The Never Enough Trap

Hello everyone! Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday! Ella Bella!

Nani to wine is Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family!

Cha-cha chicken! I like that we added percussion with your snapping of the fingers to the beat. That was good!

Good job, little ladies! So, We are going to start with— so last week I forgot to announce our giveaway winners, so tonight we are going to start with that so that I don't forget. So we gave away my book last week. This week we're giving away Ella Bella's book, Super Ella, and Ella and I did not agree on a winner, and because we have— we only have 2 books, and So we are gonna give away both of our books. So Ella, tell them who won, who you picked.

Um, I picked Heather Marie, and her kids' superpowers are being good humans and making food disappear. And that is what I thought was the best answer.

Why did you think that was the best answer?

Because I think that the second one of making food disappear was funny, and I thought that being good humans humans is important.

Oh, I think that was a good pick. Lily, do you want to announce who I picked at the bottom?

Nicole, Nicole O'Kane.

O'Kane.

O'Kane. Superpower to always overdo everything.

So I picked Nicole for a few reasons. I, first of all, I keep running into her, which I love. Second of all, she likes and comments on everything, and I want tell her and all of you how much that really truly means to me. And she shares stuff, and her superpower made me laugh so hard because it is so true. She is so good at so many things, and she is super crafty. And so I picked Nicole, and you also overdo everything, and I also can relate and can tend to overdo things. So I picked Nicole. Allah picked Heather. We have 2 books, 2 winners, so I will message you ladies and come drop off your books. So that's what we were gonna start with. Is there anything else before I move on to our topic?

Yes.

What? Congratulations to the 2 winners. To the winners! I love to hear about winners. So our topic—

Wait, what is it?

So I would like to start. Yes. With being silly and telling you that if you watched last week's vlog, she's adorable, thank you Joette. If you watched, it is not showing me, you know how I usually wave and can see, like it's not showing me that stuff. So maybe I don't know if I did something wrong. Seth is my technical support and it's okay, you can just leave it, it's fine. Don't worry about it, honey. So last week during my vlog, on my second school vlog, Seth said no more. And I want to go on record.

I didn't say you can't ever talk about school.

I'm still—

I just said I needed a break.

Okay, so Seth needs a break and I will give him— Listen, I will give you a break and move on to my topic. However, I want to go on record and I want to tell you that A, I just did a podcast with a mom who watched my vlog and said she totally disagrees with my husband and that everyone is talking about school and everyone is stressed out about school and she gave me permission to talk about school as much as I want. And I want to also tell my husband that every woman that I bump into who has watched the vlog also says, "I don't know what he's talking about. Everybody's talking about school. Of course you want to talk about school." No, I just want to go on record.

Thanks. I could address that or we could just move on.

Okay.

Let's move on.

Please.

You're on the record, honey.

Please, let's move on. It's recorded forever on Facebook. So unless you want to talk about my topic of never enough, you are welcome to leave until you sing us out. Oh, what's the topic? The topic tonight is the never enough trap that I feel as though I can fall into and that I have fallen into. And I think that when everything shut down, I was forced to relax and slow down and I was out of the trap. And now I'm feeling a little bit like I'm back in it. So there goes Ella. Ella has lost total interest. You can move on down and talk with me. So Seth, share with them What you think is so funny to do to me?

What I think is so funny? Oh, you think that I think it's funny because when you ask for something, when you say you want something, I start singing Never Enough from The Greatest Showman because— The Showman— because it makes me feel like nothing's ever enough to make you happy and you're never just happy and you don't just like shut up and chill out and be happy about it. There's always more.

Are you going to sing?

No, Lily's got it.

Okay, so I would like to tell you, we will talk about this topic together, but if you could never sing that song again, that would be great.

Are you telling me— I'd just like to get some clarity. Are you saying you just don't want to hear it because of why I'm singing it?

Yes.

Okay, and then I can honor that request.

Thank you. So you feel— so I should give them a little background about where the topic came from.

A little bit.

So I'm going to start with our Sunday, this past Sunday, and I'm going to tell you all that Max had soccer.

Yes.

Lily had tumbling.

Yes.

Lily had Girl Scouts.

Yes.

Was there some— I feel like there was a third thing. No, no, tumbling, soccer, Girl Scouts.

Yes.

So we get— and then after Girl Scouts, we went for frozen yogurt with friends.

Okay, you went for frozen yogurt, Lily and I and Ella.

