Whinypaluza Wednesday Lessons Learned from our Marital Conflicts

Hello everyone, happy Whiny Blues Wednesday!

Happy Whiny Blues Wednesday!

I always say, how is everyone doing? And nobody answers me. I think it's because people have to like see that we're live and join us.

It takes a minute or two for you to get people starting to come on, so you saying now, how are you doing, doesn't do any good. Say, how are you doing at the end.

Well, It is quite the week in June, isn't it?

It's, it's a lot going on.

We were talking about feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

Yeah, a wee bit.

We've been overwhelmed. I think the most, um, helpful strategy for me is that I'm really focusing on each day and what needs to get done each day.

Yes, because it's a long list.

If I looked at the week I would just sit down and cry. And a lot of it's good stuff, Seth. Like, all good stuff, you know. Monday night was a chorus concert.

Yeah.

Tuesday night was an award ceremony. Yeah. Tonight was a track meet.

Yeah.

I mean, it's all good stuff.

It is good stuff.

So we had a couple, I would say, little tiffs.

Yeah.

I don't think they were big tiffs. But they were tiffs. And when we were taking a walk and we were debriefing, it's funny because I was like, hmm, what am I gonna write about and talk about this week? Because I pick a topic each week. Well, let's live in the moment. What is going on in the moment? What was going on in the moment of my thought of what am I going to talk about was Seth and I debriefing from our conflicts and We learned a lot from two little tiffs that we had, and I found it really helpful to debrief and talk about what we learned. So we wanted to share with you in hopes that it will further help us and you.

That's right, avoid our mistakes.

Yes, we did some stuff wrong. We did. So in the— I think that part of it is that May and June have been so busy that I think that the busyness is part of the lack of communication.

Okay.

I feel like we're balancing so many things. Like, think about the car thing. So Seth was rear-ended. He is okay, his car is okay, but he had a dent that he needed to get fixed. So we took his car to the car dealer to get fixed. I took him to the rental place to get the rental car. Seth had to get to work, he had a meeting, he had stuff he needed to do, so we had to go straight to work and I had to drop him off at work. So Seth didn't have a car, so I went home and proceeded with my day. And our son is 17 and he drives, so I said to Max, when you come home, stay home because we're going to take a car to Dad so that Dad has a car. And he— work is close now.

Now, before this all happened Rebecca's like, "We gotta bring you a car." And I said, "No, you don't." And she said, "What do you mean?" And I said, "My last meeting, I'm going to dinner with some friends at Black Blue. I will walk from my office to Black Blue, and then I will walk from Black Blue home." And she said, "You can't possibly walk home. That's ridiculous. You can't walk to Black Blue. I gotta bring you a car." I said, "No, no, no, really. It's 5 minutes there, 5 minutes home. 5-10 minute walk. It's a nice day out. I'm fine. I'll walk." And my wonderful wife did not hear me and insisted on bringing me a car. So you gotta have that preface.

I just think that I thought that he was just trying to be nice. I thought he really wanted— he really didn't want a car.

I was fine.

I was gonna walk. I thought he was being nice, and I knew that it would take us 10-15 minutes to drop off a car and come back, and that I could ask my son to help me. And now that Max can drive, I can do things like that. So I was like, you're gonna follow me and you're gonna pick me up at Dad's office and you're gonna take me home. And I had picked up Lily and brought Lily home before I proceeded to go to Seth's office.

I didn't know that was happening. I had assumed that she was dropping me a car off at like 2:45 when like Max was gonna come right out of school to my parking lot, Rebecca was gonna meet him there, they were gonna hand me a car at 2:45 and go home. We did not communicate. I did not know that that was not the plan. So the next part happened.

There is no way that I was going to tell Max to pull into work and wait and wait and that I would drop off your car. I was not planning. If you would have told me that, if you would have communicated, if you would have told me to do that, that is a much smarter idea than what I did. If you had said when Max pulls out of South, meet him in my parking lot and he could drive you home and you could leave me a car. That was so much smarter.

That was what was in my head. It was common sense to me. I assumed that was what was happening. Why would I need to tell you that?

