Episode 308: From Overwhelmed to Empowered

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Whining Fuza Podcast, and I am so excited because I get to talk to Bria Davis today. Bria, thank you so much for doing this with me today.

I am so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Your energy is already waking me up, so I'm already gonna say thank you to you.

Good. I try to come in all my calls with a smile, so—

Oh my God, it's so helpful and I so appreciate it. And I want to tell you all about Bria because She's a wonderful lady. She's doing such good work. She's a wellness coach and motivational speaker specializing in empowering new moms to find balance, live healthy, and pursue their passion and purpose. As a mom of two, mompreneur with a background in health and business management— oh, of business development— she understands the unique challenges faced by new moms and has dedicated her career to helping them achieve holistic well-being. I mean, how much better can that sound to all of us. I'm like, sign me up! When can I talk to her?

I want to be whole. I want to be whole.

Yes, I love it. I love it all. I need it all. And I want to talk to you about it all, but I want to start and I want to ask you, how did you land here becoming a wellness coach specializing in supporting moms? How did you get here?

Oh man, yes, yes. So my background, um, as, as you mentioned, is in health in the sense of I have a health— a health coaching certification, and I actually started in the health space almost 10 years ago, maybe a little bit longer. After college, I did some fitness competitions, and that's where I learned a lot about how nutrition affects your performance, your aesthetics, pretty much everything that you do. And then fast forward to a few years. My husband and I decided— well, we decided to get married. We were dating then. We decided to get married, have some kids. And that's kind of where I kind of honed in a lot of my nutrition around preparing for a baby while being pregnant and then also postpartum. And so all of those things kind of come into play with your health, especially as a woman of color. There's such a disparity in the medical field when it comes to birth, maternal birth. And so I was very intentional about the things that I put in my body, how I was able to produce enough supply to feed my little ones. There were so many different health, health aspects that came into that, that it was something that it just came easy for me as to do. But I realized it wasn't easy for other women. And when I went back into the workforce each time I have, since I have my two little girls, I went back both times, there was all these different resources that weren't available that I didn't know about. And there were things that no one talked about. And so I kind of met, like, meshed the two together. And because that's why I say holistic, not in the sense of, you know, some people are, you know, herbal, things of that nature, but more so body, mind, and spirit. There has to be someone there that can help nurture and walk you through some of the things that you've experienced, I've experienced, but also kind of help coach and build a playbook for you to be able to balance what that looks like going back to work, whether you're a mompreneur or you're going through a career change. Some women go through those career changes late, much, much later, like after their kids are graduated from high school. So there's a lot that kind of goes into that. But that's originally why I decided to start my practice. And I'm so excited to be meeting so many different moms now and learning about their journeys and helping them kind of build that playbook that works for them with some frameworks that, that have worked for me in the past.

Well, and I love that you're talking about body, mind, and spirit because it's all of it. Like, we can't just work on one of the things. So we're going to talk about all of the things. And I want to start with our body because, you know, I'm laughing inside listening to you because I'm like, okay, when you're done with, with talking to Bria, you're going to go make yourself a healthy lunch. Like, I'm talking myself, right? Like, I'm talking myself through it. Like, we're not going to skip lunch. We're not going to grab something. We're not going to eat something crappy for you. Like, you're going to go take the time and make yourself a healthy lunch because that's important to me. So let's talk about busy moms and how we can take care of ourselves with our food and our health and our nutrition. Like, what can we do to help ourselves?

Yeah, that's great. I think the first thing, and anyone might say this, is to actually create that goal. What is that goal that you— what's the end goal that you want to get to? And then I'm always a bottom-up person. So once I know that end goal, I start from the bottom to how I get there. And so if— let's just use, for example, you want to eat healthy. It might not necessarily be losing weight, but you just want to have some type of health regimen. I always talk through we don't have time to worry about— and this might be an unpopular opinion— we don't have time to look when we go to the McDonald's line with our kids and figure out how many calories a meal is that we need. We don't have time to go to Cheesecake Factory and figure out how to cut down that meal to make sure it meets the calorie count. I always bring up this one tool. I don't have a measuring scale available at all times. I use my hand. My hand.

Oh.

