Episode 496: Keeping your Spirits up Through the Winter Months

Hello everyone, welcome to Winey Palooza Wednesday.

Seth has me laughing, so it's hard to talk when I'm laughing.

You must focus.

I am not focused at all tonight.

No.

Oh, I'm gonna yawn my way through. So I'm gonna start with telling you that I've been going to bed at 11:30, which doesn't work for me. Or me, because I get up at 6 and I'm not getting enough sleep.

No.

And not only am I not getting enough sleep and I'm tired, it's also getting dark early, which is also making me tired.

Really? And the time change, you can't forget about that.

I knew you were gonna bring that up.

He makes fun of me every 6 months.

The time change affects people. Okay, do you not think that it does?

I think that's a belief in your mind, and we're going to talk about beliefs.

Seth, the time change affects people.

Time is artificial, it's made up.

Okay, but you still have to get up for work.

Yeah, I can decide it affects me, I can decide it doesn't.

I'm telling you, it affects me.

Oh, I know it affects you. I hear all about it.

I haven't said much. You've said, you've said more than I have.

I know, I was preempting your complaint. I figure if I bring it up, then you won't bring it up, and I'm safe.

So you don't want me to bring it up?

I've been listening to it for 20 years. You act surprised every time the time changes.

I do not.

Okay.

I do not. I'm ready for it. I'm ready for it.

All right, we're geared up. I'm glad you're prepared. We figured it out that it's going to change.

You're ready. I already know that it's going to change. I'm not surprised that it changes.

Okay. Welcome everybody.

We were giggling, laughing before we pressed record, so maybe we should have collected ourselves before we started.

Yes, maybe you should have collected yourself.

So as I was feeling a little bit blue—

winter blues—

um, I woke up yesterday and it was dark and it was raining and it was cold and I just felt so different and I was like, oh no. Now, I don't let myself stay there ever. I don't like negativity. I don't like when people are negative. I don't like— I don't like when I am. I don't like when I'm negative so I don't let myself stay there. So I was like looking over my list of topics and I was like, You need to help yourself. You need to write about keeping your spirits up through the winter months because it has begun. And I don't think it's winter until— is it not officially winter until December 20-something?

Whatever the date is.

Yeah, I don't— so is it technically fall right now?

It's technically still fall. No snow.

I know, but it's cold today. It was cold and rainy and windy.

Yes.

I'm sorry. I will do my best not to yawn. So we're going to talk about how I'm going to keep my spirits up, and I wrote this blog. You can go read it at winiflooz.com. I wrote this blog for myself, and I do that a lot because I figure if I need the help, hopefully other people need the help too.

So you're not alone.

So you let me know if you resonate with anything, if you think anything is going to help you. And when I'm done, or during, please shout out some tips to stay— I know, I just thought of something. People have told me to go skiing and do winter sports.

Yep.

To make it more fun. My mom said that's what we did growing up. Every Sunday, pretty much every Sunday, we went skiing.

Yep. And somewhere along the line you lost your zest for being outside in the cold.

So now I don't want to ski because I don't want to be outside in the cold.

So even though it's fun, so it's so cold.

Do I go sledding with my kids? Sure, if they want to. Do I go skiing with my kids? Sure, if they want to. Do I want to be outside in the cold? Not really. I could definitely be a winter Scrooge. Yeah, I would say.

Yep. Yes, that's a good way to put it.

Yes. Okay, so let's start with how am I going to keep my spirits up? Are you laughing at my hand gestures?

Oh, I thought you were trying to wipe something away, bat something away from your face, and I didn't see anything fly by. I wasn't sure what was happening. What is that?

We are in rare form tonight and nobody is joining us yet. Where is everybody? Are we too early? We were a little bit early.

A whopping 3 or 4 minutes changes everything.

Okay, everybody's gonna join now. So I was taught by my mother to make plans to get us excited.

Okay, you like having something to look forward to.

So when you go on a trip and you feel sad that it's over, just know that you're gonna have more plans that make you happy. So just make other plans. They don't have to be trips, they can be little things, they can be nights out. It could be game nights, it could be book club. Make plans that make you happy and have stuff to look forward to. It helps the winter months. And what I did not write, what I forgot to write about, is I have a lot of people in my life with winter birthdays. Now, they don't like having winter birthdays, but I like that they have winter birthdays because it's stuff to celebrate in the winter. It's something to do, something to do, something to look forward to. And, um, what are we gonna do about Max's birthday?

