Episode 305: Top 10 Lessons From My 300 Guests

Hello everyone, happy Winey Blues Wednesday! No need to whine, it's Winey Blues on Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Winey Blues Wednesday with the Green Family. Thank you, honey, that was so pretty. So what we need to do, we will ask Dad what we need to do. You need to re-record my song for my intro. That we play on the podcast every week. Okay, because you sound a lot more mature than you do on the, on the video than you did years and years ago. When did we record that? How many years ago?

A long time ago.

That was when I first wrote the song, all those years ago. You wrote the song? I've written far better songs since then. Well, maybe you could work— you're welcome to write a new song. Ella wrote— Ella wrote the Whiny Flu as a song. So when I was like 11, or whenever we started it. A long time ago.

Yes.

Well, thank you, Ella. Love you. Love you. Ella had a busy night. New dance class, voice lessons. We've been busy over here. How is everybody doing? How is the new year? Happy New Year! Happy New Year! We are in— you're wearing your swag instead of my swag.

Would you like me to go change? I apologize, this is what I wore today.

You look very handsome.

You look very pretty. I can go get your swag.

No, I'd like to tease you. You're way too, uh—

I take you literally. It's terrible.

Oh my gosh, we're back to that. Back?

We never left.

We're back to that. Every episode we talk about that. So for those of you who maybe knew, maybe don't know this issue that Seth and I have—

oh boy.

But marital issue that we will do on a separate podcast is that I say something.

Yep.

And I'm totally kidding, but he takes everything I say literally.

Or you say something and you don't mean what you say and I believe you.

Do you ever, women, do you ever say anything out of frustration? Does anybody understand me? Now, do I need to work on that? 100%. But I'm just saying, he takes everything, you know, 20 years later, he still takes everything I say literally. So I was kidding. You don't need to change. I was teasing you.

I love you, honey. I would have changed my— tell you, my name's Swag, if you wanted me to.

So happy Wednesday. I hope you're having a good week. I hope your new year started out wonderful, and I hope that you are thinking about what you want this year to look like? Have you mapped out personal goals, professional goals? I'm going to be honest and tell you that I have not.

I did not know that. Let's go.

So I will be working on that. You probably expected— you can't stop. You probably expected this episode to be about New Year's resolutions. But I decided that I wanted to dive into the tons of guests. I spent hours and hours and hours going through my 2023 guests. I had so many wonderful women on, and I want to thank every single guest that was on my podcast in 2023. It was a magical year, and I want to thank every single person who listened to the podcast. And I went through, and there is no way that I'm going to tell you all the lessons that I learned from my podcast, but I'm going to tell you 10. And these are, you know, some of the top 10. I'm not going to say they were the biggest lessons that I learned of the year. They are 10 that stood out to me that I want to talk to you about. And I want to start with Episode 220, Rebuilding Intimacy with Irene Fair, and she is a certified sex and intimacy coach. So that was a very cool topic. It's not one of the topics that I do often, so that was a nice new topic for me to dive into with her, and I thought she was very helpful. And one of the things that stood out to me personally is that we need to remember that men and women are very different.

And our dogs. Would you like me to try and move them?

No, no, my dog has decided to join the podcast today, or the vlog, or whatever we want to call this. So men and women are very different, and what I said to Seth before this podcast is, so I'm— if, if, if women are crockpots, what are men? And I think that we just need to remember I think one of the things that we have to just honor and remember is that we're different. We're built differently. And one of the things that she taught me, reminded me about, is that women tend to go full throttle. Now, some of my friends are teaching me to slow down. One of my friends that just texted me, I love when she tells me that she's having a cup of tea. And you know who you are. Emma, I can call you out right now. You just texted me. And Emma will say to me, I'm sitting with a spot of tea. I can't ever do her beautiful English accent. But when she says that to me, that is a reminder maybe for me to sit down with a cup of tea and slow my roll. So Kristen, Emma, those are a couple people in my life who One of their purposes is to slow me down, and I tend to go full throttle. And my wonderful husband does not like me to go full throttle because it leads to a cranky, tired wife, which is not going to help anybody in any sort of intimacy.

Right, right. And I was also— your men and women are very different comment, um, that was one of the biggest lessons I learned from, um, a course I took that was really, really good. And my breakthrough from Date with Destiny, one of them was to stop trying to expect you to communicate like me. Because I used to drive you crazy being like, hurry up, get to the point of the story. I don't need all the context and trying to expect you to communicate and listen the way I do. So I eliminated a whole bunch of unnecessary conflict.

