The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene Episode 029 The Blended Families

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza. Have some wine and join us on the whiny palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the whiny palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone. This is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast. I am so happy to welcome Melissa Brown to my podcast today. Welcome, Melissa.

Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.

Melissa is an entrepreneur who runs several businesses. For over 14 years, she has run a successful cleaning company along with her husband. They also have a business in the finance industry where they train and develop financial advisors, as well as educate people about how money works so that they can achieve true financial freedom. Additionally, she She hosts the Blended Family Podcast, a weekly show about the many challenges and struggles today's blended families face. Having a blended family of her own for well over 10 years, she is now using her experiences to help others. She lives with her husband, their 4 children, her mother-in-law, and 2 English bulldogs in the state of Florida. That is— you are quite the woman with lots going on in your life. You are a busy lady.

I am, I am. But you know what? I learned this year that I need to do more self-care and rest because I got sick from doing too much. So I don't recommend doing all the things. I'm trying to get rid of some of the things. But yeah, I'm very happy to be busy and I'm very lucky and blessed.

Yes, you are. And you're also very blessed to live in Florida.

Yeah, you know, right now my husband would disagree because he hates the heat, but Right now we feel very blessed to be in Florida, especially looking at the landscape of everything that's going on across the world and the country. Florida has been open pretty much the entire time. We closed down in March, but other than that, we're open and, you know, we're masking, but other than that, we're living life, which is nice.

That is amazing because I'm in Buffalo, New York, and it's a completely different story. And I'm very happy to hear that the restaurants just won a lawsuit and were able to open. So that's some good news in Buffalo.

Yeah. Yeah, what a mess.

What a mess, but sunny Florida sounds good because it's dreary and gray and snowy.

Yeah, my family all live in New York, so I know it's, it's tough up there.

Well, and I want to tell you that I've been enjoying your podcast, and one of the things I love most about you, you know, in this crazy world of parenting that mothers are always rushing around and always busy, and you have the most calming voice and I turn you on and I find myself just relaxing listening to you. So I wanted to tell you that.

Thank you so much. People have told me that. I don't— I hate the sound of my voice, but I think most people say that about themselves. So thank you so much for the compliment.

That's so funny that you don't like your voice and I'm like in love with your voice.

Oh, thank you.

So I want to jump in and I want to ask you what inspired you to get started helping blended families?

Yeah, so I had a blended family of my own for about 7 years when I decided, and at that time there just weren't a lot of resources out there for us. And yeah, and I remember, you know, we went through a lot of struggles, especially the first 7 years of our relationship. They always say it takes 7 years to really get things meshed well, and I would agree with that. And so it was very difficult for us, and I always, you know, felt I want to help people in my life and what can I do to help more people? And it just came to me one day I was working and I was like, I should just start a podcast because there really weren't any at that time for blended families. Now there are more, but at that time there weren't any. So I was like, I'll just do it thinking, of course, it's going to be the easiest thing. And it was a lot harder than I imagined. Yeah, I'm very happy. It's been about 6 years now that I'm doing it. Wow. And I didn't think that I was going to do it for that long. I had the fear of running out of topic ideas and things, but here I am. I'm still doing it and I love to do it. I love to help people. Yeah.

Well, you're doing a fabulous job and I know that you're helping so many families.

Thank you.

So you have said so many meaningful statements. I was listening to them and I was like, oh my God, yes, yes, I gotta write that down. I gotta write that down. Okay. So one of the things that you said is that problems aren't bad. I totally agree with you. Can you explain the statement to us?

Yeah, of course. You know, I'm a believer that the challenges in our life are there to help us grow and stretch. Even the really uncomfortable ones. And so to me, problems are good because every time I've had a problem or difficulty in my life, at the outcome of it, I've grown some and I've learned some things. And so to me, you know, there really are no problems. There are just, you know, challenges and we have to find solutions for them and stretch and grow. And that's what I teach my kids too. And yeah, problems can bring stress, but it's okay because that's how we figure out and pivot around and figure out what works and what doesn't. And so, um, I always welcome a challenge, you know, it's, it's always a good way to see what you're capable of.

That's such a good outlook. I'm gonna take that with me. I'm gonna take that away from this interview today. Another super important lesson that you teach is that no arguments is not a good thing. And when I explained that to my husband years ago, he was so perplexed by this. Can you explain this to everyone?

