Turning My Negative Marital Pattern Around

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Cha-cha chicken!

Cha-cha chicken! Lily's falling asleep on the couch, we need to put our children to bed. I hope you grabbed some wine, and I hope you are ready for Winey Palooza Wednesday.

Let's get ready to winey palooza.

I realized last week that you were making all these jokes behind me.

Yes.

And I was just doing my thing. This is kind of my job. And I was totally oblivious.

I'm the comic relief.

I was totally oblivious to half of the things that you were doing.

See, it's like normal life. You just don't listen to me.

I was just— I would just have a thought and I would keep going with the thought.

I see how you are.

Um, okay, so we've gotten wine.

We got wine. Well, I better have some wine. I don't have any wine yet.

Um, this is watermelon Moscato from Nikki that is amazing.

Um, you're okay, Nikki.

We love Nikki.

So Nikki's wine too.

Okay. So the topic this week, let's get started. Don't make me laugh. That's my job. Back to school question mark.

She drew a question mark for those of you people who are watching in reverse.

So as of today, bum bum bum, the schools are making plans for the kids to go back to school to meet the state requirements. I gotta stop waving so I'm not distracted. I'm waving to everybody. Thank you for watching. So as of now, the schools are— I believe I was told that the schools have plans that are due this week that they have to submit to the state about schools reopening. And the schools have all began having reopening committees, and the reopening committees have teachers and administrators and teach— parents, teachers, administrators.

And lots of meetings.

And they're all getting together to come up with plans to make our children safe, to make the teachers safe, to make the school safe.

Safe is a key word.

Okay, so as of today, safe, the kids are going back to school.

Safe.

We— see what I mean? Like, you do this thing in the background and I don't even— like, I was watching our last video and I totally didn't even hear him doing that.

She just tunes me out, ladies and gentlemen.

So I'm paying attention to to what he's doing behind me this week.

Sure you are.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

Committee meetings.

Are you going to let me hold a thought?

Nope. So they're having opening committees.

So it's July 22nd. I know it's July 22nd because my nephew is 10 today. Happy birthday, Chase. And we don't know what August 22nd is going to bring.

Or September 22nd.

Or September 22nd. So what I am trying to do as a parent is I am trying to be present-focused and I am trying to live in the here and now. It is July, it is summer. We are trying to just enjoy the summer.

It was your favorite season.

Which is my favorite season. Sundresses, flip-flops, tan. Oh my.

Pools.

Pools. So I'm trying to just enjoy July because I have no idea what September is going to bring and I know that what you guys are watching from all around the country. So some of you go back to school in August. We don't go back to school until after Labor Day. So, um, you can't wear white. I was doing really— see, I missed it. I was doing really, really good until the superintendent sent a letter, right, Seth? I was pretty calm until the letter. And we got a letter, and I kind of freaked out. —because it said that the kids had to wear a mask all day. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, what did you think was gonna happen? Well, what I thought was gonna happen was that they were going to figure out a way to keep our children 6 feet apart. I was living in my little naive bubble that I like to live in.

Denial. It's the river of Egypt.

Denial. That I was thinking they're gonna keep our kids in the classroom as much as they can. They're not gonna switch classes as much as they can. They're not gonna go to the cafeteria. They're gonna stay in one place and they're going to make it so that our kids are 6 feet apart and safe and they're not gonna need to wear a mask all day. Well, according to the letter, as of today, they're probably going to have to wear a mask all day.

A lot could change, you never know.

So some of you are thinking, good, I want my kids safe, I want them to wear a mask. I wanna tell you what I'm thinking. Not that. I'm right.

This is her personal opinion.

Right, this is just my opinion, and Seth, you're probably gonna have a different opinion, and I will ask you your opinion.

Different opinion from my wife.

So I freaked out with the letter, and Seth's response was, first of all, you don't know anything yet, it's July. They could change it. Which he's right, they could change it, we don't know.

What? On camera she said I was right, by the way.

You're right a lot of the time.

Oh my, the earth is gonna open up and swallow me whole right now. So second, Okay.

He says to me, "The kids are going to do what the kids are going to have to do." Like, this is not this huge deal that you have to freak out about. Right. They are more flexible than you. They are flexible. Kids are resilient. And I want to tell every single parent watching that kids follow our lead. Yes. My kids are watching me. They are listening right now. They're in the other room but they're listening to everything I'm saying. And if we don't make a big deal, if we go with the flow, if we say it'll be okay, if we wear a mask in public and show them that it's no big deal, if we are a good example, they are going to follow our lead. If we freak out, they will freak out. So bad, don't do it. Um, one of the first lessons that I learned was anxious parents have anxious children. Oh. So let's try to be calm. Let's try to be a good example. I am getting the thumbs up. Um, I am going— one of my goals is to, um, research masks. And I'm saying that because I want a mask for myself. Seth has no issues.

