Whinypaluza Wednesday Life Lessons To Learn

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Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha chicken, cha-cha chicken.

Thanks, Baby Kate. Whoa, thanks, beautiful singer. Hello everybody!

Hello everybody!

How is everyone doing? Are you enjoying this beautiful summer day? Believe it or not, Seth, some people have been posting that their kids go back to school next week.

Not people in our neck of the woods.

No, in our neck of the woods we get to enjoy August, and I am in pure summer mode. And for those of you who are celebrating that Halloween stuff is entering the stores.

Crazy.

I am not one of those people. Summer, summer, summer, stay. In fact, the air is already feeling a little chillier, don't you think?

I do not.

I— well, it's— it was super hot today, but I feel like the evenings are getting chillier and darker earlier. But I'm still going to enjoy the whole month of August and all of the summer, and I am not ready for school or fall. So let's stay in summer mode, people. Anyways, my topic this week is life lessons to learn. And the reason why I picked this topic is because I had a really fascinating conversation with a name lady. Dr. Liz says no back to school or Halloween stuff.

Put it away.

I love her. I knew we would agree. So I had a lovely conversation with the name lady, is what I call her. Her name is Sharon Lynn Wyeth. And if you listen, she was on my podcast, and I did book a session with her because she takes your name and she analyzes it. So she took my whole name, and she told— and she, from my name, she talked about all the lessons that I'm supposed to be learning. And I I agreed with all of them. I was like, uh-huh, uh-huh. And you're going to understand as I tell you about these lessons. And the reason why I'm sharing them is because we can all benefit from this.

Yes.

This is— I know that some of these lessons are not for you and don't apply to you. But some of these lessons, you're going to go, oh yeah, I need to learn that too. So let's see what you think.

Drum roll.

And you tell me as we go through this, because we haven't done this. Let's go through this and see what you think of them too.

Okay.

So tell me if you're good or bad at these lessons as we go through.

Okay.

Okay. So number one is learning about commitments. And I'm laughing at this because if you know me, I have a lot of commitments.

Make too many commitments and overcommitment issues.

I didn't look at commitments the way that she explained them to me. She told me that if I set my alarm for 7:00, that's a commitment, right?

And if you snooze, you're breaking your commitment.

If I tell Max I'm going to pick him up at 4:00, I've made a commitment. If I say I'm going to walk 2 miles, I've made a commitment. So she says I need to— not only do I need to keep my commitments, but I need to make fewer commitments. And she said when you say see you soon, you're making a commitment to see someone soon. So she said to really think before you speak about—

do you really mean it? Because there are times that we say, yeah, we should get together, but you know you're not getting together.

Well, sometimes I mean what I'm saying.

Yes.

Life gets in the way, or I let life get in the way, right?

She would say you let life.

So tell me, I want to hear about you guys. Do you feel like you overcommit? Do you feel like you undercommit? My mom cracks me up because she says what she has taught me is it's okay to change your mind. So she'll be like— and be nice. So she'll be like, I don't feel like coming over.

I don't feel like doing whatever I said I was gonna do today.

So I love that she has given herself that freedom to do that because I don't think that I do that. But anyways, So lesson 1 is around commitments.

Yeah.

Lesson number 2 is— Lily, can you try to be quieter, honey? Uh, looking underneath at a deeper level. And this one really resonated with me because I'm the type of person that whether we're talking about religion or politics or vaccines or I'm talking to a friend or a friend is acting off, I want to know what's going on underneath the issue. Like, why is this friend acting off? Why is my husband acting off? Why is my child misbehaving? Like, what is— it makes sense for my route of career because I'm a good private investigator is what she told me, which is so true. And I want to— which things, Jamie? Which things?

Jamie says don't talk about those things. For those of you listening to this—

oh, which thing? Oh, oh, Jamie and I literally just had a conversation. And And what I said to Jamie was, what happened to politics and religion being like off limits? What happened to it being private? Why do we feel like we can— it's kind of like what Jamie said was, you don't ask a woman her age, you don't ask a woman her weight, you don't ask her— don't ask about politics and religion, people. Yes, politics, religion, vaccines, off limits.

Let's not talk about it. Yeah, apparently social media has changed all that and everybody feels free to spout off whatever uninformed opinion they have.

I agree.

So anyways, for tuning in, Jamie and Dr. Liz and Aaron and everybody else and participating.

So, um, anyways, um, I like to look underneath and I like to be a private investigator and I like to know what's really going on. And I like that that leads me to deeper connections with people. And the reason I bring that up is not to veer onto a different topic, but I have talked to other women about the fact that we used to gather berries. Women used to gather berries together. They used to meet at the water to do laundry together. They parented in a village together. Women are supposed to make deep connections and have relationships.