So we come home and Seth is reclining on, on the chair, watching the Bills game. Seth was relaxing and watching the Bills game. And I want you all to know that what I was thinking was that I needed to just let him relax.

That's not what you were thinking first.

It was what I was thinking.

What you were thinking first was, oh, we didn't go to the pumpkin farm yet this season. Oh, people are out there apple thinking, oh, we should— we have only done 4 things today. I, I'm, I'm like, not enough. I gotta get— we gotta get out there and I gotta pack up my family and we gotta go make some more memories, damn it, of things we've already done before.

So here's the issue. Yes, the issue is that it was a gorgeous day, and I think that when it's cold out, I just— I'm happy to just let you watch the Bills game, and I'm happy to watch a movie or read a book. Like, I'm happy to be inside. I'm not excited to go sledding. I'm not. I will take the kids sledding, but it doesn't excite me to go out in the cold.

You are not a winter person.

So it was so nice out that I wanted to enjoy the outdoors with my family. So I was on social media posting the Girl Scout pictures because I want the parents to see what we did. The parents of the troops. Yes. And all these pictures were popping up. Apple picking, pony rides.

Facebook is for this reason.

Okay, so.

Ooh, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. Ooh, somebody got a new house, I gotta get a new house.

Ooh, somebody got this. Stop, so the good news is, the good news is.

There's good news?

So I have, we have talked about Facebook. So the good news is it gives me amazing ideas that I hadn't thought of.

You woulda done just fine.

And not only, you know, new farms, new apple picking.

They might have a donkey or an alpaca that we have not seen before, it will totally change our lives.

So you're not interested in going to a farm or going apple picking.

You know, we've done that like every single year. It doesn't change. I kind of got the idea, and you have 2 bags of apples in there from Wegmans. We don't need more apples.

One bag. So I could get you more. Do you agree with Seth that you've been there, done it, or do you agree with me that it's the time of year to go experience it? So tell us who you agree with. Again, that's number one.

It's a bravo poll.

This But this fall, we have not gone apple picking, gone to a farm.

Fall started like a week ago. What is the rush here?

Because the weather is nice, so I like to enjoy the outdoors when the weather is nice.

See?

Kim, you're not helpful. I'll give away other stuff for people who vote for me. Not that any of this will matter.

I want them to be honest, and if they don't want to vote—

No, I want to bribe them for the right opinion.

So Kim says it's the time of year to go experience it.

But I already experienced it. Nothing is going to change. It's the same apples.

The never enough trap came out of Sunday because I was like, oh, we got to go here, we got to go here. Oh, I should have had people over for the Bills game. Oh, why didn't— and Seth was— so later that night, I started telling Seth about my blog and what I was writing, and he said, I want to tell you a few things. Yeah, and I'm glad that you have to communicate with me because I can't read your mind. So he said to me that he wanted to watch the Bills game alone, which I didn't know, and he wanted to relax and unwind. And he said that as much as he loves his job during the week, his job is like full throttle, like he's going from morning to night, full throttle, nonstop, nonstop. And he schedules himself a ton of stuff, and I know how busy he is. And he said, "As much as I love my job, I can't go all week, go all weekend, and then start all over." He's like, "You have to give me some downtime to recharge." Yes.

And I was like, "Duh, I don't think I computed that." No, because you have this Superwoman battery that very rarely ever runs down and you can do nonstop. I need to crash.

Yeah, but you find me sitting on the couch watching TV sometimes.

Yes, and now that you brought that up, I need to remember that anytime I catch you chilling out, I better come up with someplace to take you right away and say you're not allowed to sit down.

I want to remind you of something. Before children, on a Friday night after a work week, and you would be like, let's go to the mall, let's go out to dinner, let's go, let's go, let's go. And I would say, I'm tired, right?

Remember that? Now how come you're not giving me the same thing that you asked for?

I still feel— I maybe I have more energy now.

I don't know what happened. Whatever you're on, I want some. This whiny— this is not making me have more energy.

Okay, so let's move on from Sunday. Let's talk about the house and the pool.

Yes.

So I'm in a stage of the game, I am in full gratitude every day. I have complete gratitude for my life, and I want to start there. And I did write to you. Did you read it?

Yes.

Okay.

I edited it, remember?

Full gratitude for my husband, my children, my pets, my house, my cars.

All the good stuff.

