Parenting Podcast Episode 149: Helping Children Cope with Dr. Ambroes Pass-Turner
In this episode of the Whiny Palooza (Parenting) podcast, host Rebecca Greene, a licensed clinical social worker and mother of three, interviews Dr. Ambrose Pass‑Turner, a counseling psychologist, professor, author, and owner of APT Counseling Services. Dr. Pass‑Turner shares her personal motivation for entering the helping professions, outlines her professional background, and discusses her two books—Rex’s Journey (a story teaching children to recognize and cope with emotions) and the forthcoming ADHD Warrior (strategies for managing ADHD behaviors). The conversation covers the critical need for early emotional regulation, the role of structure and consistent routines in supporting children with ADHD, and the importance of parents actively listening, validating, and problem‑solving with their kids. They delve into how to spot signs of childhood sexual abuse, the necessity of parental vigilance, and the value of treating each child as an individual rather than applying a one‑size‑fits‑all approach. Dr. Pass‑Turner emphasizes modeling appropriate behavior, using visual cues such as a “stop sign” to help children self‑regulate, and the collaborative partnership required between parents and therapists. The interview also touches on professional development—licensing, trauma‑focused certifications, and continuing education—as key to effective practice. Throughout, the tone remains conversational, supportive, and instructional, offering concrete, actionable advice for parents seeking to foster healthier emotional and behavioral outcomes for their children.
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No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.
Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.
Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am so very excited because I have Dr. Ambrose Past Turner with us today. Thank you so much for being here today.
Thank you, and it's a pleasure to be here, and thank you for the invite.
Well, you are an impressive lady. You're— I'm going to read your bio, but this is just like a snippet of her. You need to look her up because wow, was I impressed. Um, she is a doctor of counseling psychology, owner of APT Counseling Services, licensed psychotherapist, professor, and author. Dr. Pass Turner has worked in the mental health profession for over 20 years. She published the book Rex's Journey: Helping Children Understand and Cope with Emotions and the forthcoming ADHD Warrior: Helping Children Conquer ADHD Unwanted Behaviors. Well, um, like I said, that's just a snip— that's like a tiny, uh, snippet of you. I was reading about you online and Holy moly. So let's learn from you. I want to learn so much from you today. I know I will. And I want to start with asking you, what inspired you to become a therapist?
Well, you know, I do believe that our personalities, in which research does show us this, is formed by the age of 5, and it continues to develop through the lifespan. And I always, even at a young age, I always like helping people. I love animals, you know, and things like that. And so I, I knew that I wanted to go into the helping profession.
Oh, I love that answer. No, keep going.
So that was my journey. I knew that whatever I did in life after high school, it would be helping people, and I like giving back to my community.
Oh, I love that so much. Well, and you wrote, you know, I got to read your book, you sent me your book, and I loved it. The book is called Rex's Journey. And can you tell everyone about your book and what inspired you to write it?
It was on parents and children that I see in my practice every day. I work very closely with parents You know, I feel their fears, their concerns, you know, and I know that it's impossible for me to see every child in this world because believe me, if I could, I would. Oh, but I can't. So then I decided to, to write books of some of the common things that I see within my practice and the techniques that I utilize. And therefore I know that if you stay consistent consistent with it, it will work.
Well, and you're reaching so many people by writing books, so that is a, is a brilliant reason to do it. Um, what, what message are you hoping that parents and children take away from your book?
Well, what, what Rex's Journey is about is he's got this little boy, he's 5 years old, and, um, he's having, um, he experienced different emotions, like from happy one moment to sad. What you will take away from this book is that children, they go through things just like we do as adults. We take— I take you on his journey and the things that happen as he go through, um, dealing with those emotions. And then he learned how to cope with those emotions in a healthy way. Children need to self-regulate because if they don't self- self-regulate at this age. This is when we see the depression, the anxiety, the worry, and, and not able to handle things once they get— become adolescents and into adulthood. So it starts here. So just show— teach them the techniques, you know, to help them better be able to understand and cope with their emotions.
It's very frustrating for me because my kids talk about math and spelling and social studies and they're like learning all this stuff and maybe it's because I'm, you know, maybe it's because I'm a therapist, maybe that's why, but I get frustrated because they need to be teaching kids in school from a young age about coping skills, problem-solving skills, regulating themselves. I feel like that is like the way to succeed in life.
