Episode 482: Raising Body Confident Kids

Hello everyone, happy Winey Blues Wednesday!

Happy Winey Blues Wednesday, everybody!

I was waiting for you to do it and you were waiting for me to do it.

I was.

How is everybody doing? We are late. I don't even know what time it is.

9:17.

Oh wow, we're really late. Oops.

Why were we late?

Um, well, several reasons.

Why were we really late?

Um, well, the cat puke just took how much time? That wasn't why we started off Um, we are finishing The Summer I Turned Pretty. We are on the last episode, which we're not done with, so don't tell us how it ends. Spoilers if you are watching it with us. Um, if you watched it today, let us know if you liked the ending. Don't tell us the ending, but tell us if you liked the ending. So we are going to do this with you, and then we are going to go finish our show, if that's okay. Yeah, and the dishes.

And all the things.

I was just telling Seth that if I'm awake, I feel like I'm working.

Well, I scheduled it in the calendar. There's a day I'm gonna kidnap you and tie you to the couch and force-feed you bonbons, and you're not allowed to do anything for hours except get overstimulated because of the dog. But he's gonna be better by then, so then you won't have to worry about it. Our dog is limping and it's worse, so Maybe you should take the pain pill.

We have had lots of appointments and more to come. So yes, my dog, my toddler that I'm trying to take care of. So yes, we are very sad over here. Please, um, hopefully next week we will have better— we will have a better update about our dog Tanner. This week it's not a good week, so Okay, so Ella started us off with writing about putting the scale away, and you can find her column at wineinclusa.com. It's her Teenage Tuesday column. She has one every Tuesday, and she wrote about body image, and it's one of my favorite topics. So when I can, I will piggyback off of her column and, and dive even deeper.

Yes, it is often one of most— one of your most requested topics.

So So this is, I think, my third blog talking about body image. I have done it before. If you go to my website—

you go far enough back—

no, no, no, there's a search bar. You can just put in body image and like— I think—

I didn't know we built that. Look at what my team did. I didn't know we had a search bar. Listen, I'm gonna go check that out.

I might be wrong. I might be— I might be wrong. I think that Tanner, I'm sorry, honey. I gotta not be distracted by the dog. Yes, the dog is not happy.

Just focus, try and focus.

So anyways, I think that you can put in body image and all of the past blogs will come up. But I— today I wrote about raising body confident kids, which you can read, but we're going to talk about it because I think that body image is One of the most requested topics that I get, I think it's, um, anxiety, depression, and body image. Are those—

you do have a search bar and it did come up and I can't see your previous articles.

So, so I also—

I didn't know we had that.

Okay, so we're going to teach everybody something. If you go to wanipluza.com and you type in any topic—

anxiety, everything she's written about—

depression, marriage, etc., the blogs come up.

That is awesome.

And, and it's been how many years, honey? 10 years? 11 years? Probably 12 years of writing around Lily, right? Okay, so let's dive into it. Um, I think that there's nothing more motivating than my children to help me with this topic because I think that we, um, we hear them reflect ourselves back to us. And I'll never forget looking in the mirror and going, ugh, like whatever I said, like let's say my stomach looks fat in this, or I don't like how I look in this. And whichever daughter was sitting next to me was like, Mommy, you look so pretty, what are you talking about?

And I was like, listen to her.

And I was like, oh my God, they just me criticize myself in the mirror. So I want to start with the fact that we have to— like, if we can work on ourselves, if all of us moms can do better, we can all model better, then that is the best way to teach our children how to look at themselves in the mirror. I was just telling Lily to smile when she looks at herself in the mirror, to smile and find reasons to compliment herself. And not pick ourselves apart in the mirror. You don't want to be pointing out your cellulite, you don't want to be pointing out your wrinkles. You want to talk to yourself nice in the mirror, and you want to model that for your children.

That's awesome.

And put on an outfit and tell them how great you look and be like, I look good. Like, model that. Um, I have said, like, I mean, this is like the new me, okay? But like, I have put on a dress and Seth has gone, you look pretty. And I don't say something to demean myself. I say, I know, thank you, or thank you. Yes, you know, you could say thank you. You can say I agree. Yeah, like, I sometimes I feel pretty, and it's okay to own that.

