The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene Episode 104 You Aren’t Broken

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and this is a very, very special podcast to me because I finally have one of my dearest Stephanie Kofta with me today. Stephanie, thank you for doing this.

Oh, you're welcome. Thanks for finally getting me to do it.

So this is what I want to tell you before we jump into Stephanie. When I started this podcast over a year ago, my first choice for my guest was Stephanie, and I have wanted her on for, I think, She might be 103. I wanted to have her on for 103 episodes, and I am definitely going to tear up during this podcast because she's so special to me. She is such a good therapist. Um, I'm gonna do a formal introduction, but I want you to know that she's been giving me informal therapy for, uh, 21 years.

Oh my gosh, that's crazy.

And we're going to talk about some of the really strong, significant things that she's done for me in my life. And Stephanie and I had the pleasure of working together, and we worked with our very good friend Molly Bocek, and we lost Molly to cancer. How many years ago, Stephanie?

Oh, probably I would say 3 now.

I don't even know. I meant to ask you that before I hit record, cuz I don't know how many years ago she left, but it feels like way too long ago. And it was such a big loss for the 2 of us. The 3 of us were like sisters at work. And I used to joke that I was their middle sister between the 2 of them. And my office was between the 2 of them. So it was just ironic how the offices set up and how our dynamics were, but We are going to air this episode on December 10th in honor of Molly because her birthday is December 12th. So this all feels— is the word serendipitous?

Is that the word?

It feels serendipitous that I finally have Stephanie on and it's right before Molly's birthday. So Molly, we hope that you are listening. This is for you. And before I cry, I will jump in.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me tell you about my wonderful friend. Stephanie started out as a social worker in 1997. She worked for Catholic Charities MST program— that's Multi-Systemic Therapy— for 13 years until going into private practice in 2010. She works mostly with adults but will work with older teens too. Her focus is on depression and anxiety. Her goal is to have her office feel like a living room and to have a session feel like they are friends who are hanging out. and I can vouch for the fact that she's so good at that. She believes that you can have fun in counseling while also doing good work. Who said becoming your best self can't include quotes from the Real Housewives? That's right. Oh my God, you're gonna have to tell me about that one in this interview. But, um, let's start from the beginning and tell us what inspired you to become a social worker.

Well, I had always wanted, even from being younger, wanting to go into kind of the helping field. And I had actually— my focus was to get a master's in social— or sorry, psychology. And I didn't get into the grad school I wanted to go to, which was Stony Brook. I have no idea why I even chose that. Whatever.

I didn't— I never knew that.

Yeah, so I, I didn't get in there, and, um, my mom had talked to one of our friends who was a social worker and said like, yeah, have Steph connect with me. So I connected with her and she said, you know, the world's kind of going in a direction where social work is really the place to be because it just gives you so many more opportunities and places directions to go. So she suggested that I go non-matriculated at UB for a year, which I did, and then applied to the program and did my master's there.

And the rest is history. And I'm so glad because we landed in the same spot.

Well, and it's funny, I know people— well, they don't know this, but I will tell them that you actually took my spot I think you muted.

Don't mute. Don't mute.

You actually took my spot, I think, at Catholic Charities because I had left for 5 months to go somewhere else. Wasn't a good fit for me and then came back. And so it was kind of perfect.

Well, and they also don't know that the office that we started in was like cubicles, right?

Right.

We didn't, we didn't have like our own office when we started, but I was sandwiched between Molly and Stephanie, which was fantastic because you both used to hear me on the phone. Like, I was a brand new therapist, like right out of school. They sent me to the wolves. That's not very nice of me. And, you know, Molly and Stephanie heard what I was saying and they would jump in. They would send me notes.

Oh, boy. Piece of paper and hold them up.

They would be like, don't say that. And they, they really coached me and were such great teachers. So I'm so glad you came back and we got to work with each other.

Well, thank you.

Do you remember my purple couch?

That was— well, when you asked about a memory, that is one of my biggest memories, is just kind of hanging out on that purple couch and sharing just whatever the day was going on in the day.