And how you survive— hey, don't eat those berries, those are poisonous. My— okay, we'll avoid those. Teamwork.

So anyways, women need connections. So make deep connections. It'll help you feel less overwhelmed. It will help you feel less depressed, frustrated. We need— women need connections. Yes. Okay. She told me to be in charge of myself. And I laughed when she said this because she said, don't give up your power for peace. And I laughed because if you know me, yep, I want peace. I was the peacemaker in high school. This is how I led to social work, people. I like peace, and if you want to be in charge, I want to keep the peace. And is it worth my battle to be in charge? And the way that she explained it to me is that I need to at least be in charge of myself. It's not about being in charge of others. It's about following what I believe and to not let other people take me on other paths. So just being true to myself and my own values. And I think that that will resonate with a lot of you, so I wanted to share that. I'm not asking you if you resonate with these. You're good at being in charge of yourself.

Yes.

This is not for you.

It is not. I have figured this issue out.

You, um, I don't know that you like—

We have the issue because you want me to commit to other things that other people want. And I try and sometimes say no.

No, you're good at saying no. That is— I don't think that's one of your issues. I think you're good at saying no. I think that's part of why I was attracted to you. I think we're very different.

Yes.

Yes. Okay. This one is humongous. Find your balance and your value. And I was like, wow, like, this is like the one of my biggest lessons. And I'll tell you why. I used to, and I say used to because I'm not like this anymore, to a point. I think I've made progress, Seth. I used to wake up and go 100 miles a minute until I went to bed, and then I would crash in my bed, and Seth would be like, how do you go to bed so easily?

Well, falls asleep in 2 seconds.

If you're going 100 miles a minute all day, yes, you're exhausted and you fall asleep. And I was literally going to bed every night going Okay, I did ABCD, but I didn't get to XYZ. And I was setting myself up to be disappointed in myself every night and to feel like I wasn't measuring up. And so I realized this before I even talked to the name lady. I call her the name lady.

You do call her the name lady.

Is that bad that I call her the name lady?

You have to ask her if her name says she's going to be okay with being called the name lady. Maybe that's one of her lessons.

So anyways, I realized that I was tying my value to what I was accomplishing all day. And Seth has been integral in helping me change this because Seth will say to me, go sit down. And he will say to me, slow down, take care of yourself. He doesn't care if there's dishes in the sink. He doesn't care if the laundry is overflowing. He doesn't care if there's dinner on the table. Now, mind you, he comes home starving, and I try to have dinner on the table.

But I've never criticized you or yelled at you if there was not. No, but if you came home and I was like, Seth, I'm so tired, I can't cook, you text me and go, either you're grilling, honey, or, um, we're ordering, what do you want?

Yeah, so you've been— yes, you've— he's just very understanding, and he's not one of those husbands. Husbands, if you're listening to me, or wives, if you're listening to me and your husbands do this, have a nice conversation with them about not liking this. Because I have had women say to me that— um, hi Sandy! I have had women say to me that their husbands are like, what did you do all day? Like wanting like a spreadsheet.

Yeah, I'm trying to guess who that might be. No, I do not want to know what you accomplished in your day.

And I'm like, oh no, like that wouldn't fly with me, and that would just make me feel inferior, right? And I already am hard enough on myself.

Enough self-guilt. You don't need someone else piling it on.

No. So I have learned that my value is not tied to what I accomplish, and I have learned that I need to pace myself better. And guess what?

What?

If you do nothing, you are still of value. Do you know that?

It's not based on what you do, it's based on who you be.

Yes. So I laughed when she told me that this was one of my lessons, because one of my New Year's resolutions—

yep—

I said I wanted to Do less and be more. So I guess I'm on target for the lessons that I'm supposed to be learning.

Awesome.

Okay, next: take care of myself. So we were laughing hysterically about this one because she said, you picked a spouse. Now she doesn't know Seth very well, she's just looking at his name and telling you this. You picked a spouse to teach you how to take care of yourself. You literally chose him and he's showing you how to take care of yourself and you're getting annoyed by it.

Yeah, this is a regular issue. No, no, no, no, it has been.

I have improved.

Yes, you have improved. It used to be a regular issue.

Okay, so it used to be like— this is an example.

Yep.

He's sitting there reading and my head is spinning. How is he sitting there reading when there is so much to do? How does he do that? Okay, if you are jealous of something Pay attention. What are you jealous of?

And why?

If you're jealous of something, that means you need to do it. If you're jealous of your friend in Florida, go to Florida. If you're jealous of your husband reading, go sit down and read with him. Why is this such a hard concept?

Because you have this whole mommy brain that's trained you that you have to go, go, go, and you can't possibly just sit and take care of yourself.

