The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene Episode 056 It’s My Birthday!

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and this episode is airing on June 25th for my birthday. So I decided that today is going to be all things Rebecca. And instead of interviewing someone, I literally told my husband 5 seconds ago that he was going to ask me questions. So he's amazing. He's like the best podcaster ever. So I know he's up for the challenge. So let's see what he comes up with in this All Things Rebecca episode.

All right, so no pressure. First of all, happy birthday since this is airing on your birthday.

Thank you, honey.

What are you excited most about the next year of your life?

Man, you're gonna make me think. That's the only issue with you, right?

You did ask me. This is all your fault.

Um, we've been talking about so many things. I'm gonna start with the fact that I'm really excited about where you and I have brought Winey Palooza over the last year, and I'm really excited for what's to come ahead because as you know, I'm working on my second Winey Palooza book. I'm excited for the podcast. I'm loving the podcast, so continuing that. Um, there was other stuff that I lost. Hold on, what was the other stuff I was excited about? I'm excited about our children, of course. They do so many amazing things, and I love watching what they do, including Lily's dance recital today. That was amazing. Um, I, I'm just excited for my kids to grow another year and see what talents evolve and my talents evolving, your talents evolving, and No pressure, but we are discussing possibly a pool and a hot tub. So that really excites me.

But yes, I would agree with all of that. You have, for our entire relationship, told me that you are a baby person and you absolutely love baby, baby, baby, babies. It's amazing to see you excited about your teenager, tweenager, and tween wannabe. So what do you think is responsible for kind of that shift? Because you used to more— every time they got older, I would get excited, and you would be mourning that they've got older and that they weren't babies anymore. So talk about that shift.

Well, first of all, you can't swear on my podcast.

Did I just— okay, I apologize. I didn't even realize. I just—

okay, it's totally okay. No big deal. I'm seriously joking. I'm gonna try not to get too emotional when I give you the answer to this question. I'm gonna start with a friend of mine called me on, I don't know, was it Max's 10th birthday? And she knew I was going to be crying because my baby was entering the double digits, and you know how emotional I used to get on every birthday, and really shifted me because she said, this is what's supposed to happen. And she's like, the alternative is horrendous. And some people don't get to celebrate their kids' birthday. She kind of woke me up out of this birthday fog that I was having every year, because I was upset. I was getting older. I was upset my kids were getting older. And now my 45th birthday is Friday. And I'm celebrating every time we have a birthday. It's a privilege. And I've totally changed my mindset.

What do you think makes you the happiest?

My family. I mean, you gave me you, you gave me our 3 kids, you gave me our 3 pets. Um, Spending time with my family. You said, what do you want to do on your birthday? And I said, as long as there's a family adventure involved, I'm a happy woman.

As someone who has told me many, many times about your need for certainty and stability, you also have the contrasting need for variety at a level that surprises sometimes even me. Where, where do you think your need for variety and your definition of family adventure comes from? Because on the On the one hand, you will say, oh my, I would never jump out of an airplane. I don't want to go climb a mountain, things that other people might define as adventure, whereas Griffith Sculpture Park might be your ideal adventure. Where do you think that desire for the Rebecca definition of adventure comes from?

One of the things that I love most about my birthday is that it's the beginning of summer. And as you know, I absolutely love summer. It's my favorite time of year. I love being outside, so anything that I can come up with outside is fulfilling my need of enjoying summer. So put doing something outside with spending time with my family, put it together and come up with something to do together outside. And those are like two of my greatest loves.

What you talk about family a lot. It is a large priority for you, probably the biggest one. What does family mean to you?

Oh geez, they're like the reason for my existence. Um, I am not your average person when it comes to this. Everybody loves their family. I will tell you that I was longing for, you know, a husband and kids at a very, very young age. In fact, I wanted to be a mother as young as I can remember and couldn't wait to fulfill that role. And it's really all I ever aspired to. Did I want to be a teacher? Yes, for a long time. Did I want to be a social worker? Yes, and still do. But becoming a wife and mother, that was like all that I ever wanted, and it's everything and more that I expected. It's love and stability and recreation, and I mean every single need is met by my family.

