Whinypaluza Wednesday: I Believe In You

Hello everybody, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family. Breast support, baby!

Breast support, love it. Use that musical theater skill.

Oh, please be careful of all the wires. Oh, that's some talent.

There we go.

Thank you, lovely singer.

Okay, give me some gymnastics over the wires.

How is everyone doing today? Oops, be careful what you two are doing with all the wires. We're bringing on Lily before we talk about our topic. Lily had a wonderful surprise at cheerleading tonight. Lily, tell them.

Okay, so it started off when we were at Five Below and I saw a I was going crazy. And my mom and sister were at another bin, and it was at the August 1st Squishmallow event by Blah, and I saw it, so I started sprinting, and I told my mom I'll be right back, and she was looking at me and making sure I was okay, and I ran to grab the Squishmallow, and I got it, and then this, like, it looked like an 18-year-old girl came and grabbed it and gave it to her child, and I was really sad. And I came to my mom really upset.

You should have told her to go yell at that girl and get your Squishmallow back.

I, I wasn't gonna get in a fight over Squishmallows.

Punch them out!

People are crazy. Seth, do not promote violence on my show.

Okay, I'm sorry. Okay, so I don't like my daughter getting hurt. Wait, wait, wait.

So we were being stampeded. We were in a line for Squishmallows.

I did not believe this until they showed me pictures of like hundreds of people.

We took— I think we took a picture, and, and the manager took a picture and there were tons of Squishmallows, but you could only get 4. And, um, Lily had someone take the owl. So Lily, tell them what happened. What, what happened next after that? Do you want me to tell them about Coach Danielle?

I want to cheer, and my Coach Danielle told me, wait a second, because after our water's done— our water fight, our water fight. With her guns. She told us— she told me to wait a couple minutes, and I went over to her, and my mom started walking over, and then everything went— and then we went to my mom's— Miss Danielle's car, and, um, she told me she has a surprise for me, and she—

show them—

got me this marshmallow.

She found the owl, and Her name is Miranda.

So her coach—

so thoughtful.

One of her coaches— she has two amazing coaches, Coach Daphne and Coach Danielle. Coach Danielle, and please don't do what you did last week where you cut us off in the middle, okay, Mr. Green?

It wasn't on purpose. I thank you for reminding everybody of our technical error.

Okay, so Coach Danielle saw me post. We were talking about the Squishmallow event and I said someone took Lily loves owls. So Danielle saw that someone had taken the Squishmallow from Lily, and she hunted down an owl for her. And I'm so touched. She texted me last night, and I was literally trying not to cry. I was so touched. Her coaches are the most wonderful women.

And in the car, like, we— I got the team Squishmallow for a day, and I was really sad, and I was like I don't want to give Freshie away. And my mom was like, you'll be okay.

So she was very sad to give— she got the team Squishmallow last night for her good behavior, and she was very sad to give it back today. And I was in my head, I was like, she's sad, but she's about to be happy. So we wanted to share this heartwarming story with you, and I'm so touched, and I just love her coaches. And anyways, what is the word, Seth, for Veklempt. I can't say the word veklempt, my Yiddish.

And we hope that this happens to you guys too.

So we don't know if you are on Squishmallow hunts like I am.

And you have an obsession.

Um, but we definitely go on Squishmallow hunts. So Lily, you can stay for my topic or you can run away. Would you like— why don't you come back at the end to sing us out so Daddy and I can discuss it? Yes. Okay, so my topic Thank you for sharing, Lily.

You're welcome.

Okay, come back. Stay close. I think he screwed it up again.

I apologize. When she moved, my finger hit the button.

I, I— dude. You're gonna be fired. I'm gonna fire you.

You can't fire me.

You're kind of stuck with me. Did you just screw it up again?

I did. Can you stop talking about it?

Okay, so how are they gonna play it?

No, they can see it now. We were off for 2 seconds.

You don't understand the question. I will ask you after.

