Episode 383: 12 Lessons for Lillie on her Birthday

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

So at 5— what time did you get home, 5:30? At 5 o'clock when Seth got home, a little after 5, he was falling asleep and I was like, I have tons of energy, let's go, let's go for a run! And now I'm crashing. Have you noticed that? Yes, I'm trying.

Started crashing after dinner.

I'm definitely getting tired. I was up at 5:30. Did I wake you up?

Yes.

Were you up at 5:30?

Why don't you tell us about the wonderful reason why you were up at 5:30?

So today is our daughter Lily's 12th birthday. She is 12 years old today. She is our youngest, and I, I will tell you, on school mornings, birthdays can be challenging. Lily wanted crepes for breakfast, and we always do a scavenger hunt for them to find their presents on their birthday.

And I can't possibly wait till after. We gotta do it right in the morning.

She wanted to do her scavenger hunt. Oh, I'm gonna try not to yawn. She wanted to do her scavenger hunt Bright and early, bright and early before school. And I was like, ah, how am I gonna have time for all this, all this stuff and all of this stuff? And we did it, we did it. I'm definitely—

we pulled it off.

Well, I'm definitely ready for bed, but it was, it was a busy day. It was a good day. And I wrote my blog this week, The 12 Lessons for Lily on Her Birthday. And I wrote it. I decided to do something different, and I want to go talk to her about it when we're done with this. And I decided that each clue would also have a lesson.

And that was beautiful.

Well, it's so funny because as I was thinking about— I bought her 12 gifts. I bought her 12 gifts. I did 12 clues, and at each clue she found a present. And I had so much fun buying her gifts. And as I was thinking about them, I started thinking about things that I wanted it to teach her, like symbolically, which is really, really cool. So I'm glad you liked that idea.

I really liked it. Like, you could sell that.

I could sell that. So not only could I make up scavenger hunts for people, I could make up lessons within the scavenger hunt.

Right, using it as a teachable moment. Yes. Yes, awesome.

Yes, so I think she read most of it. I want to go see if she finished reading and what she thought of it. I should have gotten her feedback before we did this, but, um, let's jump in. Let me talk about what I got her, what kind of clues I do. Now mind you, when I got too creative and too tough with the clues, it's not as fun for them. So you don't want the clue— in my house, you don't want the clue to be too hard because you want them to actually be able to keep going, especially when you're somebody— especially when you're trying to do it before school on a timetable, finish it quickly so they can move on. So you need to remember, I'm reminding both of us that when it is Max's turn in January, that Lily can do his scavenger hunt because Lily actually did a better job than I did. She came up with like little poems for each. I love the idea of like a little poem at each clue.

Yes.

So you can create it. I can put other people in charge of scavenger hunts, like Lily.

Which is a lesson right there.

Right? We can delegate. We can involve our families. We don't have to do everything, moms. I'm talking to me. I'm talking to myself. But I did do Lily's scavenger hunt. I didn't even think to have Ella do it. But I definitely think that I could pass the torch sometimes. So I wanted to start super easy, and am I going to tell them the clues?

I don't know that you're going to do— have time to do all 12, but you could share some for sure.

Okay, so like, like silly easy things like, where do you go after cheer when you're sweaty? Well, of course she runs right to the shower, and we have the problem in our house that Max and Lily get home from football and cheer at the same time, and I'm like, okay, You know, if I know Max is on his way home, I'm like, don't fart around, go get your shower done because he's next. So in the shower she found her, um, Soap and Glory Birthday Washes, and I only bought it—

you got more? Are these scrubs in the tower of snow?

No, it's not scrubs, it's like body wash or something. The only reason I bought it was because it was a birthday— it was a birthday box.

You gotta get it.

So it was super cute. And I— the lesson is that I want her to let things roll off of her. I want her to let things go down the drain. So when I'm in the shower, I like to just try to like let it all go.

That's—

I should start.

I'm gonna do that. That's a good idea.

And even if you like use your hands, you don't have to be in the shower, and just like push things to the ground, like I'm letting this go. Like physically telling yourself I'm letting this go. And in the shower it's even more symbolic because you're like, it's going down the drain. So my mom tells me to blow things to the wind, and I love—

okay, I haven't heard that.

I love that she, she'll say to me, just blow it to the wind. Like I'll be upset, yeah, like I'll be upset about something and she'll say that to me. Well, I'm telling Lily to let it go down the drain.

I get it.

