The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene Episode 026 The Purpose Driven Mom

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza!

Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

This is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast. I am super excited. We have Kara Harvey here today. She— Kara is a wife, mom to a 13-year-old stepson, 4-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, and a woman of God. She works as a mom empowerment coach, and her mission is to provide women with the tools, resources, and community to reach their goals, empower themselves, find their happiness, and live a life by design. She does this via her blog, podcast, virtual community groups, and e-courses that help women learn to balance their lives finances, schedules, health, and themselves. Thank you so much for being here today, Kara.

Oh, Rebecca, I'm so excited. This is going to be a really fun chat.

So much fun. I have been dying for Wednesday to come. It's going to air on a Friday, but we're talking on a Wednesday and I've been like waiting to talk to you because I told you I've been like devouring your podcast. We're going to talk more about where you can find Kara. She has the Purpose Driven Podcast and she gives such amazing tips. Cara, I've been like loving your podcast.

Yes.

So now I get to meet you.

I love it. I think podcasting is so cool. I think it's one of the best ways to find new, uh, virtual mentors, you know, and people to just hang out with. I've been listening to podcasts before podcasts were like really a thing on the train ride when I was a teacher. I remember listening.

That's awesome.

And everyone was like, what is this thing? And I was like, just wait. And so it always was a dream of mine to have a show and now it's It's my favorite.

That's awesome. And you should see me in the kitchen listening to your podcast because you're so motivating. And I'm like, I can do it. I'm going to get it all done.

Yeah, I love that.

So I want to start at the beginning and I want to ask you what inspired you to start Helping Moms?

Sure. Yeah. So I was a schoolteacher for 8 years. I loved it. It was my life. It was everything that I've wanted to do since I was 7 years old. But Man, I was burnt out. Super burnt out. I was working at a high-performance charter school. So the kids, they went to school 8 to 5. So I was there 6 AM to 6 PM. I would come in, they had Saturday school every other Saturday, and I would come in on Sundays to make my copies to get ahead. Oh my gosh. I lived there. And at the time, you know, I had my stepson who's 14 now. So he was in kindergarten and we had him every other week. So it wasn't as much demand-wise, But I was so burnt out. And I remember the moment I was, I was on an admin track at school. So I was the principal of our summer school program. And the last day of summer school overlapped with the first day of regular school for teachers. And I sat in my car and I cried and I was like, I can't do this anymore. Like I, I'm losing who I am. Like my anxiety is super high and I'm miserable. And so I came home that day and I said to my husband, like, I've got to do something else because I'm drowning. And I just, I know there's a different way to live. And so he was like, okay. I get it, but we got to make money. So like, what's the plan? So we did the math and we figured out the bare minimum I needed to leave teaching. And so I hate the word hustle, but that's, that's what I did. And at the end of that year, I was actually in network marketing. That's how I got started. And I was able to make that bare minimum I needed to leave and went full-time in network marketing. And so I wasn't doing what I'm doing now. My business, this is year 4 of Purpose Driven Mom. But the first couple of years of being home teaching, I was full-time in network marketing. And on the outside, all of it looks great. Like it it all looked super together. I had a 6-figure network marketing business, 250 people on my team, like, it was there. But I was drowning inside because I was doing all of the same things that I did as a teacher that burnt me out. 40 to 60-hour weeks, feeling like I couldn't go to bed if every email or Facebook message, you know, was, was not answered. I just grinding. And so around this time, I had my daughter who's 5 now. And I started to just feel this tug from God, be like, let's try something different. And I've always been a naturally like organized in person. People would come to me to help them with their budgets and their schedules and things like that. I liked doing it. So I thought, well, now that, you know, I'm experiencing motherhood from the beginning again, how can I help moms? And so I kind of got into this lifestyle mom thing for a while until I figured out that productivity was where I wanted to kind of land. And so right when my son was 3 was when I fully switched over to A Purpose Driven Mom, kind of like left my network marketing business in the way that you leave something where you still get residual income, which is nice. So I'm excited about that, like all that work pays me every week. So that's good.

That's awesome.

