Episode 375: Happy First Day - How do I have a senior?

Hello everybody, happy Winey Plousa Wednesday and welcome to the first Winey Plousa Wednesday live on Rebecca's new Facebook profile. Hopefully you find us.

Did you put in my newsletter where we were going live? I did. Did you say Rebecca's page?

I did, and I included a link directly to this and I tested it because you're amazing. I've heard that there have been times that you have called me other things, so I will take amazing.

So this is a sad day for me because I didn't think we would be going live on this page ever because I thought that we would have my new page back.

Your old page back. We thought your old profile would be back in less than 60 days.

I thought I wouldn't need this new page to go live on. I thought, you know, you can't go live on Facebook until you've had the account for 60 days. So I have now had my new account more than 60 days. Unfortunately, my old account is still not back, and every time we email them, they still say they are working on it. So Facebook, if anybody watches this who has any pull at Facebook, Facebook, I really want my old account back. And I'm going to tell you about this morning and my tears about my old account. I went to find I was like, I want to see Max's kindergarten picture. Max is a senior. We're going to talk about it. The topic this week is happy first day of school. How do I have a senior? Max is a senior. He went to his first day of senior year yesterday, and I wanted a side-by-side with his kindergarten picture of the day he went to kindergarten, and I couldn't find it. And I was looking through my photo albums, and I was looking through my phone, and I was crying because I was like, my old Facebook account is back. I can't is gone. I can't even go look for it.

Well, that would have been a lot of scrolling.

I've done it many times. I've done it many times. And I scroll back to Facebook to go find whatever pictures I want to find because everything is in my Facebook account that I had for 16 years. And I'm crying and I'm trying to find his kindergarten picture, and I realize that my husband made me some social books from Facebook, and I found one for 2012 when Lily was born. And Lily was born when Max was in kindergarten, so I was like, he did it! He printed the book that I needed, and I was like, I love my husband so much!

I didn't recall this part. You told me you found the social book, but I do not recall a "I love my husband so much." I don't— you didn't mention that part.

Oh my God, I was on the floor in the family room going through my photo albums crying, going, I love my husband so much.

Oh, well, thank you for sharing that with me now.

Well, I'm sorry I didn't share it with you earlier. I— yeah, I've been very off today. I am not sleeping well. Um, I was up way before 6 o'clock today and I am crashing. I was falling asleep on the couch and Seth was like, Does your phone need to charge? And I was like, are you kidding me? I have to work and I'm falling asleep. So here I am. So let's talk about the first day of school. If you are watching, if you see this, tell us how the first day of school went. Tell us how your kids are doing in school. Tell us how the adjustment is going. If your kids have been going for a while, some of your kids have been going for like a few weeks now, I think. I want to hear how it's going, so fill us in. If your child is older than mine— so I have a senior, a sophomore, and a 7th grader— if you have a child in college or older, give us some pointers for senior year and all that stuff. We want to hear from you, and we appreciate the advice. So let's talk about the first day of school. Do you know how our children did? Did you talk to all of our children?

Yeah, they all survived. They all got there and they all said their day was fine.

Yes.

So some of them like their teachers.

Max seems happy with his day. Ella was mostly happy with her day. We did switch something. So one of the things that I wanted to say tonight is that it's not always smooth. Like, there's gonna be bumps along the way, along the school year. And when there's bumps, just work it out with your child and the school, you know. I take it for granted that I— my job was going into the school system and having lots of school meetings.

As a social worker.

So, as a social worker before I had children, the families that I worked with, I did everything with them. I went to the probation meetings with them. I did counseling with them. I went to the school meetings with them. So I think that all of my experience in school makes it really easy for me to pick up the phone or to email and say whatever I need to say. And what I've realized just over these last couple of days is that not everybody does that, and not everybody realizes that you just need to like make a phone call, advocate for your kid. Yes. So who is— what are they doing in there? Ice? Yes, that is some major ice noise in the kitchen. So if you have bumps, advocate for your child and be nice to the school. We can get what we want while being nice. If we're not nice, the school doesn't want to help us.

More flies with honey than vinegar.

Yes, Max had long hair too and he just chopped it off.

Wasn't as long as mine, but it was long for him.

