Whinypaluza Wednesday: For My Husband

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha chicken!

Thanks, Honey Pie.

You're like, chop chop!

I didn't do anything.

I saw the look.

There was no look.

So, oh boy, I'm regrouping in my head, so forgive me. Uh, I just went to 3 schools for the children.

Did you put 2 and 2 together of— hi, Joette!

Joette will appreciate this. Uh, I started at elementary school dropping off school supplies with Lily, then floated over to middle school to sell memberships and spirit wear.

Memberships in the PTA. She's wearing spirit wear. She's got spirit.

And then, and then got in my car, and my wonderful friends stayed. Thank you, Emma and Kate, for manning the table because I snuck out to go to Max's first JV soccer game, which was amazing. And we just got home, and I'm so glad that I went. Because it was a great game. So 3 schools is going to be very interesting this year.

Yes, 3 kids, 3 different schools.

And I just shoved down my dinner.

Do I have stuff in my teeth?

You do not.

I forgot to check my teeth.

Um, life is, life is very interesting in the greenhouse because Lily is in full throttle with cheerleading, Max is in full throttle with soccer and it's gonna make life and dinner and all of that.

You guys, lots of juggling.

Moms and dads, you all know what I'm doing, so I'm a little, a little all over the place.

So Seth was like, we gotta go, I'm on my way home to do it. And I was like, oh my God, I totally forgot.

So it's a good thing that Seth texted me that he was on his way home to do Winey Palooza with me. So here we are. Yes. Thank you so much for being here with us. It is September 1st, which is, um, your favorite month—

back to school.

My least favorite month.

So our kids start school next week. I know a lot of you started today or last week or the week before. Some, some of the counties— no, some of the towns, yes, around us started today. And I also started my Winey Palooza Mom September Back to School Challenge today. So come find me because, um, we're going to share tips about how to survive the month, and I am ready to give away prizes.

Oh, we have an announcement about the prize for today. We are giving away a 3-night, 4-day hotel stay at a 5-star resort in Orlando or Las Vegas. You have to get yourself there. We'll pay for the hotel stay. We have been there with our family. It is an absolutely wonderful resort. You will absolutely love it. That goes to the person who is the most supportive, who comments and shares the most.

Ooh, yay!

Cliff loves tips. Well, I am going to focus on September in my challenge, and I really wanted to do a September— that's a beautiful story you wrote about your love with Seth. Oh, thank you.

Thank you, Sharon. Hi Maria, greetings Green Family.

Hi Maria. So I lost my thought. Oh, so I was gonna write about September today because I felt like that was a great way to start out the month, talk about September, talk about tips, etc. But, uh, we have a special day on Friday, honey. What is Friday?

Our anniversary.

How many years?

16.

I'm just testing you.

You know I know, right?

I don't know that you know.

Well, you should.

I should know that you know. Um, hi Stephen, thank you for making it with us. We, um, hello Charity, thank you for joining us. Um, so this, today's topic is To My Husband. Oh, it was To My Husband.

I did try and tell you, you overruled my correction, and it turns out I was right. He said for our anniversary, I was right.

You're right a lot of the time. Thank you.

You saw it here live. I was right.

So I wrote Seth. I wanted to write to Seth. I like to write to Seth every anniversary, every time I can. I like to try to put into words how I am feeling at the moment. And had— and as I was walking, when I walk my dog Tanner, I don't know that Seth knows this, but a lot of my blogs come to me. It's It must be like my meditation day.

It is, it's your moving meditation. There's no kids.

So my walks with my dog are very therapeutic to me, and I get so many writing ideas while I'm walking him, and I will stop and start taking notes because the ideas are so, so good. So I started to write about canalside on my walk with Tanner, and I was like, oh my God, it was so funny that I have to talk about this. And when, when Ella was in camp, theater camp, she missed us going to Canalside. And I took, um, Max and Lily and myself. Seth was off.

Yeah.

And we took Ella, Lily, and Max— thank you— on a tiki boat tour, which I loved. And Ella was like— she saw the pictures and she was like, you went to Canalside without me?

