The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene Episode 082 Helping Your Teenager Find Their Career Path

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, it is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am so excited that I have Oi Dobie, here with me today. How did I do? Did I do a good job with that? You did perfect, Rebecca.

Thanks for having me on today.

Thank you so much for being here. I want to tell you all about the fabulous work that she does. She's based her education and career on all the wrong things. She chose a path that others expected of her, which led to changing her major, jumping from job job and finding herself always looking for the next big challenge. Then in her early 40s, she was passed over for a promotion, which caused her to do some self-reflection. Although the pay was good, she realized she was tired, bored, and unfulfilled. She had chosen a career that didn't align with her values, passions, or natural talents and felt it was time to be more purposeful with her life. What if there was a way to teach young people how to figure this out earlier? A way to help them start their career in something fulfilling, interesting, and enjoyable? What if she could save them from years of struggle and unfulfillment that she and so many others have experienced? As a result, Project Who Am I was born, and she's been helping young people learn about themselves and apply this knowledge to their educational and career pursuits. Well, that sounds fantastic. I'm going to jump in because I want you to tell us, what is Project Who Am I?

Project Who Am I is a program that I created over the years with the help of others. I have a friend that we kind of had the same idea for a program, and it's just like ironic, you know, how the universe speaks to you. And it's like, okay, That's so weird. My, my idea is so random and you have basically the same idea with a slightly different audience. This means we should do it, right? And so, yes. So, so we put this program together. My daughter's helped a lot on, on it too. She's a partner with our business. It's a family business, my husband, myself, and my daughter who's 19. And Project Who Am I is a self-discovery online program that that kids— that parents enroll their kids into, and it helps them really focus on the first step when it comes to finding that ideal career. The first step is understanding who you are as a person and then looking for careers that match them.

Oh, I love that so much, and selfishly, I'm so excited because my oldest is 14, so this is— this is This is really appropriate for me.

Yes.

So speaking of parents, because it's going to be all parents listening to this, can you tell us a common mistake that parents make when helping their teens search for a career?

I think the common mistake, um, that, you know, both parents and students do right now is they, they focus on the career first. And that's the society thing. I mean, based on our school, you know, what do you want to be when you grow up? And you've got STEM and, you know, artistic opportunities and stuff like that. But so they try to find a career that makes sense either from, you know, whatever their values are, and then they try to mold the person into that career versus the other way around.

That is really interesting. I'm trying to do a lot of observation of my children. That's what I'm trying to do, to learn who they are. So let's help them learn who they are. How do we increase our teens' exposure to cultivate more self-discovery?

Oh yes, this exposure dealio is one of my favorites. What I've found over the years as I, you know, sit with parents and students and understand what they're struggling with, a common thing that I see is their world is, is narrow and small and limited. And so when you see the same, you know, 10 people, you know, month over month, day after day, year after year, obviously you're exposed to what they're doing, but that's it, right? So, you know, the world is so much bigger than it was in the past now that we have the internet and we can see what people are doing across the world or across the United States or in different industries. I mean, we have so much, we have so much opportunity to be exposed to more and more things, you know, traveling, you know, doing road trips, hanging out with different people. And so really, you have to kind of understand that while it's comfortable to hang out and be around the people that you love and like, you know, it it really does limit them from understanding what's available to them. And just to be frank with us parents, because I do it too, just because what's comfortable to me and my friends and our family doesn't mean that that should be limiting their potential because they're their own person, right? They've got a little bit of you in them, but they are their own person. They live in a different generation. And this, this, this new generation has so many opportunities as far as just, you know, gangbusters doing what they want to do. They just have to kind of reach for it, right? Make a decision and reach for it. That potential is so much bigger than I think when we were kids and growing up, you know, just due to the internet and technology and all of that. So really, it's really exposing them to more people. And when you expose— when you get exposed to more more people, you get to see what they're doing and what they're thinking about and what's important to them and what their values are. And then you get a chance to kind of check it out, you know, hmm, this person who I've never hung out with before is doing this thing and it's a tradition in their family. We don't have that tradition. Why do they do that tradition? Ooh, that's kind of fun. Hey, Mom and Dad, can we bring that tradition into our family? It just mixes it up, you know what I mean?