Or— I know, I know, I miss it. We used to see each other every day.

I know.

And it, you know, it's maybe one day again we will work together and see each other all the time.

That might be advanced.

My crystal ball sees it in my future. Okay, so that's your favorite memory of us working together. Yes, the purple couch. I had a purple couch. Of course I did. So you've been doing this for 24 years. Did I do the math right?

Is that right? It just hurts.

It hurts to hear it.

I just turned 49.

It's like, oh, we're still youngins. That's true.

That's true.

I refuse to think anything else. So what do you like best about what you do? Because it's been a long time.

I do really look at it like it, it is an honor to be able to walk these journeys with my clients. And you know, even from MST, and for people who don't know about MST, we actually worked in people's homes with them. And, um, with, with them when they had children that were at risk for placement because of behavior disorders. And, you know, you really got connected to your clients when you were able to do that, because we could be there for 15 minutes, we could be there for 6 hours. And I have really taken that into private practice. And even now, I remember when I came into private practice, the person who brought me in said, okay, this isn't MST anymore. You're only responsible for your clients like for that hour in this room. And I am— I tell my clients, here's my cell number, you have access to me in between. I want you to know I have your back in between the times that we're together. You can text me, you can contact me, because it really is an honor to be able to have people trust you enough to let you in to these sometimes not so awesome experiences that they're having. And I want people to know I'm here for you, for them. And it really is. I've met some amazing people who've given as much to me as I've been able to give to them.

You have such a good heart, and it shows in your therapy how much you care, and that is the main reason, aside from your wisdom, why you're so successful.

Well, thank you.

Well, and you give so much good advice, and we're going to get into your advice, but I'm just curious, what's the best advice you've ever gotten?

So I'm going to give a personal and a professional one. I— do you know Carol Byer?

Yeah, I do.

Okay, so Carol, and then she's married Mary Belton now. She's married for— so when I was really struggling with some of my own stuff, I went out to dinner with both of them, and they are probably one of a very— if not the two most people in my life who are able to tell me how it is, and I could take it in because I could be a little spicy, as you know. And I remember kind of venting about a situation I had experienced. I was in the right Um, and I remember one of them saying to me, you know, you can be right and still burn the town to the ground. And that was a moment for me that really stuck with me, that I talked to clients a lot about now. Like, we can be right and yet still leave all this collateral damage around us if we're not careful.

That's really good advice.

And then I remember a professional teachable moment a long time ago. I was doing some private work with wraparound services and was at, I think, Iroquois Job Corps with a parent advocate. So her daughter had gone through the program, so she was there helping the mom. And just in talking, I didn't know her daughter. And I said, oh, what's— well, what's wrong with your daughter? And she said, well, nothing's wrong with my daughter. Here's your diagnoses. And I stopped her and I said, thank you for that. Thank you for, for, for that moment.

Yes.

Yeah. I apologize. And thank you for that because. Yeah, right. There. There is nothing wrong with your daughter. And I tell clients all the time, you know, I'm so— you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. We're coming out better selves, but you're not broken. You're not damaged. You're not that. You're not that. But that was really something. And she didn't do it in a judgmental way. It was— so I asked her, she said, oh no, nothing's wrong with my daughter. Here's her diagnosis. And I just It's like, wow, thank you for this, for teaching me that.

That is a smart mother. Yes, yes. Because a lot of our, a lot of our clients, we would walk into their houses and they would be like, let me show you what is wrong and what I'm dealing with. Right, right. So you talked about the impact your clients have had on your life. And you just gave an example. Any other clients that have had a real significant impact on your own life?

I think the ones that I have seen, the light bulb goes off. Um, I remember one recently who, um, he's grown up and in ADHD adults with ADHD and just talking about not an easy life, not an easy mother. And just saying, she would tell stories about, oh, well, you know, I wasn't an easy kid to deal with. And I said, I know, because I do not have And easy. I have a very spirited ADHD daughter who will rule this world. But until then, we have to make it there.

