Episode 340: Mother’s Day Special with my Lifelong Friend

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, and this is a very exciting day for me because I have the fantastic Liz Karcher on the podcast for the first time. Liz, thank you so much for doing this with me today.

Absolutely. I can't wait. Oh my gosh.

Let me tell you about this fabulous lady that has been in my life like my whole life. Liz is a mom of two young adult children. She's a dog mom of 4, but she has 5 dogs at home with her right now, and I have one at my feet that was just barking hysterically. So we're— be warned that you may hear barking in this podcast. She's a cat mom of one, Sassy Calico, and she had burnout after 28 years as an in-demand hairstylist and makeup artist. She took a break to heal after the sudden loss of her only brother. She is responsibly breeding Mini Goldendoodles by changing and modernizing breeding standards. Liz has a curriculum-based puppy program. Liz is the creator of Buffa Bites Barkery, modernizing what we feed our dogs as treats and/or snacks by offering preservative-free and artificial dye-free dog treats. She's also been my best friend for 33 years. 33 freaking years. So we were 14 when we met. I'm now 47 years old. So you've known me like most of my life.

Yes. Right?

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

We could tell.

Crazy good. Crazy good.

It's crazy good. And we're gonna talk about our friendship, but I wanna start with motherhood. And I wanna start with what is a lesson that you learned about motherhood from your own mother? I know your own mother very well.

A lesson I learned from my own mother. And it could be—

Betty, we love you, but it could be something that you didn't wanna do with your kids, something you did wanna do with your kids, something you learned from your fabulous mother.

The, the only thing that's coming to me right now is that she told me and taught me, and I teach my kids, is you never know what another person is going home to. Oh, so don't judge. Don't assume you know that person and don't know what's going on behind— don't assume you know what's going on behind their closed doors. So that's really good.

I love that advice, and it's so true. Lily will tell me about somebody acting out at school, and I'm like, you don't know what she's going home to.

It's true. Absolutely true.

Yeah. So I want to jump to my mom, and you know my mom really well too. Is there a lesson in motherhood that my mom has taught you?

Oh wow, Mama Marlene, what have you taught me? Oh my gosh, since I'm a lot like your mom, I don't know, we're sassy. I just know we're kind-hearted people and we want the best for everyone. Yeah.

Yeah.

What else?

She taught me.

I did her hair for a while.

You did? You did her hair for a long time?

Yeah. I cut her hair, highlighted, lowlighted her hair for several years, even though she's very natural. I used to do your grandma's hair.

I know.

I just— I don't think there's a last thing. We just had great conversation. I just really respect them. I don't know, Rebecca. Got me puzzled.

She— Liz will talk to me, and it's really bizarre because she sounds just like my mother. And it's like I have to stop and look at her face and realize it's Liz talking to me and not my mother because they sound so much alike. It's crazy. Like, I believe in past lives. Don't think I'm crazy, everybody. But I wonder if they were like mother-daughter in a past life or something, or sisters.

Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, we both love purple. You—

oh my God, you do. You both love purple too. How crazy is that?

Yeah.

Well, what is something that you want to share with everybody in your many— tell everybody how old your kids are, first of all.

Okay, so my daughter is 21 and my son is a senior in high school. He's 18 years old. So my baby's about to graduate.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, that— I'm gonna ask questions about that too. I forgot about the 18-year-old question. Okay, so you have 21+ years, because I feel like once we're pregnant, we're moms, right? And you've probably learned so much about motherhood, whether it's college. I would love to hear what you want to say about college or the early years. Tell us some of the stuff that you think that people need to hear about motherhood from your many years of motherhood?

Oh, how much time do we have?

As much time as you want.

It's funny because my daughter— and I know that I can say this to her and she'd agree— she was overweight as a child. This beautiful child was overweight and made fun of. Oh, high school hit and it was the pandemic and we actually took her out of public school, I want to say in 5th grade, put her in private school. And let me tell you, I had to take days off of work to volunteer to keep her there for the school. And she's there for about 6 or 7 years. So during the pandemics, we switched her back to high school. She begged us to, and it was a hard decision that I had to think and pray about. Yeah. And honestly, I don't know if she wished she stayed at the private school during that time because of the pandemic. Couldn't do anything, so she didn't get to meet anybody because they were on a laptop. College touring, we actually, we did college touring early. Do it early, don't wait. We did it her, I want to say she may have been a sophomore or junior, I don't know, it was 2019. And we did all the college touring on the East Coast, New York City, Long Island. And then it's like we came home and 2 months later it was March and the pandemic hit, or 3 months later. So we had to juggle college now with a pandemic and we had to handle her junior, senior year under the pandemic. Yeah, we missed out on a lot of the fun stuff, the dances.

