Episode 350: Father's Day Special: Lessons Learned

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Plousa Podcast, and this is a super exciting episode today because I get to have my fantastic husband Seth Green on for a Father's Day special. Hi honey.

Hi, thank you so much for having me. I feel a little bit like Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live because I've been a guest on your show so many times that I should add it up and say if I'm like the 5-timers club or the 6-timers club like he does on Saturday Night Live.

You are funny. I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you something really funny. You record with me every Wednesday night live, and it is released on the podcast every week. So you're really on every week.

Yes, but that's on Winey Palooza Wednesday Live, not separately as an official podcast interview. So I'm counting them separately. You, you count them however you want. It's your show.

You're right. They're totally separate. You're absolutely right.

So one is your content that I contribute to, and then this is a whole separate all interview.

So every Friday I have a guest that I release as the Wine Inclusive podcast, and it's experts on a variety of topics related to parenting and marriage. And on Wednesday nights, Seth and I go live to talk about the topic of the week, and that is released on the podcast the following Wednesday. So lots of parenting and marriage content for everybody.

You're doing a fantastic job.

So, Seth, I get to talk to you about fatherhood because this is a fatherhood— this is a Father's Day special. And you are the father of our 3 children, which I'm very grateful for. I'm going to open the bedroom door because my dog is knocking on the door. So give me a second. While I'm opening the door, Seth, why don't you introduce yourself and tell everyone about your amazing businesses?

Thanks, honey. That's real life for you. I, I'm Seth Green. I'm Rebecca's wonderful husband, as she says. Uh, I am a serial entrepreneur. I own BMD Publishing, the company that produces and podcasts my wonderful wife's podcast, book, and markets all of her stuff. I own Market Domination, which is a direct response marketing agency. I own howtofundmoneyforcollege.com, which helps families cut the cost of college tuition about $32,000 a year. And I own Silver Spoon Financial, which is a comprehensive multifamily wealth management office focused on retirement tax reduction.

You want to talk about motherhood over here? And we'll go back to Seth. My cat— my kids were not at the door. I shut my bedroom door where I am recording right now, and my cat and my dog were at the door waiting for me to open the door. So this is motherhood, people.

This is real life, babies.

It is 8:15 p.m. on a Wednesday night. We have gone nonstop all week. June is absolutely insane. And we are fitting this in because we want to give you this wonderful content. And this was our only time to record. So here we are. Seth is a busy man. So thank you for giving me like 30 minutes of your time to record this. And you're listing all of your businesses. You are just like one of the busiest people I know. You do so many things. You fit in working out and Krav Maga and spending time with your kids and spending time with your wife. You're a dad, you're a husband, you are an entrepreneur with several businesses. How on earth are you balancing and managing all of that?

Thank you for having me on and thank you for the question. And thanks for making me a father 3 times. Appreciate that very much.

6 times. I gave you 3 fur babies.

Okay. Are we counting previous fur babies? Anyway, we could be here for a while. I will say I don't balance at all. It's not balanced. I used to think that it was all about balance and finding this magical mix, the perfect amount of time evenly spread across every area of your life. And I found out that does not work because if you have a perfectly balanced teeter-totter, what happens? Nothing. Somebody immediately tries to move to make the teeter-totter go up and down because it's boring to be exactly perfectly balanced. And it's also impossible for, for any length of time. So I don't think it's balanced. I think there are periods where each area of my life at different points of the day or the week. Takes more focus. So I don't know if I'm balancing it all. I am switching from thing to thing based on how much each thing needs me at that given point in time. Managing it all, my fantastic wife is our domestic goddess and manages all of the kids' stuff and tells me where to be, when, for who, and who to take where, when. So I couldn't do any of that without you. The business stuff I have, I'm, I would label myself a wonderful visionary and I have a fantastic team. That helps execute all of my ideas so that it looks like I'm everywhere all the time, but I'm really not. Woo! Very organized, very meticulous in terms of time management, very productive and awesome systems that run all that stuff.

He talks very fast. Okay.

And that too.

We're going to slow you down, first of all, because you're going to make my head spin if you talk that fast because it's been a very long day. I need you to angle your camera down because I feel like I'm looking up at you and it's not working for me. That is so much better. Thank you so much.

Sorry about that, honey.