You mentioned yourself at a younger age. Let's go back in time a little bit. What is your favorite color and why?

Oh honey, you're so sweet. Um, my favorite color is pink, and the reason why is because it makes me think of love. And love is my favorite word, and pink is my favorite color.

Now, you said you wanted to be a mother from a very young age. Where do you think that desire came from?

I had, you know, Ella doesn't have it. Um, Ella doesn't have the, oh my God, there's a baby, give me the baby. Lily has it. So Lily is, um, giving you a little inside view of me. Um, younger than Lily. Lily's 8. I would say even 3 years old when my brother was born, it was like, give me the baby, give me the baby. I always wanted the babies. I'll hold the babies. I wanted to babysit. I wanted to take care of them. Um, it was just in me. I was just totally, um, if there was a baby, I was there. Get out of my way and give me the baby.

I'll keep that in mind. Don't get between you and a baby. What are some of your favorite early childhood memories?

Oh my goodness. I, I, my parents gave me such a good childhood. You know, my dad had his own pharmacy and my mother had her health food store in front of the pharmacy and they both worked. They were both successful. They both provided so well for us. I would say some of my most vivid memories, so you're going to understand me a little bit more, is all of the pool parties. My parents put in a beautiful pool and slide and diving board, and my friends and I spent hours and hours in that pool. Um, trying to, you know, cheerleading memories from high school, dance recital memories from middle school, um, oh, softball and softball games and lots of gymnastics in elementary school. So many, so many good memories.

What do you think were some of the most important events of your childhood that kind of helped shape you into the mother you are today?

Oh geez. Well, I, I was parented by super mom, the Energizer Bunny, right? That's what we call her. She, I mean, she, she is, she is the reason that I am who I am. I modeled her mothering mostly. Reacted against a lot of it, reacted against her saying no all the time, hated that. But, you know, always there for me, kind, giving, hardworking, came home from school to her every day. Um, you know, and I also had the privilege of lots of training. I went to college for psychology, I went to graduate for social work. I got to work with families every day in my work and see what kind of mother I did and didn't want to be. And in training parents and helping them and coaching them and doing therapy with them, it really prepared me for motherhood more, more than I ever could have imagined. It was like a prep course.

What were some of the biggest lessons you learned as a social worker that helped shape your mother, your parenting now?

You know, these mothers would tell me how exhausted they were. We've talked about that. It was always— so I would come in, this young 20-something-year-old with so much energy. I had, you know, no kids. Come on, I'll do this with you all night. And I would walk in and I would be full of energy and I'd be like, come on, I'm here. I'm going to support you. We're going to do this. I'm here for you, and would know exactly what they needed to do. And they would be like, but I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I can't, I can't do one more thing. And they would get up and do it. I saw so many exhausted mothers parenting their kids, and I saw how much mothers do And I think that they gave me so much of my strength because I saw what they could do even without a partner. Lots and lots of single mothers. And I was like, if they could do this by themselves, I can do this with Seth.

What do you like best about being a mother?

Where did that question come from?

Where do they all come from?

Oh my gosh. Um, The love, the love that they give me and the love that I give them. And that's number one, but also just the way that they inspire me to be a better person every single day.

You talk about mom being the Energizer Bunny, but your dad has an amazing work ethic as well. How did he inspire you?

He's so smart. I'm laughing because I've told you this before. He would drop me off at school and he would say, "Now, Rebecca, school is for learning. It is not for socializing." And I would be like, "Dad, you know I don't agree with you." And he, you know, Max reminds me of him. Like, he's like the no-nonsense, like if he was at school, he was at school to learn. And I mean, his brain, he's just, he's so intelligent. And I think that he taught me so many things. One of the things is to stay calm and cool in a crisis. One of the things is to find out if you don't know something. And, um, I don't know, he was always like the steady hand. Like I could always go to him. He was always calm. He always had an answer for me. If I was upset, he always calmed me down. So definitely showed me how to do all of that stuff.