It was long. So, okay, so Ella had one bump that we fixed— I think we fixed. Lily did well. And I'm trying to think of any details from school to report to you, but they all have great teachers. They have some friends in some of their classes. I have also learned from my 7th grader So what I want you to know is that I have been at this middle school with my children for a very long time, and I know most of the middle school teachers. So Max and Ella had a lot of the 7th grade teachers who like and wanted for my daughter. So come to find out from Lily that she cares more about friends in her classes than the teacher, which I didn't even ask her. I mean, for me as the mother, I care about who her teacher is, and for her as the kid, she cares about who's in her class. So I didn't think about that, but she has pretty much all of Max and Ella's teachers, and it's just so nice. It's so funny to me, and I think Mrs. Paulzak is here, and she understands this because she got all three of my children Hello Mrs. Paulzak, tell us how the first 2 days of school went. So she had all 3 of my kids and she's wonderful. And it's so exciting when a teacher that you love gets another one of your kids. So I went up to one of my favorite 7th grade teachers and she's like, "I get the 3rd green!" And I was like, "Yes, I'm so happy!" So yes, this excites me when my kids get good teachers. So, oh, it was fantastic! Yay! I love that her first 2 days were fantastic. I think that everybody is going to sleep so well this weekend. I think everybody is going to need lots of sleep. I think everybody's tired, and I think that it's harder—

early football game.

Well, yeah, but she won't have to get up at 6 in the morning. Yeah, I mean, I think that it's harder for the high schoolers than for the middle schoolers because the high schoolers go to school so early.

Yes.

So it's like a huge sleep adjustment. I am totally messed up. Are you messed up or are you just as is, as normal?

Well, I don't normally get up at 6, so I am a tiny, tiny bit messed up. But no, you're— I'm getting woken up at 6 and going back to bed and doing stuff. You are going downstairs and starting your day, so it is a much bigger adjustment for you than for me.

So I'm waking you up when I get up?

Yes, and the children also make noise and close doors and walk in, and yes.

So when I get up, I need to get out and shut your door?

If that's possible. I mean, sometimes there are animals asleep in our room that prevent that, right?

Okay, so they all had a good—

it's not about me, you're the one doing the work.

I'm the one driving Ella to school, coming back, driving Lily to school. No, we don't use the bus, and I know we're gonna get lots of comments about that. Oh my gosh, so I go to South to pick up Ella because Max was staying after for football, so I went and picked up Ella and Max couldn't drive Ella home, and my friend is there with her father and we're all talking and he's like Why don't you put your kids on the bus? What happened to the bus? How did we get here where we don't use the bus?

You spoiled our children.

Oh my goodness, did I spoil our children? Do you use the bus or do you drive your children? I want to know. I want to know what you're doing. Okay, so I'm very excited for this year.

I, I think it's going to be the first year I've seen you like Genuinely excited.

I will tell you something, I have never felt ready to go back to school before.

What is the difference for you? Because that is a big shift.

That has never happened.

You are normally a big resistor.

I'm a big, I'm a big school resistor. I love the summer. It's funny because Ella was like, I was like loving all the fall stuff in the store and Ella was like, I thought you didn't like the fall? And I was like, no, no, no, no. I like the fall. I enjoy all the pumpkin things and all the decorations. In fact, I'm gonna put out all of my fall decorations.

Fall fabulousness.

But I love the summer more. So I do enjoy the fall.

Mrs. Paulsek says, I love the neon sign, but I also love the artwork by the Green Children. Mrs. Paulsek, the artwork by the Green Children is still here. It's still around the room.

She's saying she likes both.

I know, we moved like 2 pieces to make room for the sign.

I think we're gonna revamp this playroom. We don't really need a playroom anymore. There's not much playing going on. Do you want to know what they do in the playroom? They exercise. They literally work out in this room. What I really want to do, we're going to ditch this little couch that we're sitting on. I want to get a big comfy couch, and I want to get rid of all the toys because no one's touching— why do I have toys in here that are sitting here that nobody touches? Yeah, we can put work out of it. We're gonna empty the room and we're gonna make it look different and updated. And I drive my high school kids.

The bus comes too early for him, says Mrs. Kozak. Yes. How do you drive him and teach at the same time?

How do you get to school? Because you— yeah, she has plenty of time.

Oh, okay.

Because if he— she's taking her kid to high school, they want to be there by like 7:20, 7:30, and the middle school starts at—

oh, that's right.

8-some. I mean, I dropped— yeah, I dropped Lily off at 8:40. So the first drop-off is Ella wants to get there around 7:25-ish, and then Lily wants to get there at 8:40.