Your hand is a great tool for measuring. So if you're looking to have a balanced plate, balanced meal— and this you could use 3 times a day, guarantee you'll see some results— is by your palm is the size of your protein. So like your chickens, your chickens, your ribs, I mean, whatever, filet mignon, whatever you eat, that protein, that's the size of your palm. You want to do 2 fists, one for complex carbs like a rice or potato, and then the other for vegetables. Just 2/5. And then if you want some cheese or some butter on your broccoli or potato, just the size of your thumb, that's like a tablespoon, or 10 to 12 almonds, whatever that may be. But that is a balanced plate. And I think we overthink the— we overcomplicate eating healthy. And it's really just knowing the ingredients, food as close to nature as possible, and the portion control. Having your hand, knowing the actual sizes, that is the start of being healthy. And then you just have to continue to have that willpower because it's going to tell you, oh, I did so good this week, I should be able to eat this. And it's like, okay, great, you eat that, but how big is that? You know? So there's balance in all of those areas. There's a balance. I definitely have to share.

So that's good to know. So you're not saying don't eat that. You're saying we have to watch our portions.

Yes, that's right.

That's really good advice.

And there's alternative ingredients to everything. You like chips? There's so many different healthy chips out here now that you just have to look on the back of the bag to see what those ingredients are. Guarantee you'll see some difference in your health goals.

Well, and I don't want to stay on You know, the food we eat. I know we're going to talk about the mind and so many other things, but I do want to ask you, what if someone's listening and they're like, you know, it's not that I just want to eat healthy. Like I need to really lose like 50 pounds, you know, 25 pounds, 50 pounds. I'm just throwing, throwing it out there. So someone who's listening and they're like, I don't even know how to do this.

I always say, well, what do you have in your home currently? What's in the fridge and what's in the pantry?

That's a good question. Any—

if it comes from a box, let's look at those ingredients in the pantry and see what's actually giving you energy. So I would start there. I would tell them to move at least 20 minutes a day, whatever type of movement that is for them. And then we have that healthy, balanced meal. But for some of us who have little ones who might like a lot more snacks than normal— I have one snacker, one who just does 3 big meals. Um, you need to implement something that allows everyone to be involved. And so you make it a family thing. If the family is involved with what your— what your goals are, it makes it a lot more easier than having to make one plate of, um, I don't know, a burger and french fries for your little ones, and then you're just sitting here eating chicken and broccoli. Make it a family thing, you know, make it all inclusive.

But yeah, we want our kids to eat healthy too.

Yes, you would be surprised.

Well, some others are, you know, in their defense, some others are like, I just want them to eat something.

Yeah, listen, we had chicken nuggets and french fries yesterday. Absolutely, absolutely. But teaching our, teaching our little ones what healthy means is, is them watching us. So if they see us eating, every— all of our kids want what's on our plate. They don't care what it is. Yeah, they see our plate and they want it. So we just tell them, well, this is healthy, this is what we— this— and we don't say unhealthy, we just say, oh, this can affect your tummy, or this can give you cavities. So you're just teaching them that cause and effect. But, um, if we're talking someone who wants to lose more than that 15-pound mark, It really just becomes what habits are you doing now that you can get rid of today that's going to help you meet your goals?

Such good advice. I love that. And I love the using your hand. I have—

I don't need it, right?

I don't need a scale. I got my hand with me all the time.

That's right. You don't need a scale. You don't need to count calories. I mean, there are people that do follow those methods, which they work. But for some of us who are on the go, maybe we eat out more than we're eating at home, or we're just— there's just a lot of variables. Your hand is going to be the best thing for you.

Love it. Well, so we're talking to a lot of busy moms right now.

Yes.

Lots of challenges with finding balance and self-care. Can we talk about what challenges you're seeing and how we can help them?

