Whinypaluza Wednesday - Little changes aren’t so little!

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

Nice wine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Reed family!

Cha-cha-chicken!

Ella, give it to Daddy please. Thank you, Ella. Can you hold it?

Thank you. Clip it.

You gotta clip it. You gotta clip it. Oh, I'm trying to wake up. I'm ready for bed. What about you? It feels very late. You know what's funny to me? That I want to climb in bed and the 8-year-old is like, no, don't make me go to bed. I'm like, please let me go to bed.

And then I ask her, what do you want to stay up so late for? Or in it to play more Roblox or something.

Like, "Ooh, that sounds like I gotta stay up for that." So we had some unfortunate excitement in our house last night. Would you like to tell them what happened?

Sure. Um, I have a wonderful client who gave us beautiful engraved Cutco knives as a present for the work we've done for them, and I was trying to get the COVID off of one of the knives that we have kept because Rebecca doesn't want the kids to accidentally touch it. And when I tried to get the COVID off, it was stuck and I pulled and sliced my finger open and went to the ER— emergency— urgent care to go get stitches last night. So that was our unfortunate excitement. And then I had to have my staff help me a lot today because I can't carry anything with this hand. I can't type with this hand. I can't do much one-handed and I'm right-handed and I can't use my right hand.

Never a dull moment.

So thank you to my wonderful staff for helping me today, my wonderful wife for helping me today with stuff I couldn't do because I'm differently abled.

So, and Lily. So that's what's going on in our house.

How about you guys?

What's going on in your house? Um, so we had an unfortunate accident last night, but he's okay, and I told him it could have been so much worse.

Yes.

So he got 5 stitches. Thankfully we were in and out of urgent care even though nobody wants to go near the hospital or urgent care.

That's why we were in it. That's why it was a 10-minute— less than a 10-minute wait because no one's going there. Ah, so support your local clinic.

Oh my God, so Lily swallowed a Lifesaver tonight and was like, oh, it hurts. I was like, no.

I did not know this. When did this happen?

When I said I need a calm night. I am still traumatized from last night.

Oh, I thought you were saying something. You didn't want her eating the candy because you didn't want her stomach to hurt.

No, I didn't want her to eat the candy for multiple reasons, including that she just swallowed.

Oh, I totally missed this.

Okay, so that, that's good. I'm glad you're okay.

I can't do the Heimlich one-handed, but I could punch you in the stomach. Oh my God.

I— yeah, I needed a calm night Tonight, so here we are with our topic of the week. Yes, this week I chose, you know, I have so many topics swarming in my brain to write, and I also welcome your suggestions, so feel free to suggest. I love when you suggest stuff. Um, this week I decided to do Little Changes Aren't So Little. And the— and there were two inspirations for this vlog. Inspiration number one is Seth and I are on an Andy Andrews kick. We love to read. Um, I read every night before bed. It's my routine to wind down. I started with The Traveler's Gift that you heard about, and I just finished The Little Things, which is part of where this vlog came from. Lily is the other inspiration for the blog, as I saw little changes I was making giving me big results with Lily. And then next I'm going to read The Noticer. So we are enjoying Andy Andrews' books.

Yes, and for full— Andy's been on my podcast, I am on his podcast next week. I sent him your blog, um, so super excited to hear what he thinks about it.

Yes, maybe he'll— if we— we'll see if we talk about him, maybe we could send him the vlog. Yes, but we did send him the blog. Hopefully he'll enjoy it, and I did quote him. So I started— as I was reading his book The Little Things, I started to think about all the little changes that I've been making and noticing that the little changes— I might think that they're little, but they're giving me big results. So I wanted to share some of them with you, and I did write about them, so you can always go read my blog. But I am going to talk about them. So I want to start with Lily Love. Lily, can you go get me the rocks on the island? Can you go run and get them? Run, run, run!

You bring one or two, enough. Okay, bring one or two. Don't bring the whole bowl.