No, no issues with masks. I'm sure how you could tell them I have plenty of other issues, but I do not have issues with masks.

Kim agrees. And Joette says hi. Hi, guys. So, Seth can wear a mask, has no issues with having a mask. And I don't know, I think I need a better mask. If you— so, my friend told me to try an Adidas mask, and she said it's very breathable. So, I'm gonna order some Adidas masks to see if I feel like I'm breathing easier in that mask. And so, what I'm saying to you is that if you have a mask that you think is a fabulous mask that you can recommend, I would love to hear from you.

So let's, let's clarify that. Are you looking for a mask for comfort in your psychological feeling of I'm okay wearing this versus the max, the mask that has the maximum prevention of any said germs? Okay, so what is your— it sounds like your priority is okay comfort, which is okay because they don't work anyway.

So Joette says you're so right, thank you, and I lost— okay, Kim says I hate wearing it but no, I have to. Yes. So Kim, I'm with you. I don't enjoy wearing it. I don't think anyone enjoys it, but I wear it because I want to go to Wegmans and I want to leave the house. I don't want to be in my house constantly. So if I— I did that already. If I go somewhere, I put on a mask. I have a small face and adult sizes are too big. Yes, that is a problem. So we need these masks that are the right size. We need masks that are breathable. So I think, Seth, what you were asking me is what am I looking for as far as recommendations?

Yes, what are you looking for in a mask, Rebecca?

Okay, so what I'm looking for in a mask— so I sent Ella— Ella is going to theater camp this week, and I sent Ella to camp early in the morning. She gets there before 9, and I pick her up a little bit before 4. So she's there all day wearing a mask, which is excellent practice for probably what's to come in the fall.

She doesn't— as a good guinea pig for you to see that it is survivable.

Well, so she's surviving. She wasn't happy when I picked her up because they didn't go outside. And if they go outside, they get a break from the mask. And if they stay inside, they don't really get a break. Um, just want to say hi, joking for the first— joining for the first time. Joining for the first time. Thank you for joining. Um, Kate is joining us. We have lots of friends here. I'm trying to see everybody. Hello everybody. Thank you for joining. I'll get back to what I was saying.

Um, what are you looking for in a mask?

So I'm looking for something for me to send my kids to school for 6, 7 hours a day and for them to feel like it's easier to breathe in. So, um, I was told today that Adidas is good, so I'm gonna order Adidas and see if that's better.

Good in terms of feeling more breathable?

Feeling more breathable. I'd love something—

we're not giving medical advice, we have no expertise in this area whatsoever.

Yes, where my glasses wouldn't fog up. And you know what, um, "My mother-in-law's masks." I will talk to Ella for you, Garedith, but my mother-in-law has made masks that Ella is wearing every day, and I don't think her glasses are fogging up. So, Janine, if you're watching, she loves your mask and she wears it every day. So, I am curious, how are you feeling about them going to school and possibly wearing a mask all day? What do you have to say back here?

I don't have an issue with the masks, as you mentioned, and they got to do what they got to do. And if that means they got to suck it up and wear a mask, then suck it up and wear a mask. And how I feel about them going back to school is I think they need some type of physical school. I don't know if that's every day. I don't know if that's all day. I don't know what that looks like. That's not up to me. It's up to the school district superintendent, governor, all those people. Right? I don't actually get a vote in that department, but I think they definitely need to not do an entire year of Zoom. I think they need some physical interaction, even if it's 6 feet apart behind a plexiglass shield or whatever it is they're gonna do. I think they need to get out of the house and back to some crazy semblance of not— of abnormal that is better than being stuck on a laptop on Zoom.

I mean, I think for me, um, obviously we don't have a vote, as Seth said, but I would love to see some sort of hybrid schedule where the kids are in school part-time, they're virtual part-time, they're cleaning in between kids shuffling of who's coming to school and who's not coming to school. There's less kids in a classroom because we have done some sort of hybrid schedule. I am hopeful. I am not on the opening committee. I have no information. Do not listen to a word that I'm saying. I am making stuff up. I would like to see— Great disclaimer. Okay, this is what I would like for my family.

There you go.

