Episode 418: Embracing Body Positivity

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

I forgot to go grab the book. I wanted to talk to them about the book before we talked about the topic.

Oh, okay. We want me to go get the book?

No, it's okay. You see my news? If you're watching— some of you are going to listen to this— if you are watching, check out my new sweater. I feel like a superhero doing that.

This is your Fourth Wing Iron Flame, Onyx Storm's dragon sweater.

Yes. Who has read Onyx Storm? Tell me.

Don't give me any spoilers, I just started it.

So I finished it, Seth started it. What I really want to do is I want to read them all again and I want to listen to them all because I have a feeling that listening to these books would be amazing.

The audiobook version.

If you have listened to forthrowing Iron Flame, Onyx Storm on audiobook. Tell me your thoughts. I want to hear. I want to hear if you're reading it, if you finished it. I didn't mean to hijack the, the live with, uh, talking about Onyx Storm, but wow, that was the best book. I can't wait to hear your thoughts.

I'm reading it.

Okay, well, keep me posted. We just finished the Throne of Glass series. Yes. Um, I wasn't impressed. I'm gonna be honest, it did not grab me like Fourth Wing does. So you're gonna have to keep me posted as you read it.

I will keep you posted as I read Onyx Storm. I did— there were books in Throne of Glass that I liked.

Yeah, for sure. I think that the two before the last one were so slow, but there were a bunch of them that were really good.

Yeah, like the first one hooked me.

The first one was good. I liked Assassin's Blade, I liked Throne of Glass. Some of them were really good, some of them were really slow. The one right before the last book was so slow.

Yes, book 6 was very slow.

So as I was getting ready for this, I realized that I was having a hard time. I think that this is a harder topic for me than I think, and I think that the harder the topic is, the more I should push myself to do it. Okay, and I feel that way about money. Like, I started to— you know, you guys know that I'm reading Couples for Money with Seth.

Thank you.

We're both reading it, and I don't know, am I 100 pages in? I think I'm 100 pages in. It might be over 100. I think it's over 200 pages. I'm having a hard time. The beginning I really liked. I liked the first 50 pages. Now I'm having a hard time. So I will push myself through, I will read the book, we will talk about it because it's hard for me. And like I said, I need to talk about the hard things. The things that are easy for me, I don't know if it's as valuable to you. I feel like the hard things might be the topics that I'm supposed to be talking about. So body positivity was a topic request, a really freaking good podcast, or a really good topic request. Um, so thank you for this request. And when I received this, I ran with it. So sometimes I have a topic and I sit at the computer and I struggle, and I'm like, oh, I'm like pulling it out of me. This one I just ran with, so I knew it was good. And I actually was really excited for you to read this one. So if you go to whiningfusa.com, the whole blog is there for you to read. We're gonna talk about it.

Yes.

So I think that this applies to you too. I don't think it's just women. I think, I think our sons and our husbands— I think this applies to everybody. I will tell you that as much as my son was in my mind while I was reading this, this blog is really dedicated to my daughters. And I will make sure that they read this. I don't think either of them have read it yet. But I wrote this for them, with them in mind, with your daughters in mind. And I grew up without body positivity, so that really pushes me to try to give that gift to my daughters. But I cannot tell them to do something that I'm not doing. They're not going to own it. They're gonna see right through me, and I have to do it first, right?

You can't lead someone where you haven't gone.

So one year ago today, I started myself on a journey of really focusing on mindful eating, eating 5 or 6 times a day, eating more protein. Happy anniversary. Getting rid of the sugar. I didn't have sugar for a long time. I still really limit it. And moving my body. So that was a year ago, and I feel like— and I want your perspective on this— I feel like my body, body positivity is in such a better place today than it was a year ago.

I definitely— you definitely criticize yourself less. You definitely are You definitely are more positive about your body, and I think your self-image is definitely improved.

