Whinypaluza: the way women talk to themselves

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday! Ella Bella, come on down!

Have some wine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family!

Cha-cha chicken!

Where's Lily saying give it to Daddy if you're not staying?

I'll say cha-cha chicken!

There, Lily's screaming cha-cha chicken. How is everyone doing tonight? It is later than normal. We were at a little gathering. You were at a little gathering. I was at a little gathering with Lily, and we just got home, and I already had two glasses of wine.

You did? You're ahead.

Um, so this is water because no more wine for me.

No more wine for you.

No more wine for me. So I want to tell you about a couple of books before we start on our topic tonight. I had a mommy blogger send me this awesome book, Am I Pretty? All about a bunny who is all about being pretty on the outside, and her mom's trying to teach her about being pretty on the inside. Very cute book by Rebecca Kruse. Um, what— where's my paper? Faith, Family, and Friends is her blog if you want to check her out, and you can get her book on Amazon. It's a super cute book. I also have a friend doing a presale for her awesome book called Smelly Ellie. Adorable book about a dog who is afraid of the bathtub. All about fear and anxiety, and there's some mental health tips. So go get her book. Friend her on Facebook, A.BaldiBooks, B-A-L-D-I. Go find Alex and preorder her book. I have to pre-order one for my girls. So I wanted to tell you about those books, and I love seeing fellow moms write books. I need to get on the books that I have begun but need to actually finish. I started a book with my daughter Ella that I need to finish, and I have a book in my head about social work that I want to do for kids. So I need to do that. Um, also a second Winey Palooza book is coming, so I need to get to work. I need to get to work. These kids have been home since March. Um, so if you think I have had any free time, I have had no free time. I have been parenting around the clock since March. Today was the deadline. Today in my district, we had to choose what we were— what we were picking for our children. Seth and I did pick the hybrid for our 3 kids, so they will go to school for 2 days a week and then they'll be home for the other 3 days a week. My friend was just texting me saying how stressed she is about school, and I'm gonna tell her— I'm gonna tell you what I told her. I said, this is the year for all of us to go with the flow as best we can, because if we stress about it, we're going to be stressing non-stop because things are going to constantly be changing. The only thing that I'm counting on is change. I'm not counting on anything to stay stable, and I'm going to teach my children and, and stay on myself and my husband to just ride the wave of the flow. If you are scrambling for child care My heart goes out to you. I understand it's a totally different situation for you, and I hope that you all can figure it out. And you know that if I can help, I will try. That he doesn't want—

you are, you are, you're available for counseling and, and therapy and, and vlog episodes.

Okay, so let's get to the topic.

Let's get there.

Um, I wanted to tell them about the pools today, but should I do the topic first? The topic this week is how women talk to themselves. And this is inspired by and dedicated to my friend who wrote the most heartfelt post. Um, she asked her Facebook family— um, hi Jillian! I was just with Jillian. Jillian, I told them we already had wine, so I am now on to water. So anyway, no more wine for me today. So my friend put out this post and she asked how people forgive themselves. How do you let things go? How do you not go over it in your mind? How do you forgive yourself? And I was blown away by the support that she got from her friends, and I don't know if there were any family members, but people were giving her such wonderful advice and such love and trying to surround her with comfort and advice. And not only that, but I was blown away by how many women were commenting that they understood and related to her. And I was like, I have to talk to her. I have to get permission to use this topic, and I need to talk to her because so many women were relating to her. And I was like, I never— and I don't want to say never because I don't want it to happen this week— every week I wait to see what the topic will be. What is going to move me for the week? And every week something occurs that moves me in the direction of what I want to write about, what I want to talk about. And she was moving me to want to call her. And I didn't wanna bother her and I didn't wanna ask, but my mission is to help mothers. So on my mission to help other mothers, I needed to push myself outside of my comfort zone and I needed to call her and I needed to ask her some questions and I needed to ask her permission to use this topic. So I want to thank her for talking to me, for being open and vulnerable, for reaching out for support, and for letting me use this topic. She was carrying— she was carrying stuff with her and emotional baggage from a few situations that she talked to me about and she was being so hard on herself. And the funny thing was, some of it wasn't even her fault. And she was asking people for— to help her forgive herself when I was like, oh my God, did she even do anything? Hey Robert! Um, so, um, I talked to her about learning and growing and evolving and how is it really ever a mistake if we learn from something? Is it really ever a mistake if we are evolving as a person? I used to hate— it's okay, Robert, he's not going to want to talk about this, but I will talk about Max in a minute. I'm thrown off again. Is it really ever a mistake if we're learning from something? I am thinking back to, um, how sensitive I used to be, um, how much I used to cry, um, how much I used to let other people hurt me, how much I used to let people walk all over me. And I related to this friend because we were talking about how we would take blame for stuff that we didn't even do. Like, how crazy is that?