You should feel pretty all the time and teach that to our kids. Yes.

So one of the things, you know, it's so interesting, like 49-year-old me versus like 19-year-old me or 29-year-old me. You know, I'm very different and there's like an appreciation and a celebration about my body and you know, I will go for really, really long walks and I find myself appreciating myself like thank you to my legs and my feet and you know, I'll feel it in my core and I'll be like thank you core. Everything that helps me walk, my whole body, I'm like so appreciative that I can even do that. You know, I see people, you know, I tell my friends this, I'll see someone in a wheelchair and I'm like, oh, like we're so blessed and we need to appreciate our bodies and celebrate what it can do. And I wanna teach that to my children. Like I said, they're the best motivators. They're making me have a totally different relationship my body because I want that for them.

That's awesome. Yes, good inspiration.

Yes. Um, stop freaking talking about diets. Stop talking about diets, especially in front of your children. Stop counting carbs. Stop counting calories. Like, stop that this food is bad and this food is good. Like, teach about fueling and nourishing and eating. So Lily said to me just yesterday, I think, I noticed that when I, you know, eat really well, I think better in school.

Important.

So she, she said, I focus better and I pay better attention. Um, she noticed that. That wasn't me telling her that.

That's even better.

That is the best way for them to learn. So, um, what was my point? Diets. So we want to teach them about just eating to fuel themselves and that food is good and have a good relationship with food and don't criticize the food and don't make food the enemy. Like, let's help them form a good relationship with food and their body. So they're listening, they're listening, people. Don't think you're getting away with it. They're here.

I mean, you hear everything.

I mean, I cannot believe they're listening to everything I say. Ella will come in the room, I think she's deep in her homework, and she's like, I heard you. Bom bom bom bom bom bom. Watch your compliments. So we are really quick to tell our children, our daughters in particular, that they look very pretty. You look beautiful, you look pretty, you're so pretty. You know, I'll look at them and I'll be like, you're so beautiful. Okay, can we get past the looks and show them what we truly value? I was making fun of Lily one day and I told her she's too vain, okay? And I was like, what matters is what's inside. I keep telling them who you are as a person and your heart and your kindness and your compassion and your creativity, like that's so much more important than what you look like. In Ella's column, I'm gonna quote her, she said, "The least important thing about you is how you look." And where did you get that from, Elle? Where did you get the line, the least important, that your looks are the least important thing about you? Did you just make it up?

It's an Ella original.

It's an Ella original.

It's a good line.

I will never forget. Sometimes the things that come out of her mouth, sometimes I have to think, is she really 16? And sometimes I think that she is a messenger with a lot of the things that she says to Seth and I.

I would agree with that.

Right? I think that's one of her best lines. How I look is the least important thing about me.

You should write an Ella quote book.

We should start an Ella quote book. I've had multiple friends tell me that she has a way with words.

She does.

She really does. She wants to be a journalist. I think she's already on her way.

Yes.

With her Teenage Tuesday columns.

And the Clear Media Project.

And her Clear Media Project. And Broadcast Club.

And Broadcast Club.

Tell them about the Clear Media Project.

So Ella got frustrated with the bias in the news media and started her own website, The Clear Media Project, which is independent factual reporting of the news as opposed to any either liberal or conservative bias. And she's got subscribers and publishes articles every day and she's doing great.

It's awesome.

Daily newsletter.

Encourage movement for fun. So Ellen and I took a walk for fun. We take walks for fun. Like, I just think walking is fun every day. I'm not doing it because I have to. Don't make exercise a chore. Like, enjoy it and make it fun and dance in the kitchen and take a fun exercise class.

You are excellent at dancing in the kitchen.

I mean, just do something fun. I, um, I do like wearing my watch because it tracks my steps, and I think it's fun to try to like beat myself. So like the goal is 10,000 steps, but the goal is really not 10,000 steps.

You blow that thing away by like noon.