Over the years, through the children's schooling, you have volunteered for a tremendous amount. Why is that important to you?

That is such a good question that I have thought about because Ella asked me the same question. You know, it fulfills so many needs. When I started at preschool and I started at elementary school, I didn't know a lot of the mothers, and getting involved, you, you make connections, you meet people, the teachers get to know you, the administrators get to know you, the parents get to know you, and the kids get to know you. So it was like, not only was it giving me friendships, but I was also like giving of myself. So you're feeling good about yourself because you're giving your time and you're making friends. And I mean, just like listed off Seth, there's so many needs getting met and everyone was always so appreciative. So it made you feel so happy. And then you would see the kids, if you put together an event and you saw the kids at your event that you worked really hard on and they were smiling and having the best time, you were like patting yourself on the back like, you did this with these other moms and made these kids so happy. It's very rewarding.

The children have over the years made fun of you because you seem to run into someone you know everywhere you go. Talk in the business world, you would be called a super connector and an amazing networker. Talk a little bit about the Mom Mafia.

Well, you know, whenever anyone makes fun of me, because my friends make fun of me too, they have to remember that I have been stationed in the same location for 45 years. I haven't lived anywhere else. I didn't take time in Syracuse. I didn't take time in Virginia. I mean, I have been here for 45 years and collected people. So you're talking elementary school, middle school, high school, college, graduate school, multiple, like, tons of jobs. And now my kids are in school, and now my kids have been in like 4 different schools. So you just kind of collect people over the years, and I tell my kids, I tell our kids to keep the old friends and still make new friends. So, so the collection grows, and it's a fa— it's, it's an— it's a fabulous thing.

You have run into people that you still talk to that you know from your own elementary school days. We, you, we've been at school events where the other parents are people we, you went to school with and your kids are now in there together. How do you keep those connections that you collect? How do you maintain to whatever degree those relationships so that people still have those amazingly warm and fuzzy feelings about you and are so excited to run into you?

Well, first of all, any sort of relationship takes work. And I will say, like, someone like Kristen, who I went to kindergarten with, when I saw her at Maple West with her kids and I was like, oh my God, like, I, when, I don't know when I saw her last, but we were so excited to see each other. So that's like one example, but the examples of people that I still talk to, you know, from high school or middle school. Every time I, if I run into them, I make an effort to talk to them. Otherwise, you know, I'm making an effort to make plans with them, or I'm connecting with them on Facebook. And I have to say that if you want to maintain any sort of relationship, whether it's a marriage with your children, with your friends, with your parents. You have to spend time with people and you have to make an effort.

You are an incredibly passionate advocate on behalf of marriage. So, and you just brought it up. So what are some of the things, some of, what are some of your secrets to a happy marriage?

I have studied marriage so much. It fascinates me. And, you know, I also ask you questions. I think that I, I would say the keys are you're my priority. And when you don't feel like it, I make sure to change that. And I make sure to give you time and attention and ask you what you need from me. I do little things every day that I tell people add up to a big thing, you know, whether it's texting you or, um, making you a meal or, you know, running an errand for you or leaving a note for you. The little things that we do and show the— show how we care, that all adds up.

What do you think your biggest marital challenge is and why?

I think that what I have worked on a lot this year is reactivity in general with my kids, with myself, with my husband. I always have more work to do, but I have seen major progress. And I think that I have turned the focus to myself. So instead of focusing on what I think you're doing wrong, Or instead of focusing on what I think the kids are doing wrong, I'm focusing on myself and what is my state, what do I have control over, and how can I stay calm and cool in this situation. And I will tell you, sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't, but I'm aware of it and it's the biggest thing that I work on.

You turned what started out as a coping strategy, writing, into a very successful career in a very short period of time. What do you like most about what you're doing now?

Well, it's benefiting me because it's still my greatest coping skill, and getting anything out into my writing helps me so much, as you know, along with reading it. And when people respond to it and tell me that something helped them or that they may— I made them feel like they aren't alone. It feels like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And I think I have taken my degrees and made it into a career that works for me in my life and with my family.