Full gratitude. So I live in a place of thankfulness every day. Okay, so I feel bad because if I bring up a pool or a house or pretty much anything like that, Right, just those two things with giant price tags.

Other than that, you know, if you say I want a new coffee maker, I don't give you a hard time.

Well, if I— well, okay, so my point is, if I bring something like that up, you think that— you take it personally as if it's not enough, right?

I don't walk around going, hey honey, what else, you know, why don't you get us this or that or whatever.

So I, I wrote a note to Seth in my blog and I explained to him that our life— that he provides a wonderful life.

Hey, you provide it too, baby.

Well, that's, that's, you know, a year old, right?

Yes.

So pre-kids.

Yes.

And then starting maybe a year ago.

Yes.

But before a year ago, it was just you providing.

Correct.

And you provide a wonderful life.

Thank you.

And I'm very thankful for it. Yes. And when I think about other things, that doesn't make me not thankful for it.

Understood. You got to tell me the thankful part because what sticks in my head is the "I want" as opposed to the "I'm so thrilled with what I have" because you don't walk around— you might be in gratitude all day, every day, but you don't tell me that. That's the secret. You gotta actually tell me.

So one of our big marital things is that I have a lot of conversations with myself in my head that I don't share with you, and you have conversations in your head with me that you don't tell me about but you expect me to know about. It's so true. And I think that—

I woke up the other day and you were mad at me for something I did in your dream.

I was not. What, are you exaggerating?

I am not. You wrote about— you might have written about this.

I don't remember that.

You don't remember? You were very upset about what I did in your dream that is not true.

Oh, it was like, yes, yes.

Like, I'm getting punished for stuff I haven't even done.

I wasn't mad at you. I was upset. Upset.

Sad. I was upset.

I was in a bad state. State.

Yes.

I woke up in a very bad state for the day.

Yes.

It kind of took me down for the whole day, which is ridiculous.

True.

Because I had such a bad dream.

Yes.

Which thankfully is not true.

It is— that's why they call it a dream.

So let's keep it that way.

Yes, ma'am.

So I think that what I have learned through this blog— see, I learn as I write, and, and then I learn even more because Seth reads it and talks to me about it.

Yes.

And what I have learned is that I'm not communicating enough to Seth about most things and that I have to do more communicating.

Gotta use that edumacation.

So what I wrote was, I love our house, I could live here forever.

I just don't tell you that. And if we choose to, in a much bigger, nicer house with a pool magically showed up, I wouldn't say no to that.

So I think that—

I forgot, honey, I was thinking, you know, I love our SUVs. But if you magically drove a Ferrari into our driveway, I, I wouldn't be mad at you.

So I literally, I literally saw a car that I really liked today, and I had the car.

Oh my God, you know, other than the one you're driving that's like 2 months old.

I had the conversation with Seth in my head.

In her head.

Oh, but am I allowed to trade my car in?

Oh my God, seriously, she did not tell me this ahead of time, folks. This is raw, unfiltered reality television. Yeah, but you know what it is? I love cars.

That's the problem. And I see something shiny that I like and I think, oh, and then I think, well, this is—

these are—

and then I think, well, I'm gonna remember that for the next car. So just, just store it.

There's a journal somewhere of cars.

Okay, but go back to the house and the pool.

Yes.

So I think that the, the dilemma that I'm facing, and you can tell me your thoughts, yep, is do we stay here make this house like more what we want. There's a few things that I really want to do to it. Yeah, do we do that? Do we possibly put in a pool, which we're pricing? Okay, so do we go that route? Or— and you figured out the finances and you see how low the interest rates are right now.

Yep.

It's not as—

anyway, that's a whole different conversation.

So do we go this route with our house or do we look for something more that has the stuff that I want to do to our house?

I mean, you signed something in blood that says you're not allowed to change anything.

Okay, well, I'm not agreeing.

No, it isn't move in, buy the nicer expensive house and then move in and start redoing stuff. Because we could have just redone this one.

Okay, but back up. So in the never enough category.

See, there you go.

No, in the never enough.

This house is beautiful, I love it, let's buy it, we're here. Ooh, we better repaint. I didn't tell you that ahead of time. We better change the carpet. I didn't tell you that we— I wanted that. I said it was perfect and now it's not perfect.

So I'm trying to figure out— yes, if I just be thankful for what I have, which I am.

You know how you get more of what you want is be thankful for what you've got.

I am thankful.

Well then, if you just focused on that other stuff, the Ferrari will magically show up.

