Episode 521: Valentine's Day Special

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Plousa podcast, and I am over the moon excited because I get to interview my amazing, fabulous husband Seth Green for our Valentine's special. Hi honey!

Hi honey, happy Valentine's Day!

I love when you're on the podcast with me.

I love being again your most favorite guest.

It's so much fun, and I have all these questions for you about Valentine's Day.

Oh, well, hopefully I have the right answers.

I am wearing my new Valentine's sweater for those of you who might be watching us.

You look lovely.

I think most people listen, but you can also watch us, um, on Facebook and YouTube, correct, Seth?

Yes.

Yes. So, um, Valentine's Day is tomorrow when this airs, so I thought I would interview my husband. What better guest for Valentine's Day um, the love of my life is here. So honey, what does Valentine's Day mean to you?

Uh, what does Valentine's Day mean to me? It is almost the day that could have been our first date.

Oops. Should I tell people that story?

So, but somebody messed that up.

I might have messed up our first date.

That would have been a cool story that our first date was on Valentine's Day. Instead, obviously, you know, next day Um, still works. Um, but it's very special to me because I was thinking about how excited I was to have our first date.

So Valentine's Day takes on a new meaning to Seth and I. Well, it's a different meaning to Seth and I because, uh, our first date was on February 15th, 2004, and it is now 2026, so it's been 22 years together.

Yes, happy, happy first date, almost anniversary.

So, and Valentine's Day is really— we celebrate our first date basically that whole weekend. That, um, but Seth did ask me out on Valentine's Day, and my dear friends were in town, and I had already made plans with them, so I didn't want to like cancel my plans. I guess I could have, um So we made a date for the next day, which was the 15th. But we could have had our first date be Valentine's Day.

We could have. You could have done lunch with your friends.

We had a dinner date. We could have— you and I could have—

you could have moved it to make room for me.

I could have. I also didn't know how special you were about to be to me.

True.

I also would like to tell everybody that after our first date I did go to work the next day and tell people that I had just met my husband.

She did. This is true. She has co-workers she is still dear friends with who are in the wedding who can verify this.

I don't think they were in the wedding, but they should have been.

Well, some. And then, yes, I did. When I met them for the first time, some of them did tell me that to verify that. I didn't ask, they volunteered that that was the story.

Yeah, I was, I was Like, pretty sure. Yep, yep. How has your idea of love changed since we first met?

It's— I mean, you've made it grow, right? I think back to what I thought my definition of love was at the time, you know, before we met, and now it seems like kindergarten compared to the PhD that my love doctor here has educated me at.

I think that when we fall in love, we think we're as in love as it can get, and then your love grows. And I find that with children too, it's similar, where you have a child and you're like, how can I possibly love the next child when I love this child so much? And love can grow.

You just get more love.

You just get more love.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

If you could relive one romantic moment from our relationship, what would it be?

I don't know that I want to share.

All right. We're keeping this a PG podcast. That's fine. How about what's one little thing I do that makes you feel cared for or loved, even if I don't realize I'm doing it?

Oh my God, you do so many things. Oh my gosh. Every time you bring the cream to the living room and sit on the floor to rub my feet. I feel so loved and taken care of every time you say, honey, sit, I'm gonna go get the kids. I feel like your love, like, take— you're like taking care of me. Um, there was something else. When you show up with coffee, I do that one more. You do so many things. I hope I'm—

Seven Brew is a little out of my way to work.

No, but Starbucks— Starbucks is, is wonderful, honey.

Um, except for the new terrible traffic pattern.

Yes, but, um, hold on, what was I going to ask you? You make me feel so loved. I hope I make you feel so loved.

You do.

I hope so.

Um, I'm still here.

You're still here. What do you think keeps a marriage strong over time?

I think, uh, sharing things together. I think committing to continue to grow in love, right? It's, I want to stay married to you every single day, and I want to make sure that I am making you want to stay married to me every day. And I think that those deposits in your emotional bank account every day compound in our love growth.

And I think people don't realize that, that when they get married, they have like their not getting married and then letting their hair down and doing whatever the hell they want. Like, you want your partner to make the decision every single day that they want to be married to you. So I learned, um, through TikTok, which I love— I've learned so much through TikTok, from nails to books to marriage. I have learned so much. And The latest marital lesson that I have shared with Seth is that you need to have eye contact, you need to always be touching. I'm always reaching for your hand. And do you remember the rest of the advice? I'm trying to remember the rest of the advice. There were a few tips.