Yeah. I don't do anything in network marketing anymore. And I bought a domain and at 3:00 AM nursing him over a Boppy pillow, I built my website and within, I don't know, a month I had my first ebook and was like, let me do this. But I delivered those ebooks via Gmail. I had no landing pages. I had no idea what I was doing. And so that first year I threw spaghetti at the wall to try to figure out like, how do you run a business? And I loved it. At that time, my husband, unfortunately, he lost his job. And so he was actually out of work for 8 months during the first 8 months of my business. Oh no! During the first 8 months of my son's life. Yeah, it was kind of crazy. And you know, we were on food stamps and government assistance. I was dealing with postpartum anxiety and depression. And I literally had started over and he was home this whole time. You know, he has been so supportive of all the things because, you know, we're like, well, what are we going to do? And so that whole first year was kind of just us figuring out how to survive. Me with all the 3 kids trying to run the beginning of the business. He was fortunately, you know, got a job again. You know, like I said, it was a long 8 months, right? And I also got a second job. So I got a part-time job while I was running my business at the mall. And I started working nights and weekends at the mall. Building my business during nap time. And so that second year of business was wild. It was like really just working in the margins. And then last year was like my third full year of business where I really just found that I love helping moms figure out how they can take massive action on their goals without overwhelm, without burnout, without mom guilt, because it's all possible. And so now I get to do it and I get to do it full time. And it's just so much fun to see something that I feel like God is like, this is where I want you to help and this is where I see you at and working with moms in the trenches. And it's not this like curated imperfection over at Purpose Driven Mom. Like we are real deal. Like this is, you know how people like pretend to be hot messes. Like we are, but we try really hard. Like we are, like we're sitting here right now. I have a huge hole in the back of my sweater today. I'm gonna tell you, I didn't even know I had one. So luckily you can't see it. Like this is just the person I am. But I'm going to tell you, I go after my days with intention, but I give myself grace at the end of the day and don't beat myself up over what I didn't do. And that's what I encourage moms to do, to look at that ta-da and like all the things you did instead of the things that you didn't cross off on your to-do list.

I love that so much. And I love hearing about your journey. I listened to your 100th— I'm going to do quotes— 100th episode because, you know, you've done so many more than 100. And just listening to your journey and how you have gotten to where you are today is just so inspiring and empowering. And I'm sure that other women feel the way that I do. You're, you're helping moms for sure.

Thanks so much. Yeah, you forget it when you're like in it.

Yes. You don't realize that we're— sometimes you don't realize that we're listening on the other end and we're going, yes, we can do this.

We can do this.

This is a great day. Yeah. So I want to— like I said, I have so many questions for you. I told you that before we started, but I want to start with Mondays because I'm guilty of being like, ah, Monday. How do we ditch the Monday mentality? I love that you say that expression.

Yeah. Okay. Well, let's, let's start with what it is, right? Like, let's define it and then let's come up with a plan to ditch it. So I call it the Monday mentality because we've all been there. Right. And I always give this example, cause I think every woman can relate where you go on like a diet and you say New Year's resolution, right? Like January 1st, right? I'm gonna go to the gym for like 4 hours a day and, and I'm gonna drink all the gallons of water and never look at bread or chocolate or whatever. And by Tuesday or You are like, cool, this isn't working for me. I am going to try again on Monday, right? Don't we do it? Don't we do it everywhere? Yes. We do it with every single goal because somewhere along the line we get these condition, like conditioning in our head that you have to do all or nothing, that you have to like jump in all the way. I am all for going after your goals. Like I am all for dreaming big, but I find that as moms, you have to look at your goals differently. In order to see success. So, because we struggle to stick with things, moms, oh man, we lack confidence, honestly. We don't believe we can actually do it because the patterns in our life have told us we failed so much and we get really defeated. Now, if I was to ask a mom like what their problem was, they are not going to be like, well, I don't have confidence. I can, you know, get to my goals. Like nobody is identifying that. But honestly, like that is what it is. So, I like to help moms ditch the Monday mentality, that mentality that you can push off your goals for the week to the next month, to the next year, and then it's 5 years later and you've got the same goals. Okay. So how do we do it? You can't jump in all or nothing. You've got to make a strategic and scaffolded plan. And so this is what I teach. And it's a concept I call habit stacking, where instead of jumping in and doing everything at once, you make a very— and I use the word strategic on purpose because Man, I hear all these moms all the time like, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with my motivation? Like, I have my willpower. It's not about you're not motivated. It's not about your willpower. It's not about your why not being strong enough. You know those memes, right? Like, your why needs to be stronger than your excuses. Oh, it's crud. Like, it's trash. It's not about that. It's the fact that you didn't make a strategic plan and the plan that you did make probably had too much stuff on it for the season of life you're in. And that if you make a plan that is like seasonal based on what you're going through, like my plan with my kids, they are at school right now compared to a mom growing her business whose kids are at home. Our lives are different. My sister just had a baby. She's in newborn land. That's very different, right? Very rough. Um, and, and I think that that's the thing that we neglect. We have these like cookie cutter, one size fits all plans for your goals. Get this planner, follow these steps, do these things. And they don't work, but we think that they're going to work because it's all we've been shown. And then when we don't complete them, we think there's something wrong with us. Instead, I want to tell you there's something wrong with the plan. And so let's talk about like, how do we get past this? Um, let's talk about a routine-based goal. So I teach 3 different types of goals. I teach, um, project-based goals, um, numerical-based goals and routine-based goals. Okay. So habit stacking works really well for the routine-based goals. Because this is another thing I notice, you know, moms will come in and they will try to attack all their goals the same way. And those 3 goals I just mentioned, you have to make a plan for them differently because they are different types of goals. You can't just, you know, SMART goals are great and I believe in them, right? But they aren't for every single goal. So, we have got to be specific. So, this habit stacking works great for routine or habit-based goals. So, when I am talking about routine or habit-based goals, I am talking about things like your evening routine or your morning routine, right? Like those things that you want. I will add this too. Moms will ask me a lot, what is the difference, right, between goals, habits, and routines? So, when you look at, right, you have got your goals at top. That is like what you want to achieve. Now, your routines are what you are going to be doing to help support your goals. It is kind of like, like the when and the how, right?

