Whinpaluza podcast episode 001 part 2: the book

Yeah, it's only a 2-door.

I mean, I, I do think that you just have to get your checklist and just narrow it down to like 4, and then live with things you can't live without, right? And you know what, in 3 years there's some other new thing going to come out that will not— your needs will change. And, um, the beauty of this is that you can—

excellent point—

you can reinvent yourself 3 years from now. And there really is not a wrong answer. All safety ratings are basically the same. You know, brand new is brand new, it's going to be better than what you have now, you're always going to upgrade.

Yes.

So, you know, there'll be a blog about this.

Yeah, the evolution of decision-making and motherhood.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh my God, absolutely. And I, and I used to be worse. I've learned a lot. I used to be worse. Should I stay on that or should I move on? Next question. It was what made you laugh. Does anyone have anything, or should I move on?

I have yogurt with Kristen.

Yes, I really like the, the back and forth. We're gonna, we're gonna call it Seth's— we're gonna call it Seth Segments. That sounds kind of fun.

Segments with Seth.

Segments with Seth.

It's like what Ellen comes up with on her show.

Um, segment is your friend corny? Yes, yes, yes.

If it sucks, if it's Seth's voice, maybe Seth should come up with a Marketing terminology.

He likes it. He likes it. Okay, what made you cry?

Oh, I know. So, I read the book and kept reading and reading.

I'm like, "Do they have any pets?

What's going on here?" So you really didn't really address the pet situation until sort of the end quarter. And, you know, I know that pets play a huge part in most families' lives and I just, I would have liked to have read more about the kids' interactions with the cats before when you had Hope and not learn about Hope, you know, toward the end when you were being introduced to Faith and Joy and Tanner too. I still remember those moments talking to you about Hope and about your thought process during that really hard time. And I know that was an emotional time. It still is, continues to be an emotional time, but that was the hardest for me because I, you know, I've lived it myself, I've lived it with you.

Yes, it's hard.

And it's something that just, you know, especially how it relates to Max and his needs.

Yes.

You put his needs before Seth's needs.

Yes, I did. I did.

That sort of encapsulates the entire definition of motherhood, putting the child's needs before your needs, before the other parent's needs, before the needs of anyone else. Outside of the family. And I think that is a huge, huge lesson because you did the right thing. And I promised you 100 times that I waited 3 years, and that didn't work.

I didn't want him to be sad for 3 years. But I want to address your question because I can answer that question. Um, we had 3 old cats. They were elderly. And the 2— when I met Seth, he had 2 boys, and the boys were Seth's cats. I mean, they loved me, but they were all about their daddy, and they were attached to him, and Hope was mine, and Hope was all about me. And they did not bond to our kids. They were our pets, and there wasn't— they didn't want a ton of interaction from the kids, and they had their people. The boys loved their daddy, and Hope loved her mommy. And when they passed, it was a totally different situation because Max picked our cats, and the cats bonded to Seth. Seth and they didn't— you're shaking your head. Well, talk. You can talk. The cats—

Faith and Joy bonded to Max.

I just said that, honey.

You didn't.

You said they bonded to Seth and they didn't bond to me.

Okay, so Max picked Faith and Joy, and the cats became Max's cats. He picked them. He came up with their names. They were all about Max. They love me, but they didn't— but Seth wasn't ready. He didn't bond with them, and he was feeling sad. So he was like, it's time to get a dog. It's time to get a buddy for me. He just listened after I begged you for 15 years. Okay. He was ready. Okay. So he was ready. He was ready. And he, and he went with me and loved Tanner. And then he went himself, got Tanner, brought Tanner home and wanted that like alone bonding time because he needed a buddy. And guess what? He is Seth's buddy. I mean, he loves all of us, but the cats just— it's interesting when you have kids and you get pets when you have kids versus when you get pets before kids. So those were our before-kids pets that just loved their parents. So maybe that's why I didn't give them enough book time.

Well, it deserves— the topic itself does deserve Yes. Or analysis.

