Whinypaluza Wednesday Everyone doesnt need to like you

Hello everyone! Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family! Cha-cha-chicken!

Good job, sweetie pie! Okay, well—

Welcome to the first ever simulcast! Of Winey Palooza Wednesday. You know, we are here on Facebook, we are here on TikTok.

So Seth, um, so Seth has this thing where it's never, it's never dull, it's never like things are never status quo, like he's always doing something new.

We gotta keep improving, constant and never-ending movement.

So he doesn't understand that he set up two 2 cameras, and I was like, wait, what are you doing?

It's just like being on a television show, right? You're the news anchor, they got 3 cameras on you.

You know, you have to remember you're an actor. You know, Seth went to college for acting, and he's a wonderful actor. I have no acting skills. They, they are social work skills.

That's not true. You're a mother. There's some acting skills involved in motherhood.

Oh my God, so forgive me. Um, maybe we will fix this a little bit better next time, but I am trying to look at two cameras.

You're just gonna take turns. You can't look at two places at once.

Okay, you'll teach me how to do this.

Yes.

So, um, we have exciting news. There is a snow day tomorrow, and we are so thankful that our superintendent already called it because, um, we can all sleep in. Yes.

Very excited.

So thank you to our superintendent. And, um, okay, so let's jump into our topic. I— everyone doesn't need to like you. What? I knew you were gonna say that. I knew you were gonna say that. So I posted— I have a Whiny Palooza Mom group, and on Facebook— it's on Facebook. You can come and find me on Facebook. And I posted, I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me. And I don't know if any post has ever gotten that many, um, comments. And I was like, wow. I was like, I didn't know this was like such a big thing. I didn't know how much women— I should know because I'm one of them— how much we want people to like us.

And you are a reformed people pleaser.

Hi, Taytons. I am a recovering people pleaser.

That's a good way to put it.

I don't know, I think I'm still a people pleaser. What do you guys think? My friends are gonna chime in and say that I'm still a people pleaser. What do you think, Seth?

I think you have done a whole lot of progress and a lot of work in that department.

So, I started to realize that it's an impossible, task. Like, everyone is not gonna like you. And I realized— I think it— the first time I realized it was, um, and you can, you can chime in and tell me if, if I'm wrong on this, but, um, there was a mother who I met and I was introduced to, and she was very abrasive. And I was like, it's okay, I tend to be right on my first impression.

Yes, judge of character.

I tend I tend to— my intuition tends to be right, but I keep an open mind. And then she started bragging about her house and her car and her ring, and I was like, I don't like this person. I think that was the first time— I don't think she liked me either. I think it was mutual.

We never asked.

I never asked her, but I have the hunch. So that was like the first time that I gave myself permission to not like someone. And I would tell you that I didn't even have the desire to make her like me, and that was something new for me too. Like, sometimes it's just not— you're not gonna mesh with people no matter what. They're not gonna like something about you. And my children— so, like, you know how, like, you learn something and then you learn something again?

Well, you keep getting the same lesson.

You keep getting the same lesson. So my children, um, have taught me this. And we want our children— maybe we have family, maybe we have, um, friends, and it's a family, and we want our kids to be friends with their kids. And it's like, you can't, like, you can't, like, force it. You can't force kids to be friends.

And we've tried and failed.

I would be like, you know, can't you just get along with them?

We really like the parents.

So, you know, like, my— one of the, one of the biggest issues was my son would come home and say, well, he keeps getting into trouble at school, Mom, like, I don't want to be friends with him. And it was like hurting me because I wanted them to be friends, and I was I was like, he's making good points. Like, I'm— I shouldn't be forcing my son to be friends with someone who's getting into trouble at school. And the same thing was happening with my daughters. And my daughter was like, she's too wild for me, Mom. And I was like, you know what, they're not gonna like everyone and everyone's not gonna like them. And I was like, see, it's okay. This is just how life is. So I, I was learning it with other mothers, and I was learning that, you know, I had, um, a bad relationship before Seth, a bad romantic relationship, romantic relationship before her night, and I— before my wonderful husband. And I learned to set boundaries with men. I learned with— I learned how to do that, and I learned that I needed to do that. But I started to learn that I had to do that with women too. And part of setting boundaries and protecting myself is saying, ah, this person is not for me. So are you able to do that? I would love to hear from you. Chime in and tell me, are you able to say this person is not for me?

Hey, to all you awesome TikTok people who are asking if you can join this live, This is our first TikTok Live. I don't know how to do that yet. I will learn for next week.

Oh my God. So if you just joined, Seth has TikTok going.

We're live streaming on TikTok and Facebook at the same time, and someone is joining TikTok every second, which is awesome.