Yeah. And let me say, I, I don't like conflict. I'm not a person that likes arguments. At all. I won't really argue with people, but I know a lot of people do have arguments and it's just really disagreements. And I always feel like if there are no disagreements in a relationship, then somebody is not being honest because we can't always think and feel the same way as our partner, as our kids. And so that's fine if there's an argument, but I always say arguments should be conversations and communication and we don't have to get volatile with one another. But it's a great way to work through your challenges so you can kind of come to compromise. Because if you're not honest about what's challenging you, then you can't really work through those things.

That is really smart that if there are no arguments, then someone is not being honest. That is so true. And I think that a lot of us sometimes stuff things because we don't— sometimes I don't have the strength to even discuss something. So I think even if I can make a note to myself to talk to my husband or my kid another time when I feel stronger.

Well, you know, a lot of us too are people pleasers. I, I am getting over that now, but I was a big people pleaser, and so I would never want to rock the boat. I would never want to say anything that was going to offend somebody. But a lot of times I was stuffing too. I was stuffing things way down, and you can't do that because then ultimately you're going to be resentful or bitter. So you've got to get it out.

And so, yes, all such excellent advice. Thank you so much. Can you tell us some common rules to live by in a blended family?

You have so many good ones. You have good ones. There are lots of rules. So let's see. I mean, I could go on and on, but communication, obviously. I mean, I just said that you've got to communicate about the things that are bothering you or troubling you always. Another huge one is not to put the kids in the middle. That happens all the time in blended families, especially between exes, because they won't want to speak directly to one another, so they use the kids as a go-between. "Hey, can you give mom or dad a message?" And then the message gets misconstrued and then arguments start. And so never ever use the kids as a pawn or as a messenger.

Excellent point.

That's a really huge one. Another one is treat the kids very fairly in your own home. I know that it's impossible sometimes to make sure that it's fair in the other house to your house. In your own home with your bio kids and your stepkids to try to keep things even keel. I think that is super, super important. So those are some of the top 3 things. And I guess when it comes to exes, one of the other rules, I guess you could say, is that we can't control what our exes do. We can't control what anybody does really. But when it comes to our exes, because I know that's, that's a big conflict for a lot of people, you can't control it. So the only thing you can control is your reaction to them. And, you know, they're not going to argue with somebody who's being calm. And so I always like to tell people that as well. So those are some pretty standard rules.

Excellent advice. I'm just finishing the book Shalom in the Home, which is such a great book, and he talks so much about blended families. And he gave the example of this father who, when he comes home from work, he runs to his own son and greets him and hugs him and loves him and ignores the son in the bedroom next door who's not his biological son. And he wasn't even seeing that he was treating them so differently. So he worked with the family and he really changed things. But it's interesting that sometimes you don't even see what you're doing.

Absolutely. That's a great point. Yeah.

So can you tell everyone what you feel— what is the best way to communicate with your ex?

Well, that's a loaded question. It really depends, right, on the relationship that you have. And so I would say if you have a contentious relationship, if every time you try to talk to your ex, it spirals into an argument, then I would say don't speak to your ex. Then I would say correspond through texts and emails and things like that. And there's a lot of co-parenting apps now that are great for communication so you don't have to do the face-to-face. If you can speak face-to-face and things are okay, I would still try to keep it as a business relationship. You know, make it strictly about the kids and the things that are important, not bring up problems or bring up issues of the past if you can help it. I would always say treat it as a business relationship. Now, some people say, well, hey, I'm best friends with my ex and that's not a problem for me. And if you say that, I say good for you. That's amazing because not everybody has that. And if you can cultivate a great relationship like that with your ex where you can communicate about things, that's wonderful. But I still say be careful about how much you share because there's times in life where it ebbs and flows, right? You could think everything's great for a while with your ex and then something happens and triggers somebody and then there's an argument and people aren't speaking again. And so information that you may have told them could be brought back to use against you. And so I always say just be very careful with communication, be very forward and honest and matter of fact. Don't play head games. It's not helpful. I know that it's hard. And the best thing, the other best way to communicate is as calmly as you can, because when one person gets riled up, it instantly triggers the other person because it's all about energy. And so the energy that you put forth is the energy that you're going to get back. And so if you want a better relationship with your ex, then maybe you have to be the one to make those first initial steps of calmness and working together for them to follow suit.

That is excellent advice. And it is amazing to me the apps that are developing out there. I mean, there's even an app to communicate to your— with your ex. That is just— that's— my mind is blown right now.