And, you know, I think that, um, social-emotional development is just as important. And I think we, we should take more of a holistic approach because I do believe that the mind, body, and soul need to be in sync.
100%. That's such a good way to explain it. Well, and you are talking to parents all the time. What mistakes do you see parents making?
Sometimes I think not having enough structure in the home, um, because what, um, research has shown me— because the book, the forthcoming book ADHD Warrior, I did a lot of research with that too, that book. And I think, um, if we have children who have ADHD and, you know, diagnosed with ADHD If the parents follow a routine at home, those skills will transition into the classroom. We will have less issues, you know, and that's what I see sometimes— not enough structure at home, spending too much time on games instead of, you know, being outside doing extra exercise, you know, the things we used to do when we were kids, you know, just go outside and get some fresh air. I think, you know, playing games are good because yes, they help stimulate the brain when we need that also, but I think that there needs to be a combination. Yeah, and that's what I see a lot.
That was kind of pointed out to me in a backhanded way because my daughter said to me, I love going to Grammy's house because she gets us all off of our cell phones. And I felt like this, like she didn't mean to slap me in the face, but I felt this, like, I was overcome with, oh my God, I'm letting them be on technology too much.
And one thing about children, they're so honest. Yes, yes, yes. I was like, go mom, points for my mom for getting them off of their cell phones. Yes, they say whatever comes to their little minds I, I love it. I know.
And my youngest is just so honest and you gotta love it because the older two are more filtered. So, well, you're an expert with working with behavioral and emotionally disturbed children over 20 years. I mean, I know we're talking about structure. What other steps can parents take to help their disturbed children?
I, I think sometimes, um, listen more. Because as parents, we, we don't do that all the time because we're so busy. We have so much going on in our lives. But you know, sometimes when I, when I get children in my office, all they want to do is just me to listen. And I give them that attention like, you're the most important person in my life for this hour, you know. And that's all. I think that they want to be just listened to them. Try to understand their point of view, which will sometimes be so much different from ours, but then validate those feelings and what they're going through. And then also, you know, help them to understand situations because they get in situations like bullying, or what I see a lot is at young ages, I'm seeing self-harming behavior. Oh my God. I'm seeing eating disorders. I'm seeing self-esteem. Self-esteem as low as 8, 9, 10 years old, you know, no self-confidence. Terrible. You know, things like that. So I think we have to listen to our children, talk to, talk to our children, go to the process of trying to understand, and then help them to problem solve and to develop appropriate, appropriately problem-solving skills. 100%.
So important. I work at home throughout the day, and to the parents listening, You can all relate to this. You know, I will be in the middle of an email or in the middle of whatever, and Lily is like, wait, I want to tell you this. I want to tell you this. Get off the computer. I want to tell you this. And sometimes it doesn't even register that she's trying to get me to listen to her. Like, put the work away and listen to your kid. Ah, I'm throwing myself under the bus. I'm doing my best. So you talk about conquering ADHD unwanted behaviors, and it's so important. I mean, in the classroom, at home, how can we as parents help our kids with these unwanted behaviors?
I think the first thing we have to do, and this is, um, I'm big on writing things down. First, you have to target the behavior that you want to improve. Okay.
Yes.
And then from there you come up with a specific plan of this is how— listen, give you an example. Um, after school every day when you, when you get home, you're going to go into your room and we're going to start on your homework for 1 hour. So you have to have that routine and do it consistently, and whatever you decide, you stick with it.
That's really good. I, it's interesting that I did that naturally as a kid because I wanted my to get my homework over with, but I think that they definitely need a routine because I've noticed the last couple mornings my daughter's working on homework and I'm like, you need to get this done the night before, and this is new. Um, so yes, they need a routine, 100%. You're so right. And, you know, this next topic is so difficult. Um, let's talk about childhood sexual abuse for a minute. Um, another thing that you're an expert in. You're an expert in so many, like, amazing fields of work. Um, how can parents identify if this is an issue for their child? And I know they need to seek counseling, but what else can they do for their kid?