My mind is, my mind is continuously blown by my husband. So people would describe me as nice. I like to be nice. And I think that I started to intertwine the two, that being nice meant that I had to like everybody and everybody had to like me. And I started to put those two things together. Where do we get the expectation that we're gonna like everyone and everyone's gonna like us? Where does that come from?

I blame the parents.

I knew you were gonna say that. I don't think my parents ever say you should get along with everybody. I don't know that they ever I never said anything that would give me that idea, but somewhere along the way, we— most of us have gotten that idea. And, um, I realized that I could be nice and I could be polite to someone that I didn't so much like.

You can be civil. You don't have to send Christmas cards.

Exactly. I was like, okay, I want to teach my children to be tolerant and to be polite and to be cordial, that doesn't mean we don't have to be nice. So I was like, I can still be myself. Yes, right?

Yeah, if you went around telling everybody off, that would not go well.

You don't have this issue, the issue of needing to be liked by everybody.

I, I do not.

You also don't care if people don't like you.

Nothing I can do about that.

I, I know, but it's a really healthy attitude. You could teach us something.

Okay, well, I mean, I think you can— the saying I learned from one of my marketing mentors was, "You can love me or hate me, there's no money in the middle." You have— you're polarizing. Either people will really love you or they will really be repulsed— be repelled by you. But lukewarm— no one who's lukewarm is going to give you money. Like if you look at the late Rush Limbaugh or Howard Stern, people listen who hate their guts just to see what they're going to say next and to find another reason to hate them, but they're still making money off the people who drive them crazy.

Yikes.

I'm not saying you should be like either of them.

No, no, you make a good point. So, Teyton says, maybe from popularity in school, I was not and learned it wasn't worth my time to make people like me. So, Teyton, in my blog, so I write a blog that is moneyforlusa.com, I write a blog, with a new topic every Wednesday. So today, this is today's topic, and the blog gets posted in the morning, and then we go live at 9 o'clock to talk about it. So what I had written was there was this boy in high school who said, she can't really be that nice, she's such a politician.

He thought it was an act.

And I heard him, I mean, I heard him, and I think he even called me a politician to my face. And I was like, back in junior year of high school, it fazed me and it irked me. And now I'm like—

you still remember it?

I, I remember it because it was one of those moments where I was like, it doesn't matter how nice you are, people are gonna find—

but you know that wasn't your stuff, right? That was him putting his stuff on you and being unable to believe that someone could be that nice.

I'm not upset about it at 45.

I don't know about that.

I'm not upset about it Hey, I'm bringing it up.

There's a little scar there. Come on now.

There's not. I'm bringing it up as an example that he was finding something wrong with me being nice.

Yes.

If you're gonna find something wrong with me being nice, then there's nothing I'm gonna do that you're gonna like.

You should have been more not nice, honey. I told you, you're nice to the wrong people. You gotta be mean to the right people.

Oh my gosh. So My kids have called me the word extra. Have you heard this word?

She's so extra.

This is new. This is new.

I think they stole it from Talon Sandoval on Vanderpump Rules.

Is that— well, they stole it from somewhere, right?

Because he's all about being extra.

So if you watch The Goldbergs, um, Ella and Seth, yes, think it's funny to call me Beverly.

Yes.

So if you know Beverly, she's Jamie is hopping on. Oh, be you, be genuine, don't ever digress. I totally agree with you, totally agree with you. But you know, it took me till I was 40 to learn that. So I would say at 40 years old I became comfortable with this concept, and I think that with the women commenting on my post in my group, they were saying that it took them until a certain age to learn this.

Gotta be a level of security and emotional maturity.

Yeah, but I mean, it took time. I mean, Tayton learned it much younger than me. One mother commented and said she's never had this issue, but her daughter does. So it just depends on the person. But anyway, so they call me Beverly. Beverly is an overprotective Jewish mother. Totally understand why they call me Beverly. And encourage your viewers to share your lives. I'm, I'm learning. I'm sorry, I'm learning.

You're reading the stage directions, honey.

I'm learning.

This is our first TikTok Live.

I'm reading the directions. I'm learning.

And then we'll figure it out, folks. Stay with us.

And then Max, um, loves Modern Family. And if you've seen Modern Family, he, um, tells me I'm just like Cameron. So Cameron, the father is very emotional and very expressive and very loud. Oh my God, so he's very expressive, and every time we watch Modern Family together and Cameron gets very expressive, Max looks at me and laughs, flips out. Um, and I'm like too much for him sometimes. Like, Max is very quiet and introverted, wouldn't you say?

Max is our oldest son.

Yes. So, so Max, the oldest I can be too much for him. So I thought to myself, if I'm too much for my son, I'm sure I'm too much for other people too, not just for my son. People are going to— there's billions of people.

