Episode 325: My Birth Stories

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

There she is! No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green family! We got love, laughs, and all the light, so tune in every Wednesday night!

Oh, not only is she back, but she added her bonus rap track! Limited edition, Ella's version.

What do you think that your voice teacher would think of that song? It's not a good song. You don't like my song?

I love your song, honey. It's the best song I've ever heard.

Well, if you don't like my song, then write a new one. I'm not ready to do a new song for wife who doesn't want to sing. Daddy will.

I'm apparently— thanks, Ella. See what you do to me?

Maybe I could. Maybe I could. Ella's the song— why don't we have a contest?

Whoever writes the best song wins a big prize.

Oh, so we could put it out to the universe and tell everyone the magical powers to write me a new song.

We need a Winey Blues theme song, universe.

And what kind of prize are we gonna give?

What about a 3-night, 4-day hotel stay?

I knew you were gonna do that.

Las Vegas.

Oh, that's a good prize. That's a good prize.

Vacation getaway.

Okay, I think that that needs to be sent out.

Okay, well, we'll put that in your newsletter.

Very exciting.

We're having a contest.

I do, I do like Ella's song.

You just told me, told the universe you wanted a new song.

If somebody writes a good enough song, then maybe I will change it.

Well, maybe. Okay.

Oh my gosh, you're a little tired. I— well, it's your son's fault. So Max has football Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 6:20 AM at school.

Yeah, and he doesn't get up at like 6 like a normal person and just roll out of bed and go.

No, he gets up at 5:30. And what he did today, unfortunately, I have like mommy sensors. As soon as they open their doors, I hear them and I'm up. So it's 5:30 AM and he gets up and I hear him go to the bathroom and go back to bed and then he never comes out.

And I'm like, what would happen if we closed our bedroom door? If you'd hear this?

I mean, we could try it. I will talk to you more about that later.

We'll have a discussion and see what we come up with.

So yes, you can tell me. So the second that Max or Ella opens their door, I'm up.

Yeah.

And so I've been up since 5:30, and some of you get up at— my brother gets up before 5. Yeah, some of you get up super early.

I voluntarily—

I like to get up as late as I possibly can. So I'm tired is the point. Are you tired?

Little bit. Little bit.

So we're going to jump into my birth stories, and I want to tell you why we're going to touch on this today.

Yep.

Because, um, I was watching YouTube, and does she go by Abby Howard or Abigail Howard? It's not the Abby that you're thinking, it's her sister-in-law. So she was talking about her birth story, and it resonated with me, like what she was saying, what she went through. And I realized that when I was done watching her birth story, I felt so good. Hi, Emma. I felt so good that I had just listened to someone who had gone through something similar, if not worse, than what I had gone through. And I was like, that felt so good, it felt so healing. My turn. Tag, I'm it.

There you go, you're paying it forward.

I'm paying it forward. And now I wrote my blog at whiningpluies.com. You can go read the details, but I will touch on some things. And hopefully my goal is that if you have gone through things, that I will help. If you are pregnant or thinking about being pregnant, I hope I can save you from some of the crap that I went through and some of the crap that I went through in my head.

Yes.

So let's start with Max.

Yep.

First, I want to tell you that everybody's different with how long it takes you to get pregnant, and I will tell you that the first time that, I mean, when I, when Seth and I decided, I don't know, I don't remember the whole thing. It was 17 years. It was 18 years ago.

You don't remember? Um, all the little notes you made me.

We, we don't need to go into that.

Okay.

Let's just say that Max was my wish upon a star.

Yep.

I wished for Max and begged Seth for a baby and he's like, let's take a few years being married. And I was like, listen, I'm turning 30. My clock is ticking. Let's go.

That's pretty much what she said. That's not an exaggeration. So sexiest proposition ever.

So yes, so anyways, um, everybody's different. I thought as soon as I tried I would get pregnant, and I went to my chiropractor who I go to regularly. I adore him. I've seen him since I was 7. And I was like, I'm trying to get pregnant. And I'm like, and shockingly it didn't happen right away. And he's like, your uterus is tipped, let's fix this, and he fixes my uterus, and I get pregnant right away. So it worked. So you might want to check your uterus. So the pregnancy was uneventful, right? It was an easy, easy pregnancy, if I remember correctly. And, um, other than me asking the nurse what the pain was that I was experiencing when which was Max headbutting me. So that is a unique situation. But don't you totally understand now that you know Max about him headbutting me? Can't you see him being like super active inside of me?

