Whinypaluza - My kids are losing their social skills!

Hello everyone! Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday! Ella Bella Boo!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family!

Chow chow chicken!

Thank you, honey!

And be the Winey Palooza sidekick!

My sidekick is here! It feels really funny calling you that.

It's a hard-earned title, baby. I work to be— I work, work for it to be the sidekick.

Okay, um, we're not gonna scream because hopefully Lily is asleep. Lily is exhausted. Oh my gosh, have you been drinking?

No, but I'm gonna start.

So our topic tonight, we have enlisted Ella. So Lily was tired and cranky. Max is upstairs gaming. Hi, Melinda's here! Melinda, I miss you! Heart. So Max is upstairs gaming with his friends. Lily is cranky and falling asleep. And we have one green child left with us.

So—

and then there was one. So she's gonna help because this topic is— ah, this is a hard topic. So my topic this week is, "My children are losing their social skills." And Ella, I want you to know that I'm being super dramatic when I say that. Oh, okay. I don't think that you have no social skills. I'm concerned about situations right now. Okay? So we're going to dive into some stuff. And if you move a tiny bit towards Danny, they might be able to see your beautiful face. Eee! So, we were warned that school was going to look different. Now you all know, if you have been watching me at all, you know that I was like, "My kids need school!" Being on the computer all day is not Ella's favorite thing. Some kids are doing okay with it, and I— power to them. Ella, would you agree with me when I say that you like learning better in the classroom?

Yeah, it's just easier to learn and more effective. Effective for me.

Okay, so you know that I was jumping up and down when they said that Max and Ella could go back to school 2 days a week. So I still feel that way. However, we were warned that school was gonna look differently, and the 2 things that are concerning to me— concern number 1 is the kids are sitting alphabetical in the lunchroom. Correct, Ella? At individual desks.

I think it's alphabetical. I'm not 100% sure.

I'm pretty sure it's alphabetical.

But you are not sitting near anybody.

Not really.

I mean, I'm by people. I just don't know them.

Seth says, um, Derek. Seth says, Derek said— oh my God, where's Derek? Derek says, hi, Mr. Shark.

Does that mean she's Mrs. Shark?

Am I, Derek? Am I Mrs. Shark? Can I be Mrs. Shark?

So I would happily marry you again, Mrs. Sharp.

Okay, so I would have liked— I understand that they're sitting at individual desks for safety reasons. I totally understand. I'm not like throwing the school under the bus. I know that they're following the governor's orders. I know that they're doing the best that they can, but they have the kids all sitting at individual desks, and I would have liked— and I will talk about this, you know, I, I'm kicking myself for not bringing this up. We just had a PTA meeting And I missed the PTA meeting because I screwed up the time, and I didn't get to talk about my concern, which is I would have liked if the kids could have chosen which individual desk they were sitting at. And Ella was sitting next to a little girl who you were talking to, and she went to a different school. Is that correct? Yeah. So I said to Ella, what do you do during lunch? And do you remember what you said to me?

What do you do during lunch?

Oh, I look out the window and enjoy the mask break. That's what I did.

That's what she said. So I'm like, so Ella, this— this girl sits.

They did not replace the little girl who left.

So there's an empty desk next to her. So I did, you know, don't get mad, but I did tell the school— don't get mad. Ella, don't—

You can't help yourself, can you?

Don't get mad, Ella. So I just want someone to sit next to her. Just put a friend next to her. So she says—

Did you tell them who you would like to sit next to Ella?

No.

Did you reshuffle the entire lunchroom?

No, no, but I would like to suggest that the kids choose which desk that they sit at, and I understand for tracing purposes that they have to stay at a certain desk, but I would like the kids to choose where they sit. And so I said to Ella, "What are you doing during lunch if like the girl isn't there anymore and the desk next to you is empty?" And she says, "I look out the window and I enjoy my mask break." And I'm like, "Oh, okay, so that's great." However, what did I do What did I do for you, Ella? Do you remember?

You left me word puzzles.

