Episode 299: From Dreidels to Deadlines

Hello everyone, happy Winey Plousa Wednesday!

Happy Winey Plousa Wednesday, Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah! If you're celebrating, a big huge happy Hanukkah from my family to yours. It was a really nice 7th night of Hanukkah. Tonight is the 7th night and I'm really proud of us because we fit in, we fit in a lot of stuff. Yes, we've had a good night. Yes, I've been really frustrated because when I looked up when Hanukkah is this year, I was very disappointed. Hanukkah started Thursday, I think it was the 7th. Yes, and it ends— oops, let's turn this down— and it ends this Friday at sundown. So the 8th night is this Thursday and it's during school. And my kids have homework. And my kids have tests. And my kids have activities.

Yes.

So lots of fun trying to fit in Hanukkah. So the title couldn't be more appropriate.

Yes.

The title this week is From Dreidels to Deadlines. And as I was writing this, I was laughing because I was meeting my deadline for my blog. So my kids are meeting their homework deadlines. Seth and I are meeting our work deadlines, and we're fitting in some dreidels.

Yes.

How are we doing, honey?

We're doing good. We're live everywhere we're supposed to be.

No, I'm saying, are we fitting in?

Oh yes.

Are we fitting in Hanukkah to your satisfaction?

I had no expectations, so yes.

Okay, so let's focus on that because you know me and my expectations.

You have lots of expectations.

Okay, so So my whole life is trying to meet your expectations. Honey, you've exceeded my expectations.

Well, then you should always be happy.

I— you have far exceeded my expectations. Do you not know that?

Depends on the day.

Okay, I will, I will scream this to you every day.

Well, no, no, no, no, no, I will gently scream other things. That's the problem.

I will gently tell you loving things.

There we go.

So how did you have no expectations?

Because we have a busy, crazy life and the kids all have stuff and their stuff doesn't stop because Hanukkah this year is not occurring over Christmas break. So teachers are going to give homework and have tests and they're going to have activities. So I was like, whatever we can fit in works.

So is it unrealistic of me to expect teachers to give less homework and less tests during Hanukkah?

Yes, I think it would. It's a noble goal. But unless you talk to like the Secretary of Education and implement it at a national level and lead a groundswell of civil support, it's not going to happen.

So unless I go to a board meeting and say, I want you to enforce a rule that there's no homework and tests during Hanukkah.

Yeah, I don't know that that's going to happen. They already lose so much for snow days.

I think, I think that it's not a realistic expectation. And I think that the biggest thing I have learned this week is that I have had to bring my expectations way down. And one of the things I have seen is that even if we have 45 minutes of Hanukkah, it's still Hanukkah.

It is.

And I said to Seth, I said, okay, Ella has this, and then Lily has this, and how are we gonna do Hanukkah? And he's like, it doesn't take that long, right? But tonight, tonight, I feel like we had time and we did stuff. And I feel happier than when we try to squeeze it in.

Awesome.

Well, they didn't have to go anywhere tonight.

I know, I loved it so much. I said, I— we got home and I was like, does anyone have anything? Like, am I forgetting something? So I did look it up. And next year, Hanukkah is over break.

Hallelujah.

So as I try to fit in Hanukkah celebrations, I tell myself a few things to ease my mind. Number 1, Hanukkah is not a big deal. I don't know if you know this, but Hanukkah is a big deal because of Christmas. Hanukkah is not a big deal. It's not even a big holiday. So that's what I tell myself. Why are you looking at me like that?

I don't know if that's actually true or if you're just making that up, if you just decided that.

Hanukkah is not a big holiday. Look it up.

Okay, I will do some research.

When we are done, I'm gonna go prove to Seth that once again today I am wrong. Okay, what are our big holidays? Let's, let's divvy them up, count them up.

Well, it depends on what you consider big versus, say, some Jews who are more Orthodox might consider all of them important.

Okay, well, I'm gonna start with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I'm gonna start with our high holy days. Those are the big deals. Then I'm gonna go to Passover, and then I'm gonna go to Hanukkah. And I didn't even talk about Sukkot because I don't even know where the rest of the holidays— there's so many, right?

You gotta ask people who actually— we're not— we are not a good test case of this. We are not a good example. We're not. Oh my God.

Well, I should know a little something, a little something something.

She's here all week, folks.

Hey, we went to Hebrew school, we had our bat mitzvah, we were confirmed. We know a little something. Yes, give us a little more credit. Okay, you don't have to be Orthodox to answer questions.

I didn't say you did. So you said we're not an expert on all of the holidays we don't know about.

So as I have been very frustrated, yes, with the schedule and trying to fit the dreidels in with the deadlines, yes. What I am telling myself to cope is that first of all, Hanukkah is not really a big deal, which I'm going to prove to my husband after this.

Fine.

Second, there's no time requirement. Like any time requirement I've made up in my head.

Very true.

Okay. And number 3, what is number 3? It's good enough. It's good enough. Like what I'm doing is good enough. And if I can get any message out to the universe of mothers who will hear this, everything we do is good enough and we are good enough.