Yes, a lot of— so the moms that I'm working with, they come to me because they are lacking in time. Um, that's one of the major things that they're like, I just need more time to do whatever that time is. And, um, I provide a worksheet called the Urgent, uh, Urgent Important Matrix where you actually go through what those— what your goals are goals are. And then you walk through what's important, what can be delegated, what's urgent, and what can be tossed away, like cast it away. And so using that 4 quadrant, they decide there what's going to make the most sense for them. If self-care is a part of their, uh, as a part of what's important, then they're going to take that line item and they're going to say, who do I need to talk to to make sure I get this? What do I want to do that involves my self-care? And then they follow those steps. And so they had to put it in their calendar as well and make sure they follow through after putting it in their calendar. But these are practices that you have to continue to do. Talk to whoever is involved that can watch the kids. Make sure you stick to a time that is doable and realistic for you. And make sure it's something that's not task-driven, like, oh, I want time to do the laundry. Like, no, get out the house. Or go read a book in the backyard, whatever that looks like for you to get that solitude. A lot of moms, um, they, they— morning time is their solace time where they're able to get up before their kids, and they use that time to do whatever it is. But they put that time on the calendar. Some do it during— on a Saturday where they might say, okay, my husband and we're going to switch off on Saturdays. I'm going to take the morning up to 12 PM and then do whatever I need or want to get done. So it's really about having that proper communication and then really understanding that importance of nurturing your inner self and creating a manageable routine.

Well, I love that you're telling us to put it on our calendars, and I love— and I love that you're telling us to recruit people to watch our kids. But I'm going to— I'm going to throw one at you that, you know, you know this very well. A lot of moms I talk to feel guilty. Yes. And they feel guilty prioritizing themselves, and they feel guilty going to do things that I would label self-care. So how do we overcome this guilt?

I think it's a mindset thing. I think we have been— we have been told that we have to do certain things in order to be a good mom. And there's all these things coming in the back of our mind, even when we are gone and doing that self-care item that we have planned to do. We're always thinking in the back of our minds, oh, I didn't do this, or oh, I'm missing out on this, or oh, I feel bad because I'm leaving so-and-so and they want me there. Some of us, some of our kids are a little bit more attached, so they might cry as soon as you walk out or trying to leave the house. But you have to think, I have to take care of myself before I can take care of my home. That is a mindset shift that we need to start believing and being able to understand that a healthy mom is going to be important for healthy kids, healthy family, whatever that family dynamic looks like. It's the mindset. And having that simple practice, well, that will help rejuvenate what you're thinking every day. You're going to start to believe it, and you're going to start to actually become it. So that mom guilt, that's created— that's a created term that we have put upon ourselves, and the mindset that we have is what needs to be shifted.

Well, I hope I don't piss off any dads when I say this, but I feel like we could take a lesson from the dads because I honestly don't see a lot of dad guilt.

No, no, kids get up in the middle of the night, dad's still asleep as if there's nothing going on. And you think to yourself, well, I wonder if we were getting robbed tonight, would you be waking up? And because I'm hearing the littlest steps, I don't understand.

Nope, yep, we're all thinking the same things. That's funny. That is true. I do take notes of how he handles things, because I realize that sometimes when I'm pissed, it's because I'm jealous because he took that time to go do something. And I'm like, okay, learn from this, learn from this. You're jealous, so you need to do things like that.

Yeah, well, it's not— and I get— I hear what you're saying, and it— for me, it's saying to myself, I need to communicate to him how I'm feeling because I always tell my moms this. I say our husbands cannot read our minds as much as we want them to. They can't read it. They have, they have a way to, um, to let go or to kind of let things fall off when it comes to, you know, things that maybe we think need to get done, but it's really self-inflicted. They're doing that. We, we can do the same exact thing But once we communicate it to them, it's up to, you know, us as a unit to make sure that, okay, here's how I'm feeling, here's what I would like you to do, um, I want to feel the same way you do, I want to be able to do this, but I can't because of XYZ. And that kind of helps you, you know, build more of a unit than separation in that thought process. The more he can understand, uh, and this is for those who are married, but the more that he can understand and be willing to make those changes with you, you feel a lot more supported from, um, from your perspective as a wife and a mom.

100%. And, and it's on me. It's on me. It's not on him, because he'll, he'll— he would love for me to go do anything.

I just have to tell him, okay, Rebecca, you're, you're telling yourself what you need to start doing. It's on you. Okay. Let's go.

It's on me. It's always tends to be on me. I tend to get in my own way, but that's a whole nother podcast.

You gotta do it.

So you're talking about so many good things. You're talking about eating healthy. You're talking about self-care. There's, there's so many things you're talking about that I think that, um, a lot of us would say that we maybe do, but we're not consistent.