Well, what I told Rana today when I was talking to her is that she was telling me how beautiful my family is, because what's wonderful about my podcast guests is they tend to do a deep dive and learn about me and check out my family and check out my podcast. And she was like, you know, your husband seems wonderful, you have a beautiful family. And I was like, you know what, I picked someone who couldn't be more different from me. And I have to remind myself that I need that. I have to remind myself. I think that the biggest thing, you know, I don't want this to become a whole marital thing. But the biggest thing that Seth and I can do, and hopefully this can help you, is to just accept and honor our differences. We're not trying to— I didn't want to marry myself. We're not trying to change them to be more like us. Seth has to accept that I want to feel heard and I want him to listen, and that him listening to details makes me feel loved. And I need to accept that if I could make the story a little shorter for him, that he'll be happy. So, you know, we were just on the couch and I was like, no, listen, are you gonna listen to me? I have something to tell you, you need to listen. And him and Lily are being all goofy. And, um, yeah, we're different, we're different in so many ways. And so what— so she was talking about our differences and she was talking about honoring the differences and understanding the differences and women not going full throttle all day and not having any intimacy with their husband because they're so exhausted. So we need to pace ourselves. We need to, you know, not make it so that there's nothing left, you know, right?

Amen.

So that's episode number 220. Episode number 228, Key Tips for Mindful Parenting with Carrie Teppadino. And the reason why I picked this episode is because she touched on something that I really owned this year. And I stopped trying to be perfect. I let that go a while ago. And she says, nothing is perfect and we all get messy. And she said, we need to teach our kids that. And I think we don't want our kids to think that life is supposed to be perfect and roses and sunshine. We want our kids to see that life is full of ups and downs and that's normal.

Yes.

And that it's messy and to learn from the messy and to apologize for the messy. When I get messy with them, I need to apologize. And I just loved her and her mindful parenting tips and just owning the messy. So it helps me let go of the perfectionist that lives inside of me that I have almost crushed. Yes.

Otherwise you're holding yourself to impossible standards and you end up unhappy about it.

Well, and I think that the line that perfect doesn't exist has been really helpful to me.

I like that.

Yes. I don't think that— I think that you have been key, one of the keys to my success in that area, because I used to be a perfectionist with my writing.

Yeah.

And you would say, good enough, get it done, good enough. And I changed my goal and the goal was to get it done. The goal wasn't to make it perfect.

Right, 'cause you could be never done. You could spend forever getting it perfect.

Absolutely. So that was 228. Let's move to episode 240, Free to Be with Sherine Attessam. She's an author, entrepreneur, and transformational speaker. She reminds us to play, adult play. And she says that what we do, we were just talking about this, which she reminds us that we go, we work and we work and we work and we work. And I get really cranky if I work too much and I don't play. You know that.

Yes, I didn't have any fun this weekend. It sucked. All I did was be productive.

If I am productive for a whole weekend, I'm pissed on Monday. I don't want my weekend to to be all productive. You know what feels good to me? To have some fun. And I need fun in my life. I drive the fun bus. Fun makes me very happy. And Sherene taught me that adult play is necessary and that it makes us even more productive.

Yeah, you gotta sharpen, you gotta refresh yourself, you gotta rejuvenate.

We have to rejuvenate our souls and She encourages us to write our story and find our reason for living. Somebody is here. Hello, whoever you are.

Yes, I will go.

You're gonna go find—

I'm gonna go find out who's giving you the thumbs up comment.

So someone agrees that we need more adult play.

Absolutely.

Episode 246, the root of anxiety, migraines, and intestinal issues with Tamara Costello, a specialist in Chinese medicine and the CEO of Tamara Costello Clinic. Go find this amazing lady. Probably one of the podcasts that stood out to me the most in 2023. This lady is amazing. She's holistic. She's studying how to heal the body. And she said one of the lines that will stick with me forever— and when someone hits me with something that's going to stick with me, then I'm going to talk about that. And she said, "What I hear the most from clients is that they don't have time to take care of their health." And she said she wants to tell all of us that if we don't take care of our health, then we're going to get sick, and then we're going to have no choice but to focus on our health. So she says, focus on your health as a preventative method so that you never get sick.

Otherwise, you'll be forced to make time for the disease. And she is Kim Schofield.

She— oh, hi, Kim Schofield.

Schofield. Sorry.

Close.

So I apologize, Kim.