Yeah. Well, you know, people have had to do this because what would happen is there was so much miscommunication going back and forth, and then lawyers would need to get involved and people weren't documenting things. And then it's a fight over he said, she said, and then the kids get brought into the middle. And so one of the apps that I promote on my podcast is F.A.Y.R., F-A-Y-R, but there's loads of different ones. And it really has everything in there. It's got the calendar of the custody sharing. It's got holidays. It's got where you could put receipts, where you could share photos. You can share all kinds of things. And this one even does like geotagging, location tagging. So for instance, if you say you have to go pick up the kids somewhere, you can mark on the map that you were there at such and such a time. It will GPS you so you have proof. Yeah, it's, it's really incredible, and it does eliminate a lot of arguments, especially when it comes to the courts and things.

That is an excellent app, and I'm so glad that that tool is available for people. I love it. You have touched on not putting kids in the middle. You've touched on that. How do people avoid doing that?

It's so hard. It's very hard because people just do it naturally and they don't even think anything of it. You know, like, like asking to deliver a message seems very, very innocent, but I've seen it much, much worse. We have cases of parental alienation and that's where you see this to an extreme where parents are actually trying to turn the kids away from the other parent by sharing all kinds of information. A lot of it is misinformation. And so This is a very big problem. And the ones that suffer the most here obviously are the kids. This is traumatizing for them. They don't want to hear things about their other parent. They don't want to know that the other parent is doing something wrong. And we really have to remember this as parents because, you know, we've all been there. It's very easy when we get mad at our ex to let something fly out of our mouth, but we really have to remember that those little ears are listening and it's hurtful to them and they don't understand. And they're trying to put meaning on the stuff that they're hearing when they don't really understand the context of everything that you've been through. And so, you know, I would say the most important thing you can do is not get the kids involved in your affairs at all. They don't need to know. And always be age-appropriate with your kids too. That's another thing, you know, we try to tell kids bad things about our ex when they're too young to even understand what it means. So it's very, very damaging.

Excellent advice. All excellent advice. It's not easy to do, but it's so important to do.

Yes, yes. It's simple, but not easy.

Exactly. You talk a lot about the importance of staying calm in a conflict.

Yeah.

How are you able to do this? Shed light for all of us.

You know what? This is like this weird thing about me. I'm considered an earth type and Eastern practitioner, which, you know, makes me a very calm, nurturing person by nature and very grounded. So You know, it's easy for me to give that advice. And I noticed that it's not always easy for people to sit into it. You know, it's just one of my strong points. I have many weak points. That's just one of my strong points. But you know, the easiest way to stay calm is just sometimes just taking a few deep breaths. You know, when you feel that heat rising in you and you feel triggered by something that somebody does, just kind of like ground yourself for a minute and take 3 deep breaths, you know, in through your nose and out through your mouth before you react. And I always say this, The emotion of anger, the physical reaction, I should say, of anger only lasts for 30 seconds in your body. That's it. But after that 30 seconds, that's when the emotions kick in and you can keep that anger going, right? Because we tell ourselves, I'm so mad, I'm so mad. And we, we can keep that going. But really the physical, the adrenals and everything, that's gone in 30 seconds. So it's up to us to let it go. And staying calm is really for us, not for the other person. It's for the other person too, right? Because if we don't stay calm, they're going to get riled up. But For us, you know, staying calm is a piece that we can give ourselves. No matter what is going on around us, if you can keep that peace and center in yourself, you can pretty much deal with any situation that's going on around you. And I know that it's not easy. It takes a lot of practice. See this little crystal I'm holding? This is a crystal that I hold and it just— and not everybody believes in crystals, but my crystals, you know, keep— that's what I use to keep me calm. You know, so everybody has—

I love that.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I wear them. I've got them on my wrist. Oh, wow. I've got bracelets. Yeah, so I like crystals, but you know, some people like aromatherapy to keep them calm. Some people like meditation. Whatever you need to do to bring calmness to yourself and realize that if I get triggered and I lose my cool here, whatever conflict is having here is now going to get dragged on longer than if I just think clearly. And even if you need to walk away, for a moment before you react, that could be the most helpful thing that you can do.

I find that conflict with anyone— your husband, your child, a friend— if we can keep ourselves calm, it's like the key to success just in life in general, in conflict.

Yeah, yeah, totally, totally.