I don't remember the other two.

Have more, have more fun. Yes, because we have so— like I just said to Seth, I literally took a a 10-minute break to do some Lego at the table because I had been so productive that sometimes I just need fun. And that goes for your marriage too. We, we are so productive with this one has to go here and this one has to go here, and now we have to eat dinner, and then we need to talk about our plan for the week. Like, there's a lot of like partnership and negotiation and teamwork, Logistics. But you have to have fun. We have to go, we have to have fun together.

If our— you are a very avid reader, one of the many things I love about you. If our love story were a book, what would you call it?

Oh boy, I Have Found the One in Whom My Soul Delights.

Oh, right off of our painting. I love that.

Yes. What's one thing marriage has taught you about yourself?

Um, that I can always be a better version of myself, and then that definition grows every single day thanks to your inspiration.

I feel the same way. I want to be better for you and the kids every day. How do you think we've grown the most as a couple?

Good questions. What do I think we've grown the most as a couple? I think we are always working to better— be better to each other, better together, and better people individually. I think that all compounds over time. I think we have become better communicators and better understanding each other's needs and meeting those needs and communicating together through life.

Well, it's— I have heard over and over again, it's all about communication, and you got to get, got to get good at communication. I think that you want to marry someone that you want to talk to. That's number one. And number two is that I think maturity has done wonders, because I think we were both very defensive people, and I don't think we are. I don't think we are anymore. I think we still get defensive, but when you say, Rebecca, You— I'm trying to think of something you've told me recently. I hear you. Like, I'm open to the feedback because I want to do better. I think that's maturity.

I agree.

What helps you feel most connected to me? PG.

Wasn't going to go there. Words of affirmation and physical touch.

Yes, yes. What do you think couples underestimate about marriage?

I think they— it depends on when you get married, right? We got married, we weren't— we weren't— we were in our late 20s. I think you underestimate how much effort you're going to have to put in, that it's not all roses and sunshine, and that you're gonna have to do the work to grow together as individuals and as a couple together. I think they underestimate the amount of work you got to put in, but What? It's the greatest gift you could ever give.

Well, and you heard from whomever— I forgot who told us this— that you go to marriage to give, not receive.

Tony Robbins.

And I love that. Like, that line sticks with me. There's a couple of marital lines that stick with me. My favorite marital line, and I have to look up who said it, is marriage is two imperfect people who never give up on each other. That's my favorite line. And the Tony Robbins is my second favorite line.

Yeah, that was from the Ultimate Relationship Formula course that you got me as a romantic present.

Oh man, I would love to. We need to do some Tony Robbins stuff.

I have it all. You can, I, you can listen to it anytime you want, or we can watch it anytime. I've got stacks of DVDs. Anytime, baby.

Okay.

And maybe one, one, one day, I'll get you to actually go to a Tony event with me.

Oh my gosh, of course. Absolutely.

I don't know.

I don't know how I'm going to do a 12-hour day.

But anyway, listen, if Oprah can do it, you can do it.

Okay.

What is a new tradition that you would like to start together on Valentine's Day?

A new tradition?

New tradition.

A new tradition?

Something you want to add?

Oh, really? Um, oh boy, that is a hard question. You want a new tradition? I mean, what if we make a marital goal every Valentine's Day?

Like that? Keep— expand on that.

Like, um, I was kind of feeling bad today because I don't have any dates scheduled for us. Like, I don't even have a Valentine's date scheduled because our son is coming home and I want to see him, so I'm not focused on a date with you. So I was feeling guilty today that I can't tell you the last time we've gone on a date. Um, What does that look for?

No look.

Would you like a date?

Yes, but it doesn't have to be when our son is home. We can celebrate Valentine's Day, you know, a week later or two weeks later.

So I would like to make a family reservation for Valentine's Day, and I would like to make a couple's reservation for when he goes back to school.

That sounds like a good plan to me.

That's my idea.

What is one way I can love you better this year?

