Whinypaluza Live: Comparing Ourselves To Others

Can I see your phone?

Hello everyone. Um, Ella, before you sing, it's not Wednesday. Happy Winey Palooza!

Happy Winey Palooza!

No, we're not— um, we didn't discuss this. How much is Happy Winey Palooza? Can you try to— try to improv? Improv, Ella, improv! Okay, come on, actress!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza livestream with the Green Family.

That was pretty good. Cha-cha-cha.

I knew you could do it. I knew you could do it. Thank you so much. So listen, um, I'm gonna have you close us out and pick a winner, okay? All right, so stay close. Oops, now I see why you don't like this couch.

Right, you're now sitting in the part that needs replacing.

Um, yeah, this couch is falling apart.

Well, we replaced the other one, this one will go next.

So yes, family room couch was replaced, now it's time for the playroom couch. Hello everyone, how is everyone doing today? Um, yeah, lots going on in the greenhouse tonight, so Just so that everyone knows, um, for the month of May we have major soccer on Wednesdays, usually out of town-ish. So because of that, we are going to probably go live every Thursday for the month of May, because if I'm going to continue to be authentic and real with you all, I do not want to figure out this whole technology setup that my master producer has figured out. And I kind of like having him around.

And then you don't want me co-hosting from the car or driving. So he, my crazy husband, is like, oh, click the StreamYard button so we know who you are.

Facebook user. So you can probably figure it out on my phone if you don't mind. Producing.

It's Kristen Ziopa.

Hi, Kristen. Kristen had a crazy day today. So I have no idea what I was saying.

Oh, you don't want me doing it from the car?

No, my crazy husband was like, well, on the way home, Max can hold the phone and point it at me while I'm driving, while I'm driving, and I can join you. And I gave him a big thumbs down and vetoed that idea. So here we are on Thursday nights. Yes, I am sorry to throw you off and confuse you. This will still be shared next Wednesday on my podcast. We are live right now tonight on Facebook in multiple places. Yes, that he has— and YouTube streamed it. So our topic today is comparing ourselves to others. And the reason why I landed on this topic was because I realized that my stress was surrounded by this, and I felt like if I was being stressed by this, that other people were being stressed by this too. So I wanted to share my experiences and give you some ways to avoid this pitfall. So I started paying attention to what was bringing me down, because we don't want to feel down, and we want to feel figure out ways to be in a good state every day. At least I do. So I have this fabulous podcast that I'm enjoying and meeting all of these amazing women, women doing so much who are inspiring me, teaching me, um, just such a joy to talk to. I'm just— I'm having the best time. So there's so many good factors to this. The bad factor, the trap that I was falling into was I was hearing the ginormous amount. Is that a word?

You can make up your own words. Ginormous is not a word. I've heard it before. So you're not the first person to make it up. You can say enormous. Just throw ginormous on it.

So I was, I'm following a lot of women who are like-minded individuals, marital experts, family experts, parenting experts, and they're doing so many good things. They're doing podcasts, they're doing blogs, they're doing vlogs, they're doing counseling, they're doing group counseling, they're doing individual counseling, they're doing courses, they're doing summits. Um, what am I forgetting? There's more, there's so much more. And they're doing text counseling, they're doing so many creative, innovative things that are inspiring me. And yet my my brain was swirling in this place and I realized I was landing in this, I'm not enough, I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough, I'm not enough. And I realized that that's what was like sucking the happiness from me. And I was like, how come I'm not feeling happy? Well, you're comparing yourself to other women and making yourself feel bad. And that wasn't working for me. So I'm going to tell you how I am going to fix this and you are going to fix this if you are having similar issues. The other thing that I noticed, the other pattern that poor Seth can't stand is I walked into my friend's house and I was like, oh my gosh, your house is so clean. There's no—

I'm going to go to all of your friends' houses and mess them all up and then have you come back and I'm going to trash the place and you're going to feel better.

That's not coming for you. No, that's not nice. That's not nice. He's not gonna do that.

I'm not.

Okay, so no vandalism. So my friend's house was all clean and spotless, and there was no clutter and no papers and no toys on the floor. And I was like, oh, that must be so nice.

