The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene Episode 052 Keeping Organization Hopeful and Simple

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello, this is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am so excited to have Melissa Stetcher. Did I say it right?

With us today.

Melissa is the owner and creator of Hopeful Simplicity. In 2017, she reached her snapping point as a mom, full-time employee, co-parent, blending families, some personal health issues, and still being asked all those at-home questions like, what's for dinner? She broke. She was angry and tired all the time and knew that wasn't the person she wanted to to be. This is when she started swapping. Swapped bad habits for better ones, started making her bed each morning just to feel like she was accomplishing something each day, swapped harsh chemical products for natural options, and the whole home team started cleaning. She even swapped unsuccessful organizing systems for compromised successes. In 2018, she took a leap of faith in herself and got certified as a professional organizer. Now, not only does she get to save time, save money, and live less stressed, but she also gets to help others find hope in their chaos and clutter. Welcome, Melissa. Thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. Me too.

You are so much fun. And I'm so excited to talk to you. And this is a perfect topic for me. So let's start with, tell us what Hopeful Simplicity Organizing is and how you got inspired to start this business.

So it is, we focus on, we being me, uh, we focus on shifting that overwhelming concept of it's all on me, right? A lot of moms, a lot of women, depending on how old I may or may not be, have that concept of home management's on me, right? Like It's up to me to manage all the people, places, and things that come with home life. No, no. And before, like, we focus on tackling— sometimes it's a hard conversation, and sometimes it's bringing people to the forefront of reality. Honey, you work full-time. You have kids that are, you know, you got to get them to ballet, then to soccer, and at some point in time it's 9:30 and you're like, shit, it's shower time and eating time and Oh, oh, I should have stopped for 5 seconds today. Who's going to do the dishes? So we shift it from that overwhelm to a home team management. Yes, it's just— and you're right. So it's— I don't want to be stressed out, and I don't want to be that role model for my kid, right? I don't want him to think that stressed out and resentful and angry is normal, right? And I don't want him to think that he can't pick up a dish rag and do a dish, right? He's a boy and that's not the boy job. Mm-hmm. Okay. So we shift all of that and that's kind of how it all started and blossomed because I couldn't do it. I could not do it anymore.

It's too much on us. It's really too much on us, which is probably going to be the answer to your next, my next question. Can you tell us one of the biggest mistakes we make when we try to organize our home?

We try to fit in a box. Ah, so we go to the store, containers, right? Oh, it's a new year, I'm gonna get organized. Sure you are. You're gonna buy 20 of those containers that Lowe's tells you that you need to organize all your stuff, but then you realize that that's not the right style for you. If you're somebody that needs a simple system, then if you have a lid, you're just not gonna— nobody's gonna take that lid off to put it back. So the biggest, the biggest struggle is stop telling yourself you're going to get organized and not try something new. Aha.

I try to figure out what works. It's really good advice because you talk about this, you talk about— so I didn't know that this existed. Okay, so you're going to teach us this because I've been listening to you and loving your videos. Okay, so I didn't know there were different types of organizing people. Okay, so let's talk about what is a visual versus a non-visual organizer.

So a visual versus non-visual. Visual, they need to see their stuff. I am this way with like those important papers, that if it's out of sight, it's out of mind. But that paper that's due for school yesterday, is it in the paper box? And so visual, you have to see it. You might even get anxious if you can't see it. You're like, oh, holy crickets. Where'd I put it? And then you're overwhelmed with the concept of trying to find it.

Yeah.

Overbuying because you didn't immediately see it in front of your face. You're like, well, obviously I don't have it. So now I have 12 jars of peanut butter because I couldn't see it. I say peanut butter because I will eat 12 jars of peanut butter. Now, non-visual is going to be the opposite. I am non-visual in 90% of my organizing for my own personal style. So if I see all my stuff, it's overwhelming. I like to put things in a drawer behind a door. Everything's— if I have a clear countertop and a clear table— oh yes, yes, yeah, nice. That's nice. And that's, that's the biggest difference. Now when you go to the store and you see all these pretty containers, that's where it's tricky, right? Automatically you think Oh, it's clear. That way I can see it. If I see it all, regardless if it's a clear container or not, I'm gonna lose it.