Pick your favorite one so you don't break the bowl. So you don't need another, um, a fifth this $18 purchase was a really good investment. And I decided to buy some rocks for our family. And it stemmed from me having a— I have a green rock that said hope on it that I use, that I rub, and that I keep with me. And I realized how much I loved my rock and I wanted my family to have the same experience. So I bought a, I have a little bowl of rocks and they say all different things on them. Hope and dream and peace and all these things. And I said to, don't eat right now. And I said to Lily, well, I sat down with Seth and Ella and Lily and I explained to them why I bought us these rocks. And I said, when you're feeling, you know, a negative or tricky feeling, something that's bothering you. You're feeling sad, you're feeling angry, you're feeling anxious. You can grab a rock and you can rub. I like to rub the rock with my thumb. You can use the rock to take deep, a few deep breaths with. You can use the rock as a reminder to count to 10. Or I gave them a couple other suggestions to, they're welcome to bring the rocks with them as long as they bring them back. And sometimes remote learning can be stressful for them, so they can put the rocks next to them while they're learning, or they could even use them as a fidget. So, Lily, I'll get with you in a minute, honey. So, um, I wanted to have Lily in particular start using these to help her with some coping skills. Lily has big feelings, and I want my children to feel their feelings. I don't want to stuff their feelings. I don't want them to learn to stuff their feelings or to go away with their feelings. I don't want to tell them to go away. I just want them to learn how to manage their feelings. So I wanted to give her some tools to do that. And between the rocks and we've been talking about something that is so small but so huge is the power of the pause. This little tiny thing called pause. I'll be with you in a minute, I know you want to talk. And trying to teach Lily and remind myself to be aware of a feeling coming up like anger. And we started to talk about what do we feel like when we start to get angry. I tend to feel my jaw clench. Lily says that— or like I'll start to breathe heavier. Lily says she tends to clench her fists. So when we're feeling that, if we pause and do something like walk away, count to 10, think, grab a rock— if we do something during that pause, it leads to such big, wonderful results instead of just reacting with our feelings and maybe yelling at somebody. So while I was teaching teaching her this, I was starting to notice in the days coming that she was grabbing rocks. And then, was it last night or the night before, I bought Lily her favorite yogurt for her school lunch. So it was Monday night, and I couldn't find it, and I couldn't find it in the fridge. And I was like, how does a yogurt go missing? Max isn't gonna eat a peach yogurt. I know he eats everything, but he's not going to eat that. So, as I'm searching and like annoyed, Lily comes over and hands me a rock. So, I was like, "Oh my God, not only is she using the rocks, but she's learned to give them to people like me or others in the family when they're having a harder feeling, negative feeling, tricky feeling, whatever you want to call it." For the record, I did find the yogurt. Thank you, honey.

You're welcome. Do you want to say something before I move on?

Lily, just talk, honey.

Yes, you can have the mic. Something that I like to do with my favorite rocks, I take the rock and I put it on my head. Aww!

I didn't know that.

Do you like the rocks? Are they helping you? Yes. Yes, I want you to stay because I'm going to talk about you in a minute, okay? Alright. So I can't get them all in, I'm trying. Okay, so Andy Andrews, The Little Things. He says, "Two things equal lasting change. One, what's in it for me?" There has to be something in it for you, for me, for the person. And two, there has to be proof without reasonable doubt. So Lily is learning that if she does things like use her coping skills, what's in it for her is not only a lot less family conflict, but praise, rewards, family harmony. She was seeing the proof that it was working and she was getting good results. So if you— if something's in it for you and you see proof that it's working, it's more lasting. It's more gonna be lasting change.

Sorry, it's okay.

Okay, are you gonna talk or am I gonna keep going? Okay, so I wanna talk about a few other little changes that we're making that we're seeing big results with. So we're gonna talk about Thursday and Friday with Lily, which is part of why she's here. We had an old, So Thursdays and Fridays, Lily is home, and she's expected to do independent work. She has a list of work to check off. So we used to— she wanted to relax in the morning, which was fine with me because I have a million things to do. I would go work out in the basement, I would do the dishes, I would make everyone breakfast, and before we knew it, it was 11, 12 o'clock, and I was like, okay, Lily, it's time to get to work. And she would be like, no, I don't want Well, as you've heard in, in many, many episodes of this, it wasn't working. So we changed it, a little tweak. The little tweak is that when Lily wakes up, she's going to do her work right away and she's going to get it out of the way. And then she's allowed to have her iPad when it's done. And then she's allowed to have the rest of the day to play and do whatever she wants. So, what's in it for Lily? She gets a lot of playtime, a lot less conflict, and a little tweak of a couple-hour reset in a couple days has led to a lot less conflict. So let's—

And a much happier mommy.