If you kick the kids and the pets out, you're all set. It will make you clean.

So I came home and I was like, um, some of my friends have like really spotless houses. And I'm just so perplexed. And Seth is like, well, first of all, it's not fair playing ground.

It's not apples to apples.

He's like, if I want you to think of someone who has 3 kids our kids' ages, who has a golden retriever and 2 cats, and then you can compare your house to their house. And of course he made me laugh, which he's great at doing. And he's right. He's right. If you don't have pets, you have an advantage already because I spend so much time cleaning up the hair in my house. That's advantage number one. Number two is Miss Lilybug, who is 8 years old and walks around leaving messes everywhere. Oh, look at this! What did she set up in here?

It looks like there's quite a little setup in the playroom.

So whatever, she keeps herself busy, but she makes lots of messes and she needs to clean them up. So I will work on that. But anyways, comparing myself to others, not good, not good. And as I was writing this, I stumbled upon Kelly Hutchison's podcast, Harmony in the Home. What was the title of it? I think it was Comparison is the Thief of Joy from, I think, Teddy Roosevelt. Coined the phrase, but the title of her podcast was Comparison is the Thief of Joy, and I went, oh wow, we're on the same page. So I listened to her podcast, which I strongly recommend, it's a great podcast, and she talked about the 7 F's of Oola, and she said these are the 7 F's to pay attention to. Field, which is work, fun, friends, faith, family, fitness. So those are the 7. I think I did all 7. Am I missing one?

You wrote fitness twice.

I know, because one of them is finance. Fitness and finance makes more sense. 7 Fs of Oola. So it's what area do you tend to compare yourself in? And that is the area to work on. So for me, if I'm comparing myself to others with field, work, then I have goals to make for myself around work. So I thought that the 7 F's of Oola was super cool to learn about. So what steps am I taking on my journey to stop comparing myself to other people? Because it wasn't working for me. So first I said, I am on my own path. This is my own journey. This is my own path. Let's stay on my path.

We're all on our own path.

We're all on our own path. And let's compare ourselves. Let's compare myself to myself. So when you're making a comparison, compare yourself to yourself. And where were you last year?

Yeah, one of my favorite Michael Jordan quotes is, life is knowing the toughest competition you'll ever face is yourself.

Yes, yes, I love that. And I think it's so true. And I think about where I started and where I am now and all of the work I have done and all of the stuff I did build. What about the person who has been talking about writing a book and hasn't written a book? Like I said, you know, this is how I was talking to myself, trying to reframe it. You're on your own journey. You wrote your first book. You're working on your second book. You have your own goals. Keep making your own goals and stay on your own path and don't worry about other people's paths. And use other people's paths to inspire me instead of make me feel bad about myself.

Melissa and Patty say hi.

Hi. What makes you jealous? Pay attention to what makes you jealous in those 7 F's that I told you about. And one of the things that I noticed is, um, don't yell at me. Is that on Facebook, which can be really great, but can cause stuff like what I'm about to say. Yeah, I will say, oh, they're in Hawaii. I want to go to Hawaii. Oh, they're in Florida. They're in Disney World. So if— pay attention to what makes you jealous, because that's a nudge for you to make a goal for yourself around it. So if I'm feeling like I need a vacation, or or need is not the right word.

You desire a vacation.

If I'm feeling—

You really, you do need a vacation. Let's be, if we're being honest, you do need a vacation.

Every single one of you watching this right now or who will watch or listen in the future, we all need a vacation. We all need a tropical drink and a vacation. I'm just saying.

Yep.

So I would love to hear where you would like to go. So comment and give me some ideas. Because I need a vacation, want a vacation, desire a vacation. We don't really— you said I need a vacation.

You need a vacation. She does. She really does.

So I guess when you're feeling jealous of something, I guess I want us to all reframe it to, okay, so this is a little nudge for me that I need to develop a goal around this. If I'm feeling jealous that someone is running a marathon, which I'm never going to be jealous of, it's just an example, then it's time for me to start training to run a marathon. If I'm jealous of someone's house, then it's time to start saving for a new house.