Uh-huh.

Freak me out. But I live with a 12-year-old, right? So if he can't see it, it's not getting put back. It's not right here. Where's it at, Mom? You know, I mean, you have kids, you know, where's it at? I can't find it, Mom. Yes. So we find those compromises in the visual versus non-visual and lean toward him in those common spaces.

So we need to not only figure out what we are, we have to figure out what our family is, right?

Well, yes, yes and no. Most of the time you're gonna know and you don't even realize you know, right? So if, if you're I'm not gonna throw the husband under the bus, so we'll go toward the kids. Um, we'll say if the kids struggle with their closet doors always open, their drawers are always open, there's stuff, right? I'm looking for that shirt and nothing goes back in the drawer because they have to see it, right? And the flip side is that there's not only is it visual and non-visual But it's macro and micro.

That's my next question, right?

So, so my son, for instance, he leans toward the visual organizer and a macro organizer. So it has to be easy. There are no lids, there are no drawers, there's no bin inside of a bin, which is just wrong, but that's fine. Do you, kid? Where I am, I will have a box inside of a box inside a box. They're all going to be labeled, they're all going to be lidded, and they're all going to be pretty.

Okay, so that's micro.

That's micro.

Okay.

Oh, if you ever look at our medicine cabinet, we have like— I don't do a lot of over-the-counter medicine, but we have a— it's like an office organizer that holds 4 little boxes, and each of those little boxes has a lid, and it all fits in one container. That is a micro organizer. But there is no way that 12-year-old is going to take a lid off, right? Right, so if you have lidded items, if you have lidded containers in a pantry or in a bathroom closet or anything like that, hey honey, go put this away, it's going to go on the shelf, right? It's not going to go in the— let me take— because they're, they're already on to the next thing. A macro organizer, we gotta put it away quick. It's got to be easy.

Okay, okay, I'm learning, I'm learning from you. I, I am worried about I almost— I'm being so selfish right now while I'm talking to you. I almost don't care what works for my family. I'm like, what works for mom makes it right.

But let me, let me ask you, let me build on that and ask you a question. How often do you get annoyed following people around and putting things away correctly?

Every single day, right?

So we build on that and we're like, why can't you just put it away right? Why can't you just do this? And then when our kids are older, they're gonna be like, Mom, how do I cut a potato? Well, why didn't you just— get out of the way, I'll do it. I don't want that. I want vacations and naps when I'm old. Yes, I want you to call me to figure out how to manage being an adult. So if you compromise just a little bit, yeah, I read over 12 books last year, which is a big thing. Like, hey, I got free time. You can put your own stuff away. I don't have to follow you around.

Yeah.

The more calm you are, it's just better for it. Then, then mom is happy. Everybody's happy.

It's true. So that's a way for us to be happy is to make systems that work for them too, so that we're not following them around. Right?

You're not following them around. And it's hard. I mean, that is, it's hard. I lived through it like, ugh. You're doing, you're doing it wrong, right? Those voices we tell ourselves are like, why can't you just do it my way? Because my way is the only way and the right way. But I don't want to hinder my child from being a productive adult, right? So I had to be real, like, I gotta let go of some of that control, and then I can fold my socks and be as pretty and small and detailed as I want in my space. Yeah, it's hard. It, it was definitely hard for me to let go because I am a control freak and I am a perfectionist and I'm recovering.

We, I think we all are. I think we are. I think that each, I think that our kids make us work on that, right?

Yeah. And I mean, of a certain generation, you've been told it's your job to run the house, it's your job to clean, it's the pink jobs. That we're supposed to take care of, and that's all things indoors.

Yeah, yeah, so true.

Yeah, it's true. And like, that's our programming, and we don't even know it. There's like, I'm supposed to be a good girl and sit in this box and make sure everybody served dinner, and here's your cigar and slippers, honey, and all my kids are perfect and everything's homegrown and made. No, no, it is not 1950s, as much as I love the outfits.

No, it's not. It's not. We're in 2021, right?

We are working. We're working full-time, if not more.

I know, I know.

No, no.