It's—

she lucked out because the application process for college, all those fees were waived. So she applied to 15 or 20 colleges just to see what would happen. We had a poster board of all the colleges she applied to. We didn't get to see all the colleges. I recommend if your child's interested in college, take a tour, ask questions, bother somebody at that school if you have more questions before they apply. I would say that too. But yeah, she— during the pandemic, I think it was easier to get into college. I don't know, she's a smart kid, but they didn't have to do an SAT. Yeah, to apply to college. So we're like, apply away. So she got into 14 out of 15 schools. Amazing. But I didn't want— she also looked into Florida, but we didn't want her to go to Florida because it was a pandemic. And I never wanted her to get stuck somewhere because I have a daughter, sorry, but she hyperventilates when things don't go her way.

Oh.

Struggles when things don't go her way or she can't get home or yeah, things aren't going her way. She just panics. Sorry, Charlize. Yeah, but she's learning to, learning to deal with it today.

And she's still so young.

Oh my gosh, absolutely. And you watch these kids mature at their own pace and rate. You can't rush that. And you still want to be a mom. I still want to be a mom. My kids don't turn 18 and I throw them out the door or charge them rent. It's just they're working very hard. They have— they're working at their education. So yeah, I do what I can. Keep them safe, happy, healthy.

You do a great job, and I love what you said, because when our kids turn 18, we're not done parenting.

No. Whoever came up with that, I don't understand. I just don't understand who. I want to know. I'd love to ask all the parents listening, who said when you turn 18? Who? What person in the world said that? Or in our country? I just— you're gonna be a parent for life once you have them.

I know. I, you know what, our moms are still parenting us. I still text her questions, call her, she comes over. So you've talked to like tons and tons of moms. My first part of my question is, what do you think moms need to hear? What do you think we all need to hear?

Keep in touch with your child. Don't assume you know what's going on in their head because they're on their phone, they're on those games, they're playing sports. The best conversations I had with my children were in my car, always in my car. It was like the safe place. It was like I always knew I could get them. Sorry, guys, if you're listening to this, I still get them in the car even as young adults. It's just a safe place. They like to vent in the car.

That's right.

Listen, listen, don't always react. Sometimes they just want you to listen.

Yes. I agree with that. And I learned from, I wanna say a psychologist, that the reason why they spew out things in the car is because there's no eye contact. Oh, and it's less, and it's less stressful.

That makes complete sense. And we put good music on.

Yes.

You love music. Their music, not mine. Sometimes, sometimes I make sure it's what they like.

You know my daughter, so you know what's playing in my car.

It's like Taylor Swift. It's all Taylor Swift. I've never had that on in my car, but it's okay. You haven't had Ella in your car yet.

If she gets in the car, she'll say, can we put on Taylor Swift?

And I would put it on, of course.

I know you would. Okay. What do you think that your clients taught you over the years about life, motherhood? What did you learn from them or what did you teach them?

Oh my goodness. What did I learn from my clients over the 28 years? They're— it's funny because when you're a hairstylist, and I don't know how many people feel like this as a client, but I felt like I attracted people similar to my personality, my temperament, and the people that weren't, I struggled to get along with a little bit more. I didn't know exactly what they were trying to tell me, but a lot of them taught me how to navigate children just in life. I was thinking about private school. I realized how many clients have their children in private schools. I had no idea. I had no idea. It was safe to ask them questions on how they're raising their children. What instrument do they play? What sports are they playing? What do you feel is beneficial for your child? And I would tell them what I thought was working for my child.

Ballet.

Great because the coordination for her— she's clumsy— taught balance. I just feel like when my kids, the busier they were, the better their grades were, as weird as that sounds.

Yeah.

And they would feel the same way. Now, I'm not talking like 4 sports at one time or anything. It was one sport per season if they wanted to do that. I didn't want to drive them all over. I worked.