And let's hope that this Thursday and Friday is the same. Right? Yeah. So Lily's gonna be easy tomorrow.

I can do it.

She always wants to do everything herself. I hope that she can do it herself. So let's talk about a few other little changes and please feel free to share some little changes that you're making that are leading to you getting some big results. I wanna talk about grocery shopping and meal and meals. We talked about the dreaded Sunday grocery shopping. Do you remember that, Seth? The store was crazy. And sometimes you would come with me, and I dreaded the Sunday crazy grocery shopping. So I tweaked it and changed it to Monday, and Monday mornings are not crazy Sundays. So that was change number one with food. Change number two, um, I found meal planning so daunting. Is that the word?

Yes.

Um, just dreaded it, didn't want to figure out what to make every week.

You were spontaneous. I'm just going I'm gonna see what I like at Wegmans.

And I would walk into Wegmans and just see what looked good. I wasn't one of those people sitting down on Sunday night and planning my meals for the week. And Seth, um, as I try to go down in weight— I should say succeed in going down— yes, yes, yes, you're succeeding in going up.

Yes.

So we're gonna meet, we're probably going to dream. So, so the funny thing is I don't know that I'll— I never— okay, the goal is we both have the same goal weight, which is hysterical. It's embarrassing and hysterical. So he's attempting to go up as I'm attempting to go down, and so he's taking more food to work. So not only do I have to prep the meals and cook the meals, but I have to think, what am I sending to work with Seth? So I have figured out After many years of avoiding this and saying no way, I have finally reached the decision, the—

I don't know. Conclusion.

Conclusion that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, we're having the same type of routine. And if I make chicken on Monday and I make a lot of chicken, then Seth has chicken to eat the next day. So I'm learning a process. Process of what we eat on what day. And it's like I'm making these little changes in our weeks and it's making my life so much easier.

Yes, you started with one. I don't know if you remember, but because Lily has dance on Friday and Max has soccer on Friday, it started with Fridays became takeout Friday, pizza Fridays, pizza and wings Fridays, because we were all running around. And now I love seeing that you've started moving that to other days of the week, because in that routine will lie your freedom, because you won't have to worry about what you're doing anymore, and it'll be a lot easier.

So much easier. I know what we're eating each night. I know what I'm sending. Heavens have parted, right?

It's like these little, these little things that I have like resisted.

Resisted, that's the word.

16 years.

I'm so proud of you.

Ow! I'm proud of you, honey.

Don't touch me with your bad finger. Yes, I Okay, so let's take it a step further to how Seth is gaining weight and how I'm going down.

Yes, losing weight.

Okay, so Seth purchased me this bracelet called a Whoop. It's called a Whoop, and it's on tracking how many calories I burned today. So right before I sat down, I think I was at like 2,100 calories. So what I love about this bracelet is that it's motivating me that like I did the exercise bike, I took Tana for a walk, I did weights. I find myself moving more in the kitchen, like I want to expend energy and I want to see the calories go up, up, up, up, up in terms of how many you're burning. Yes, so I love that it's telling me what I'm burning.

And then it also does other things. I didn't get it for that reason. It was recommended to me by my coach to Garrett Robbins because it tracks your sleep, it tracks heart rate, heart rate variability, and some other things that I was using to improve my emotional state. The calories I didn't care so much about, but obviously she cares more.

Well, and we're using the— we're using the same tools, we're using them for opposite reasons. So, so I'm using the bracelet to see what I burn so that I eat less than that. Yes. And he's doing the opposite because he wants eat more than that. So then he took me to the MyFitnessPal app that I have told my friend and many others, I am not tracking what I'm eating, are you kidding me? And Seth is like, will you stop playing this game, this guessing game of how many calories am I eating every day? And I would just, I found myself just trying to eat less and, you know, I wasn't counting anything. So I was seeing Seth tracking everything he was eating and being like, oh God, I gotta eat more. Don't you want to kick him?

Please don't kick me right now. You can kick me when my stitches come out.