I would like a hybrid schedule. I would like to see less kids in the classroom, um, at one time. At one time. I would like to see part-time at school, part-time at home. And switching. The hybrid model doesn't work when you have two working parents. Yes, okay. That's a whole separate issue. So Kim, I told Seth last week, I said, you know, for someone like me, so I'm home with the kids, so I don't stress about what it's gonna look like. However— As much. Well, so we'll make it work. Yes. We'll make it work. You have a flexible schedule most of the time. Yes, yes. And I'm home. Yes. So, um, I'm sorry, their comments are distracting you. Distracting me. Okay, so I understand that for me it's different than for everybody else. Kate says you cannot yawn back there.

That's got nothing to do with her.

She's fascinating. So I— my— so, so my heart goes out to all of the parents trying to figure out what on earth is going to happen with the schedule in the fall. Am I going to be able to go to work every day? What am I gonna do for childcare? I totally hear you, Kim, and the hybrid schedule is an issue for a two-parent working household. I also, Not only do I feel for all of the parents who I have talked to who are stressed and wondering what is looming over their head, what are they going to come up with, and quite frankly, you have all thought of this. I'm not saying anything you haven't thought of. If the kids go back to school, that does not mean that the school is staying open. So I'm not counting on anything. I'm trying to have very low expectations.

That's an excellent idea.

Low expectations is a good coping strategy. So low expectations like If the kids go back to school, it may be that they're in school in September and by October they've closed schools. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just know that it's hard for when you have two working parents. And I also—

You are a working parent, you just can work from home.

Um, all of my writing, etc., I do at home. And I want you to know that I have had to do a lot of it while Lily is asleep because trying to do it while Lily is awake has been very challenging. Luckily she sleeps later than you.

Um, and goes to bed earlier than you.

Thankfully she goes to bed earlier than me because I've been doing my best writing like at 10 o'clock at night. Right? Yes.

Very true.

Um, okay. Garedith says Monday and Tuesday, half of school. Wednesday disinfect. Thursday and Friday, other half disinfect again. Yes. Garedith, that's exactly what my vote is. I'm putting my vote in, not that anybody cares. Lancaster was thinking that model. Yes, so my mother told me, Garedith, that that is what Lancaster is doing, and I'm hoping that is what they're planning to do.

That is what they're planning. All of this is up in the air.

Um, I have heard through the grapevine that our superintendent wants the kids to go back every day, but again, it's rumors. Um, go back to school and wear masks, Joette says. I know. I know I'm concerned that, um, wearing a mask all day is not good for our kids. Me personally, that's my concern. No medical knowledge whatsoever. I'm not a doctor.

Do not play one on TV.

I have to do research on the safety of wearing it.

It is not going to matter anyway, right? We don't get a vote. You're either sending— either if that's the rule, you're either sending them there or you're pulling them and homeschooling.

For many mental health reasons. So I'm worried about mental health. Yes. I'm definitely— I'm worried about the kids' mental health. I'm worried about the parents' mental health. I'm worried about the teachers' mental health. I'm worried about the parents. My friend was just writing on my page that she's doing work at 2 AM because her kids are home. So I feel for her. Sweet Home is considering too. Yup, yup, yup. Okay, so a district in Syracuse area is doing an AABB schedule. For grades K through 8 and virtual for high school. So yeah, I've heard about that in Delaware and some other states. So I was expecting the older kids to be home doing virtual learning, and I was expecting the younger kids to go back to school, um, just based on things I've heard through the grapevine. But I think they're trying to make it so that everybody can go back to school. And, um, I would love to see my kids go back to school, but, um, I don't know, just keep keep everybody safe. I know that everybody's worried about the kids going back to school. I know they're worried about everybody's mental health. I think that first and foremost, everybody's worrying about keeping everybody healthy. I realize that the mental health issues are just as important. Georgia is going all virtual in August and we're nowhere near as bad as New York. I have to tell you, I have heard so many people tell me that their schools are already planning for virtual. So I am shocked. That we are planning to go back to school, but are our numbers better? Maria is saying our numbers aren't better. Tucson is—

A lot can happen in a month and a half.

They're doing 100% virtual. So here's the other question that I have been asking people. What happens when a teacher gets sick? What happens when a student gets sick? Do you know how many viruses are out there for our children? Um, the stomach flu, the regular flu, COVID. How do we know when our kid has the sniffles that they don't have COVID? So how is the school going to determine? I guess we're going to have testing. Lots of testing is going to have to happen. But my other concern is that these kids are going to have symptoms and everybody is going to be so scared every time a child has any sort of symptom.