Got it.

Okay, so, so far so good. I hope so far so good for your kids too. In all of the mothers that I talked to, there was only one child who was having anxiety about going back. Everybody else seemed to be in a good place. I did have one kid tell me they didn't want to go back to school, but most kids were like, I'm ready. Like Ella was like, I'm ready. So why was I ready this year? Do you have any thoughts on that?

I'm asking you why you were ready.

Well, summer was, you know, summer was crazy. So like I did not have a relaxing summer. I don't know about you, but my summer was not relaxing. So I feel like they had me spinning. Like this one wanted this and this one wanted this and it if they didn't have an activity that they needed to go to, they wanted to go somewhere and spend our money. So we spent a lot of money, we drove a lot of places, and I think that like I'm ready for the normalcy of school routine, like normalcy of routine and actually getting some stuff done and actually being able to think. Like I said to myself as I was getting text messages today, I was like put your phone away and focus, and then you can actually get stuff done. You don't have to answer people, like, just focus. You don't have kids bothering you, your husband's not home. Well, I mean, you text me sometimes, but I'm just saying that I don't have to respond to everybody.

I can actually respond to them right away.

I can actually have some peace and quiet and get stuff done.

Yes.

So I think that I just want to savor the year, and I want it— I'm not going to rush. This is the first— this is the first and only school year so far that I'm not gonna rush. And I usually am like dashing to the next summer, like, okay, countdown to June. Like, that's totally me. Like, how fast can we get to the next summer? This year, having a senior, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna savor this year. I'm gonna savor all the things. I'm gonna savor homecoming and football. Football. Oh my God, football. So this is his last football season. As of today, he doesn't want to do sports in college. We will see if that changes. And so this— since he's been 3, I think I put him in soccer at 2 or 3 years old.

3.

And he is now gonna turn 18, and this is our last sports season with him. So I'm gonna savor the sports season. I'm gonna savor football. I'm gonna savor all the things. I'm not gonna rush the football season. I am gonna be happy that he can not have constant football when it's over because he's taking too many AP classes again, and he's gonna have homework. So, oh, so look at this. Number 1, cherish the moments of having a senior. I'm gonna cherish all the moments and I'm not gonna rush it. And every single person that I talk to is like, it goes by fast. Well, I don't care if it goes by fast, I'm gonna slow it down.

There you go.

Okay, so my note to myself, this, these are all notes to me having a senior. But I'm giving this to all of the senior moms out there, and I'm looking for all of you to tell me more stuff that you learned from having a senior. And I'm gonna say I'm gonna let go a little more. I'm releasing control more and more, and I notice myself doing it. It's a natural thing. I'm not even purposely doing it. It's almost like a natural progression. I do think that we should do it purposely. Like Seth said to me, what did you say to me the other day about teaching Max what? Food, laundry, was it? Eating, eating, laundry. So the two things about Max that I hope that he can fix next year is I get really pissed off because if I'm not home, he's not eating a meal, and I will— I know you're gonna think this is ridiculous. I'm a caretaker at heart and I love taking care of my family, but I also want him to take care of himself and to learn to do that. So I will come home and make him a huge meal because I want him to eat, and I want him to eat 3 meals a day. And I come home the other day and in the garbage is 2 protein bar wrappers, and I'm like, Maxwell, that is not a legitimate meal. Like, can you please make yourself something? So I'm gonna be calling him at college going, are you eating actual food or are you living on protein bars and protein shakes? So I would like to see him go to the stove and make himself some eggs. Like, make some freaking food, okay? The other thing is with football, I'm doing laundry every single day. So they give them like one set of everything.

Yeah, there's one set of practice jersey, practice equipment, and you gotta wear it every day. It would make sense at least give them a few and so the moms could rotate.

So I mean, there's probably a lot of moms who are like, you know, screw you, do your own laundry. And that's okay. Like, you're making self-sufficient kids. Our job— I have been told this for years and years— our job is to get ourselves out out of a job. Our kids should be self-sufficient when we set them free. And when we set them free is not the word. What am I— uh, launch them into the world. When we launch them, they should be self-sufficient. But I, you know, I still ask my mom things. Who are we kidding? But I do his laundry every day. I cook for him every day. I would like to see him do these things. And I, and I care less about the laundry and more about the food. Free Freaking make yourself some food. I even called him the other day and I'm like, you can get some yogurt and granola. You don't need to survive on popcorn and protein bars and shakes and whatever else he's grabbing to eat. Do your kids make themselves food? Lily does.