Well, and as you're talking, I'm learning more about myself and I feel like I just don't want to see it. Okay. So like I'm, I'm thinking about what makes me anxious and like the clutter makes me anxious. The countertops make me anxious.

Yeah.

So how do we work on our clutter and our countertops? Help me.

One space at a time.

One space at a time.

So, so I'm a mom. I am a full-time employee at a health facility right now. And I run my own business. And my son is 12. He is active. So as we were going through our HOPEFUL journey, he was working on his first degree black belt. Out. Oh wow, 5 nights of classes. What am I— I don't— did we eat today? So we do one small space at a time, 15 minutes a day. So I gave myself, I gave myself the, the ugly talk and permission of when he goes to bed at, you know, 8, 9 o'clock, I'm allowed to watch one show on Netflix not like a 4-hour movie and not like one full show, one episode. That's 43 to 45 minutes. 15 minutes of those commercial breaks is what I'm going to work on.

Love it. I love that.

And it's just one small space. And you always want to start somewhere like non-sentimental, like don't go through family photos first, right? Don't go through your kids' clothes first.

It's great advice.

I know.

And you know what I realized? See, I'm giving myself a pat on the back because I realized that I have been going space to space. I didn't know that I was doing that, but I did have a list like this room, this room, this. I, that's, that's, I'm not doing 15 minutes though. 15 minutes a day would pick up the pace. You know what I mean?

Well, we don't have time. Do you have time to spend all day organizing one space.

No.

And then, oh, we're back to that space, and I ain't got time for that. And that's what, that's what really started it for me. I love organizing. Like, my YouTube thing is like mental health, organizer, organizer, organizer, organizer, organizer, organizer, some random music, right? And so I love that, but I don't have time for that. I think it's great if you have all time to teach me how to organize, but when you're telling me at 8 o'clock I'm gonna do this and at 10 o'clock I'm gonna do that and Okay, well, from 7 to 5, I don't have those hours.

Yeah, that's hard. That's, that's— yes, agree.

Yeah. So that's, that's kind of where Hopeful Simplicity bloomed because I love your teachings and that's great, but I don't have all day like you. Congratulations. So that, that was kind of how that all came up of, okay, but how much time can I productively shift and make a priority in my schedule. And it was 15 minutes a day.

Perfect. Awesome advice. All of us can spare 15 minutes to organize. All of us. Yes. And get our countertops less cluttered, which is my goal. I'm gonna do it today.

What's, what's on your countertop? Okay.

So, um, on the table, on the kitchen table, is all the papers, school papers, mail, and they just keep throwing more on there. So when I go down there and I look at it, I cringe. And the cringing a lot of times makes me walk away.

Yeah, because it's overwhelming.

Yes, yes. So then I have tried baskets, okay? I have tried things, and I honestly just keep I keep failing.

Okay, now failing is just your first attempt in learning.

Yes, yes.

So it takes time and it takes a lot of kindness, Mom, but you're going to get a paper basket and you're going to put it— start it on the table. That's where everybody drops their shit. Babe, oh my gosh, thank you so much for emptying your folder. Can we try tomorrow to put it in the basket? Right. And it takes time and patience. It even takes ugly talk with myself. I'm like, the counter's right there. Now my son will go get the mail and put it in the paper basket.

Okay.

Because we're further on that journey, but it takes— you have to not be like, why can't you just—

you're right. You're right. Kindness.

Yeah.

Kindness.

Be like, so you have to find— I always encourage, find that good spot, even though like I've got my blinders on and don't understand why you just can't put it in the damn basket. You're like, oh my gosh, thank you for unloading that. Thank you for doing this. And then they'll be like, oh, she said thanks. What happens if I do this? Really get excited, right? Once you have your basket set up, you're going to schedule the first week. You're going to probably schedule 2 hours to go through it, and then every week at the same time, ideally-ish. Or at least on the same day, you're gonna go through that basket every single week. I go through mine on Sundays cuz I normally don't have my son on those days. And that's when I sort it into bills. I throw it in the trash, I shred it, I recycle it. I'm like, oh crap, there's that paper I was supposed to sign.

Yeah.

But at the same time, hey mom, have you seen my page? I don't know. Did you look in the paper basket? You know where it is.