I haven't looked at the schedule.

It's on a sat— so he goes back to school. Let's say he goes back to school on the 19th.

We might have to—

and his birthday is the following Saturday.

So we either celebrate it early, which we will, or my wife might also make yet another trip up there to take him out for a birthday meal.

How many times will we drive up to Ithaca?

A lot.

Are you okay with that?

Yes.

I keep asking—

way better than a drive to someplace farther.

Well, talk to your daughter. Well, if you could have that conversation.

One day at a time.

So the good news is that Max is semi-close, a few hours away. The bad news is our daughter wants to go further.

Yeah.

So if you know her, if you could have a little chat with her, it would be nice if it was easy to get to her. I don't like this whole plane ride to your kid. I want to be able to hop in my car and drive a couple hours and get to my kids.

Yep.

Okay, romanticize the winter months. So when I was writing my blog, I was curled up on this couch with a blanket, all toasty. Like, think about it as like, I'm gonna make some popcorn and we're gonna have a movie night and we're gonna We're going to make some hot chocolate and we're going to cuddle up. We're going to make some cookies together.

That all sounds good.

Have some cozy rituals, blankets, cuddling, slippers. Get yourself some new slippers. Like, make it romanticize it. Like, make it fun. Thank you. Make it— I'm looking for my word. I'm trying to see what I said. I'm just trying to think of the word. It's not cozy, it's not romanticize. I don't know. When I think of the word, I'll let you know.

Okay, I'll be here.

So curl up with a blanket and a book and some tea and enjoy hibernating.

There you go.

Hibernating inside a little bit more. No, there's lots of people who are outside a lot. I'm just not one of those people. This It's true, you'll see me outside in the summer. So try to get some summer and warmth exposure if you can. I have heard so many people who say if you break up the winter with a trip to somewhere warm, it really helps. So whether that's Florida or the Caribbean or a cruise If you can afford it, do something to break up the winter months and go see the sun. Okay, that's my advice. So maybe my husband will listen to me.

I'll work on that.

Um, Epic Universe. Epic Universe is my vote. No, Epic Universe is our children's vote, and I'm just going along with it.

It is in Florida, and that counts.

I will never say no to a trip to Florida. Never, especially one involved unless there's, unless there's a hurricane, then I'm not coming.

Okay, good. Thank you for the qualification there. I won't try and get you to go during a hurricane. That ruins my plan.

Well, no, in all honesty, our anniversary was September 3rd.

Yep, still is.

Okay, so anyways, I wanted to go to the Atlantis in the Bahamas, but it's, um, hurricane season. Yeah, so we were debating and we were like, do we want to go anyway? So people told— actually, I did a poll on Facebook and I was like, tell me, like, do you travel during hurricane season to places where there could be hurricanes? And people were like, yeah, it's cheaper.

I didn't think about that. You didn't tell me that part.

I never thought about that.

I don't want to get stuck inside the whole time with it raining.

Oh, that would suck if we had that happen.

No, didn't you have friends last year who were like, they went somewhere and they were like, we were inside the whole time because it was raining because of the hurricane or whatever?

Oh my God, that would suck. So If I traveled to the Atlantis in the Bahamas and it rained the whole time, that would suck.

But at least it would suck in the Bahamas at the Atlantis as opposed to here.

That doesn't count if I can't go outside.

You can look outside at the pool.

I would ask, do they give you a refund if it rains? They don't give you a refund?

No.

Okay, so Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Talk to people who love the winter, okay? Do not commiserate with people who do not like the winter. It's going to bring you down and make you sad, and I don't recommend that. I have been reading research about venting. Oh, that's cool.

Focus. Kids going by there.

Why are they going— why are they going by on a scooter at 9 o'clock at night? Shouldn't they be in bed?

Or glow in the dark?

It's a school night.

It is a school night. They should be in bed. You're right.

Okay, do you remember what I was saying about—

don't commiserate venting research.

Yes. So Seth and I have had— I have updated Seth.

Yes.

About venting. He is thrilled.

Yes.

He is so thrilled. My husband was right. So what?

We're recording this.