You have now interviewed— you've now done over 50 podcast episodes. Congratulations. That is awesome.

Thank you, honey.

The average podcaster quits after 10. Why do you think you've been able to stick to it and keep going?

Well, first and foremost, I love it. And you— we've talked about this— you pushed me to do it, so I appreciate that. Um, it's a really good fit. I get to talk to people, I get to meet people, I get to meet like-minded people. And interview them and learn from them and talk about my favorite subjects. And it's so fun and fulfilling for me. I joke that it could be like a therapy session for me because I can ask them any questions that I have about my own life. And I just love it. I love everything about it.

50+ episodes. What other than interviewing your husband, what are 2 or 3 of your favorites?

You know, I am religiously listening to Rachel Bailey, Long Game Parenting, and Kelly Hutchison, Harmony in the Home. Those 2 ladies really impacted me. And I really loved seeing— I also, you know, I love Kara Harvey too. There's a few ladies that I interviewed where I just kind of love listening to their podcasts, and I really try to listen to most of my guests' podcasts a lot. Um, but those are 3 of my favorites, and they've taught me so many things. Um, Rachel is really big on You know, there's parenting that we put a band-aid on. For example, as parents, we want to stop the behavior right away, like, make it stop, make it stop. And you and I are like, oh my God, just make it stop. But that's a band-aid. And that's not— and she has reminded me over and over as I listened to more, and, and I talked to her once, but I think I'm going to have her on again. Um, we're going for long game results. We don't want just the behavior to stop that day. We want to get to the root of the behavior. What, what is going on for our children? What skills are they missing that they're having the behavior? What is the cry for help about? And if we get to the root of it and fix it with them, then you're going to have long results instead of just results on that day. And, um, Kara is like the master organizational master. Like, oh my gosh, she like blows me away with her organizational skills. And I'm trying to think what she has taught me. She has taught me one of the greatest things that she taught me is that we can't schedule ourselves every minute of our lives. We have to have like the open time. The open time for, like, let's say, I think hers might be Wednesday morning. So Wednesday morning is like the catch-all. What did you forget to do? Did you forget to go to Target? Um, did you want to, you know, call someone back? If we schedule ourselves the entire day, we're giving ourselves no time to catch up. She also talks about, um, evaluating your day. And we might make a schedule of what we want to accomplish, but we need to look at it at the end of the day and see, did I actually accomplish everything, or is there stuff that I didn't get to that I need to carry over to the next day? So I, I mean, I could go on and on. These women that I have talked to, so many amazing women, so many lessons, and I have loved talking to all of them.

You have certainly done a wonderful job emulating super mom and becoming one yourself with all of the conflicting priorities for your attention. How do you juggle it all?

Well, I think that Jennifer Blossom taught me— what is her show? The Blossoming Moms. Does that sound familiar?

Sounds correct.

Another fabulous podcast that I love. I talked to her on my podcast, and one of her excellent recommendations to me, to all of us, is to remember that everything is not the same priority. Okay, so today, for example, we had to go to Lily's dance recital. Like, that was the must of the day. If nothing else happened, that was the priority of the day. Now, everything else that we have done since then, which is a lot of stuff, our bonuses, but we have to prioritize our day. So like, I'll know on, let's say it's Tuesday, and let's say I haven't touched my blog. I know that my priority for Tuesday is leave the dishes, leave the laundry, leave the phone calls, sit down, focus, write. This is your priority of the day. So prioritizing is my greatest superpower.

That is awesome advice. Planning a vacation can sometimes feel like a whole lot of work and people put a whole lot of time in it. What has been your favorite family trip?

Universal. We went to Universal and we stayed at Westgate Lakes and I loved it so much. That was my favorite. Can we do it again?

Anytime you're ready to get on a plane.

Max wants a resort and I'm all for it. He's like, no Disney, no Universal, just a resort. I'm, I'm ready.