The lack of communication in these conflicts.

Yes.

So he did not tell me what he expected. He did not tell me what he assumed.

Yep, I made an ass out of me.

And I was home. I dropped him off at work. I went home. I proceeded with my day. I picked up Lily. I brought Lily home. And then I said, Max, let's go drop a car off to your daddy. He doesn't have a car at work. So we go to work, I drop off the car, he's not at work. He walked down the street to a meeting.

Yes, I walked down the street to a meeting I had at 3:30 going, oh, it's 2:45, Max left school. I can see on Life360, didn't come here. Oh, they must be bringing me a car later, whatever. By 3:20, I'm like, they're not here. I'll just walk to my other meeting that happened to be out of my office.

So if you knew—

and then my wonderful wife, wife's not happy—

if you knew that your wife was bringing you up, I didn't know when. Why would you not tell her that you left the office, you were down the street at a meeting, and that she should probably bring the car where you are?

Number one, I didn't know when you were coming and you weren't there, so I was like, maybe she changed her mind, she's not bringing me the car and she's gonna let me walk. 2, there was no need for you— for me to actually be there. You could leave the cars with someone who— the keys with someone who worked for me, and I could walk back. I didn't need you to drive me the 3 blocks from Creekview to my office.

So in my mind, I went upstairs, I left his keys. Max was like— Max and Seth, not my most— not, not very patient men. I was sandwiched between not two very patient men. Seth was in a meeting going Just leave the keys.

I'm fine.

Max was down.

I need to come to you right now. I'm like, no, you don't. Just let me walk the 3 blocks.

Max was downstairs going, he said to leave the keys. Put the keys on his desk and let's go. Max is not very patient. So we left the car in the parking lot. I was not very happy with Seth for his lack of communication multiple times that day, and I left and went home. Annoyed wife number one. Yes, not a big, not a big issue, but a tiff that we tiffed. Tiff, tiff, tiff.

I think we'll have to check which word it is. Tiffed is like Tift Farms, right? I don't know if tiff is a word.

So we had a little squabble.

A squabble. We're coming up with word thesaurus tonight.

We definitely did not have a full-blown fight, but we definitely had—

I got a text going, I'm so annoyed at you right now.

Well, I was like, what the hell? How about, how about a text I'm leaving work, I won't be there when you bring the car. Like, if you know that your wife's bringing you a car, why wouldn't you tell her you were leaving?

Because one, I didn't know when you were bringing me the car at that point, and two, it didn't matter. All you had to do was hand Kristen the keys and I'm good.

Well, when you watch this, I know you'll all understand that he did not communicate, and I was annoyed, so I went home annoyed. Yeah, conflict number one. Yeah, conflict number 2, little squabbles. Conflict number 2, we go to the dance recital, Ella's dance recital. Now this was stressful because I was on a time crunch and I had dress— I had dance recital number 1, I had a little break to eat something and feed everybody, and then I had to get back to the place for Lily's dance recital because they weren't in the same dance recital. They were at the same studio, but the studio put them in two different recitals. So we watched Ella, we ate, and then we went to watch Lily. And we stayed in Lockport, and we stayed close to the theater, and we started walking to— you know, I had talked to some people about some restaurants. I got some recommendations. I told Seth, we're gonna go to Scrooge's. It's stuffed burgers. And we start walking to Scrooge's—

with Stooges.

And she said she had checked—

Scrooge's is a different restaurant in Charles Dickens' world. She said, I checked the menu, a la, look, they got chicken fingers, they got roast beef, we're— I looked at the menu, we are good. So in my head I said, ooh, stuffed burger, new place to try, she's checked the menu, we're good, that's where we're going.

And we had his mother with him. So yes, remember that in this story. So the four of us— Ella, Seth, Mom, me— yep, start walking to Stooges. And we're walking and we're walking and we pass— what is the restaurant? Something— another restaurant, a nice—

something— Lock 24, something—

34. I don't know. We pass a closer, nicer restaurant. Now when I looked up these restaurants, when I looked up these restaurants, I did not look at what is like the closest, which probably would have been most effective for my mother-in-law. I just looked up what is within walking distance.