Um, yes, he is.

Tanner is my muse. So where was I?

We went to Canalside. Ella missed out. She wanted to go.

So Ella missed out and she wanted to go to Canalside because she missed the first time. And she said, I want to go kayaking. And when we got there, the historic Buffalo tour was starting in 15 minutes. It was a 90-minute boat tour, hour and a half.

And I was like, someone talk about And I was like, oh yay, we made it in time for the— for like something that sounds perfect to me. And at the same time, Seth, Ella, and Lily all rolled their eyes.

Yes, we did.

Max was exhausted from soccer, so he did stay home. But Ella was like, hey, I want to go kayaking. And I was like, but I want to relax with a drink on a boat.

And I was like, fine, I'll do work for Ella because this is for her.

And I dragged myself. I dragged myself over to the kayak and the girls saw me going, ugh, I just want to go on the boat and have a drink.

And the girls were like, I want to go with Daddy.

I said, is there a boat that can take me and the girls and she can go on the historic history cruise? But there was not. And I said, is there a boat big enough for 4 so we can all go together? And they said, no, our kayaks sit 2, so you need a boat for 2 people and another boat for 2 people.

Yes. So we— so I had to go on the— on the—

you took one for the team.

I had to go kayaking, which I did want to try, and both of the girls wanted to go with Seth, and I was like, I'm sorry, one of you is stuck with me. I don't know what to tell you. I want to go with Daddy too.

You didn't mention that part.

I was like, I want to go with him too, but he has 3 women and he can't go with all of us.

So I was like, okay, we did not think this through. I was like, if Lily doesn't like it, she's gonna whine the whole time.

That's true. That, that is.

And I was like, it's gonna be brutal, and Seth will handle it so much better than me.

Yes.

Because I will get pissed.

Yes.

I will try not to, but when she whines, I'm like— and he just lets it roll off of him.

Doesn't faze me.

So I sent Lily with Seth.

Yes.

And Ella came with me.

Yes.

And poor Ella, she's steering us into things.

Now Seth taught me how to paddle. It was super easy.

I was teaching, some guy asked me when he rode by, how do I stay straight?

Yeah, it was so funny. We were kayaking and he's like, how are you guys going straight? I'm all over the place.

So I did give pointers.

Yes, thank you for sharing my wisdom with him.

So I was actually— I thought I was doing a good job, but, um, I was steering us into things and I had to—

excited to pass.

And she was—

yes, Ethan says, I wish I had the patience you have. Thank you.

Um, Ethan, he has— we have patience on very different things.

She is way more patient than I am in other areas.

We complement each other, which we're going to talk about.

And Sharon says, when members of a couple Both have similar memory about how they met and their early milestones. It forebodes well for the marriage. So your marriage is set up for success. Thank you, Sharon.

Oh, Sharon, that is really— you know what? And the way that we met—

not a lot of things face us. We could learn from my female energy. I will leverage this as you help me reach more women leaders.

Um, Seth has really calming energy. It's been quite the year. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate his calm, steady force. I'm very emotional.

What?

And I feel things very strongly.

Very.

So when I see— when I hear this stuff about COVID and blah blah blah and politics, I'm like— and Seth is like so logical about it.

What am I doing?

So calm and logical about it. So Ella is— Ella is little.

She's very enthusiastically paddling.

And she was like all about paddling. And she was like, choo choo choo. And I was like, oh my God, like, this isn't relaxing. And she's giving me a headache.

The paddle was banging into the boat.

Banging the boat every time she paddles. And I was like, can you just sit and relax for a few minutes? So I love that she loved it.

Um, she did not love getting yelled at the whole time.

I did not enjoy kayaking with her. I enjoyed kayaking, um, my head was not enjoying the constant banging. I wasn't able to tune it out. I wish I was. So we will go back and Max will take Lily.

Ella will go with Daddy, and you can have a boat by yourself, and I'll bring you a drink.