So Tamara says that we should be eliminating dairy and sugar first in our lives. Seth will agree. Seth has not had dairy in how long, Seth?

At least a year.

And you probably feel so much better.

Yes.

And when I eliminate sugar, are you ready for this one? When I eliminate sugar, I am skinny. So, when you see me skinny, I am not eating sugar. Just saying. My, yeah, so, we will move on. Episode 255. Powerful Parenting Tools with Vanessa Colon, founder of Colon Family Services School. And the reason why I picked her is because she touched on one of my favorite things in therapy, which is the 3 R's. And you know, I'm ready. I love my R words. So she has her R words. I'm going to add one of mine into there. So she says hers are redo, Rewind, repair. So I'm going to change that, and I love that she's talking about the R's because the R words are like my favorite words. We're going to rewind, reset, redo, repair. So that's how I do it. So, and I do that as many times as I need to in a day. So those words are close to my heart, so I had to talk about them.

I wonder what all those R words have to do Rebecca.

You're funny. That is not why I like them. It has nothing to do with my name. They are just words that resonate with me. And another really big R-word that I am huge on is to reframe. And I was telling one of my podcast guests today that yesterday, when Seth got home, I presented him with We have a problem.

Yeah.

And Seth came back with, what opportunity are you presenting me with?

To be a fabulous husband.

And I was so impressed with his response. His response wasn't to roll his eyes. His response wasn't to be like, this is what I come home to.

Well, I tried both of those in previous days and they didn't work so well. So I learned.

So he's like, I walk in the door, my wife tells me there's a problem. What can I do to help her? What is that?

Nice to see you too.

I don't remember. What my problem was at the moment, but I was cranky about something.

You were.

You'll have to remind me after this what I was cranky about.

I will remind you to reframe and review.

I wish I could remember. I'm very good at moving on. You—

yes, you are very good.

I am the master.

Next, next.

You know what though? My parents taught me that growing up because they would have a fight and then they would move on. So they taught me It happens, it's over, move on. I think that's good that I'm good at moving on.

It is, it is a valuable life skill.

Okay, episode 257, The Role Stress Plays in Children's Challenging Behaviors with Alana Robinson. She is CEO of Uncommon Sense Parenting. I love this woman. She is so freaking smart. She talks about the brain. When I interview a guest, who starts talking about the brain and teaching me about my children's brain. I can't get enough of it. I think I need to like read more about it because I would imagine there's some neuroscience books about child development. So she, you know, episode 257, go listen to Alana because she's amazing and she talks about how their brain works and why they have behaviors and because of how their brain works, this is what we can do to prevent the meltdown. So she teaches you the why, and then she teaches you the how. So what she taught me, I resisted this because I'm like loosey-goosey over here. I was just teasing Seth's graphic designer that I know that she is a Virgo, and I know that she wants things a certain way. And I am not like that. I am not a Virgo and I want things to be loose and flexible. And so when Alana was teaching me that my kids needed consistency, I was resisting until she explained the brain and that because of their brain, they need consistency to prevent the behaviors. So then when something changes and see, she explained my son to me because my son wants to know what to expect. And he has even spelled that out to me and said, "I just want to know what to expect. What is expected of me today?" So a perfect example is me expecting Max to come with us to dinner. We are leaving the house at 5:30. We are going out to dinner. We are meeting your grandparents. And he wants to know that. He wants—

doesn't want to be told 5 minutes before, hey, guess what, we're going out to dinner.

He wants to be told at 9 AM that, listen, it's a Saturday, you have the whole day to do whatever you want, you're free, but at 5:30 be dressed in something decent because we're going out to dinner. And then there's no freak out, there's no annoyance. And you know, the kids all like to know. One of the things that I mentioned today was that when there is dinner, I really try to give them a warning, like in 10 minutes dinner is going to be ready, so that they know whether they're doing a game or their homework or they're on the phone, it's not an instant, like, turn it off, it's dinner time, let's go.

Gotta give them transition time.

Give them transition time. Give them prep time. I love this woman. Go listen to her. One of my favorites that I've ever interviewed. Okay, episode 265, Parenting Triggers Are Often Invitations for Deeper Healing and Growth with Dr. Laura Froyen. And Dr. Laura, I could listen to Dr. Laura all day. She has the most peaceful, calming voice. I told her I wanted her to make me a meditation tape. Because I could just listen to her and she puts me in the zone. And she started to talk about our— her, her whole presentation was on triggers and how we— the way that we can show up and be a better parent is to understand ourselves. And every time a parent says to us, I want to do better, well, you can be a better parent if you understand yourself. And if you— if something is triggering us, we have to do a deep dive and understand why it's triggering us and heal. And then we can show up and be better for ourselves and other people. So I just thought that that was so profound. I don't know what you think of that, but I just loved it so much.

