Episode 434: The College Process So Far

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

How is everybody doing today?

How was your week?

How's my husband doing?

Husband is doing good.

Your wife is ready for bed. I was just telling Seth that by 9 o'clock I'm ready to go to bed. So who's with me? And I just realized I didn't do my day 2 of my challenge, which I need to do as soon as we're done here. Can you remind me?

Day 2 of your challenge. Sure, what's your challenge?

I'm doing the April challenge. Every month I start the month off with a challenge in my Winey Clues and Mom group. So come find me on Facebook. It's a free supportive community and I love it. And I love talking to all the moms and you can talk about your struggles and your successes. And you can—

What's the challenge?

The chall— it's an April challenge.

Doesn't it always have a theme?

It's a, it's a monthly, like The March challenge, the April Fools' challenge.

Okay, I wasn't sure. Sometimes it's like a mother's— sometimes it's a specific topic, like May will probably be like Mother's Day.

I don't know, I don't know. My, my first question was about April Fools' jokes yesterday.

Ah, someone played a good one.

Yes. Would— well, would, would you like to— maybe we'll tell them later on in the story. In the story, in the story, in the vlog.

Yes.

So today's vlog is the college process so far. That's the topic. Um, it has been a long year. Yes, it's been a long year. Melissa, my friend Melissa posted— I, I posted the blog. I write a blog every when— for every Wednesday, and then we go live at night to talk about it. So it is 9 o'clock at night and we go live, and there is a full blog written at whineypalooza.com about this topic. So I posted my blog today on Facebook and Instagram, and my friend Melissa says, um, it, it's the worst, the college process. She's like, my daughter got into her top choice and it's still the worst. Um, I really enjoyed parts of it that I'm going to talk about. Okay, there's some of it that I really enjoyed, and there's some of it that was really stressful. Yes.

So let's talk—

I'm done with it. So we're—

oh my God, we're We are not done.

And then once we get our son situated, then it's time to start the whole process over with our daughter because somebody wanted our kids 2 years apart.

Okay, I wasn't talking about that. I didn't say I want her because it's precisely 2 years. I was just— I was ready for number 2. I wasn't trying to time it.

I'm just teasing you.

If I had thought about it, I would have spaced them apart more.

Your father warned you. Your father said, Seth, have them so that they're not in college at the same time.

They didn't do that either.

They didn't? I think they did.

No, my brother was— wasn't, um, he was, he was in college when I was in college. Okay, well, it might have been like one lap.

Okay, let's talk about the college process.

Sorry.

Okay, so I'm gonna tell you super speed that my parents offered to pay for— we live in Buffalo, New York— my parents offered to pay for UB or Buff State to live at home, to go to school, and they paid for all 6 years. So I got my undergraduate in psychology, I got my graduate in social worker— social work, and then I went to work. And I loved UB, I had a great time, I didn't know any different. And, um, my lovely wonderful husband went to Syracuse. Yes. And loved it.

Yes.

And said, I would like to give our kids the college experience of going away if they want that, if they want that. And so what I'm going to start out I'm saying is I said to Seth, every child is different, so I don't want a cookie-cutter answer for college. I want to go kid by kid, right, and see what is best for each kid, right? So I don't think, um, I just saw a mother when I was out shopping and she said her kids are living at home and going to school here. There is nothing wrong with that. Do not judge yourself. Do not judge your kids. Every kid's experience is going to be different.

You turned out fabulous. So you stayed home.

I think I turned out fabulous. I did not have the full college experience. I am sure I missed out on a lot, but I did love what I did, okay? And came out debt-free, which is important, which is like, whoo! So I thanked our parents at dinner Saturday night for Seth and I meeting and both being debt-free from college. So thank you, parents.

Yes.

Okay, so So moving on to Max. Max decided along the way that he needed to get 100 on everything. Max decided along the way that he needed to— we're going to tell you that he's right— he needed to build up his resume because he had his sights set on a specific school that we're going to talk about. And he ran for president of National Honor Society. He started the math club. We could give you Max's whole resume.

We're not a lot.

