Episode 387: What my 12-year-old is learning from Cheerleading

Hello everyone. Happy Whiny Blues Wednesday.

Happy Whiny Blues Wednesday.

How is everybody doing? Are we on time today? We are. Oh my gosh. I gotta spend time fixing my hair.

Your hair is fabulous. Cut it out.

So we had such a good weekend.

We did.

That I had to talk about it. Let's talk about our weekend.

Let's talk about it.

So Lily had her first cheer competition of the season, and this was the first time that I was really nervous and had like the butterflies in my stomach.

I didn't know you were nervous.

Oh my God, my stomach hurt.

Why were you so nervous? They're awesome.

Because my dad turned to me and said, they That was really good to the team that went on right before them. And I was like, Dad, don't say—

Were you— wait, so you were nervous just then or were you nervous like the whole time?

Um, I was nervous, but I like— my stomach started hurting right before they went on. I got really nervous for them. And I think that like I was thinking to myself, okay, let it go well, let all the stunts hit, let everything go smoothly, let them get all the timing right. Cheerleading is so intricate. Yes. Like You have to, you have to nail your stunts, you have to nail your pyramids, you have to nail your dance, everyone has to be in sync. Like, there's so— like the tumbling, all the kids have to get their tumbling. There's just so much that goes into it, and I know from experience everything that goes into it, and I was just like, it was the first time that I was really nervous.

Okay.

I needed some experience. This year. So they were fantastic. I mean, I had someone tell me that they got chills watching them. I just, I just can't even tell you how fantastic they were. And they got first place in their division and they got grand champion of the whole thing. So that was amazing. So I wanted to like, I wanted to reflect on how they got there and what Lily's learning and how did they get to this fantastic moment. And I want to start with telling you that Lily asked me back in the spring to do both cheer teams. She was on this team, competitive cheer team. Well, it's like rec competitive.

It's not— it's supposed to be a rec team, but it's more of a competitive travel competitive cheer team.

Okay, so she's been on this team, but she now can do school cheer. So she said, I want to add school I'm a school cheer and I want to try out.

And a lot of these lessons you're about to learn apply to life, not just cheer.

Yes. And I said to Lily, let me think about it because it's a commitment for me too and it makes me nervous for several reasons.

How are you going to get to all two cheer teams practices? All that.

So then a month went by and she was like, no, I really want to try out for both. Like, let me do both. Sign me up. Did you sign me up yet? Did you sign me up for WJF? Are you going to let me try out for school, like, I gotta do this stuff, like, let's go. And she was showing me commitment, and she was showing me that she really wanted to do it because she kept bringing it up. So Seth and I discussed it, and I took a leap of faith, and I signed her up for both. And I was like, I don't know how the schedule is going to pan out. If you know anything about cheerleading, I want to explain to you that they are very big on your attendance, very strict. And the reason that they're strict about attendance is if you're playing basketball or football or volleyball or golf— well, golf doesn't really apply— but if you're playing a team sport, usually someone can fill in for you, right? But when you're doing cheerleading, you are in that stunt, you are in that formation, and if someone is absent, practicing sucks.

Can't do it. You can't lift somebody up if you're not there to lift them up. You can't lift them up with one foot.

So both teams— she's coming home from practice and she's like, oh my God, they're both saying you have to attend and you have to be there. So I held my breath and I checked the schedule and I was like, okay, I think we can do this. School cheer is right after school, the other cheer team's at night, I think we can do this. And I, I realized something while I was stressing out. I realized that I was stressing out all by myself and I wasn't talking to any of the other moms. And two of the other moms were also doing two teams. So why do I repeatedly worry and stress by myself?

You are not alone.

When I could be talking to other moms and asking for advice and asking for support and wondering how they are feeling. So here we are, it's September and both cheer teams are in full force and she's going. I'm like, Seth, how is she gonna do homework? And did we make the right decision? And I'm stressing and I'm like, how am I gonna do all of this? I just was feeling— it was the first summer in a long time that I was feeling so stressed out because I didn't know how this was gonna pan pan out. And what frustrates me about myself, and I really try to teach this to myself and other people, is that I was in full-blown stress mode over the summer over stuff that I didn't know anything about. I didn't know if Lily could handle it. I didn't know if I— if the schedule was gonna overlap. I didn't know that it was going to be stressful, but here I am in the summer stressing about things that I know nothing about. So, what if I waited to stress and said, "Okay, okay self, put the stress, like, in the back burner and wait until you know anything to stress because you're wasting so much time and energy stressing about something that you know nothing about." Just had this conversation with Ella in the car ride home and she has decided that she's gonna reserve her judgment and hold her emotional horses.