I think that's when they talk into it, talking to your children and checking in every once in a while to make sure everything's okay. Um, make sure you know who your children are with and who your children are around. And, you know, and if you just notice some changes in, in behavior, you know, someone can be very active and now they turn into an introvert, you know, and, and you just want to pay attention to your child. You know, and then of course if you're bathing your child or you see something that looks suspicious, you know, suspicious like harm, you know, something like soreness, or even if kids complain of soreness in that area, it's a good re— there's a reason to check it out to make sure everything's okay. But I think the most important thing is checking in with your children to make sure that they're okay. And then, you know, and just look for any changes. And if you see any changes, you have to talk to them about that, you know. And it's just, we were talking about that in class because I also teach a psychology class, and we were talking about childhood, about childhood sexual abuse because I wrote the book Childhood Sexual Abuse. Um, um, see, look at, I can't remember, Childhood's Pathway to Mental Health Issues and Delinquent Behavior. We actually was talking about that. I did a dissertation on child sexual abuse. So we were talking about it in class and what we just talked about, how so many people still keep it within the family. It's still, you know, it's still like it's our secret and it doesn't get out. And the reason why, because it's generation of abuse. My, someone said, you know, to me once, My grand— my grandmother said it happened to her. It happened to her mother. So for me to just get over it, it's just how it happened, you know, within the family. But I— yeah, so it's just important to just, to just listen, be very observable, observable, because we know our children. Yeah. You know, and especially if they're, you know, if they complain of soreness or hurting or anything, then you should take them to the pediatrician and let them check them out to make sure they're okay. Because in a lot of cases with child abuse, children are afraid to say anything, you know, because there's so many, you know, if you say anything, I hurt your family, or if you say anything, it's gonna tear our family apart. So that's why so many children won't, because they are afraid. Yes.
Well, and the other thing that you talk about, which is so true, is people tend to minimize the abuse.
Why do you—
why is that? Why do people minimize it?
Um, because I, I think they feel guilt, and a lot of people feel like it's their fault, and that's why they blame themselves. And the first thing that— the first thing I try to teach them, especially with children, um, is that you were a child. And these are, these are people who are adults now, but you were a child. You were a child. You had no control. You know, all is— when you're children, the control is given to the adults. You had no control. There's no way you could have stopped that. So I think, you know, they blame themselves, and there's always a lot of guilt.
So true. Well, and, and who knows what the adult is saying to them. This is all your fault, right? Oh boy, um, such a hard topic. It really is. What do you wish that parents knew?
That, um, children are individual people with different personality, and I think we have to treat them according to that. I've never believed that we can treat all our children the same. Because you might have someone, a child who is more sensitive. You know, you may have another child who may be out independent. You know, so I, I, because I think sometimes what parents do is they make the mistake of trying to treat all their children the same.
Yes, yes. I've always wondered how the same parents, my husband and I, gave birth to 3 such different kids. How did that happen?
Unique in their own way. Yeah, different personalities. You know, one may be more independent, one, you know, they're just so different. And I think that we have to, you know, respect that, that individualization and then work within that when we're dealing with our kids, just like with education.
Such good advice, but I feel bad for teachers. I mean, 30 kids in a class with 30 different individual needs, like, that's a high—
that's a big task.
It is.
Yes, it is. And the different personalities and everything, you know, and, uh, it's, it's a big task. Yeah. And it doesn't always happen, you know, um, within the school system, and that's understandable because like you say, there's just, just too many. Um, but I do feel like they do the best that they can do with whatever they have to work with. They're great. I love teachers.
Well, and you, you're a professor, so you know, you're, you're teaching— well, you're teaching what, adults?
I would say, yeah, undergraduate and graduate.
That's amazing. Oh, you probably love it, and you're probably so good at it.
Thank you.
I love I loved the professors who were actually doing the work too, you know what I'm saying? Who were like in it. I felt like it was so much more powerful. Well, over 20 years of work, any case or two that stands out to you? Obviously without names. I mean, you don't have to share, but anything that you can share with us that was just so moving to you or something that stands out?