I know I'm just sitting here trying to think about how I would do that with Max because, you know, he's my oldest and I'm like, okay, he's on the computer a lot and I don't like that he will talk to people that I don't know, but I have told him to give out no personal information. Right. But I'm trying to think how I would expose him to more people because we do see the same people all the time.

Yes.

I think it's like I think it, you know, one of the bases that I always go off of when, when, um, you, you may be struggling or thinking about how do I help my kid do XYZ is just start to do it yourself, uh, you know, and say, okay, well, if I want to expose my kids to, to more people that are safe, obviously, to your point, yeah, just start doing it yourself. And then, you know, how do you do that, right? And so there might be some situations where you're, you know, in a small gathering or at work or whatever, and you happen to meet someone and you're like, they're interesting, there's something interesting about that, go after that, right? And so then, as you do that yourself, then you'll kind of have those tips and tricks to help your own team do the same thing.

That's really good advice. It's really good advice, and I will tell you that I've had so many women tell me that it's harder to make friends, and I really, um, I have to tell you that I'm 45 and I still love to make new friends and meet new people. So you're right, as I do that, I can teach that to my kids. I love that. Um, what, what age do you start working with teens?

Well, we work with teens. Um, I, I have a lot of parents that the teens are about your age, you know, 14, maybe a little younger, oi, is it too early to do that? And I would say, you know, for our program, maybe a little bit too early, but you can definitely start exposing them, start kind of paying attention to what they're interested in, what they're naturally good at. And, you know, the things that they're naturally good at, typically it's been since they were little. My daughter Naya has been a creative person ever since she was little. Um, I tell this story all the time. I'll tell it here too. Is, um, when she was little, I don't know why we bought her toys because she would never play with her toys. She, she liked people. And then when she wanted to play with something, she would literally go to the recycle bin, get some Scotch tape, make something, play with that for days, and then throw it back in the recycle bin and Do it all over again. And she did it so much that one time for Christmas, we bought her like an 8-pack of Scotch tape. And oh my God, Rebecca, that girl was in heaven.

That is adorable. And she sounds wonderful.

And so now she's pursuing a degree in interior design because that speaks to her creative side. And so again, you just got to pay attention to what they're good at and help them discover that a little bit more, or if they have an interest, how can you help— how can you give them opportunities to dig a little bit deeper into that interest? So when they're younger, like 14, 13, 12, you know, kind of do those things. And then as they approach, you know, being 16, being old enough to get a job, they have to start thinking about high school and what classes to take. That's when it's probably a good time to take our program. And every kid's a little bit different as far as where they're at in the journey. Um, you know, obviously you can have a 15-year-old that's ready to talk, think about those things, and then you might have a senior that's still needing a little bit of nudge around that, right? Um, so we have a variety of ages between, you know, sophomore, junior, senior year. Um, if I had to pick like one age to be perfect. And, and maybe I shouldn't even say it, but, you know, I think summer of before your junior year is a really good time because they've gotten, you know, they're, they're 16, they might have gotten their driver's license, they might have started a part-time job, you know, and it's close enough to graduating high school is they're going to start to think about these things, right? What is life after high school going to be like? You know, what am I going to do? Am I going to go to college? Am I gonna start working? Am I going to live in my parents' basement? You know, they're going to start to think about these things. Well, when they're a little bit younger, they're, you know, they're not quite thinking about those things because that's a long time from now.

It's true. Now let me ask you this. When they get into college, I mean, I know that some kids in college have no idea what they want to do. Do you work with kids when they're in college too?

We do work with some kids that are in college. Our program is specifically written and geared towards, you know, high school students, but obviously, you know, we do have a couple college students in our course, and they just have to kind of extrapolate, you know, the high school part. And in fact, we have a family where the mom is doing the course too, along with her daughter.

Oh, I can totally see that. I can't even tell you, when I was in school for social work, The amount of 40-somethings in the class with me who were like, I'm starting over. And I was like, good for you.

Yeah.

Find what— find your passion.

Yes, absolutely.

So help us with the I don't know. How do we eliminate the answer I don't know when we ask our teen what they want to do after high school?