So anyways, Seth, Seth, compliment— we complement each other. And he does push me to try things I wouldn't push. We go on adventures that I wouldn't go on if he wasn't so calm and collected about it. I was like, you know how to kayak? The things that I still learn about him.

I still have a few tricks left.

So 17 years later. Yes. I'm still learning stuff about him. Has it been more than 17 years?

16 years of marriage, but yes, 17+ of dating, so being together.

So I would like to tell Sharon very quickly before I move on that when I went to synagogue with my parents on Rosh Hashanah, I was looking around at all the families and I said, God, how come my husband can't be right here and left with tears in my eyes, seeing all the families that I wanted to have and, um, dreaming about my husband and children. Come back 10 days later for Yom Kippur, and Seth was sitting 3 rows behind me. So Seth and I have the same recollection of charity, of how we met. I think it was Sharon who said it.

Is it?

Yeah, it was.

Oh, you're right. It was Sharon. I'm sorry.

So we remember, and I am convinced that he is a gift to me and I am thankful every day. Yes, I, I—

you made me up, baby. You manifested me.

I prayed for you and there you came.

So followed you right to the bathroom.

So let's talk about our kitchen conversation real fast. Let's move on. OK, yes, yes. We're in the kitchen.

It wasn't—

Melissa liked our story. Yes. It wasn't a great day.

Which kitchen story are we talking about?

I think that I was a little too critical that day.

Oh, yes. Yes, you were.

And I said to Seth, thank you so much for helping me. I really appreciate it when you help me. He must have, you know, fed the kids, done the dishes, done something that—

All of that. It's true.

Dude, continue. Um, anyways, he had taken something off of my list. Yes. So I had noticed that he did that, and I was like, thank you so much for helping me. And he goes, you finally said something nice to me today. And I went, uh-oh. And I was like, okay, nip that in the bud, because we don't want our husbands or wives to feel criticized. If we feel criticized, we don't feel good about our marriage.

That is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse of the marriage according to Dr. John Gottman.

If we give appreciation and say how much we love and appreciate things all day long, then we create more of that and then our spouse is happy. So, I want Seth to feel good about his marriage and feel good about his wife and be happy. And I don't want Seth to feel criticized all day. And sometimes he'll say, I know I do things right.

I usually have a list of what I think I did right.

I think you do a ton right.

Thank you. Um, Sharon says yes, that was Gottman's work I was describing. Yes, we're huge Gottman's fans.

We love John Gottman.

Yes. Do you know if you could get him on her podcast, man, she would be over the moon. Um, sorry, shameless plug for my wife there.

You're so sweet. He's so supportive, and I hope that you feel like I'm as supportive as I feel that you are supportive.

You are.

I am so thankful for how hard he works, and, um, I'm so thankful for how we complement each other. And I want to bring that up because I think that what attracts us to our partner can annoy us. So you were attracted to your partner for a reason. Yes, you can ask.

Can you ask your question? Sure, we'll take questions from the studio audience. Type it in.

Okay, Sharon says great modeling. So, um, as Melissa asks her question, right, I want to talk about how when you're attracted to stuff about your partner, I want us to remember why we were attracted to that. We need that. I didn't want to marry myself.

That's a good thing. You would not— anyway, yeah, you would have some issues with yourself.

That wouldn't go well. But I married my complete complementary person.

Okay, thank you, Sharon, I appreciate that.

Okay, so we're driving in the car talking about college. Now mind you, so many friends have posted about sending their kids to college.

This is why this came up.

And I am like, oh my God, I have empathy pain. And Max is starting high school next week.

Yes.

Well, let me tell you that Max starting high school next week does not seem so bad when I see people leaving their kids at college. So, um, I need a strong grounding force to handle my emotionality too. Yes, Sharon, I knew opposites attract. Sandy, 100%. I knew what I needed in a partner and I wrote it down and I prayed on it and it came to me.

Melissa, if Rebecca said great job doing that instead of thank you for helping me, would it still feel as good? I don't care how she says it. No, it doesn't matter.

Oh, I know what Melissa is saying because Melissa believes that we are a home team. Yes, family.