Your routine is the when and the how that supports your goals.

Then the habits are what keeps the you working on them every day. So your goal might be like, I want to run a half marathon. The routine might be that I work out and I have a morning workout routine. Your habit is that you stick your, you sleep in your workout clothes, right? So it's like the habit that builds the routine that builds the goal. So I just want to just say that. Yeah. Get some like goal routines 101 before we jump in. Okay. So habit stacking, ready? We're going to think of a routine that you have. And I typically tell moms, go ahead and break it into 4 concrete things that you want to do. And I only pick 4 truthfully because it's easy math. There's typically 4 weeks in a month. You don't have to do 4. You could do 8, you could do 16, you could do less, like customize this, but 4 is easy for this example. So say for example, I was like, okay, I want to have an evening routine that's like super strong because if moms ask me like, what routine should I start with? I always tell them the evening. I think the evening routine is more important than the morning routine. It's more important than any routine you have because it sets your day up. Like if you've ever woken up and the dishes are all still in the sink because you didn't load them and you're like, oh my gosh, now I'm behind in my day.

Right?

Like, We don't yet. So say we have an evening routine. When you're creating any type of goal, I recommend that you look at your vision. Where do you want to go with it? What do you want it to look like? Because if you don't have your plan, then, and you don't know where you want to go, when life does get tough and you're not motivated, because there will be a point when you're not motivated, there's a point when I'm not motivated. I don't know.

Absolutely.

It happens to all of us. So let's be proactive about it. Let's create our vision so we know where we're going so we can go with our plan. So what do you want to do in this evening routine? So maybe I want to like load my dishes in the dishwasher. Maybe I want to make lunches for tomorrow. Uh, I want to look at my planner for the next day and then, um, I want to like read for myself. Okay. Um, and so what's your vision? Now we're going to go back and we're actually going to do, um, a baseline. So I always say you start with your vision and then you go to your baseline. Where are you at now? Because we'll make these really great routines and goals, but we will shove, literally like shove, shove, shove so many things in that actually don't make sense to fit there because we want them to be jam-packed. And so after you create your vision for your, your goal, your habit, your routine, um, say this evening routine, you're like, these are the 4 things I want. I actually recommend you go and you track what are you doing in your current evening routine. Now for some people, they're like, maybe I'm not doing anything. For some people, they're doing lots of things. For most of us, I bet we could write down that we're like scrolling Facebook or Instagram or like, let's, let's be real. I will complain about loading the dishwasher longer than it takes me to load the dishwasher.

Absolutely.

Right. True. I will spend 20 minutes when I know for a fact it takes me 7.

And so I love that you know that.

And I know that because I did this time inventory. So this is why I recommend you do it. One, it's gonna let you know, hey, am I putting too many things in this block? Like, am I trying to do too much right now? Like, I just had a conversation with one of the members of the Purpose Driven Mom Club, which is my membership. And she was saying the same. She's like, my evening routine, like it's not working. And she listed like 12 things. And I was like, you're trying to do too many things.

That's a lot.

Yeah. You're not setting yourself up for like a really smart and strategic plan. So when you do an inventory, you're gonna find out real quick, whoa, is this way too many things? That I said I wanted to do in this 2-hour block? Do, do all these things make sense to happen here? So sometimes you'll find in your time inventory— and when I say time inventory, I'm sorry, let me back up. I literally want you to write down how long things take you. And I don't love a minute-by-minute. I'm not an hourly scheduler. I'm a time blocker. This is the only time I will ask people to do this because you want the time. So if it takes you like— start your timer on your phone. How long does it take to load the dishes, right? If you're sitting there scrolling, I love TikTok, so I'll like scroll my TikTok, right? I will write down 20 minutes of scrolling. Like, I write all those things down because when you know how long it takes, then when you're complaining, I'll be like, okay, Kara, it's only going to take you 7 minutes. Just get started. Just get started. You know, like, you will kind of like get rid of that excuse that we have that it's going to take long because we know for a fact. So it gives us that, right? So we can use that in our toolbox when we're feeling motivated. Um, and then it'll also let us know, like, is this the right time of day to do something? So maybe you notice if you do like a full day time inventory, maybe you notice you're doing laundry like 5 times a day, or like by the time you're done with it or something, or checking your email X amount of times, you can start to think strategically about your time blocking schedule and like batch together all of that. Like you can move things around. So step 1, we do our vision. Step 2, we go back and spend 3 days on a baseline. Like just really write it down and look at it and be like, ah, does this fit here? Like, Do I want to be doing this here? Like maybe I say I want to take a course, like one module of a course in my evening routine, but I'm never doing it. Well, then you can analyze why. I don't want to, I feel like I'm going really far from the question, so I'm going to bring it in. But like, you can—

No, it's okay. This is good stuff.

