Episode 382: Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, and I am so excited today because I get to talk to the wonderful Holly Swenson. Holly, thank you so much for doing this with me today.

Thank you for having me on. It's a pleasure to be here.

Well, I want to tell you a little bit about Holly. Um, Holly has her BSN, she's an RN, and she's an award-winning author, wellness blogger, mother to 4 incredible sons and a perpetual student of life. She is on a mission to raise the bar for parents and infuse more joy, intention, balance, and wellness into parenting and beyond. She believes learning how to tend to you before tackling life's asks and demands is the key to opening the door to thriving in life and not just merely surviving. Holly will teach you how to balance the demands of parenthood and more consciousness, grace, and gentility, not just for your own benefit, but for the lives you are responsible for shaping. I really wanna start with asking you what inspired you to create Live Your Glow and where did you get that awesome name?

So, well, the title of my book being Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow, it was really a spinoff of that, you know, kind of that capstone piece because the last line in my book is live your glow. Um, and for me, that means you're living your wellness in the world every day with your family, for yourself. And so, uh, for me, it just hit, you know, just right. And that is where that really stemmed from.

Well, I love it. It's, it grabbed my attention. I'll tell you that. And tell us about your book. It's called Stop, Drop, Grow and Glow. Did I say that right?

You did, yes. Okay. So I've created this framework for parents to really help them take their parenting to the next level, you know, teaching parents how to parent with more peace, more patience, more intentionality, and joy. And really the ultimate premise for this was to revolutionize the way people are parenting. I think people are becoming more open to different ideas, different ways of parenting. I think you just see so much more available to parents now than you ever did before. And for me, I wanted to create an intentional framework to help parents step into their best lives, not only to be a great parent, but also to nurture themselves as individuals. Because I talk about the importance of tending to both. I think a lot of people lose themselves, um, once they become parents. And it's important to be present for your kids, but it's also really important to take care of who you are as a human being. And so My framework helps you not only be a better parent, but also step into more wellness for yourself, which ultimately will make you better at everything you're doing.

I love that so much. I'm laughing because I'm thinking the next time I'm in a hot moment, I'm gonna say stop, drop, row, and glow, and it's gonna make me laugh and I won't, and I won't react. It just makes me wanna stop, drop, and roll. Really?

That's right.

Right.

And that's kind of a play on words because I wanted it also to be something that people could remember.

Yes.

We all grew up with that, like stop, drop, and roll. And so I thought, oh, this is a fun way to expand on that classic.

Perfect. Well, and I want to get back to self-care, but before we talk about it, I really want to know what the 5 Rights of Parenting are.

Yes. So I am formally trained as a nurse, and there's something known as the 5 Rights of Medication Administration. And it's a kind of a quick check-in with yourself to make sure you've got the right patient, you're giving the right medicine, the right route, the right dose, that sort of thing. And I thought I would love to— because I like to build on what I've learned, right? So that's how I, I operate in life. You know, each chapter— there's different chapters of life, different seasons. And so I thought I would love to create something for parents now that that's where my focus really has been. So they're designed— the Five Rights are designed to be a quick way to touch base with yourself on how you're presenting as a parent. And they work to ensure that you're doing the right thing and not causing unnecessary harm to your child or yourself in the process of parenting. So you want to think of these rights as a supportive parenting protocol. So I'll jump in if that's good with you. We'll, we'll hit the first one, and it's called Right Now. And this one is about being in the moment with your child and being present. So you're not texting, you're not working on 3 different things while your child needs you. When you show up you wanna really show up and be all in. And if you truly cannot put aside what you're doing, maybe you give your child a hug or say, I'm right in the middle of something, but in a half an hour, you're setting expectation for your child where they know they're being seen and valued and, and you, you're being intentional with prioritizing what's right in front of you right now. And so I think in parenting there are no repeats and time is ever fleeting. So you wanna maximize that precious time you have and live in the moment as often as possible.

Very true, very true. Yes, you can keep going. I don't want to interrupt you.