Mm-hmm.

So how do you do things and make it habits and consistent?

So after they typically go through the urgent important matrix, um, we start with just one of those items because the last thing we want is to have a whole bunch of things that I want to do. It just gets overwhelming and it doesn't seem realistic at all.

Yeah.

So you have to, um, just choose one or two of those items. And then you have— I, for me personally, I write down on my calendar each day what that— like, what it's going to take to get to that task or that item. And then for those of us who aren't necessarily writing down, we don't like to do that, but we make mental notes. I admonish all of the moms to actually write it down somewhere, whether it's just a note in their phone, and then check it off when they get it done. As a mental note, that's what helps us kind of be able to build those habits. And for— it might not seem much like when you first do it, or maybe even for the first week, but once you get into the habit of checking something off, they say to start a habit, it's 21 days. If you do that for 21 days straight, it's gonna become normal, and then it's gonna become something you no longer have to do the check off. And then once you completed that, then you can move to the next item. It really depends on, um, the time span and what's actually a priority at— with you at that time.

So it sounds to me from talking to you and getting to know you that you are organized. Oh, it sounds— and it sounds— it sounds like you are very organized, and I admire that. And I think that a lot of what you're saying is that you're helping moms get more organized.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right? So I'm gonna guess that that helps them with the time management issues that they're having.

Yes, exactly, because the time, the time, the time is self-imposed. We're, we're thinking that we don't have the time, but we're just not making time in, in our brains to even think through what that looks like. A lot of us will go to sleep at night and we're, we might wake up at 4 AM in the morning thinking all of this list of things that need to get done. But it's— that's again, it goes back to what our mindset is doing. And so I always say we start with knowing your vision, knowing your goals, your values, and your mission. So once you have those 3 kind of locked in, then you can begin to visualize what that looks like. And then you could think, what is it going to take to get there? Who do I need to talk to in order for this to take place? And then we begin to work our way through redefining what that looks like for us and how we can actually get those changes into place. Journaling is a good thing to do because you're able to kind of write things out and process, right? But it's, it's self-imposed. These, these are all things that that can be prevented if we believe that it can. A lot of it's around that willpower and what we're thinking on a daily basis.

Well, and it's— and what I love about what you're saying is it sounds like when you're meeting with these moms, you're realizing that everyone's vision is different and everyone's day— everyone wants their day to look different. So it's not like this cookie-cutter answer. You're developing it with each woman.

Oh no, not at all. There's There's definitely a framework that I follow in the sense of, okay, let's start with this and then we'll end here. But the way to get there is different for everyone because we were all created beautifully and uniquely in our own way, right? So not everyone's going to be the same, but there's a process of success that most people are seeing with a framework.

That's so true. That is 100% true. Well, and I think that as we become moms, we— some of us lose sight of our passions and our goals. Some of us, some of us don't even— some moms will tell you they don't even know what that is anymore. So how do you help them reconnect to that?

No, that's really good. I always think through what, what, what have you had interests in that you haven't been able to explore? Are you connecting with the inner dreams that you've always wanted to to do. And it doesn't have to be, I want to be a CEO, or I want to, I want to rule the world, be the president. It doesn't have to be anything that big. But there's, there's things such as little hobbies that we might have had an interest in that we haven't been able to explore, right? Like for me, I really enjoy skating, roller skating. And I used to go quite often when I was a little, little girl, like back in the day. That used to be a thing on Friday nights. Um, but, uh, now I've actually incorporated my little ones, and we go skating together as a family. So I'm kind of like trying to still incorporate. I'm very, um, uh, exclusive with my family. So a lot of the things that I have an interest in is, um, I try to just incorporate my family to, to, so they can join in on the interest. But for those of us who don't necessarily know exactly what that looks like, I think having a creativity moment where you're just writing things down— I always like to say write them down, write them down because it gives us visuals— and attach it to that vision, attach it to that mission statement. If your mission that you feel is to inspire others or people are always coming to you for something very specific, that's usually something that you're really good at. And you might want to explore what that looks like for doing more of that.

I love that.