Ooh. Yep.

And she, she had told some stories about, oh, you know, like, like I would forget folders at school or folders at home. And like, you know, well, my parent would, you know, punch me in the head. And I said, whoa, like, that's a trauma. And I remember, like, we talked about it, and she just sat there, was like, that's trauma, and just took it in. And I just saw her break down. But you could see in that moment, she's like, things are starting to make sense. Like, when you see those moments when the pieces are coming together How it's just so like, and that's why I'm like, this is what it's about.

Yes. And for us to have those moments is what it's all about.

Right, right. One of my favorite moments as a therapist is I get a lot of— I work with, um, a, an OB-GYN, so I, I get a lot of, um, postpartum moms sent to me. And as you know, like, I'm real. I talk— I have 2 ADHD kids. I talk about, you know, the stupid things I do every day. Yeah, I'm very open and honest. And I— she came in and, you know, of course there's just her and I in the office, and she like looks around. She had a little baby, and she like leans forward and she whispers to me, Do you ever get tired of being a mom? And I was like, every day. And she's like, really? I'm like, yeah, I love them and I get tired and they annoy me every day. And she was like, and it's okay. Like, yes, it's normal. She's a new mom, had a colicky baby, couldn't find the right formula. I said, yes, good moms get frustrated.

No, and you're so real and so honest, and I think that's what I love the most about you. I know you'll give it to me straight, and I know you'll be honest with us about your struggles too.

Yeah, well, and I think people appreciate that. I, I tell people all the time, like, if you're coming to counseling and you want someone who's going to be like That's not me. No, you know, I'm here to kind of be someone who's, who's going to be, you know, a, a guide, a coach, a cheerleader, you know, whatever you need. And I always say to people, like, people tend to come into me for like a situation, so there's a crisis in their lives We get through it and they just keep on coming. And I always say to them, you just need Stephanie time. But it's their, it's their place that they know that they can come and process whatever happened during the week. And they'll say to me like, well, what do you think? And I will say, yeah, you know, like, sounds like you handled it well, or sounds like maybe you got a little more reactive than you needed to. And we're going to have a conversation, and it's, it's going to be kind and loving. And they know it comes from a good place because they know that I, I genuinely do care about them and want them to be their best selves.

Man, I miss Stephanie time. I used to get Stephanie time every day. Seth would love if I got Stephanie time because you would be like, what did you say to him? Can you just picture it? So you deal with a ton of depression and anxiety, and we're going to talk about that. But you're a mom and you're a wife. You've been married forever. How many years?

So it'll be 20— I had to think of— it'll be 23 years this year.

Oh my gosh.

Wow. Wow.

That's forever. So let's start with parenting advice. And it can be any parenting advice, but you and I have— you have Lucy, I have Lily. We have very strong-willed daughters. What is your advice to parents? I mean, how are you dealing with that every day? Because I know firsthand it's not easy.

Yeah, a lot of times I'm not good, to be honest. Like, Jeff and I have a lot of coming to— we call it coming to Jesus moments. Like, when I'm going to bed at night and I'm praying, I'm like, hush.

Yes, I gave in today, Lord.

Jesus, take the wheel.

Seriously.

You know, she can— she's tough, and we just really focus on— trying to focus on that she is unique and that God did make her the way that he wanted her to be. And, you know, there's this new song, country song, it's called Complicated, and it's, it's, you know, about a girl, and it's like, you know, if you can't handle me keep it moving. And it was really— when she gets on my nerves, you know, I will listen to it, and it's like, yeah, you know, she's a girl that's gonna— you know, one of the lines is like, I'm an MVP and you're Little League, and I'm gonna get bored. I think, you know, and that's really kind of who she is, and she really is amazing in a lot of ways. Really, one of the things that Jeff and I are constantly talking about that we do not do well, I'll be honest, is not escalating along with her. And I think that's the key. And that's super hard.

Yes.