Right after would be a good time. Please continue. Your topic tonight— it's the beauty of live television.

Can you please Keep me live. I'm gonna go back to doing it just on Facebook.

I didn't mean to hit the button, woman.

Anyways, I'm getting to the—

the topic is—

the topic is your husband screwed up.

No, that is not the topic. You're supposed to believe in me, honey. You didn't believe in me. You said don't—

oh my God.

Okay, stop. Hi, Jamie. I— the topic this week is I believe in you. We did want to share a heartwarming start story, and we are back on track. So here we go. So I have the luxury of interviewing amazing women every week, mostly women. I'm actually interviewing a man next week.

It's not me.

My first one other than me. So I've been talking to these wonderful therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, just like coaches, all these wonderful women, and they say such fabulous things. And I always am either reminded of something that I needed to hear, or I learned something, and/or both. And one of the therapists said during the interview that she sees her clients' potential before they do, and she believes in them. And I like felt the ding, ding, ding, aha moment. And I was like, that is it. That is the key. It's the key to like so many things. It's the key to my being a good therapist. It was the key to my being a good supervisor, to being a good wife, to being a good mother, friend. The list goes on. And I think that we were trained in, in my unit, we were trained to be strength-focused. And what that means is we went into a home, and we have all these people sitting there. And we're hearing their stories, and they're sharing these personal stories with us. And we're hearing, we're trained to hear for the strengths, and to look for the strengths.

What are they doing right?

And yeah, I should probably, I'm guessing, you know what a strength is. It's the opposite of a weakness. And If you can guess, when you go into someone's home, they're focused on a lot of weaknesses. This is what's wrong. This is what I'm struggling with, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And in their stories and in my observations, I'm hearing lots of strengths and goodness, and I'm seeing their potential. And I was like, oh my God, that is like the key to everyone's success. And we don't always see We don't always see our own strengths.

We are usually our harshest critics.

Well, and it's interesting because the story that came to mind is my friend came over and I was like, wow, she looks so beautiful. And I love her hair. And I love the length. And I love the color. And I'm thinking all of these wonderful things. And she's like, I need to get my hair done. It doesn't look good. I need it cut. I need it colored. And I'm like, wow, I was literally just admiring her in my head. And it made me realize that here I am ripping myself apart because I'm like, I really need my hair done, and I'm admiring her. And I, I know that we are such critics of ourselves and we rip ourselves apart and we can tell our weaknesses. And but we see, we tend to see a lot of strengths in others, and other people don't see see it so we can swoop in. I don't think people realize that it takes one person. Like, one person in your life can make the hugest difference. When I started high school and was struggling, my guidance counselor made a huge difference in my life, and that's one person in the whole entire school. So you believing in someone and seeing their strengths and telling them can make like the hugest world of difference. And when Seth opened his business, so the first one, so back when Max was a baby, 2007, Max was born and Seth left his financial planning practice.

I left working my practice at a Fortune 500 company to open my own. Thank you for slightly correcting that. I moved it. I didn't leave the practice. The client stayed.

Okay. So he went out on his own.

Yes.

And started his first business.

Yes.

And was a nervous wreck. Is it?

Yep. I wouldn't have done it without your cheerleading.

So I thought it was a fabulous idea. And I could see it. I could see the vision, I could see the success, and I saw so much in Seth, and I still do. And I have always seen the amazing skills and potential, and I've always like believed in him and been his biggest cheerleader.

Except when I hit the wrong button.

When you hit the wrong button, what the heck?

You're screwing up my shot! Gaming mouse.

It's really not cool, dude.

All right, please continue. So you were being so nice.

Oh my God, can you stop with my water? My dog is drinking my water. So I didn't doubt, like, I knew that he could do it and I knew that he was going to be a success. I just felt it. And I felt like I knew he needed me to believe in him, and I knew that I did believe in him. And I think that that is one of the key reasons, one of the reasons he succeeded. There's many other reasons that he succeeded.

Thank you.