Yes, I'm sure he didn't stop moving.

Well, I don't know why the activity didn't make me think it was a boy, but Mr. Green wanted a surprise. And why on earth would I give him that?

I'm your wonderful wife.

No, no, women. We are the pregnant ones. What he wants does not matter.

Good, good talk, honey. I'm so glad I'm here for this.

Okay, so I love you so much, but, but you know what? I knew it didn't work for me and I was way too nice and I let Seth have the surprise that he wanted. I should have found out and let him be surprised because I'm the type of person who needs to— it helps me bond with my child and I need to wrap my mind around it and be prepared. Like, I didn't like the surprise at all. I also— hi Rachel! I also was calling Max Hannah, if I'm gonna be honest with all of you.

That was our name if he was a girl.

So I thought he was a girl, and I was wrong every single time I was pregnant. And I also want to tell you that when I went to the doctor for my last checkup, she gave me a hard time. This doctor didn't know me very well, and I was like, I need to be signed out of work, I'm done. Like, I'm done. I'm in so much pain. My back hurts so much. I'm going home. And she's like, you have no activity going on at all. Go back to work. I'm like, I'm not going back to work. So women, listen to yourselves. I went home. My friend called me a sissy at work, and I was like, dude, I am not a sissy. I'm in pain. I go home that night, go into full-blown labor, and 25 hours from when we went to the hospital 3 hours of pushing, the forceps, the vacuum. What else did they use? Do you remember? They tried everything to get him out. I could see his head and he would not come out. Max was in distress. They put me out. They took him out as quick as they could, and that was not what I had planned at all. Not your best plan. Um, yes, she totally called me a sissy. How rude. Tell me about it. I, I'm— I hope that she knows she was totally wrong. So where were we? The hospital. Okay, so I thought that I was gonna go into the hospital and I was gonna— I'm strong, I'm tough, I work out, I'm gonna push him out, it's gonna be— he's gonna fly out, I've got hips, it's gonna go. Well, I was totally wrong. Never did I ever consider that I was gonna have to have a C-section. It didn't cross my mind. Nobody warned me. Nobody told me that even though you make a plan, it might not go that way. Like, there are so many things I want to tell you that I wish I had been told. And so, um, I woke up totally miserable, was in so much pain, and, um, surprised you had a boy. And I was shocked that— totally shocked that we had Max. I thought he was Hannah. And was, you know, thrilled to meet him. I mean, that helped, meeting him. Um, everybody met him before me, which was odd. I was unconscious, so like the grandparents and Seth met him before I did.

I met him first, then the grand— then the grandparents met him.

I understand that. I met him last. You were asleep, baby.

You were sleeping off emergency surgery.

So, um, I spent the next many years beating myself up about this because I felt like a total failure. And when you hear this, you are probably going, I can't even believe that you told yourself that. But I thought that women were supposed to be able to push their babies out, and doesn't always—

sometimes they get stuck.

And I didn't like— I didn't call myself the rock star that I was, like, I made him, I pushed him out. Like, or I didn't push him out, I made him and gave birth to him and was a total warrior and rock star. And here I was, my hormones were all over the place. I cried for like 3 months, right?

Yes.

How did you get through that? How did you get through that? Me having him? Yeah. And thank you, Rachel. Um, so So I give birth to Max. I'm a mess because I had an emergency C-section. I'm a mess because I wasn't awake for his birth.

You're a mess because you had PPD.

I, I was—

your hormones.

Well, I— my hormones— the first time I gave birth, my hormones went crazy. Like, I was like raging sad and, um, knew that it was hormonal. Like, I could at least tell myself that my hormones were all over the place. But how did you deal with the fact that I was so physically and emotionally a mess after I gave birth to him?

That was an excellent question. I, I was not prepared to— I didn't know we— you were asking me anything, so I will—

you think about it.

I will think about it and get back to you.

So I'm going to take a while.

That was not— I can't imagine what you were going through, even though I was watching you go through it, so I would not compare whatever watching emotions I had to what you were actually going through.

Okay, well, you don't need to minimize your feelings, even though that's super sweet. So get back to me if and when you have an answer. Yeah, I'm gonna take a wild stab and say that Seth was a million times grateful for my mother, because it's not that I didn't want Seth. I mean, I loved Seth. He was by my side. He went to work every day and left me, and I was sad.

Okay, I did stay home for the first couple weeks.

Okay, he had to go back to work eventually. You had to work.

So I'm gonna have a Family Leave Act back. No one was giving me 3 months of salary.