Yeah, Lily does. I've seen her make real food.

I come downstairs and Lily, 11 years old, made herself toast with peanut butter and bananas.

It's something.

I wrote myself a note to support their goals and dreams, and I think that the big thing for me is that— I mean, I don't care what your kid wants to do. I have here college, trade school, jumping into the workforce, taking a gap year. Whatever your kids want to do, like, talk it over amongst yourselves, agree on it together, make plans for the future. Max wants to go to college, and Max has his own ideas about where he wants to go to college. Do you agree with his plans?

At the moment. They, they do sometimes change.

So we have tried to guide him to the fact that we would like him to stay within a few hours of our house. Hopefully he will get into schools that are close to home. I want to support his dreams. He has things laid out that he wants to do. It could change 50 times, right? But I want to do what I can to just support what he wants, and I don't want it to be too much about what I want except for the semi-close-to-home part.

Right.

Right?

Drive as opposed to a plane flight.

That's exactly what Nikki said today. We were talking about what our girls are talking about. Our 11-year-olds are talking about where they wanna go to college. And what happens is that when you have older siblings, the younger siblings talk quicker about college 'cause they hear the older siblings talking about it. And she was like, she was talking about California. And she was like, I told her it needs to be drivable. Like, we don't want plane flights to go see our kids. You and I need to be on the same page.

Yes.

So you don't want a plane flight either?

If I can avoid it, yes.

I told somebody that he mentioned Berkeley and that I vetoed it, and they said to me, why would you veto that? That's a good school.

Because there are plenty of good schools we can drive to.

Ah, be present for milestones. Remember that I'm talking to myself. So I need to not be tearing up. I love what Seth said to me. My friends all posting about their kids' first day of college, and I'm like crying and crying and crying. And he's like, why are you being sad ahead of time? Exactly. Like, you have a year. Don't be sad now. Like, be present, be in senior year, enjoy the moments with him. He's here, so I don't need to be sad that he's gone because he's here.

Be where your feet are.

Prepare for the transition. I think we're doing that. I think we're doing the right steps. So that you guys know, we do have somebody working with Max to help him prepare for college. Would you like to say more about that?

Sure. We have a private admissions counselor who's working on the schools and the essays and all of that stuff. And then we have obviously my company on the financial aid side.

Okay, so tell them who is helping him and tell them your business name so that if they want help, they can reach out to both of you.

Sure. Annemarie Cammarata from Stress Free Admissions, who happens to be local in Western New York and is a fabulous admission— fabulous admissions counselor. And then my company is howtofundmoneyforcollege.com, and we are strictly on the financial aid side.

So does Annemarie work with people who don't live here? Yes, I'm assuming she works with anybody anywhere. Yes, because she, she does Zoom with us, so she can just Zoom with anybody.

Yes.

So what I have here, and I'm going to tell you why I'm saying this, is that in preparing for the transition, it might mean researching colleges, understanding financial aid, or planning for a gap year. So if you have a senior, there are a lot of steps to to take with financial aid and admissions. And I think his first application is due like November 1st.

FAFSA got delayed again this year, for those of you who don't know, till the end of the year. So I am working on prepping all the answers for when the form comes out. And the CSS for private schools is still— the date is still October 1st, so that's the one we're doing first.

If decision day is May 1st for college, when it's supposed to be, then you don't have to make a decision until May 1st. This could be a process like my friends over February break were still touring colleges to make a decision. So like, all the seniors have time to make a decision, correct?

But again, the FAFSA got pushed 2 months out, and assuming they do it then, and assuming it takes them the same length of time to get the data— the school's decision day got pushed further last year because the schools didn't have the information they needed to make offers to the families because the government screwed up.

Do you think that this year is going to go smoother?

Well, they recently delayed the FAFSA from October to December again, so that leads me to believe that they are not ready and didn't fix the issues from last year. And would I like it selfishly for my own child to be less of a mess? Yes. Would I bet on that? No, I would not. I, I would bet— I'm hoping it's gonna be less messy, but I think based on the delay, it will probably still be somewhat of a mess.