Yeah.

You have one pile to go through instead of the whole countertop, the whole table.

The whole table.

Yeah. Everybody's got a paper pile. Everybody does.

I know, I know. And we don't have an office. I have a friend who has an office in her house, so all the papers go to the office. And I'm like, yeah, I don't have that.

I didn't in my last house, and I have one now, and I don't know how to handle it. So I'm like, what is this? I don't— what is this extra space?

Yeah. Yeah.

I work in the kitchen. I think in the kitchen.

Yeah, it's true. No, it's totally true. It's where I am all day. Can you tell us, what do you like best about Hopeful Simplicity? What do you like best about it?

Seeing the journey, right? You always find those people that are like, whatever, I've tried this. I can't, I'm messy. I'm lazy. No, you're not. No, you're gonna call me in a year. And so seeing that transition and then seeing how annoyed people are, we're like, damn it, you were right. You're welcome. That's my favorite part because I can physically— you can physically see people get lighter.

That's awesome.

And then you know that their whole home team is benefiting from that, right? So the next generation is going to benefit from that.

Oh, I love that.

I think that's great. And I'm a little snarky, so I'm like, yeah, challenge accepted. So I just, I love it. I love seeing the journey for somebody.

What about the flip side? What's the most challenging about it?

Hmm. I don't know.

Or most challenging about your life, even. It doesn't even have to be about your business.

Honey, I'm a mom.

That's all you need to say right there.

Like, for me, business is very— if, if you're calling me, I'm— we— words, words are hard. There's the, there's the biggest problem, right? Right.

No, it's true.

And before we set up a session, an organizing one-on-one session, virtually or in person, I require consultation. Because I need to know if you're ready to work.

Yeah.

Because I don't want to waste my time or yours. I'm happy to take your money, but if you're going to waste my time, it's not worth it. Right. I think, I think finding those people that are at the end of their bridge, that are convinced that they're lazy and messy, and then getting them to actually work is probably the biggest struggle. But I am hard on, you know what, I'm wishing you all the best, but I don't think this is the right time for us to work together.

Yeah. So it has to be a good fit.

It does. It does. I mean, it has to be a good fit. I don't want you to schedule 2 hours with me and then get pissed off in a week because that didn't work. That's not good for business, but that's not good for either of our souls. So that, that is the biggest struggle is to finding the right client willing to work.

I— can you just come into it for me?

Oh, I would. It's so funny. I— my mom's like, can't you just come fix my closet? And I did. It's like, of course, Mom, I'm happy to help. Do you want this? Yes or no? Come on, time's up. No, you too long. You don't get it anymore. Okay, listen up, you lost your time. Let's go.

Yes, I want that one.

Okay, yes, I want that one. And so like, I am hopefully snarky.

Yeah, right.

You are paying me by the hour. I like snacks, and when I go get one, let's get this done, kids.

Yes, that's totally that.

That's totally what I'd come to your house. Just be warned that it's like, come on, all right, you took too long.

Yeah, no, that's good though.

We need, we need that.

That's what we need.

Yeah, because you're gonna hold on to something and be like justifying why you're keeping it. And I always tell people, okay, great, you have your donation box, get it to the car because it's going to sit by the door.

Yes.

You're going to get tempted and then you're going to go through it and then you're going to convince yourself you need these things because you bought them and you spent the money. The money's already gone. But that's— get it out.

It's true. It's true because— and I try to do it when my children aren't home because if it's their stuff, oh Lord.

Now see, that's the whole— so I no longer do my son's.

Okay, right.

I haven't done his laundry in, well, 4 years, over 4 years.

Wow, that's awesome.

Because I was struggling, I was like, but I really like that shirt, it's really cute. So now we make it a game. We do that 15 minutes of, okay, let's put on a TV show or whatever and just go grab a bin from your box. So his closet is all just like totes, like lidless, the 15 by 15 lidless totes. Like, just go grab your shirts. All right, it's commercial break. How many can you get rid of? And so he's like, no, yes, no, yes. And so we make it a game, but then I'm taking myself out of the, oh, factor of it.