So Seth and I are using the same tools. It's like different purpose. It's like a little app on my phone tracking my food, making such a big difference in my life. So I know that everything I eat, I have to track, have to track, want to track. Get to Track. So, um, my goal every day is to eat— well, what did we say? 500 calories less than I burn.

Yes.

Yes. I don't know that I'm succeeding there. Um, I have not—

check your math and you would know if you were succeeding there.

I'm not eating what I'm burning. I'm eating less than what I'm burning, which means theoretically you're losing weight.

And if you wanted to achieve your goal faster, you would just have to get to that $500 per day, and etc.

So I guess my point in all of this is that, you know, every day I'm just kind of figuring out what is working for me, what isn't working for me. So for example, the clutter, the stuff. So I'm like, okay, so every day I'm gonna work a little bit on it. I'm not gonna— I don't have 6 hours in my day to clean the house. I just don't. But every day I'm gonna work on the clutter, um, get rid of stuff, donate stuff, give stuff to people, throw stuff away.

Yeah, you become a huge fan of that Buy Nothing Williamsville Facebook community because you give stuff away all the time, which is a great way. It goes to a good home, it gets repurposed, and you get it out of your house.

Um, yes, a lot of you are on the Buy Nothing site, I'm sure. If you're not, you probably one in your area, and you can post stuff from your house, and other people say, oh, I want that, and they come and get it. So I've been, you know, so I guess what I'm saying is a few minutes every day on something makes a big difference. So if I work on the clutter and the stuff a little bit every day, then before I know it, the house is going to be less cluttered. And I feel like every day I am I am getting rid of stuff.

You are.

These kids have so much stuff. So I'm going to work on their bedrooms. I'm going to work on the basement. I always have goals. I'm always checking what is working in my day, what isn't working in my day, what do I have to add, what do I need to change. And if we make little tweaks and change things, we see big results. Yes.

Amen.

You agree?

I've been doing little things for a very long time.

So yes, because we have had the disagreement— I don't know that it's a disagreement, it's a style choice— I will purge and do like Lily's whole room in one day, whereas Seth is very systematic and he would Literally, if he was the house husband, he would map out exactly what he was doing every day.

Yep.

How many days do I have? How many drawers are there?

Yep.

We talked about how in college I love to write, so I would have a 10-page paper due and I would sit down on a Sunday and write 10 pages. And Seth had mapped out 5 days of writing 2 pages a day.

Right, 10 pages or 10 a day for 10 days.

So I'm not gonna promise you that I will never—

I don't expect you to be me.

I'm, I'm not Seth, but I think there's a— there's something to be said for little bits of stuff every day adding up. I, I've never disagreed with you.

Okay, well, if that's your story.

I think it's just a style choice.

I appreciate your more enlightened view point now.

Okay, so let's go with that. As I get more enlightened, I would love to hear from you what little changes you are making in your life. I would love to hear about it. I made another change in my life this week that I didn't mention at all, is that I was noticing that I was making everybody breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I was eating dinner with them. So I wasn't eating breakfast.

I did not know that.

And I'm not sure if I was eating lunch.

I didn't know that. You should check your app. It would tell you.

No, no, no, no, I'm talking about before the app.

Ah, before the app.

So I have purposely focused— a new focus on making myself a healthy lunch. So hopefully that's gonna also make positive changes. Yes, because just eating random junk calories Yeah, like I think I was grabbing something. Like, what was I eating? I wasn't eating a lot, but I don't know that it was quality.

All calorie is not created equal.

But you knew that. I knew that.

You just were in denial.

Oh my goodness. So that is— that's my topic for this week. Um, this Friday is a new podcast with Audrey Munkee. She is a camp director, and she learned lessons from directing a camp for like 20 years on things that were working at camp that she wanted to help parents learn to implement in their home. And I had such a good time talking to her and learning from her. And then after that, you're going to hear Kelly Hutchison, and we talked about emotional eating, and that was a fascinating conversation. So hopefully you'll enjoy that, and hopefully you'll listen. And thank you so much for watching.

Make sure you check the podcast out on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Pandora, and YouTube.

Okay, Lilybug. Before I end, I want to—

Lily, just sing us out. Thank you.

Thank you for watching, and please remember to click on the channel link.

Ciao ciao, chicken! I'd just like to say that I did build a chair with one hand.

Impressive daddy skills. Thanks for watching.