Yes, 7 billion.

I looked it up, I looked it up. Google something, honey. I was like, I want to know how many people are in this universe.

That's where you got the number from. Awesome.

So it's well over 7 billion, and they're not all gonna like us. It's impossible.

I don't think I'm gonna meet all 7 billion.

I'm not gonna meet all 7 billion, but like, someone could not like you because you're tall or short or extroverted or introverted or Republican. And I'm like, you know, Democrat. I mean, there were women commenting that they liked Donald Trump's page and got like blackballed from groups. Like people are gonna find reasons not to like you. So I think that in writing this, what I came to terms with— um, don't even need to watch this to love it.

Oh, thank you, Jennifer, you're so sweet.

Um, I don't even know what it is. Okay, so as I was writing, I was realizing that, you know, we're all looking for acceptance. All of us, we're looking for acceptance from all the people we meet all the time. And I was like, we're looking in the wrong place. And I was like, I have to accept myself and love myself and like myself, and then all the other stuff doesn't really matter.

Yes.

And, you know, I quoted Dr. Seuss.

Dr. Seuss is awesome.

We— I mean, we love Dr. Seuss. And what is the quote? Do you want to say it?

Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

Yeah, I think you said it right. I know. So I guess we're giving people attention who don't deserve our attention, is, is what I'm learning. And I'm learning, I think, that as you age, your circle gets smaller. What do you think?

Yeah, absolutely. You get more discriminating, more picky.

You care more. Like, it's like quality over quantity and quarters over pennies and raise your standards. You should follow it with, and that's totally okay.

Yes.

Which one is she talking about?

She's talking about the doctor suit thing. Jen Fadella is on a roll.

Keep going, Jen. You've got great, great lines tonight. So I realized that instead of looking for the acceptance from the other people. We just have to accept ourselves and love ourselves. And we're not going to like ourselves if we're being fake and trying to get somebody to like us. We're gonna lose respect for ourselves. And I think that as we learn these lessons, the quicker we learn them, the quicker we can teach them to our children.

Jamie says, unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's It's not.

Ah!

Did you mean for that to rhyme like Dr. Seuss?

Is that Dr. Seuss or is that Jamie? Jamie, is that a Jamie original or is that a Dr. Seuss original? I think that's Dr. Seuss. Say it again.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. It sounds like Dr. Seuss. It sounds like Dr. Seuss. Or Jamie is really good, which is also true.

I can be my most authentic—

It's Dr. Seuss, she says.

I can be my most authentic self with my true friends.

Yes.

And we learn through the years who our true friends are. And hopefully through the years we all learn that it's okay to not like everyone and for everyone to not like us. I was holding myself to this standard. I don't know why, but I thought I had to like everyone. How do I think that that's possible?

You did your— you, you did a darn good effort at it for a long time.

I really did. And then I would think—

you even pushed yourself to like people that you shouldn't have liked. And I remember that.

And I pushed myself to stay friends with people that I didn't want to be friends with.

Yep. Because you thought other people like this person, what am I missing? Maybe I should like them.

Um, well, that is one thing. One thing is I questioned myself, like, why 'Why do other people like this person but I don't?

What's wrong with me?' Yeah, you're getting likes and hearts all over the place.

How come I didn't think something was wrong with the people who liked this person?

See, you were the right one.

They were all wrong. Um, so I can think of a couple people that I forced myself to be friends with and to stay friends with because I was feeling like in order to like myself, I had to stay friends with them. Like, I was not giving myself permission to end a friendship.

You are a positive person, you don't like discord, you want peace, and it's okay too, says Jamie, which did not rhyme. And Taten, I have never had a problem not liking people, but it took until 40 to not care if people liked me. Jamie says to be civil but not be friends.

Yes, yes, I will.

Hi, nice to see you, but you're not coming over to the house for Thanksgiving.

I will be civil with people for sure. I'm, I'm never gonna think it's okay for my kids to not be civil or for him to not be civil. Yeah, we've had that discussion.

I, I've messed that one up a few times.

I have had to have some conversations with my husband about being a little more civil with certain people, um, especially people on the phone. Oh boy, oh boy, we won't go there.

Yes, that's a whole nother episode.

Um, but I respect Seth. I respect his security to—

you didn't tell me that at the time. At the time it was more about I was being too direct, too perhaps abrasive.

No, I think direct and boundaries and keeping peace within yourself is more important than and always keeping—

that is, that is very impressive for you. I'm glad we made progress. I wish I had the video of you saying the opposite of that. I know, like, you've grown so much.

10 years ago, this would have been a different video. If you're, if you're 35, yes, give yourself a break. Yes, it took me till 40 to start learning this stuff. Yes. Right. And, and, you know, Jamie has gone through some friendships with me that I was struggling to like someone. Yeah.