We're not going to bore you. He has a great resume. It doesn't matter. There's a lot of kids with great resumes, I'm going to tell you that now. So have your kids build up their resume. Have them be as unique and special and different as you can. So something unique might be a cool internship, right? A cool work experience. Like, build up so that they have things to talk about. So we decided to start touring schools. That's where we started. And would you like to tell them all the schools that we toured so that they get a feel for Maxwell?

Sure. So we toured Cornell, we toured Harvard, we toured Yale, we toured MIT. I think we— do we— I think we walked through Tufts. Um, those were— yeah, those were the schools that we went to, right? The ones that we actually physically went to.

I'm trying to think if there was any other ones. So Columbia.

Oh, I forgot about Columbia.

And NYU for Ella. We start— we did a little bit of NYU for Ella. We need to go back. But, um, he— I mean, he had his sights set on these big grandiose schools, and he's like, I really want to go to an Ivy. I start looking up the acceptance rates, freaking out. So we're going to give you— we're going to stop and we're going to give you tips throughout this process. I wanted to stay home initially. My parents made me go away. They knew better. It was the best thing for me. Isn't that interesting, Corey? I, I think that we need to remember that our kids are only 18 and they don't really know, um, brains aren't even fully developed yet. They don't. We might, we might— Corey's parents knew what was best for him. I will tell you that as my friend started talking about her daughter having a ton of college debt, she was like She's only 18, like she's not thinking this through, that she's going to have so much debt that she has to pay back. So we just have to help them, they're only 18. So that is an excellent point, Corey. So as we're touring these schools and Max is like, I want to go to an Ivy, I was like, Max, you are qualified to go to an Ivy, you might get into an Ivy, but you're up against really tough competition, and we really want you to have a bunch of safety schools. We want you to apply to a ton of schools. We kept making him apply to more schools. If you can afford it, have your kid apply to lots of schools. I was watching something today, the kid applied— I thought I saw this.

I— yeah, that was the video that I think Max sent us, that the kid— it was a news piece on college, and the kid was— one of the kids was talking about that they applied like 30-something schools.

So we made him apply to like 14 or 16 or something, right?

We did 14 and then we added 2 more when we were stressed.

So we just kept making him apply to more schools. So we're going to tell you, apply to lots of schools, have lots of options, and apply to schools that don't have a low acceptance rate. Like, have some schools in there that you are really positive that you're going to get into. And I'm not talking like schools like Binghamton. Do you know how many kids did not get into Binghamton? "My son applied to 21, he decided on Rutgers." Congratulations, Susan. Congratulations. First of all, what an amazing school. You have got to be so excited and proud of him. I love hearing about successes. What I don't love hearing is, I mean, my son on his phone, "Mom, this is the latest. Mom, this is the latest." Like telling me about—

Who got in where.

Who got in where, who got waitlisted, who got rejected, who got in. It's been so stressful because not only was I worried for him, I want his friend, I want everybody at his school to get to go where they want to go. And that's not really realistic. So lots of waitlists, lots of kids on waitlists, lots of kids rejected. Have safety schools, we're telling you.

Yes.

So an example of a safety school is like, a really high acceptance rate. Look up acceptance rates. So what is it, an example of a high acceptance rate?

50%, 70%.

Yeah, like some of the schools have an 80% acceptance rate. Some of the schools have a 70% acceptance rate. A safety school is not a school that has a 30% acceptance rate, right?

Right. We, we learned that lesson, that 20% does not count as, as safety. We, Max might have thought that there were some, he's like, "Oh, I'm sure I'll get in. It's only, it's a 20% acceptance rate. That's so much higher than the places I really wanna go to." Not so much.

You're totally wrong with the information you're sharing. The schools that Max didn't get into had like a 5% acceptance rate. You have your data totally wrong.

Okay.

I'm sorry. I'll talk to you about this after.

I don't know what to say. Okay, maybe I'm thinking of a different school than you are.

Yeah, no, I think you're wrong. So 20% is a much better chance than like—

It's not enough.

It's, well, so we're telling you 20% should not count.