No sniffles, no sneezes.

So So again, in my, in my little naive world that I like to live in, I like to think that the school is going to be so clean that nobody's going to get sick.

For the first time in history.

Florida is either 100% virtual or 100% in school. So you have to pick is what you're saying, Amy.

Excellent coin flip.

Amy, I saw your text. I'm going to text you back after this. Does Williamsville not have a plan available yet? Clarence's plan is on the website and is updated. We had a Google Meet with the superintendent. Our superintendent said that we can't social distance and keep all of the kids in school. There isn't room in the building, so it'll be hybrid or learning from home. Um, yes, the school needs to post a plan by July 30th. A parent will give ibuprofen for a fever before school and they are sick and we won't know, so This has been my biggest complaint for years and years and years. Parents, I understand that you have to go to work. I have had working parents yell at me about this. They— I'm not saying it's just working parents. Stay-at-home parents, part-time working parents, I don't know who does this. People will give their kids medicine, send them to school, and infect the whole class. So please don't do that. Please, I'm begging you. Do not send your sick kids to school. Um, Amy is on the planning committee. Amy, do not fall over when I tell you this, but I did not volunteer to be on the planning committee. Do not fall over. I did not volunteer. Um— I'm so proud of you. Um, when I don't volunteer for something, Seth, um, I have to tell Seth once or twice because he doesn't believe me. Very true. I'm not sure that it was the right decision not to be on the planning committee.

You're all right, you've survived.

I'm trying to put trust into other people, other people, the administrators and the teachers, to come up with something to, to keep everybody safe and to keep everybody's mental health as sane as possible. I agree with Seth, it's too soon to say. So much has changed in a month, we should wait another month and reevaluate.

Awesome, we'll be back in a month.

Completely and 100% agree, because I'm sorry, but the day before school, the governor could put the kibosh on school, and I probably shouldn't put that out there.

You probably should not. It's gonna be all your fault.

I will tell you that a lot of people really, really want their kids to go back to school. I don't disagree. I think he's first in line. I will tell you that our school district, our administrators, our teachers are amazing. And I do not do them justice at home. And I cannot help my soon-to-be 6th grader and 8th grader with their work. The soon-to-be 3rd grader is lucky if I can help her.

I do my best. We're talking about the math, just to be clear. Well, yes. Right? Social studies is not tricky.

Yes, but even, like, I took Spanish for years and years and years, and Max's Spanish homework, I was like, I was like calling my friend. I was like, you know, you have to help him. I can't do Spanish. This is hard. Spanish and math. So Spanish and math, I don't know. I think I could help with most other things, but I don't do their teachers justice. So yes, I would love to see them with their teachers. My kids did not mind the virtual learning. They have told me this. They are not going to be completely upset if it has to be virtual learning. but as their parents, we think it's better for them to be with their teachers. Um, wish the district would have included aides, clerks, typists, custodians, cafeteria workers, and bus drivers on that committee. Um, 100% agree. Kelly, it's always math. It's always math. I think I need your phone number. Maybe I have your phone number. It's always math. It's the hardest. Kate says, only in your wildest dreams, Garedith, would that happen. So sad. Um, I agree with you, Meredith. I think that, um, they should have included more people on the committee. Hopefully they're going to do a good job.

Maybe everybody should be on the committee and— oh, but they can't have that many people in a room. Hopefully can't have a gathering that big. Are they doing it in person?

I thought it was Zoom. It might be on Zoom. I don't know. Um, Jen, are you watching? Is it on Zoom or is it in person? I'll ask my friend. So I think that in conclusion— takeaways— Seth and I would love our kids to go back to school. We would love for everybody to stay safe. We would love for the masks to be easy to wear all day. Would be nice to start school to meet and develop rapport and learn. Um, yes, okay, so Joette makes an excellent point. Um, we would like our kids to go to school, see other students, get rapport with their teachers before anything is shut down.

Yes, as I said, when we went back to— when I went back to work at our offices, I said if there's going to be another spike and we're going to get forced to work from home again, I'd like to get a couple months in at the office before that happens. Yes, yes.

So Amy says the meetings are on Zoom. Okay, okay. So Amy, we will talk more Thank you everyone for your thoughts. Thank you for joining us. If you have an easily breathable mask, please comment. Ella Bella! Where is Ella? You're in there listening to every word I say, Dolly. Come on down. Can you smile? Thank you for watching Winnie the Pooh Wednesday with the Green Family. Where's Lily? Cha-cha chicken! Cha-cha chicken! Thank you for watching. See you next week.