Yeah. So again, that the, the I don't know answer has to do with just that limited exposure, right? And so this is where you have to, you need to, and you should help them really explore things and, you know, ask impactful questions like, when you graduate from high school, how do you want to make an impact on this world?

Oh, I love that.

You know, who, who do you want to help? Who do you want to serve? Or maybe it's not people, maybe it's ideas. And, or what do you want to really be an expert on? You know, because depending on what kind of person they are from a natural talent perspective, there's, there's like 6 of them. There's thinkers, there's doers, there's helpers, there's creators, And there's organizers, and then there's persuaders. And depending on the, you know, where they lean from, uh, what kind of person they are, you know, that, that answer is going to be very different. Helpers are obviously— if you have a helper in the house, you want to ask them, who do you want to serve? Who do you want to help in the world? And how do you want to help them? And get, get those brain— the, the wheels turning in their brain, um, because that's That question, I think, is easier than, you know, what do you want to be when you grow up? Or if they're thinkers, what do you want to be an expert on? Because— or doers, the same thing. That's kind of a similar question. Or what do you, what do you really intrigued with as far as knowledge and really want to know about, you know, XYZ, or those persuaders, and which are more like leaders and, and kind of connecting people together, you know, those are the kind of questions I would replace that with.

So we need to ask the right questions.

Yes.

Which, um, we— I get okay, okay, I don't know, uh-huh.

Yeah.

So I also have to catch him in the right mood to answer a question, right? Teenagers are fun.

Yes.

Another thing about the teenagers is I've always, um, you know, leverage the friends to help with that. You get like a couple of them together and, um, you know, you have to— they have to be the right friends, but you know, getting them to answer that together, maybe like not together but in a group so that maybe they can encourage each other on. Um, my son is 16 and when I want to do stuff like this, I always invite his girlfriend over and I have the two of them do it together.

Yes, yes, because that's what she's good influence around that? You know, you bring up such a good point because, you know, Max is an introvert and he's very quiet, and I was taking him and his friends to soccer, and his friends are much more chatty, and they got all of us— we were all in such a good conversation, and I was like, oh, sometimes he really likes to talk. So I didn't put two and two together that if I include these friends Yes. So you just taught me something because I didn't put that together, but that totally works, right?

Yeah, especially— yeah, that's a great idea. Include his chatty friends because then it gets him to chat.

Yes, yes, he needs extroverted friends. That works for me. So how do we avoid having our teens fall into the stay busy trap? Because this is a trap we all fall into.

Yep. And And the biggest thing about that is, you know, I know it's hard because I'm— we're in the same boat. Our son's in soccer and we, we get in this kind of churn of let's try to, you know, get them to be as busy as possible because it, you know, it gets them on, you know, it helps them stay out of trouble, right? Because if they have too much time on their hands and they're doing things, then maybe they're doing things that they shouldn't be. You know, all those things. But at the same time, if they've got soccer, school, extracurricular activities, work, you know, really evaluate their schedule and, and say, is it too much? Because most likely it is. And so how can, how can you help them get some time? And, you know, I know that is a little bit what do you call, you might be cringing at that a little bit because sometimes when we give our son time, then he goes straight to the iPhone and video games and, you know, too much YouTube or whatever. But, you know, sometimes just let them get some downtime and then start, you know, inserting that exposure, inserting those kind of crucial conversations to ask the right questions with their chatty friends or their girlfriend, you know, invite them over over for dinner and do a little exercise and, and, and, you know, kind of pop, hey, I want to do an exercise right after dinner while their tummies are full. I love it. So you just really, as a parent, have to look, look at their schedule and kind of get rid of stuff that's too much.

Well, I'm going to cringe when I tell you this, and you're going to not be happy, but my 8-year-old has stuff 7 days a week.

Okay. Oh my.

And I said to her, I mean, it's not gonna work. School hasn't started yet for us.

Mm-hmm.

But I said to her, this, this isn't gonna work. Like she loves so many things. Mm-hmm. So I'm really gonna have to sit down with her and be like, what's gonna give? Because how is an 8-year-old gonna have stuff 7 days a week?

Yeah.

And how am I gonna do that? Like, that's just— that just is not okay with me. So we have work to do.

Yes.