So she comes home and she's like, "Mommy, thank you so much for putting the word puzzle in my lunch and giving me something to do." I didn't say it was to give me something to do.

I just said I enjoyed the puzzle.

That is what you said, but we won't— Oh. Okay, so we're going to move to Lily for a second. So I pick up Lily at school and she says, to me that lunch and recess are lonely. And I was like, oh my God, like, I know that people warned me school's not going to be the same, they're not going to really get to socialize. I was warned. The warning didn't help the emotion. Okay, I still felt sad and I still felt so bad that my little girl's going to school feeling lonely at school. So she says during lunch she's not really near friends to talk to. I think she found a little girl to talk to. She tells me she doesn't want to talk to the boys.

We can thank God for small miracles, right? Well, she doesn't want to talk to the boys yet.

And then she tells me— I take her to school Monday or Tuesday, and she says, "Did you put my toys— did you leave my toys in my backpack?" And I said, "Yeah, you have a big bag of LOLs." for recess. And she said, "You know, I know that I play with my toys by myself at home, but it makes me sad that I have to play with my toys by myself at my desk during recess." Oh my God, my baby! And she's like, "I wanna play with my friends during recess." And like, they're not— they're at school, okay? So I have to focus on positives to keep myself sane. I can't dwell on stuff that I can't control. But I am sad that Lily is communicating that she's lonely during lunch and recess, and I would like it to go back to normal, but we're not there yet.

Good luck with that.

Not this year.

Nope.

So I'm worried that— okay, so our kids aren't really practicing much socialization at school. And let's bring it home. Okay, so what is going on at home and what do I have control over? Because I don't have control over the school regulations. So Ella, you had said to me that you're enjoying texting friends, that texting is comfortable for you, right?

Yeah, it's just easier.

It's easier. However, I will say you were talking on the phone today, correct? Yeah. So I'm very excited because talking on the phone is a step better than texting. I have to get— so Lily is a little social butterfly and almost always wants to be with a friend, okay? So nothing much has changed with her. I have seen the most changes with Max and Ella. And Ella, you can chime in and stop me and correct me and whatever you want to say, okay? What I have found with Max is that he just wants to be gaming behind the technology, and I hear him talking. He's— I mean, he's talking nonstop, right? He's talking nonstop. I hear him talking. I know they can socialize. I know it's not gone, but I'll say to him, how about going and doing something with these people? How about— what are they allowed to do right now? Is Buffalo Battleground open?

I don't I don't know, but considering that you had set me up that we were gonna go do— I was gonna take them to Buffalo Battleground. I didn't even check if it was open, but anyway, yes, we have suggested activities to him to get him out of the house and with his friends in physical person, and he has said he would rather just game, which isn't okay.

And as I was writing my blog about this, I was realizing that I have control over this stuff. Like, I'm allowing the situation. I have asked him a million times.

And that's the problem. You're asking, you're not making him do it.

I—

'Cause every time we've made him do something, he has fun.

I—

It's just like Lily says, "I don't wanna go somewhere," and then she goes and she has a good time.

I— that's not what I was gonna say. I was moving on to Halloween, but yes. I have—

What I have said is also true.

I'm— okay, so we can apply that to Halloween. Yes. I have said, you know, "I want you to trick-or-treat. I want you to get a costume." Who are you trick-or-treating with? No, no, no, no costume, no trick-or-treating. And guess what? Let's see if, let's see if he still goes trick-or-treating and needs a costume.

But historically, before COVID last year it was the night before. Oh mom, I want to change my mind. I'm going, we gotta go get me a costume right now.

I don't remember that. Did he do that last year?

Yeah, it was like for middle school night and we were piecing together a costume from stuff in his closet.

Yes. See, Ella remembers.

I don't remember. Oh my gosh.

It was middle school night, not Halloween.

Okay. So yes. So Max is most comfortable gaming, and I'm allowing this. I'm not limiting screen time.

Part of the problem.