And I think, and Jeff would yell at me if I didn't point this out, he and I do at times have different um, parenting beliefs. Like, he came from a farm family. He's the youngest of 8 children. In a farm family, you stay in line. You don't get out of line. And, you know, I said with Lucy, unless you're going to beat her black and blue, she's going to win, and you're not going to beat her black and blue. But, you know, Jeff's 6'6". Lucy's 10. He told her the other day, like, get your butt into bed, you know, or I'm gonna beat your butt. And she's like, meet me in the courtyard. She's 10.

I, I can't believe the things that our daughters say that I, like, never would have said to my parents.

No, but yeah, and our parents could, like, just give us an eye, and, you know, you'll be like this, and she'll be like What, you know, but you know, spirited kids, you know, are very unique and they have unique qualities and you have to parent them in a different way if you want to grow up and have a relationship with them. Like, do you want to be right or do you want to have a loving relationship with them?

Well, and you will relate to this, I realized that I was getting into this like mode where all I wanted to do was beat her and win.

Yeah.

And see her like submit to me. And I was like, why is that your goal? And that's causing these huge fights.

Yeah.

And I, right. And I was like, your goal is for her to learn something. And she's not gonna learn anything if I'm yelling at her. Yeah, not easy.

Yeah. And I noticed too, like, we have to be with both of our kids. So I have a 15-year-old son, Aiden, too, who, again, really good kid, honor student, but he's 15, so he's starting to feel himself a little bit. Um, and you know, It can often in our house be boys against girls. And I think when we're really frustrated with the kids, we have to kind of take that time away and say, like, we just had a parent-teacher conference for Lucy, and both of her teachers were like, we love your daughter. We love her spirit. We— she's the best friend. She's the best leader. And my fear, and I— you probably remember this, like, when it was coming time to send Lucy to school, was that she's going to be this kid that everybody's gonna be like, you don't want that kofta kid in your class. And I will tell you, every year we hear like, don't tell the other kids, but she's our favorite. Like, she, she's a lover. But she's also, you know, she's got her mind on something. She's gonna, she's gonna figure out how to get it. And she and I tend to get frustrated about the same things. And then instead of me coming from a place of empathy, I think I get angry and frustrated and then mean. And then I have to recoil. Which I always do. And I think that's a good parenting— like, when we mess up, we need to come back and say, hey, I should have— I shouldn't have talked like that or gotten angry like that.

Exactly. I know I definitely need to apologize more often than I would like, but we are both doing our best.

Yes, and that's what I keep in mind. They're doing their best. We're doing our best. And we used to tell MST clients and parents all the time, if your kids are good out in the world and they're idiots at home, that's what we want. And then I had my own kids and I was like, can we tune it down?

You're like, can we get some of that at home too?

Right. Can we—

this is what I want to tell you. My brother has some of that. Spirited child in him. I remember him like not listening, like, I will do things my way. Right. And he is opening his 19th chiropractic clinic this week. So let them take their spirit and use it for good in this world.

Right. Yes. Aiden will tell Lucy, you're gonna be in jail. And I said, she's gonna be your boss one day. Just wait.

Yes. That is a, that is much better. I like that way. Well, and you've been married forever.

Yes.

And have lots of marital tips and advice, and I know things are never perfect in our marriages. I know, right? But what advice do you have for people to be happier, stay married? What wisdom do you have for us?

Well, I think part of it has to be. And I think at least for Jeff and I, because there are times where, you know, I know you're like, I could run in— I always tell my kids when they really bother me, I'll run into the woods and start a new family. You know, it's hard, but for us, like, divorce is not an option. So that's part of it. Like, we have 2 kids It's just not going to happen, I think. And if women are going to like this, and— but this, we— I think women are notorious for— we come into the marriage and then we change the rules, and we change how much we have sex, we change the conditions around sex, and I'm a culprit of it too. I, I think that sex is a huge part of a marriage, that, that has to be part of it. I'm a huge proponent, and I do this all the time in marriage counseling, is there needs to be some sort of negotiation around that piece of it. You know, this is another big thing a huge teachable moment I had in marriage counseling one day. Uh, husband had said to me, you know, Stephanie, you can meet my wife's intimacy needs by rubbing her back, by hugging her, by comforting her. It's like, guys' emotional connection— penis and vagina.

