Lessons Learned From Our Road Trip

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

We're in our matching swag.

Oh, how did I— I didn't even notice that you were wearing it.

You don't even pay attention to me.

I want to get another one.

Why do you— what do you need another one? What? Uh, why?

Because this is old.

Are you changing the logo?

No, I want to get a different color and I want you to get a different color. I want to get matching like purple or blue or a different color. I need, I need some variety.

Okay, so we both need the same color and you want to get— so we're going to be wearing purple sweatshirts.

I'm, I'm tired of that gray one.

Okay.

And I'm tired, and I've had mine for a long time, so I need a new one.

Okay, so I was thinking your, your director of design that you would like new sweatshirts.

Hey Randy, how are you? Hi Randy, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. We took last week off and we traveled to Virginia. Yes, my brother, yes, and his beautiful family live there. Yeah, and your brother and his beautiful family live there.

They do indeed.

So we have in total 3 nephews, 2 brothers, 2 sister-in-laws, 3 nephews and 2 nieces who all live within the vicinity of each other.

Yes.

And when we go to Virginia, we get to see all 9 of them, which is absolutely fabulous.

It is fabulous. I'm just making sure that we're live everywhere we're supposed to be.

2 for the price of 1. I'm really punchy. I'm really tired. I'm really punchy. I'm doing okay. I lost my cat a few days ago trying to together her things to donate it. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I see her or his picture in your profile.

Yes, I'm assuming that's the cat.

We understand. We have two cats and a dog, and there are children, so we understand. Um, we know that they're part of your family, and we know how hard it is, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes, that is really hard. I'm so sorry.

Yes.

So we did travel to Virginia. I'm usually looking forward to the trip, and I wanted to see them, but I wasn't looking forward to the 8-hour drive, the actual getting there, the actual— and, and there are times where I'm like, we're going on an adventure, it's gonna be fun. This was not one of those times, and I did not look into flights. I think next time I may look into flights, only because it's a, like, a 45-minute to an hour flight, which is much better than an 8-hour drive. But I like having our car. I like packing up my things and leaving what I want. There's a lot of advantages. The disadvantage is 8 hours is really long. I kept telling myself, Steph, that it could be worse and we could be traveling home from Myrtle Beach which we did drive, which we did do. So anyways, Wednesday we got up. Mistake number 1. We're gonna talk about lessons learned from our road trip, and I want to tell you the first mistake that I made. I am tired. I'm tired right now. I get up really early with the kids, and I make lunches and breakfasts and fill— help fill water bottles and make sure they have all their stuff. And, um, that's what I do. That's what I want to do. I get up early. I probably get up before everybody else, and I start my stuff, which means that I'm tired. And I get up early every single day. So I said to the family, I'm sleeping in. And Max said, oh, thank God, I want to sleep in too, because Max gets up early too. Well, don't do that.

Not on a trip day.

Not on a trip day. I thought I needed sleep. I didn't need sleep. I needed to get on the road. We didn't, we didn't get out, we didn't get out the door till 9:15, which is way too late. Made the day so much longer. So I learned my lesson. And on the trip home, I heard my parents. My parents came too. We did come in separate cars. We live about 5 minutes away from each other, and we did drive separately because my SUV fits 7 people, but literally my SUV fits 5 people with luggage because Seth puts the seats down. Like, Lily literally has a tiny bit of room in the third row to sit, and the rest of the car is taken up by all of our luggage. And then my parents take up their car, which with all of their luggage. So I don't really know how to combine us other than renting— like, you have to rent an RV, like rent an RV or rent like a big huge SUV, something.

I don't know that there's a big enough SUV for 7 people and all the baggage.

What about like— anyway, I don't know. So we did drive separately. My dad likes to get up and go as early as possible, and I heard them up at 5 o'clock. They were up before 5 o'clock, but I heard them at 5 o'clock. And I was like, don't go back to sleep, learn your lesson, start getting ready and get out the door. So I thought that was much better.

Yes.

So we left at 7:15 instead of 9:15. And I'm going to tell all the parents out there, you probably know this already, but you want to be driving when your kids are groggy, or tired or sleeping. Because for— from like 7:15 to 10:15, they don't— we don't hear a peep from them. And that's like 3 hours right there, which means if I left at 5:15— 5:15 to 10:15, that's 5 hours of quiet, right?