I mean, I want to get way past 10,000 steps. 20,000 steps would be even better, but, um, I want to get to at least 10,000 every day. So like make it a game, make it fun, compete with other people on steps, or yourself. Take walks with friends. Oh, my friend and I had the best time. We walked um, the UB bike path, and we ended up at UB, and it was just, you know, an adventure.

Your old stomping grounds.

Yeah, I hadn't been back— well, I take that back, I have been back for dance recitals, right?

But not like to walk the campus and go to the Commons.

It was really cool. Okay, so we're making movement fun, and we're being mindful about how we talk about others. I am really careful about this. Like, what do we value about other people? I think it's kind of annoying when you listen to girls and they're talking about other girls' hair and makeup and clothes, and I like that girl's outfit. Like, can we talk about like the real stuff? Can we talk about like, I really like, um, I really like how your friend helped someone. I really like how hard this person works. Um, just like what we value. And we don't want to be talking about people's looks. And I'll tell you what, the word fat does not exist in this house. I do not let us talk— ever, ever say that word. And, um, I just want to not always be talking about how people look. They're going to think that that's what we value. I will say I am guilty of something, and I did write about this. I am obsessed a little bit with nails. I have been since I was little. I've been doing my own— I've been doing nails since I was tiny, but like, I always notice people's nails, so I am guilty of that. But I'm just saying in general, like, let's value what's deeper and not what's on the outside. And I want us to remind our children about filters. I really want us to talk to our kids about what they're seeing online because I don't want them to be striving to something that's not realistic. I mean, my mom had no idea that people are using filters online. I had to tell her what that is, you know. And, and your kids probably know. Yeah, but my mom didn't, right? So I'm just saying, make sure they know that these people—

she thought every picture of you, those ones of you in a biker outfit, or some of those were, wow, my daughter got leather in.

Um, I don't even know if she saw saw those.

That's a good point. You might have gotten a phone call. She, uh, my parents didn't say anything about the pictures of me as a vampire a couple years ago when I found that filter from Twilight.

I will tell you more about that after. Okay, sorry, but then I said anything, but I am gonna say my mom had no idea that people were using filters. So make sure your kids know, and make sure people, your kids know that they're taking off the wrinkles, they're, they're making themselves look however they want to look. They're changing their eye color, they're changing their hair, they're changing what their body looks like.

Oh man, I'm gonna have to go play with some of those. I didn't know I could do all those things.

Oh, you could do a lot. You could do a lot.

You don't need to feel—

I could— you could make your lips bigger.

Your lips are perfect.

What is the deal with everybody making their lips bigger? Am I missing something?

Yeah, I know we see a lot of the celebrities and I'm like, what? Her lips are all blown up.

No, no, not just celebrities, like people around town that I know are blowing up their lips.

So decided big lips were the thing.

So, so you don't want me to do that?

No, your lips are perfect.

You want me to have bigger lips?

No, we do not. Your lips are perfect, and I love your heart, and I love how hard you work, and I love how warm and loving you are.

Ah, I didn't see that coming. So Hey, tell me what's going on with the lips. And I know it's been going on a while, but I've noticed it recently. Let me know about the lip thing. And last but not least, there's a lot more, but I'm gonna end here. We're home base. Like, make it safe, make it home base at home. Make them feel comfortable and safe and supported and loved and make it a fun and friendly environment. We want them to know that this is a safe place to talk about all these things and to feel supported, confident, to feel supported and confident. We don't want to tear them down. So it's just a really important topic, and I wanted to, to dive deeper into it after Ella brought it up. Sometimes Ella's going to bring up topics and I will continue the conversation, and And sometimes Elle's gonna bring up topics and maybe I'll go a different direction, right?

Right.

But you can read her column, you can read my blog, um, mindypalooza.com. And I'm interviewing all of these amazing women. And, you know, I don't know if I told you this, but the expert that I interviewed yesterday, I said, okay, we were talking about teenagers at the time. We were both laughing and bonding over having teenagers. You all understand what I'm saying. And I said, so leave them with some advice. We talked about marriage, we talked about parenting. Leave them with something. What do you want to say? And she said to remember to get in the other person's shoes. And I thought, you know, we talk about empathy, but like, we don't say that very often.