I will tell you that I don't care what you weigh, um, you can be positive today. I mean, I think that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and I think that, um, there isn't one form of beauty, and I think that your beauty is so much more than what you look like.

Amen.

So So why does it matter for parents? Why does it matter for us to have body positivity? I kind of already alluded to this. We have to practice what we preach, okay? So we are going to get children with better self-esteem if we have better self-esteem and if we work on ourselves and if we then teach that to our kids.

Amen.

You agree with that. I wrote that they are not gonna do what we say, they're going to learn by what we are actually doing. And I say that every day to parents. So let's talk about mindful language. This is huge to me. I freak out if I hear the word fat. I freak out if I hear one of my daughter's friends say it. Not— I'm using the wrong word about freaking out. I'll explain. I don't want anybody to use that word. You might think that the F-word is a swear word. No, I'm thinking F-U, that word. Um, I think F-A-T is the F-word that is the swear word. Like, I would so much rather my kids say the other F-word than the F-A-T word.

I did not know that.

Oh my God, it is one of the worst words. I don't want to ever hear anybody say it. I don't want to hear them describe people on TV that way. I don't want them to hear them describe themselves that way. I just want us to remove that word. I think it's so degrading, and I don't want you to call yourself that. And I'm telling you that if you're calling yourself that, then your kids are then doing it. So I am so— I screw up, I'm going to tell you that I screw up. I am so mindful of what I'm saying, what I'm doing, what my children are watching, and I want you to know they're watching when I don't know that they're watching.

So you're talking about them watching you?

Yeah, like I will look in the mirror and be like checking myself out and they're freaking watching me. Like, we need to own our beauty and love ourselves and teach our kids how to do that and be mindful of what we're saying. Like, I love my body, I appreciate my body, thank you body. Gratitude, appreciation. What are we saying? Like, I'm trying to think of something that I have said that's negative. Like, I look fat in this. See, I can't even say it. I hate that word.

You have said that you look tired.

I just said that before we started. I did just say that, didn't I? I think that when we look in the mirror, we need to start talking to ourselves differently. And I purposely will say to myself, like, you look so pretty today, or I like that lipstick. Like, say something nice to yourself. Say it in the mirror. Let your kids hear you. Teach your kids to do that. Oh my gosh, when my girls look in the mirror, I'm like, look at how beautiful you are. You look so beautiful. My daughter just told me that she got rid of her double chin. I'm like, what?

What double chin?

What? Freaking double chin. Oh my—

Neither of them have ever had this issue.

Oh my God. Hey, Mom, I just got rid of my double chin. Well, and the problem is that what they're watching, what they're watching is part of the problem. And in my research on this topic, what I have learned, something that I have learned, is that we have to teach our children that stuff that they're seeing is not actually reality. So like, I forget that I might know something is airbrushed, but like, do my kids know that?

Do they think—

right, do they think that this person has perfect makeup and perfect skin? Do they think that they don't have like anything wrong with them, or do they know that the camera can do this stuff? So the stuff that I have read has said that not only do we have to teach them about the media and what reality is and like demystify it We also want to try to encourage them to read stuff and watch stuff that has different size, shape, color, different type of people. Like, we don't want them to watch models all the time, right? Right. Like, I'm trying to think of shows that have a good depiction of different types of people, but like, we want to help them. We want to help them with what they're seeing on social media and movies and TV and books and all of that stuff. Everybody is not like picture perfect. So that is one way to help them. Another way that I really work on— we all want to say to our daughters, and I'm not trying to leave sons out, I know that sons have this issue too and they need to be positive about their bodies too. But I noticed that we all tend to say things— I'm throwing myself under the bus here too. We all tend to say things like, you look so beautiful, right? Um, yes, you look gorgeous today. I love your outfit. I love what you did to your hair. Like, we need to compliment them about other stuff, not just the physical, not just the physical stuff. Like, you were so kind today. I'm so proud of you. Like, I noticed that, um, what did Lily say tonight that I was so proud of? She was like, I really got to get cracking and study for these tests. I got to go study. And I was like, I am so proud of you. You are so hardworking. Yes. Like, I'm trying to point out to them the qualities that have nothing to do with what they look like. And I don't want them to think that it's all about what they look like and that they're worth so much more than what they look like.