But I'm gonna guess that you were so thankful for my mother because all I wanted— yeah, all I wanted was my mom.

Yes.

And she came over every day and helped me.

Yes, yes, it was wonderful.

So, so I told her today that she was my rock through all of this.

Yes, there were days I did not know what to do with you.

Um, and I called her to come over. Yes, he didn't know what to do, she knew what to do. I wanted my mom and I called her every day. Yeah, and every day she would leave work early-ish, depending on the day, and come over depending on how the store was doing. So, um, that's Max eventually. Yes, and, and I do want to tell people that nursing him was not easy. And I'm telling you this so that you know this, that I didn't know that tongue-tied was a thing. And Vivian told us years ago that Max was tongue-tied, and that's why he probably struggled to nurse and had speech therapy. Yeah. So I wish I had known that. And, um, I just wish I didn't judge myself the way that I judged myself. I wish that I was kinder.

Yes.

And I did a good thing and I was beating myself up because I didn't do it the way I had planned. Well, you can make all the plans you want. That doesn't mean it's going to happen that way.

Right.

Okay. So having a C-section is not being a failure and all that matters is that we're all okay.

Yes.

And then Max is 1 and a half running around and you're asking for baby number 2.

I was.

And he's like, you have your mama's boy, I want my daddy's girl. And I was like, uh, I can't keep up with my mama's boy. So I was chasing Max all over the place. 1 and a half was not easy with him. And we got pregnant.

We did.

I mean, I'm just gonna warn you that my body now knew how to get pregnant and happened way before I expected, right?

Yes.

And the pregnancy with Ella was like anything but easy. Ella is The easiest, sweetest kid. Pregnancy, not so much. Pregnancy was not kind to me with Ella. I puked a lot, was nauseous a lot, and Ella took her sweet old time developing, right?

Yeah.

And, um, what did I want to say about that? I don't know. It was just really hard, right? It was just a hard pregnancy, and eventually the nausea went away. Eventually she was full— well, she was fully developed when she was born, but you know, they watched her and watched her and watched her and drove me crazy. But they're doctors and they're doing their job and they're protecting her and they're protecting me, and I won't hold them accountable for driving me nuts, right?

Right.

So then my water breaks almost 6 weeks early. Right.

Yes, that was scary.

And I was like, oh my God, my water just broke and I am way too early to have this baby. So me being totally ignorant, I think I'm gonna go to the hospital and they're gonna be able to like keep her in me for longer. I didn't really know what was gonna happen next, but they were like, well, do you want to try a VBAC? And I looked at Seth's face, and what was your face telling me?

It was telling you absolutely not.

Seth looked scared out of his mind.

Yep.

The first time was horrible for him to watch. There was like so much blood that I thought Seth was going to be sick, right?

I was not.

And, um, we decided to have a C-section together.

You had a C-section. Yes, I was there. I did not have anything.

Oh my God. And then we have— and then I— we have the C-section, and then I have the C-section. You did all the work, and I was awake. Okay, so yay, I'm awake this time. But they show me Ella, and then they whisk her to the NICU, and I'm like, but, but, but I want my baby. I'm like, wait a minute, the first time you put me out, and the second time you're taking my baby. I'm like, this sucks again. So, um, we'll just say that I was a mess for the next 6 days. And they sent me home without her, which was really hard.

Yeah.

And, um, I had missed Max so much those 5 days that I was in the hospital that I think I cried and held him that whole night without Ella home. Do you remember that? Yeah. So Ella comes home and nurses easily, and I was like, this is what nursing is, this is how it's supposed to be. So I got that.

Yes.

And things progressed. I will tell you, everybody's different, but going from 1 to 2 child— to 2 children was really hard for me because I didn't really— I had to figure out how to share myself. Yeah. But going from 2 to 3 was easy because I had already figured that out. For me.

For you.

Other people tell me different stories, but that was my experience.

Got it.

Okay, so moving on to Lily.

Yep.

So we have a boy and a girl, and Seth is very happy and content with his son and his daughter. And when they told me Ella was a girl, not only did I not believe them, but when they confirmed it many times to me, I was like, crap. I was like, I really want her to be a girl, but that means Seth is going to be done and I'm not done.

I did not know you were having those thoughts. Well, you did not tell me this.

We both know that if she was a boy, you would have been like, oh yeah, we're trying for a girl. But she was— she's a girl.

Yes.