Or cleaning more. Or kicking the kids and the pets out. All those are up for debate.

Perspective. Changing my perspective. And this, you know, what I always go back to my job going into people's homes was one of the greatest gifts that I gave myself. Um, before children, for those of you who don't know, I was working with families whose children had behavior problems, and I had the, the luxury of actually working with them in their homes. And when you walked into these homes, it really gave you so much gratefulness and thankfulness for your life. I mean, a third family with 13 children living in a one-bedroom apartment will always hold a special place in my heart because I felt for them and they didn't really know any better. And, um, it will just always make me feel grateful to go back and think about the kids playing with the hose and that was the toy that they had to play with. So putting things in perspective, I'm pretty lucky and we're all pretty blessed with with what we do have, with the houses we do have, and the cars that we get to drive. And, you know, some families can't afford a car. So putting things into perspective always, always makes us feel better. You're nodding, you agree.

Amen.

We need to remember something. This is something that I will try to keep bringing up. We only see people's highlight reels.

It's a good way to put it.

And I will tell you that people there are people like me, and I don't know if I'm doing it enough, who really try their hardest to be authentic and real on social media. And, you know, I think that there's a fine line because I want to be real. I don't want to complain. I don't want to be annoying. I don't want to be negative, but I want to be real. And I want you to know that I have this picture of my 3 children that I made them take, that Max and Oliver were like, really, Mom? Really? You need a picture of everything. And then I'm like, smile. So, you know, I love the family who posts a family picture and says, everyone was crying right before this picture, but here's my picture. So we think that these families, you know, Max said to me at dinner right now, you know, Mom, you think that every— he said, every mom thinks that every other family is perfect. Yeah, and I don't know where he learned that or got that from, but no family is perfect and everyone has their stuff. And, you know, we just have to remember we're only seeing what people are choosing to tell us and show us. We don't really know what's going on behind closed doors. So remember that. Focus on our own strengths. It's interesting because Lily and I talked about this the other day because, you know, she has— I was telling her You have such a gorgeous voice. You know, I don't. Yes, you do. Have you heard me sing?

I have. You do have a shower.

That is so funny. Ella and actually Max has a good voice too, doesn't he, Seth? We heard him sing for his bar mitzvah. Yes. So I believe— now I'm biased because I'm their mother.

Yes.

But I think I do know what they're not good at. I believe that all 3 of my children have a beautiful singing voice and they get it from their father. They do not get that from me. So I said to Lily, like, you have your strengths. You're good at drawing. You're good at singing. You know, you're good at the stuff. You're good at dancing. I'm like, other people have different strengths because she's like, you know, I'm so bad at math. And I'm like, you're not so bad at math. I'm like, you're really good at— do they call it ELA in elementary school?

I think so.

I don't know what they call it in elementary school. I'm like, you're really good at reading and writing and you really enjoy it. Maybe you don't enjoy math as much, but you're not bad at it. So just kind of realizing that my strength might not be someone else's strength, you know. I start my day with gratitude every single day and I wake up and I start to think about everything that I'm thankful for, and it puts me in a good state. And I'm starting to, like, when I crawl down a different path of negativity, like, oh my God, there's so much to do, or my job is never ending, or, you know, um, I'm thinking of, you know, oh geez, I'll never do enough, I'll never be enough, or any, you know, any of the negative thoughts that go off in my head, I'm, I'm starting to automatically switched myself to the gratitude and the thankfulness. You know, think about everything that you do do. Think about everything that you have done this year. And, and giving myself more praise and appreciation for the things that I do do and not always thinking, well, I haven't done this yet and I haven't done that yet. So there's room for everyone to succeed and I, you know, I just want us to all celebrate everyone's successes, and there's room for everyone. There's room for a million counselors. I can't tell you how many people have said to me that they're on a waiting list for a counselor. I have had people say, when are you going back to it? Because there's a waitlist everywhere. So there's plenty of room for everyone to succeed. And I root everybody on. I want you all to succeed. And I want all these women that I'm talking about to succeed. And Seth is the king of ideas. He's the marketing man. He's the, you know, it's time to develop a course. It's time to finish your second book. When are you going to finish it? He's good at goals. He's good at what are you doing next? I also have to realize what, what am I going to focus on right now and what I— and realize that what I'm doing is enough. And, you know, you understand we're all busy. All of us are busy and we have to determine what we want to spend our time on. And I don't know that Seth is going to agree with me right now. We have talked about this before, but my mom said to me a long time ago, work will always be there. And Seth is like, no, no, no, they deserve you to counsel them now, not later. But I will tell you that my kids, it's going by so fast. And, you know, I was just talking to one of my friends today about our boys are 14 years old, and I'm like trying to digest the fact that in 4 years he could fly, you know. And it's just, it's, it's going super speed, and I would like to see time slow down, and I want to enjoy my kids, and I don't want to spend spend all day every day focusing on work, and I want to make time for my kids. Oh, I agree with that. Well, when I brought this up to you last time, you said, no, no, no, people deserve to have you helping them now.