Until she knows about something for sure, and then she's going to ask for what she wants if it's not already given to her.

Okay, well, when we're done, you can tell me details about that conversation because I'm super confused.

It's all good.

But thank you for giving our daughter advice and picking her up from dance. Yes, I am going to tell you that I spent hours worrying for nothing. I want to tell you how much time and energy I wasted. And stress. Like, why did I put myself through that? The schedules are pretty much working out. The games don't conflict, the competitions don't conflict. Um, what else?

Do you have a competition schedule from the high school yet?

No.

Okay.

But when Lily has competitions for WJF, it doesn't conflict with anything for school.

Yes, correct.

And I'm gonna knock on some wood because it's been going well. And not only is the schedule going well, but she is getting her homework done, getting good grades, which I'm checking, going to these practices with a smile on her face, getting in better shape, and enjoying it, right?

Yes, she's having a blast.

I mean, I think that the lesson for me— and then we're gonna do the lessons that Lily's learning— is that I repeatedly underestimate her, and it's partly because she's the baby Because I expect— oh, my poor son. I'm gonna have to have a conversation with him. I expect so much from Max, so much. And don't underestimate him because I know what he's capable of. So I hold Max to this huge high standard. He's like, he's like, Mom, I don't feel good. Oh, you're fine, go to practice, you're fine. Like, if it was Lily, would I be like, honey, are you okay?

I don't know, I don't know.

But But like, poor Max. I'm like, you're fine, you're fine, shake it off.

Put some super glue on that wound.

So Max is the oldest. Max is the firstborn. Max is responsible and hardworking and successful, and I expect so much from him. And then the baby, I need to realize, is super capable and responsible and hardworking and all of the things.

Yes.

Do you underestimate her or is it just me? It's probably just me.

I don't know how to— I'm not sure about that question.

Okay, so I learned a lesson. Your plate is on the stove. Thanks. Okay, so Max is home from football and dinner is served at 9:15 at night. So here we go, let's jump into what is Lily learning from cheerleading. I think that probably much more than what I wrote down, but you can read the full blog at winaplusa.com. I wrote it all out. I'm going to give you a brief synopsis, and I'm going to tell you that number one— I think, I think I know what number one is— that teamwork is everything. And Lily is learning that together they can achieve such greatness. And that alone you can achieve greatness, but when you put all the cheerleaders together, holy cow, you can accomplish so much. And she's learning how to work with them and how to get these major routines to come to life. I mean, do you want to say anything about that? They're supporting each other, they're lifting each other up, they're literally encouraging— they're literally lifting each other up, but they're encouraging each other. They have bad days, there's so many tears. Lily gets in the car and she's like, so-and-so cried, so-and-so cried, so-and-so fell. Like, there's so much love and support going on, and I know that you learn that in every sport, but man, is she learning it. Yes. Okay, she's gaining so much confidence. Do you see this? Yes. She started off and she was like, uh, my jumps are okay, and I'm okay, and I'm learning. Like, she's so hard on herself. I can't imagine where she gets that from.

No idea.

And then she started to see— so she came home from practice, one of the first practices, and the coach was like, um, like, if you know this, come to the front. If you don't know this, go to the back. And Lily, freaking Lily, goes to go to the back, and the coach is like, oh no, Lily, get up here!

I know you know this.

You get up front here. So she's gaining confidence. She's seeing that the coach expects greatness of her and sees greatness in her. And it's, you know, and I have to thank her coach for that. Her coach might not hear this, but she's bringing out so much in Lily with her coach pushes her so much in a good way. And it's so good for her. Don't make fun of me. So Lily is coming down and mimicking me right now. Teenagers, resilience in the face of setbacks. Lily, you're funny. So they stumble, they fall, they drop a girl, they miss a step, they— they mess up a part of the routine, mess something up, they're not all in sync, they're having an off day. The coach is like, come on, girls, And they come out stronger. It may— they, they keep pushing and they keep going, and they see that resilient— that they need to be resilient through it and get through it together. And I can't believe the resilience that she has learned through cheerleading. Do you see that?