Um, I don't know if I can talk. Um. I try not to repeat myself, but sometimes I'm upset about stuff and need to talk about it more than once, and I feel bad repeating myself. So maybe just humor that.

I will loosen up, no problem. You repeat yourself as many times as you need to. I just feel bad when I'm sorry—

when I've— are— no, I'm upset. About Tanner. It's just Tanner stuff. It's not you. Um, I got stuff going on that people don't know about, but, um, I didn't mean to cry.

That's okay. I'm kind of curious how my question about loving you better turned— brought up your ongoing— our ongoing dog issues.

Well, because I'm trying not to perseverate. Is that what it is? Is that the word? I'm trying not to, like, I'm trying not to constantly talk about it.

Ah, okay.

I just feel bad when I repeat myself, you know?

Oh honey, I am so sorry I ever made you feel that way. I should have shut up about that a long time ago. You, you want to talk about 17 times, it's fine with me. I will never give you a hard time about that again.

I like when you listen to me without me feeling like we're rushing, and I love—

yeah, I am very guilty of that.

And I like when you hear me and don't get defensive.

I've done a lot of work on the defensive part. I will do more work on the not making you feel like, can you get to the damn point of the story? So I apologize about that.

Okay, so what can I do to make you feel more loved this year?

Uh, you're doing great. Um, more patience and more grace. You know that we process our emotions very differently. So just because— it doesn't mean I'm not feeling the same things as you are right now. It just means I'm either pushing it away for the moment, or I am dealing with it in a different way. I don't want you to feel like you're in it by yourself. I don't want you to feel like I don't have the sadness and the worry and the grief that you have. I'm just not expressing it on air right now. You're doing a better job at being open and transparent, and I'm doing a better job at hiding it.

I was able to hide it when we went live last night when I was all upset.

Yeah, that was impressive.

Sometimes I'm a great actress, and sometimes I'm very authentically me.

Okay, so I'll ask you more of what I— I thought the first question was positive, but I'll try an even more positive one. Sweetheart, when did you first know you were in love with me?

Ah, so it's an interesting question. So I know this is probably not real, but there was this moment when I looked into your eyes when you opened the door, and I felt like I had found my home. And it was—

I got goosebumps.

It was, it was a deep loving feeling. So obviously I needed to get to know you. We had also talked on the phone a lot, right?

For hours a night, every night.

So I felt like I knew you, but I wanted to see you. Like, I felt like I really got to know you on the phone, but I wanted to like see your face like up close to me. And when I did, like, I was like, oh no, what if it's not as good when I see him. And you opened the door and I looked into your eyes and I was like, yep, appreciate that. Did, did you have a moment?

Mine was not as in the first few seconds of our date, um, I would say right before our first kiss. Okay, so, uh, you— I had just done a magic trick for you, and you— I was looking at you and you picked up on it, and you said, what are you thinking? And I said, I can't tell you. And you said, you can't tell me? And I said, no, but I could show you. And you said, you can show me? And you looked at me in this way, and I was like I'm done. I'm good.

Oh, that's so sweet. That's very sweet. I was on a parenting question. How do you think parenting has impacted our relationship?

I think parenting is our biggest— has been in some cases our biggest challenge and our biggest lesson. I think it is our biggest growth vehicle as people and as a couple. And I— so I think it's the most challenging part, and I think it's also the part where we develop and grow the most because we're in it together.

I think it brings us closer together.

Yeah. Because we're in it. That's what— yeah, that's what I meant. I said we're in it together. We're dealing with it together.

What's something you appreciate more now than you did early on?

How amazing you are. I had no idea. I thought I knew. I didn't even have a clue.

Oh my gosh, that's so sweet. How do you handle conflict differently today than when you were younger?

You mean I actually handle it? So my role models in this area thought that kids shouldn't see their parents fight. So they went off— they would go off to a quiet room by themselves and whisper. Um, so I had no model for conflict resolution. So, God, the first— when we were dating and Rebecca would get upset, I'd freak out. I was like, I've never seen this before. Oh my God, the world's gonna end. She's gonna leave. Like, this is terrible. And she was like, what is wrong with you? Like, we're just having a fight.

It's okay. Let me see why Lily's calling. Can you come open the— I thought the— is the front door not open?

Live TV, folks. I'll be right back.