There's so much you can do to analyze like why a routine isn't working. And we can talk about that too, but you analyze it. So then, then you make your plan. So back to the habit stacking, right? So you know what you want to do. You figured it out. It all aligns for you. So now your plan is going to include starting with small chunks to grow and gain your confidence. So maybe week 1, your only goal is loading that dishwasher and that is all you are going to do. Now, a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, it is going to take me a whole month to get this routine down. Yeah. I mean, like, how long have you been working on it? Like, that is— and how long have you been trying it? And they are like, you know, years. Exactly, like, right. We have been trying so hard. Why do we feel like we have to rush everything? I mean, I know why, because society says, as moms, we need to be doing this, this, and this, and we need to go here, here, and here. And you don't need to be in all those places. Like when you make a plan for yourself and you show up with integrity and respect that plan, that goes like, you know, that'll be like amazing for your confidence and showing up for you. And it also like ditches the guilt a little bit. Like say I have this plan and I know that I'm going to work on my evening routine this month and my morning routine next month. I'm not saying I'm never going to work on my morning routine. I'm just saying, I just want to hyperfocus on one thing. And when you hyperfocus on one thing, you are going to notice the trickle effect. So maybe Week 1, I am just doing my dishes, but all of a sudden you are like, wait a minute, that didn't take as long. Cool. Maybe I will do something else. And instead of it just being a random something else, because we have created the vision, you know what your next step is going to be. So maybe you sweep the floor or do the planner or whatever it is, right? And some days you don't want to do it. So you do the one thing and you pat yourself on the back and you are like, I showed up in the way I said I was going to show up. Way to go. And then you get to the end of that week and we do a concept called like stack and track where you kind of look at your data. I think that we get really, I'm a very emotional person, like by nature I'm like emotional. I like, I will cry over anything. So we, we let our feelings dictate our plans. And a lot of times moms, you know, we do planning together in my membership and they'll be like, I only did this, or I didn't show up for this. And I'll say, well, how did you show up? Like, what did it look like? And then when they look at the numbers, they're like, wait a minute, I actually did. And so I recommend you track how many days a week did you do the one thing you said you were going to do? And once you hit whatever your number is, you know, like 80% is quote technically mastery, but your number could be more or less. You decide, am I gonna track it? I'm sorry. Am I gonna stack it or am I gonna keep it the same? So if you're hitting just the dishes at like 50%, you might say, mm, you know, I'm gonna try for one more week at trying to get 67% and then trying to get 80%, right? Like I'm gonna try, I'm gonna grow. Or if you're ready, you can then add a second thing in. So now week 2, you're loading your dishes and you're sweeping the floors, right? So those are 2 things. And this also using habit stacking is so great because it allows our bodies to get used to a new schedule, right? Especially if you think about the mornings, everyone's like a morning person. If you start to say you're going to get up 2 hours early, your body doesn't know what's happening.

15 minutes at a time, like a shocking shock.

Yes. That's exactly what it is. And by trying to all of a sudden be like, I've got this perfect 2-hour evening routine, I'm going to do it. You're just overwhelming yourself and you're just going to quit and you deserve more than that. So why not make a plan that's going to get you habits that will stick and habits you can get your family on board with, right? Like if, for example, I use habit stacking with my kids all the time, all the time, everything we do, like their morning routine, we're habit stacking it right now. And the reason it works well when we do it with our kids is because We think, and I was just telling my husband this, like we make these plans for our kids, right? Like we have got this new routine. They have got to do this pickup and that. Well, I have to remember all the things for me. Oh, and now I have to remember to check in with them on their goals because my kids, my 3 and my 5-year-old, like they are little, right? Like I have got to give them the stickers on the chart. I have got to, like I am the one doing that. It is too much for me to remember. So instead of all of a sudden changing everything in every place that we are in, slow and steady scaffold it up until you go to a place where you can grow it. And maybe you're even— your routine one day has 8 things in it and it feels great and you don't have to track it anymore. Like, I've gotten to the place with a few of my, my morning routine, like, that thing just flows, right? Like, we're, we're, you know, like, we barely get out of the house on time, but it flows, right? Like, it really is. But it's because we've been working on it for so long. And then you don't track it, and then you can move to something else, you know? And I'll hear moms say to me, like, oh, I don't want to get stuck on like just my morning routine for like 6 months. And so I actually recommend, well, you can do like a parallel system. So maybe this month is all the evening routine. And then next month you keep your evening routine the same with your 4 things and you start your morning routine. And then at the end of the month, now you've got 2 routines that are full. Then if you want to grow your evening routine, then you grow your evening routine, keep your morning routine. And at this point you might be able to start a midday routine, you know, like you can really customize and play around with it. But you're unable to do that if you don't have the numbers. If you're not tracking it, if you're not looking at the data, you're just going to get in your head about it because all you're going to remember is the one day this week you didn't do it.

