Episode 408: The Five Love Languages for Valentine's Day

Hey, um, I'm a little tired. The nerve of me not doing my list of work and playing hooky.

And I think you didn't even play hooky enough.

I didn't. You're right. I tried. I kind of—

you twitched a little bit.

I kind of succeeded. Well, I had stuff due today and tomorrow. Yes, that I probably should have done yesterday.

Yes.

I need to be more planful like that.

Yes, you have to plan to be spontaneous.

I have to plan to play hooky.

Yes, that's right.

I gotta make a plan.

Yes.

And doesn't he look handsome in his new Valentine sweater?

Thanks to my wonderful wife. You picked out fabulously.

I had fun picking you out some stuff.

You picked me out some great stuff.

Um, the ironic thing is that I was just telling my friends that it's hard to buy Seth stuff because he buys himself stuff. Stuff before I can buy it. And then I came home and what did you tell me that you bought for you? No, what did you tell me that you bought that I wanted to buy you for your birthday?

Oh, I— you're talking about the cold plunge?

Yes.

Oh yes, that was like a day or two ago, right?

Well, they don't know that.

Okay, sorry.

Yes, so giving Seth gifts is not always easy because—

okay, I wouldn't have bought myself a sweater. Okay, I would not have bought myself heated gloves.

Okay.

Those were great choices.

Yeah, I, I'm— I work to be creative and beat you to finding things that you didn't find for yourself, but I did not beat him to the cold plunge.

True. So, um, I should be here tomorrow or Friday. You're gonna go in it? You're gonna freeze with me? Yeah, well, we've got to take turns, but—

well, we're both not gonna fit in there.

No, no, no, no, it's one person.

Well, happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.

We hope that you got to spend some time with loved ones. And what I love about Valentine's Day— and Seth is not going to agree with me on this— but I love that they have made it— and I'm saying they because whoever markets Valentine's Day, there's always a they, there's always a they— it's not just about your romantic partner, it is also about the people that you love in your life. I'm not trying to argue with that, and there's no reason I wouldn't like And it's fun to give gifts and cards and flowers and thoughtful things to friends.

Well, you like to spread joy every day, so it's right up your alley.

That's so sweet. Well, a lot of people will say to me it's a commercialized holiday and they don't— and I view it completely the opposite, and I view it like it's just another excuse to show some love.

Yes, and you never need an excuse, but it's nice that you have a socially acceptable one that people don't think you're crazy for doing.

Thank you, honey.

I think it's supposed to be a compliment.

I think that, um, yeah, I like to show love. I hope that you showed the love and received the love. I'm feeling the love today. Um, my— we're going to talk about love languages. My wonderful husband—

that's me—

planned a surprise date.

Yes.

And it was fun to have him come home from work, to get in the car and to take off and not know where he was taking me.

Yeah.

And the next thing I know, we were downtown trying a new restaurant neither of us had ever been to before. So, yeah, it's fun to restaurant jump. I like to restaurant jump. I've been wanting to go back to Tempo, so we should check that out.

Okay.

And yeah, so it's hard, it's challenging because it's easier for us to do lunch dates and a lot of places aren't open for lunch, which is very challenging.

Darn COVID.

Is that what it is, or is it—

they all shut down, they never came back for lunch after COVID. I don't know if they couldn't get the staff or if they didn't want to anymore, but yeah, because the places we would go down the street, like Black and Blue or Giancarlo's, both used to be open for lunch. I used to go to Black and Blue all the time.

So Black and Blue is no longer open for lunch.

Every day.

Okay, well, very annoying. So I have noticed in talking to as many women as I talk to that women are not necessarily receiving love the way that they want, and men aren't necessarily receiving love the way that they want. But we don't necessarily tell our spouse what we want. I think sometimes we don't even know what we want.

No, I used to express love to you the way I wanted to receive love, and it did not work for you because it wasn't your love language.

Well, and I think that, you know, let's go over the love languages, and I want to answer that.

Okay, it wasn't a question, but it's a fact. I did—

it's a fact that I want to answer.

Okay, silly me.

Okay, so words of affirmation: you are so beautiful. Acts of service: I did the dishes. Gifts?

I bought you Tiffany's.

Quality time?

We went on a date.

Physical touch?

I would have liked to touch you more.

I want to tell you that this has to be PG appropriate.

Touch, touch, touch.

And I forgot to warn you, you got lots of kisses today.

I did get lots of kisses.

You got lots of kisses and hand-holding.

Yes. So we were in a public place.

Oh my God, stop. Okay, so those are the 5 love languages. There is a book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Really good, go get it. And I think it really helped our marriage. Yes, because I think what Seth and I discovered that he mentioned was we were showing each other love how we wanted to receive love. Yeah, but we weren't finding out how the other wanted to receive the love.

Correct.

I hope that made sense how I said it.

It does.