I'm a huge part of the problem. I'm not insisting on plans. I'm not saying, guess what? You know, it's harder at 13. I know that you can all relate to this. It's harder because I don't really have— I don't even have all of his friends' mothers' phone numbers. I mean, I can get them, I could go upstairs right now.

Maybe you should. Not during the show, but maybe you should in general.

I was about to say.

Okay, so when we're finished here.

After this commercial break.

After this, after this. I should go upstairs and I should talk to his friends and say, okay, give me your parents' phone number one by one and get them. It's not like elementary school where they hand me a directory with all the numbers.

Well, his friends also don't go through the same school as him, which is the bigger problem. If they were middle, you'd have a directory. No, there's no directory. There isn't a middle school directory?

No, there's not.

You should start a committee and get some people to do that.

I know you were gonna say that.

You have all this spare time.

You tell me not to volunteer for stuff, so.

Right, give someone— delegate. Volunteer somebody else for something.

Okay, so part of the problem is me. I am not making him plans. I am not making Ella enough plans. I need to stop asking my children and just tell them what they're doing.

Yes, crank it up a bit. Right?

So they're hiding behind that.

Of course, then it's usually very uncomfortable, those plans, but— Okay, so that's interesting.

So what, why are they uncomfortable?

Because you're not usually used to actually talking. It's kind of more awkward when you're, you can't just say, "Hahaha," or something like that. It's like actually in real time, and it's harder because you can't just say something and they don't know if you're actually like, actually laughing or actually like processing what they're saying and stuff when you're texting. But when you're actually like talking to them face to face, you kind of have to just—

have a conversation.

So this is why she's writing about kids losing social skills.

Oh my God.

Because that's a perfect example. I love that. Thank you for sharing that.

So you're used to typing, "Hahaha." Do you know that in real life— Hahaha!

You actually laugh.

You can really laugh out loud. So if your friend is funny, you don't have to type it. You're next to them. You could actually laugh and actually have fun with them. And I swear that these last 7 months have taken my older 2's social skills away.

Some of them, not all of them.

Okay, so not all of their social skills. And I'm being— Ella, I'm being dramatic.

But you're exaggerating to make a point.

Yes. But the more that you—

I'm aware.

The more that you are spending time with your friends, the more that it will be more comfortable. And the more that you just stay home and text them, you're not getting to practice. So I think as parents, we kind of need to take charge and see that our kids are using way too much technology at home. And, and I, you know, it's complicated because there's people who are not having any friends over, and I appreciate that. I know that people are nervous right now, so it's a more complicated time, which has kind of led to this situation. There was a time where we didn't want anybody over, but you know, there are friends that we would allow to come over, and thankfully you have a friend coming over Saturday, and hallelujah, I think Max is inviting friends over Saturday. So maybe I'm getting somewhere. So maybe I just need to keep pushing and keep planning. I need to—

Don't ask.

Well, and you know, I think that in my spinning world of keeping up every day. So it's like, you know, what does Lily, what does Lily have? What does Max have? What does Ella have? You know, 3 meals, school, in the chaos of everything. I think that I'm forgetting about social plans. Yes. Wouldn't you agree?

You've had a lot on your plate as other moms watching have as well. It hasn't been the first thing on your list.

No, and in not prioritizing it, I'm seeing the effects, the effects of that. And you know, the masks aren't helping. So I'm not going to go on a mask rant because there's a reason for the masks, and I hope that the masks are helping. And my issue with the masks is I never realized how much I appreciated everyone's smile. And I want you all to know that I miss seeing everybody smile behind the mask. And I bet you teachers feel the same way. I bet you my kids feel the same way. So they're at school all day behind the mask. They're not seeing expressions. They're not, you know, I never realized that my hearing is partially based on seeing people's lips moving. Like I'm reading lips while I'm hearing. So I'm constantly saying, what? Have you noticed that?

Well, the mask is also muffling their voices a little bit as well.

Yes. Okay, so it's also the mask muffle and it's the I can't see your lips moving. Oh, see, Rebecca understands. She says we miss facial expressions so much. I am.