Oh, you'd save a whole lot of money if we didn't need the overpriced theme park passes for 5 people every day, all day. You could go back to Westgate in Orlando and just not go anywhere, right?

Is Westgate— yeah, but I think Westgate is in like Myrtle Beach, which is every—

I mean, there's 50-plus— there's like 50 to 100 locations in the US. Yes, it doesn't have to be Orlando, but you could go somewhere and just do local stuff as opposed to going to a theme park.

Let's do it.

Awesome. All right, well, so we're going to wrap this up with a couple specific birthday questions. Favorite birthday present you've ever gotten and why?

Oh, geez. Um, any of the jewelry that you've given me. Um, anytime you give me jewelry, I love jewelry. I love purses.

Maybe you need a jewelry— yeah, I think you need a jewelry sponsor and a purse sponsor for your podcast.

Oh, I think that's a fabulous idea. Is anyone listening?

They could just keep you endless. You could just model it on every episode.

Um, maybe I'm getting a hot tub for this birthday.

Alrighty then. So—

I think that's gonna be my favorite present.

Anything else you want to share on our birthday special that I haven't thought to ask you yet, given that we could talk for hours and hours and hours, but we have to constrain to the time limits given?

Well, I appreciate you throwing this together for me. I knew you would come up with stuff off the cuff, and I really just wanted to make this about me and my birthday, and I love my birthday. I'm not one of those people that's like, I don't like my birthday, I don't want to celebrate. No, no, no, no, no, it's my birthday, and I'm gonna give you guys a little bit of advice. I already ordered my cake.

I did not know that. That is awesome. That means I won't screw it up.

Well, no, that's not what it is about, but like, I know what I want.

You will get— you ex— you will get what you want. I, for the husbands out there, she could have written down what she wanted and told me, and I still might not have gotten it right. So this way, if there's anything wrong with it, it isn't my fault at all. You'll just be mad at the ladies at Wegmans or wherever. Dessert Deli.

Here's what I, here's what I want to tell women and men. When it's Mother's Day, Father's Day, your birthday, your anniversary, Don't be shy. Make it, you know, it's okay. You deserve to have a day that's about you, and you deserve to make plans that make you happy. So when my kids are like, uh, I don't want to go for, you know, I don't want to go on an outside adventure, I will say, it's my birthday, and, and I do so much for you, you can do this for me.

Yep, no mom guilt.

Don't be shy. Do what you want on your birthday and please celebrate your birthday. Getting older is a gift. This is not a bad thing. This is a gift that I get to turn 45, God willing, as my friend would say. And I am going to celebrate getting older and I'm going to enjoy it and I'm going to celebrate my kids getting older and all the things that You know, watching my kids learn and grow every year is just amazing. And seeing, you know, how they get better at soccer and better at dance and better at theater. Um, better at school.

School might be in there somewhere.

I was just gonna say, and they get smarter and smarter every year. And I think the best thing about my kids getting older is the conversations that I get to have with them. Because when you have a baby, You know, your baby's not having a conversation with you.

So you had a conversation with the baby. The babies just didn't respond very much. I was always amazed and made fun of you, and you said— I said, you talk to them like they're adults who speak English yet and know what the heck you're talking about. And you told me it would make them smarter, and perhaps you did it correctly.

Um, yes, and not only does talking to your baby make them smarter, but it makes them talk back to you faster. So it's teaching them language. So there was reasons behind the madness.

I, I, I tell myself as my own coping strategy that there's always a reason behind whatever the madness, positive or otherwise, is, and I just have to be a detective and be curious, and eventually I'll figure it out.

Exactly. So I have very exciting guests for you lined up on my podcast. I was just going over the list. So many great people. You're going to love what I have in store for you. So I hope you will continue tuning in to all of my podcasts. I appreciate all of you. I couldn't do this without listeners. I hope you're getting something out of it. I appreciate my husband throwing together a birthday special for me. I love and appreciate you so much, Seth. And, um, I'm going to bring you back for our anniversary. That's next. Okay.

I have no doubt it will be on my calendar.

So this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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