Okay, so With that being said, what I have said to Seth is just remind me to join you.

Come to the dark side.

So if I see him reading, put the dishes down and go sit down and read. If I see him watching TV and I want to go— if you've turned on a movie or something, got it, you're usually reading something, right? Or what else makes me jealous?

Meditation.

Meditation. I will come downstairs and he's deep in meditation and I'm like, I have to get Lily to camp and I have to get Max to soccer and I have to make— you know, like, obviously the answer is get up earlier.

Yeah.

So that you can meditate.

Yeah.

But anyways, I need to join him and not be annoyed by him and learn by him.

Yes. So Mickey Farber says hi.

I'm sorry, Mickey Farber. Hi, Mickey.

Okay.

Lesson number 6, safety. Safety first. This is hysterical because I call myself the safety police, and Max would tell you that he thinks I'm overprotective.

Yep, that's proudly— we are proudly overprotective. I admit to that too. I'm guilty of that. Captain of the club.

I was raised by protective parents. I'm a protective parent, and I always say safety first. I tell them that I will bend on most things, but I won't bend on safety. And what that looks like is teaching them about strangers, teaching them about crossing the street, teaching them about the dangers of social media, teaching them about water safety. I told the girls it's going to be a long time till I let them sit in the front seat because they're so small. Any other key safety points?

I think you covered most of them.

I know that you don't want to upset your child and they're going to say things like, well, my friends sit in the front seat. Please don't be afraid to upset your child over safety. Yeah, it's worth it. It's just not negotiable to me. I told my children that swim lessons weren't negotiable. I said, you will be mandated to learn how to swim. You have to know how to swim. I won't negotiate with you. So I am the safety police. Yes. You agree?

I have been a founding member of safety patrol. You used to call me safety patrol.

I think that you are probably— do you think that you're more safety patrol than me?

Depends on the topic, which part of safety. There are things that I am more safety patrol than you are, and there are things that you certainly win in that department.

Absolutely. And taking care of yourself is not a lesson you need to learn. Balance and value, I don't think you need to learn that. I think these, a lot of these do not resonate with you.

But I think deeper connections does.

Deeper connections does.

Yes.

Can you tell me more about that?

I, I I need to spend more time improving some of my connections. You tell me to have deeper conversations and know what's going on in people's lives and improve that part of my communication.

I think part of it is just masculine, and please forgive me.

That's okay for the stereotype.

I'm being stereotypical, but like, I went and talked to my friend and I wanted to talk to her for 3 more hours. Whereas Seth talks to someone for 30 minutes and he's like, okay, nice to see you.

Yes, I am. I'm freely admit I am very guilty of that. I do. They have to hang out all day. I talked to him. I got— I'm good.

I don't understand the difference in us with that.

Well, you understand you, you don't understand me.

I understand that I can talk.

I can't possibly figure out what you have to talk about for 3 hours.

That's what Ella said, right?

I mean, we, we, you know, pool, I think, whatever. Somebody was— what, we had some people and they were talking and I was like, what are you talking about? I don't understand. But apparently they have a lot. I, I don't get it. I'm a guy, I just don't get it.

Well, Ella doesn't get it either because she said to me at dinner one night, how do you talk to your friends for hours?

Maybe I just— maybe I need more to talk about. I don't know. I'm not into small talk, so if you eliminate that Like, I was just playing with a group of guys and they spent half an hour talking about the Yankees. I don't care. Hey now, I don't care about baseball. I don't watch baseball. I had a lovely time playing, but I wasn't participating in the Yankee conversation. I know nothing about the Yankees.

Understand? Okay, number 7. Number 7, Seth is gonna laugh at.

Hang on. There are no lack of topics. Lifetimes, lives, women connect. We need information and support.

And I totally agree, Jamie. And—

Okay, sorry about that. If we— hang on, wait, we should be back. Can you comment if you can see us? Sorry about the technical error.

What did you do?

All right, we're good. We're back.

So what I was gonna say that was screwed up—

sorry about that—

is that there was no small talk. We don't have small talk. It's like deep conversations. It's like deep conversations where I'm like, I have to go get Lily. I don't want to go get Lily. I'm in the middle of a conversation. I have to stop my conversation.

I'm gonna have to have you record one of these for 3 hours and have it transcribed, and I'll read through it in about 15 minutes, and then I'll see what exactly is going on over here.

Okay, lesson number 7.

Okay, one more quick question. Of that 3-hour conversation, I'm gonna take a wild stab that 80 to 90% of it was parenting and children and, and parent-related.

Um, we did talk about our kids, but we talked about a lot of things.

Okay.

Um, I will think about it and report back.

I would love to know.

I, I will take notes.

I don't have that much to communicate.

I, I don't know. There's some— we talked about How we couldn't believe how people are talking about religion and politics.