I agree.

So I think that things are my responsibility. That Melissa is teaching me is the family's responsibility. Oh, so Melissa, so see, so I think that you are helping me do stuff.

And it's us.

When, when Melissa has taught me— see, Melissa, I haven't changed my language yet, but you're teaching me. So Melissa is teaching all of us that this is not mom's work, this is the family's work. And the family has this responsibility to feed. Everybody needs to be fed.

Yes.

Everybody needs to have clean laundry.

I discovered I can make a good chicken quesadilla today.

So anyways, yes, Melissa, thank you for bringing that up. I need to change my wording. Excellent point. So we're talking about college. Yeah. So I say to Seth in the car, I was like, here's my requirement. I have a radius requirement. They have to go somewhere within the radius of me being able to easily drive to them because I am the safety police and I need to be able to get there, be able to get to them if they need me. And Seth says to me, Seth's response to me is they might not agree to those terms. Well, my thought was I'm paying for it.

But Joette feels me, man.

So Seth doesn't agree with me. And my first reaction was— I'm not going to tell you what my first reaction was.

I didn't even tell Seth.

See, I do censor myself, Seth.

Sometimes.

So I have self-control. So I'm in the car. I'm pissed at what he says to me. And then it hits me.

I—

we need each other.

Yes.

And I need him to say they can go wherever they want.

I didn't say they could go wherever they want. They can fly. So they can go wherever they like get into and that we can afford and all that good stuff.

Okay, so I want to read you this list that made the two of us crack up. Okay, this is how we complement each other.

This is our complementary opposites. We'll call it that.

Nicely can be too short. Gotta love his okay responses.

Yes, one word.

Um, I tend to elaborate too much.

Yes, she will send me a 4-paragraph text message and I will answer with 2 words and she will be mad at me, even though technically all it needed was a okay, I will do that.

Sharon said has something good to say.

When women share their fierce voice and powerful truth, it can move mountains. Amen to that.

Amen. Seth can be introverted.

Yes.

And I am very extroverted.

Yes, you are.

But I think I've gotten more introverted.

And I have gotten more extroverted.

My adult children live between 410 and 999 miles away. We still engage via Zoom with them and our 5 grandchildren. Stephen, I'm gonna cry.

You're not helping.

True love, says Cliff.

Awesome.

Okay, Seth wanted 2 kids. I wanted a house full of kids.

See, your son's responses are 1 or 2 words. Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, I agree. I get to see 2 words.

I get from Max, uh-huh, okay, sure.

Seth has a head for business.

I have a head for social work. Yes. Seth can be very black and white. This is our biggest fight. Yes, I tend to see the gray areas to things.

Yes, Seth wants that for the ones that you want to be black and white.

Seth wants his kids to be independent and grow up.

Yes. Yes. Not—

I want them to be my babies forever.

Yes.

Seth loves to talk about their classes and assignments with them.

And I want to hear about their relationships.

She's asking, who did you talk to that day? Tell me about who you sat with at lunch. I'm like, what did you learn? What my tax dollars are going for?

The problem that you have asked 5 questions and he answers one yes. You don't know which question.

She didn't ask. She did not ask 5 questions. There was only one.

I said, no, no, Sharon, if I ask Seth 5 questions via text, I will get— I get 5 okay.

Yes. Okay, okay, okay. Because you asked yes or no questions. It was not an open-ended question.

Seth doesn't want any junk food in the house, and we will leave that there. Bum bum bum.

Nobody would eat it if it wasn't in the house.

Okay, okay, sorry, Seth.

Taboo topic.

No, it's not a taboo topic.

All right, I'm making some healthier shifts.

That would be good.

Seth does little bits of things to gradually get things done, and I tend to binge and get a ton done and wear myself out.

Yes, very much so.

Perfect partners.

Thank you.

Seth doesn't mind the winter at all. I complain the whole winter and countdown to summer.

And then when summer gets here, lately you complain it's too hot. She's Goldie temperature. I don't know, I like the '70s.