Okay, so our daughter Lily is home. Our daughter Lily is home from cheerleading, and I left the front door open, and she is asking—

she's at home—

she's asking for the garage door to be open, Seth. Just go with it, people. This is our real life. I said to Seth, can we fit in a podcast? We have someone bringing Lily home. We have— I have my phone next to me because Ella's going to call us to come and get her because she's at school. And I'm like, do you think we have time to squeeze in a podcast? Because we are late with our podcast and we should have had it to Adrian at least yesterday. So Adrian, I apologize, but we are trying to squeeze this in.

So, Julia, live television.

So that's all good. We're recording this at home at night. We're trying to fit it in when Seth and I are home and able to do it, and it's not easy, right?

Yes, dear.

So, um, Seth has gotten much more comfortable with conflict over the years. I have taught him that you are supposed to fight. Couples are supposed to have conflict. That's a normal part of a relationship, and we just have to handle it as best as we can and be good role models for our kids. We're not always—

and we're always working to get better at it.

We're not always perfect, but we've grown a lot.

Yes.

What's one small thing that makes a big difference in a relationship?

How do I answer that? What's one small thing? Always be touching.

I think that it was, you know, I've talked about this before with everybody, but I think it was finding out how you like to be loved because I was loving you how I want to be loved.

I think that's— Yes, you'd be like, well, I did the dishes and I took the kids and doesn't that count? And I was like, it's wonderful, but that's not my love language.

I didn't understand until I read the Love Language book. I didn't understand. Um, what do you think helps couples stay emotionally close?

Time together.

Always be touching.

That too. You're a big fan of that one.

How do you balance partnership and individuality in marriage?

Um, I don't know that that's a problem for us. Um, I mean, you take time to go out with your friends, like, take time to do stuff that individually we're interested in that might not be recreational companionship as a couple, right? I don't expect you I'm not going to read every Colleen Hoover book, right? We—

I don't expect you to read any of the books that I read. It's not an expectation.

Hey, I read Fourth Wing. I read the It Starts With Us Ends With Us whatever series. I read a number of— I read the Throne of Sword and Glass or whatever.

Wait, though, why? Why did you read those books?

You were into them. You were really enjoying them. And I wanted to participate.

It's very sweet.

Gives you something that we share, then we can talk about.

I will tell you, I do love when we can talk about books and we like to watch shows together, but, um, I'm gonna just say that sometimes your partner is going to want to do something that you don't want to do, and I think sometimes you find someone else to do it with, and sometimes you buck up and just do it anyway, right?

Like, yes, and make sure that the person you're finding to do it with is a, you know, same-gender friend and all of that stuff.

What do you mean?

You were like, you find someone else to do it with. I'm like, well, let's clarify that.

I meant, I meant a parent, a friend, a daughter. I wasn't talking about like a boyfriend.

Good answer. There you go. Just want to be clear for the folks watching at home.

Oh my God. What's one misconception people have about long-term love? I think we answered that. Okay, I think that was the—

I— we talked about underestimating.

Yeah. Do you have a misconception? I think people think—

I think that they don't— I think the underestimating is how much work it can be. I think the misconception is like that it drops. I don't think it should. I don't think it should be, oh well, we're just roommates now, or we're we're just going through the motions. I want it to get— keep going up and up and up. I wanted to keep ascending. I want to love you more in 20 years than I do right now. Um, that's my thought.

I think the misconception is that people think that, um, you know, like, we have a really happy marriage, but that doesn't mean that we don't have conflict, doesn't mean we don't get annoyed with each other. Like, it's— I don't think that people should expect it to be— it's not about it being happiness all day every day. It's about like the flow of life together. Yes, I think that's— yeah. How do you think couples can protect their marriage during busy seasons?

Try and make— try and make time for each other and spend time together.

You see how fun it was trying to fit this podcast in. Hey, yes, I'm assuming Lily is in the house.

Yes, she, she is in the house and she got dinner.

What's something you've learned about love from watching our kids?

I never thought— I didn't know how much more love there could be.

Oh, you probably had no idea how much you were going to love being a dad.

I thought I— no, I did not. I mean, I wanted to be a dad. I wanted kids. That was really important to me. Um, but you have no idea until you're actually doing it.