Yeah.

I didn't always have help. So just that balance. They'd always teach me about a balance, and I agreed with them that I like to balance. And something I taught my clients that they needed hear over the years because moms become overwhelmed. You feel like you gotta keep up with other parents. I couldn't have ever cared less about keeping up with another parent. They're not me.

They're—

those aren't my children. Say yes to the great and say no to the good. You decide what's great. You decide what's not good or good. And just say yes to the great. If you're overwhelmed with options and invites, You decide what's great. It's okay to say no to the good.

I know, I know.

I love that. You gotta practice.

I know. I love that Lily wants to do everything. It's just, I was just telling Seth that she doesn't know sometimes what she needs, and sometimes I know better that I need to say no to things.

Oh, I agree to that. You know your kids so well. Sometimes you know them better than they know theirselves as their growing up. Something else I just thought of. If you're married, if you have a partner, whatever the situation is, if you're home before them, don't lay it all out on them when they get home. Give them 15 to 20 minutes to unwind before you just rattle on. Just give them 15, 20 minutes to just relax and chill.

Yeah, I like that advice. That's really good advice. Right? Kind.

Taught me that.

No, that's good. That's really good. I try not to attack Seth when he walks in the door. So when you, when you were working your like million-hour days that I know you were working and your kids needed to be somewhere, who drove them?

The great question. Some days I didn't know.

Did they— did you just tell them to figure it out?

Honestly, no, I didn't. I'd ask a grandma. I'd ask an aunt if they're available. It was hard when they were in private school because we lived so far away from the school. I always just had to be available, even if I canceled a client at the end of my day or rescheduled them. It had to be me. It had to be me. Yeah. Oh, that's all I remember, honestly. They've been driving so long now.

Yeah, it's, it's hard for these parents who work and all the demands of driving the kids to things. It's very challenging.

Yeah, I, I didn't I wasn't, I didn't like asking people to help. I was one of those. Now I would. Now I would.

Yeah.

But I was like asking people cuz everyone's so busy.

Yeah, I know. I know. But I see the carpools going on and I'm impressed. I definitely need more carpool situations. I'm not very, that's not one of my strengths.

Yeah. But you're fortunate and blessed that you're closer to your kids' school. Yeah. When I need help, when they were in elementary and middle school and they were not at the public school 5 minutes from my house, it was all me. It was all me.

Yeah.

My parents weren't always available.

I know, I know. It's challenging.

And it's terrible cuz school was like a half an hour, 35 minutes away and not everybody lives where we lived.

Yes. You, yes. You had it so much more challenging than I do.

That's a huge drive.

It was worth it.

Yes.

I agree.

Okay.

So let's move to those dogs that are in the background and let's talk about them because Liz has amazing dogs and I love them dearly. Tell us how your dogs have helped you and your kids and what you've learned from them.

I will tell you this. Willow is our oldest standard Goldendoodle, your typical yellow-white Goldendoodle. And when I got her, I was working full-time. She had anxiety. I had anxiety. I'm juggling. This dog just wanted our attention. It just all worked out. I fell in love with her. We had an understanding. She was my therapy dog. So I blame the next 3 dogs on Willow. Look at her and say, I'm a mini golden doodle breeder because of you. I love dogs because of you. I can breathe in my house because I now have a dog that does not shed because of you. And that's why I have more, because I'm actually allergic to dogs.

So you know what, I don't think I knew that.

Did I know that? Yeah. Oh, my mom has stories if you would like to hear them sometime about all the dogs she had to get rid of when I was a baby.

Oh no.

Oh, I have to still hear about them at 48 years old.

Her baby.

What about my dog?

How do you do with my dog?

Is it bad? No, it's like one of those things I— when I leave, I honestly have to come home and take an allergy pill and sometimes a shower or take my clothes off.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I have such a shitty dog.

No, that's okay. That's okay. No judgment. I love, I love animals, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna be around them. You can't take that away from me. I don't care what my allergist says. Sorry.

Oh my gosh, your dogs, you have such— your dogs have such gentle souls. I love your dogs so much. Thank you.

So does Tanner.

Oh my gosh. Oh, yeah. They're good dogs. Dogs are a certain love that is hard to explain unless you have one.