Yes. Yeah, excellent. I love that advice. Yeah, I'm gonna use that. What's wrong with me? Okay, so you've got full-time work, a business, motherhood. Okay, tell the mothers listening, how are you balancing it all? Because that feels like a lot to me.

Naps and wine.

Yeah, that's legit.

So I We have an odd schedule. Like I don't have my son every other week and I have my son every day but Sundays.

Okay.

So I drop him off at Sunday. I'm allowed to sit down and watch one episode, eat my lunch, do my paper basket. And that's it. Come such and such time, I'm done working. I am very not good and good at restricting my schedule. Thursdays, I don't work outside of work. I do my 9 to 5 and I sit down. All right, buddy, what are we watching tonight? Now the voices, the voices in your head going, you can be productive, you can get this done, you should be doing this, right? You have all this, you run your own business, get to work. But when you're, when your child tells you, Mommy, I know you're doing this, this, and this, but I feel like I don't see you anymore.

Yeah, I know.

So, so finding that balance is priority.

I like you're finding about, you're setting boundaries that we all need to learn.

Yeah. Yeah.

I love it.

And I know for me, I know I am an energetic, productive person. Right. And I, and I get into go mode, like, hey, how can I grow hopeful? Hey, how can I do this? Hey, what can we reorganize today? Because it's fun. And I don't sit down. And I know setting the boundaries and priorities for self, that's all that matters. Like, that's where it is.

Love it. Love it. And I love that you call your people your hopefuls. That's just like what it— like, it's the best word ever. I just love that word. Tell us the best advice that you've ever gotten.

Probably, probably within the last handful of years, the best advice is their opinion is none of your business.

Yes.

And that was, that was hard for me because I grew up in the generation of It's my job to make them happy, right? You know, be the good girl, make your mom and dad proud, make your parents happy, make your partner happy, make sure everything's taken care of, be the best mom, be the best. I'm like, no, your opinion doesn't matter. If I'm unpeaceful inside for your happiness, that's a problem. So that's probably the best advice. I, I don't even know if I heard it in a book or read it in a book or heard it. I don't even know.

That's good advice. We all need to take that advice. And as you're describing the good girl, I didn't realize that that is how we were raised. Be the good girl.

Yeah. Yes.

Yep. So true. Tell everyone one action step that they can take today to get better organized.

Make a paper basket.

Yes. I'm gonna go do it.

That is where I tell everybody to start. Make a paper basket and schedule that time to go through it. Don't just have it in a basket and be like, yeah, I did it. No, schedule your time to go through it. I love it.

I love it. What else do you want to share that I didn't think to ask you?

I always, I always remind people that I honestly, truthfully do not believe that anybody is lazy, and I don't believe that anyone is messy. I just feel like they haven't found their style for success.

Yes, it's so true. And, and we just need to keep trying. What did you say failure is? First attempt at learning.

And learning. Yep.

Yes, yes. Okay, tell everyone where to go find you.

All of my contact information is on our website at hopefulsimplicity.com, but we're on, we're on all the socials but Twitter. So Instagram, and we have a great Facebook group. It's a private group that we share. Like, I run my challenges through there.

I love it.

Our testimonials and our— every day I try to go in there, but I also try to keep it light and fun and be like, that's cool, but let's try this. So yeah.

Well, and before I let you go, I told you I love the name. Where did you get the name?

Um, my— when I actually started, I started as a product line. And it was hoping for homemade, right? Because I was hoping that we lived a less chemical lifestyle. I was hoping that we had less stress in the stuff that we touched and used every day. And over time it became, this is so much more than product. This, this is a lifestyle that consumes more than just what we buy, but how we manage it and our justification for buying and not buying and how we're storing it. And so I wanted to keep hope in there because, well, because Hopefuls. But I feel like it's, it's, it's inspiring. No, hope doesn't, hope doesn't do anything, but it reminds you to take action. And simplicity is just, it's easy. I mean, it's easy. 15 minutes a day and in a year you're going to be less stressed.

Well, I think your name is awesome. I think you're awesome. And I want to thank you so much for spending time with me today.

Thanks for having me.

This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving, and stay hopeful, and go find Melissa.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, Leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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