Yeah, because isn't like 80-something percent of communication non-verbal?

Yes, and I love seeing, you know, maybe we need clear masks.

They wouldn't work as well.

I think that— no, no, no, like a clear—

see-through.

Like a see-through. I think I've seen them. I think someone was making fun of that online, but that's a great idea. But I would be able to see you smile and I would be able to read lips, and I'm just— I'm saddened by what I'm seeing. Okay, so, so what are we gonna do about it, Seth? Let's talk about—

yes, um, what are your problems?

Is there anything— is there anything that you're seeing that I'm not mentioning?

I think you covered it very well.

Okay. Excuse me. So— No, okay.

Yes.

So what I did was I complained in my blog about my concerns, and then I started to think about, okay, now think about what do I have control over? What am I going to actually do? Oh, see, they make clear masks for the hearing impaired.

Right, because you need to be able to sync— your brain processes syncing the lips to the words.

Okay, so Mrs.—

You're not crazy.

I'm not crazy. I'm glad I'm not crazy. So Mrs. Paulzak says there are clear masks, so we have confirmation.

Oh, Mrs. Paulzak is on.

Can you say hello? Oh, hi Mrs. Paulzak. She misses her 5th grade teachers who she got gypped of having all year. Nicole says Lucas and Maddie use clear masks at speech. Interesting. That's really smart. Isn't it?

Because you got to see how the mouth moves to learn how to talk. Improve your speech, right?

But don't you feel like part of socialization is smiling at each other or whatever expression you're making?

Honey, I can't tell how mad you are at me if you're wearing a mask. And jeez, I was really missing that.

I can tell. I try to look at eyes and I try to see the crinkle, the crinkle, like they're smiling, but I miss it so much. That's what I miss most behind these masks is people smile. She says hello, Ella. Mrs. Paulzak. Yes, Nicole agrees. She misses people's smiles too. So what am I going to do to help my children? What am I going to do to help them be more social? So one of the huge things that I pushed for this year, because Ella is— I don't want to say you're losing interest in Girl Scouts, but we debated on Girl Scouts this year. Oh, Mrs. Paulzak says she misses you and she's sending you a virtual hug. Can you send her one back? Nicole says, I always say, how do strangers know I'm smiling at them?

They don't.

I know, smile with your eyes.

It's like you all got a whole lot of Real Housewives Botox and your face can't move anymore and you have to tell people.

It should say— how about if I make a mask that says I'm smiling?

Can we make one that adjusts? I mean, what your face does. Oh wait, that's called your face.

Oh my God. Okay, so what am I gonna do about it? So let's talk about Girl Scouts. I pushed for Ella to do Girl Scouts again this year. This is her 7th year of Girl Scouts, baby. Okay, so I have the pleasure of being one of the leaders of the troops for my girls, and so what I'm going to do is I'm gonna focus on— we are allowed to meet right now. They would— they're encouraging virtual meetings, But right now, in person, we're allowed to meet with masks and social distancing, even if we're outside. And so I am going to focus on planning meetings to get these girls together.

Yes.

Get them socializing and get some programming in that is going to help them with all the emotions that they're feeling right now. And if my friend is watching, I would like to talk to her about a yoga class for the big girls because I forgot how much yoga helps, um, your mental state. Thank you. I knew you were gonna fill in. Did you see that? I was like, Seth, I saw the signal, the signal of whatever sentence, what are the words that I'm looking for? So the little, the little troop, Lily's troop did yoga and it was so peaceful and so centering and it brought the girls together and they did silly stuff and they did calming stuff and so I'm going to focus on programming and what can I bring to these girls to help them stay connected, stay together, and feel better about themselves and feel like they have friends because I think they, a lot of them feel disconnected. Is that an accurate word, Ella? Yep. Okay, so I'm going to focus on that. I'm going to focus on all of these fabulous activities. I'm going to look at what we are doing, and I'm going to encourage my kids to go to all of their activities. Max is doing soccer. He went to a football practice. There are, you know, the 40 kids at practice makes me nervous because that's a lot of exposure, and on the flip side of it, That's 40 kids for him to talk to in person.