Yeah, I mean, last year the music cut out in our middle of their competition, and they literally finished the routine without any music, just counted it out.

It was amazing. It was amazing. I think that when the music— because that happened again.

Yeah, not to our team, different team in the same DJ.

2 or 3 other teams had that problem. I think that they should stop and get to start over, right?

But then you delay everything and it wasn't their fault and blah blah blah.

And oh well, I don't know, you gotta yell at the DJ. Okay, let's talk about time management. This is huge, like holy crap. Uh, we had a conversation today. See, she's learned. And she said to me, I know today's my day off. Wednesday is her day off this season. And she's like, and I know I need to get a ton of homework done today. So Lily and I have had the conversation that you have to look at your week. So what I love— teachers, teachers, teachers, I'm gonna tell them this at conferences— I love that you give something on Monday that's due on Friday. I love that so much because these kids have sports and they have activities and they have clubs and they know that Monday's a heavy day and Tuesday's a light day. So, we better do a lot on Tuesday because we're not going to have time on Monday. So, she's learning to balance. Okay, I want friend time and homework time and cheer time. It's a skill that she will take with her forever to help her be successful. I mean, these are skills that you learn in sports that take you so far in life.

100%.

And I don't think it's just sports. I think clubs would apply to this too.

Anything that takes time and perseverance.

Okay, let's talk about pushing past comfort zones. So her coach will get an idea like, we're gonna do this new stunt, or we're gonna do this new routine, or you're going to condition today. Like, you all need to get in better shape. And she got in the car and she's like, Mom, I was at the front of the line when we were running. She's like, do you know how good that felt? She ran on that— she was off of cheerleading tonight, but she ran on the treadmill, and she's been running on the treadmill, and it's making her in such better shape for cheerleading. And I just cannot—

I cannot believe that story. I didn't know that happened because She was worried because way back when she was at the back of the line.

Well, she didn't like being at the back of the line, and she didn't like huffing and puffing, so she started running on the treadmill, and now she's at the front of the line.

That's awesome.

You know, I have noticed that Lily is developing leadership skills, and she is hysterical. She got in the car last night and she was like, I I told her to go spit out her gum, and I told her that she needs to be in this position because she has to be able to be out of my way so that I can catch my flyer. Like, she takes charge and she knows what needs to happen, and she's learning how to lead, and she's also learning how to be a good example.

That's awesome.

Did you know that?

I did not.

You're learning stuff tonight.

I appreciate this.

Okay, she's handling the freaking pressure. Oh my God, here I am in my chair, like, I'm like back and forth and back and forth and rubbing my stomach, and I'm like, oh my God, the stress, just come out here and perform. And like, they have to deal with the pressure of performing at a competition. It is so different than being at a football game and being a cheerleader.

Oh my goodness, night and day.

So like being a foot— being at a football game and cheering is just like fluff and fun for her.

Yeah, nobody cares.

I mean, she has a ball and she loves it, but the competition is like the serious business and she is out there and she is focused and she is locked in and she is ready and she's learning how to deal with pressure.

Absolutely.

And that is going to pay off with so many things, including tests. Yeah, that's gonna make her a better test taker. The importance of positivity. These girls are constantly lifting each other up, and I see that, you know, cheerleaders are known for their positivity and their energy, and that is something that they can then take to every other facet of their life, and then they can be more energetic and more and more positive in other areas of their life, and they can help lift other people up. So they're lifting up people watching them, people at the football games, like they're lifting people up, and they learn how to do that in life.

I would agree.

You looked like you were gonna say something.

Oh, sorry.