I get blamed for stuff I didn't do by certain people.

The famous, the famous thing in our house is that I will blame Seth for moving something that I later find and forgot where I had already put it.

Yeah, I, I don't— don't touch my stuff. I didn't touch your stuff. She touched your stuff and forgot that she touched it, and I get blamed for it.

Um, do you forgive me?

Oh, I have to see how women talk to themselves before I can figure out how to forgive you. Of course I forgive you.

So you could stop it though. So it takes two to tango. So I want to tell you that if you are holding something that you have not forgiven yourself for, remember that both parties need to take responsibility for their part in it. It's never just one person, ever. I have never found a situation that was one person's fault. So I did—

only one person, right?

It's never one person's fault. It's usually two or more people's fault. And so we were talking about how, um, we have even talked to people about situations that have upset us that we were holding on to for so many years, and that when you actually reach out to the person and talk to them, they have completely forgotten about the situation or gotten over it, and you were like holding it and, um, you know, shaming yourself over it. So step number 1, I encourage you that you should call the person, text the person, reach out to the person and ask for forgiveness. Talk about the situation. It sounds so much easier just saying it than doing it. I know it's not easy. If you do not want to call the person, if it's too hard for you, write them an apology letter and actually mail it. I was also talking to Seth about writing to yourself, whatever the situation is. You don't have to come down. I'm not. Okay. Writing the situation to yourself, writing it down and letting it go on the paper and actually go in your backyard and bury it. Give it to Mother Earth, let go of it. Stop letting it drag you down and mentally exhaust you. We were also talking about rewriting the situation. So there's things in my past that I regret, and if it was still haunting me— it isn't haunting me because I have reframed it, which I will tell you about next. But rewrite the situation how you would have liked to seen it gone.

That was really helpful for me. I had never thought of doing that despite all of my many years of personal development work. And I went and rewrote 4 situations from my past, what I wish I had said or what I wish I would have done. And it was really empowering, and that was really helpful for me. And I highly encourage you to try that exercise.

That's awesome. I love when I can help, especially you. Um, rewrite it and Um, what I have done for myself, because there's things that I regret, and, um, the example that I used in my blog was my 6-year relationship, a bad relationship.

This was— but not me—

before Seth, before I met Seth. And, um, I will have flashbacks of really bad moments in that relationship, and instead of dwelling, instead of regretting, instead of wishing that it had never happened. I have reframed it to, it made me who I am today. It made me stronger. It made me appreciate my husband. It made me learn a heck of a whole lot. And it made me learn what I don't want in a relationship. And now I'm gonna use all of that information to help my children because I don't want them to accept anything, um, that I may have accepted in a bad relationship. So So I am trying to reframe things and learn and grow and forgive myself because I'm human and I make mistakes pretty much every day. Every day there is something that I could do better. So I want to encourage all of you to find something, um, that you have not forgiven yourself for, and I'm hoping to inspire you to let it go. And to realize that it's okay to make mistakes. That, you know, let the shame go. Give it back to Mother Nature. Let it take it away. And I don't know how many people out there watching are spiritual. I am super spiritual, and I do say prayers every night for many reasons. And one of the reasons is that if there is something stressing me out I give it to prayer and it helps me cope, it helps me sleep, and it helps my mind let it go. You look like you want to say something.

No, I'm good. Okay.