Oh, they're my little soulmates. I love them all.

Aw. What do you think one of your biggest struggles has been within motherhood?

My biggest struggles, honestly, is hearing when your kids get made fun of. Oh. This might be so classic and routine for people to say, but it's the hardest time. Or if they're struggling in school, education-wise and socially, and they feel alone going through school, it's the hardest.

So how did you get through that? Because there's people listening who are dealing with that. Oof.

One, one day, one step at a time.

You sound like Marlene.

I love you, Mama Marlene. I love you. I think if your child's having a problem with another child or that child's having a problem with you, Try to reach out to the parent and not the person in charge of the school, not the guidance counselor, not the principal. See if two adults can work out and get to the bottom of what's going on with your two children, if that's the case. My son, I knew something was different about him from the beginning. He couldn't focus. He moved a lot. He touched other kids, wanted to hug every kid in first and second grade. And you know what? Kids by third, second grade, they don't want to be touched. They don't want to be hugged. And if your kid comes home and says, "So-and-so was touching me and hugging me," as a parent, you go into this like crazy mode. What were they doing? My son has ADHD, and the 4th grade teacher he had finally agreed with me. The teachers all before that just ignored it. Nothing's wrong with him. But by 4th grade, that teacher within the first week of school recognized it. So if you think something is wrong with a child, it's okay. Acknowledge it. My husband was not on board with that at the time. Started to do this myself, and I don't think other people understood. So I talked to teachers, saw what, you know, saw what they recommend or listened to what they recommended, did what they told me to do, go to the district and do something about it and get him help. And that's what I did. That was one of my hardest hurdles and challenges, especially once we got the 504 in place for him. Now he needs an IEP and he's starting high school during a pandemic.

Oh my gosh.

And so now you're switching your child from private to public school from 8th to 9th grade, and now there's a pandemic, and now this child has to learn online at home and can't and isn't doing well. He did repeat 2nd grade. My daughter asked me to repeat 5th grade because those were the years I was switching them from public to private. Yeah, that made such a huge difference for them. I know it's not affordable for everybody. It wasn't for us, but like I said earlier, I made sure every day off and times I left my job early because volunteering at the private school helped us bring that total down every year. So I did as much as I could at that school to keep my kids there. That's amazing option. It's smaller environments too. It's closer connections for your child that maybe, maybe a little different like mine or overweight or whatever the challenges. I recommend at least the end elementary, middle school, especially middle school when puberty starts and emotions are high, in a private environment. It was so helpful for those 3 years.

That's awesome that you did that. And you really advocate for your kids. You're really there for your kids. I know it hasn't been easy and you may have already said this, but what do you think some of your biggest successes are as a mother?

Mm. Believing in my child, number one. Not giving up on them because of some— what someone else thinks of them or tells me they are, like a teacher and parent-teacher conferences.

Oh, that makes me want to cry. I'm impressed. That's excellent advice. Really good advice. Yeah.

Yeah. That would be it.

I love it. I love it. How do you think you've changed over the years as a mom?

Oh, I've changed so much over the years. I was just this nice bubbly mom, and you know what, all the parents aren't nice and bubbly, are they? And not the teachers. And you know what, I annoyed a lot of parents because I'm just genuinely a nice person and wear my heart on my sleeve. But sometimes I had to get my battle suit on to protect my children. As weird as that sounds, I just didn't like those struggles. But During the pandemic, I realized, oh my gosh, I enjoyed all these years and now they're almost gone.

I know it's going too fast.

Like high school, you think it goes by fast. Once they hit high school, oh my gosh, still hug them, still love them. They are still people. They might be here, there, and everywhere, but they might be on their phone 24/7. But let them know you acknowledge them somehow. My daughter's— she— her love language is gifts. So I leave little things on her desk for when she came home, whether she's having a good or bad week. Even those good weeks, uplift them. Bad weeks, uplift them. Find out what makes them happy. My son, just take him to a drive-through, just give him those stupid fries that are so unhealthy. Let him have that cheeseburger. You want to give an ADHD kid Coca-Cola? No, you don't.

Just give them a—

just whatever makes them happy or they need uplifting, just do what they need in moderation.

That's such good advice. Just make Max a huge big meal and he's happy.

Yes.

Yes. And he's 17 and he hugs me all the time. So I'm so thankful.