So, so number 2, super easy again, is where do you get dressed? Well, of course it's her bedroom, and there she finds a new light pink tank top. And she had a list for me. I love that she had a list for me. Yes. And the lesson is that, you know, I love what she puts into herself. I love what she puts into like her appearance. And like, I don't want her to be superficial, but I like that she takes pride in how she leaves the house, what she's wearing. I told her in this vlog that my Grandma Ray wouldn't leave the house without makeup. Now, I don't ever want her to feel that way. I just think it's hysterical. My grandma really took pride in her appearance. But I also— my lesson that I wrote is that I want her to remember that being beautiful inside, yes, is even more important than being beautiful outside. And when you're beautiful inside, your outside is even prettier. Amen to that, right?

Yes, you want to be an ugly, beautiful person.

Okay, so clue number 3: mirror, mirror on my wall, whose birthday is it after all? Well, I was hoping that she would just go straight to her vanity, which she did, because it's got a mirror that she looks in all the time.

I remember building that.

So she found a— I got her a package of gold earrings, and, you know, I want her— the lesson is I want her I want her to look in her mirror and I want her to talk to herself kindly. I don't want criticism to come out. I want it to be a good place for her where she's talking kindly to herself and I want her to be her own best cheerleader. And I said, and when you're putting earrings in your ears, which she does every day, multiple holes in her ears, I want her to remember that it's super important to listen to people. So those were— so I wanted to attach—

two ears and one mouth.

Yes, yes, I just read that today. Exactly. Okay, clue number 4. You and Max fight over this room. Well, the kids' bathroom. So I have a bathroom. Seth and I—

thank you for including me.

It's my bathroom.

It is really yours.

No, I share it with you. Seth and I have a bathroom. And the kids have a bathroom upstairs, and sometimes they'll push each other to go to our bathroom. But Max and Lily tend to fight over our— we really need one more bathroom upstairs.

We do.

So I feel like Max needs his own bathroom in his own bedroom, and he would just live in there.

But, um, get rid of the closet.

No, I'm not getting rid of the closet, but Anyways, there's a face— she loves face masks, so she found a face mask in the kids' bathroom. And what my lesson is, is I don't want her to put on a mask with people. I want her to be real with people. I want her to be her real authentic self.

I love that you're relating the presence of the lessons and the clue. That's super cool.

Well, I started to think about the mask. It started with the mask, and I was like, I don't want her to wear a mask with people. And that's where the whole the whole blog came from, because I want her to know that her real friends will love her for being her real self. Yes. So if, if someone doesn't love her, then it's not a true friend.

People who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind.

Exactly. So clue number 5 is your sweet sister lets you borrow this all the time. And Ella is the sweetest. You all, if you follow me, you know how sweet she is. She lets Lily borrow whatever clothes she wants. She's super giving and sweet. Lily could take a lesson from her in that. There, and in there, she found a wristlet that she asked for, like a little wallet thing. And I wanted to focus on the lesson is— I was going to talk about being responsible with money, which her father would love.

Yes, if we could curb her apple pay habit, that'd be great.

So is it out of control? I should probably monitor it.

Yeah, the person who keeps giving it to her.

So the lesson is that your sister will always be your sister and you're very lucky to have her. She could appreciate her sister more.

Yes.

And I always wanted one, so like, to me, I'm like, I always wanted a sister, so to me I'm like, treasure your sister, you're lucky to have her. Okay, clue number 6.

Do you need a wristlet?

If you need a big huge— yes, I do. If you need a big huge sweatshirt, where should you go? Well, the answer is she is super lucky to have a big brother who has very big sweatshirts that she loves to steal. So you see that Lily likes to steal Ella's clothes, she likes to steal Max's clothes, but she doesn't want them to touch her clothes because she's very possessive of her own stuff.

Yes, she doesn't like the shower.

So what I wanted her to know, so she's got this wonderful big brother who is, you know, very good to both of the girls, very protective, very sweet. And the lesson here is that I wanted her to know that her family is her safe space. So her mom, her dad, her brother, her sister were here to help her, support her, guide her, protect her. And she can always come to us. So that is the lesson. And for those of you who are tuning in, you missed lots of good lessons, but we're moving on to clue number 7, is a table full of love by the front door. And there she found, so we have by the front door is a bunch of pictures, bunch of family pictures. So I sent her to the table of love by the front door is what I called it. And there she found a picture frame with a picture, and I wanted her to learn the lesson that I want her to treat— I actually, I actually printed a picture of her and her boyfriend. I don't know if you have seen it.