Okay, so are we going the route of being thankful with what we have, or are we looking for more of what we want to do to our house with the pool? Are we putting in the pool or are we looking for the house with the pool? Which direction are you expecting me to decide this on Facebook Live? I'm, I'm asking which way you're leaning. You don't have to give any information right now. You can answer me later. You could answer me now. Which direction are you leaning?

Okay, I, I will defer that question to our, our board of advisors that we'll discuss that with later.

So you're welcome to weigh in and have an opinion.

That's great.

I will tell—

I want everyone to vote on that too because that'll really help my marriage.

Look who—

If she comes back— See, Kim, you're fired. Like, everyone's gonna— she's gonna come to me and say, look, 27 people said this, and I'll say, good, that's a reason not to do it.

Okay, so Kim says—

Joette agrees. Thank you, Joette. Agree with me, Joette. Right, you're talking about me.

I love these women.

I, I see I'm in a stacked house here. Like, I literally have no shot at pulling in.

Oh my gosh, I am not saying that we're not—

it's not a fair game of playing cards.

I also want to tell you, stack the deck. I also want to tell you that when we met, yes, and we moved into an apartment, yes, we said, okay, we're gonna look for a house that we can afford, and we bought a nice first house.

Thank you, Joette. Yes, we did.

We bought a nice first house.

Yes.

And then we had Lily and we were busting, so we decided to look for a second house.

Yes.

And in the search for the second house, yes, you told me, you said, you're looking for the third house.

Yes.

I'm gonna back you up to the second house.

Yep.

And you said there will be a third house. So I don't want you to forget.

I remember exactly what I said. You're entirely right. I— this is a wonderful home. We love it very much. We're very happy. Yeah, it is not the dream home, like, whatever, of our dreams.

We don't— I don't want to— I'm not saying that I want a mansion. You were about to say mansion.

We have a dream, simply a something else.

Yes, we have a dream that is pretty similar.

Yes, we do. We have discussed that, right?

So what I said to Seth when we were driving around and looking at houses was that my issue is I was not ready to buy the dream home financially in my head at the point that we bought this house. Right, so it's been 7 years, so we're at a different place is what I'm saying.

Yes, that is correct.

So we, we drove around and, um, I lost my thought.

What were we—

stop driving around because you drove around too much. That's a separate conversation with Aunt Carol the realtor.

So we did find a house— my friend—

this one?

No, no, no, just let me talk!

Okay.

My friend found a house for us and texted me, and it was beautiful. It was also sold the next day. I think it was the next day it was sold.

Something crazy like that.

Okay, so then I recently found another house.

Oh, you're talking about this time? I thought you were talking about driving around to find this house.

No, no, I'm saying recently we've been driving around.

Yes, oh yes, recently you just met—

you—

yes. Correct. All right, never mind, I'll be quiet. You are correct. I did not realize which time of driving around looking for houses you were talking about. Please continue.

So lately we've driven around a couple of times, not a lot.

No, you were not all the way in. You were kind of casually looking, and we discovered that doesn't work because the real estate market right now is super hot and everything is selling super quick. So you can't dip your toe in and get a little bit pregnant if you want to really— if you really wanted to move you'd be like, crazy lady, to pull it off.

Yeah, okay, I'm not gonna be crazy lady, but I agree.

That's your answer as to what we're doing?

No, I agree with you. So I found another house and I sent it to my mother to look up. I showed Seth and then I sent it to my mother, and my mother said, did you see that it's pending a sale?

Is your mother chipping in for this, by the way? Is anybody else providing funds for the said new house?

I'm still gonna show her houses. That's just how it works.

I don't know that that's how it works. I think that's how you've decided it works. I could not discuss this.

And the funny thing is, is that while she was looking at the house, my brother called her because she—

yeah, and it's going to tell him. And now Corey, he's chiming in with his opinion. Like, I didn't ask 52 other people what they thought of the house. You might lose a perfectly good house. Well, my sister's second cousin doesn't like it, so, you know, we can't get it now.

So I didn't love it enough to fight the sale that was pending anyway. And my mother was like, well, it's just pending, go put an offer in. But It wasn't our house. I think I— okay, I knew this was our house.

You did?

I knew the first one was our house.

You did?

If we move, I have put out to the universe, okay, to send us our house, and the universe will take care of that. So if we are—

so that's whatever direction— if the pool shows up, the universe will have done that.