Yes.

30% should not count. Like we wanted him to apply—

So selective.

Like go to schools, apply to schools that are not selective so that you know that you're gonna have options.

We did not want him to be college homeless. We wanted him to get it, 'cause he got into a number of his safety schools, but we wanted him to get into some schools that he was actually excited to go to.

I mean, I was really—

even if he didn't get his dream choice.

We always knew as we were going through this process, it felt really good to know that, um, Max got into UB's honors program. So that was always in the back of our mind, that he could always go there. It's not where he wanted to go, but it just felt good to like have that option. Yes. Okay. Research the schools because I learned something. Here's another tip from Max's process. So as I'm saying, I can't even tell you how many times I brought up SUNY schools because as you know, the SUNY schools are a lot more affordable. So I was like, how about Binghamton? What other SUNY schools are you interested in? And he wasn't having it. But part of why Max wasn't having it, because he was very particular about what program he wanted to major in.

A lot of schools didn't have the major that he wanted.

So just make sure that the school has the major that you want, which I didn't know. I guess I assumed that schools had all the programs, and they don't. So that was a Silly assumption on my part, but Max has taught me. Max has taught me a lot, and I have learned a lot. So let's talk about early decision and early action, 'cause these were two terms that I knew nothing about. So early decision—

You apply early, you get in early. You can only apply early decision to one school, and if you get in, you are contractually pretty much obligated to go. Barring some ridiculous discrepancy in financial aid offers, you're going to that school.

So it's a binding agreement?

Yes, it is a binding— you have to sign it, your parents have to sign it, your high school guidance counselor has to sign it. Everyone has to sign that they know that you're applying early decision and that you're going, if you pretty much going, if you get in.

Okay, so Max applied early decision to Cornell, which is his number one school. So people usually apply early decision to their number one school. And if you get into your number one, if you get into your early decision school, what Max explained to me is you then have to withdraw your applications from other schools.

Yes.

Right?

Yes, once we accept, yes.

Okay, so then there's early action, which I also had to learn about.

Early action, you apply early, you find out early, but it's not binding. It does, early decision should, depending on the school, significantly increase your chances, your acceptance, the high— there's a higher acceptance rate for early decision for some of these schools than regular decision, which is why part of why it's attractive. Early action doesn't change that. You just find out early and you just get in early. You just apply early and find out early, but you don't have to go.

And I'm sorry, did you say you can apply to as many as you want?

You can apply early action to multiple schools.

Yes, which I didn't know, which I also learned, which is why I'm sharing. I'm trying to share with you everything that I wish I had had this whole blog and vlog to listen to. Yes. So, okay, so Max applied early action to schools, he, he applied regular decision to schools, and he applied early decision to Cornell. He picked Cornell, and the more Max learned about Cornell, the more he liked Cornell and the more he wanted to go, which was scary to his parents because I didn't like that it felt like all of his eggs kept going to one basket. And I'm telling you, your kids— I want your kids to be excited for lots of schools and have multiple eggs in multiple baskets, which is the conversation that we're now having with Ella because Ella keeps talking about NYU. I feel like it's Max 2.0, and I am now trying to explain to her that she cannot have all her eggs in NYU.

Right.

So I feel like I'm having the same conversations.

Yes, but we're getting better at it.

So she has lots of options already that we're talking about. So the more Max learned about Cornell, the more he liked about Cornell.

Then we're still here.

Oh my God. Anyways, okay, so then, um, early decision day comes. And Seth and I are like, we're— well, he has a perfect resume, so, you know, we thought—

we thought he'd get early decision. It upped his odds significantly at Cornell. We thought he was going to get in.

So I was like, I'm going to, um, I'm going to record him.

Yeah, I was filming it for the reaction.

Like, we thought it was going to be such a good night.

He was on FaceTime with friends as a group FaceTime.

We thought it was going to be so exciting, and we thought we were going to be done with the college process. And we are going to tell you, it does not matter how awesome your kid is, you don't know what's going to happen. Max did not get an early decision, but they said wait for regular decision.

You got deferred to regular admission.