I don't get hugs anymore.

You better just tell him you need a hug for goodness sake.

Yeah. Oh, I make him. I'll just, he's 6 foot tall right now. So I just grab him, hug him. He's like looking at me like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm hugging you. It's called a hug. I need a hug.

I, do you stare at him? Like, I feel like I was just staring at at Max yesterday, and he's like, what? And I'm like, I don't know, you just look like a man.

Max looks like a man, and it looks just like a man. And his teachers in high school said they never felt like they were talking to another student, like he was a man, but with a boy brain. Don't be fooled.

I know, it's so true that the, the brain is not the looks. I totally agree, totally agree.

Yeah.

Okay. Let's shift a little and let's talk about how have you seen me change over the years?

Oh my gosh. Do I— can I have 24 hours? I could probably— I'm going to think of this when I'm sleeping tonight.

How have you changed?

So many ways. Where should I start? You've learned what you wanted in life. I feel like for a while you were just surfing and feeling people out. Boyfriends, friends. And then you get to a certain point, maybe when you were in college and I was starting to— starting out my career, we shifted away for a little while, but then we came back stronger. I think we both knew what we wanted with our lives, and they were different paths. We have different friends, right? You have different friend groups, I have different friend groups, but we still remain friends. We're not cliquey people. You or I have changed all that much personality-wise. We still want to be these bubbly, happy, positive people. It's just in our soul. We can't get rid of it. It's like contagious. I know.

It's just who we are.

Authentic.

Who we are. And I think we're very similar in that way.

Yeah.

Yeah. I think I was distracted in college with the workload and working because I was trying to work and go to school. So I think that my relationships probably suffered during college. What do you think that people don't know about me?

What do you think people don't know about you?

Oof.

These are tough questions, Rebecca. I wouldn't have time to—

You don't have to have the answers.

Repeat that question.

The thing is, is that Liz has been around for 33 years, so she knows stuff that other people don't know. So the question was, what do you think people don't know about me? Most people don't know that I was engaged before Seth. A lot of people don't know that, you know, that—

I don't know how much dirt we're sharing. How much dirt are we sharing? Is this censored? What are we talking about here?

Liz has lived through my 3 big relationships, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's the thing that people don't know is that I was engaged before. That's probably the biggest thing that I haven't, like, technically shared.

Yeah. And I didn't know how to tell her no for her. I didn't know how to say, get out of that, run and don't look back.

But I know, I think that when your friends— for everybody listening— when your friends and your parents don't agree with your decision on who you're choosing to marry, you probably should listen.

That's a whole other conversation. That's a whole other—

we're gonna do that.

We're gonna do a whole—

we're, we're gonna keep this on motherhood. We're gonna go back to motherhood, and another time we're going to talk about relationships.

And all her deepest, darkest secrets. No, I'm just kidding.

Well, we both have really good relationship stuff that we could share another time.

Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm.

What I wanna share with you about Liz is that I got to see her as a hairdresser for 28 years, and then she, um, was off for a little while dealing with her brother's death, which is a whole nother topic that we could talk about. And she was just so wonderful to him. And then I saw her change careers and I've seen her evolve into what she's doing. And I think that what I wanted to share with people to help them is that you don't have to stay in the same career for your whole life. You're allowed to make changes.

You know what? That is so true. And I'm finding out that more people, I, I think to myself, I could be a doctor, I could be a nurse, I could be an attorney. Like, I would love to do all of that. Maybe it's because I'm a Pisces, I don't know. But I joined a women's networking group in Western New York last year, and I'm finding out so many women have changed their careers. And I'm finding out that a lot of them actually got that physical and mental burnout like I did.

Yes.

I felt so alone when that happened to me. I felt so guilty for feeling, walking like a penguin, not mentally being able to ask people about theirselves. I'm realizing in this women's networking group that I am not alone. No. I went from being an in-demand hairstylist. My clients were booking out 3 to 6 months and telling me about their kids getting married 2 or 3 years later, right? Booking me.

Yep.