Yeah.

And I mean, I think a lot of women will say You know, Jeff's a lot nicer after he's had sex. I can get a lot more things done after he has sex. So we, you know, we have— there are rules in our house, and that's— no, I'm not even going to apologize for it because we've been married for 23 years. Like, there— we have had multiple conversations of how much sex do you want, how much sex you want, okay, what's in the middle, and That is how we run our, our lives. And I talk to clients all the time like, we don't want it scheduled. I said, if you don't schedule it, it won't happen. Jeff will hate that I'm telling the story, but I'm going to.

No. Oh, go ahead.

So we used to, when we were first married in our apartment, we used to always watch Sex and the City. So we live in Akron a little time country town. And so we would watch Sex and the City, and he— and ever at the— the episode would end and he's like, and now it's sex in the country. And it was just like, you know, you knew.

Yes.

What to expect sounds like it's not something we both wanted, but it was— it keeps the connection in I was laid up for like 6 months over the summer with 2 herniated discs in my back and horrible pain. And we, we weren't able to be intimate for that whole time. And there was a disconnect. And once that was able to start up again, it's like, oh, I do like you. Huh? Yes.

You know, it's like the one thing that you have only with your spouse. Like the one thing you have. Yes, I totally agree with that.

And it's that, and I think like for a lot of women, it's the only time that our minds can be quiet. And it's not about who's going where or when, was homework checked? Is this done? Did I hear something? You know, it can be like just the two of you. And that connection is so important.

I mean, I will tell you that I will get in bed and my head will be like, oh, I forgot to do this. I forgot to do this. I forgot to do this. My head is still spinning. And Seth will look at me and be like, um, look at me, can we like just, just you and me? And I'm like, I'm like, okay, give me a moment to relax.

Yeah. And, and I will say, you know, talk with clients too about sometimes you, and I call it take one for the team, but I think more often than not you'll find when you take one for the team, once you're in it, You're in it.

It's true.

And then everybody feels better afterwards. I know, but it's not a priority. I think a lot for moms, because there's— by the end of the night, I just want to be left alone. I want a bed to myself. I want to go to sleep.

I know, I felt so bad last night. I was like, you see this book? I'm going to read this book and relax. And I don't want to talk. Like, I don't want a deep conversation. I don't want anything. I just want to be left alone with my book. Such a good way.

But I think that's also okay to say, you know, I know as I get older, this is one of the big things that I've learned with Lucy. Lucy re-energizes by being with people. I re-energize, even though I'm an extrovert, I re-energize by having a quiet moment. So I have to say to everyone in the house, like, I'm out for a bit. Like, you've all overstimulated me. I need to take a quiet moment. Like, leave me alone for a minute and then I'll come back and I'll be okay. But if we don't do that, then I'll be like, and not somebody you want to be around.

Mm-hmm. At least you know that. We have to know those things about ourselves, right?

Well, and it's when I was reading a book about spirited kids that I figured out, because Lucy would— Lucy still wants to always be on top of me. But one of the things that talked about spirited kids is that when these kids not all spirit kids energize like this, but for Lucy, who re-energizes like that, when she would see me alone in a quiet moment, she would think I was sad and there was something wrong. So she'd want to be right up on top of me trying to make me feel better. So now when I figured that out, when I'm able to say to her, I need a minute by myself because that's how I kind of renew, that's how I kind of feel better. And then I'm able to kind of, you know, make slime or do whatever thing you want to do, whatever mess you want to make next. That's how, that's how we'll make it out alive today, Lucy.

Oh my gosh, I swear we're raising the same children. Can we make slime? I'm like, again, again with the messes and the slime.

It's constant. It's constant.

I know, that's potions all over the house.

Both things and potions.

I told you that if they knew each other, um, Stephanie and I don't live in the same town, so they don't like go to the same school or anything. But if they knew each other, I swear they would be best friends.

