The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene Episode 076 Anniversary Special

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

This is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am over the moon excited that I have brought back my husband Seth Thank you so much, honey.

It is an honor to be here. I am super excited. I think I'm your only third— three-time guest. My, my goal is to be like Alec Baldwin or Tom Hanks hosting Saturday Night Live for the 87th time in a row.

No, so I have had repeat guests who have been on twice, but I have never had someone on three times.

I'm winning.

You, you are going to definitely have probably the most repeat. Awesome. So Seth is the owner and CEO of multiple companies. He owns Market Domination, which is a marketing business. He owns Silver Spoon Financial, which is a financial planning business, and he also owns BMD Publishing, which is a publishing company. How did I do?

3 out of 4. You missed howtofindmoneyforcollege.com.

Come on. I cannot keep up with my husband. He keeps things interesting.

I can't keep up with you in the 17 places you went today.

So we have mutual admiration for each other, which is part of what I think makes our marriage work.

One of many, many things.

The reason why I brought Seth back, and I will bring Seth back for many reasons, whether it's to talk about parenting or marriage or business. We will have lots of fun conversations for you on my podcast, but this one is very special because this is airing on our anniversary.

Happy anniversary, honey.

Happy anniversary, our 16th wedding anniversary.

Your sweet 16 all over again.

Oh, sweet 16. I didn't even think of that.

How about that?

Well, that is very exciting, and we are going to do something special for our anniversary. Um, are we sharing what we're doing for our anniversary?

We are. We are not giving specific details, but we are going on our first overnight since COVID Oh my gosh, when is the last 3 years? 2 years? 3 years?

I can't even tell you the last time that you and I have been Is that when we went to the Delavan and Russell and Salvatore?

I got massages and a night out. Salvatore's or Russell's or what? It was Delavan and Russell's, right? Whatever the new restaurant is.

It was many years ago.

Yeah, probably 3.

So do not model, Seth.

Yes.

So we have an excuse. I will tell you that I give so many props to everybody who is out there traveling right now. I am not ready to get on a plane and we haven't really done many vacations since this whole thing started. And I am giving myself a pat on the back for booking this.

Yes, thank you very much.

So I am very excited for this. And I want to tell you that I know that we all get caught up in the craziness of the kids. So I think that doing little overnights or little vacations with your spouse is important.

Yes.

Yes.

So what would you say are some of our secrets to a successful 16-year marriage so far?

I, I see that you're taking over. I like it.

I apologize if I beat you to the punch.

I was gonna get to that, but I love, I love that you're moving me along. Um, Secrets to our marriage. So I think that I really like you. I think that obviously I'm in love with you, and I, you know, love you and find you attractive and, and, and think that you're fabulous and have all this like in love feelings for you. But I also like you a lot. I think you're such a good person, and I wake up every day thankful to be married to you. And I thank God every day that I get to be married to you. And I live in a place of gratefulness for our marriage and for you. And I really try to say thank you a lot. I think that I, I'm going to work on this even more, but like, I love when you say thank you for doing the dishes. Thank you for making dinner. Thank you for taking care of the kids. They, when you say thank you for your paycheck, like, you know, that just lights me up. And I feel like we are a team and I feel like I am in this with you together. I'm not parenting alone. I'm not in this crazy world alone. Like I have a partner to, you know, be by my side and I re-fall in love with you all the time. And I don't know that you know that, but when I was rear-ended, um, a pest control truck slammed into me at a red light and I was shaking in the middle of the road calling Seth. And I didn't call the police yet. I didn't do anything. I just looked at my son and started calling Seth. And, you know, obviously he left work and ran. And just like in that moment, I was like, I have this man that I get to do life with, and I'm just so thankful for him. So that is some of the stuff. What about you?

Well, I'm just going to highlight some takeaways you just said, if that's okay. Make sure I heard observation, I heard appreciation, I heard affection, and I heard making you feel appreciated and loved and significant.

Yeah.

You say that's an accurate summation of the things that you listed that made you feel those ways.

Yes, and I think that if we make our partner feel loved and appreciated every single day, that, that is like the huge key to a successful marriage, because we both work so hard and we both appreciate each other so much. And the more that we communicate that, the better our relationship is.

Absolutely. And to flip I can answer the question myself. I think that one, I'm, I'm, I'm all of those apply to you as well. You also make me feel appreciated and important and all of those things. I think a marital takeaway is I think you and I are complementary opposites. I think you learn at work, don't hire someone who's just like you. You think, oh, they're like me. I like them. I'll hire them. But that doesn't actually make you better. You need to hire someone who's good. I had to learn this the hard way. You need to hire someone for your business that's good at the things that you're not good at. And I think you and I are complementary opposites. There are things, times that I am big picture, 50,000-foot bird's eye view, and you are detail-oriented. So you strengthen our detail-orientedness at home. I think I am stricter. I am more of a disciplinarian. I am firmer. And sometimes our kids don't need that. Sometimes they don't respond to that. And you are the warm, loving, compassionate one who provides the things in that moment that they need. So I think we've done a really good job of complementing each other's— building on each other's strengths and complementing the things that each other isn't naturally strong at. I don't want to label it a weakness because it's not, but I think there's a complementary opposite teamwork factor that definitely makes life better.