Well, and you've answered so many of my questions, and I want to point out something so important that you said. You said so many good things, but one of the concepts that every mother will tell you is that they're overwhelmed. And I think that the bottom line to that, as I'm listening to you and thinking about myself, is our expectations are like the shocking expectations that you're talking about. We can't all of a sudden get up 2 hours early in the morning and expect ourselves to just run. I love that you're doing little bits, slow and steady. And I think we're overwhelmed because we're expecting like so much of ourselves every day. I mean, you've answered so many of my questions. I just love everything you've said. I love the parallel thinking. I loved your parallel thinking even about reading. I was listening about how you parallel read. We can get so much done doing that concept.

Yeah, and I want to talk about the expectations because I've had some— I've had people say to me, because what I teach like goes against what a lot of goal-setting people teach about like go, you know, hustle and go for it. I want moms to dream big. I think that you can have whatever you want. I firmly believe that it's possible. Yes, I think that there is a missing component of real— like realism with what our life is. And I think that it's not about not shooting for the stars or the moon or whatever the saying is. It's not about that. It's about this is what I want and this is my plan to get there. And I think we need to put our blinders on a little bit when it comes to what we think other people are doing, because I think that's where moms get— like you see it on Pinterest, you see it on Instagram, and even You know, I was sharing something on Facebook. So my daughter in January, she was diagnosed with epilepsy and I had shared about it on my Instagram, you know, because that's just my people. And I hadn't shared about it on my personal Facebook page because it was, I was just really personal. Right. And so I finally shared about it a couple of weeks ago and the amount of people who were like, I had no idea this was happening. And I was like, I haven't talked to you. And you know, like it shocked me and it stopped me and it made me realize something. People really truly think that you post everything on the internet. Like, they really think that everything that's going on in your life— because a lot of us post a lot, and I do too, I'm super active on my social. And it made me chuckle, like, oh wow, people really think I'm posting everything, everything, and that they're— that if they don't know it, then it's not real or something like that. And I think we have to remember that. I think it's really easy to see what another mom is doing and think, I'm inadequate, I'm not doing it, nobody else ever yells at their kids or has a messy house. Like, it's so easy. And then we think Well, because this mom is doing this and running her business, like I'm not doing whatever, whatever it is. Right. And I think it's important to a few things here. One is like, yeah, you've got to put your blinders on. A friend of mine said it once to me and I'll never forget it. She said, if you're on anyone's social for more than 5 minutes, you need to unfollow because you're either comparing yourself or you're judging them. And I was like, ooh, okay.

Yeah.

Because, because that's what you're doing after 5 minutes of scrolling somebody's page, like your brain starting to play tricks. And you'll remember their Instagram handle. Like, just go back later, right? Like, you can unfollow, like, you'll be fine, right? And so I think that's one is I think we need to just start to notice what feelings we get. Where do we start to feel inadequate? Where do we start to feel like we're not good enough or not showing up? And I think we need to also remember that not everyone is sharing every bit of it. For every pretty posed picture is paper shoved to the side that you can't see, right?

Yes, 100%.

And I think even though I know it, I forget it sometimes. Like, we all know it in our hearts, but we forget it because it brings out like whatever you're the most insecure about is what you're going to pull from other people. So if I'm insecure about my house not being clean, that is what my eye is going to target in. Wow, look at that.

So true.

Like, it's so clean, you know, like that's where our brains go. But the second piece, like, okay, so great. Like, I give you strategies, but you also need to surround yourself with a community of people who are going to be realistic and build you up at the same time. Like, you can be around groups of friends in the internet space in real life, and they might be like yes people and just kind of like, it'll be okay, it'll be okay. And I think that's great, like you need cheerleaders, but you also need people who are going to be like, okay, but now what? Do you want help? And I think that we were just talking about this in one of my student community groups, like asking people like, hey, I could really use a solution, or I could really use some comfort, you know, like what do I need? Yes, yes, because you see friends that bring you both. And I think that being around other for women that are working on their goals is super important because when you start to work on your goals, you are going to start to hit resistance from other people. So, like the people in your life, and the reason this happens is because, one, it like threatens them. It is fear-based. They are afraid. Wait a minute. If they change, they are not going to need me anymore. I am not going to be important. So, I hit this in my life when from the time I was about 16 to 26, I had a big drinking problem. And around 26, I stopped drinking and I told my friends, like, I can't do this anymore. And my friend said to me, quote, I just am afraid we're never going to see you again because this is what we do. And I'm happy to say that that person is still one of my closest friends. You know, at 37 years old.