Oh yeah, and they take over the world together.

I think, I think they would. Okay, let's talk about your clients. You're getting a lot of clients coming in with anxiety and depression.

Yes.

Let's start with anxiety. What are they coming in complaining about? What are some key ways to help them?

So I think a lot of it, you know, and the pandemic has thrown everybody.

Ah, yes.

It's been horrible. Um, but in general, racing thoughts, can't sleep. Reactive, agitated, and feeling out of control. So, and again, I think depression, I always say to people, depression and anxiety are like sister and brother.

Yes, they often go together.

So I do a lot of work with people. So starting with anxiety is recognizing when it's coming on. So, recognizing physically when it's happening so that you can stop and get it, okay, what am I thinking about? Because everything we experience starts with a thought in our head. So, a lot of physically when, what's my cue that I'm triggered or that something's happening. And a lot of that cognitive behavioral work What are those thoughts in our head? What's that? What's that tape that we hear over and over again? And how to get, how to retrain that thinking. And that's with depression too.

Yeah. So, you feel like working with them on what they're telling themselves is making an impact on them feeling better.

Right. Absolutely. And I think so often, you know, I have to clarify too that when we're talking to ourselves, it should be in a kind and loving way. And so, like, I always use the example, so when I'm feeling anxious, I'll have that— I have a heat ball that starts here. So I'll stop what I'm doing and I do what I call my inventory. I go through like, what could be going on? The kid's okay? Yeah. Okay. Um, you feeling okay? Yeah. Oh, did you sleep? No, you didn't sleep good.

You know, Stephanie, when you don't sleep well, sometimes you feel anxious and you're crabby. That's probably what it is.

Well, you're right. And you— I have that, like, a conversation back and forth like that until I can feel the energy within me shift.

Yeah.

And then it's okay, we're good. Or if I take a medicine You know, I have ADHD too. So, when I take my ADHD medicine, I can feel my heart, and I have to remind myself, you're not anxious. Just because your heart beats fast, a lot of times it triggers your brain to think there's a crisis and the alarms go off. So, it's being able to say to myself, wait a second, no, you took that medicine. It makes your heart beat fast. When it does, it makes you think you're, but you're not, you're fine.

You're good.

And it's really— but people will come in and say, well, it didn't work, so what happened? Well, I was saying, like, stop doing that. I'm like, well, no, we're not yelling at ourselves, we're being kind and loving.

I have a friend who is so good to me. She will tell me such sweet, loving things. I will be stressed out, she will have wonderful advice, but she so mean to herself, so critical of herself. And I'm like, why is it that you're so kind to me and so mean to you? How does that make any sense?

And it's sad.

It is sad. I know. We have to be our own best friends. That's what I tell people. I know.

And I think, you know, Religion can, it can sometimes come into the context. If, if there is somebody who is religious, we do end up talking about religion. And, you know, we talk about prayer, meditate, all those things to quiet the mind, which is a big thing. I'm also a huge proponent too, you know, I think there was once a school of thought that was Um, like I've had clients, someone's died. Um, don't think about that person, don't think about that person. Well, you think, you think, then you think more. So I'm a big proponent of you get up in the morning, you set your timer for 10 minutes, and you sit and you think about that, whatever is bothering you, and you are in it. When the timer goes off, you say, okay, like We're going to put that away for now. You come back to it 10 minutes later on, and then when it pops into your head, you can say, "No, it's not the time, but I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna come back to you later." Because those are also things that— and I will use this language— like, these traumas and things, they need to be honored. They need to have that time. And again, it's not to obsess over them, But it's to take the time to process through them.

Even as silly as, hey, I'm not a fan of the winter. I know you know that. And this morning, cold, snowy, taking the kids to school. And I was like, okay. I was like, let yourself say it. I don't like winter. I'm like, let yourself scream it. Like, feel it. Okay, let's move on now.