Yes. And I love the crystal idea. You know, you're reminding me, I bought myself I had a cat named Hope who I was in love with, and I bought myself a stone that says Hope. And you're reminding me that I'm supposed to be putting it in my pocket and rubbing it to help myself stay calm. So I'm going to go take the stone out of my coat and bring it with me where I go. So I appreciate that reminder.

Good.

I would love to know what is your biggest, your own biggest challenge right now?

Well, I would definitely say raising teenagers is pretty challenging. That's been, that's been the ongoing challenge for the last few years, I would say. And actually right now, this has been a good year. I know it hasn't been a good year for many people because of COVID but for me personally, because my kids are a little bit more isolated right now, I don't have to worry about as much trouble that they can get into or driving and things like that.

Good point.

It's really scary, you know, having teenagers. And also trying to help them cope with the current situation in life right now, helping get them through it. So I would say those are the challenges right now, but we're kind of at a sweet spot right now, I feel. Our kids are 21, 20, 17, and 17. And so they're becoming so much more independent. And, you know, that feels real. I'm like, I can't believe we did it. You know, we got here. Like there was a point—

That's a good feeling.

Yeah. There was a point that I thought, you know, the beginning, I was like, we're never going to get there. Like, this is so hard. And so to be here now, just feels incredible.

Well, and you touched on such an important point because our kids are struggling right now, and I think it ebbs and flows this year over these past 10 months on, are my kids doing well, are my kids not doing well? So when they're struggling, I would love to hear if you have any pointers for people to help them.

Yeah, this is a really hard time. Um, the main thing that I would say, you know, with kids right now is you need to be communicating with them a lot. Because most of what kids are learning and seeing is all on TikTok and online and on social media. And we don't know the information that's kind of— some of it is accurate and some of it is not. And there's a lot of violence in our kids' world. In fact, I just had a conversation with my daughter last night and she's 17. And she said, you know, mom, she doesn't like her generation. She doesn't like what they stand for. But She was telling me that it's just nobody thinks anything about the violence, like it doesn't affect them. If I was to turn on the TV and see somebody get shot, it would kill me inside. They can see that and not be as affected, and that was very disturbing to hear that come out of her mouth last night. And I've heard it from other kids too, and so that tells me that they're being exposed to a lot, and there's also a lot of mind control and things that they're being exposed to in movies and music and things like this. And so to counteract that you've got to be a very open parent.

Mm-hmm.

You have to communicate a lot. You have to be involved in their life. And it's hard when, especially as they get older, they just want to lock themselves in their room. But you kind of have to be on top of them, and you have to see what's going on in their life and make sure that they don't feel isolated. There's some kids that feel very isolated right now. You know, we're lucky because we have family and everyone's around. But there are households where, you know, kids are abused, and now they're home more, and they're not able to escape that. Or they don't have food. There's a lot going on. And so, you know, I pray a lot for, for all the kids in the world that maybe don't have the greatest household situation. But yeah, helping your kids through is just making sure you're there for them and talking to them and asking them what's on their minds during this time, I think.

Excellent advice. Yes. Yes, it ebbs and flows. Sometimes my kids seem to be doing great. My kids are 13, 11, and 8.

So a little younger, a little younger.

So sometimes they seem like they're plugging along and doing great. And sometimes you can just really tell that they're having a hard day or a hard time. And I, yeah, I'm just trying to be as present and helpful as I can. It's not easy.

Exactly. Be present and remind them that this is temporary. I know it feels like forever.

It's a good reminder.

Yeah.

This is temporary. This is not always gonna be here and try to get them to visualize the future and with the way that they want the world to be. Yeah.

Oh, I love that. That's excellent. What is the best advice you have ever gotten? And before you answer me, I want to tell you one of my favorite things that you said, some excellent Melissa advice. When you look at things differently, the things we look at change. And I want everyone to know how important that advice is.

Yeah. So actually that, that came from, I think, Wayne Dyer. That was one of the things that he said. But I am a perspective shifter. I talk about perspective all the time because not everybody can do this, but I'm just able to look at a situation from somebody else's shoes. And it's as simple as that. It's just, here I am having this conflict with this person, but what does that person feel like right now? Instead of just being selfish and I'm so mad right now. Well, what's the other person going through? And I'll give you an example of that just to kind of help people understand. Let's say we're dealing with an ex-wife and let's say she's very toxic and jealous. And that's just in a lot of blended families, right? And so you might say, oh, I can't stand the bio mom. She's such a B and whatever else we want to say. And we're angry. But did we ever stop and think that her jealousy might just be coming from fear because she's so scared of letting go of the control or she's so scared that another woman is going to become close to her kids and she's going to lose that relationship? Like—