This is marriage for you people. Love that answer. I think that we're seeking for something that we're not going to find. So I love that you took the word balance out of my language. And I love that you have changed my perspective on that through your answer. So that was a really helpful answer.

Awesome. I'm so glad you liked it.

I want to know what has been your favorite part about fatherhood so far.

Got to nail it down to one thing? That's really—

you can tell us favorite parts, plural.

I would say watching them grow up, watching the people that they are turning into, watching them grow and get older and smarter and more sufficient and just seeing their brains and personalities evolve and trying to, as I will borrow a quote from you, grow up with them.

Mm. The tears have begun. Just made it to the second question.

You're doing great, honey. Woo.

Okay. Do you hear Lily laughing? If you hear Lily laughing, I apologize. All my children are home. All of our children are home. And yeah, it's a busy house. What can I say? So you're going to hear real life. You're going to hear the dog and the cat and the kids. So what has been some of your challenges along the way with fatherhood? And then tell us how you are overcoming those challenges. You can just give us one.

Okay. Challenges. I think realizing that I have to shift as they mature, realizing that their needs for me are different. Day by day and realizing and evolving my own role as their father through that process and realizing that certain things that it's about them and what they need and not necessarily about my opinion. And I might think I know what's best for them, or I might think I want— know what the answer is. And it's more about just being Obi-Wan Kenobi to their Luke Skywalker and helping them get to get on the, get where they want to go on the path. And it might not be the path that I would pick. I would say one of the biggest, most recent shifts was not a short time ago, a couple of years ago when we had, at least I had visions of a Division I college scholarship for Max for soccer being a goalie. He had coaches. It wasn't a pipe dream. He had coaches recruiting him. He was playing on Olympic development teams. Like he had a legit, he made the regional, national, state travel team. They're going to be flying around the country for tournaments. He had a shot, a legit shot, and turned it down and decided he didn't want to play soccer anymore and wanted to try football, which he's had a lot more fun at. You adjusted to this way faster and easier than I did, but it was not about me. It was, I hadn't realized I had become that dad who was hoping for his son. I, I wasn't trying to get him to fulfill my sports fantasy, but I'm sure there was part of that in there. But seeing what he could have had. And then realizing that he didn't want it. And then that, as I've seen since then, that it wasn't really for him. So realizing that what was, what he thought was best for him was not necessarily what I thought was best for him. And he might be right.

I really have so many thoughts about that as you're talking, because what people don't know is that you may have said this. I don't think you did, but you have put, you had already put a bunch of travel dates into our calendar.

Oh, it was all on the cal— every tournament was on the calendar when he made the team.

I mean, Seth, I'm not telling you me because it would've depended on the girls' schedule. I don't know that I could have gone to all of the tournaments, but Seth was committed to taking him to all the tournaments. Seth would've taken off of work. Seth would've flown him across the country. Seth would've done anything for Max with soccer. Not that he wouldn't do anything for Max, period. But like when I hear parents complain about the cost, which I totally understand. Seth has never complained about the cost and he was willing to spend whatever was needed to be spent. And we were really excited and we saw a future that was very different than our son. And I think that the route that he is taking is probably a better fit for him, but we had to really adjust to that. And I'm afraid to say this out loud, but I had a similar thought about Seth was very attached to soccer, even more so than me. And recently, I even checked in with Max and made sure he didn't want to play soccer because they need a goalie. And Max could be a starting goalie and could do amazing on the varsity soccer team. And he said, no, I want to do football. So here we go into another football season. And what I said to Seth was that I could relate for the first time when I thought about Lily and cheerleading. And that I'm looking forward to 6 years of cheerleading ahead of me. And let's hope that I—

Yeah, she could change her mind.

Let's hope that Lily enjoys cheerleading for the next 6 years and that I get to see her cheerlead for the next 6 years. But our kids could throw us for a loop, and we never know what's to come.

Very true.

So Seth has done a wonderful job adjusting and changing with our kids. We figure our kids out, and then we have to figure them out.

They change it. Once when we understand them, once when we got it, they change their minds about something.

Yes, they change and we have to change with them. So what advice would you give to new fathers?