And the person that you talked to told you that Lock 34 was fancy, and you didn't want fancy, and you wanted quicker.

Yeah, but when I—

she told me.

Oh my God, when I walked by the restaurant, it didn't look fancy, and I could sit outside, and I loved the menu, and I wanted to get salmon, and I wanted to eat healthy, and I was excited to go there. And Seth got annoyed and kept walking to Stooges.

Because first you were like, let me look at the menu, let me think about it. And I was like, it's gonna take half an hour, we don't have any time to eat. You— I'm exaggerating. You already looked at the menu, you already know, we already decided, you already researched, we're good. I'm going on a mission, I'm getting to my destination.

Okay, so Seth is on his way to Stooges and I'm standing at Lock 34 going, I want to eat here. And his—

well, you were saying, I'm thinking about it. You didn't say, I want to eat here. You said, what about this? It was not a direct, we're changing the plan.

So, so I was not direct enough, which we will talk about communication.

Yes.

And he was impatient and just kept walking, and his mother was like, how far is this place? So Heidi says Stooges is great, but I wanna— I do not agree. I'm gonna tell you about Stooges.

I liked my supper.

So I passed a nice restaurant where I could have eaten outside and had salmon.

And I thought you originally didn't have time for—

and I walk to Stooges much further with stairs, and my mother-in-law has to deal with walking further and dealing with stairs.

She has a cane.

And I walk up and I get inside and it's dark and dreary and inside and looks like a bar, and I don't want to be there. So I was annoyed with Seth. Yep, again, for But there's so much in this to unpack that I didn't know, okay? So what I want you to know about my husband, and I wasn't thinking about him, I was thinking about me. So I wasn't trying to get in Seth's shoes at all. I wasn't trying to figure out why he kept walking, why he wanted to go there. Ella was like, I want stooges, I'm following dad, I don't want this other place. And my mother-in-law was like, this place looks nice. So my mother-in-law and I should have stayed, yes, at Lock 34 and had lunch, and I should— or dinner or whatever it was, dinner, and I should have sent Seth and Ella off to Stooges.

That would have been a good solution.

That would have been a good solution, and I'll tell you why that would have been a good solution. Lock 34 is great. I hate how Stooges is not disabled friendly, and I have complained about this to them.

So they're in an old building, it's probably grandfathered in the building code, they don't have to replace the stairs with a ramp.

Heidi, 100%. That— and I learned a lesson with my in-laws.

Not like on that menu it says how many stairs they have, right?

But like, for, for my mother-in-law and her husband, yes, I need to be more conscious of seeing if restaurants have stairs, right?

Because he really can't do a lot of stairs.

So I needed to know there, there was no ramp, and I needed to know that it was not Seth is right on that. Yes, exactly. That you can't put in a ramp is what I think she's talking about.

It's also— no, no, no. That it's an old building. Yeah. They're under the old— like, our building is on an old building code.

Yeah.

So, like, we don't have to rip up all our stairs and replace them with elevators.

No, I understand what you're saying. So anyways, I learned that I have to research exactly how far something is. I have to research what is the closest restaurant.

Yeah. And maybe extra 2 blocks is not a big deal.

In a situation like that, I need to know what's the closest restaurant and is it handicapped friendly. So I learned two things and I also learned that my husband needs me to be completely direct.

Yes, you need me to be direct.

But he was not direct.

I was not.

In that if I would have tried to put myself in his shoes, Seth loves burgers. Why wasn't I thinking about him?

I've never had a Seth burger. When she said Seth burgers, I looked at it, I was like, oh my God, look at all these choices, this can be delicious.

Okay, so all he had to do in this whole conflict on the street in Lockport. All he had to do was say, "Honey, I really want to try a stuffed burger," and I would have gone, "Okay, done." I didn't think of that. I didn't know that he got attached to it and was excited for it. I didn't think of any of that, and had I known, the whole conflict would have been avoided. But instead, I was really pissed at him for just walking and just keeping on going.