Yes.

Because it's a huge important part of the—

I'm writing that down.

Growing up.

Yes.

And you see now how Tanner has evolved your family into this new active family of doing different, different types of activities.

Yes.

And how the cats and the interactions and it's just a whole— their personalities come out and I feel like it's a definite moment of growth. Yes. And it should be, and I think that a lot of people people don't realize what animals do for their—

So maybe we can write a blog together.

Oh yes, I have chapters.

Okay, let's do it. Maybe we can add some more pet stuff.

I think it's a good sidebar.

I—

well, it does a lot for our families, right? So we can relate.

But it's also, you know, mental health, you know, physical well-being, um, you know, it does a lot. It says a lot to speak to your profession.

Yes.

In terms of being a tool.

Yes, you're 100% right.

Caitlin, what about you? I was just gonna say that there's a big difference, first of all, between cats and dogs.

Yes.

Cats are very— they play favorites. There's no doubt about it.

Yes.

Dogs are just like, give me attention, all right, I'm happy. And if you have cats and then have children, it's very disruptive to them because they were your kids.

Yes, they were.

There's not going to be that bonding.

Yes.

I mean, Very rarely, I would think, that would occur unless it was a kitten when you have the kids.

Yes.

Whereas a dog, I think that they can kind of develop that relationship over time. So that completely makes sense that the cats before kids have never bonded with children once they came.

Yes, they tolerated.

Yeah.

It's more like, "Ooh-ooh." What, did anything—

did anything make you cry in the book? You can say no.

Not crying. But I just, I found it very touching, and I hope that you know, both of you, how lucky you are to have like a true partnership when it comes to raising the kids, as every husband's different in what they see as their contribution to the family unit. And I think Seth is more hands-on in a different manner of like getting down in the trenches and, you know, just like telling you, go, I got the kids. Like, not everybody does that.

It's true. It's very—

it was very touching to see that there's, you know, not that dads who don't do that aren't good, but it's just different. It seems like a very different dynamic than, you know, some people have.

And I like—

Jesse's a good father and he gets down in the trenches, but I don't think it would ever occur to him to be like, I'll hear— I'll see 'Go on, you relax, you need a break.' Like, that's never really dawned on him. It's just more like, 'It's our job to do this and you just get through it.' Yeah, you make an excellent point.

I think that Seth's dad gave me a blessing and he doesn't realize it, and I should thank him because he was never home. And so it affected Seth and he wanted his dad home. So he was like, 'I'm not going to do that to my kids. I'm going to make sure I'm home more.' than my dad was. And his dad was just trying to provide and was working a couple jobs and wasn't being a bad dad. He was trying to make money.

Yeah.

So he doesn't realize he gave me a gift. So I should tell him.

Jesse grew up without a dad and his mom did everything. So I think that maybe that's just how he developed that sense of like, the mom does everything. Like she works two jobs and takes care of everything. But I don't know. Yeah, it's just, it was really touching.

Thank you. So sweet. I appreciate you, Mr., uh, manager over there.

I have to say what made me cry.

Yes, I was going to ask you.

No, that was different.

Okay, tell us what made you cry.

Um, Max's bar mitzvah. Oh, it ties in family and your traditions within your religion, but it's also him coming of this age and this moment in time that he has to go through and would go through, but all your planning around it and then the pandemic hits and then you're on Zoom and it's just unfolding in front of us and you had a vision of that day, but yet it became something different and it went so well. But it also makes you realize what's important and what's not important.

Yes.

Like for that day.

That's an excellent point.

And that you guys were just all together and all like could see each other was just, it really hits home.

Thank you. I'm glad Zoom decided to work that day. She's gonna make me cry. I'm not gonna look at her.

Oh.

Um, is there anything that you learned that you can apply to parenting Pray. I do pray a lot. I do pray a lot.

I love your little prayers.

You like my prayers?

I do.

I like when you started shifting into the lessons learned. Yes. At the end.