I'll give you 2 pieces of advice. Number 1, don't call the pediatrician the first week you bring your baby home saying that they're crying and they won't stop crying because they will never forget that. I will never live that down. Then your wife will make you switch pediatricians because you were that dad who called in and the nurse had to say, no, sir, babies just cry. It's really okay. And so that's my first piece of advice. My second piece of advice is probably more important. It's gotta be flexible. Whether it's the outfit that you're wearing that they spit up on, whether it's the plan for a work thing that you were going to or something that you're going to and somebody gets sick and now you can't do it, or now you gotta take care of, you gotta do something somewhere else and there's a parenting responsibility. Whether it's just your attitude of what you think is gonna happen that evening, that day. Or how a conversation or a life is gonna go. I, I learned, I think Rebecca tells me almost every other day to be more flexible and loosen up cuz it's always changing.

Ah, yes. Yes. We can definitely agree that things are always changing and evolving and schedule changes. And I know that every parent doesn't have a flexible work schedule. I know that some people, they have to be at their desk from 9 to 5 or 9 to 6 or 8 to 6 or whatever. But I will tell you that I am very fortunate that Seth owns his own businesses. And what that looks like is he's not going to jump every time I call. He might say, nope, I'm sorry, I'm doing a webinar from 3 to 6. I can't help you. But there have been times where I have called him and said to him, I'm really stressed out. I have way too much going on. I cannot drive all the kids. Max can't help me. My parents can't help me. Please, can you help at all? And sometimes he jumps in and says, oh, I'm done at 4 today. I can help. And sometimes he says, I can't, but I love that you try. And I love that I can ask even if you can't do it.

And I wish I could do it every single time.

And there's also carpools and other parents and grandparents. And thankfully our 17-year-old drives. I have said to him many a time this year, can you please go get Ella or Lily?

Yeah.

Can you share a funny parenting moment that stands out to you? Anything funny?

You're putting me on the spot here. You fill our home with laughter, light, and love every single day. So there's always a funny moment that you are giggling, usually with the girls, and your laughter and smile are contagious. You're asking for a specific time.

I'm sorry. If you don't have—

I'll give you one. OK, so— This is a few years ago, but I think we got the first PlayStation VR headset. And Max— it was for Hanukkah or something for Max or his birthday. And he was playing, I think it was Beat Saber for the first time. And Rebecca said, oh, I want to try. And watching her with the VR headset on trying to keep up, yelling at the things on the screen that were flying by, the notes that she was trying to keep up with was Absolutely hilarious. And I think she might've ended up, full disclosure, peeing her pants because she was laughing so much as she was trying to keep up with the beats on the screen.

Oh my gosh. The kids thought I was pretty funny.

Yes.

That was a, that was definitely a funny mom moment for sure. So what do you think is the most important lesson to teach our kids?

Persistence. Persistence pays off. Never give up. It's only failure if you quit.

You need to tell them that when we stop recording.

Okay.

That was your answer. I love that answer. I think that's a fantastic answer. I think that is one of the most important words. Okay. How do you handle stress during parenting moments?

Not as well as I would like. It depends on the moment. It depends on who's causing the stress. I am better at it with some children than others. I've got more work to do in some areas than others. Some are easier for me to handle. Some are easier for you to handle. How do I handle stress? I don't know if I've got— I'm always asking you for better coping strategies. Deep breath, count to 10, take a break, put yourself in timeout, remind yourself that it's not about you and to be flexible. That's what comes to mind.

Okay. So think of the last time that Lily pissed you off and you handled it effectively.

That's been lots of reps and lots of practice and lots of guidance from you to learn how to do that.

Well, no, I'm asking you to like describe it to them so that they can learn from you that it was an effective, you were effective with her.

Oh, yes. Okay. So I forget what the exact topic was, but she was upset and cranky and not listening about something. And not being nice to you.

Shocking.

And not being nice to you about it. And the way that doesn't work is when I get pissed and come in and make it worse and escalate the situation. The way that most recently worked was I stayed calm. I got you out of the room. I talked to her. She wasn't directly mad, angry at me yet. So I was able to have a more calm conversation and try and redirect her and get her to realize how you get what you want is not by yelling at your mother. I know you're upset at her and she's upset at you, but if you communicate differently, she'll communicate differently and you guys can resolve this amicably. And I think that way of staying calm and playing referee and as opposed to getting mad at her for her behavior and making it worse, the calm referee version works a lot better.