And, and to be fair, I did stand with you for a minute or two, and then I watched your wheels turn, and I was in my head exaggerating, going, she said she was pressed for time, we don't really have time to then go think about another decision if we just got to do it.

So, so Heidi, we also don't know if Lock 34 would have taken too long, right? So we went to Stooge's. I reluctantly picked something unhealthy on the menu that I did not want. And had some food, and it was fine. I mean, it's a bar. It's not fine.

It's supposed to be 5 stars.

It's a bar. Ella loved her roast beef. Seth loved his burger. My mother-in-law should have— and I should have stayed at Lock 34. That's—

but you never would have done that, right? But that would have been like, we have to eat together, we cannot possibly separate, that's rude, and you're being ridiculous. You would have— if I had said let's split up, that's what you would have told me, and there might have been some choice words thrown in there.

Well, anyways, those were our two tips. Yes, squabbles, whatever.

I like squabbles.

You like squabbles better?

So squabble with you.

So in our debriefing, we learned some marital lessons.

Yes.

And I think the biggest thing as a therapist talking to any couple, family, child, parent, any sort of combo duo, it always comes down to lack of a— lack of communication or a miscommunication. It always comes down to communication. Are you communicating Are you communicating calmly? This one over here next to me does not tell me what he's thinking and it's really frustrating. So, here's what I would have wanted him to say in both of those situations.

Okay.

Situation number 1: Honey, I know you. I know you're trying to be nice to me. I don't want a car. I want to walk. Please don't bring me a car. I mean it. I'm not trying to be nice to you. I don't want a car. Second situation: honey, I know Lock 34 is looking appealing to you, but do you mind if we just go to Stooges anyway? Because I really want to try a stuffed burger. Both conflicts never would have happened. Lack of communication, right?

You are absolutely right that I could have done both of those things differently, and it doesn't— what you could have done.

Okay, so taking responsibility is number 2. I knew you were gonna say that. So it is very easy to point fingers. It is very easy for me to say—

when you point one finger at me, you got three pointing back at you.

Oh, where did you get that from?

Isn't that common sense? That's, that's forever. It's been around forever.

So we need to look in the mirror and look at what we did wrong. I was not direct. I—

so you didn't ask questions?

I didn't ask.

You didn't tell me, this is when I'm gonna bring you a car. There was a lot of— time's not gonna work, don't worry about it. I won't be there.

There was— I didn't know there was— I thought— this is what I thought.

See, you assumed too.

I thought you had to be at Black and Blue at 5 o'clock.

I did.

I also had to be somewhere else. I didn't know, but I didn't know. I thought you were at work until 5.

You didn't ask. It's true, you didn't.

Oh my God, let's try not to fight again.

We're not fighting. Okay, so was— you were just supposed to point out what I did wrong and what I learned from this, but we weren't supposed to talk about anything you could learn at all?

I learned a lot from this. I learned so much. I learned— yes, I, I learned that I wasn't getting in Seth's shoes at all. I wasn't understanding where he was coming from for either conflict. I didn't think about the fact that I'm married to the Burger King who loves to try burgers. Like, where was my brain? He loves a good burger. How about getting outside of myself and the salmon that I wanted?

I'll get you some I don't know, salmon's my new obsession. Yes.

And I saw that they had salmon on the menu, so I wanted to stop, get outside of myself and what I want, and think about my husband and the fact that he loves burgers and wanted a burger. So I didn't get in your shoes.

Yes, I've had Grover's, Heidi. Thank you. Those are enormous. That's a multiple meal burger.

But I would go split one with you. Do they let you split them?

Would you like to go to Grover's with me and we can pick a date and time to go?

Yes! Thank you for the direct communication.

There you go.

I was not direct. I did not ask questions. I made assumptions, and I did not get in your shoes. I learned a lot. Yes, I learned a lot.

And you know what, also, I'm working on being more flexible, but it does drive me crazy when I think you've told me what the plan is and then you change it.