So hard.

it is so hard because we don't want to look at the person being vulnerable because they're being mean. And so we just want to be angry. But if we can stop and just look at the inner child of somebody, everyone has this inner child and it's always, you know, it's fear, it's worry, it's some negative emotion that motivates us in life. And so if we can look at that and figure out where is that person coming from, I think it makes all the difference in the world. Sometimes it doesn't completely shift the relationship, but it can really help you to understand where somebody is coming from. And you can do that with your stepkids, right? Maybe you have a stepchild that's just not being warm and being really mean to a stepparent. And you say, what is this kid's problem? But maybe the child is also afraid of getting too close to the stepparent because maybe they're afraid that that's another person that's gonna leave their life. You know, so there's things that we can look at here. Yeah, so perspective shifting is probably the most important skillset I think that anyone can have.

I love that. You brought up something that made me think of the bond, and when you're entering into a new blended family, it probably takes a while. I don't know from experience, that's why I'm asking you. It probably takes a while for everyone to bond.

Yes.

Can you talk about, you know, what can people expect? What's the length of time? Is there a way that you should or shouldn't be feeling? I mean, I think some people just expect an instant bond. Unrealistic?

It's a great, great question. Thank you for asking that. Yeah, most people think they're so excited to get into this new blended family that they think everything's going to be wonderful, and sometimes it really is at the very beginning. But then when people move in together, that's when you really learn about people. And I think that there's no magic number because every family is different. And I think what really matters too is the age of the kids. That has—

that plays a big all.

If you have little kids, it's going to be much easier for them to bond to a stepparent and understand the new transition and rules and structure of a home. But if you have teenagers, they're going to be much more resistant to that. So it really depends. But earlier I said 7 years, and that really is kind of this magic number that many people say it kind of takes. That doesn't mean you're going to have a horrible first 7 years. What it means is that after about 7 years, the family feels more structured together, more like one unit, and the bonding has happened much more easily, and everything kind of falls into place around that time. But it could be much sooner, and some— for some people it's later. So it really depends. And, you know, you have to put in the work, right? So it's not going to just— the family's not going to just bond on its own. You're going to be dealing with a lot of emotions And if you don't handle those things, if you sweep them under the rug, then you're never going to get to the good stuff. And so that's why I say you've got to put in the work. And sometimes it's uncomfortable. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes you have to move through difficult conversations, but when you do that, the bonding will happen and it'll happen much quicker and much more smoothly. But also keeping in mind that people have this pressure on them that if we don't have that bonding, then this isn't a successful blended family. And that's just not true. Not every family is going to look like maybe the dream blended family. And that's okay. You know, everyone has these expectations. And I would tell everybody, just throw away your expectations because we don't know what tomorrow brings. You just have to be in the present moment and be the best you can be with your family and try and put in the work and put in the time and the communication. And, and it's a give and take. And hopefully, you know, you'll get there, but it requires to be self-aware, I think, as a parent too. That's really important.

Well, and it's interesting because just in general in life, we can't compare ourselves to other people. So one family might look different than another family, and it doesn't make one family better, right? And one, you know, one family might have bonded quickly, and one family might take 7 years. So it sounds like Lower expectations, patience, hard work.

And also like, don't take things too seriously. I spent the first probably, I don't know, 10 years of our relationship taking things so seriously. And I regret that now. I'm like, I was so just, just a bundle of nerves. And you know, that, that was not helpful for anybody in the family or any of our growth. I think we would have grown quicker had I not been so uptight about things, but again, the uptight tightness comes from the expectations of thinking that everything has to be perfect and good, and it doesn't. It doesn't.

Yes, I think that this year learning to lower my expectations of myself has helped me the most.

Yeah, I did that too this year. That was a big learning lesson for me to stop pushing myself so hard, and it's beautiful now. Now I know how to calm down, and it's just— it's amazing. That was a big lesson.

So let's talk about that for a minute because you have your podcast, you have your children, you have your husband, you have your— is it your mother-in-law?

Yes.

So, so much going on. So you had touched on the fact that you got ill and really had to look at your life and re-examine things. So can you talk about that with us?