Okay, celebrating wins both big and small. So I love that she will get in the car and be like, that was a really good practice, like, I'm really proud of us, like, we had a really good practice today. Or she'll get in the car and be like, we nailed a stunt, we were on fire. I mean, there's days where she's like, that was a shitty practice. But, but they're learning to celebrate as they're going, and not just celebrate that they won at the competition, but they're learning to celebrate steps along the way, the intermediary goal. Yes, and that's something that I want us to do every day. I have been lifting weights and I feel myself getting stronger, and I'm able to lift heavier weights, and I did my workout today and I was so proud of myself, and I'm like, you have come so far. Like, every step of the way, we have to celebrate, you know? So like, I might have a goal, but I'm celebrating along the journey to my goal. There's, there's intermediary goals, as Seth says, and there is like the overarching achievement. But as we're working towards something like winning a competition celebrating along the way is gonna help us.

Builds momentum.

And that's gonna build— that's gonna be something that I want her to take with her to every part of her life. So I'm seeing that the awesome stuff that she's learning is fabulous for cheerleading, but she's gonna take this with her for life and be more successful. So finally, and most important if you ask me, is that she's learning that hard work pays off.

Amen.

I want to talk about this hard work for a second. Oh, she is going from one practice for an hour or two to another practice for a couple hours. And she— and you know, she got in the car yesterday and she was like, we did— did she say 30 burpees? So she was at her first practice and she did her she did her practice and she did her whatever conditioning they had to do. And I was like, God, I hope you're up for this next practice. And she's like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm ready. And she sees that the determination and the hard work from every single day led to the result on Sunday.

Absolutely.

So I see that my hard work is paying off, she sees that her hard work is paying off, and I I constantly see people say that you need to choose your hard, and you want to choose a hard that's going to get you where you want to go. You don't want to choose the hard part of eating junk and feeling like crap because it's hard to feel like crap. Like, choose the hard of, it's hard to say no to this brownie, but this apple is going to make me feel really good.

You either have the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

So I mean, I'm just like astounded by this season and how hard she— like, I'm watching her grow as an athlete and a person and as a person, and it's really wonderful to see. Like, I'm really enjoying it. Yes. And I just want to encourage everybody, your kid doesn't have to be a fantastic athlete. I don't care if it's a— I don't care if they join a sport just because they want to be a part of it and they want to stand on the sidelines and be a part of the team. I don't care if they love art and they want to join an art club or they want to join a special chorus group, but help your kids find things that they can be a part of because being a part of something is so important for so many reasons. And then they learn fantastic skills that they'll take with them in life, in every facet of their life. So that is a bunch of important lessons that Lily is learning from cheerleading, and I wanted to share with you, and I wanted to focus on this because I'm still on a high days later. We have another competition this weekend. I hope that they do as freaking awesome as they did at their first competition, and I'm excited. I'm excited to see the routine again. I'm excited to see Where is Lily at the end of this season? She's doing 2 cheer teams. When these 2 cheer teams end, I want to see what— at what fantastic place she's at.

Can't wait.

So good job, Lily. Do you hear how proud we are of you? Yes, queen. So That is our topic of the week. I want to please encourage you to reach out to me and let me know what topics you would like and what would interest you, what would help you. Is there something that you think is important to share that has helped you that would help other parents? And let's move to talking about the podcast for a minute. If you have a podcast guest that you want to encourage me to have on. I always welcome your ideas. I welcome having you on if you have a specific topic that you think would help people. And this Friday is Carrie Rickert, and she is going to talk about how trauma is a catalyst. She's going to talk about her trauma and the amazing things that came out of it. Um, so impressed by this lady. You're gonna love her and you're gonna learn from her. And I recorded a bunch of awesome podcasts with fantastic women that you're gonna love that are coming up. And I just ended my October challenge in my Wine Inclusa Mom group, and the prize that I ordered should have arrived today for the winner. So hopefully she got it and enjoys it. And what else, Seth?

Make sure to go to winniepalooza.com, check out the Linktree for all of Rebecca's amazing resources, including her 3 times a week awesome email newsletter that is growing every single day. And then with all of her content, please like, comment, share, rate, review, and subscribe.

So share this with a friend, share this with someone you think would enjoy it, share it with a cheerleader, share, share it with a cheerleader mom or a cheerleader coach. And, um, a big, like, so much appreciation to all the coaches out there. I see how many hours they put in, and I see how much they're teaching the girls. And I realized what's lacking in my blog is I didn't talk about the coaching at all. And I really truly appreciate her coaches. And please sign up for the newsletter and join the group and do all the things. And thank you for joining us, and we will be back next week with a new topic.

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

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