So Seth was offering me words of affirmation, which I do love, and I was offering him acts of service. And then he said to me one day, um, thank you for cooking dinner, but like, I don't feel loved when you do that stuff. Like, I show love through food, and he's like, well, I don't want you to show love through food, right?

Right. Or you'd be like, well, I drove the kids around, didn't that count? And I'm like, not— I'm not counting it the way you're counting it. And I would say I told you how— whatever. And you're like, talk is cheap. Like, dude, help me. You're like, do the dishes, have the kids around, go over the Wegmans, help.

So that is completely accurate, and I want to preface that by saying that it's the phase of life that we're in.

Yes.

And I was feeling so chaotic that Seth stepping in— like, Seth stepping in today and saying, I'm gonna drive Ella really helped me because I was toast.

Yes, we had to get her from dance, bring her home, take— get her from voice, bring her home, take her to dance, come home, take her back to dance, go back to dance and get her, come home.

So Mommy Taxi took a little break.

Daddy Taxi kicked in.

Mommy Taxi was home cooking dinner.

Yes.

And Daddy Taxi was driving Ella around.

Yes.

And I appreciate the help. And the phase of life that we're in means that I want acts of service to feel loved because I want to feel like I'm in it with him. And Seth—

you're not alone—

and Seth wants to hear it.

Yes.

But I also want to tell you that I want all of these things, and I think that every— a lot of people will agree with me that you want all of these things. But the quizzes, like, as you read about them and as you take the quiz, like, you learn about yourself and you learn how do I want to receive love, how do my kids want to receive love, how does my spouse want to receive love.

It can change over time. Again, it's on the phase of life that you're Yes, you know, so kids are all out of the house, you may want something else more than acts of service.

So we have talked about this before. How do you think Max feels loved? Because I, I can answer that. Okay, so you don't want to guess?

We've had this conversation and I got it right now. I'm trying to remember.

Um, I'm gonna take a guess and you're gonna tell me if I'm right or wrong. Okay, I think he feels loved through my acts of service. Okay, making him food, doing his laundry, cleaning his room. Okay, putting gas in his car, ice chipping the ice off of his car. I do. Okay, what do you think?

I, I was gonna go for quality time.

Okay, interesting.

Okay, but he does appreciate all your acts of service, so I don't know if that's him feeling— if, if that makes him feel loved. We could ask him, but it would certainly be on, I think, his top 2.

Okay, well, we will certainly have to ask him. Um, I think Ella likes physical touch.

She's easy. Yeah, completely.

Ella likes lots of hugs, right, Ella?

Sure.

You could tell me if you disagree. Oh, she says she's more words of affirmation.

You're fabulous, Ella. Okay, you tell her.

What about Lily? Words?

Interesting.

Quality time?

All of them. She wants all of them all the time.

Our high-maintenance, wonderful diva.

She's fabulous.

She's fabulous. Okay, so I'm gonna ask you, on a scale of 1 to 10, where does words of affirmation fall?

There's only 5. I don't understand what the scale of 1 to 10 is.

Just give me— okay. Oh, you want to number them?

Is that what you were doing?

No, I was getting a rating. Okay, let's number them.

Confused.

Okay, words of affirmation's number 1 for me.

Yes, acts of service are number 1 for you.

Okay, what's number 2 for you?

Um, okay, so words of affirmation number 1, quality time.

Okay, and what is number 3?

Physical touch.

I— okay, I thought that was going to be number 2. What's number 4?

Acts of service.

And gifts are number 5. Yeah, really?

We've only talked about what was number 1 before for us. We haven't ranked them.

Well, I—

this is a live exercise.

I did not want to tell you that I was going to ask you that question.

Ah, I'm put on the spot.

I wanted to put you on the spot.

On the spot.

And I wanted to learn more about you.

Well, you always want to learn more about you— about me, and vice versa.

So I would say, yeah, yeah. Oh, now you want me to rank them?

We've been doing this since our first date. Any question you ask, you have to answer.

So we went on— we went for coffee on our first date, and we started, and we, and we had a list of questions for each other. And Seth said, you're hired. The rule is, yes, that anything you ask me, you also have to Answer.

Yes.

And I did that.

Yes.

What did you think?

I thought, I don't understand, we're still on our first date. What do you mean? What do I—

we're still on our first date. I think today was probably—

you keep looking over. I'm looking at Ella. Oh, okay. What am I missing? I wasn't looking in the mirror.

You don't see Ella?

I do now. I wasn't looking over there.

Um, words of affirmation or—

no, your acts of service is number one.

Service. Quality— oh, I don't know, this is hard. How did you do this?

You just asked me, I answered.

Can I say all of the above?

No, okay, not— you have to rank them.

Acts of service.

Yep.

Quality time.

Okay.

Physical— oh, physical time.

Really?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm pleasantly surprised. We're gonna change it because I said something.