Oh no, this is great. So the second right is right intent, and this one is being intentional with the choices you make, the guidelines you set, and how you're treating your child. If you don't know why you're doing what you're doing, uh, it might be time to reevaluate your parenting strategy. If you're passing on things that you experienced as a child that you actually really didn't like, but you're just kind of on autopilot, or you've never given yourself a minute to like check in with like, why am I parenting this way? This actually isn't working. This isn't feeling good for me. It's not feeling good for my child. You know, it's an opportunity just to get curious. And I just, again, I think circle back to this, this feeling of being intentional and, and showing up in a way that you really feel like is healthy for you and for your child. So I think being intentional as a parent is super important. So that's what this one speaks to.

Hmm. Because sometimes we're doing things just not even thinking about it, not even knowing if we're doing the right thing or taking a moment to think about it. That is very true.

Yes. So, so that's the second one. The third one is the right use of speech. And, you know, I think that your voice is a tool of creation, so you have the power to uplift your family or tear them down.

Oh boy, it's a lot of power.

It's a lot of power. So, and I think that this can be one of the toughest rights to implement. Speaking with mindfulness is not always an easy thing to do when you get triggered or you're late or you're rushing out the and trying to get your kids' shoes on in the morning, or they forgot this, or you forgot that. And it's like, whoa. So just trying to slow down even when you're crazy and chaotic and like take a deep breath before you start crazy stuff to yourself.

I'm going to remember that. Check yourself.

And then if you forget and you say things that you're like, wow, I really didn't mean to say that, apologize. I think the reality is we're only human. We're going to say things we don't mean to say. And I think when you make that time to apologize and connect, you repair and, and you role model for your kids, or maybe it's your spouse or, or whatever's going on. You repair that and you're setting really, um, great role, role modeling for not only for family, but also for life. I believe apologizing is really powerful and important.

I totally agree with you, and I don't think we should ever expect ourselves to be perfect because what I've realized is that me expecting myself to be perfect, then they expect themselves to be perfect. So we don't want to role model that.

It just sets this expectation that's really hard and really impossible to achieve. So, yes. So just remember, you're only human. The fourth right is the right use of power. I think you want to wield your power with care. You're the one responsible for setting boundaries, discipline, and you ultimately have the final say for whatever issue might arise along the 18 years you're blessed to have your children under your roof. So this one is really just about not abusing your power and being, again, intentional in the framework you set for your child. Wield that power with care. Again, check yourself, check in with, you know, how you're showing up and the interactions you're having in your home. If things feel joyful, if you feel like you're on the right path, keep going. If things are a little crunchy, then, then you might need to check in and, and reevaluate and, and re-strategize, you know, because the reality is what, what worked last year might not be working this year. And your kids are changing every single day. And so you have to keep changing and growing with them. And then finally, the, the last rite is the Rite of Love. And for me, this is by far my favorite rite. I believe love is the cure for all that ails us, parenting and beyond. Letting your child know how much you love them and are there for them ultimately, I think, will plant their spirit in deep, rich soil as they grow. You know, I think you should use this rite as many times a day as you really can aspire to. And your child will likely mirror the love you give them. But there will be days they don't. They start getting older, but I think you want to give that love anyways because it is being felt, it is being received, and it is being appreciated even if they don't say so.

Yes, they're not always good at verbalizing it, but they do appreciate it even if they don't say it, right?

That's right.

I was staring at my 11-year-old, like just staring at her, and she was like, "Ugh, can you just stop looking at me? Like, what are you doing?" And I'm like, "I just love you so much." I love that.

Well, and I think too, like, as I see my kids getting older— because we're not so much in the thick of littles anymore— but like realizing like, oh, we only have a few more years left with our oldest. And I do get what you're saying, like just staring at them, like realizing like, oh, I better breathe this in right now because things are changing.

Yes, and they just keep looking older.

They do.

Can you speak to any challenges you have had along your wellness journey and how that might inspire your work? Sure.

So I think— so one thing I talk about in my book, I think for me, we started with twins and then 12 months later we welcomed our third into our family and then our fourth is just a couple of years behind them. So we really have this like four pack that are really close.

Wow.