100%. And this is really funny because you know that I just talked to Brandon Miller and we were talking about the different parenting styles. Okay. And the goal is to be an authoritative parent, a parent who is good at discipline and also, you know, gives the kids the structure, but also gives the kids a lot of love and warmth. And I will tell you that Seth and I together are the perfect authoritative parents.

Depends on which child it is and what they're doing.

But you know what I'm saying? It's like you take my warmth and you take your structure and you have the perfect parent. Yes.

I, yes. I think that if we could both do the right, that thing at the right time for the right child, we, that would be perfect. We haven't mastered that yet. I certainly haven't.

Well, I need to lean more towards structure, and you could lean more towards warmth sometimes.

100%.

Yes. So that's funny that you were describing that. I think that we have a lot of strengths as a couple. Should we talk about some of our challenges?

It is your show, but I will say yes.

I think that one of the many things that I love about Seth is that he's always— we're both always willing to learn and grow together. I think that one of the best things that we can do in our marriage is that when we get into a conflict, maybe not in that moment when everybody's heated, but when everything has calmed down, I think it's really good to discuss the conflict and what went right and what went wrong and what could you do different next time. And I love that Seth is always willing to do something different, and I love that I am willing. I am also willing to work for my marriage to be a better version of myself. I think that my reactivity is definitely a challenge, whether it's parenting or marriage. And I think that that is something that I work on. Wouldn't you say?

I would agree. I think I am still learning how to communicate with you. I think I always will be. I, I think just as you said, don't you know how to talk to me yet? No, I don't. You said the other day, I think it was on a vlog, where you said the therapist in your head knows exactly what to do, but you don't always listen. And I have your voice in my head. So theoretically, if I listened and thought about it for a minute, I would always say the right thing. However, sometimes that guy, that voice doesn't get through the emotion, and I say the wrong thing and make it worse or escalate you or upset you.

And I think a lot of the times you do listen to the voice and say the right thing, and sometimes we say the wrong thing. And, um, I think that the best thing to do in a marriage, whether it's ours or someone else's, is to be okay with saying timeout.

Yes, I think we need to— I certainly need to do a better job of, hey, let's give it a few minutes and come back when the emotional intensity has died down somewhat.

Yes, because anger is never a productive conversation.

No, it is not a resourceful state to communicate from.

Exactly. I'm trying to think what other challenges. I think that the thing that I find challenging is that when we— we're so busy and we're so scheduled that we definitely need to get back to scheduling like regular dates. Yes, I think that— I think that COVID has taken us away from that. I think we were doing a good job, and I think everyone can relate to us that before pre-COVID, I think we were doing good at regular dates, and I think we've gotten totally away from that.

Yes, we were doing better at it, and yes, we got sidetracked. And even if it isn't a public place, even if, you know what, let's order DoorDash and go take it as a picnic to a park by ourselves, or go for a walk at a park as opposed to just around our neighborhood with the dog where you say it's boring and you've seen that walk 500,000 times already. So I think we could get more creative if we're not necessarily going out on a weekly date to, let's say, a restaurant.

Well, and I will tell you that I love— something that Seth and I do a lot is we walk our dog together, and I consider that— we joke that we're going on a date. We're going to go walk the dog and go on a date. Like that's alone time to talk and connect.

It is as long. Yes. Yes. It isn't necessarily a candlelit dinner, but it certainly counts because it's conversation without the kids.

We have a purchase that we made this summer that has been very good for our marriage. Should we talk about that?

Absolutely.

So for my 45th birthday, I went, haha, let's go get a hot tub.

There's a difference. Yes, there's a his and her version of this story. My wonderful wife and I said, let's go look at hot tubs. We should get a price. We should know what we're looking at. So, you know, because the financial planner in me wants to know, hey, how do I want to budget for that? I want to know how much I'm spending in advance so I can plan for it. So we went and we looked at hot tubs, and we— I, I thought we accomplished the mission of looking. And then we got home and I discovered that you were all mad because you wanted to buy one on the spot, even though kept insisting we had to go home and measure to make sure it would fit because I'm the practical one.

I forgot about that.