And I was like, crap, he's gonna be done. And I was right. And Seth was like, we have a son and a daughter. Like, he had gone through so much trauma with me with the NICU and having her early and Max being an emergency. Like, Seth was like done. And I was like, but, but, like, one more. I was like, one more is a compromise because I really always thought I would have like two boys and two girls, and Seth is done with two, so let's compromise. And we were discussing it, and within the discussion— what do you want to say?

We have Lily.

That's right. So, so I said to Seth, I said, Listen to me, I need another experience. I need a normal experience. I don't really know what normal is. That's probably the wrong way to label it, but I was like, the first one was traumatizing, the second one was traumatizing, this third one is not going to be traumatizing, and I need this. And I put that out there to the universe. You did, and many times. And Seth was amazing during my pregnancy. He was like, you listen to me. You are not going to be early this time. You sit your ass on that couch and you stop getting up. And do you remember taking Max and Ella to the zoo and me crying when you were leaving?

Yeah.

And you were like, you are not coming.

Yep. I was like, you sit there and don't move as much as possible.

You were like, eat some bonbons.

I was trying to keep you trapped on the couch, not moving.

So I was very upset to be told you had phone home. I was very upset to be told to rest so often, but when Lily was full term, Seth was like, "I did it! I did it!" Do you remember that?

You did it. I kept you on the couch, but you did it.

Well, you did a lot of it because you kept telling me to sit down.

Yes.

So Lily was born 3 weeks early, which is full term. Yes. And the pregnancy was easy. The C-section was easy. So I go in for the third C-section, I'm awake, and Lily is born. And Lily comes to the room with me.

Yes, right away.

So Lily healed me. I had an easy pregnancy, I had an easy baby, I had an easy birth, and an easy nurser. That was Trifecta. I think that, that was more than a quadfecta. So I want to tell you that first of all, what you put out to the universe is important, because I put out to the universe a million times that this was going to be normal. And I'm putting air quotes to those of you who are listening.

Your version of normal.

My version of normal. I mean, Lily was as normal as it could get for me because I did have another C-section.

Yes.

And recovering— I also want to tell them that recovering from Ella and Lily was easy. It— I felt good. I gave birth to Lily and I was like, can I go home? And they're like, you just had a C-section. And I was like, I feel good, can I go home?

And there were some drugs involved.

I will tell you, well, I didn't take many drugs, but I will tell you that with Max, recovering was really hard the first time. I think when they cut you open the first time, it's much harder to recover, but the second and third time were easy for me. Awesome. Right?

Yes.

So those are my stories. Yes. I wanted to share.

Yes.

I wanted you to know that make all the plans that you want, but you don't know how it's gonna go. And all that matters in all of this is that you and your baby be okay. And that even if your baby is sent to the NICU like Ella, They took such good care of her, and by the time we took her home, she was perfect.

Yes.

Right? Yes. So anything that you want to share from all of this?

I'm glad we have 3 happy, healthy children and a happy, healthy mama.

Okay, any advice for the men who are going through this with their women?

Uh, it's not about you. You just gotta kind of ride the roller coaster and not react and just Be as supportive and calm as you can be.

Well, you did a good job.

Thanks.

And I don't know how you got up and went to work every day. I think I tried to do the night shift as much as I could, right? Um, I'm trying to remember. I swear I looked up who's on the podcast, Seth. Anyways, those are my—

awesome, go listen to it.

Those are my stories.

She's sticking to them.

And it felt really good to pound that out on the laptop. It felt really good, and I cried through most of it. And I want to tell you that if something is bothering you, go write about it. Go write all the details, and, and you'll get it out of your system, and you'll feel so much better. Or go talk to somebody about that, about it, because most of us can relate to a lot of things. So don't keep it inside, don't keep it to yourself. And give yourself praise, because what women go through is pretty freaking amazing, that's for sure. So, um, Jody won the March challenge. I dropped off her prize today.

Hey Jody!

And, um, I forgot who's on the podcast this week. I'm trying to picture the schedule. I'm sure it's going to be fabulous. I have talked to so many fabulous people. So listen to the podcast, new ones airs on Friday.

Read the newsletter. 3 times a week.

Yes, people are loving it.

Wednesday, Friday.

People are loving the newsletter.

It's awesome.

And, um, March is flying by, right?

Right. And submit your Winey Palooza song, post it on the page.

I would love you to write a song for me. That— I'm sure there's songwriters out there. I am not one of them. I might write blogs. I just don't think I can write a song. I could certainly try.

Okay, there you go.

Okay everyone, have a wonderful week and thank you so much for joining us.

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday.

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