When they were little, it was a lot. I mean, you know, just having one child is a lot. But then we had— we had a lot going on when our kids were young. And so I had, I had a year, I was 7 years in, but I, I had this year that was personally challenging. I lost my stepmother and I had an illness combined with having 4 young kids. I told my husband, I'm like, I really just need to get away from it. Like I need to step away from what I've got going on and check in with myself cuz I was on overload. And I think I'd always been good about taking care of myself, but I think in terms of being more mindful, more intentional. I, I went to this wellness retreat and I gave myself a few days there and I came back changed forever. Like it just set me kind of on a new course. And so I think that, you know, these moments in life show up differently for people. It can be, you know, for me that was kind of a catalyst of like, wow, I really want to just change a few of the things that I'm doing just to help me show up in a way that I feel really good about. And so that for me was kind of, that was a year that I think forever will stick in my mind as just being a catalyst for wanting to also activate, help other parents activate their wellness sooner than 7 years. I wanted to kind of change that trajectory. Like, I was a good parent, but I became an even better parent after having this immersion experience.

That's amazing. Can we all just go do that? Is that your homework assignment?

Yeah, make time for some wellness, a couple of days. And I do. I will say one thing that I have really adopted in my life having 4 kids is once a year. I do like— we do a ton of stuff as a family. I do stuff with my husband one-on-one, but I also make time to get away for a couple of days just by myself. And I will say, and it doesn't have to be traveling far, maybe it's, you know, you do a staycation, but you literally give yourself— maybe it's 1 day, maybe it's 3 days, maybe it's 5 days, whatever you can, you know, pull off. But to give yourself an annual reset for me has been really profound and helpful.

That's a wonderful idea. I honestly never would've thought of that. Yeah, I like it.

Yeah. I, I love it.

Well, and you know, we talk about mindfulness and I think that, you know, it's a really vague concept that people don't understand. So can you talk more specifically about what it actually is and how people can benefit from it?

Yeah, I think the reality for me, like with mindfulness is I, I think it's cultivating our self-awareness. And so it's kind of like checking in with yourself, like, you know, in my framework, STOP, it's like it's learning to stop and self-assess. So like, how are you doing? How am I doing? Because most people don't give themselves that pause. It's like, whoa, you jump into parenthood, you might have stuff that you have never even had a chance to process or heal, but then you're having kids and you just have all these layers that kind of build. And if you aren't taking care of yourself or maybe you're not eating well or you're not able to exercise, you're not able to You know, all this stuff, right? So I think it's learning to cultivate more self-awareness, learning to also cultivate, I think, more calm in your life. I don't think we were taught that. I think, you know, this next generation, I think, is learning more tools than we had. But, you know, I think it's harder to actually show up to an intense situation maybe you're having with your child in a, a state that's calm than being triggered and kind of jumping right into their emotional tornado. So for me, when I think of mindfulness, I allow myself when I'm stepping into a situation that might be like, oh, maybe your kids are fighting, or maybe there's some situation before you open your mouth to literally pause, maybe you take 4 breaths before you start engaging because it allows your brain to kind of like just settle a bit and not be as reactive. So for me, mindfulness is just being more self-aware, less judgmental, and more present for what's in front of you. That to me is, is really how I see mindfulness.

Now, do you find, this is probably a really obvious question, that if moms are taking more time for self-care for themselves, that they're then being more mindful in their lives?

100%. Yes. And I think that there's this concept that self-care is selfish, that, you know, you feel guilty. Like if you pencil yourself into the equation, it's like, oh, I don't have really have time for this. But, you know, like if you check in with yourself, do you feel better if you've gone to the gym, even if it's 45 minutes? Or if you've, you know, for people who like to meditate, like I like to get up and try to meditate in the morning or in the evening if I haven't had time in the morning to give myself maybe it's 20 minutes to just like breathe and get grounded or kind of set good intentions for the day. I love yoga, whatever it is for you, it's running, or when you make time for yourself, I think self-care is a secret sauce in parenting. So if you really wanna thrive, you cannot leave yourself out. And the reality is that when you're tending to your heart and your personal wellbeing on the regular, it, it's it's gonna make it easier to joyfully care for others. And it'll teach you to not be burnt. You know, you're not gonna feel as burnt out when you're like, I've taken care of myself and now I feel ready to care for what's in front of me with a little more grace.