I think with, um, I think when I think about cases, um, I would probably see the success, the success that I have when I see a child come in, come in to see me and there's so many issues and I work with that child and I see that child get better in school. Yeah. Um, also, you know, I, uh, I always, if I have strategies or or interventions that I'm utilizing, it's always something that the mother, the parent, take to the school and tell the teacher. If whoever starts to act out, say, remember, oh, remember Rex's journey? What would Rex do? Remember that stop sign? You know, I have like a stop sign that I have them to, I send them this big old stop sign and you need to color that. And so when you feel like you want to act out or do something or be impulsive, I want you to remember, close your eyes and imagine that stop sign. And I want you to stop. I want you to think. And then I want you to say, okay, I have to make good choices. So to me, it's a success. It's just because I've seen so much. And just to hear that, you know, no report from school. He or she is doing great. It makes me feel good and it makes me feel that I'm doing the right thing.
Oh, I love that. And I love the stop sign. Like, I pictured a stop sign in my head. You know, adults listening, we can use stop signs visually in our head too. Mm-hmm.
Because I'm even— and I have asked them, the teacher, would you ask the teacher to take this to his desk? You know, so, and yeah. you know, and things like that. I'll put it in a classroom somewhere so that, you know, he can see it. But yes, but I think that's, you know, just, um, being able to see parents with less stress, see the child happier, it makes me happy. And so I know, okay, it's working great.
That's awesome.
To just see where they started and where they ended up is what is so important to me. Oh, I bet.
And I love the idea of visual cues. Like, even for myself, I'm so visual, to like hang up visual cues for myself in my house, for my daughter. I don't do that. I really do like that. Yes. So you give so much advice. What— let's, let's turn it around. What's the best advice you've ever gotten?
The best advice I ever received was an undergraduate, um, from one of my professors. And she said to the class, no matter what you do in life and whatever route you decide to take, make sure you get license and certification. And then we are— this, that's what she said to us. And, um, it's so funny because she's a clinical psychologist. Okay. And we actually— she sends me, um, clients and I send her clients, and she calls me and asks me things, you know. So, so that's great. So that was the most important thing I think that I, that I took away is, is, you know, is to always, um, make sure you get licensed and, um, get, just get certification. That's what you need because that makes you stand out and it makes you more marketable. So that's always— it has all— I have a son in college now and I said, okay, he's a junior. I said, when you're senior year, we're going to start looking at these different slices of certification that you can get. And you will get that.
That's, you know, that's really— I— that is not what I expected you to say. And it's really funny because You know, if you— if, if people listening look you up, you have a list, like a long list. I mean, like, so impressive. Like, you took that advice and you ran with it. Any certifications, continuing education stand out in your mind that were the most beneficial to you? Because there are so many that you took.
I would probably say, um, The ability to work with trauma, a lot with trauma clients. I think so because I've worked working with children or adults who have experienced abuse, domestic violence, sexual, physical, whatever. Being able to work with those clients and sometimes I have to go to court and testify in certain cases. So I think being able to work through the trauma process with people who have been victims, I think it's been very helpful.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, your list is unbelievable. I need to go read it again. I was like, this and this and this.
I remember when she says, I've been looking for you. I couldn't find you. I was wondering where were you. And somebody— She found me somewhere on the internet. And I said, I said, I said to her, I did what you told me to do. She says, yes, you did.
It's really good advice. It really is. And as a social worker, like I'm required, I love it that I'm required to do the continuing education because we're always, we're always learning and growing, right?
Yes.
Do you find that there's certain advice that you hear yourself repeating time and time again with clients?
With children, you know, it's, I want you to be happy. I don't want you worrying a lot. I want you to enjoy life. And that's what I told children, because sometimes children are so stressed. You just would be surprised of, you know, what they're in their mind is thinking about, you know, things that they really shouldn't be worried about. And if they are, let's work through that and see why you feel that way. Let me— let's see how I can build your self-esteem, your self-confidence, so you know you are such a wonderful person, you know, and things like that. So yeah, yeah, yeah, that's—
I love that. Well, and we've talked about coping strategies for kids. Any coping strategies that you share with parents, for parents to use for themselves?