Absolutely.

I also say to them that they're more beautiful because of what's inside. Yes, I'd like to tell them that, but I screw up all the time. I want you to know I work on this topic every day. I catch myself every day. I try to love myself more every day because I know that the best way to get through to them is for me to do work on myself, right?

Can you expand on that?

Well, so like, I have to practice. So, um, I used to rip myself apart in the mirror. We're good at that. We can do that. We've all got that down. We can look in the mirror. For a while, one of the dentists— don't worry about who, I'll tell you later— somebody said something about my teeth. So then I realized that for about a year after that, I couldn't stop criticizing my teeth because of something that somebody said to me that I didn't even notice before this person said something. So it took me like a year to realize that my teeth are fine. Like, I now purposely look in the mirror and look at my teeth and smile. Like, your teeth are okay. Like, you look good. There's nothing wrong with you, you know? Like, we're good at saying, you know, my nose is too big and my, you know, My eyes are too squinty. Like, why do I squint when I smile? Like, we're good at finding faults. So flip it and work on the other stuff. Look in the mirror and say, you know, you're, you know, I don't know, I'm trying to think of an example. Your skin looks so good today. It's so nice and clear. And you really did your makeup well. It brings out your eyes. Like, start practicing in the mirror saying good things to yourself. So then if I practice and I do this in front of my kids, if they see me smiling at myself, if they see me say things like, I look really good today, I like this outfit, or I like how I feel today, stuff like, my legs are so strong, I'm so thankful for my legs. I said to my girls the other day, man, my legs take me on many miles. I'm so thankful every day, right? I love these legs. They're so strong and they carry me. And I'm like, please appreciate your body. Your body is doing so much for you. So, ah, so we're moving to the self-love and the gratitude. And I really am so thankful. You know, I was in the grocery store the other day and I saw someone in a cart, just, you know, a motorized cart, like, just triggered this for me. And I was like, wow, like, I can run through the grocery store fast, get everything I need with my strong, healthy body. So like, as we practice that— you're thinking something, I can tell. You're not thinking anything. You look like you want to say something.

I do not. I am good.

I don't believe you.

Okay, you don't have to.

So anyways, I was feeling very appreciative of myself, and I think the more that we appreciate things about ourselves the more we love our bodies.

Amen to that.

Do you do that? Do you like appreciate your body? Like you go to Krav and you fight and you're strong. Like, do you say like, good job, body?

No, but I need to.

Do you have appreciation for your body?

Yes.

Yes.

Not as consciously as you're talking about, not as frequently as you're talking about. I could definitely improve in that area.

Do you work on how you think about yourself?

Not, not on the physical side, but I definitely need to work on that.

So the other thing that I'm teaching my children is, um, mindful eating, intuitive eating. We talk about eating, and I am one for not having extremes. I don't want to cause them issues with food. So I'm not going to tell them that they can't have sugar. I'm not going to tell them that they're not allowed to go to Starbucks, whatever it is. I want them to form a good relationship with food. So how I do that, how I hope I'm doing that, is I am talking to them about fueling their bodies. So, you know, I have said to my girls, like, you can't restrict your calories. Like, you're growing. They're both still growing, and you need nutritious food, and you need calories, and you need to eat enough. I don't want them doing anything to stunt their growth. Like, I don't want them depriving themselves of nutrition because, you know, they want to be skinny or whatever they're thinking in their minds. I want them to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food and a healthy relationship with what they're putting in their bodies. And I'm gonna take that further and tell you that if they eat something like a cupcake or something that maybe isn't so nutritious, I don't wanna hear them saying that they're being bad. Right. Or that they're eating something bad. Like, it is okay to have, you know, Lily had a piece of chocolate tonight. Like, that is okay. I don't want them to start criticizing themselves for what they're eating. I want the majority of their food to be healthy. I mean, they need the fruits and the vegetables, like they need to give— eat nutritious food. But I don't want them to be saying, "I'm bad because I had a cupcake." Right. So, you know, I don't know how you think I'm doing with that, but I am super conscious about helping them form a good relationship with food.