I like the '70s. Seth is very smart and funny, and I would describe myself as a lot of things but not funny.

You are very smart. You—

I didn't say I wasn't smart.

Making sure that you know that you're very smart.

Seth is very practical and logical and thinks things through, and I'm very emotional and feel things very strongly.

Joette says, my— I'm— LOL, my son literally said, Mom, 5 texts and 5 questions, one minimum is— wait, one a minute is way too much.

I'm like texting him, texting him, texting him. He's at work, okay? He's at work.

Yes, I was talking to Sharon at the exact time.

Let me finish my sentence.

I am texting him while he's working, so I appreciate that, and I know he will get back to me when he has time, but I will write him a big paragraph and he will answer, okay, okay, okay, okay, and I'm like Okay, so anyways, we complement each other. Yes, my meal planning shopping self doesn't support my stress eating snacky self.

Give me the junk, says Melissa.

I come home, I want to tell you guys, I will do a super healthy grocery shopping.

I will come home and I will be like, darn it, I didn't buy any junk food.

Pumpkin cheesecake, Ben Jerry's. I'm That's all I gotta say.

Come on, if there's pumpkin stuff out, you know I'm gonna buy it.

Pumpkin or new, you are a sucker.

Sharon says your children will learn a full spectrum of skills. They're, they're definitely seeing a lot of different stuff. Yes, we complement each other so much, and I try to remember that every day because the stuff that annoys me— yes, I need—

and you just have to remember when you're annoyed that you need it.

I picked him for a reason.

Yes, I live in New York City.

I get junk food delivered right to my door.

That's awesome.

Oh my God. So I had a great podcast with Brandon Miller that's coming out soon, and we talked about the 4 different parenting styles. And the optimal parenting style is an authoritative parent. The authoritative parent is very warm, gives a lot of love, but also gives their kids structure and rules and clear expectations. And it's a good combo. And I was laughing when I was talking to Brandon because I realized that Seth and I together is the perfect parent because I'm over here with the love and the warmth and like, let me hug you. Let me love you. And Seth is like, you will do what you are told.

I am still warm. I just, discipline.

Okay.

I—

you are very warm, but you can slide into authoritarian.

Yes.

And I can slide into the permissive. So slide— we bring each other back to authoritative. So we remind— so I remind Seth to be flexible and warm.

Yes.

And he reminds me to have more structure.

Yes.

Yes. Oh, the mom look, Maria. My mom was so good at that. That the mom look— they laugh at me. They don't—

it hasn't— she hasn't perfected it. It doesn't work.

My mom's mom look was scary. It still is. She still does the look. She still does the look. So as we walk into another year together, Seth, I would like to tell you what I wish for us and wrap this up.

Okay.

Okay. So what I wish for us is patience with each other, understanding and appreciating of our differences.

Yes.

Desire to do better every day, to learn from our mistakes, to spend quality time alone together, um, because we're always with our children. What am I missing?

Uh, let's see. Melissa says, I'm that mom, even Isaac's friends get it.

Oh, Melissa, I bet you have a good look. I can just pictures.

And Sharon says your relationship is best case scenario.

Oh, to find new adventures together.

Will you be telling us more about Winey Palooza? Yes, when she wraps up, we will tell you about Winey Palooza.

Um, to find new adventures together, to continue to enjoy our children together, both the human and the fur ones, to be thankful for each other every day, to take on challenges together, to be quick to forgive each other to have kind, calm communication, to celebrate successes, to plan a bat mitzvah together this year, to both learn and grow more every day, to support each other, and to make marital goals every day. And I stand by the fact that who you marry is one of the very biggest decisions that you will ever make. So make a good decision, good informed decision. So That is for you, my honey.

Thank you, sweetheart. I really appreciate you doing that for us. I did not know that this was the plan, by the way, folks.

You didn't know what my topic was?

I, I didn't know that. We'll just leave it there.

Okay, you can tell me more later.

Okay, so, um, okay, so we missed a couple things. So Maria says the mom look worked when I taught high school. Charity says amen to that. Joette says insomnia cookies delivers. I just learned and thought I'd let you all know. No, now she's gonna go get it.