I'm so glad.

But, but not everyone made it through that cut. Right. And right. And it's important to realize that. And it wasn't about me. It was— they were like, if Kara changes, then she's not going to need us. Like, we can't accept that. And that's how our brains, humans work, right? And then the other thing is it points this like mirror up to their face. Should I be changing? Should I be working on these things? And that makes people who aren't ready to work on their goals super uncomfortable because you have to be ready. Like, I teach a method, it's called the SOAR method, and the S stands for setting a healthy mindset. If you don't believe that you're capable of achieving your goals, you're not gonna. Like, if you really just don't believe it, and it's not your fault you don't believe it, like, you know, we don't have to go into like brain science, but like, like the limiting beliefs that we have ingrained in our head, um, they really will get you. Like, our thoughts, um, really can impact us. And so you have to have this belief that I'm capable of change, I'm capable of hitting my goals, I'm capable of managing my time, I'm not going to do it perfectly, but I can do it. And you have to work on that. That's like a whole thing you got to work on. But if you're not around other people who feel that way, as soon as something happens and you, you know, that's why most people quit their resolutions, right? By the second week in February, right? That's whatever the statistic is. I think it's like 8% of people make it through. Until you get there, you need those people to be like, hey, you've been missing for a bit. Hey, what's going on? And encouraging you to show up because showing up, that's progress. Showing up for something like, um, I'll tell women in my membership, we do it like I said, a Sunday call. And sometimes they'll like kind of ghost for a while and they won't be in the group, but they'll show up and be like, hey, I haven't been here in a while. And we just cheer for them because I love that. Up, like, that's harder when you fall off the wagon when it comes to your goals. It is so hard to get back on. And that's why If you ever read the book, The Compound Effect, do you know that book by Darren Hardy? Okay. So we talked about compound effect. Yeah. It was the first personal growth book I read. And it talks a lot about essentially the habit stacking. It's momentum, right? And so, you know, like a flywheel, I don't know where they use these things, farms maybe, but they go like super slow. You got to push them really, really, really hard. And then as soon as you get them over that first hump, they're like spin, spin, spin, spin, spin, right? The compound effect is just that. You get those small, small chunks in and then you can kind of keep going. But as soon as it stops, it's really hard to get. And that's where that Monday mentality comes back in.

Yes.

So hard to get started. But when you have a support community around you, when you have people that are kind of like bought into your vision and you have a plan to support that, you can fall off the wagon and get back on because you have a plan. Because I noticed this too, Rebecca, let me tell you, I work with so many moms and the one thing that throws them off is life. They're like, my kid got sick. I had to stop now. And like in the past, like my kids are at school, but they've, they've been home like 4 different times for the school. Yeah. Well, like I, and I think what we need to do when we make plans for our goals is we need to ask ourselves before we start, what obstacles am I going to hit? Just, just put it out there because you know, it's going to, like, we know what's going to happen. And what happens is we don't identify it in advance. So then when it happens, we freak out and then we don't know how to get back on. So if you come up with a plan for like your quarterly goals or something, for example, and you're like, great. These are what I want to work on. What could possibly happen? And this isn't like, oh, we're being doomsday. Like, it isn't like I'm being pessimistic. I'm being realistic because I, so I did this with my kids. I said, they're at school right now, but I know that there is a possibility that because someone gets COVID, they're home. So what am I going to do now so that when that happens, I don't freak out. I've got a filing cabinet over there with activities that I went through and printed crafts, like less. And I was a teacher. So like, it's a little more natural for me, but like, I've got it ready. I know, I know exactly what it is. So when they were home, they were home all last week. Um, and so I was like, all right, we're here. This is how I made like an alternate schedule. I was like, this is what it's going to be. And hey, if it happens, it happens. Uh, and we'll roll with it. And it'll be hard. I'm not going to say it's gonna be easy, but at least I have a plan. And, um, if it doesn't, great. I wasted some printer paper.

Well, and you're predicting and planning for barriers And people don't always know to do that. But I will tell you that who I was trying to remember which mom I was talking to, and she said to me that every day is a new day. And I don't know if everyone agrees with her, but I do wake up every day and think, okay, so maybe I didn't do X yesterday, but I'm up, it's Wednesday and I'm going to do it today. So I think that, you know, again, like it's the same thing over and over. We're so hard on ourselves. It drives me crazy. I do it to myself. I'm teaching it to my kids. I see other mothers doing it like, it's okay, it's a new day. What are we going to do different today?