Well, and I think that the biggest thing that moms will say, and I'm sure you've heard it all, is a lot of them say to me, I don't have time. I don't have time. I hear it all the time. So how do they balance the crazy demands with them adding in the self-care? Can you help them?

Yes. So, so I, I've often said even 5 minutes a day will change your life. Mm-hmm. And so whether that's breathing, whether you literally have no time at your house, maybe you drop your kids off in school and you park your car and you like, just, you know, maybe you put on like a, the Calm app or you put on, you know, or you just sit and breathe or you, you know, like that's, that's something that's very simple. But I say like, if you have time to go get a coffee, you know, things that really matter to you, you find a way to accomplish them. So If finding self-care is important to you, I always say there's a way to weave it in. You know, maybe it's before your kids get up, or maybe it's giving yourself time at the end of the day when your house is quiet. I think the also this idea of like microdosing your self-care. So you might not have a luxury of like spending an hour most days, but maybe it's drinking your coffee or your tea in the morning. Maybe it's putting music on, adding aromatherapy, having the diffuser going in your kitchen, or just small things that add up to feeling like you've taken care of yourself. Could be rubbing oil on your feet at the end of the day. I mean, it doesn't have to be big and, you know, getting a massage, but massages are lovely, but it's not easy for most people to do regularly. So small things that you do for yourself throughout the day will help you feel more nourished.

Well, and I think what I'm thinking as you're talking is, number one, I don't think we're labeling self-care correctly. I think we have a false sense of what it is.

Yeah.

And I think that if we start to label those little things, we're mentally gonna feel so much better just by relabeling enabling it.

I totally agree. And I think self-care, you know, some of the things I talk about in terms of self-care is keeping, keeping dreaming as a parent. Like, that's, that's self-care, you know, like living your— like, you know, your podcast and you're sharing your message with the world, you're, you're living your dream into action, right? Um, it can be date nights with your significant other. It can be, um, getting in the water. I talk about water being a tremendous element for grounding and releasing energy. So maybe it's just a nice hot shower that's like just feels good, or sitting in a hot tub or swimming in the lake or whatever it is. But like water, I think, is very calming and can keep your system more joyfully sustained. And humor. I also talk about humor. I don't think we think about humor as being like self-care, but I think as a parent, sometimes you're dealing with heavy stuff or can be stressful. So making time to laugh and, um, trying to not take yourself too seriously can help you just to feel lighter and more joyful.

I love that. I love that. Cuz we do get very serious. I think we can.

Absolutely.

Yes. Well, and it's interesting that you're talking about water as grounding because I have my best thoughts in the shower and I've never understood that. So thank you.

You're welcome.

I was like, why is it always in the shower?

Yes.

Water helps. Water helps. I love water. So you talk about the power of reflection.

Mm-hmm.

And I would love to talk about the importance of that cuz I don't really know about it.

Yeah. So in my book, at the end of each chapter, I have reflection questions.

Mm-hmm.

Because I wanted my work to not only have you like read it, but also then to like kind of hold the mirror up and say like, well, how does this apply to my life? How does this feel? To me, or where am I at? And so I just think that reflection is a powerhouse for teaching you how to grow in life. I think that when you slow down and do some internal gazing, it helps shed light on areas that need work. And so I think this is something that's worth making time for. I think ultimately when, when you learn to pause, think deeply, and look a little closer at your life, it allows you to shift and find more compassion for yourself and perhaps others, you know, or your children. And I think that it's also important to cultivate more self-awareness, which we've talked about, and reflection does just that. So ultimately, reflection is helping you take more ownership of who you are as an individual and as a parent. And I think that it also opens the door, uh, to become more victorious in your everyday. So the simple act of slowing down and reflecting can really become your superpower if you let it.

I love that you're labeling that a superpower, and I'm thinking about us all on autopilot. It's like we go nonstop. And we have this schedule for the day and we're not pausing and reflecting and taking a breath. And if we were incorporating that, we would feel very differently.