Acts of service. Yeah, quality time.

Yeah.

Oh, see, but the next 3 are hard. They're like tied. I want you to tell me stuff, I want you to buy me stuff, and I want you to touch me. So how am I supposed to rank these? They all make me feel loved.

Well, listen, let's talk about today. You got lots of acts of service.

Yes.

You got words of affirmation. You got quality time. You got multiple gifts, and I touched you. You got all 5 today, right?

But your gift was so thoughtful that it made me feel so loved. So I think it's not just the gift, it's the thought put into the gift.

So I shouldn't— okay, sorry, I was gonna try and say something sarcastic and funny.

No, so you go for it.

So it's only the really good gifts that count? Crappy gifts don't count.

No, all your gifts count, but I could, I could tell how much thought you put into it. Yes, you know, and you gave me a blue box.

Yes, you do, you do. I did. You have a very close relationship with the box.

I think that gifts do make me feel very loved, but I also think that I would rather spend time with you and hear it then get a gift.

Okay, and you got all of the above all in one day.

I got all of these today.

You did.

We put so much in the bank today. Lots of deposits in the bank today. Yes, wouldn't you say?

Yes.

So I, I do want to encourage you to find out how people want to be loved because guessing doesn't work. Maybe your spouse feels loved when you let them have some time to themselves, right? Maybe your spouse feels loved when you plan a date for them. Like, what are they looking for? Do they know what they're looking for? Ask them. Ask them. Say, I want to make you feel more loved, or I want to give you love how you want it. And I think that the biggest lesson in this for us is that we were giving love how we wanted to receive it.

Yep. I didn't even think until we read— until you read that book, I didn't even think that someone would want to receive love differently than I was expressing it, and that I should actually ask and find out what you wanted. So that book is awesome, and thank you for bringing it to us.

I don't even remember how, how it came into our lives, but people talk about it all the time, and I think that it's interesting because I spend a lot of time, you know, like I was trying to think of some gifts to maybe give people today. And I think that what we forget, and again it depends on the person, just a beautiful note could mean so much to someone. Yes, right. And, and I think just spreading love through, you know, my friend said the other day, you should send a card. To, you know, she was saying you should send a card to that person and tell them how much they mean to you. And I was like, can you imagine receiving that card? So it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Love doesn't have to cost a lot of money. A lot of these don't cost money, right? And gifts don't have to cost money. They do not, right? So do you have any last words of advice on this?

I, I think we did a good job covering it.

So my goal for today was to pick winners to the February challenge, and I thought that Valentine's Day is the perfect day to pick winners, don't you think?

Yes. Did you have time to do this?

I did.

Oh, okay. This is one of the things you did get done. Okay, awesome.

So I had a list of work stuff that probably should have gotten done today, but we're not going to talk about that. Okay, we're going to talk about the fact that I did. I went to So your answers to the— if you don't know, there's a Whiny Clues a Mom group on Facebook. Come join the supportive community with us, and you can talk about challenges, successes, ask for advice, give advice. Come join us, bring a friend. And we did a challenge for February, the February Valentine Love Challenge, and I looked at the answers today. I have looked at the answers many times because They're really good answers and comments, and I love— thank you to everybody who took part in it. It was so much fun, as it is always. I do it every month. So on the Love Languages day— am I driving you nuts with the pen?

No, I need to write something down.

Okay, on the day that I asked about love languages, that was the challenge question. The two answers were from Julianne and Nikki. So we're gonna give Julianne and Nikki February Valentine prizes for answering the love languages question.

See, participation trophies, you win by participating.

So people answered lots of other days, but for whatever reason they skipped this day, and sometimes my questions get 20 answers and sometimes they get 2. So the 2 people who answered this question are my winners.

Yay!

And I will give you Valentine prizes. And listen to the podcast.

Do you know who's coming?

I did not check who was coming.

All right.

I'm sure it's someone fabulous because I've had so many awesome interviews, and I have another one tomorrow with a bullying expert. Awesome. So that's exciting. What were you gonna say?

I can't wait to listen to it.

Yes, that is gonna be it. That is a great topic. I'm excited for this. I love all of them. Some of them I get more excited for. This is one of those. So listen to the podcast, please. Share it with a friend who you think would benefit from it. And what else, Seth? The newsletter.

Yes, comment on one of Rebecca's posts that has, or go to the link and sign up for the free multiple times a week parenting and marriage newsletter.

So on the website is the Linktree.

Yes, on the Linktree is a link to the newsletter.

So at winiepulsa.com, there is a Linktree with all of my links.

Yes.

Including the newsletter. So you can find everything in one place. The blog is there.

The moms group.

Yes. So come find me. Thank you for joining us today. I hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day. I hope you did something with a loved one, something for yourself, and I hope you have a wonderful week.

Thanks for joining Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green family.

Bye everyone! Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

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