Oh my God, it's hard to hold a thought. So I wonder why I put out to the universe that if we're supposed to move, send us our house.

Yep.

So I'm not saying I'm just gonna leave it at that. Of course I'm gonna look, but I feel like I'll know.

You mean I don't have to go out and earn extra money to buy the Ferrari? It's not just gonna pop into our driveway?

Um, Joette, I did drive through your neighborhood. I do love your neighborhood, and I have driven through—

Donations are welcome.

Stop it! Will you stop it?

Hang on, you got something there.

This sounds like me and Adam, says Jessica. He always wonders how my mom, dad, brother, aunt, etc.

Thank you.

Know about something minutes after it happened, right?

I do not need the peanut gallery. That's why they're the peanuts. Everybody's allergic to them.

But I want their opinion.

So why? So are they gonna live in it? Are they paying for it?

Okay, so Joette, I don't mean to be obnoxious, but it—

when you're driving around your neighborhood, if you scout for her, take pictures, tag her.

So Joette says there's lots of houses for sale in her neighborhood. If you happen to drive by something and it has a pool—

And you found a down payment just lying around in the street and you don't want to keep it.

You're being so obnoxious. Stop.

All right.

No phone. So I have driven through Joette's neighborhood and I did not see houses for sale, I don't think.

But I haven't—

Yeah, but it might have been the last day.

You better go. I haven't recently.

You better stop right now and go. Okay. Can you say something meaningful?

I love you.

I love you too. So my point in this topic.

Yes.

I'm happy with my takeaway from this topic.

Yes.

Because I'm trying to show and show and tell Seth that I'm trying to teach Seth that I can be thankful.

Yes.

Super thankful.

Yes.

And have dreams.

Yes.

And goals.

Yes.

So me saying that I want to take the kids to Universal is not me being— is not me not being grateful.

Oh, I understand that, but that's not actually a thing because you won't get on a plane right now anyway. But it was a good example.

It's a good example because I would love— I'm dreaming.

I'm not opposed to vacations.

Is anyone— are you opposed to vacations right now?

Am I opposed to vacations? You're nodding at me. Yes, I'm opposed to vacation. I know, apparently I've thought about it and that's what I think.

No, really, are you opposed to vacations? Really, your opinion, not mine.

I'm good. I don't think the word— I, I don't believe in germs. Oh boy, we've had that conversation.

Okay, so I wish then I could go on a plane right now with my family.

You could. And go to— Your brother who knows about the house that you thought you wanted now does.

Um, and go to Universal and take all the trips that I'm storing in my brain that I want to do. I just don't necessarily think this is the time to do it.

That could also be the case. Ah, so— The universe will tell us.

Now he— see, he's in obnoxious mode tonight. I just don't understand. Okay, so Joette says that she wishes she would have known sooner.

You wish you'd known that we were— they were thinking about a house and you could have found this one in your neighborhood?

She's not there yet.

She's not there yet.

I won't— I don't even look— okay, so even if I think a house is beautiful, if it doesn't have a pool—

Yeah, there's no point.

There's really no point. I guess there is a point.

No, because you're not going to move and put in a pool. All right, there. There's where I'm leaning. If you move, it has to have a pool. If you decide you are not moving, you can have a pool. You're not getting move and then pay all the— pay for a bigger house and then go buy a pool. I got it there. There, I drew the line somewhere.

Yes, sir. Okay, so, so they're agreeing with me that they're not flying right now. Okay, so I'm not there yet. Okay, so hopefully soon. The world will feel safer to me to travel. And I know that there's many, many people who agree with me and many, many people who don't agree with me and are going on with their life. And I give them so much credit for being less fearful.

Yep.

Because I don't ever like being fearful.

Nope.

So hopefully my husband has learned that I am grateful and I have goals and that my life is enough and that I'm thankful for my life and that he's enough and that our kids are enough and that everything is enough.

Awesome. It's a great place. If anybody lives on the corner of Enough Street, I would love to hang out.

Does anyone have anything to add? Do you have anything to add?

Do I? No, I think you covered it. I think we're good.

Okay. Is Ella near?

Ella Bella!

So thank you everyone for joining. If you have a topic that you would like me to talk about, let me know. If you would like me to return to talking about school, let me know.

She took her week off. Thank you for humoring me.

Thank you for watching Wani Puzza Wednesday with the Green Family. Tchau tchau, tchau tchau.

Thanks everyone. Have a good week.