Right. Yeah, because it's a, it's a real thing. These are real things that we're having and experiencing, and to kind of not acknowledge them doesn't really make sense. You know, I did a lot of kind of classes and studying on tapping. And that was a big thing that they talked about. Like, you are first acknowledging, like, the pain, because a lot of times it's for physical pain or, you know, PTSD kinds of stuff. Like, you are saying, like, you know, this pain sucks, I hate it. Oh, I'm a Swarv, but F this, whatever. And you are honoring that, and then you are shifting into Yes. And I can heal and I can get better and I am stronger and I am, you know, I, my body can heal itself. But you have to acknowledge that there is uncomfortableness, there is trauma, there is sadness there.

So true. Yes. Tapping is so fascinating to me. That's like on my list to learn about it. I've never done any trainings on that. Stephanie and I did a bunch of cognitive behavioral trainings. We have We've done a bunch of things, but I have never done tapping.

So yeah, I like it.

I'll have to put that— I'll have to do that. I'm due for a lot of trainings. We have to do continuing education, and I've got a lot to do. That's, that's a whole nother conversation. So I didn't tell you that I was going to talk about this, but Molly keeps coming to my head. I swear to God, she's probably here because I keep thinking— I'm sure she's listening to us. I'm sure she's proud of us. I wish she was on this with us. I would love to ask her questions. But I mean, what do you think? I'm thinking about this answer too. What do you think that we learned from her? So much.

Well, yeah. And I mean, I think She was like the person that I connected to with MST, I mean, pretty much from the beginning. So, she was the one that I think I would always go to for like, what do I do in this situation? How do I handle the situation? Yeah. How do I say this, write this? Do this. So I mean, I think more than I could put into words.

I know.

And you know, Molly and I had our conflict too, because we were like— I was like the baby of the family, even though I'm older than— I'm actually in between you guys. I, I— you were the peacemaker and I was the, the bratty sister who didn't want to be told.

Well, I think that— yes, it's just so fascinating because she is such— she was such a rule follower. Like, this is how we do things, right? And you were like, what the— like, I'm not doing it that way. And we definitely had that dynamic of, you know, your offices were on either side, you both would come in my office in the middle, and I would be like, you love each other. Let's not fight, we love each other. But she really, um, it was perfect for me because I had her telling me I had to do it this way. I had you whispering in my ear, no you don't. So it was like the perfect blend for me to learn so much. You know, um, I miss her so much.

I know.

And, um, especially seeing you, you obviously make me think of her. And, um, what else do you want to share before we wrap this up? Anything else?

I, I think the big thing for people who maybe haven't ever done counseling. I, I tell people all the time who come into my office, so when I have my first session with them, you know, it's so important to find somebody that you really fit with, and that's really the key. So if you have to try a bunch of people, that's what you have to do. I always end my final session, my final, the final minutes of my first session with somebody and say, do you think we're a fit? Um, because that's so important.

Yes.

And you really can have fun. And I will, I, and I will say to people like, we're gonna have some fun. Yes, we're gonna have some fun, but we're gonna do good work too. So we can talk about the Housewives, the latest Housewives episode while we're also, you know, getting into big things. I've been known to like use a lot of the Housewives quotes because I love the Housewives. I have like clients have a couple guys have given me, um, do you watch the Housewives?

I do.

Okay, do you watch Atlanta?

I don't, I don't watch all of them.

Okay, hold on, I gotta grab one thing real quick.

Take your time.

So I— one of my clients got me— you can see it's like a print, but it's got Nene on it.

Oh my goodness.

Like, when I grow up, I want to be Nene, like spicy and strong. So, um, it's like a little— so I had a client once, a new client, she's talking and she's like It's on— it's over on my desk, and she's talking and she does a double take and she says, "Is that Nene?" And I was like, "I—

yeah." Oh my gosh. Do you have a favorite Housewife quote?

I like, "I said what I said," which is on my cup that somebody gave me.

I've heard that one. That's a good one.

So I also like— you probably watch New York, right?

You know, I don't know. I watch Orange County and Beverly Hills. That's it.