Absolutely. They're our greatest teachers, our kids, for sure.

Episode 266, Helping Girls Believe in Themselves with Becky Fife, Katie Parker, and Ali Callister. Founders of I Believe in Me. And I can't stop smiling talking about these ladies. This was awesome for me because I interviewed 3 women at the same time. How often do I do that?

Never. And you were able to ask your questions and get to get a word in.

So how do you even know that?

I do listen to your show.

Did you listen to this one?

I did, because then we did some calls with them.

So I love these ladies. First of all, their energy was amazing. And, you know, I forgot to introduce my kids to their program, but we should do that because it's for tweens. And even though Ella's a teen, I think she could still benefit. It's a whole garden theme, and I love that they used a garden theme because they're, they're hitting home more with the girls because they're using garden terms to help them remember things. So I'm going to give you a couple examples. The ants, we want to get rid of the ants in our garden, and ants are automatic negative thoughts. So I hear it all the time from women, more so than from kids, because I talk to more women than kids. But it's like automatically they say something negative about themselves, and I'm like, really, really? You have to just like talk negative about yourself like that automatically? You wanna get the ants out of your garden. And they talk about what you water grows. So if you water the ants, the ants will grow. We don't wanna water the ants, we wanna water the good thoughts. And I just love their whole program. I love that they're doing it together. I loved talking to them. I had to mention them. So episode 274, The Beauty Boost Wellness for Women with Chris Balin, the founder of the Buffalo chapter of The Beauty Boost, and It's so fun for me. So I get to talk to women from all over the place. You know, I was just telling Seth, I was supposed to talk to someone from Australia tonight. I talked to someone from Texas today. You know, what countries have I talked to people from? All different countries. And Chris is in Buffalo and she lives 10 minutes from my house. So that is fun for me when I actually talk to people who like live near me.

And you can see them in person.

And I was like, you know what, Chris, we could be doing this in person right now. So I loved getting to meet her. I love the work she's doing in Buffalo. She has a Buffalo chapter of Beauty Boost for Women, and she's bringing women together, and she's doing amazing events for women. And she was talking to me about how women need women. And I'm gonna say that again because this is like a huge concept. I don't know if you know this, but women need women. It all goes back to the old time when women brought their laundry down to the river together. And I don't know if this is Chris who brought it up or a different guest who brought it up. But they told me how it all started when we would do our laundry together. And now we have washing machines. And we don't have to gather.

Yes, Jamie says we totally need to go to a Beauty Boost event. I went over the summer to the Eternal Flame and it was amazing. Let's go.

Okay, sign me up, Jamie. Let's go. I would love to go. And I loved meeting Kris, and I loved how she was telling me and reinforcing for me that women need women, and we don't want to be in our houses alone. We don't want to be working alone. We need to make time and join things and join events so that we're surrounded by other women. We are not supposed to live life alone. We are not supposed to parent alone. And I just had to mention Chris and all the great things she had to say about women. So go find her if you live in Buffalo. Go find her if you don't live in Buffalo. Go find the Beauty Boost chapter in your area. There probably is one, or you can start one. So episode 280, Teach Your Kids How to Be the Boss of Their Brain with Jessica Sarnarski. Okay, so another woman talking about the brain, and the minute she started talking about the brain, my ears perked up. And what I loved about Jessica is that she was so— she explained it so easy. It's so easy for us to remember that there's an upstairs brain and there's a downstairs brain. Okay, and we want to show up in our upstairs brain. So it is really easy for me to say, oh, she's working from her downstairs brain right now. Okay, so I love that she identifies that and I love that she says that we as parents want to show up, up for our kids with the upstairs brain, with compassion and understanding and love. We're not going to get what we want with our downstairs brain. How can we move them from the downstairs brain to the upstairs brain? We can stay in the upstairs brain and we can help them get there by listening to them And she says one of the senses— oh, I didn't write down the— Jessica is 280. She's episode 280. And she talks about that we learn about the 5 senses in school, but we don't learn about the other senses. And it had some fancy para-something name that I didn't write down. You don't know what I'm talking about.

It's like the parasympathetic nervous system.