Right.

We didn't do that. But so I made a mistake. I made a big mistake and I put our bag of food on the floor at your brother's house. I don't know what I was thinking.

Food for the car, snacks.

I, I bought— Lily had mentioned that she loved that I had bought muffins for the car ride down to Virginia for breakfast, so I did that again and I went to their grocery store and I got muffins and I had all these snacks and I put them all in a bag on the floor. I don't quite know where my brain was there. Sometimes I don't do the brightest things. And their dog got into it. My fault, not the dog's fault.

Yeah, it is the dog's fault. The dog was not physically required to eat your food. Tanner doesn't do it.

Okay, stop. I'm saying Seth is wrong. I am right. You don't put food on the floor, period.

It was in container. It was—

oh my God, stop, stop. Stop, stop. Anyways, the food got eaten and I did not replace the food and I did not stop for breakfast. That is a huge mistake on my part because we learn about our kids, we learn about what makes our kids tick, what causes issues. We have 3 kids, they couldn't be more different. And what we have learned about Lily is that Lily cannot skip meals. And I have learned this over and over and over again. She has to eat 3 meals a day. She has to eat snacks. She becomes a hangry you-know-what when she does not eat. So, my fault, food got eaten. Didn't replace it. Lily fell asleep, woke up absolutely miserable, right? Crying, miserable. Like, I felt so bad. I felt so bad for 2 reasons, and I was blaming myself, which we're going to talk about. And I felt terrible because the night before, she had said she wanted to sleep with me, and all 5 of us sleep on the top floor of the house. There's beds and room for all 5 of us to sleep, but nobody likes to sleep together because they don't sleep well when they sleep together. So I put Lily on my niece's trundle bed and told her to sleep there, and she didn't sleep well for many reasons. And she had said she wanted to sleep with me, so of course I was feeling bad because she didn't sleep well. And she had told me she didn't want to sleep there and I didn't have breakfast for her. So, I had 2 strikes against me. So, when Lily was melting down and crying and miserable, I was 100% blaming myself and getting all upset. So, Max says she just needs food and I was like, Lily, I have a bag full of a ton of food. Let me give you trail mix. Let me give you a granola bar. Let me give you something. Eat some chips. Eat something. And she was like, no, I need a meal. Like, you need to stop and get me real food. So we find a place for lunch. We stop. Max is like, can we please eat here? Can we not eat in the car? And I was hot to trot. I don't know why. I don't know why I'm like rushing home. I always wonder why I'm rushing.

You don't want to rush to—

yeah, well, I was like, I— we're driving to Virginia on Wednesday and they're like, we got to get there, we got to get there, we got to get there. And I'm like, why are you in a rush? They're in a rush to get out of the car. And we're driving home and I'm like, why are you rushing to eat in the car? Like, sit down, have a meal with your family, take a timeout from your road trip. And Lily was like, "Oh, thank you. I need to be out of the car and I need to eat here and thank you so much." And she started eating and she was completely different right away. Like, all she needed was food. So, learn what your kids need, give them what they need. I have to make sure Lily eats all 3 meals every day. Ella, not a problem. She needs to eat but nothing like that. Max, Max skipped breakfast and lunch today. That's a whole nother blog topic, a whole nother vlog topic. We're not going to talk about it today, but Max is absolutely fine when he skips meals. So, we're at the place, we're eating the food. Lily is completely and 100% better. Max says, "Mom, I'm gonna tell you what I noticed. What I notice is Lily gets upset." then you get upset, then Dad gets upset that you're upset, then Ellie gets upset that Dad's upset, and then I get upset because everybody's upset.

Yeah.

And he's like, I noticed this pattern in our family.

Out of the mouths of babes.