Yes. And it doesn't take a lot of time. I mean, truly, like if you like, you know, maybe homework assignment for today, like literally take 2 minutes, you know, and maybe like I said, maybe it's when you're, you know, wherever you can find it, take 2 minutes just to breathe. Like, I mean, it sounds which sounds kind of silly, but when you literally, if you close your eyes and you put your hand on your heart and one on your belly, give yourself 2 minutes, you're gonna come out of that 2-minute session. You're like, wow, that was only 2 minutes, but I feel calmer. I feel more connected. I feel just, you, it makes you feel better and more grounded in your reality.

100%. You know, and you touched on this a little bit, but I think that my goal as a parent is to be responsive versus reactive. I think that's like my ultimate goal. And you know this, sometimes I'm like, you're killing it, and sometimes I'm like, oh, that wasn't good. So can you help us be more responsive?

Yeah, well, and I think, yes, absolutely. And I think what I, I want to, if you don't mind, I'll mention reaction too, because I think it's important to talk about them together because so many of us live from a place of reaction. I think there's a huge difference between reaction and response. And so learning to distinguish between the two, I think, is going to help you navigate parenthood with a little more poise. So reaction is really that instinctual kind of drive. And so I think it can be easy to ignite when you're raising your kids, right? It's what's there waiting for you, and it's an easy go-to. So the reality is that it's not thought out or really very helpful. It's not a helpful way to redirect what's in front of you because It's immediate, it's not mindful. You're shooting right back to your child what they're offering you. And the reality is that you don't have to join in their emotional tornado. You have to choose to rise above and kind of be that, that, you know, the base of the scales, kind of just hold your own and be there because they have a hard time regulating their emotions. I mean, that's just where they're at in life. And I think that often parents just really don't— they don't have the luxury to really think about how to optimally reply to a request, action, or naughty behavior. And they're, they're kind of being asked to make a snap decision. And so I think in that moment of feeling overwhelmed, that's where parents say things or set consequences that they later regret. If your typical approach to your child having a tantrum is to scold them or get big or get loud, consider stopping, giving them a hug, and getting quiet if the situation allows. I think the reality is that oftentimes you both will benefit from a softer place to land. And, and this isn't about being a weak parent or a pushover because I, I believe in boundaries too. But I think there's many instances where if you had taken your energy level down instead of fire on fire. So if you can cool, like cool and be that softer place, it, it actually will help you both just kind of reset, find that homeostasis. Now when we're talking about response, the reality is that this is more considerate and thoughtful in nature. So you are stopping to process, uh, before you open your mouth. And this is a game changer. Response takes more work, more patience, both with yourself and with your children. But when you remember to respond, it allows you to process, remember your manners, your intent, and your leadership skills as a parent. So it's— responding allows you to move forward in a healthy and dynamic way. It's going to improve your social skills. It's going to allow for more self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy. And so I think that when you can respond, you're going to deepen your connection with your child. And I just think that that is where the win happens. So you are, again, you know, when you're responding, you're giving yourself a moment before you're jumping into action. So just slow down, like just slow down, breathe. It's gonna be okay. Just find your calm before you jump into action.

I think that those two words, slow down, are the keys to success in life. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's hard because for me, especially when my kids were little, that was one of the things I really had to learn to cultivate is slowing my transitions. Because you feel like you're slammed from one thing to the next. You're like just constantly like running. And, and even when you have a lot to do, like just slowing it down a little bit, even if you're, you know, like if you're running late and then you're like stressed out on top of it, it's just, it's just this like awful combination. So just even if you're running behind, take a deep breath, maybe laugh, like Yep, we're gonna be late tonight, but let's— but we're gonna make it when we make it. Like, just try to lighten, lighten your load a little.

I love it all. I love it all. Can you talk about some of your most popular ones and what they offer to people?