Just, I think communication. And I always tell parents just to remember that your children are watching you. So even when you don't think so, you're modeling for them. Yeah. Relationships, just want to be careful of the— family dynamic within the family system. You just want to, you know, because they're picking that up. And a lot of things that what children see at home is the same behavior that they see in the classroom. And so it's like we're sending mixed messages because we're telling you, you shouldn't behave that way. But that child is going home and that's what that child is seeing. So we're making it, you know, we're causing confusion. It's like, they're like, what do I do? Well, I don't know. Well, you're telling me that it's wrong, but this is how we communicate at home. And this is how we interact with each other. Yep.
I heard a little boy walking down the street yesterday swearing up a storm. A little, a little boy.
And I was like, oh, that does not sound good. And that's the thing. So, so when he gets in the classroom, He'll probably do the same thing. And you're going to say, no, you can't. He's going to look at you like, what? Because we must remember that the family is the first teacher. The family is where we learn how to communicate with others. The family is where we learn socialization skills. Everything within that family. And so what we learn within that family, we take it out into the real world.
Yes, it's a lot of pressure.
We have to be, yeah, we have to be careful. We have to try to model appropriate, you know, behavior. But those are the most important things. And I always just suggest that parents to think that, you know, children do not get better without the parents also helping. You know, you might come and see me every twice, twice a month, but you're there 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. So what I need you to do is to practice. You know, I need consistency. You know, and that's what I tell them. I need you to help me, you know, so that I can help your child.
Oh, that's amazing advice. You can't do it without the parents, right?
You can't, you can't do it without the parents. Top of the list.
What, what would you say you like best about what you do?
People, um, interacting with people, just, um, interacting with people, um, being in the same space with people and just being able to form those relationships. And I, and I think that the fact that I have a very genuine personality and people can tell that I care when you're with me, I think that's what's important, that they You know, you can tell when you, when you meet someone for the first time, they're nervous, they're not sure, and they're not sure— you can tell it, you know, not sure, like, if I'm gonna like her or, you know. But after spending a few minutes with me, when is my next appointment? Oh, you know, and I can tell that they're, you know, they're, they're at ease. I have little things that I do, you know, I can feel it. I was like, okay, I gotta Work a little harder. I'm going to get her. She's going to be OK, or he's going to be OK. But I think it's just relationships. Relationships are so important. And I think that people need to feel that you care and that you're genuine. Because I hear people that come to me and say, well, I went to such and such, but I felt like that person didn't understand me. When I'm with you, I am with you. You have my undivided attention. It's all about you.
Oh, I think, I think that is the key right there to your success. That is, you know, and you're just like so genuine and warm and so easy to talk to. I mean, I can tell right away when I talk to someone, I'm like, this is a good therapist right here. Well, what else do you want to share that I didn't think to ask you?
Well, you know, if we talk, um, of the book Rex's Journey Yes, in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, which is in May, this month, I'm actually giving away free copies of the book. So you can go to my website, um, drambrosepasturner.com, and if you would like for your child to have a free copy of the book, just fill out the, uh, the form and I will send that out. It's actually running from the 1st through the 15th of this month, so it started on the 1st. Yeah, wonderful.
And, um, what, what about your other books? Where can they find your other books? On your website?
On my website. Now, the ADHD, The ADHD Warrior, is coming out later this year, and this is gonna be interesting because we're going to push this out probably when school starts. Um, CareSource, which is a, a insurance managed care company CareSource is going to sponsor the release of that book. Wow. It's a Medicaid program here in, uh, I'm in Columbus, Georgia, so we're going to work together with that. And what we're thinking, what we're going to do is that we're going to launch just look at different schools. So we're going to travel to different schools, you know. Yes, I love it. So I love it for that. To come out in August.
Okay, awesome. That is awesome. This is going to come out— I'm just looking at the calendar— this is going to come out after the 15th, so I think I'm going to go post.
I know it's out now. It's out now.
No, no, I'm saying, I'm saying our podcast right now that we're recording, it's gonna come out after May 15th, so I'm gonna go post about Rex's journey so that people know that they can go get it. That's wonderful. Well, and I can't thank you enough. I just absolutely loved talking to you.
And I can't thank— I really enjoyed talking to you. I can talk to you all day.
I know, right? We could just keep going. Well, thank you so much. We all learned so much from you today, as I knew we would. So this is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.
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