So first of all, how wonderful that our kids grow up and learn stuff about your family and can share with you. So if you don't identify a pattern in your family that you need to work on, maybe ask your kids, like, what kind of pattern— what kind of patterns or sequences do you see happening over and over again that we can work on? So I was like, oh my gosh. And then I was like, well, I started to think about it. And I was like, well, when Lily was melting down, I was feeling really guilty. So I was getting really upset because I was blaming myself. For screwing up about the sleep situation and the breakfast situation. And then my kids were like, well, you do that all the time. You blame yourself all the time. Like, why do you blame yourself all the time? And I was with my friend the other day, and she started blaming herself about something. And I was like, oh my God, this is, this is what women do. This is what mothers do. It's like we think we're responsible for everything, right? So I was like, okay, I was like, the next— like, we've identified the sequence. Once we identify it, we can work on changing it. And we've identified that when Lily gets upset, I get upset. And that triggers the whole pattern of the family. It's a— thank you, I was looking for the domino word. It's a domino effect of the whole family goes down. It's like Lily starts it. And then one by one, we all fall over. But the reason why I fall over to start is because I'm blaming myself and feeling bad and guilty for her feeling like this. Like, if you would have let her sleep with you, she would not be as tired. If you would have gotten her some food this morning, she wouldn't be melting down. You know she needs to eat. So if you know she needs to eat, why didn't you get her breakfast? So this is stuff— that's your self-talk, right? This is my self-talk. And I'm like, okay, so the next time Lily gets upset, what am I going to say to myself?

What are you going to say to yourself?

I think that what I'm like—

it's like a baby. Is she hungry? Does she need to be changed? Does she need to burp?

Oh my God, does Lily need a bathroom ASAP? Did she eat her breakfast and lunch?

She needs a nap.

Did she drink any water? So I need— just need to go through the checklist. Yes.

Okay. That's awesome.

The next time Lily— well, I can do all the prevention. So first we're going to talk about prevention. Yeah, I can stay on her ass to make sure she eats all of her food. Okay, when we're, when we're home in the morning and she's like, I'm not hungry, I'm too tired for breakfast, I'm like, you're gonna eat something. And there's so many parents that are like, ah, my kid's not hungry in the morning, just go to school. Well, that's Max, and that's fine. I still think he should eat something. I do throw a protein shake at him, but I know Lily, and I know she needs to eat. So, I'm gonna do all the preventative things. I'm going to make sure she eats her meals. I'm gonna make sure she drinks her water. I'm gonna make sure she gets the best sleep that she can get, which means I'm gonna wrap this up soon so that I can make sure she goes to bed. I can do all the preventive things, which really, really helps, but doesn't mean it's never going to happen. Right. So when it happens, what am I going to say to myself? I'm going to say to myself, this is the situation. What are you going to do to solve it? Not, this is all your fault. Not, if you would have done XYZ, you wouldn't be here.

Yeah.

First of all, I'm not perfect. Maybe we're going to miss lunch because we're shopping and I don't stop in enough time to eat lunch. I can prioritize it, but I'm not going to tell you that I'm going to keep a good Lily food schedule every single day.

Nobody's perfect.

So I need to have some grace and understanding for myself that I'm not perfect and I need to not go straight to Lily's melting down, it's your fault.

Right. That just makes you worse.

Right.

Makes everybody worse.

So thanks to Max, we have identified a family pattern. We have seen the boom boom boom boom boom. One family member goes down and the rest of us follow. I'm going to stop it. I'm going to interrupt the pattern and interrupt the cycle, and I am going to get to the bottom of the issue, which is that I blame myself and that's why I get so upset. Does that make sense to you?

I did not know that part. I didn't know that part of the reason you were getting more upset than perhaps an amateur like me would think was warranted for this situation is because of the self-blame is making— pushing you over, where as opposed to it just could be, okay, she's angry, we'll just get her some food.

I get there. I'm sorry, I was looking at a text message that I shouldn't be looking at. Okay, well, what you and I have identified in past understood.

Yes.

Is that I need to keep myself calm and cool in order to handle her. So we've identified that I need to not escalate with her.

Right.

What we didn't identify is the self-talk.

Yes.

Underneath it of the blame. Now, I'm not going to tell you that I'm blaming myself every time. But I'm going to tell you that I think we nailed something when we were talking about it. So I'm so glad that we stopped for lunch. I'm so glad that we— you know what's so nice is that when we sit around a table, like whether it's the dinner table or we're out and we're sitting around a table, it really is such a good conversation versus grabbing food, trying to eat in the car, trying to talk to each other in the car, trying to talk to each other running to an activity. Like taking the time to eat a meal together, we have some good conversations. Yes. So I appreciate that, and I'm— I am proud of myself. So see, I did something right.

