes. What about what we were talking about where you take your your hurts and your flaws and you make them your superpower.

Yes.

Can we talk about that?

Sure.

So Seth and I were— Seth started the conversation and was reading about this, right? Yes. How you can take your hurt and make it your superpower.

Yes. Okay, just finished the book earlier today, which I haven't told you about yet.

Oh, well, do you want to tell me about the rest or you want to wait till after this?

After this for the rest, but we can talk about the first part.

Okay, so we're going to talk about the first part, and it was a really good conversation about the things that we think is like maybe damaged or stuff—

your inner hurts—

or stuff that maybe I don't like about myself and how we flip it and look at it as more of a superpower. So do you want to say yours, or do you want me to start?

Why don't you start?

So I really did not like how sensitive I was. Do you know this?

We're gonna find out.

Okay. Um, I have not perfected this stuff, so you're gonna see stuff that comes up now.

Still, I'm aware that you are not completely insensitive, so—

well, no, no, I, I'm saying in the past, I got it, I did not like how sensitive I was, and I noticed that I cried a lot. I noticed that I was— I really, really felt major empathy for, you know, other people in my life or a TV show or a movie, and I just, you know, or like if I saw a dead animal in the street, it would like hurt me. So I just noticed how extremely sensitive I was, and I didn't like it, and I wanted to be in quotes tougher. And as time went on and, you know, I chose the career of social work and I became a mother and a wife, I realized that it's one of my superpowers how sensitive I am. I feel deeply and I give them so much love and so much attention and I don't cry as much but when I cry I'm not like, you know, criticizing myself, "You're so sensitive." but it really helped me in my career because I have like empathic superpowers, so I can really put myself in other people's shoes.

Yes.

And understand where they're coming from and help them. So I started to realize that I was like feeling icky about myself because I was so sensitive, and I turned it around.

That's awesome.

So do you— did you know this about me?

Well, did I know that you were sensitive? Yes. Did I know that you were working on it? Yes. Did I know that you were con— that you didn't like all of it about yourself? No, that is news to me. I did not know that you weren't happy about that, and I didn't know that you were working— that that was part of the reason you were working on it. But do I know that your empathic emotions make you a phenomenal therapist and mother for— and wife? For sure, 100%, right?

And you still You still say things to me about this, and you don't realize that it's connected, but you will say things to me like, there's nothing wrong with crying. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you to cry. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad.

Yep.

So you have noticed this about me?

Yes, that you have decided at some point that you didn't like feeling that way, and you try to substitute a different emotion in its place that might not necessarily be as productive for everyone involved. And yes, I've tried to be like— when you're like, oh, if this one more thing happens, I'm gonna cry, and I'm like, good, let it out, let's cry about it.

What did I say I wanted to cry about today? Oh, the pharmacy.

Yes.

And you were like, just cry.

Yes, it's okay, don't threaten it, just actually cry, right? Just get it out.

Okay, so your turn.

Do we need to watch Titanic every day or something?

No.

See, look at the reaction.

Why are you all— oh, you're all dressed up to do your stuff. Okay, so do you want to talk about your superpower and we'll end?

Sure. So I took an unconscious wound from my young— from my childhood and turned it into multiple businesses, all in some way, shape, or form involving helping people manage money, grow their money, or make more money, um, which was kind of something that I felt like I wanted more of when I was growing up.

So in other words, our, our summary here is that if there is stuff that hurt you or that you felt a lack of, or your needs you felt weren't met, something you don't like about yourself, try to flip it around and look at how it serves you and how it can be more of like a superpower. And I think now when I don't like something about myself, I'm going to try to look at it differently.

And favorite word, reframe.

It is my favorite word. Well, one of them. And, you know, whether whatever has happened along the way yesterday, today, tomorrow, 20 years ago, you're worthy. Yes, you are worthy. And if you— if we could talk to the, the man, woman, it, whatever you believe is upstairs, they would tell you that you're worthy for sure. So I hope, I hope, I hope that we can ripple this out into the universe.

Please share it.

I hope that— been slacking and going to bed early, have missed you. Oh, well, you're worthy, Joette.

It's okay that you went to bed early.

Well, kudos to to you for going to bed early. I've been going to bed too late.

Yeah, talk to this lady.

Seth is not happy with me because he has to get up early, so I will start going to bed a little earlier for Seth.

Well, you know, you do have an incoming deadline in a few weeks.

Oh, please don't talk about the S-word. Sorry, the S-word, not the S-U word. Let's not talk about the S-C word, if you're following me.

Yeah, I got you.

Okay. So ripple this out into the universe.

Like, comment, subscribe, share.

Oh well, yeah. So this—

you're talking about this with another person who needs it, please. Thank you.

That's what I was trying to say. And whether it's—

the more you share, the more Facebook will show it.

The more— whether it's on Facebook or it's through my podcast, share it with someone who you think needs to hear it, please. I would love to help women in particular to feel worthy. I would love to see this make a difference. So come over here so they can see how beautiful you look. She's ready.

She's gonna do a quick vlog on your show.

Oh, okay. What do you want to show them? Show them. Thank you, Joette. It's so nice to— I was gonna say it's so nice to see you, but I can't see you, so it's so nice to hear from you. Okay, so my brand is called Loves Lily.

Lily Loves Beauty.

Yeah, and I've been coming out with chapsticks, and it's the cherry.

Yep, that's the cherry one. And she's gonna do her first video shoot for it.

So we are going to end so that Lily can go record her video for her chapstick that she is selling. And, uh, I'm excited for you. Yeah, I'm excited.

First in the beauty product line.

So listen to the podcast, share it, share the vlog, read the blog, and go buy my book if you haven't bought my book. It's on Amazon. So tell everyone that they should have a wonderful week. Have a wonderful week. We will see everyone next week. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, Go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

49 faces looked to him in triumph. Over the last 12 months, they had each taken turns and promoted his business for a week at a time, driving over $987,342 in revenue. What if you had a network of 50 centers of influence who promoted your business every week for a year? Grab your copy of the number one Amazon bestselling book, The Ultimate Guide to Growing Your Business with a Podcast. At 33% off the Amazon price by going to ultimatepodcastbook.com. Again, that website for 33% off the Amazon price is ultimatepodcastbook.com.