Well, I want your feedback, so if you watch this, give me your feedback. So women love to vent, okay, for hours, and I thought it was good for us to get it off our chest and get it out. And I was like, vent it all out, I'm here, like, tell me all the stuff. Well, according to the research that I read, neuroscience, it makes it worse. It reinforces the negativity. So my husband has told me for 20 years, okay, so let's say I'm venting a problem to him. Every single woman listening is gonna know what I mean when I say your husband hears your problem and wants to help you solve it.

Yeah.

And women are like, no, no, no, just listen. 'Just listen to what's going on and let me tell you my feelings. Let me tell you how I feel and let me vent.' And I thought I was right. I'm telling you, we are all wrong. I am telling you, your husband is right. Don't get mad at me, don't fall over. We are not supposed to be venting. It is just reinforcing the negative, perpetuating the cycle, perpetuating the feelings. Not solving anything. When your husband says, "How can I help? What can I do? How can we solve it?" Don't get mad. Actually try to shift and, "I'm tired of these kids having so many activities." This isn't how I feel. I'm making this up. "And I have to constantly drive all over the place and they're ungrateful." and I can't fit in dinner and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. How many times do we vent stuff like that? Okay, how are you going to solve that? What are you going to do about it? Are you gonna get supports, carpool, ask your husband to take some shifts, ask your mom to take some shifts? How are you gonna solve it? So I am going to tell you, honey, I am not going to be perfect.

[Speaker] Don't expect it.

But I am going to work on doing better at this.

Awesome, me too.

So don't commiserate with people who don't like the winter all winter. It's going to make you feel worse, it's going to make them feel worse. My advice is try to lift them up because it will lift you up. When we try to make people feel better, it also makes us feel better. And Talk to people who love the winter. My Max and Ella love the winter. If you get Max talking about the winter, he lights up. I'm like, I don't understand.

Yeah, we were walking around Cornell and you were talking about how it was getting cold, and Max is all excited going, yeah, this is gonna be great, I'm so excited, it's getting colder.

Ugh, and I'm gonna worry I'm not going to give you the list of what I'm going to worry about.

That would be venting.

Yeah, but then you can solve my problems.

You just give me the list, or are you giving me all the feelings and the context and the stories associated with it?

Well, yeah, but if I tell you what's bothering me, then you can tell me why it's going to be okay. So see, women tell their— so this is, this is the dynamic that I see in a lot of relationships. We tell our husbands what we're worried about and they tell us why not to worry about it.

And then you say, you're diminishing my feelings.

Well, no, a lot of the times you're right, and I'm okay with that. Women were—

yes, we should all the time about everything.

Listen, we shouldn't waste our time worrying. We are mothers. We want our kids to be safe. Our brains are thinking of every single scenario to try to keep our kids safe. It is a natural mother instinct. It's not wrong. I understand the, um, history behind it. We're trying to keep our kids alive and safe.

Yes, that is your brain's job— keep you alive and safe, keep your kids alive.

So when you are worrying, when you are having anxiety about your children or yourself or your husband or whoever, thank your brain. Thank you, brain. I know you're trying to protect me. I know you're trying to keep me safe. Everything is okay. So do you know that you have to talk to yourself like that? Yeah, to talk yourself down from the anxiety.

Yes, you have taught me that.

Lots of experts have taught me that. Okay, so this is a perfect example today. You have to get daylight exposure, and let me explain what I mean. So I dropped Ella off at 7 AM today and I picked her up at 7 PM. It is very easy if you're going to work to miss the sun.

Yep. Yeah, I got there— normally I get there during this time of year, I get there, it's dark, I come home, it's dark.

Do you look out your window?

My shades are drawn because of the light changing. Would mess with podcasting. So no, I do not look out my window.

So do you ever look out your window? Do you ever, if you're not podcasting, do you ever pull the shades back?

Not really, honey.

You have beautiful windows. Okay, okay, I veto that. Okay, you need some sunlight. Okay, can you get some sun exposure in your office, please?

Sure.

I'm parenting my husband. I want you to see the sun.

Okay.

Okay, so if you're Seth and you're leaving for work in the dark and you're coming home in the dark, I would suggest to go outside and stretch and see some sun. I would suggest to take 5-minute breaks here and there and go outside and see the sun.