Yes. And then aligning what that goal is and understanding that your career or job or hobby aspirations and motherhood are not— they could be blended. They can be blended aspirations. And we just have to work together to really see, OK, how can we blend them? How can we make it work? Again, it's the mindset thing. Try it out, see if it sticks, write it down, whatever you like to do.

Well, and I love that you're not making it, you know, exclusive to just us because, you know, like we're talking about rejoining a gym and we will all go together. You know, it doesn't have to be right. It's something that I enjoy, but I don't have to go do it by myself when my whole family enjoys doing it. So, yeah. So then we're all working on health goals together.

Yes. Are you guys going to a YMCA? Okay.

Yeah, we were. And then our membership— something happened with our membership where my son was like, you have to go in and bring your credit card and re-sign. So I just have to re— yeah, I just have to get it going again.

Yeah, I will. I always say for anyone that's close to a YMCA to do that because Say, for example, your little ones might not be interested or they might be a little too young to be in the gym area. There's so many other activities going on in the Y that allow everyone to get in the car. Like, this is a part of our routine. We're going, OK, John's going to go do this. I'm going to be here. But we're doing everything together. We're being active together. I might not have to do a set with you every step of the way. But we're here, we're having fun. Yes. Yes, absolutely.

Yes. I love that. Yes. I love when they come with me because I feel like I'm being a good example.

Yes.

They watch us. Absolutely.

Right.

If I'm working out, they want to work out. So lots of stuff gets thrown at us. Lots of unexpected challenges. So as mothers, As we're thrown curveballs, how do we adapt and still keep our, keep our wellness, sanity, balance, self-care?

That, that is actually a, um, something that a lot of moms come to more specifically when they're entering into the workplace after, um, having a newborn. And some of them when it's been, you know, 15, 20 years that they haven't been in the workplace. But this goes— this saying goes for everyone. We have to embrace a flexible mindset. And I'm always going to go back to the mind because that's where it starts. But we have to be open to pivoting and adapting to new circumstances. And there are some things that we just can't control or plan for. But if our mindset is changing, we are now going to go from I can't to how can I. And once we switch that, make that little switch, how can I, I believe that we will see results, um, that have a positive outcome.

Oh, such a good answer. Such a good answer. Yes, I have no doubt that you're helping lots and lots of moms today. Well, do you have any success stories sticking out to you that you could tell us about? A mom who turned it around into a better direction for herself?

Yes, yes, absolutely. One of the moms I was working with, she also had some health goals, and she was a mompreneur, solo mompreneur, um, doing it all on her own. And, um, she had one little, one little one. He's about 4 years old, but, um, she was just very stuck. And we had to really kind of uncover what does that stuck look like? What do you feel like you're being stuck at? You have a business, um, you have a whole family, you're caretaking at home in multiple areas, um, but essentially we learned that she wasn't getting any sleep. So that was one area that we had to kind of adjust sleep. I don't want to go into too much detail, but sleep definitely affects our hormones and our mood. We know with our kids, if they don't get our naps, it's the same thing with adults.

Oh, that's so true.

Yes, yes. Um, we had to fix her sleep schedule. She had to have hard boundaries. We had to create some boundaries around how people were communicating to her with, um, like her clients. So we had to kind of set some, um, different ramifications in the place as far as a separate telephone number actual working hours that were able to allow her to still take care of her little one and be able to, you know, be omnipresent for her clients. So having a system in place for that. And for health goals, we did the accountability tracker. We wrote down what that looks like, what that goal was that she wanted to do, and she started doing that daily and started seeing some changes for sure. I'm thinking that she's that first week because she wasn't tracking anything. What doesn't get tracked doesn't get measured. So, um, and then from that area, we worked with who she can work with in the home to help with whatever needs to be done. So we delegated some things, hired a cleaner, um, started outsourcing groceries through a delivery courier. That way she didn't have to go to the grocery store. So it's really all about smart— relieving that stress in the mind. What's going to help that kind of go out? The door. And she was able to see success in her business and success in the way that she communicated with her family. And for her, that was— those were key. And of course, the health goals, those— because I'm kind of a guru in that one. So that immediately just started happening as soon as we started. But she felt better. And I think she found that balance. And she built that playbook on her own. These are not things that I'm coming up with as much as I'm helping and guiding with that framework, but she's now realistically able to take that on and continue it. So I think that's the important part. I don't want to coach you for 6 to 12 months. I think you take 90 days with me and you should be solid after those 90 days. You can take this and be successful without me, and that's my goal.