But, and a lot of it is just you. But I think having someone at home, yes, who you knew was home believing in you and cheering you on, I think that really helped you.

Absolutely. I don't— if you hadn't been supportive and been cheering, I don't know if I would have done it. So thank you. I'll give you the credit for that.

Don't— you don't need to give me any credit, but I— you get what you expect and what you believe. And do you know the term self-fulfilling prophecy? I don't know who, who has left and come back, but if you know the term, you know that it creates a reality. And a self-fulfilling prophecy is I believe X and X happens. So if, you know, for me with seeing parents and kids with severe behavior problems, they were looking for the behavior. So if their child was being aggressive, they were expecting it and they were looking for it all day and they weren't paying attention to the fact, you know, I remember vividly a child nicely sitting through a session with us and being nice and compliant and listening and answering questions and being nice to his mother. And I remember it specifically, and she's telling me all this stuff about him. Now mind you, I didn't live with him, but she wasn't noticing what was right in front of her. And I think that we have to look for what we want more of. So I— Seth and I were talking one night a while ago, and we started to realize the things we were saying all day about Lily. So like, you know, she's such a brat. What else?

She's a handful.

She's a handful. She's exhausting. She's not listening. Like negative stuff. And we said, okay, we need to cut that out because we're creating that.

Part of the problem.

We're part of the problem. And we're looking for it and we're expecting it and it's happening.

You get what you look for.

So I really, try to focus on her strengths and point them out to her and get excited about it, and then she wants to do it more. And like, if I say, "Oh my God, Max, thank you so much for carrying 15 bags to the car for me today," then he feels good about himself and he wants to do it again. "You're so helpful. You're such a good son. You're so strong." Like, it's pointing out his strengths, getting more of what you want, And we can use our— we can use this power for good and we can use it for bad. So you can use it to expect bad things and expect negativity, or you can use it to change it around and look for the good and look for the strengths and believe in your kids and believe in your husband. If you expect your husband to, you know, be romantic, you'll get more of that. If you expect him to be a jerk, you'll get more of that.

What you put out comes back.

So it's like, it's like Lily doing a page of math and being— and me coming over and being like, wow, you did a whole page of math all by yourself. And she's like, I'm so bad at math. And I'm like, no, I believe in her. I know that she can learn it. And I— having, you know, your mother or your wife or your therapist, having them believe in you really makes a difference. So we can give that to others and others can give that to us. And I just think it's such a powerful thing. I mean, you probably experienced this growing up.

Absolutely. It's— you're totally Look, you— whatever you are looking for, you will find. You have a particular activating system in your brain you will find more of. Ah, and then you will say, oh look, I was right, so-and-so is a jerk. Well, if you think about that all the time, it will be true. You won't notice the good things.

That is so true. We talked about this because I was noticing a certain car all the time, and you said it's because you're looking for it.

Yep. Yes, your brain says, oh, I just got a new white SUV. There's a lot of white SUVs. I never noticed them before because you weren't looking for them before. We didn't suddenly appear. People didn't suddenly buy a million of them and drive them around the town.

So you've probably heard so many of these sayings: what you focus on expands, what you look for you will get, what you believe in you will get. I believe that Seth is successful. Thank you. Right? I believe that he's a good husband.

People oftentimes line up to the expectations others— live up to the expectations others put on them, positive or negative, says Jamie. You are absolutely right. Give a man a reputation, he will live up to it.

Yes. And you know, let's, let's not get in a fight about the dishes, but thanks for the disclaimer. I want to use this as an example because If I go over to Seth and tell him over and over again how he's doing the dishes wrong, which has happened, he doesn't want to do the dishes.

I did not.

What is the point?

Oh, she's gonna be unhappy. Seth, love you. Rocking the man ponytail looks good. Thanks, Heidi.

Heidi, before the show—

yes, I said something about it.

So Seth was playing poker and graciously came on with me anyway. And I said, are you coming on the show with the hair like a samurai bun?