Yes. I'll never forget the look on your face when you were like, I've never changed a diaper. Like, how am I going to do this? And I knew in that moment that was a significant moment for me because I knew you had no idea what a good dad you were going to be.

I also had no clue what I was doing.

That's okay. I taught you how to change a diaper.

You did very well.

What does feeling supported in marriage look like to you?

You being here every day and loving me every day.

So me being present? Yes. What advice would you give couples who feel disconnected right now?

Spend some time reconnecting, right? Remember back about when you fell in love in the first place. Picture yourself back in that situation, feeling what you felt, thinking what you thought. Reimagine it and you'll feel it all over again.

Go do something fun together.

Yes, that too.

Put— don't talk about the kids or work or finances or problems. Just go have fun talking about fun stuff. Make a plan for like a trip or something fun.

Yes.

What does choosing each other actually look like day to day?

I think we talked about that. That's the making the decision, remaking the decision every day. Yes, I want to be married to this person, and I want her or him to be married to me.

Agree. What makes you hopeful about Love and Marriage Today? You.

I got the easy button.

What's something you think we do really well together?

That's a lot. We really do well together. Commit to growing together. I think we were really committed to growing together as a couple.

How do you feel we've learned to repair after disagreements?

I think a lot of that is on you teaching me about healthy conflict resolution and then, um, respecting boundaries, respecting when you need space, um, coming back together and making up, and then doing a postmortem and like processing, here's how we could have done that differently for next time, so we learn.

Yeah, it's good to evaluate things. What went well, what didn't go well. That's good to do when you're nice and calm, people. Yes, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you that, like, have conflict in front of your kids. It's okay. Your kids can see you cry. My kids have seen me cry. They've seen me get mad. They've seen me scream with delight. They've seen me do all the emotions. I don't hide my emotions from my kids. I do try to keep my anger under control because I want them to learn to do that. But I don't hide my feelings. What does being a good partner mean to you today?

My big, most important job.

What'd you say?

It's my most important job.

What's one habit you think every strong marriage needs?

Connecting every day.

What's something you still look forward to in our relationship?

Going to bed with you every night.

Aww, I was gonna say, for me, um, there's so many places I want to go with you.

Oh yeah, I wasn't thinking about travel. Yes, there's a long bucket list.

I mean, there's so many things that I still want to do, and that that I still get excited for. And what I did not think about, the season of life that we're in— our oldest is at school, is at college— and I didn't think about like that this is like an adventure for Seth and I, you know. Yes, we go and pick him up, we explore restaurants there with him. Um, I'm sure over the summer or during the nicer weather, we're gonna go explore some of the hiking trails if Seth's, you know, yeah, up for that. If we're both up for that, I should say. Um, I do love exploring beautiful places and different states and different— we haven't really gone to different countries, but I see that in our future. We have— I think I've only made it to Canada. I hate to say it. I don't know that we've gone to other countries together.

We have not.

We went to Aruba on our honeymoon. Yes, that was way too long ago.

It was.

These kids are expensive, people.

Very true.

So, um, anything else that I should ask you?

I think you did a fantastic job as always.

Do you have any more questions for me?

I do not.

So I listen to podcasts. I love to listen to other people's podcasts and learn from them, and they always encourage people to go subscribe to their podcast. So please do that right now. I would so appreciate it. And I would love for you to like leave me a comment of what, you know, resonated with you. What did you like? Uh, teach us something about marriage. I would love to hear about your marriage. And, um, what else, Seth? You know, you do this better than I do.

Well, you should spend every day laughing, learning, and loving, to borrow a line from you.

Yeah.

And I would say subscribe, like, rate, review, share, all of the good things.

So share this with, um, someone who you think would enjoy it. We, you know, we really appreciate all the listeners. It really means a lot to us. And it helps me help provide for my family. So I get to do something that I love for work, and that's because of all of you who are listening. So thank you so much, and thank you to my favorite guest. I love you so much, and I'm so thankful that I get to celebrate our 22nd— well, we didn't really celebrate the first one together, but this is 22 years together.

Amen.

So happy anniversary. Cheers to 22 more.

Amen.

And everybody have a wonderful Valentine's Day and spend every day— go ahead, Seth.

No, I stole your line. I'm sorry.

Laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.