This is our—

I'm working on—

this is one of our fundamental marital issues, is that I'll say to Seth, okay, Friday night we're gonna go to this restaurant with so-and-so, and I'll tell him couple days, 5 o'clock this is where we're going. And then I'll say, oh honey, we changed the time to 6 o'clock and we decided to go here instead. It drives him crazy. He likes to know what the plan is.

Just make one decision and stick to it.

He's married to a woman. What? You know, you could go marry a man.

No thank you.

They're much more decisive. I won't be gender specific here, but I think that My observation is that women change their minds more. You all can tell me that I'm wrong.

Certain women.

This woman.

This woman is the only one that matters to me.

Okay, well, we talked about taking responsibility and looking in the mirror.

Yes.

Pointing a finger, it's easy to say, Seth, you didn't communicate, this is what you did wrong. It is not easy to look in the mirror and take responsibility for what you did wrong. And as the therapist I spoke to today, psychologist, said today, we only have control over our own behavior.

Correct.

Right. We talked about practicing empathy, getting in each other's shoes. How was I feeling?

Uh, which time?

Let's talk about the burger place. How was I— do you know how I was feeling and why I was wavering?

Yes, I think you were— well, you were certainly frustrated with me, you were annoyed with me, you thought I was being selfish. You thought I was getting Ella to join in my escapade, and that you were trying to do something healthier for you, easier for my mother. It was my mother that you were trying to be nice to, and I should have jumped at that opportunity. And how dare I be selfish and ignore you and be rude and keep going and get Ella to follow in my footsteps to go get the other place. Well, and why couldn't I be flexible?

Because what happens is that, especially with Ella, is that he says something like, I'm going to Stooges.

I didn't say I'm going to— I said you told us.

I'm just giving you an example.

Sorry.

He'll say something and then Ella will mimic him and follow him and take his lead. Like, yeah, we're going to Stooges. I want Stooges. I didn't do it because of him. I did it because I was already upset about how my dance went and I didn't want to make more decisions, so I just want to stick with what we were doing.

I did not know that. Did you know this? No, we did not put ourselves— when our conflict, we did not put ourselves in your shoes, Ella.

Well, thank you.

See, it wasn't all my fault. Come on down, Ella.

Right, but his lack of flexibility, you can cut— you tend to copy his lack of flexibility because he's— sometimes he's not— sometimes I'm not a good role model, and sometimes he's not a good role model. I'm not denying that, but I'm I'm not saying you're wrong in this instance. Okay, well thank you for the fair—

Oh, thank you. See, it's a little less my fault. You're hired, Ella. Why weren't you happy about your dance? You did awesome.

I felt I could have done better. Ella did a great job. You did a great job. In her first dance recital.

I didn't notice a single thing wrong.

Okay, so let's move on to marital tips. Thank you, Ella, for the—

Yeah, all right, Ella. Guest appearance. Cameo by Ella.

She's always listening. She's always over there listening. Compromise. Marriage is a give and take. You can't give all the time.

I was taking my way to the Burger Place.

You were taking— I, I was taking and you were taking.

Yeah, I think we both at the same time.

Neither of us was giving.

I'm sorry about that.

And I think that a compromise would have been, honey, you and Ella want to go to Stooges, go to Stooges. I'm gonna stay here.

But then I couldn't have done that because I would have known that you didn't really mean that, that that was going to result in you being upset at me later, and I would I would have said, "Oh, screw it, we'll just go to this damn salmon place." Anyways, I'm glad you got your stuffed burger. Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm sorry about the conflict that it caused. In retrospect, it wasn't— the burger wasn't so good that it was worth the conflict. I should have gone with the salmon.

It's not a big deal. I just needed to know what you were thinking. If you could tell me what you're thinking more often, we would have a lot less conflict.

Alright, I will work on that.

Okay. I statements. I feel sad when you keep walking away from me.

Yes, I know that you are right. So instead of you are, you are doing this, yes, it's about me as the person saying you are making I feel this way when this happens.

I feel sad when you do this.

Yes, when I feel frustrated when you change the plan. I would like you to be flexible and go with I'm working on it every day. I just failed that day.