So tell us what you like best about what you do.

You know what I love the best is when I'm working with students and I can tell they had their aha moment, ah, their light bulb moments, and plural, because they'll have many throughout our program. And especially if they had some limiting belief about themselves, and then through the exercises, it, it got them to think about things differently. And then it was like, whoa, you know, the door open, look at this pasture that's, you know, super available to me. And then they start going through it. And so that's That's what makes me all excited. I'm getting chills down my spine thinking about it. And then also when they, when they go from like, you know, kind of this, I don't know, and kind of bored and not motivated to excited about whatever ideal career they found. Because when they find something that, that like really aligns to who they are as a person, it's exciting.

It is, it is. You're doing such fulfilling work. I just love what you're doing, and I can see how much you enjoy it, which is what, what we all want for our kids. We want them all to find something that is a passion for them.

Yes.

Um, without using any names, do you have any like success stories that stand out to you about, you know, a teenager who discovered a career and went for it and found their passion? Anything specific come to mind?

Well, I, I can talk about one student, um, and I, I mentioned, I referenced her just, just now, is when she did the program, she was struggling, um, and it was, I think, when was it, it was the spring before senior year, no, no, it was the spring of senior year, and so she had planned to go, um, to college but wasn't quite sure really about anything. And so she was, she was stressed out and she was having anxiety around it, wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating, you know, because as they approach graduation and you don't know what you're going to do or what you're going to study, it's very stressful.

It is.

And then you're going out of the, you know, normal of high school that you've been doing for 4 years into an unknown. You have no idea. And so as she was coming into this program, she came into the program, I don't want to say desperate, but needing, you know, a lot of help. And as we explored, you know, her natural talents and values and interests and work preferences, you could see she definitely had aha moments where, you know what, the reason why I don't know any of this is because I've just been hanging out with my friends and kind of doing the whole crowd thing where, you know, we're just, we're just one big crowd being like a Borg unit, not thinking individually and just doing everything together. And she realized that. And I think the most impactful exercise for her was to identify her values. And so she went through an exercise as part of our program to look at her values. And then we have her do a thing about now that you've identified your values, let's rate your life against those values, and anything with a low rating, let's think about that. And so you could tell she had passion about her particular values, and she had ideas in her head about how she wanted to, you know, from that moment on, live life a little bit differently because she was reminded of her values. The type of student that hangs out with friends a lot, like 24/7, they have a tendency to kind of lose their individualism, you know, and good advice, and it, it makes them lost because, you know, everyone's an individual, and no matter how good your group is, you're gonna feel like you're not a special person, I think, or you're gonna lose sight of what's important to you. There's obviously what's important to the group, and you have a lot of concession, and you're collaborating, and, you know, all those skills that you need to like you know, work with people, but you, you, you have a tendency to lose sight of yourself sometimes.

Never would have thought of that, and that is so true. And they need, they need their own time to do their own things. Yes, yes, I never would have thought of that. That's really good advice. I love that you're ahead of me. Your kids are older. I love what you're doing, and I love that you're teaching me so much because I'm a couple years behind you. And thankfully there's no girlfriend.

Not yet.

I know. I don't think— I should say, I don't think there's a girlfriend who doesn't tell me everything. So tell us, what is the best advice that you have ever gotten?

The best advice I've ever gotten. I mean, it's probably several people over over my life. But the, the advice that my wise mentors say over and over again, and I always— it's a reminder— is be honest with yourself, be true to yourself. And, you know, no matter, no matter what's going on from a society perspective, from a, you know, expectation, whether it's your family, your parents, your siblings, whatever, if it doesn't gel with you, it's going to cause conflict and it's going to cause, you know, issues with yourself and you have to deal with those. So be true to yourself. I think, you know, and be honest with yourself is the best advice that I have gotten.

I love that advice. And I know the feeling inside when I'm not being true to myself. And it reminds me to get back on track with my values because I'm usually doing something that doesn't mesh with my values and I feel icky. Yeah. So that's really good advice. What about a challenge? Any challenge you can talk about that you're having right now or that you've overcome that you can share with us?