I have not seen the picture.

Um, so she was very excited that I did that for her. I thought that was a little cute sentiment and I said, I want you to treat your friends, your boyfriend, your family how you would want to be treated. And I want her to remember that, and I want her to remember to balance her time among all of her loved ones, you know, friends, family, etc. So clue number 8: We often find you practicing here, and that is the playroom. The playroom has become the workout room where Max and Lily work out, and I— the lesson in that, she did find— where I'm not telling them what she's finding. I guess I did. I did the picture frame. I missed some of them. There was a cheerleader necklace that she found, and I got her some bracelets that she wanted that she found in the playroom. And the lesson is that I love that she works out and takes care of her body. And oh, what did I miss?

Corey says, thought about you guys today. One of my co-workers was telling me about how he missed his son's 90-yard kickoff return because his wife wanted to stop and chat with friends on the way into the game. Oh my goodness. Yeah, I would not be happy. I would be—

Corey, I would be in so much trouble. Okay, honey, when you take off and you run to go sit and watch the game, I will never give you a hard time again.

Oh, Cory, you are my hero. Thank you.

If he misses something good like this, he's gonna be so mad at me. Um, Cory, Max—

we got what, 4 games left?

Max played the entire last game. They won by 1 point. It was a crazy game. Cory would have loved it. My brother Cory also would have loved it. And Max was exhausted and sore after that game. That was—

He's still sore.

I think he's still sore. Okay, so she finds the, she goes to the playroom where she works out. She finds the bracelets. And my lesson is that I love that I see her taking care of herself. I want her to move her body every day and I want her to always do this for herself. Clue number 9, head for a quick snack and don't let these get thrown out the window. Do you know what this is?

Baby M&M's. Do you want to tell them the short version of that story?

When we were driving, when Lily was on a road trip, so Lily was little in a car seat, I think.

Yeah. And she did—

she whipped the M&M's at me.

She had the little mini M&M's, and yes, she was being very rude and I think disrespectful, and I think she threw them at you in a tantrum, and then I grabbed them and threw them out the wind— through the container, out the window. And she was like, no, my baby M&Ms! We have to turn around, we have to stop and go get them, they're on the side of the road. And I will— I have never ever lived that down. And to this day, we still talk about— she's like, there's still baby M&Ms on that road somewhere, we gotta go back.

She still talks about it. She was very upset that he threw them out the window.

Oh, so ever since then we get her baby M&M's.

I got her baby M&M's.

So cute.

And the lesson that you can guess that goes along with the last lesson is that I, I'm happy to get her. She got Starbucks and Crumble after school. She had cake after dinner.

I tell you, I want to come back as your kid in our next life. I mean, what the heck?

It's, it's her birthday. Like, let's have some fun.

A lot of fun.

So as much as I love that she's eating M&M's and cake, the lesson is that most of the time we should not be eating that stuff. And I want her to, you know, keep eating her veggies and have moderation. So clue number 10, go find the new item that we bought recently. And that is a big rug in the family room where she found an L necklace that I got her. And what I said was the lesson here is I want her, I love that she works hard and she plays hard and I wanted her to treat herself like gold. So I'm trying to teach her work hard, play hard, be good to yourself.

Yes.

Almost done. Clue number 11. Go throw on some shoes and a coat, it's chilly. This is funny.

Yeah, we have this fight.

We have this fight.

Get a coat. Nope, I don't need a coat.

So I bought her a coat. I spent a lot of money on this coat.

I was going to say.

And then I thought to myself, she's never going to wear it. I thought to myself, why are you doing this when she gives you a hard time about wearing coats? But anyways, she goes in the mudroom and she finds the shoes that she asked for and her new cheerleading coat. That wasn't cheap.

So I said to her, yes, so maybe she'll actually wear it because it's cool.

So when she went to the mudroom, number 12 was just like a birthday whatever with my blog for her to read, uh, so there was not like a 12th clue. So she loved— she got these little tan booties, she got a cheer coat. She loves the cheer coat. I said, listen, girl, This chair coat was not cheap. Can you actually wear it?

Which team was this?

WJS. All right, so, um, that was her scavenger hunt.

That's epic. The only one I think that might have been— didn't have 12 clues. The only one I might have liked better is the one I did for you at the Eastern Hills Mall that ended in you finding a diamond ring.