Oh, miss girl. I know. So, um, I, uh, when I'm— when Jessica and Mel B Yeah, I always say to him, don't come for me unless I send for you. That's usually the key, like, ya best calm down.

Oh my goodness, they have some really good lines though, they really do. Seth is like, why do you like this stuff?

Because it's mindless and it's fun.

Uh, I, you know, I find it all very fascinating. I told him you have to look at it like I find human behavior fascinating. Yes. So that would be one of those examples.

Yeah. So a lot of times I can watch and say like, okay, you can see like that person's trauma playing out. And then sometimes they're just jerks, but it's fine.

Yes. So we can't end without telling them about You are key in me finding Seth.

I was hoping I could tell the story.

Will you tell the story? Okay.

Okay, so I have to tell like a little, just a bit of the person before.

Go ahead, go ahead.

Okay, so—

You're looking for words.

Okay. You know what Jeff calls you, right? Can I say that?

I don't.

So Jeff used to call you, um, what would he say? Oh no, a Jew in a Gentile's body. Is that what he would say?

Yes.

Okay, so yeah, so when you were dating the person beforehand, he was Christian.

You're obviously Jewish. Yes.

And you were really struggling to kind of make that work, and it's possible to make it work if you have somebody who's willing to work with you.

Yes.

So I remember sitting on the purple couch and, you know, just saying to you, like, I mean, you were like, I'm gonna do Juice for Jesus. I was like, what?

What in the heck?

Like This isn't workable. So you guys had broken up, and I remember saying, you know, you just have to give it to God and God will lead you to somebody. So I remember you come back from temple and you're like, oh, you know, I met this guy and he gave me his card, blah blah. And then right afterwards you're like, I wish God would bring me somebody. I was like He did. The guy gave you his card in Temple, and then you went out on a date the same day that Liz Karcher, who's another good friend of both of ours— our husbands are best friends— and we were out to dinner, and you were on your date with Seth, and we're waiting to hear, and The rest is history, as they say. But I love that. My favorite story ever. I just wish God would bring somebody to me. I'm like, like in Temple with a business card.

I don't know what the heck it's like. It's like God was knocking on my head. Stephanie's like, how loud does God knock on your head?

Well, and it's kind of like when I was kind of praying to meet somebody, and God's like, he's 6'6". I, I can't make him any more obvious. He's right there. But I also remember, like, when you got engaged to this other person, and like, kind of what you wanted. It's like, I remember you're like, you pull the ring like out of your— it was like in your purse, and I'm like This is a sign, like, this is not what is your, your divine plan.

No, but oh, I love— I—

yes, I was hoping we could tell that story today. I love that story.

Well, you helped me end a very not good relationship, and you helped me find my wonderful husband, so I am forever grateful to you, and I tell you that all the time.

I know, I love that story. Well, thank you. I'm glad that it worked out. 3 kids later.

3 kids later. Um, tell everyone where they can find you.

So, um, if anybody's interested, you can call me or you can even just text me at 716-238-5808. My practice is located in Waynesville, um, at 2821 Whirley Drive. So it's on the corner of Harris Hill and Whirley in the North Forest Office Park. Pretty easy to get to. So if somebody is interested in even having a conversation or coming in, just text me and say that you, you know, know Rebecca, and I'll get you in right away.

I tell everyone about you. You probably know that.

I've gotten some of your people over the years.

Yes. And, um, Do they have to come to your office, or will you do it like this on the computer?

Yeah, I can do it like this. My preference is to have people come in just because it's especially for a first time. Um, but the energy is so different when you're in the room with people. But obviously, you know, with wherever people's comfort level is. You know, I'll do whatever makes people feel most comfortable.

Well, Stephanie, we did it.

I made it through, and I didn't even swear. I was worried about that.

You did such a good job. I knew you would. You are full of so much wisdom. I have benefited over the years, and I can't thank you enough.

Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for staying on me until I Got out of my own way, faced my own fears, and did this.

Oh my gosh, I'm like, I really want her to do this, but I don't want to make her. I need to, you know, I had a couple pushes. I understand. Well, this is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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