I stopped in 2017. I had to figure out what was wrong with me health-wise. And then I realized I'm bored. Even though I don't always feel good and I have flare-ups from my autoimmune, I gotta do something, even if it's a hobby. So this hobby of loving dogs and collecting them— yeah, I waited almost a year for my little Fiona, my mini Goldendoodle that's part of my breeding program right now. She's wonderful and she was worth the wait. And she— I just knew I wanted to breed. And so years before 2021, I started mentoring with a friend I delivered puppies with her. There was a time where she left me to go to the bathroom because when dogs are in labor, it doesn't happen like in— it's like women. It could take a very long time. They're not— puppies aren't born every like 2 seconds. They could be, but— right. But anyways, I realized that when my friend went to the bathroom this one time, she told me all the puppies were born, take a break, have a drink, start cleaning up. And then all of a sudden another puppy came out of Fiona's mom, who I was with. And I'm like, what? I'm in her garage. She has a kennel out there, beautiful kennel. And so I'm like, okay, save this dog. And I realized how precious these puppies are and how amazing. And I, you know, I made sure he was, or she was safe at the time, cut the umbilical cord by myself. It was just amazing. So I realized my kids are older. I love puppies. It's a no-brainer. Now there are 3 different types of breeders too, and I wanted to change breeding standards along with so many other people in the world and country. So I educated myself, and I'm still educating myself. I just took another webinar last week, what to do if a puppy is born and something's wrong with them, how to react, what are the steps, what do you do. So I'm always going to keep educating myself, and I have a lot of certificates under my belt, and I'm also in a Fear Free pet sitting course right now because all the puppies that I get to deliver, as they grow up and they've been adopted, those families come back to me when they go out of town or on vacations, and I get to see them grow and develop.

I love that. So what I did want to tell you in response to what you were saying is, aside from standing for many hours as a hairdresser— hairdressers are therapists, and therapists get very burned out like literally listening to people and their problems all day long. Like, it's totally normal after 28 years to feel burned out.

Yes. I didn't want to. No. Didn't want to.

No.

I never even told anybody how I was feeling. Like, not my boss, not my friends. And my clients just started noticing I was walking like a penguin and they're like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, in excruciating pain. And my primary doctor kept telling me, work out more, work less. I'm like, I can't. Like, we depend on my finance, my, my financial security at work, and I carried health insurance for my family. So what do I do? Yeah, yeah. So that was, was difficult to admit that I'm not feeling good, that I have to get in with a rheumatologist, that I need two carpal tunnel surgeries. It was a lot. I would get flare-ups. My legs, literally, I couldn't get out of bed and walk to go to the the bathroom some days. They were so swollen and in excruciating pain from my hips down. Started in my left hip, all the pain.

I feel so bad that you felt alone with feeling burned out and done and not feeling well. That is so sad to me that you felt alone.

No, you know what? I am a loner. I'm a Pisces. It was okay. It was like an okay. Like, I knew who's gonna call and make doctor's appointments, who's gonna take me for the testing. I am. I am. It's me. It's up to me. It's up to no one else. We gotta take care of ourselves. No one can advocate for us unless you have an amazing partner or husband.

But, and I want you to know that I don't know if you realize this, so I'm just gonna say it.

Yeah.

I would call you if I needed you. If Seth was like, if Seth and my parents were like, we have to work, like we can't go. And I was like, Liz, I need you. I would call you.

Thank you. I appreciate that so much.

And I'm, and I'm telling you that so that I want it to be reciprocal is why I'm telling you that. Yeah. So talk about our friendship and I can jump in if you don't like this question, but it's really evolved over the years. Like it's gotten, it just gets better. Why do you think that is?

Oof. Wow. I think what we have is so rare and unique. My daughter doesn't have what we have, and she craves it and wants it so bad. Being the only daughter, no sisters. I think we keep in touch, and I think we're really raw with each other. We know the good and the bad. You accept my bad. I accept your bad. We have a bad day. We have a bad day. I'm going to let you cool off. I need a moment. And then we have so many memories together. I know when your kids were younger, it was so hard for you to just say, I can't leave my house. I want to be home with my family. I don't want to go out to dinner. I want to be home with my kids. I felt like you felt. Yeah. And I was always like, oh my God, get me out of the house. Like, I worked all week. Kids are good. I have a babysitter. Let's go. But you— I don't feel like we're the same way, but I was patient with you and I let you raise kids the way you did. Yeah, you have one more than me. Yeah, it was hard, I think, for us to get out. Now though, I feel like your kids are older, they're in a better place. Mine are independent, never home. We get together more. I feel like we do, we talk more again because our kids are older. So yeah, I guess I would tell people, when your kids are younger, it's your world. It is. And once again, just say yes to the great, no to the good. It's hard, but I think you've even said that, haven't you, before? It was hard to get out. You didn't want to leave them when they were younger.