Emma says, after 4 years here so far, I'm learning that not all people get me or my quirks. I can only be me. I can only be me. I'm guessing that was supposed to say.

Well, yes, I totally agree.

Amen, Emma.

And we, and we feel better when we're being authentic and we're being our self, and, and I lose respect for myself when I'm not being my true self.

So is it okay for me to authentically be abrasive?

No, I hate— I hate when you're abrasive. I think abrasive and sarcastic are like the two things that I really don't like.

Hey, I'm working on it. You've made great— you've made great progress.

No, no, no, you're, you're a very kind person. I wouldn't have married you if you weren't.

True. However, there is that side to me that does come out. Certain people bring that out.

Well, yes, I allow certain people to affect me, and then I can go bitchy with you. What? I can go to bitchy with your abrasiveness, which is a bad combination. So anyway, let's not get off topic. That's a marital conversation for another day.

Yes, Jamie, you still need to self-regulate and be aware of people's perceptions. It's very true.

Yes, yes, that was so good. So I'm giving myself permission to not have to like everyone. I'm telling myself everybody doesn't have to like me, and I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I'm going to be too out— I mean, people probably are like, she's too outgoing for me, she's too much, or she's, she's not really that nice. Is most of the time. Except when you're abrasive. No, I'm kidding.

No, that's absolutely true. It would be very challenging for you to be very nice and sweet when I'm not being that.

It's challenging.

So that's the work, right?

So I'm giving myself permission and I'm giving all of you permission because I know that there's people out there like me at 30, 35, 25, and I was thinking that I I was supposed to like everyone. So hopefully, hopefully something resonated with you.

Yes.

And this was like— I was gonna do New Year's resolutions. I was gonna talk about how we can be successful.

And you are my cup of tea, and I know—

oh my gosh, that's awesome.

We—

Emma, you're awesome. Emma, you're my— we're gonna have tea together because you're my cup cup of tea too.

I'm all warm and fuzzy.

So, um, I don't even know what I was gonna say. Oh, I was gonna do New Year's resolutions.

Yes.

And then I did this post and I was like, holy moly, like, I feel like so much engagement. I feel like this is like such a big topic, like, I mean, I, I need to do this. Yes. So I'm glad I did. Yes. Because I learned a lot along the way. Yes. And I love when you guys comment on my stuff because I'm learning so much from you. You have so much to teach me. And what else do I want to tell you? I want to tell you that we have a contest going— a challenge going on. And if you go find the Winey Palooza Mom Facebook group, tonight is the last last night of the challenge, um, but you can go back and comment on all 5 days, and all the comments get entered to win prizes. And I love— I, I feel so inspired through these. I don't know how you feel, but everyone's comments just are so inspiring. Yes, we're talking all about goals, marital goals, parenting goals, self-love goals, um, So we will pick some winners. And Friday, I believe, is Dr. Laura Froyen. Do you remember this from last time, Laura? If you see this, I am so sorry. Froyen. I can't say it.

Froyen.

F-R-O-Y-E-N. Say it.

Froyen. So check out the Winey Palooza podcast on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Pandora, Audible, or Amazon.

Tell them about YouTube. Yes, yes, Laura. Exactly, Tayton. But I, I sometimes I stumble. I'll just say Dr. Laura. How about that? Dr. Laura, not the doctor, not the different doctor, a wonderful other Dr. Laura. And one of my takeaways from Dr. Laura is she, when she's driving and she's at a red light, she literally does like some breathing. And I was like sitting at a light doing her breathing and thinking about her and going, um, wow, that's really calming, instead of being like, I gotta get there!

I've never seen you do that.

Jamie says, I have the whiny palooza app.

Yes, go to the App Store on the Apple App Store. It's not in Google yet. It will be in Android. It's not there yet. If you have an Apple device, go to the Apple App Store and get the Winey Palooza app. It is free. There is tons of awesome Winey Palooza content. Make sure to go check that out, and we would love a 5-star rating and a review if you like it.

Oh my goodness. Yes. So I'm sorry. I know I didn't do very well, but— You did great, honey. I'm not used to—

Be nice to yourself.

Be nice to myself.

Self-love goal. Oh my gosh.

Self-love.

You did awesome.

Lily, come on down. I need to be kinder to myself. So when I'm telling all of you to be kind to yourself, I'm talking to me too.

Yes. Come around this way. Come on this way.

It doesn't matter which way.

Oh, you don't want to accidentally knock that camera.

Come on, come sing us out.

Thank you for watching Winey Clues on Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha chicken.

Thank you everyone. This was our first TikTok Live.

Oh my goodness, we'll learn how to do it next time.

Have a good week.