Yes.

And I don't like when mothers say to me, oh my God. Now, first of all, I post every night because it's my tradition every year. And I have set myself up for certain traditions. Tradition number one lighting the menorah every night. Tradition number 2, giving my kids gifts every night. Tradition number 3 is posting every night. So people tell me, I look forward to your posts. So then that makes me want to post and share our Hanukkah celebrations. It is not to make anyone feel bad. You realize that it may be 30 minutes of blessings and presents or less. And I mean, I don't think it's less, but I'm trying to add in— oh, we didn't do the crafts. I bought Hanukkah crafts. We didn't get to them today. I bought ginger—

you made the gingerbread houses yesterday, right?

I— we did gingerbread houses yesterday. We did the dreidel game.

I don't know what gingerbread houses have to do with Hanukkah.

Well, usually I get a Hanukkah house, right?

I was gonna say, and that is just probably from Christmas, right? There was no Hanukkah house thousands of years ago.

Um, do you know how many things that I do for our children that come from Christmas? Let's talk about Mensch on the Bench.

Right.

Let's talk about Mensch. Do you know who Mensch is? Mensch is the little guy who was created to be our Jewish elf.

Yes.

Because the kids were jealous of the elves. So now Lily has requested that Mensch float around our house, having fun in our house. And Mensch brings her gifts, and Mensch gets into chaos, and she loves every minute, and she wakes up and she goes and looks for match. So that comes from the elf.

Yes.

The Hanukkah house comes from the gingerbread houses. The decorations come from Christmas decorations.

We need to come up with our own stuff.

Um, what is our own stuff? Is the menorah, right? That's our own stuff. The dreidel game is ours. The dreidel song is ours.

Yeah.

But every time I make up a Hanukkah song to a Christmas song, I get aggravated with myself.

I didn't know you made up Hanukkah lyrics.

Haven't you heard me? Like, on the first night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me— you haven't heard me sing that?

I gave you Morganite earrings again.

You gave me the same earrings again.

And don't know— don't buy— you got to check your wife's jewelry collection because you might accidentally buy her something you already bought her.

It's okay, you made up for it with the next present.

Yes, I did.

So lowering my expectations, realizing there's not a time requirement, realizing that everything I'm doing is good enough. What is the ultimate goal of the holiday? Do you know what the ultimate goal is?

Family togetherness.

Yes. To just be together as a family. Good job.

Thanks, honey.

The ultimate goal is to be together as a family. It is not— my friend brought me a $2 Hanukkah mat. That I absolutely love. You can buy a gift for someone for $2 that they will love. You don't have to spend a fortune. There isn't a gift requirement. There isn't an amount of gift requirement. I know what you're thinking over there. And I bought too many gifts. And I have a plan for next year. And I'm going to be more planned.

There's always the plan.

Well, so there's two things.

Someday the plan will get better.

There's two things that frustrate me about the gifts. Okay. Oh, I'm missing a really good song right now. Are you ready for this?

Focus.

Okay, you can rewind Taylor Swift. I'm gonna rewind Taylor Swift and listen to everything that they're listening to. So what was I saying? The two gift frustrations.

Yes.

Gift frustration number one is that I had no idea what I bought and I had no list.

Yep.

And I just wrapped everything and I organized everything into 3 piles. And now as I'm throwing stuff to my kids tonight, I have no idea what I'm giving them. Not a clue. Totally forgot that I bought Ella headphones. Totally forgot that I bought Max a backpack. I was like, I don't know what this is. And it's frustrating to me because I should have a list and I should know what they have.

So the heavens have opened up.

I will do better next year.

You did fabulous.

We also have 3 sets of parents who live in the same town. So the— so we had the first night Mr. Green wasn't here.

I was in— out of town for a work trip.

That's never happened before. You missed a night of Hanukkah.

I did.

I'm sorry. So I was sad. Yes. Now usually the tradition is that the first night of Hanukkah we do their biggest gift. Did you get your biggest gift on the last night?

I don't remember. There might not have been a progression of gifts. Okay, don't worry about it.

So I should ask my kids when they want their biggest gift, but I used to give it to them on the first night, but Seth made the request to wait for him, so I gave them little gifts on the first night, and the second night was our bigger night. Right?

Correct.

The second night I got to see my husband for Hanukkah.

That was a present.

The third night we got to invite your mom.

Yes.

And your stepdad and aunt over. The fourth night we celebrated my mom's birthday and Hanukkah at her house, at their house, my parents' house. And the fifth and sixth night felt very chaotic to me. Because of the school and—

Right, weeknights.

It was really chaotic. And tonight actually felt good.

I'm glad.

I enjoyed it. We played a game, we're dancing to Taylor. Tonight is going well. The last night is gonna be chaotic, unfortunately, right? And then we're not done. Do you know that we're not done? Yes, because we are doing one more night with my dad and I wanted Lily to invite friends over for like a Hanukkah thingy.

Oh, I did not know there was a thingy.

I just don't have—

Your hair looks really good today.