150% accurate. And what I want to tell everybody is that I think that the latest thing for me that I have realized is that I need to tag Seth in. And there are times where I need to put myself in timeout or remove myself from the situation. And I yell, Seth! And then he knows he's tagged in and he's like, Lily!

Yeah, that's usually Seth, Lily. That's usually exactly how it goes.

Do you think she's calmer with you than with me? 100%.

It's, I'm her father. You're her mother. There's, you have the mother-daughter dynamic. I do not. So yes. And I'm usually not the one in the situation that has gotten to the point where she's mad. It's you and her and you tagging me in. It's rarely the other way. I'm not fighting with her about her hair or her makeup or her outfit most of the time and then having her run to you. It's usually mother-daughter stuff. Or trying to get her outfit right. The only time, yes, the only time I discuss her clothes with her is, hey, wear the rest, your shorts are too short. And then she goes, mom, tell dad I can wear these shorts.

What is your favorite family tradition?

The forced family fun adventures you make us go on. So whether that's a walk at Billy Wilson or Einstein Woods, a trip to Switchelae across the border, or a family vacation to Disney, when you're like, I don't care if you don't want to go, we're doing this and we're going to go have fun. Those are some of my fondest memories.

Aw, we like forced family fun. Force your family to go have fun because guess what? Once you get them out of the house and you get them there, they most likely will have fun.

Very true. You have proven that many times.

How has fatherhood changed you?

How hasn't it changed me? I think it's changed me in many ways. It made me stronger, more resilient, more empathetic, more sensitive, more emotionally available, more determined, more loving, more caring. How's that?

That's a lot.

Yes.

So it's made you better?

100% every day.

What do you think that your biggest strength and weakness are? Is what's the correct word as a father?

I was about to say, is this a job interview? This sounds like our first date interview. What's your biggest strength? What's your biggest weakness? Why should I hire you to be my husband?

Um, why should I hire you to be the father of my children? That's what I should ask you.

You had to get me married first. Okay, so biggest strength as a father. I tend to be Rebecca. I think I'll say this correctly. Rebecca would label me her rock. Rebecca drives the fun bus in our house. I am probably the rock. She has the most fun and has the most variety in her emotional choices. And I am probably the calm stabilizing influence. So that is probably my biggest strength, ability to stay calm if there's a dead bird, bunny crisis. Blood or anything else. A weakness as a father, thinking that I know better and trying to— I have to— I've been working on this, is not trying to force my kids to do it my way because I think I'm right, and realizing I've got to let go and let them figure it out their own way, even if it's wrong, even if it hurts, even if I could have made it better. They've got to learn it on their own.

Oh, that was a mouthful of very true That was great.

A mouthful of very true. That's gonna be my new book title.

I like that you are so self-aware.

I have been married to a therapist for 20 years, so it helps.

I'm so glad that I'm helpful. Apparently I drive the fun bus.

You know, you drive the fun bus. Their lives would be so much more boring with just me.

I feel like I'm really serious a lot of the time. I'll start dancing in the kitchen, but I feel like I'm very serious a lot of the time.

I think you're serious when you need to be because you're trying to accomplish things of getting them where they need to go and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think if you had more freedom to drive, the Fun Bus would be driving a lot more often. But you are definitely the driver of it and the initiator of it and way more fun than I. You loosen me up and make me more fun.

And you make me calmer. Yes. Dead bird, bunny. We've been dealing with some stuff and I'm not—

well, technically the bunny wasn't dead. Technically the bunny lived.

We saved the bunny, but it's very traumatizing for me.

Yes. We, sorry about that.

I just love animals and I try to protect them from my big dog and they should just stay out of my yard.

Yeah.

So what do you appreciate most about our partnership in parenting?

I couldn't do it without you. I've learned so much from my, of my fatherhood technique from watching you as a mother. I appreciate that I get to learn from you and be inspired by you every single day.

Okay. So I love that answer, but not good enough. No, it's not that it's not good enough. It's, it's flattering. And I love your answer. I think that let's take therapy out of it. Let's take your therapist wife out of it. Let's just take Seth and Rebecca, normal Seth and Rebecca parenting. What do you like about our parenting partnership?