It was, and, and like nursing made it another level of complicated with 3 kids. I was pregnant or nursing for a very— so like maintaining friendships is definitely more challenging when you're in those early stages. And like, I would go out, I was telling Ella. That I would leave the house and my mother or Seth would call me and be like, you have to come home. She's screaming.

Yeah, I remember. Right?

Yeah. Like she, she wanted to nurse. She wanted me. And it was challenging. I definitely think it's harder to maintain relationships when you have young kids.

It is. And what I would tell the person on my end when Rebecca had to run home when she got those calls, Be flexible. Be reasonable. You're going to see her again. Don't be mad at her because she's living her life. That's her family. Those are her babies. I know. The older I get, I try to be flexible.

And I appreciate it. And I think that we've both just had phases where, you know, the hospital, the babies, like we've had phases where we were like very busy and we're in a really good phase right now. Where we can make more time for each other.

Yes. And it's give and take. Friendships are give and take. It's a two-way road. It's not a one-way. Really good advice. Of another person, though, it's not going to work out if your expectations are like up here. That person has a life too. You don't have to understand what she's doing. Just be kind and respectful.

She'll catch up with you. And you know what? You make a really good point because I have a friend who I adore who always wants to get the eff out of her house. She would tell you, and my kids are like, where are you going? My kids are like, what do you mean you're going out? And I'm like, sometimes I have stuff that I'm gonna do. Cause they expect, the expectation is that I do everything during the day. And then when I have stuff at night, it's like, where are you going?

If I'm dressed up, my gosh, if I put some mascara on and lip gloss, like, where are you going? I'm like, I know they just want us home.

I'm sorry, but at 18 years old, you're going to get a text from Landon and it's going to be, where are you?

Why are you still out?

I think you got that text when you were out with me.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, I have a nosy kid and then one that just has my location on.

Oh my gosh. Anything else that you want to share to moms to give them advice? And then we're going to talk about how they can find you in your business— businesses.

Okay. Advice for moms. Once you take care of yourself, you're ready to take care of everyone else. Yeah, I got burnout.

It's real. I'm imperfect.

And we all— yes, perfect.

Yes.

One day at a time. I was a planner. I am not a planner so much anymore. Crazy revelations.

I know.

We've learned a lot.

We've learned our forties is very different than our thirties.

I love forties. I love my thirties. I like my forties so much better.

Tell everyone Liz has two fabulous businesses. So please hit her up. Liz, tell them about your businesses and where to find you.

So I am responsibly raising mini golden doodles. So find me at buffadoodles716@gmail.com or online, just Buffadoodles. You'll find me. And there is a waitlist for mini golden doodles till 2025. So—

oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Hit me up. And I'll get you on that list, and I'll tell you why they're so popular. Get in touch. And then I am breeding for quality of the Mini Goldendoodles, so genetic testing of the parents is really important to me. So I've only had one litter a year. I need help. I'm looking for a guardian home for a free Mini Goldendoodle in the future locally. But I wanted something to do because I only have one litter a year right now, so I started Buffa Bites Barkery. Not bakery, Barkery. So I am baking preservative artificial dye-free dog treats, and they're becoming so popular that I'm working on an LLC right now, and we're doing nutritional information out of state right now just to get this product on the shelves and in your hands.

And they're beautiful. She— Liz is so talented. They're gorgeous. I've asked her to make adults treats that I could eat.

I probably could. Just throw some sugar in there.

I know Tanner loves— my dog loves them. They're gorgeous. So get some treats from her, get on her waitlist for her beautiful mini golden doodles. And I can't thank you enough. I just, I always love talking to you.

Thank you so much for having me. And if anyone needs to message me, it doesn't have to be about dogs.

Exactly. Exactly. Thank you so much. I'm sorry for our technical problems.

Yes, sorry.

Oh my gosh. I'm going to let Liz move on with her day, but this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, and I want to remind everybody to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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