So I said to Max, it's not a no. So was I stressed? Yes. Was I surprised? Yes. Was I humbled? Yes. I had— we had 3 and a half months now to wait till March 27th and worry about it. So we made him apply to more schools.

Yep.

And we didn't know what was going to happen. So I looked up the stats because Max was like Mom, what happened? Why were so many kids born in 2007? There was a 6% increase in applications this year. I looked it up. Did you know that?

Yes, I— yes, you sent me— yes, you had previously sent me this. Okay, that's why I knew, because you found out.

I want you—

because the competition got more intense this year.

I want you to know, don't ever assume anything. You don't know what the colleges are looking for. You don't know who your kid is up against.

And at certain levels, when you got that many amazing kids, can feel kind of random who gets in and who doesn't.

Ah, so then we waited 3 and a half months, and it was very stressful. And through the 3 and a half months, he was getting into other schools. He got into the University of Michigan, which is the one he was most excited about.

Yep.

Um, kept learning more and more stuff about Michigan that he loved, so I was relieved because I said, okay, Max, what is the worst case scenario? And he said, Mom, the worst case scenario is I go to Michigan, and I'm happy with that.

And it's a very good school, and it's an amazing school.

He, he got into the honors program. He was excited about that. He was going to apply to their research program. He was excited about that. So he was getting excited about another basket. I was happy hearing from other kids who got in where Very stressful. So the 3 and a half months was probably the most stressful part of this. Yes, right? Yes. So here we are, it's March 27th.

Lily has National Junior Honor Society that night, her induction ceremony, and it happens to be the same day as Ivy League Admission Day when every Ivy League school announces admissions at the same time. So we had the problem of Lily's got her induction ceremony while Max is supposed to find out if he's getting in.

So we drove separate. Seth left at 6:30.

I left early from the ceremony.

I waited for Lily to talk to her friends, blah blah blah.

Pictures.

6:45, Lily, can we please, for the love of God, go home?

I tried to find out at 7.

Okay, Max was gonna call me, so I was like, okay. I'm picturing the phone call. I'm like, it's okay. He'll call you if he has good news. It's okay. Kept telling myself that. I was like, let Lily have her moment. If you have multiple kids, you know that there are so many times that there's multiple things on the same night and you're like, ah, so I rush home. I'm standing at the island, I'm writing a note. Okay, I'm telling you, write things out. Write it out multiple times, many times, study it. I'm writing. What did I write? Do you remember what I was writing? Thank you, God, for Max getting into Cornell. And I was about to write tonight, I was going to finish my note and I was going to be very specific and I was going to say tonight on March 27th at 7 PM for the August 2025 class. I was going to be very specific in my note.

I did not get to finish my note because Max screamed the best scream we've ever heard in our lives, which was the "I got in!" and started running down the stairs, and we all started racing up the stairs and met on the stairs. It goes, "Where'd you get in?" And he said, "Cornell!" And we had a very emotional, very proud, incredibly happy celebration.

We had no idea what was going to happen, and It was up to— it was obviously up to Cornell. I had no— I was like, I have no control, right? He put in the work. He put in the work. Yeah, that's all he can do. He did the best application he could do. I think that their essay is one of the most— essays are so important because it makes them stand out, stand out and be unique. So I'm telling you, write the best— have your kids write the best essays that they can write. And we were stunned, humbled, stunned, relieved.

Yes.

I felt this tremendous sense of peace because I was trying to talk myself into being excited about Michigan, which I was excited about Michigan. I just knew he really wanted to get into Cornell. Um, I don't love when they get attached to one school. Um, I don't know how you feel about that, risky, but like, why is Ella now attached to one school? Like, I don't like this. Like, let's get attached to lots of schools.

Yes, diversity, diversification.

So I'm excited for Max, and I'm excited for me because I didn't get to go away to school, and I get to live this through my son's eyes. So I'm very excited. So step 1 is do the hard work to build your resume. Step 2, get into the school. Step 3, pay for it. We don't want to talk about the bill. Seth is working on it. Um, I cannot believe what these colleges are asking. And if you want your children to live at home and go to school or go to a SUNY school. We hear you, we understand you. It's not cheap.