A challenge is, it's ironic, my current challenge. So I, I quit my corporate job, uh, 2 weeks ago. And so that was a big deal too. And I'm so excited because it allows me to concentrate on Project Who Am I 100% of the time.

Well, congratulations!

Thank you. Um, the, the, the more— the next morning, like in the middle of the night of my last day at, you know, 15 years at, um, Wells Fargo, I had this this, you know, pit feeling in my stomach. And if I would have known better, I would have thought it was, holy crap, what did I just do? But I know, I know exactly what I'm doing, right? I'm fulfilling my destiny and I'm going after what is true to me. Um, and so I was like, you know, why would I feel like that? I know exactly what I'm doing. And then I realized it's feeling of being outside my comfort zone. You know, when I've been somewhere for so long, I know exactly what that environment's about. I know the people, I know what to expect. And so this, this new path forward in our, you know, family business, it's, it's new. It's something that we've never done before, but we're super excited. And it's pulling me out of my comfort zone. And I'm just I'm observing that of myself and it's like, oh, this is, this is hard to go outside your comfort zone.

It's so true. It's so true. I've, I've labeled it, I've labeled that emotion. My daughter and I have labeled it nervous-cited.

Nervous-cited. Oh, I like that.

Because it started with my 12-year-old teaching me how not to have stage fright. And, and I started to realize I wasn't just scared, I was excited. So we put— so now when she has a show, we're like, you're nervous-cited, you got this.

Nervous-cited, I like that because that's exactly the, the, the description of the feeling.

Yes, yes, it's like these two emotions. And I think if I think more about my excitement, it calms me down. Versus if I'm focusing on being nervous. Um, so I totally know that feeling. I, I have definitely had that feeling, and I think that you are absolutely on the right path. I love what you're doing. Um, tell us what else you want to share that I didn't ask you.

One other thing is, I know we talked about kind of the common mistake parents make is concentrating on the career, but I think one of the common mistakes that students make is they go after the money.

Oh yes, yes.

And so what we always say about that is while money is important, you got to pay the bills, you got, you know, if you like nice things, you know, you have to have money to have those things. But if you concentrate on who you are as a person and let's say your natural talents, and, and you say, you know, I'm really good at this and I really enjoy it, then spend your effort building that skill. And as you know, talented people get paid.

Oh, that is really good advice. I'm, I'm thinking back to one of my first classes and my professor saying to the class of like 30 people— um, this was graduate school— if you want to make a lot of money, social work is not for you, so I would recommend that you leave right now. And not one person left the room. We were all so excited to be there. But yes, um, when we do something that's true to us, that's what gives us— I mean, I tell my kids all the time, I want you to go to work and I want you to want to go to work every day. I want you to be excited and enjoy what you're doing every day. So I have— oh, go ahead.

Oh, it's— and it's hard to tell, you know, 14, 15, 16-year-olds, 17, 18-year-olds that really what you want is a fulfilling life. Because they're like, what does that really mean? You know, because they've only been alive for 17 years. And so money is a novelty to them, right? Because they just start working and they have the freedom to take the money and do whatever they want with it. Whereas before, it was us kind of controlling that. So that novelty thing is really exciting and important to teens. But we got to kind of remind them that it's It's more than money. Money is important, but there's a way that you can get to money, um, by focusing on who you are.

I mean, ideally we would love them to have both, but yes, if they just go after the money, they're not going to be happy. No, no. So I have 3 kids who need to do your program. So tell us— so the 12 and 8-year-old are way too young, and the 12-year-old thinks she's going to Broadway, so she has a one-track mind. But anyways, Tell everyone where we can find you so that our kids could do your program.

Awesome. So we have a website. They can go to our website, projectwhoami.com, and actually we have a nice little free career guide that if they go to projectwhoami.com/career, it will go— it will point them to that career guide, and it's a customizable one where you can choose are they a helper, a doer, a thinker, those 6. And then when you select that, you'll get a guide of 30-plus careers that align to those type of people that have that natural talent. And it lists it with some brief description. And so it might be some nuggets of interesting careers.

I love that. Where were you when I was searching? No, I'm just kidding. This is a great program. I love the work that you're doing, and, um, thank you so much for taking time to talk to me today.

Thanks, Rebecca. Thanks for having me.

This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

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