No, you know what, my girls have turned me on to TikTok and there's terrible—

there's constant crumble, there's constant crumble cookie reviews, and I'm like, what is this crumble cookie and do I have it in Buffalo?

Uh, let's see. Melissa says, Marianne Geffers, that gives me hope. Mine turns 13 this Friday. I want to keep my mom crown straight. Uh, and Sharon says, that's a lot of trust.

So trust is my number, number uno, numero uno. I told Seth, um, my biggest requirement is that he's always open and honest with me and tells me the truth. And, um, you know, even if he's tempted to hide something to protect me, protect me, I, I just want the truth. That's my biggest button. It's my hugest requirement in our relationship. And I'm sure I will be writing more blogs to you, honey, but this was for our 16th anniversary.

Thank you.

And I'm wrapping up with telling you guys to come find the Whiny Palooza Mom Group on Facebook and do the September survival tip back-to-school challenge with us. And my new podcast comes out every Friday.

On iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Pandora, Audible, and YouTube.

So every Friday is a new Winey Palooza Family Friday podcast where I interview fabulous people.

So we are here on Facebook every Wednesday night at 9 for this, and then every Friday she's on all the podcasting platforms.

And then what I have realized in listening to other women me and talking to other women like me is that some people don't want to watch. Some people want to watch. They want to watch the podcast, which you can find on YouTube. They want to watch the vlog, which you can find on Facebook. But some people just want to listen. So because of that, we are now making my vlogs available Wednesday on the podcast so that you can just listen to it while you're driving or whatever.

The audio version.

So hopefully that was clear. 9 o'clock Wednesday nights, Eastern Time. Friday morning, 9 o'clock podcast. Wednesday morning, 9 o'clock vlog is released as a podcast. How am I doing?

You're doing—

oh, and we forgot my favorite parts. Well, it's in, it's in, it's in challenge with the podcast. I write a blog every week that comes out on Wednesday mornings, and it's the topic of the week And then I talk about that topic at night. So if you have any topics for me, if you have any podcast guests for me, I have had so many people send me wonderful guest ideas. So keep them coming. I appreciate all of you. I love doing this. It's so much fun. I love the people I'm meeting in my podcast. I'm so glad Seth encouraged me to do that. And anything else?

Yes, we have a number of comments and we have to give away our vacation.

How are we going to do that right now?

Okay, so watch. All right, so first Charity says, "Mine's 22. I have to trust the mom look isn't working anymore." Melissa says, you can't handle the truth. Maria says, happy anniversary. Joette says, happy anniversary. Melissa posted a link for the Facebook group. Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing. Sandy says, yes for audio. Ethan says, it's obvious the two of you have tremendous chemistry and support each other well, which must help with running your respective businesses and raising a family. There's a lot to learn from the two of you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Ethan says, I gotta go spend time with my wife now.

Bye, Ethan.

Sharon says, this is so sweet. What a great idea to get blog topics from your audience. Thank you. Okay, so we need to give away a 3-night, 4-day vacation to the person who was the most engaged, most commenting throughout the process. Drum roll.

How do you do this?

I've been paying attention. Oh, I've been counting. Oh, I was multitasking.

Okay, multitasker.

Okay, so can I award the prize? The winner of the 3-night, 4-day vacation, you tell me if you— you're going to email me and tell me if you want to go to Orlando or Vegas, and we will get you all squared away is Dr. Sharon Melnick.

Hi, Sharon. Thank you so much for all your comments, and thank you everyone for all of your comments. I loved them. I love hearing from you, and you can connect with Sharon to give her her prize.

Yep.

And, um, we will see you all next week. I don't know if anyone's available to sing us out.

Ella, Lily? Ella's coming.

Somebody's coming to sing us out. My sweetheart, thank you for paying attention.

Uh, I think Lily is still on the phone. Thank you, sweetheart.

Thank you for watching Winey Pluto Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha chicken!

Thank you, baby.

Thank you, everybody. See you next time.