Yes, that parent you talked about who's got both kids living at home going to Buff State, saving a fortune.

Saving a fortune. Okay, step 3 is paying for it. Step 4 is Max loving it. I have now had a, I have had multiple conversations with Max and I was like, I want you to go and love it. However, I'm going to tell you, I know he's gonna love it. It's gonna be an amazing 4 years, but I'm going to tell you, I have heard from multiple people that their children have transferred. So just keep the lines of communication open. Like I told Max, I always want him to be honest with me. I'm praying that he goes and loves it. Yes, that's my hope. And, um, you know, Max and I have had conversations that if he had gotten in early decision, I don't think we would appreciate it the way that we appreciate it.

No, he's— I thought that was very insightful of him to say, you know, this was what was— I think this is what, how it was supposed to happen. Because if I had gotten in, there would have been no challenge. It would have just been, I got in right away, okay, I thought I was going to get in, everything's good, and blah. Happy but not as happy. Like, if he was happy then, it would have been on a happiness scale of, let's say, 6 out of 10. Whereas after waiting for 3 and a half months and being nervous, it's like 12 out of 10. Ah, yeah, that profound joy that night and your emotional release that night of the relief of the month and ours of the months of stress and worry. I mean, that was incredible. It has a very, yeah, very happy ending so far.

He said it was the best day of his life.

Yes.

Did you hear him say that?

I did, because that was your— my sister-in-law asked. And said, on Days of Your Life, where does this rank? And he said, number one.

Who asked that?

And Stephanie.

Oh, she did?

Yeah, when he was on with Stephanie, Josh, and the kids.

So then they proceeded to call everybody.

Yes, we called all the grandparents and the uncles and aunts.

And okay, so where— so we all— I also want to tell you, he wrote a continued letter of interest.

Yes, when he got deferred, he then followed up with a letter of, here's everything, here's why I'm still interested and why Cornell is where I want to go, and everything that has gone on since you got my application to add to his resume file there.

So Max had significant things going on this year to put in his letter to show them that he was still excelling and still trying to do really great things this year, still keeping his grades up. And, um, he thinks his continued letter of interest might have done it. I'm sure it helped, cuz he did a really great continued letter, like, you're still my first choice, I still want to go here, this is what I have going on. So I thought it was great. I read it.

I read it too.

So any tips that I didn't mention that you think it's important for people to know?

I think you did a great job covering our emotional journey there.

Well, I was like, I'm going to share this of what I would have wanted, and I'm going to give this to everyone as I would have wanted it. Yes, right. We also had Annemarie helping us.

Yes, we also had a private admissions counselor, um, helping him with the applications and the essays and all of that good stuff.

Yes, and he had his counselor at school helping him, and he got his letters of reference from school. And oh boy, has it been a process. Yes, so it's been over a year, right? It's been over a year of looking at schools and doing all the, all the applications. And, and we will get Max off to school. Yes, we will regroup and we will start again with Ella. Yes, and then we'll get a break before Lily.

Yes, yes, because you spaced them out further.

Oh my gosh. Well, if you're watching this and you have you know, little kids. I will tell you that 3 and a half years between Ella and Lily was so much easier than exactly 2 years between Max and Ella.

Yeah.

Um, Susan says we used her twice, but Andy the financial guy was amazing. Hey now, wait, what?

I'm glad that you used Annemarie twice, but we'll take no comments on other financial guys.

Well, she doesn't— I don't know if Susan even knows. Tell everyone what you do.

I own howtofindmoneyforcollege.com. We are a college financial aid negotiation firm. Our whole goal is to cut the cost of tuition for our clients.

So Seth is— Seth has his son for his client for the first time. So let's see how this goes. I—

oh, okay, well, I got a phone call to make then.

Anne-Marie! Okay, Susan, thank you for calling in.

Thank you for the information.

Okay, oops, I know. Yeah, um, Annemarie tends to recommend Seth, so I don't know, maybe it was something particular, right?