Well, so I don't— so I have my, my website. I'll just share. So my website is liveyourglow.live, and you can tap into— I have a wellness blog that I do monthly, and I have a newsletter that I send quarterly. And really, my focus has been promoting my work, my book, Stop, Drop, Grow, Flow, uh, which is available on Amazon, Barnes Noble, anywhere you buy your books, and also on Audible. I, I narrated it because I know for so many parents they just don't have time to crack a book.

So I love that.

I wanted it to be easy, so it's also available there. I think for me this season, I've really just been— I've been invested in connecting with others. So, you know, getting to meet beautiful people like you and spreading this message of wellness, joy, and intention to help our parents thrive.

I love it. I hope that we are helping people thrive. I'm sure we are because I think we do get stuck in surviving. And I think about that through my day and I'm like, no, no, no, no, you're not surviving through your day. Let's make this a good day. But I think that what I see a lot of moms struggle with is the consistency, the wellness practices that they might start, they don't always follow through with long-term. Can you give them a little pep talk on how to be more consistent?

So what I would say, you know, if you really are finding— I would say like try something for 2 weeks and start small. Like don't set this goal that's like too overwhelming to even like, like there's no chance that you're ever going to hit it. So I would say start small. Maybe you give yourself a 2-week window to practice 5 minutes a day. Start with 5 minutes, literally, which isn't that much time. So give yourself 5 minutes of doing something that brings you peace every day. And that's going to look different for everybody. So carve out that 5 minutes. If you can stick with it for 2 weeks, maybe you add from there. Maybe it goes to 10 minutes. Like I said, start small, but self-care will change your life. And it's something that you absolutely should prioritize to be a better human being.

Well, and I think that what you said is so important because I think that we start too big and we set these big goals for ourselves and then we wonder what happened, right?

Because in reality, you already have a lot of big stuff going on. I mean, yeah, raising kids, you already have so much big stuff going on that when you add more big stuff, it's just, it doesn't happen. So microdose your wellness. It's gonna help you just feel cared for on a much deeper level. And, and it's, it's absolutely worth it.

So to the mom listening who is feeling really stressed out right now, she's overwhelmed, she's got way too much going on. Can you give her like a last piece of just start here to work on your stress level?

You know, breathe. I think just breathe. You know, for any parent, it's like, especially when your kids are little, just remember your breath, the power of breath, taking those breaths, trying to look at them and remembering that it is temporary. Your kids are going to be changing. You're going to look back on it and wish you had more moments. You know, even in the crazy moments, like, just try to go easy on yourself. Try to go easy on your children. And, and try to just, you know, really simmer in that, the moment, wherever you are, meet yourself there with as much grace as possible and know that you're doing the best job you possibly can.

That's great. Grace. Grace is a perfect word. I love that word. So anything that I didn't ask you that you think is super important to share?

You know, no, I think the biggest thing for me, like if, if you didn't listen to anything else that I said, I just going back to that. Concept of self-care. You hear that word a lot these days, but I can't drive home the importance enough to make time for yourself. It's going to make you a better parent. It's going to make you better at your job. It, it's something that should not be left out or neglected. So make time to take care of you.

And I didn't learn that when they were little. It took me a long time to learn that. So I'm hoping that the moms listening are going to learn it before I learned it.

Yes, yes, absolutely. Whatever it takes you. And, and for those days that you feel like you can't get away, if you don't have anyone to help you, take your kids with you, go get out for a walk, incorporate them into whatever is gonna bring you more wellness. Bring them along for the ride because there are days that you don't have help. So, you know, get out the door, go do something that's gonna, that's gonna make you actually both feel better.

Really good advice. Can you remind, remind everybody where to find you? You did mention it.

Yes. So you can— my website is liveyourglow.live. I'm also on Instagram at Holly Swenson_LiveYourGlow. And if you are interested in my book, Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow, you can find me on Amazon, Barnes Noble, anywhere you find your audiobooks, and also on Audible. So I'm on Audible, anywhere you buy your audiobooks is what I'm trying to say. So it's out there, it's available, and, and I hope that it helps you on your journey.

Thank you so much. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your expertise. I loved getting to talk to you.

Likewise. Thank you so very much.

This is Rebecca Green, and I want to remind everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, Leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.