That you are the yin to my yang. You balance me out. You make me more flexible, more fun, more sensitive. And you are an amazing girl mom. And I'm a good boy dad. And while I'm a good girl dad and have done endless tea parties and pretend weddings in the living room, and maybe I can do one halfway decent braid, I don't know the first thing about— I, I, You're the expert on their feelings, makeup, outfits, everything. I'd be like, let's just, yeah, all of that.

I think that describing us as yin and yang is a really good description. I don't know that we could be more different in a good way. I don't mean that in a bad way. I think it's good. We balance each other.

Complementary opposites.

I didn't wanna marry myself.

Yeah. You two wouldn't get along very well.

Oh, we would butt heads. What's one thing you wish you knew about being a dad before becoming a dad?

How much I was gonna love it. I had ideas about fatherhood, but you have no idea until you've actually done it. I had no idea how much more love I would have to give.

He was like, I've never babysat. I've never held a baby. I've never changed a diaper. I'm never going to change a diaper. And I don't know about this. And I was like, I have a biological clock ticking. I am turning 30 years old. We are having a baby. We are having a baby now and you'll be fine.

That was the pep talk, ladies and gentlemen, right there.

I was doing the math.

I was going to say you could, if this whole whiny blues of brand thing doesn't work out, you could go right for Hallmark.

Let's go. Thank you for the 3 children that you gave us. With me.

Thank you for making them with me.

What? Oh, that's too close to my other question. How do you hope to be a better father in the coming year?

Be more flexible. Be more of a guide. Uh, it's not my story to write, it's theirs. And I'm just here to help them navigate that path.

I asked you a lot of questions. I threw a lot of stuff at you and that he just like is so used to doing podcasts. He just rattles off his answers. Is there anything that I didn't ask you that you think is important to share with everybody for them to learn from?

There is no right way to do it. There's just, you do the best you can in the moment with what you got. It's not always going to be right. It's not always going to be perfect. There's going to be things that you wish you could do differently. But that's the human evolution journey. So give yourself some grace.

And I wanna tell you a couple things about you as a dad. You amaze me that you find so much time for your kids and he comes home from work and there's a lot of times that he still has work to do, which is fine. He's still present. And by present, I mean that. If Ella needs help rehearsing a scene, he's helping her rehearse a scene. If Lily's asking him to help with homework, he's helping her with homework. If Max is asking— what is something Max asks? Max asks you a million questions.

Computer stuff.

Max asks you a computer question, you drop what you're doing, you're helpful, you're available. If they call you at work, you answer. You can tell how much you love your kids and that you're always there for your kids. And despite working more than full-time, you have a lot of hours that you put into fatherhood, and I really appreciate it. And I pat myself on the back pretty much every single day that I picked you to be their dad.

Oh my God. Now it's my turn to be emotional. Thank you. That is very sweet.

I did a good job. I picked myself a good husband and I picked my kids a great father. I, yeah, I did well. And I'm going to tell you that who you marry is probably the, what would you call it? The biggest decision that you make.

What emotional state you live in the majority of the time and the person you spend the most time with. Two biggest decisions. And who you choose to spend the most time with affects your emotional state.

So choose your partner wisely. If you are single, choose wisely. If your kids are talking about getting married, tell them it's a very important decision. And yeah, I made a good decision. My kids have a wonderful father. And thank you for doing a Father's Day special with me.

I am honored every time you ask.

I learn something from you every time we do this. We've done a Father's Day special 2 or 3 times, right?

Yes.

Yes. Okay. Should we tell everybody where to find you for all your stuff?

How about marketdominationllc.com for the marketing and podcasting stuff? Howtofindmoneyforcollege.com for college financial aid. That's plenty for now. You'll find me.

And we are college hunting with our son. And we are in the thick of it.

And Seth is explaining a lot to me about how to save money for college.

So how to save money on college, how to cut the cost, not do how to put more money away. There's a big difference that I need to clarify.

I get it wrong almost every time.

Sooner or later you'll remember my little spiel.

20 years from now.

So yeah, the grandpa day special.

So everyone is wanting to have a more financial— help me, what are the words? A more affordable— that's the word I'm looking for— a college experience. So I would guess that everybody listening should contact Seth for some college financial help. So I want to thank you for joining us, and I want to thank you every time you listen and share, and I would love for you to rate this. And leave us a comment. And anything else, honey?

You got it. Thank you for having me on again.

Thank you, honey. This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

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