I don't think so.

Paranormal?

No, I didn't write it down.

I got nothing.

She had other senses that she was talking about, and she said that what that means is that your brain isn't functioning the way that you want it to. You're in the unresourceful state. So to get your kids to move, you stay in the upstairs brain, you are compassionate, understanding, you listen, and then you get them to move. So Ella likes to pace.

Oh, like literally move your body. Yeah, because motion creates emotion. It would help change your emotional state. That makes perfect sense.

That you need— when I am anxious, what do I do? I twitch. Yeah, I walk. Yeah, I have to move. If I'm anxious, I can't be still. And she was saying how we want to get our kids to move. Now, if you have a little kid, she said the best thing that she has seen is to lay on the floor and have your child roll you.

Okay, okay.

So I wish that I had talked to her when I had little kids. Yeah, it's not going to help us, although it might help with Lily.

How about I get to roll her?

So she said get on the floor, have your kid roll you, watch them change their emotional state.

That would certainly be a pattern interrupt.

If you have older kids, we want to do movement that maybe isn't so silly if they're not silly people. So maybe start walking around the room with them, maybe start dancing, shaking, twitching the knees back and forth. She said get them to move and it changes them. I didn't know that. I knew that I did that. I didn't know I was doing something right.

How about that?

So thank you, Jessica. I need more guests. Adrian, I know you're listening to this. I need more guests that talk to me about the brain because we need to understand our kids' brains so that we can help them. And guess what? If we understand our brains, we can help ourselves. So I feel like I never took a psychology class that just focused on the brain. So maybe I can find some continuing ed.

You can get one now.

Oh wait, we got a bonus one. Sorry, I'm almost done, Seth.

It's all good.

I gotta put— we gotta put our girls to bed. Bonus episode 304, Navigating the Teenage Years with Dr. Liz Nissen Mathias. Did you think I was gonna end this without talking about Dr. Liz? I have talked about her before. You will hear it again in the next year because I will interview her again. We have the most outstanding rapport. Uh, if she lived here, we would be hanging out. We definitely have established a nice relationship. One of my favorite women that I have met. And she started telling me— I will never forget because it resonated with me. We have kids the same age. We're walking the walk together. She has teenagers, she has kids almost the exact same age as mine, 3 of them. And she said they went to the airport and she had her daughter lead the way. And she said that we want to put our kids in charge of things with us so that they can learn to be independent with us right behind them. So if her daughter learns how to do the airport with her there, then if she's not there, her daughter is going to be able to do the airport. So how she changed me is that now when Max starts leading the way, I step back. So I used to step forward and think that I was supposed to be doing it because I'm the parent. Now Dr. Liz taught me that Max is 16, about to be 17 this month. I can step back and let him take the lead and let him gain more and more independence. So we want to get ourselves out of a job. That is, that is my goal. My goal is for my kids to not need me. And what that means is they will always need my love, but they won't need me to help navigate through their day all day. Right?

Right.

So you're going to be so impressed. Look what I wrote down.

Who's coming on the podcast?

So those were some of my top lessons from my guests this year. It's been such a fun 2023. I'm excited for 2024. I have a bunch of guests lined up. Hopefully you love them, and I think you're gonna love them. And this Friday is Susan Bailo. And Cindy, I don't know if you're going to listen to this, but Aunt Cindy sent Susan to me and I love her. So thank you for sending me a fantastic guest.

Jamie says, this is why some teachers make kids get up and move periodically during a long class, people. Neurocyte, such an interesting topic. Promo for the next guest. Yes, you got it, Jamie.

Hold on, I'm almost done. Go upstairs. Bed, bed, bed. Okay, so we're gonna talk about— Susan and I talk about creating the life that you wish for. So you're going to want to listen to Susan. Awesome lady. Thank you, Aunt Cindy. Come find the Winey Palooza Mom Group on Facebook. We are in the middle of the January New Year Challenge, and we do a 5-day challenge every month, and then I give away prizes. Every comment gets entered for prizes. It's so much fun. The group is wonderful. I find it so supportive. Everybody supports each other. We talk about challenges, successes, Advice. I love it. I'm thankful for it. So thank you to everyone who's a part of it. Thank you to everyone who listened to episodes in 2023. I hope you'll come with me to 2024 and keep listening. And what am I forgetting, Seth? Anything?

Thank you for watching Winey Palooza Wednesday.

Thank you, everyone. Have a wonderful week.

We'll see you next week.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, Please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

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