Yes.

Because I think you should take every challenge and thing that comes up, whether it was difficult or really enjoyable, and kind of evaluate it and say, okay, what can I take away from this?

Yes.

Like, I need to calm down, things aren't that big of a deal. You could tie it in with the permits, but like, take away all the frills and the partying and the—

and we were healthy, yep, yeah.

You still, like, at the core of it, you were able to do what was most important.

Yes, right.

That was to have that ceremony, to have family be present for it even though they were distant.

Yes.

So I really liked that. Um, also So it made me feel like I need to be more proactive about trying to make memories with my kids, especially now that they're older and don't want to do that.

I know, I know, I understand.

I saw Lexi for 5 seconds yesterday.

I get it, literally. I get it.

She went to bed before I got to say good night, so I just, I need to like—

Teenagers are a whole different ball of wax. I dragged him to to the sculpture park.

It's easier to do when they're little kids, like, "We're just gonna do this with you. We're gonna do this." And they complain, but at least they did it with you.

Especially teenagers that drive.

Oh my God, it's unreal.

And can come and go, come and go. Go to work, go to school, come back, go out with their boyfriend, come back.

Oh, it gets worse.

Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.

They're going to be contributing to, and they're going to be having a say in what, what you're doing. What's important to them and what's important to you might not be the same, so you have to find that middle ground.

And you also have to listen to them.

Yes.

Listen to your instincts, but also listen to them.

Yes.

Like, dragging any amount of children into Walmart is a definite no-no.

That was hilarious.

Number one, you did that.

That was hilarious.

Seth also permitted this to happen.

Um, I did that many more times than I wrote about, to many more stores.

Because that to me is a deal breaker.

Because, well, you know what, because I, this is, this is my thought process. We're gonna go as a family and we're gonna go shopping and it's gonna be great. And then I'm like, Seth is like, why do you do this?

I do think it makes for good TV or good vlogging. Oh. But I think for your own mental state, probably.

Maybe not so much.

So much more you could do with that time that if you wanted to zip in and zip out, or even just go in and just go up and down every aisle but without the aggravation. Yeah, I think you're right. A lot of aggravation for yourself in the light of trying to make fun of it. Yeah, not make fun of it, but make it fun for family time. Family time. There's a list of things that family time—

you can do for family time, and a list of things that's not fun Yeah, but I think we can all relate to the Walmart trips because with the little kids, like, you're going to buy a bike and Max is like, "Are you buying all the stuff that she's throwing in the cart?" And you're like, "Oh, just go with it." Every time you take her out, she fills the shopping cart up with whatever.

And I just learned to just ignore her. I just ignored her. I just would ignore her. And then I would start, as she would put it in, I would just start taking it out and she was so oblivious to what I was doing.

But I think there's, you know, there's times to take them and there's times that—

yes, yes, yes. You're good, you're good at that pressure from yourself.

And you have here with just one kid.

Well, it is, yeah. And you have, you know, do it at times when Seth is home or your parents can watch them or they're at a friend's house playing or whatever the case, just to make it easier on yourself.

Well, now it's much easier because now it's who wants to go to Target with me, who wants to go to Wegmans with me, and it's usually not me. Yep, not me. And I'm like, okay, bye. And I can just leave Max with them now because, you know, I'm in a different stage of life. When I started writing that, they were like tiny. So like the blogs now are totally different. But I wanted to tell you that it started to be a joke in my house. So when Max had his foot injury and he was crying hysterically and he wouldn't stop, and I was like— Which one? Which one?

Right?

And I was like this, like pulling my hair, and Ella was like, "Wineypalooza!" And I was like, she just made me laugh and I was like, "Oh my God, I can write about this." So it started to be a joke that when things were really stressful, I was like, "Okay, this is good. I'm gonna write about it. I'm gonna learn about it. It's gonna be great." Thank you for reading my book. Thank you for being my book club. Thank you for being my first podcast. And this was so fun. I had no idea what to expect and I had the best time.