Okay, I washed it.

That might have something to do. It's all it takes, folks. This is mother— marriage and motherhood, right? All it takes.

He just wants me to wash my hair and get dressed. Tell them what I did yesterday.

You had a pajama day.

So I decided—

I'm very proud of you.

I was very tired yesterday. Yesterday was day 6 and I hit a wall and I decided that I was going to give myself the gift of a pajama day. That was my gift to myself. I stayed in my pajamas the whole day. It was wonderful and I had tons of work to do so I sat on the couch and did my work in my pajamas all day and it was wonderful and that was my gift to myself and guess what Seth?

What?

It gave me energy for today.

How about that?

And I'm doing much better today than I was yesterday.

I'm so glad.

So the wall has been climbed. And what I want to tell you, to everybody who is celebrating Hanukkah, you're doing great. And you've got one more night, or maybe two if you're me. And if you're celebrating Christmas, if I can do 8 nights, You can get through Christmas. So every night when they open their gifts and make a mess, I'm like, man, on Christmas, it's one mess, one mess. You only have to clean up one mess.

Unless you have Christmas at multiple houses. Not everybody comes at the same time.

Well, and the biggest trend that I heard from the mothers, which we touched on last week, is that the biggest thing that moms don't like is running around all day on Christmas. So moms want to stay home. They want to enjoy Christmas at home with their family, and they want all the other relatives to come to them.

That would make it easier.

So I can appreciate that. So we have one more night and I can do it.

You can do it.

And then we have one night with Seth's dad. Yep. And it's— we're moving along. Yes, we're moving along. And I'm learning stuff. And I'm lowering my expectations and I'm giving myself praise and I'm telling myself it's good enough. It is. And the nicest thing about this whole thing is that we're making memories and we're hoping— I'm hoping, I'm assuming you're hoping— that when our kids have families, that we have taught them traditions to pass on with their families.

Yes. Patrick says whiny palooza, LFG.

Okay, so let's think, what else? What does LFG stand for?

I do not know.

What is LFG?

You're gonna have to go look it up.

He's looking up LFG, if that's something that's look-up-able. So I'm gonna go back to my Taylor Swift. Thank you, Patrick. Let's go, we got this, we're doing it. I feel like Hanukkah superpower.

Hanukkah Superwoman.

I have Hanukkah superpowers this week.

There you go.

And I'm getting through it, and I think my kids are having some fun. And tomorrow night— tomorrow night, why do I love tomorrow night? What are we gonna do with the kids tomorrow night?

Isn't tomorrow the giving night?

So What I would love to do, but it's not going to happen, is to not do any gifts and to just talk about what charity we want to give to this year. But I still have presents left, believe it or not, that they want to save for tomorrow. They could have opened them all tonight. They want to save them for tomorrow, so they have a few gifts to open tomorrow, and we're going to talk about as a family what charity we want to give to. And if there's no agreement, will give to multiple charities. So I want to teach them. I love that they bought— some of them, some of them bought each other gifts.

Yes.

My son who can drive probably should have gone to buy his family some gifts. But I will give him a pass because he's taking 5 AP classes and he lives in his bedroom doing homework.

Yes.

Right. So we'll give him a pass.

Yes.

And our girls bought some presents for the family. And I think we're teaching them about giving. That's more important to me than them learning about receiving. Yeah, but I think they're loving their gifts. And we'll do better next year. And it'll be better next year because it's during break.

Yes, that'll help.

So high five to you.

High five to you. I didn't do that much. Well, you did 99% of it.

You're helping me through as I'm dancing.

I picked out some electronic presents.

You, you are the electronic master, and I appreciate that. And I also appreciate that you let me buy a lot of presents. And I appreciate that I'm dancing to Taylor and you're doing dishes. Yes. So I did not do what I wanted to do for tonight, so I'm gonna apologize to my group. There's a Winey Clues and Mom group on Facebook. It's free. Come join us. It's a wonderful supportive community and I love it. And I did a December holiday challenge and it is December 13th and I still have not chosen winners. So I want to tell my group— I will go tell them, uh, to give me some grace because I'm a little busy with Hanukkah. Yeah, so I think I'm going to give myself until after Hanukkah to pick winners and then I will be the Winnie the Pooh fairy and I will go out into the universe and deliver prizes. To people who took part in the challenge. And thank you to everybody who took part. That was so much fun. And this Friday, I wrote it down. I'm prepared. I have Dr. Terri Badar on the podcast. And we talked about flip your switch to a higher consciousness.

That sounds good.

And she is good. And I bought her book. And I'm busy reading two other books. So I haven't started it. But I got to start it because she said it's the type of book that you do a little bit each day and you're going to love it too.

Awesome.

It's called, it's called Flip Your Switch.

I'm going to read it before you at this rate.

Thanks, honey.

I'll give you a good book report.

So thank you for joining us on Hanukkah.

Happy Hanukkah.

And happy Hanukkah to everyone celebrating. And we will see you next week.

Thank you for watching Winey Blueser Wednesday.

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