There you go.

My kids were asking me for something that they needed. They needed to get out of the car, they needed to take a timeout from the trip, and they needed to have us stop and eat food and just be together. And I'm so glad I listened to them because I was gonna be like My automatic thought was, no, we're getting this food and we're jumping back in the car and I want to get home. Yeah, that was my automatic thought. But why am I impatient? Why am I rushing? I like that they slowed me down. I like that I listened to them. And I'm not going to tell you that I'm always going to give my kids what they need over what I want. But this time I did and it paid off. And I don't know that Max would have told us that. If we didn't stop.

If it hadn't happened, yes.

So we learned a lot on this road trip.

We did.

I think the road trip down went okay until the last hour when we were all really done. And I was pissed at the GPS for taking me on this crazy route. But maybe if I had positive self-talk, yeah, and maybe instead of saying to myself, what I was saying was this GPS is so stupid. Where is it going? Where is it taking me? Why isn't it taking me on my normal route? Instead of saying that, if I would have been saying, thank you, GPS, I bet you you are avoiding a lot of traffic for me and I really appreciate you. If I would have had more positive self-talk, I wouldn't have gone downhill at the end of our trip.

Amen to that.

So, the ride down, we did it. We made it. We left too late in the morning. The ride back, we left early enough, I think. We could have been— stop doing that. Um, the ride back, I think we left early enough, but I think I went down with Lily. Lily was sleeping, she was taking naps, and when she woke up and went downhill, I went with her.

Yes.

And the rest of the family followed me. But I think that the lunch reset us. I think Lily got to a better place. And then we got in the car and we finished our trip. And I think the rest went smooth.

It did. I have identified another pattern.

Okay.

And that a GPS takes you a route that you don't have in your head and you get mad and cranky at the GPS. And then that extends to other places.

That's true. That's very, very true. I will try not to do that. I do, I do know from living here and knowing the routes that sometimes the GPS is stupid, so maybe I generalize that. Um, I do not always agree with the GPS directions. I think sometimes it's too complicated. I don't know why it changed the route. I don't know if it was like there's an accident. I wish it would tell me Maybe they need to come out with it so that it tells me and it goes, "I am switching your route because there's too much traffic. I am switching your route because there's an accident up ahead." Like, it's not telling me why it's switching.

Right, you just have to have blind faith and trust.

Okay, so I will try to have more positive self-talk with the GPS. Have you identified any patterns with yourself?

Max picked the one. Max hit the one where after you and Lily get upset, I get annoyed or upset that you're upset, or upset at Lily for being upset, or upset at both of you.

Right.

Um, it's Dr. Cheryl. You're looking up— you're looking to see who's on the podcast Friday.

Yeah, because I, I mean, so, so I need to put an alert on my phone.

Yes, at 8 o'clock PM.

Yes. That goes ding ding, look up who's on the podcast. Okay, I'll do that right now. So anyways, I'm not putting the alert.

I'll do that right now while I'm live.

Hold on, I gotta go on my phone.

Okay, literally. So there's a pattern right there. I think you are literally meaning every word that you say. Oh my gosh, causes you stress.

Do you know how hard it is that he believes every single word I say. I could say, "Go eat shit!" Yep. And he would think that I meant it.

Yes, you have said many things that were out of frustration or stress, and I believed you.

Okay, so one of the things— we're getting to marital patterns— but one of the things that I do is I say things I don't mean when I'm upset.

Yeah.

And he believes me. So if I know that Seth is very, very into words—

literal—

if I know that Seth is very literal, I need to be careful about what I say.

Yes, we have had that discussion many times.

And you need to give me grace that I'm not perfect.

I don't expect you to be perfect.

So anyways, our trip was fun. We saw our family. I love seeing them. I always love seeing them. It is always hard for me to leave. I feel like there are bits of me in Virginia. Um, I definitely have pieces of my heart in Virginia. I love, love, love when I get to see them. And our trip was successful because we got home safely.

Yes. And a trip is all that matters.