Okay, well wait, so now tell me what you would like. You would like me to be consistent and keep the plan? I would like—

if at all possible, yes. I know that you're gonna change your mind and it should not have been a big deal and I'm sorry. So this was more my fault than yours.

During a conflict we need to stand. And in this whole conflict, everybody, I would like to tell you that I wasn't being selfish and only thinking of myself in this scenario. I was thinking about my mother-in-law who was like, how much further is this place? And I was like, there's a place right here.

I had to put it right in our path.

Anyways, stay calm and respectful. Sometimes, yeah, I do a great job with that. Sometimes I am calm, I am respectful. Sometimes I escalate and say things that I regret, right?

I don't— in this time, I don't think— I don't remember you saying anything that you would regret. I remember some gestures I wasn't thrilled with.

I was like, I'm gonna give you a knuckle sandwich.

I prefer peanut butter and jelly.

Oh my God. Okay, so we're gonna calm and respectful as often as we can.

Yes.

We don't want to call each other names, which—

no, I don't think you did that.

We, we did not do that, but I'm not going to tell you right in the last 20 years it's happened. Yes. We were talking today, the psychologist and I were talking about, um, the B-I-T-C-H word in relation to children, daughters.

Oh, okay. Yes.

Her first— the first title of her book was I think it was Why Is She Such a Bitch? and she changed it to Sassy and Rude.

Oh, first title was way better. I'm trying to remember so many more.

I'm trying to remember the rest of the title of the book, but she changed the title, or maybe her publisher changed the title.

But we could have done some split testing and told her that would have sold more copies.

We were talking about how many times that we have wanted to say the B-word. Yes, yes, not to me, obviously not to you. No, regular check-ins. So throughout our marriage, we're experiencing different marriages. I don't know if you know that, but Seth has a marriage and I have a marriage, and we have a marriage. Well, we have a marriage, we're married to each other, but you're experiencing the marriage differently than I'm experiencing the marriage. So it's nice to say, how's your marriage? He'll say to me— yes, he has learned this from me— he will say to me Honey, how's your marriage going? To check in with me to see how it's going.

Yes, and if I had asked those days, it might not have been going as well.

Yeah, you didn't want to ask me those days. Um, not that it was a big deal, but I was annoyed.

You were annoyed.

So what's going well? What isn't going well? What do you want to work on together? It's just good to do regular check-ins, right? Yes, yes. And debrief after conflicts. We do this we do this a lot because we talk about what went wrong. Why did we both get upset? Why did that escalate? How could we have done it better? Um, I think that most— I think those two examples, I think if we would have communicated differently, better, I don't think it would have even happened.

Totally could have been avoided.

Totally could have been avoided. I apologize for for both. Active listening. Me too, honey. I wish I wouldn't have gotten annoyed. Active listening. So what that looks like is neither of us has our phone in our hands, neither of us is watching TV or looking at the computer screen, and we are not sitting there thinking about what we are going to say next, right? We are just listening.

I'm listening.

I— what do you think? What do you think? I think we're good listeners.

Yes.

Okay, so I think that is all my tips.

Awesome.

And I'm going to tell them to communicate clearly and calmly, calmly, over and over again in your day. And I think that what Seth has realized, that is, that he can't really over-communicate. Like telling me, I'm gonna be home around 5 o'clock today for dinner. Or I'm gonna be home around 5 o'clock today, or I'm so sorry, I thought I was going to be done at 6, this meeting is taking a long time, it's going to be more like 6:30 or 7 o'clock.

Yep.

So I'm just using that as an example, right? So communication— I don't know that we can over-communicate.

You tell me if I'm ever over-communicating and the pigs will fly, and then I'll back off a little bit.

Well, the funny thing is you will say to me, I'm gonna go take a shower And right, you're like, I didn't need to know that. I'm like, okay, well, no, I, I actually am sitting here thinking it's so nice because there are so many times in the house where I'm like, where the hell did he go?

There are plenty of times that I don't know where you— that you just disappear. And I'm like, oh, Life360 said she left. I'm like, where'd you go? Oh, she went to go to a PTA thing. Like, I didn't know you were leaving.