Yeah, it's this mix. I like to say it's intentionality and grace. Like that. Yes. Yes. Like when I started Purpose Driven Mom, that was the tagline, parenting with grace and intentionality, because I don't want to— I don't want to get to the end of the day and been like, it is what it is. And let me, okay, let's be real. I have days like that, right? Like we have days when I'm like, whatever, everybody grab a tablet. Like, I don't know what we're doing today. Right. And like, and then that's fine. Right. But more often than not, our days are like more intentional. And this isn't, again, not an hour-by-hour structure, not none of that. It's just intentional. What are we doing during this time block? What are we doing? You know? And then also the grace to be like, okay, these things didn't happen. I'm not gonna beat myself up. I'm not going to get down on myself. I'm going to be strategic about a plan. And this is actually why when I plan my week, I plan blank spaces like white space in my calendar intentionally. And I talk about this concept of like Thought Hack.

Oh, smart.

Yep. I just started doing this the past 6 months and it was a game changer because what was happening was people were coming to me, my family, I say people, and they needed things. And I was like, well, my schedule is like tight. Like I don't have space for this because I was, I was putting too much in. And so I started to map out an hour on Wednesday mornings and an hour on Friday afternoons with nothing. And I call it thought catcher time. So now when things pop up, when I'm in the shower, when I think of something, when someone's like, I need this, I don't have to do what we call the stop and drop. And all of a sudden the plan that Kara made for the week, right? We don't respect that plan. I'm like, no, I made a Sunday plan. Kara was like, I love this plan. Like, this plan rocks. So I'm going to respect her, right? And I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to keep to it. So I keep a list of all the things that I need. And then on Wednesday mornings, I drop my kids to school and I take my hour to run all my errands, make all my phone calls that I randomly thought of, because, you know, you can start making one phone call and then an hour later throws you off course. So I can still stick to my plan, but I can ditch the guilt because I know that. And I can say to my family, hey, you know, husband, I see that you need this. I'll be able to go to the store on Wednesday. I'm not telling them no. I'm not saying fend for yourself. I'm saying great. This is the boundary and this is when I'm gonna do it. And it's hard in the beginning, but I think it teaches your family like, hey, mom's not just like a— mom's not your, what's it called, Instacart driver or whatever. Like, she's not just gonna go get your stuff. So I have two of those and it helps me like catch up on loose ends and things that I forget during the week.

I love how planful you are. Like, I'm sitting here thinking about how specific you are and I think that that the reason why we struggle is because we're not analyzing our days and we're not tracking. Like you said, I can't tell you how long it takes me to do the dishes. I can't tell you how long the laundry takes me. Like, I'm not really analyzing my days and my routine and my schedule. I mean, you're really making me think over here.

Yeah, I, so I will say, I am like, my husband is very numbers-based, and so it's rubbed off on me. I'm very like big picture thinker, but also need the details. Like, I get very nitty-gritty. And the reason that that happened for me was because big picture is no urgency, right? Like, big picture is like, I'll do it whenever. Too many details, um, can get you like stuck in the weeds where you're, you're feeling behind. So I think you need a mix of both. But one of the things I started teaching and doing this year is intentional goal auditing, because I was, you know, getting on my goal path and goals weren't working, but I was still trying to trudge this, like push through this plan. Like this has gotta work. I said it was gonna work. And so I actually recommend monthly, if not quarterly, doing goal audits. And so goal audits are literally like looking at one of your goals, project-based, numerical-based, or routine-based that aren't working. And instead of I'm a failure, I can't do this, this will never happen, be a detective. Like why isn't it working? And so, like I said, we were just talking about this on a call the other day because Someone was saying like this procrastination, and you know, like they were getting stuck in feeling like they had to have everything perfect, but they— before they can move on. I always tell them like perfectionism is another form of procrastination. There could be a reason your goal isn't working is because you're procrastinating. So why are you procrastinating? Because you don't have the 30 perfect minutes for your Bible study? Because you wake up late? Like, is, is it a perfectionist thing here, or is it not working because there's a flaw in the plan? Like, is it not working because it's not the right time of day for you to be doing this thing, or you didn't chunk it down enough, or, or whatever it is. Our goals are fluid and we have to let them be fluid, even though, man, I would love to start the quarter with my beautiful Trello board and everything's cool, everything's perfect, every week is perfect, and I never have to get behind on things. But because that's not realistic, if I just kept trying to force into a plan that I made without stopping to adjust it, I would get frustrated. I would hit tons of roadblocks and not know how to push past them. And I would probably just quit and say, I'll try again later. But if you start to look at your goals as this fluid thing, I think you start to just shift your mindset around quitting because you know that you can just, you can adjust and keep going. But until you have like systems for that, I do think it can be really challenging.

Well, and you know, there's so many areas that I want to talk to you about and I'm not going to keep you like forever, but I do want to touch on one more thing before I let you go. We're talking about goals. We're talking about time management. There's— I feel like what you're saying relates to organization. Can we talk about organization for a minute? Are you using the same type of model with helping people know even where to begin getting more organized?