Maybe there's something different that we don't do.

I don't know, I don't know, I know.

Moving right along.

I'm glad that he was helpful, and I'm glad that your son is going to Rutgers. That's amazing. And I'm glad Max got into Cornell. That's amazing.

Yes.

And, um, I'm thrilled that Melissa's daughter got into her first choice. Like, I want success for everybody. I want everybody to have what they want, and I hope that some of these kids get off the waitlist.

Yes.

So now I want to learn about waitlists just because I'm curious, because I know nothing about waitlists.

Okay.

Okay, so that is our college story so far. We will keep you posted.

Yep.

As more progresses. And this Friday on the podcast is The Art of the Juggling Act with Sarah Armstrong. This lady is amazing. She is like a bigwig at Google. I don't know how I got her. She is way up the ladder. And she— this is her way of giving back. She likes to— her book was one of her ways of giving back because everybody wants to know, how did she do motherhood and a high-powered job. Like, how did she do it all? So she is now helping other people learn how to do that, and I loved talking to her. She's an amazing lady. So listen to the podcast, please, and share this with somebody who is going through the college process or is going to be going through it. Um, what else do we want to tell them, honey?

Go to whineypalooza.com, find Rebecca's Linktree, sign up for all of her resources including the amazing 3 times a week email newsletter. And as always with our content, please like, rate, review, share, and subscribe.

You sound like a commercial.

That's the goal.

Oh my goodness, I hope you followed all of that. So thank you everybody. Oh, Corey Clark is applying to a ton of schools, a newer thing.

I don't remember people applying to so many when it was different when we were in high school. One, the applications were all on paper and you had to hand— you had to fill them all out. And there was a cost for every single application. And now with the Common App electronically online, you can apply to like 20 schools with the click of a button, and then the only thing you have to do differently is the supplemental essays. So yes, applying to more schools is a newer thing given the electronic ability to apply and the intense increased level of competition from when we were kids.

I think— who got 64,000 applications? Was that Binghamton or Cornell?

I don't remember. I think that was— might have been Cornell.

Um, so don't quote me, but it was something like 64,000 applications to go through, which is— I mean, the competition has gotten so much worse, Cory. So I think so much harder. Yes. So I wanted him to apply to a ton of schools. I honestly would have applied to more than— I would have had him apply to more than 14, but, um we didn't know what we didn't know, and we thought that would— anyway, I, I would have—

you did try and push him more.

I— okay, so this is what I'm going to tell all the mothers. I kept my mouth shut at times when I shouldn't have.

Yeah.

So what I learned through this process is I— Max is so capable and so smart that I stepped back a lot. And if I could do it over again, I mean, I'm happy and we do it over again when I do it over again because I'm about to do it over again. Max got what he wanted, so the outcome worked out perfect. But, um, I would have gotten a little bit more involved. So I tried to— I like kept my mouth shut a lot when I had things to say. And like, I would say things like, I want you to apply to more schools, and he would say no. And I needed to then explain to him what my reasoning was.

Yes.

And what kind of schools I wanted him to apply to. So I wasn't specific or pushy enough, and I think that sometimes I step back because Seth and Max are so capable in this college area that sometimes I try to just stay back, but I had things to say. So I would say get involved and explain to your kids why you feel how you feel.

Amen.

Okay, um, I don't think one Williamsville kid got into Notre Dame. Is that true? We don't know anybody.

Yeah, we weren't tracking.

Um, so Max did not apply there. I did suggest it. I don't think he was interested.

Maybe they don't have his major.

They don't have what he wanted. Um, I will ask Max and get back to you, but I have not heard anything of anything.

I don't know that it's that no one got in. I don't know how many people are. We also don't know who applied, right? He was telling us a lot about his friends and where they applied, or the people that were talking across the 3 Williamsville high schools about, hey, who got into— did anybody get into Harvard? Who got in here? Who got in there? I did not hear the name Notre Dame come up once.

No, no. I'll ask him, Susan. I'll let you know if he knows anything.

Okay, thank you for watching.

Thank you for watching. See you next week, everyone. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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