Yeah, I am a people pleaser and I'm a workaholic. Um, I would say that I'm recovering from that now and I'm much better, but that's how I spent the majority of my life. And so I would push myself so hard. And so I had the cleaning business for many years and then we started the podcast. And then after I did that for a while, I was like, okay, I'm gonna start this financial thing. And I, it was always something else that I had to do. And what happened was, you know, I wasn't taking care of myself. I stopped eating well, I stopped exercising. I stopped doing anything that I enjoyed. I stopped reading a book. I stopped just doing anything for myself. And what happened was, you know, anytime we do that and we let our self-care go, it will manifest as a physical problem. And so it didn't catch up to me right away, but after about 2 years of doing that, I started to have a lot of pain in my body. Make a long story short, we still can't fully figure out what it is, but the whole right side of my body is just a mess. And I've had surgery. The surgery did not correct the problem. They thought it was some endometriosis, which there was, but that wasn't all of it. And so now we're looking into my hip and my neck and a new diet that's really changed my life, which is a whole separate conversation. But I would say that, you know, this was the— if you don't take care of yourself, the universe will force you to take care of yourself. And that's what happened to me. I got put out And during that time, I had to, I had no choice. I had to put the podcast on hold a little bit. I had to stop the financial stuff for a little while and I had to take care of me. And during that time, I really learned the benefit of that because, you know, I'm working my way back to health. The health doesn't just come right back. And that's why it's a warning to everybody. Don't do what I did. You don't have to be, I was trying to be superwoman. I was trying to be everything. And I don't know why. It didn't get me very far. So now that I've learned to enjoy time with my children, I've learned to enjoy time resting, and I know now if I can't push myself, if I'm tired, I'll just stop. I'll stop and I'll say, I'll finish my work tomorrow. Whereas before, I would push myself till midnight just to get things done, and I won't do that anymore. And my kids, I will say this, my kids are the most appreciative of this because they see huge changes in me this year. And they're like, wow, mom is, mom is sitting down resting with us. I regret that. I feel, and I guess I shouldn't regret anything, but I feel that a lot of time was taken from my kids because of my pushing to do so much instead of just being okay to just be. Does that make sense?

Yes, yes. I made goals for myself this year. I'm always making goals. Yeah. And it's just You know, number 1 for me is to be more and do less. And I think that we just spread ourselves so thin. And I used to think that my eyes opened and I had to do stuff all day until my eyes closed, until I got into bed. Yes. And it's so unrealistic. We aren't, you know, we aren't just doers, we're beings. And you bring up so many points. I mean, I think this is a lesson so many people are learning about themselves, and I appreciate you sharing your story because because you're inspiring me to slow down more. I think that I do push myself too much. I think we all do. I think most of us do.

Especially moms, you know, we, we just, we put a lot of pressure and we feel like we have to be all to everybody and do everything and be this perfect woman and wife and mom. And it's so damaging to us. And I think that this is the year that we all need to learn. I think we, many of us have, right? Because That time at home really taught us that we don't need to be doing so much, and somehow the stuff still gets done when it needs to get done, and the problems are handled when they need to be handled. The more I stress over it doesn't take care of it better. So if I can be calm, things just seem to handle themselves. You know, you're in flow more.

Yes, flow, flow, flow.

Word of the year, flow.

I, I told my husband that I gave him his word of the year. I told him his word and I told him what my word is. So my word for the year is calm.

Okay.

My goal is to be calm, always my goal. His goal is to be more flexible. I told him his word is flexible, my word is calm. But I like flow, I'm going to use that. That's a great word. What else would you like to share that I didn't think to ask you?

My goodness, you've asked me so much and I have shared a lot. And so I think we— I can't think of anything else to share. I mean, I think we've covered it all. Do you have any more questions for me?

No, I mean, I just appreciate all your wisdom. This was so much fun. I had such a great time talking to you. Me too. Can you tell everyone where to go to find you?

Yeah, definitely. So I am over at theblendedfamilypodcast.com. You can get all my stuff through there. I do want to redo the site. I'm going to redo it soon, but I also I also have a Facebook group. I will say that my Facebook group is probably one of the least judgmental Facebook groups out there because I make it so.

Wonderful.

And we are looking for a new platform because there's some stuff going on with Facebook. But for now, blendedfamilypodcast.com/facebook— or I'm sorry, slash group. You can find all of these links and I'll send them to you as well for your show notes, but you can find them all through the website. I also do coaching. Through there, you can schedule some time with me as well as free financial coaching. So that is free because we think it's very important that people get financial education these days. And so we also do that.

Wonderful. So many good resources. Thank you so very much. This was so fun. So much fun.

Thank you so much for having me on. I really had a great time.

This is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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