Sure. I mean, I think there's a few layers to organization, right? So a lot of the moms that come to me, they need to organize their schedules. Now there's like different— you can organize your house, right? You could organize your schedules. You could organize, um, your tasks. I think there's a lot of different ways to go about it. So when I think about the organization I teach mostly is like this schedule organization, like how do you manage these things? And now there's a whole bunch of systems I could talk about, like keeping papers organized and all those things. But when it comes to organization, I actually, I teach it on Trello. I teach moms to use Trello, which is an absolutely free website and an app where it's a visual organizer. And it actually started as a project management tool for business businesses. And a few years ago, a friend of mine and me were looking at it and we were like, moms can do this. Like we can, like we are the CEO.

We can do anything.

Exactly. Like why don't we take this project management tool for businesses and manage our homes with it? And so this is how I visually help moms get organized because there's like cards, you can move things around, you can see it. So this will be anything from organizing like your holiday planning and shopping to your meal planning, to your goals. And I think that for me, I have found Trello to be the system that has helped me get all my, my stuff down because I can't remember it if I don't write it down.

Me too, 100%. I'll say, oops, I didn't write that down. That's why I didn't do it. Exactly.

It's exactly. And so I like having Trello because you can keep it on your phone and you can keep it on the computer. Now I will say I'm a hybrid planner, so I use paper and pencil planner and Trello. So I map my goals in advance on Trello. I check in with my goals on Trello, but when it comes to a schedule, I do that in a paper planner just because I like to visibly see it in front of me.

Wow. I'm like, my, my mind is blown. I'm, I'm going through my days as I'm talking to you and I, and I think that the thing I'm most frustrated with is when I'm laughing at you saying that you were on TikTok for 20 minutes. I think if we actually looked at how many times we are on our phone doing mindless things. If I just got rid of that a little bit, I think I would feel like I had so much more time.

I want to say, like, I don't want to demonize social media either. TV or any of those things. But I think that if you start to time inventory it, you will say, OK, or heck, our phones do it. Just go into your phone. It will tell you how long you were on your apps, right? Just minimize, habit stack. Track it. Say, hey, I spent an hour on TikTok today. My goal this week is to spend 45 minutes a day on TikTok and just take that 15 minutes until you get to a place where you're comfortable. And if you're like, you know what, I want to spend 30 minutes every day on TikTok because it's fun for me, spend 30, that's fine. Okay, cool. But when you have the data, you have comfortable leeway to find a place that feels good for you. Because otherwise you're like, I can never be on TikTok. It's such a time waste. It may be, but maybe you're— because you're spending 3 hours on it. If you get it down to 30 minutes, then you know, this is my time. I get to be on TikTok soon. I can ditch the guilt when I'm doing it and just enjoy. And I think that that's okay as well. Like, we're allowed to enjoy. Like, we're allowed to have fun. We're allowed as moms, like, go watch TV. Like, go do, do those things. But it's about being intentional.

Well, and the other fine line with you and I is that I work work so much on social media.

Yeah.

So I also think that it's time to pay attention to how much time of it's work and how much time of it is play. So that's a whole nother conversation.

It's hard. I take my social, my Facebook off my phone on the weekends because I use it for work, Facebook, uh, and I don't like it in my personal life. So I just took it off my phone and it's okay. Yeah. And so Instagram, I haven't been able to do that one yet, but I could do without. So on Saturdays and Sundays it's my phone and that helps.

That's interesting because I'm so much more attached to Facebook. I need to get more into Instagram.

Yeah, I like Instagram so much better. And because I have to use both for work, it's really hard. But I found that like I just needed to get rid— I would like to get rid of both of them. Like, I would love to have no— my goal, see, my vision is that I have no social media on my phone. And so I actually made a plan. This month I'm focusing on Facebook. Next month I'm going to add in Instagram.

Amazing.

You do it for everything.

Well, you're so inspiring. You inspire me talking to you now. You inspire me every time I put your podcast on in my kitchen while I'm cleaning and getting things done. What— is there anything that I haven't asked you that you would like to share?

Shoot, I feel like we covered everything.

Oh my God, I know the two of us are like, whoa!

I know, I'm like, this is— I didn't really— I just looked at the time too. I was like, oh, we covered a lot. No, I think that So, you know, for the moms that are listening or the women listening, I just want to say like, you're doing a great job. And if you do want to make changes or improve, I think that's awesome. And then it's totally possible for you.

Well, thank you so very much. Can you tell everyone where to go find you?

Yeah, sure. So Instagram is my favorite social media. I'm over at @apurposedrivenmom. My podcast is called The Purpose Driven Mom Show. So you're listening to podcasts, I'm assuming you're a podcast listener. Podcast listener. So just go to a little search, come and find me. And then if you want help, uh, with your goals, I do have a free workshop. It's, uh, How to Take Massive Action on Your Goals Without Overwhelm, and that's at apurposedrivermom.com/goals. Otherwise, I'd love— you can send me a DM. I'd love to hear if you listen today.

Thank you so much for taking time out of your crazy schedule to be with me today.

Thank you for having me.

This is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast. Us, reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.