Yes, I think you have created a very supportive environment for that.

Haha, did you read that?

Oh no, I did not know that was next.

You didn't read that? Oh my gosh, I highlighted supportive environment. So, so how we create a supportive environment at home is not talking about— we don't want them to feel like we're criticizing them. I think that's the last thing that parents should do. I don't think we should be telling them that they need to lose weight. I think there's such better ways to put that, um, by being a good example, by providing them with healthy options, by talking to them about fueling their bodies. There's so many better ways to go about it than criticizing our kids. I think that's like—

I know Julian says you definitely supported their healthy food choices today.

So I ordered food from the beautiful Julianne. You can go to Soup Society if you live near me, and you can order food from her. And we got delicious healthy soups. We got delicious healthy breakfast bites.

Oh, is that what those things are in the fridge? I was going to ask you.

Yes. And we got to talk about those. We got the most amazing salad. Oh my God. I should have gotten like a—

it's— I didn't get any salad.

You didn't? There was cheese in it.

Okay.

I'm sorry I didn't put the cheese on the side. We did not save you any salad. I'm sorry about that.

Next time, um, you gotta reorder.

I told Julianne that Max attacked the salad. I said to him, can you just save me a little so I could taste it? So we, we definitely devoured a lot of healthy food tonight. And you know, I'm really conscious of cooking healthy meals and I don't think I'm perfect, but I think I've been doing pretty good.

I haven't noticed you cooking anything unhealthy.

Well, like for example, Ella said, how about Alfredo? Okay, so do I think that Alfredo is healthy? Not really. I could probably find a healthy way to do it, but I'm not opposed to doing that once in a while. Moderation, moderation, moderation. So I— so surrounding them, so Having a supportive environment and surrounding them with positivity. We don't want our kids to be around people who are bringing them down, okay? So like, if we hear their friends criticizing them, we need to address that. If we hear their friends criticizing themselves, we need to address that. Like, we don't want them in an environment with their friends, with their family, that is going to have a negative impact on their body image.

Yeah, I think I heard you intervene the other day in a phone conversation.

I don't let their friends call themselves fat. I jump on that as soon as I hear it. It's like not language that I allow. I don't care who is saying it. I'm sorry, but if one of my children is talking to your child and they call themselves fat, I'm gonna nip that in the bud. I am going to intervene. I can't help myself. You can tell that it's a hot button for me.

Yes.

Not allowed to call yourself fat. Nobody's allowed to call themselves fat. I said the other day, well, you're not fat, so you can't look fat, right?

I, I don't know. I wasn't part of this conversation, so I cannot confirm or deny this information.

Oh my gosh, I think that The biggest thing that we can do for our children in general is the fabulous work that we can do on ourselves. And as we heal ourselves, work on ourselves, grow as a person, we are becoming the best parent that we can be. And you don't have to be perfect. They need to see that we have flaws. That's being a good parent too. We want them to see that we have flaws and they don't have to be perfect.

Right.

And they want to see that we're going to stumble and we're going to learn as we go, and so are they. So our kids don't expect perfection, they just want us to be okay. And I think part of being okay is, you know, I asked in my group today— like, I'm so sad as I tell you this— I asked in my group what the women love most about themselves. I got about 3 answers.

—and you normally get a lot more.