You're doing great. So I was, you know, saying to many, many women in my life that if we could hear how we talk to ourselves, that people would be shocked at how hard women are on themselves in their mind. And, um, what blows my mind, even to myself, but I'm learning, and I wish that my 44-year-old self could talk to my 21-year-old self. I should go right to my 21-year-old self. That's a great idea. Um, so what I have learned from women is that they are so good to their friends and they forgive people and they let things go and they move on and they forgive their children and they forgive their husband. And how come we're so nice to everyone else and we don't give ourselves that same courtesy? And I'm like, aren't I supposed to be talking the nicest to myself? And aren't I supposed to be my own best friend? Like, what am I doing, like, dragging myself down? I used the example of my weight in my blog, and I said I will find myself saying, oh my God, look at the number on the scale, I have so far to go, and I quickly reframe it, and I quickly turn it around and say you're headed in the right direction, you're doing great, you're doing awesome, it's— you're, you're, um, you need to be proud of yourself, just keep going and talk nice to yourself and stop beating yourself down. And I think I've been reframing for so many years that it's becoming more and more natural to me. Um, so my husband read my blog and was like, I never thought about the brain as a muscle, like a muscle in our body. So I related it to our legs, okay? So I'm on the treadmill and I'm running and I'm noticing that my legs are getting stronger and I'm noticing that there's a little more sculpt to them, a little bit, slow and steady, baby. And I do it so often and I put— and I practice my running and I practice my weights and we're, you know, expanding our muscles and making our body stronger, but we're not thinking about our brains in that same respect. And what I mean by that is that our brain is the same as our legs. We have to practice. And just like I want to be better at jogging, I want to be better at reframing. I want to be better at being present-focused. When we go to the past and we dwell on the past and things that are over, we can get depressed or anxious and it's over. Like, what's the point of that? We're like wasting energy. If we worry about the future and we're all anxious about school and what's gonna happen and how are my kids gonna do and bop bop bop bop bop, we're just gonna be anxious and stressed out and waste more energy. So I am training myself not only to reframe over and over and over to myself because I'm too hard on myself, I'm also teaching myself to stay in the moment and be present-focused. And the more present-focused we are, the less stressed out we will be. In the present moment, the only thing that I can do is choose for my kids. I chose hybrid for my kids. I checked the boxes. I hit submit. I'm done. That's all I can do today about school. There's nothing else I can do. My next step, print out supply lists and buy supplies that I hope that they'll get to use. So you see what my point is. I had a question for you.

Yes.

And I don't remember what it was.

The answer is B.

Um, Seth is so calm and cool about school. I hope that you have someone calm and cool to help you.

If you are not the calm and cool one.

If you are not the calm and cool one.

You gotta balance, baby.

We definitely balance each other out. We definitely get stressed about different things. We definitely help each other cope with situations and give each other good suggestions. And was there anything else from my blog that you wanted to talk about? Because you read it.

I did read it. You covered the stuff that I thought was very insightful and inspiring.

I covered most of it, I hope. That my friend feels— I hope that all of you feel supported.

You are not alone.

Understood. So I wanted to tell you about Max before I wrap up.

Look at that.

Um, I was gonna wrap up with that.

Ah, I did not know you remembered.

I did remember. So I got to be alone with my son in the car to take him to an appointment, and we are never alone. We're usually in the house with Elliot and Lily and Seth, and, um, we actually had like 20 minutes to and from the appointment to talk in the car. So we were listening to a podcast together that Seth had sent me that he did on his podcast Sharkpreneur. Yes.

Oh my God, the fact that you had to think about it. Oh my, I have not done a good job marketing to my wife.

No, it has nothing— I know what it's called. I don't know, I don't want to say it wrong. Sharkpreneur. I didn't want to I know what it's called. He's better. He's ridiculous. He does a podcast with Kevin Harrington, Kevin Harrington from Shark Tank. Yes, they called the podcast Sharkpreneur. See, I can't— it's a tongue twister.

Nobody else has this problem.

So it's a wonderful podcast. He interviews fascinating people if you want to check it out. Yes, he interviewed this mommy blogger who is extremely successful and And I wanted to listen to the interview and learn about her because I'm probably going to interview her and I wanted to learn from her because she took her mommy blog and like exploded. And so I'm listening to this with, with my son Max. And most of you don't know Max, but Max has a very similar brain to his father. And they're both very business-minded. They're both, both very smart. So he's listening to this with me. So I said to him, you know, my mission is to help mothers. So if you have any ideas based on listening to this on ways for me to expand my helping of mothers, please always feel free to share with me. And he said, but mom, you are helping other mothers. You're showing them that they're not alone. And I said to Seth, first of all, I was blown away that he even knew that 'cause he pays more attention than I give him credit for. But I said to Seth, he basically said my mission statement.

Yep.

And, you know, my tagline of you are not alone. And I want you all to know that you hopefully know you're not alone and most mothers are going through similar situations. Most of us feel the same way. Most of us are way too hard on ourselves. So I just wanna end with give yourself grace, forgive yourself, don't expect perfection. Talk to yourself how you would want your daughter to talk to themselves, or your son, or your best friend. Anyways, that's what— heart back to Marissa— that's what I'm going to leave you with. And Seth, do you have anything else?

I do not. You are not alone, and if you feel that you are, reach out to a friend, a family member, or a blogger.

Yep, I'm here if you need me. Ellebella, can you close us out, baby cakes? She's—

Thank you for watching Winnie Woozle Wednesday.

You have to be on the video. Get over here.

Thank you for watching Winnie Woozle Wednesday with the Green family.

Oh my God. Goodbye everyone. Thanks for watching. See you next week.