That's all that matters in the grand scheme of this whole discussion. We got home safely.

We got there safe.

We got there safe. We saw our family. We got home safe, success.

Yes.

And came home to our pets well taken care of. So that's wonderful too.

Yes.

So on the podcast this Friday is Dr. Cheryl and the topic is, oh, this was, I forgot about this. This was a while ago already, discussing war and other challenging topics with your kids. This was a good conversation and I love Dr. Cheryl. So tune in on Friday for Dr. Cheryl, and we don't just talk about the war, we talk about other difficult topics with kids. And on December 1st, which is also Friday, I think I'm going to start the December holiday Whiny Pooza Mom Challenge. So come to the Whiny Pooza Mom group on Facebook. It's a private group. It is a supportive group for mainly for moms, but we have dads and non-moms too. You want support? Come and join us. We lift each other up. We support each other. We talk about challenges. It's free. It's fun. I love it. And I like to do a challenge every month and give away prizes.

So we also have the announcement that we have started in the last week or two, the Winey Palooza newsletter. It is an email newsletter filled with marital and parenting tips, tricks, and tactics, along with all the latest things going on. So if you are interested, it is absolutely free. If you'd like to sign up, comment newsletter wherever you're seeing this post, and we'll connect with you and make sure you get on the newsletter list.

Um, that is—

Sandy says love the newsletter. Sandy is already getting it.

Now wait, how is— are you emailing my list? Yes, you're emailing the list. Okay, so Seth— so Seth is the marketing man, the marketing genius. And he has formed a list of my people. So if you would like—

Yes, if you registered for the original Wineapalooza Summit earlier this year, we put you on the newsletter list.

So if you're not on the list and you wanna be on the list, tell us. 'Cause his latest venture, his latest idea, he comes up with a lot of ideas. So when you wonder where the summit came from, that was him. Where you wonder where the vlog came from, that was him. Where you wonder where the blog came from, he was like, you know, you're writing all the time, why don't we make this a blog? And then he was like, honey, you'd be really good at a podcast. What are you gonna come up with next for me?

The newsletter, that's in the last 10 days. Can that hold me for a little while?

A long time.

I don't know about that. It'll be for a while.

I love the newsletter. Thank you, Sandy. I'm so glad that you like it.

Um, yes, it's email, and I love it because I don't— can't always catch you live and listen to podcasts. Awesome, Sandy, it's for you.

Well, and what I also found out is that a lot of you listen to podcasts and vlogs, and I don't know it. So you gotta tell her. Well, no, I love— I was getting there. Oh, I love that you're doing it. I love that you're watching us not live. And I love that you're listening to the podcast. And I love when you tell me— I just had a woman, a wonderful woman, tell me that she loved the podcast with Ella. I did do one with my daughter. And the one when I do them with my kids and my husband, they tend to be the most popular, which is interesting to me. So tell me more about that and why you like that so much. But, um, what was my point? I love when you tell me, and I love when you when you text me or comment or like it or like let me know what you liked from it because if you tell me then I can do more of that.

Yes, and feedback.

And I have learned through the world of marketing that when you like things, comment on things, share things, review, review the podcast, give the podcast 5 stars, hopefully, then they send it out to more people. So we're learning.

The more you interact, the more it helps other parents and moms.

Yes. So my son said the other day, I hate vloggers. And I took it really, well, no, I'm gonna tell you what he followed up with. And I took it really personally. And I was like, Max, do you know that I have the thing that's live every Wednesday night is called a vlog. Do you know that? And he's like, oh Mom, you're not a vlogger, you're helping people. He's like, I like what you're doing because you're trying to help people. So phew, because I did not like when he said— and I did challenge him because I told him that the vloggers that he doesn't like give a lot of entertainment value, kind of like the television does that he watches. I'm just saying.

Yes, we are more educational and they might be purely for entertainment.

Yes, so I got approval from my 16-year-old son, which makes me really happy. So I'm gonna go put my daughters to bed and I want to thank you so much for joining us and I want to wish you a wonderful week. Thank you for watching Winey Clues Wednesday with the Green Family.

Ciao ciao, chicken.

Thanks, Ella. Bye everybody.

See you all next week.