Like, I didn't tell you I was leaving. I tell you when I'm leaving.

You said later, I am gonna go pick up checks or whatever it is that you were doing, but you didn't say, hey, I'm actually leaving the house now. Like, I found out when the door went beep beep, and I was like, oh, did she leave? And it was you coming back.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, Max was like, where'd Mom go? I'm like, isn't she here? No. I'm like, oh, oh, she must have gone to do the PTA thing that she said she was going to do, but she did not tell me she actually left.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Huh. Okay.

I think if anything, I do over-communicate in that department. I try to.

I could, yes. I like to try to tell you where I'm going.

Or you say, "I'm gonna go take a shower," and half an hour later the water still hasn't turned on because you stopped and folded laundry on the way or checked your phone and got lost in messages.

When you—

And I'm like, "Oh, is your shower over?" And you're like, "I haven't even taken one yet." Well, I get— It's mom world.

I get distracted along the way to the shower.

Very true.

So those were our two little conflicts. Yes. Not too big. Let's keep them small.

Let's keep them bite-sized.

And let's learn from this to prevent future ones.

Yes.

So what is your biggest takeaway, Mr. Green?

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Tell you what I'm thinking, tell you what my plan is so that we— and what I'm thinking so that we're on the same page, or at least you can correct the page I'm on.

Do you agree that if you would have told me that you wanted a burger that that whole thing would have been avoided?

Um, I agree it would have been significantly reduced. I think in retrospect you would like to think that if I said that you'd just been like, okay, let's go get a burger. But I— there, there's a part of me that thinks that I could have told you that and you could have been like, well, it's not about you, your mother's tired and she doesn't want to walk any further and I want some damn salmon and it's right here. Yeah, I don't know if it would have completely eliminated— I think it would have reduced it. Yeah, I'll give you, I'll give you the reduction. I don't know if it would be a complete absolution.

Okay, and my takeaway— lots of takeaways— but I think that I really need to be more direct. And I think that since I met you, I think when I met you, I was much more indirect than I am 20 years.

Oh, you've gotten so much better.

So it's been 20 years, and I think that you've made me more direct.

Thank you.

And I think you've encouraged me to be more direct.

Yes, please.

And I think that because you're so direct, you've taught me to be.

I appreciate that.

And I appreciate when people are direct.

Makes your life easier.

I don't want people to be like, uh, I'm not sure, I have to think about it when they don't really want to do something or can't do something or whatever. Yes, I think we should all be direct.

Direct is good.

And what I have learned is you can be direct kindly. Yes, you don't have to be aggressive or abrasive in the direct communication. We can be kind with it. 100%, right?

You teach me that a lot.

So hopefully we can prevent future squabbles.

We get better every time. Yeah, get your reps in.

And hopefully everybody learns something for their marital relationship in the future.

Awesome.

For the future.

You got it.

So, okay, so we talked about marriage. Let's talk about the podcast. So this Friday— children—

reality TV, baby.

Friday, Amy Tyler is on the podcast and she is talking about optimizing our children's brain health. So you're gonna love her, and I learned from her and you'll learn from her. And the June Summer Challenge is going on in the Wine and Clues a Mom group on Facebook. It's free, it's supportive. Come find us, come join us. And this is the last day of the challenge, but you can— I will give it a day or two, you can jump in and and you can go back. There's 5 days of questions. Go answer the questions and comment, and all of your comments get entered for summer prizes. So I will give it a couple days for everybody to answer stuff because people are still doing it, and then I will choose a name for the winner. And what else, honey?

Uh, go to winyblues.com, check out the Linktree of all of the Breathe by Becca's amazing resources, the podcast, the blog, the books, the newsletter. Like, share, rate, comment, subscribe, review on all your favorite platforms.

I leave that for you because you do it so much better than I do.

I don't know about that, but thank you.

So thank you for joining us, and we hope—

watching Winey Blues Wednesday.

We hope that you are surviving June with us.

We're June jungle. We're navigating.

We're going through the June jungle day by day, and it's crazy and good and crazy. So anyways, have a wonderful week and, uh, we will see you next week.