I got a ton of answers yesterday. I got like 3 answers, and one of the answers was, I'm really struggling with this question. That's a future topic. So I said to her, I guess I have to work on this topic. This is a topic, um, definitely going to be a future topic on learning to love yourself. If you are in my group, go comment and tell me what you love about yourself, and don't be shy. You're allowed to say, I love this about myself. Yes, you all have good qualities. I have no doubt, and I'm sure that you have something that you love about yourself. I can't believe that people are struggling with this question. That makes me so sad.

I would imagine that self-esteem and self-love is a large chunk of our society having that issue. That's so sad, right?

And how do we teach our kids to have self-love if we don't have I don't think it's possible. Well, you'd be faking it, so we gotta address it. They see right through it. I'm gonna tell you right now, they see through you, and if you don't love yourself, they're gonna learn not to love themselves. So maybe that's some motivation right there. There you go. Um, what do you love about yourself?

How long a list do you want? I just want— I love my creativity. I love my persistence.

I love— I love that you can actually answer the question. Yes, yes. Yes. So I said something that is super important to me, and I said that I love my empathy. And the reason why I answered the question with that answer is because I did not like that about myself growing up, and now I think it's a superpower. I think it's really unique, and I think the more I learn about people, the more I realize how unique it is, because everybody doesn't feel the way that I feel. We're all so different, so I am sure that you have unique, amazing qualities that you could tell me about. So go tell me about them. And, um, so yeah, I'm in the middle of the February Valentine Challenge. You can go to the Wine with Whiskey Mom Facebook group. It's free, it's supportive, and, um, you can go back and comment on all 5 questions February 1st through February 5th and and I will put an entry in for you for every comment that you have and pick a winner. So I need to, uh, work on picking a winner. Not yet, I'm going to give you time to go answer the questions. And on Friday's podcast is Kate McGuire, and we talked about natural wellness, and she gave me some great tips, and I love anything that's going to make me healthier. So, uh, loved talking to her. She She was a really fun, smart lady, so you're gonna love her. And what else, husband?

Go to whinybluesa.com, find the Linktree, sign up for all of Rebecca's resources, follow her on all of the platforms, sign up for the email newsletter that goes out 3 times a week that is absolutely free. And please make sure to like, rate, review, comment, share, and subscribe.

I hope— like, you do it perfectly, but I hope they hear you because it's fast. It's fast. You talk fast. How do you do that? I can't talk that fast. I don't know. So if you go to one of Seth's lunch seminars, uh, oh, Mastermind. Oh my God, I totally lost—

Lunch Seminar is a good title too. I totally lost it.

It's Mastermind. It's once a month, and you can contact us if you want to come to it. It is once a month. He does great topics every month. It's in person. You can also watch on Zoom, I believe.

Yes, we do livestream it.

And, um, like, if you listen to him and his content, like, it's really good, but like something that someone would take like 3 hours to teach us, he does in like an hour, and then he wonders why he's done already. And I'm like, well, you talked really fast. I'm working on slowing down. I mean, I think that is awesome that he can do that, but Holy crap, Seth.

I, I'll work on that, honey. Thanks.

Add it to my list. No, I think you're fabulous. I think you're wonderful. I think my brain does not work as fast as your brain.

In different areas, I think it works even faster. You think my brain—

I know what you're talking about. When I have diffused awareness, yes. And, and Seth is like on one thing and I've already said 3 more things, and he's like, can we do the Slow down, I can't process that. Like, why are you on to the fourth thing already? Yes, yes. So we apologize that my sign is backwards.

Facebook backwards. We got it. Facebook moved the button.

I will figure out where the button is. Facebook did something. They moved the button. Yeah, so Seth will figure that out because he's my tech support. And thank you for joining us, um, thank you for this awesome topic. Please keep sending me topics. And he's still looking to see if I could— no, no, don't do it while we're live. I'm gonna get off in a second. Okay. And, um, I hope that I said something that resonated with you, and I hope that you can love yourself a little bit more today.

Happy Winey Blues Wednesday.

See you next week. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.