See, I'm left with the emotional scar and you don't even remember. It's great. So I discovered that you were mad, strongly, because we didn't buy one, which you didn't tell me you were planning on, and you didn't realize until you were in the store that you wanted to buy one right then, and you didn't tell me. We went back then and, you know, we got the hot tub. And I think it's been wonderful for our marriage because we spend more time together because we spend time in it. We bought a more expensive one than I would have thought to buy, which I'm grateful to you for, because if we're in it a lot at night and without the lights, we would be pitch dark. We wouldn't be able to see anything. We'd have to have the electrician come back and install more lights around the house, which we should anyway. But I think the lighting and the waterfall make it much more romantic, and it is forced— we have spent more time in it and, and talked to each other more in it. And I, I think it's a great marital device.

Yes, because I mean, we will go in it at night and spend an hour in it just hanging out and talking to each other, and it's just been an awesome new way to connect. Yes, and have a little marital date at home. So We didn't know when we purchased it that it was going to be good for our marriage.

We did not.

So definite bonus. Def— I definitely recommend purchasing a hot tub.

Consult with your financial advisor about the economic feasibility of that.

So can we back up to that? Because I think that it's a really good point because, so I believe we went and looked at hot tubs on my birthday. Am I remembering correctly?

I think so, yes.

So what I wanted to do, which communication is the key to, to a successful marriage and a happy marriage, effective, calm communication, I will say. So I did not communicate to Seth that I thought it would be fun. See, I'm really big on the word fun, which we're going to talk about.

Spontaneous fun. Don't plan it, it doesn't count.

So I love— this is like the little kid in me. This is like my inner child coming out. Like, I love to go to the hot tub store and pick one out and purchase it and be done like the day, like my birthday, and be like, yay, we bought a hot tub on my birthday. How fun is that? And my practical husband said, well, you didn't measure. You don't know where it's going to go. You don't know where it's going to fit. I'd like to think about it. Like, he doesn't love like a spontaneous big purchase, right?

Spontaneous little, like, hey, we went out to dinner, um, fine. Spontaneous significant, I, I would prefer to do some research and crunch numbers and all that fun stuff.

Like Seth researching lawnmowers before he purchases one.

So yes, and I purchased— I did that because I wanted it to work. Not because I was worried about the couple hundred dollars. No, it was a lot, was significant.

I understand that. I think you just like to research and get a good product, which I totally understand. So Seth is very practical, and I sometimes like to be spontaneous and fun. And I think in understanding what each other needs, I think that we need to communicate that and be like, What does Seth feel is okay to be spontaneous and fun about? And like, what can I be more practical about? So I think that when you're here, when you're all the way to the left and I'm all the way to the right, we have to move a little bit. Like, even with cleanliness, like, if I was a neat freak when he met me, like, we both moved a little bit to the center. Yes, I think I've calmed down.

Yes, I am proud of the progress we have both made. You have made me more clean, anal, and you, you— I have loosened you up.

So, um, what marital advice do you have for us in this coming year as we venture into our next year of marriage?

Yes, I think communication, recognizing that we're in an unresourceful state and shouldn't be talking at that moment if it can be avoided, listening to the voices in our heads that tell us the right thing to say or do, and keep focus, keeping strength focused, keep doing more of all the positive stuff we just listed, and then working on our communication so that we minimize as much as possible the negative effects of any disagreement or conflict or misunderstanding.

Yes, and you said something super important that I want to touch on, which is the fact that you want to catch your spouse doing what— doing things right. Yes, you want to catch him all day doing stuff right. He's going to feel like total crap if I criticize him all day. He will say— he will say to me, can I do anything right today? And when he says that, it feels like a stab in the heart, like Oh, what am I doing to him? I'm, I'm not being a good wife. A good wife makes— I want my husband to feel 10 feet tall. I want him to feel like I love and adore him and think that he's fantastic. That's my goal every day. So when I'm criticizing him, I'm not doing that. So we want to catch our spouse doing stuff right all day, and we want to tell them, and we want to tell them we appreciate it. And then if we catch them doing things right, they want to do more of it. Yes. And what we focus on expands. So if I'm focusing on everything he's doing right, then, then it looks like more and more right stuff in my brain.

Yes. I want you wearing your pink colored glasses.

I like my pink colored glasses.

Yes.

So I think moving forward in this next year of marriage, um, whether it's you or the kids, you know, it's the power of the pause. That's the key. To my success is taking the pause. Your angry pause is what you're going to say going to make your husband feel bad? Is it going to make your child feel bad? Take the pause and think about what you're going to say before you say it.

Amen. That's great advice.

So anything else that we want to share before we wrap up?

I think that's a great way to end it.

Well, thank you so much for doing this with me.

My pleasure.

Um, I love you very much, and happy sweet 16 to us.

I love you very much. Happy sweet 16 too.

I'm looking forward to many, many, many years ahead with you.

Amen.

Thanks for being married to me.

Thanks for marrying me.

This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you, and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.