That's awesome. This sounds really rewarding. So tell us what you like best about what you do.

I, you know, ever since the pandemic— I call it the pandeezy— um, I love connecting with people. I miss going back into the office sometimes, and I just love meeting people who are just wanting to see some change. And I love seeing the transformation because it makes me feel like I have, I have completed a purpose. But connecting with others that I have would never have met before is as rewarding to me.

That's wonderful. I, I love it too. I get to meet people like you. This is fantastic. I know, I know. I love it. I think that's my favorite part too. So you give so much good advice. What do you think the best advice is that you've received?

Woo! The best advice that I received would probably be when I was at a conference. It was a couple years ago, and, um, and this is specific to motherhood. Um, there was a CEO lady who was being interviewed, and they said, how do you do it? You have all these kids. You, you're— she had multiple, I think, like maybe 4, um, you're a CEO, you're traveling, you're doing all these things, and how do you do it? And this is what stuck with me and how it kind of helped guide what I'm doing today with others. But she said, I outsource things that do not matter so I can have time to spend with my family. So the littlest things that we talk through on my, on my weekly calls with these moms Outsourcing, delegating, that's really all geared to what she was saying, and it helped her be able to spend time on the things that matter the most.

Wow. Because I think I— simple, but it's so simple and so smart at the same time.

Yeah, yeah.

And I, and I think we fall into the trap of thinking that we need to do everything, and we don't need to do everything.

Nope, that, that's a whole New conversation. That, that super— I call it the super mom syndrome.

We didn't talk about that.

That is a thing. It's a thing, and we have to redefine it, and we can.

So, so take superwoman and stomp on it and say what instead?

Or we can still call ourselves super mom but give it a whole new meaning.

Yeah. Oh, I like that better. I like that better.

Because I still think we're super.

I think that— I think that my friend tells me that I'm super mom because she sees me do so much.

Yeah.

And I'm like, well, you're super mom too. We just look different. We just look very different. And I don't like that we think super mom has to do with what we're producing.

Yeah, yeah, it does. Supermom is not equal I can do all things. That's not what that equals. It equals being— making sure we're taking care of ourselves. It equals making sure it's making precious moments with our family. It equals we are the nurturers and we love cuddling our little ones even if they have bad attitudes when they're sick. I mean, there's, there's so many things that we can define it as, but it does not mean that we are doing everything around, in, and out of the house. It does not mean that.

Oh my gosh. Well, let me tell you, you said so many wonderful things, but if they take one thing away from this discussion, I hope it's that. I hope we can change that mindset. And can people connect with you? Are you taking— are you currently taking new clients?

Yes, I am currently taking new clients. They can go to thrivewithbria.com. Very simple. Um, and you can schedule, uh, I'm offering, um, complimentary consultations so we can hop on a call, get on, you know, get to know each other, see if we're a fit and if I can actually help what you're looking for.

And you're taking anyone from anywhere because you're doing this on Zoom, correct? Yep. Awesome. Awesome. Well, I can't thank you enough. I learned a lot and you definitely helped my mindset today.

I thank you. I love hearing that. That's awesome. This is a great conversation.

This was wonderful. And you're— and you are leaving me smiling. I came on and I was like, wake up, girl.

I'm glad. I am glad that that's— if I could do anything is after we get off of a call, we feel like, man, okay, I better go make some changes. So you're gonna go and make your, your smoothie, or what do you make?

No, I'm, I'm gonna make something with chicken, leftover chicken, something healthy with leftover chicken.

Okay.

Size of your hand. Size of my hand, I should say. Yep. Um, yes. Well, I can't thank you enough for spending time with me today.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Rebecca. I hope to be in touch and keep, keep looking for the things that you have going on. I love hearing your podcast. I'm an avid listener. So I listened to the road trip one, uh, I think it was a couple of days ago, and I was like, man, This is so me.

We're all living the same lives. So I'm glad that we're— I'm glad that we're sharing with each other.

Absolutely. Thank you again.

Well, this is Rebecca Green, and I want to remind everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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