Assuming he talks.

Assuming he talks. So you've got sports, you've got theater, you've got Girl Scouts. I've got activities that I can send my kids to right now. I have control over that. I have other adults that I can enlist. Our kids are not just learning their social skills from their peers, they can also learn it from other adults.

Hi Ella, how's it going?

Okay, good. So we need to focus, we need to focus on —like Seth and I need to focus on quality time with our kids, one-on-one time with our kids, having conversations with our kids. The grandparents could be helping us. They call and have conversations on the phone. These kids need to practice their social skills and not texting. Grandparents, if you're watching, don't text them. Call them and make them talk to you on the phone.

Even if they don't want to.

Even if they don't want to.

Make them talk to you.

Listen, I respond to all the All the calls I get. I—

you're— no, you're not the problem. Well, I understand. You're answering your calls. Your brother might not be answering his calls. Right, that's a different story. So I think that I can get my kids to talk a lot more when we have one-on-one time. Wouldn't you agree, Ella? Is it easier to talk when it's just you and I versus when it's the 5 of us? Yeah. So it's easier. Do you like our Friday nights that we seem to have gotten?

The Ella and Mommy Friday night date?

So we're monopolizing on the fact that Max has soccer on Fridays and Lily has dance. So Ella, so I let Ella pick something for us to go do and we can go do something fun together, correct? Yes. And have some quality time? Yes. So I guess don't be like me. Limit screen time. Talk to your kids. Make sure they're talking to their friends. Make some plans. Make plans for them. Get them in activities if you're comfortable. The activities are doing a good job. Yes. Yes, the masks, the sanitizing. Yes. We feel good about that. Ella, anything else that parents can be doing to help their kids right now with their social skills, their mental health. What do you think?

Hang on, I'm trying to think. Can you keep talking?

Yes, we'll vamp until you come up with something.

Okay, Seth, do you have anything to add?

I think you covered it very well.

Okay, well, I am concerned, but the first step to fixing something is becoming aware of it. Yes. And I think I have just recently become more aware of some of my concerns. Yes. When my children tell me they would rather text their friends than see their friends, that's like a red flag. No, no. So, um, I would like to tell you that there is a Winey Palooza Facebook page, but there's also now a Winey Palooza Instagram page. So please go like the pages. And there's a new podcast coming out this Friday, so I hope you will listen. I hope you're enjoying it. If you have any topics—

hey, don't you have a Q&A announcement? Yeah, that was next.

Okay, I love that you're making sure I don't forget.

Sorry for interrupting.

Okay, so any topic requests, send them my way. And you made me a new email address, whinypaloozamom@gmail.com. I did. Okay.

So, fancy people.

Wait till we get her an actual wine enthusiast email address that she has to check and not on her phone.

I'm gonna check it.

You're gonna check the Gmail one.

Yes, I'll put it on your phone. Okay, so what I want to tell you is my idea based on the questions that I have been getting lately is if you guys would like me to do my next vlog, I was thinking about doing a question and answer period. So you would send me or Seth a question, a marital question, a child question, a family question, a business question. Feel free to send us your questions. You can, um, Jessica says you're so cute. You can— Thank you. Comment, you can comment on my page, you can comment on this video, you can send me a Facebook message, you can send me an email.

If you want your question to remain confidential, we will not identify you on air when we read and answer your question.

So feel free to send me your questions. OneEpiLosingMom@gmail.com. And Seth and I will answer your questions live on air. He's making me laugh for the first time ever. Okay, so thank you for joining us. And you're the comedic relief. Yes, we have comedic relief, and we have our own singer too. Ella, can you bring us out please?

Thank you for watching Winey Blues Wednesday with the Green Family. Ciao ciao! Thank you for watching.

Thanks for watching. See you next week.