But I will tell you that for me Having Seth and Annemarie to help me is drastically reducing my stress level. So you don't have to do it all. There are professionals to help you, so get the help. I'm happy to have the help. And I wrote here to keep the lines of communication open, and I want to tell you that I've really watched my friends through this process, and their kids changed their mind last minute. I mean, some kids were going to this school and then last minute said, nope, I decided I don't want to go to that school, I want to go somewhere else. So just keep the communication going because kids change their mind. And my hope is that Max gets into the school that he really wants to go to and goes and loves it. And wouldn't that be lovely? Yes, I would love that. Allow for some senioritis. Is what I have in my notes. And you can find my blog at winiflusa.com. I did write about all of this. I had senioritis. What about you?

A little bit.

Oh, you had it a little bit? I had it a lot of it.

Doesn't surprise me.

I was checked out. I was like, I'm done with high school. I think that Max, even before he entered the school yesterday, was feeling like he's ready for the next chapter. And I think that him feeling ready for it is making me feel more ready for it. And I think that although he's going to have senioritis, and although I see peekings of it, he still needs to finish strong.

Yes.

And we need to encourage our kids to finish strong. You still have to get good grades. They're still going to look at your senior grades. They're still going to look at everything you're doing. Like, it's not over just because you get into a school. You still have to finish strong. So of course I expect some senioritis, but I also expect expect him to finish it off. And last but not least, I have here that we need to take care of ourselves too. And, and I'm going to tell you the best way that I take care of myself. I have the luxury of talking to a lot of moms, and I bumped into— there's one particular mom that I'm thinking about right now that I bump into at Wegmans almost every time I go to Wegmans. And she has a senior, and we talk and talk, and everything that she was expressing is what I was feeling. And I just felt this like huge weight lift off of me because she was expressing my feelings, and I felt so supported and understood. And talk to other moms because other moms have been through it. Other moms are feeling the same things. I— Joette was here. I don't know if she's still here, but Joette's kids are older than mine, and I would love advice from her and others who have been through this. You know, tell us how to savor senior year. Tell us advice for senior year. Tell us advice for next, you know, next year. I'm open to it. I'd love to hear from you. I think it's gonna go fast, but I'm gonna attempt to savor every moment. Amy just hopped on. Amy has a senior. Amy knows all the feelings that I'm having, and it's a lot of feelings. It's a lot of feelings. I— if I told you all of them, I don't want to blow up the phone. So I do want to tell you guys that I am very excited for our Friday podcast. It was a really good one. I interviewed Seth for our 19th wedding anniversary special. Every anniversary I interview him. Every year I love it. It's one of my favorites of the year, and I had a great time, and it's coming out on Friday and you're gonna love it. Anything you want to say about it?

I had a wonderful time being interviewed by you. You are a fabulous host, and I always feel like we have a romantic therapy session every time you interview me.

Isn't that funny? It is good for our marriage. I would say interview your spouse. It's good for your marriage. Ask them questions. Amy's still freaking out. Amy, I'm wondering how we got here. Like, I literally can vividly go back to sending him on the bus to go to kindergarten. I could go back there in 2 seconds. I can go back to him being born. Like, how are we here? Tell me that.

You kept feeding him, he kept growing. Time passes.

Well, I mean, 19 years passed and we've been married 19 years. It's kind of crazy.

Yes.

Next year's 20, baby.

Yeah.

What are we gonna do?

I'm gonna take you somewhere if you let me.

Where are we gonna go? Oh, tell us where to go for our 20th anniversary. I would love to book it and plan it. He just wants me to pick somewhere.

No, you're giving me dates. I am emailing the places and saying if they have availability, so that narrows down our choices.

Okay. All right, we'll see what's available. So that's our topic for this week. You knew it was coming.

And like, comment, share, rate, review, subscribe. Go to whineypalooza.com, find the Linktree, see all of Rebecca's amazing resources, and make sure you sign up for her 3 times a week awesome free email newsletter with great marriage and parenting tips and tricks. There are dozens and dozens of people signing up that newsletter every single day. Join the awesome in-crowd and get in on her newsletter.

That's so sweet. I do want to tell them that in the Wine Apples and Mom group on Facebook, it's free and supportive. We just finished the September back to school challenge. And if you go join it, or if you missed it and you're part of the group, go comment on the 3 posts, September 1st, 2nd, 3rd. And then I put all the comments in and I pick a winner. So I will pick a winner soon. I'm gonna give people a little more time to comment. And then I will pick a winner to give a prize to. So I hope everybody's adjusting well, and I hope that you get more rest than I've been getting. I hope that I get better rest tonight, and we will be back next week.

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday.

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