It was a pink, pink sapphire ring.

Thank you. So I get all the jewelry I bought you confused.

So I do scavenger hunts for every single kid birthday. I have not done one for Seth. Have I ever done a scavenger hunt? You didn't want one. I think I asked you.

I'm all right. Okay, I might be a little bit jealous, but I'm all right. You don't have to do it if you want a scavenger hunt.

I'll give you a scavenger hunt anyway. So anyways, So I do scavenger hunts for the kids. They request them. They request them for Valentine's Day. Um, I'm surprised they haven't requested anything for Halloween, but that's a whole nother thing. But, um, one day Seth decided it was my turn. Yes. And he surprised me, and I showed up at the Eastern Hills Mall when it was open, back when it was open.

Yes, back in the day.

And he had a whole scavenger hunt set up for me at the mall that was like her clue was at different stores, and the store people, the store workers were in on it. They were waiting for her. I can't even believe you did that. That's like— I wish— I know this sounds really ridiculous, but I wish we had had TikTok then because I would have recorded the whole thing and I would still have it because I didn't video it. Like, now I video things more.

I thought you videoed something. I don't think— I think we had— oh, it might have been on your old Facebook account, but I seem to remember— I remember videoing parts of it because I know I videoed you walking into Amy's Gems and getting the ring.

Maybe you did, maybe you did. That was probably the best scavenger hunt ever.

Thank you, I learned from you. I never would have thought of that on my own.

You could do it again.

Oh, oh, the mall's closed.

Oh, that would have been so fun with Lily today at the mall. Why didn't I think of that?

You know how much work— I think you would have gotten way before. How would you have gone to the Galleria, done it?

She would have had to do it after school.

We went to dinner, right? I mean, that took a lot of work. Like, I went to every store the day before, said who's working the next morning, who's working.

Why didn't you go the day of and talk to the people who were working there?

I did that, that morning.

I did both, right? But why did you go the day before? Why wouldn't you go the day of?

I did both.

Okay, Tanner, no, I don't really understand that, but we don't need to. We don't need to.

I'm not as an act— that was my one and only scavenger hunt. I am not a pro that you are.

Um, I don't really like take them places though. I think Ella did go to the mall once for her scavenger hunt. I think I did take Ella to the mall once.

Okay.

Um, you don't remember?

I don't, but I believe that you would.

I think we did. Okay, so anyways, that was the birthday scavenger hunt. Those were the 12 lessons, 11 lessons, whatever. It was really fun to make. You can go read the details at whiningpluza.com, and we have our October challenge going on in our Whiny Pluza Mom group on Facebook. So come find us and join it and bring your friends. Just a supportive community for us to discuss all things parenting and marriage. And I give away prizes and we all support each other. And I love the tips that I get. I love to give tips, get tips, give advice, ask for advice, all the things. And this Friday on the podcast is Holly Swenson, and I'm not gonna remember her book title. That's the title of the podcast is like Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow. Yes, Tanner, stop. So I think that I—

isn't that also the title of the book?

Well, I took the title of the book to make the title of the podcast.

Got it.

We've talked about this.

Yes, I'm sorry.

So that is the title of the topic. That's the title of her book and and you will love her, you will learn from her.

And, um, honey, go to wendyblueser.com, find the Linktree, check out all of Rebecca's amazing materials including the 3 times a week free email newsletter that is growing every single day. And make sure whatever platform you're listening or watching this to on, you please like, rate, review, share, and subscribe.

And, um, think about— I always think about like who needs to hear this So if you have a friend to share this with, share it with a friend. And, um, I would love to hear your birthday traditions. What do you do for birthdays? I love to— I feel like birthdays for us is food, fun, and a scavenger hunt for the kids. But we really didn't have any time for fun because she was in school all day, and then we went out to dinner. Right.

So scavenger hunt was fun.

School days are challenging for birthdays, I think.

Yeah.

I didn't even think to let her stay home from school because she had so much fun at school with everybody saying happy birthday to her. There's your fun, you know. So I don't know, it worked out.

She's happy.

Yes. So that is Lily's birthday in a nutshell, and hopefully she had a good birthday. I cannot believe she's 12. I don't know how you feel.

Just yesterday.

Didn't we just bring her home yesterday?

Yes.

So happy October, everybody, and have a fantastic week. And happy New Year to everybody celebrating. And we will see you next week.

Happy Winey Palooza.

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