Okay.

That's my advice.

I accept your advice.

I wouldn't stay inside all day and never see the sun, especially if your shades are drawn. Are you kidding me? Are you a vampire?

Yes, I'm creating a cave.

I'm married to a vampire. Okay, move your body. I am moving my body less already, so I'm gonna work on this. And I'm talking to myself, not just you. I don't know, I didn't get outside today. It was windy, rainy, and cold. And I was like, I'm gonna go to school, I'm gonna pick up Lily, and I'm gonna do laps while I wait. Well, I pulled up, it was raining, it started raining harder. I was like, this is not gonna happen, I'm gonna stay in my warm car. So at pickups for Ella and Lily, I will do laps at school. I will do laps at home, outside. I move my body. I'm noticing that the weather changing is leading to me moving my body less, right?

Because you're not walking outside, so— which was one of your primary forms of movement for miles. Yeah.

So I either need to bundle up and get myself outside.

Yeah.

Or I need to get on the treadmill.

Yes.

I did weights Good job. So that counts.

It does.

I moved my body for 30 minutes with weights. Awesome. That's something.

It is.

It's just great. It's just not— I just haven't been walking as much, right? Which is very disappointing, but the weather has been so crappy. Yes.

So treadmill it is.

Okay, protect your mood. So, okay, so we notice when we're going down, we notice when we're cranky, we notice when we're sad. Our spouses notice, our kids notice. Like, keep yourself in check. Like, pay attention to your mood. I, I think about how I was taught to keep your marriage in a glass house and to protect your marriage and to not let people into your marriage to bother your marriage. And I like that. So for me, with my mood, I was thinking about my mood in a glass house. Don't let other people, like your 13-year-old, get in your glass house and ruin your mood. Keep your mood, protect your mood, and don't let the rain or the cold or the snow or your daughter change your mood.

There you go.

So protect your mood. So I figured those were some pointers for us to help us get through the winter. It's already cold and rainy and windy. I wonder if we're gonna get any more warm weather coming up.

I don't know.

We're gonna find out.

We are.

We are gonna find out. So let me know if you have any topic requests. I love your topic requests. Um, last week was a topic request, and send them my way. Let me know if you have guest requests. Let me know if you want to be on the podcast. And if I haven't asked you and you think I should have asked you, I am sorry. I'm sure I would love to have you. I am also in the middle of doing the Winey Palooza Mom Challenge for November in the Winey Palooza Mom group on Facebook. It's a free supportive community, so you can come join us and you can jump right into the challenge. It's, um, the 1st through the 5th of every month, so you can go to November 1st You can go comment on every day's question for the 5 days. The more comments you make, the more entries you get. And, um, in a couple days— I will give you a couple days to come join us and answer all the questions. And in a couple days, a winner will be picked and a prize will be dropped off or mailed if you're out of town. And what else, honey?

Go to winypalooza.com and scroll down to the big pink banner to subscribe to the Winey Palooza community newsletter. Where you can get all of Rebecca's amazing free content, including the podcast that she's about to tell you who's going to be on this Friday.

Yes, Dr. Rebecca Heiss, and we talked about transforming your stress to work for you. So we're gonna have stress, so Dr. Rebecca helped us figure out how to use the stress for good.

Awesome.

So I loved her, I loved talking to her. I have so many guests lined up, I'm really excited. I love that I still get excited to do interviews. I interviewed a woman yesterday about college. It was fantastic. I had the best time talking to her, got to talk to her about her daughter, her business, my kids, learned a lot from her. I still get excited, and I'm excited to tell you that my 500th episode is going to come up in November, which is amazing.

Incredible.

So I'm pretty excited about that. And you told them about the newsletter?

I did.

So please subscribe. Yes, I would like, um, I would love for you to, if you are already subscribed to the newsletter, share it with a friend. Share this episode with a friend who you think needs help through the winter months, because most of us do. And I appreciate all the times that you guys comment and like things and share things. I don't think people realize that it helps, um, get it out to more people.

It does. The algorithm sees the share and shares it with more people.

Yes, which is the goal. Yes, yes. So thank you for joining us.

Happy Winey Bluesy Wednesday.

Thank you for making me laugh, Mr. Green.

You're welcome, Mrs. Green.

And I— we will see you next week.