Like—

and he was like, he was like, well, it's your show, so if you want me to take it out, I'll take it out.

She said no, it's fine. And I didn't fall for it and kept it anyway. Okay, even though it's fine means it's not fine.

Let's go back to the dishes.

Dishes.

I don't love the ponytail.

See, Heidi, you had to say something. It's all Heidi's fault.

You don't have to take it out right now. Oh my God, look what we started. So it's all Heidi's fault. Let's go back to the dishes, please, and wrap this up.

Yes.

So if I say to Seth, wow, that was so nice of you that you did the dishes, and that's why I was doing it in the first place, and that they're all done and I don't have to worry about it, and I believe that he's a good, helpful he's a sweet husband, then I get more of that. If I believe—

if I focus on, you didn't do them right, you didn't do all of them, there's still a couple in the sink, can't you do it right?

Well, and even if you loaded the dishwasher wrong, even like, let's— even like abrasiveness. If I focus on the fact that Seth gets abrasive, then I get more of that. If I focus on the fact that he's sweet, yes, then I get more of that. And I believe that he is a sweet husband, yes, so then I get more of that, yes. And I think that believing in our kids, believing in our friends, pointing out their strengths, you know, we see other people's strengths, we don't see our own strengths as well. And I just want you to keep that in your mind because when you point something out to someone, you're making a difference because they probably don't see it, don't believe it, and hopefully We have to get our self-worth from within. And I talked about that this week in my group. And I think that we chase our self-worth from other people and want to get it from other people. But I think we can point stuff out and make people start to notice their strengths and help them own it and notice it and help them believe in themselves. And it starts with us believing in them. And I'm circling back to that therapist who told me that she sees people's potential before they do, and she sees their strengths before they do, and she believes in them. I think that is the key to helping people.

Amen to that, right?

Um, so we just finished our August challenge in my Whiny Palooza Mom group, so that was fun. I just dropped off the gift to the winner.

Yes, let's lift each other up, says Melissa.

One person at a time. Yes, I feel like there's one more thing that I want to say about this because I was told by the Name Lady that I'm a good detective and I laughed because therapists are detectives and when I walked into someone's home for the first time because I had the luxury of doing home visits. And when you do home visits, you see a lot, a lot more than if someone's in your office for an hour. And I walked in with my detective hat on, and I knew that I was there to scope things out in a good way. I don't mean that in a bad way. I wanted to help them. I wasn't there to make their life bad. I wanted to see what strengths the family had, what resources the family had, what what potential the family had. So I walked in with, with my detective hat on to discover what they didn't discover yet, to help them overcome their challenges. And I think we can help people with that every day.

Amen.

Okay, I'm sorry.

You've nothing to be sorry for. That was great.

I almost kicked over the drink. So wrapping it up, if you haven't joined my mom group, come find me on Facebook, Whiny Blues and Mom Group. Lily's coming down to wrap us up. Hurry, hurry your buns up! And this Friday is Carrie Tepedino on the Friday— the Winey Palooza Friday Family Podcast. And the title of that one is Mastering Your Mindset. And wow, is she an inspiring lady. You're going to love her. And we are going to put in the comments She has a— I— oh, it's perfect for the topic!

Look at that!

I didn't plan that. Her event coming up is the I Believe event. It's coming up in September, and we're going to put the link in the comments. I lost my words. In case you want to attend, it's virtual. It's a virtual event. It sounds like it's fantastic. It reminds me of Tony Robbins She's a woman. She's— it's like a Tony Robbins tone to it. She's very inspiring. And she said that people tell her that they had life before the Believe event and life after the Believe event, that it's that good.

And life after is better.

So I am very intrigued.

Yes.

And anything else I'm forgetting?

You got it all.

Thank you everyone for watching with us and Lilybug.

Thank you for watching Winey Blues and Wednesday with the Dream Family. Ciao ciao, chickens!

Thank you everyone, have a wonderful week.

Bye!