Okay, that's true, they do, but you have to want to and be ready.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, do you have anything you want to add about comparing yourself to other people?

I do not. I think you did a great job covering it. I got some good pointers from that.

Do you fall into that trap?

I do sometimes. I do not compare myself to the cleanliness of others' houses.

It was just an example.

You do do that, and I do not have that issue at all. Um, I have other issues in other of the Fs. Um, so yeah, I do do that. I try to do some of the things that you suggested, and I got some new ideas of things I hadn't thought of to try.

Awesome, awesome. I would love to hear from you guys. I would love to hear what you do to avoid falling into this trap. I would love to hear topic requests. I actually got a couple really great ideas from friends today, but I love to hear from you. Please tell me topics that you loved and want more of, topics that you think would be helpful to you. Um, I have a super special podcast airing tomorrow. Are you getting Ella?

Yes.

Okay. Um, I have a super special podcast airing tomorrow with my mother. It is a Mother's Day special. Um, so, um, thankful that she was willing to do it with me and really, really enjoyed it. So Mom, if you watch or listen to this, thank you for doing that with me. I really appreciated it. I know, um, it's not your thing, but it was so much fun and I learned a lot and you can listen to it tomorrow morning. So I hope you will listen. And so we're gonna screw up without Daddy. I'm already screwing up the technology without Seth. We lost Seth. So Ella, sit down on your butt so that things stop falling. Okay, so Ella is here to pick a contest winner from the May challenge. The 5-day May challenge was Parenting Wins. So if you commented all 5 days on your wins, you were entered to win a $50 gift card to Spruce on Main. If you are out of state, then I will mail you something from Spruce. And I can't wait to go and buy your gift card and shop. And, um, I have discovered something through these challenges. I have discovered that what I have been doing for the last— has it been 3?

Yes.

So it's been 3 months, 3 challenges. And what I've been doing is saying that you have to participate every 5 days to be entered. We had so many entries. So thank you so much. But only 4 people, only 4 people did all 5 days.

So you got to be consistent to persevere.

No, no, no, no, no. I have a new way that I'm going to do this for June. So in June, I am changing this based on the participation in the last 3 months. And for you, I am changing to make it work better for you, and you will get an entry into the contest every time that you participate. Participate.

So if you participate all 5 days, you've got 5 entries. So if you follow directions precisely, you got more chances to win. We're going to incentivize it, baby.

I think I speak that. Requiring people commented, and I loved— I mean, this was lifting me up every day. These challenges are working for me in that they're so uplifting, and you feel, um, like you're not alone. So, um, I am sorry that there were only 4 people who did all 5 days, but I appreciate all the comments and all the effort. And next month we will do it different. So let's get a winner. Stir it up, stir it up, stir it up. They can't really see what you're doing.

She stirred it up.

Who'd you get? Oh, okay, can you guys see? Danielle Alba, you are the winner! You are the winner, Danielle! We are excited for you. Thank you for participating all 5 days. We will bring you your gift card. So thank you so much. Ella, wrap us up, baby.

Thank you for watching the Whiny Palooza livestream with the Green family.

Cha-cha-chicken!

Thanks everyone, have a good week.