That's a good point.

And I think that I forget When you frustrate me, I forget to get in your shoes. And when I thought I was being funny, and when Lily frustrates me, sometimes I forget to like get in her shoes and figure out what's going on with her. Yeah, so I just thought that was really good to leave everybody with that.

That is good parting advice.

I liked that parting advice. So anyways, my point is I'm interviewing awesome women.

And who's on this Friday?

And this Friday is Stephanie Quang. Um, it's her Rapid Rewire Method.

This is a good one. I like her stuff.

I love her stuff. Oh, you sent me her.

I did.

You sent me her.

I did something right today.

You did a list right today.

All right, well, we could— you could tell me all about it.

Maybe you did a little couple things that annoyed me, but a couple things. Oh, marriage, marriage, good times.

Um, so go check out the podcast this Friday.

And the September winner was Melissa G. Congrats, Melissa. Um, I brought her— she is local, and if you're not local and you win, we'll ship it to you. The Whiny Pooza Mom group is on Facebook. It's free, it's supportive. Come join us, bring a friend, and talk about all things parenting and marriage. And every month we do a challenge and a winner is chosen, and Melissa was chosen, and she's local, so I brought her a fall basket made by the lovely Claire. I order a lot of things from Claire Stark at Claire's Little Bites, um, so I can give you information on that if you want catering or baskets, desserts. She's awesome. So I love the basket I dropped off. Hopefully Melissa loved it.

I'm sure she will.

And if you're not local and you win, I will mail you something, so you don't have to be local to win. I have mailed various prizes.

You have indeed.

And, um, So there's a new podcast every Friday, and you want to talk about the newsletter?

Yes, go to whineypalooza.com, click sign up, scroll down a little bit, and you'll see the sign up for the Whiney Palooza Community Newsletter. It is absolutely free. It comes out multiple times a week with lots of cool tips for making your marriage and your parenting even more awesome. So sign up, and with all of Rebecca's content, to help the algorithms recognize that people are engaging with it and get them to show it to more wonderful moms and parents like you. Please like, comment, rate, review, share, subscribe, do all of the things so that other people see it.

I'm tired. So, um, I wanted to ask you before we go, and I don't want to put you on the spot, but like, does any of that apply to you? Did you learn anything from this topic?

Um, I thought I did. I thought The changing what we compliment is important, and I need to be conscious of that because I literally, um, gave someone in our family a compliment about their appearance earlier. So I need to focus more on who they are being as opposed to what they look like.

Um, I will say I have been trained on that, but as a woman— okay, so we're not supposed to compliment people's looks all the time, we're supposed to get deeper, right? But I like when you tell me I look pretty.

Yes, but I should— that shouldn't be the only and it's not, but it shouldn't be the only thing hypothetically that I tell you, compliment you about. It should maybe be 10% and 90% should be all of the other, the more important amazing qualities that you have.

Okay, well you can keep doing that. I'll do both because I really like it.

You are very beautiful.

I like when you tell me all the time, all the things, all the things, all the time.

I can do that radio station.

So here I'm telling them not to do it, but I like it, but I was trained not to do that.

So You could go unpack that one for another 20 minutes.

Do you like when I say that you look handsome?

Yes, I do.

Okay, so people do like compliments, right?

Just don't make all of your compliments appearance-based, apparently.

So now I'm going to ask our daughters if they like it.

That's a good point. Yeah, you should find out their compliment language as an addition to their love language.

I think that's an excellent point. And I think that what— there's your next book. What I think that What's interesting is we compliment our daughters on their looks more than our son.

Yes, I very— I, I'm trying to remember. I, I maybe only have complimented our son on his appearance like when he got dressed up for a bar mitzvah or something, and I'm like, oh, he cleans up pretty nice.

Like, you like when he shaves. When he comes— yes, when he comes downstairs and he's all shaven, you're like, oh Max, that looks so nice, you shaved.

Yes. I'll work on that.

I tell him he's handsome, but I tell the girls more often, right? Okay, so that is our Wednesday night topic. Hopefully you enjoyed it, and share this with someone who you think needs it. And we will be back next week.

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

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