Like, it's like 30 seconds. I can't believe it. Me either.

We're good. But nothing is a 30-second conversation.

That's not— it could be. You are choosing to make it ours, but it could be.

Oh my God, I don't communicate like—

right, that's exactly the point that we have come to. And now let's move on to lesson number 7.

Okay, handling my emotions, which I've just created some emotions in you.

Sexy stuff sometimes surfaces. Yes, see, that we could talk about. That takes more than 10 seconds to talk about.

We talk about so many things. We talk about husbands, we talk about kids, we talk about—

my wife is fabulous—

friendships. We talk about— oh, we talked about school, we talked about teachers.

Yeah, that wouldn't be on my list. There's some teachers, they do some teaching and they learn some stuff.

Sorry. Okay, handling my emotions.

Yes, that I'm annoying you with.

Well, it is so funny because I feel things so deeply. I'm a lot like my daughter Lily, and I feel love very deeply, which benefits, and I will get angry, and I will get very sad, and I will feel overwhelmed. Like, I feel like so many emotions. I will feel very excited about something.

Yes.

You see me get super excited. So I have super emotions.

You really do.

So one of my lessons—

learning that lesson.

So one of my lessons is to learn to handle my emotions and to not let— not to— to not let the people around me suffer like the child over from my emotions. So I might vent out my anger and upset my family, and that's not okay. So her advice was to go outside and do jumping jacks, scream counting until I let the emotions out.

I haven't seen you do that yet.

I haven't done that yet. But I will tell you that I remember being in my car by myself and screaming one day.

Yep.

And I remember that just getting that stuff out of me felt so much better. And the reason I am telling you this is because I want you to find what works for you. Like Lily and I have found that we have to just separate. You have to separate and get space, or like, we will escalate next time.

Right, because you both feel very intensely and you magnify the intensity of that negative emotion. Oh, Lily would like to participate. Are you going to stop making noise with the toys and come participate?

In winter one time, me and my mom got really mad, so we ran outside and put our coats on and we screamed.

Oh, we did!

I did not know this.

Yes, we did. Did it work? Did it make you feel better? So see, you're like me and you feel very deeply, and we need to get those emotions out, but not directed at other people, right?

Or near them.

So if you— so Kelly Hutchison talks about being a Coke or a calzone. So if you're a Coke, you let your feelings out, they explode, maybe a little bit too much, and you need to learn how to let them out a little more appropriately. And if you're a Calzone—

or slowly open the bottle and they fizz out a little bit.

If you're a Calzone, you stuff your feelings.

That's right.

And I don't want you to do either of those things. If you're a Calzone, I want to challenge you to talk to your loved ones. Tell them how you're feeling. Get it out. You will feel so much better. Stuffing it is not good for you.

Get it out in a constructive manner.

Get it out in a constructive manner. And if you're a Coke, get it out in an appropriate manner so that you're not hurting your loved ones.

Like maybe it's a Diet Coke with a lot of those chemicals in there.

And maybe, maybe you're taking a break before you talk about your feelings so that you're in a more resourceful place.

Yes.

So those are the 7 lessons that I'm supposed to be learning. I think I'm working on all of them.

You are. You're doing a great job.

And I love to talk. I love talking about life lessons. I love learning more every day. I hope that you love learning more every day. I would love to hear about what lessons you are learning. Keep sending. What were you going to say?

I said I love learning how to handle my emotions.

You two are working on it together.

I love the topics you're sending me. I love the guests you're sending me for my podcast. And Dr. Liz is on my podcast tomorrow and I am so excited. I just loved talking to her. She is such a knowledgeable lady. I believe that we titled it Mom Boss Work-Life Balance, something, something like that. Something—

make sure you check it out on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Pandora, Audible, and YouTube.

You're gonna love her as much as I did. So please tune in. And, um, we have the August challenge going on in my Winey Clues and Mom group.

What month is August?

Romance Awareness Month, baby. So we're doing a romantic challenge. You don't have to be in a relationship, you just need to answer the questions based on a relationship in your life. So today was, how did you meet your spouse? I want to hear. If you do not have a partner, spouse, boyfriend, etc. Tell me how you met one of your best friends.

Ah, that's cool.

So what I talked about in the comments was I met Seth and Temple, and I talked about the fact that I met one of my best friends on the school bus freshman year. I went up to her and started talking to her, and I didn't know she was an introvert who thought that I was insane. That later came out in a conversation many years later.

I did not know that she thought that.

But we did become best friends. Yes. So are you gonna sing us out, baby? Sure, hit it, hit it!

Thank you for watching!

Thank you everyone for watching!

Thank you for tuning in and participating.

We will see you next week.

Cha-cha chicken!