Whinypaluza Wednesday Live

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday! No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family! Oops, turn it down, Daddy-o!

I am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Thank you, Ella Bella Boo! Mommy loves you! Have a good night, I'll miss you! Go relax, she's been working her buns off. How is everyone doing? Happy Wednesday, we made it to Wednesday! I think this is our first full week of school.

Yes, last week was a short week.

I need a sip.

You need a lot more than a sip.

I need to drink this whole thing. Seth bought these really good fall alcoholic seltzers.

Fall— new, new fall flavors.

I like anything new, and I especially like when it involves fall flavors.

We have toasted marshmallow, pumpkin spice, there is maple pear, and apple crisp.

Which one's your favorite?

Apple crisp.

Reader shirt, people! Oh yeah, can you read my shirt?

Readership autumn leaves and pumpkins, please. They're very fall festive.

We have like 50 pumpkin foods. By the way, I am a sucker for pumpkin. So if you like pumpkin food and you have a suggestion, let me know. If it says pumpkin, I buy it.

If it says new, she buys it. If it says new pumpkin, she buys too.

I gotta get all the pumpkins out and decorate. It's about that time. So what'd you say?

She said it's her birthday month next month.

Yes, next month is Lily's birthday. So my topic this week.

Yes.

So, mamas and dads—

mostly mamas—

we're tired. Are you tired? I know I'm not the only one. Uh, we are circling around, and, um, we have jobs, and we have kids, and we have houses, and we have activities, and we have dinners and dishes and laundry. Oh my. So we're tired. And I feel ya. I am with ya.

Linda Bergman says hi.

Hello, Linda. I have not mastered. We now get up at 6 o'clock in the morning for high school. So that's new for us this year. So I am still adjusting.

Yes. You're going to say that all year, that you're adjusting.

I don't think so.

You think there's going to come a time when you're like, not, you're not complaining that it's too early? No, no, there's not going to come. You know, you're always going to complain that it's too early. So how is that an adjustment?

So for the next 9 years when we have a child in high school. We have to say, we have to get up very early. So let's talk about the topic.

Yes, the topic.

So as we talk about being tired, etc., I want to help. And how I'm going to help is this term that keeps floating around my brain. Hi Karen, finally catching you. We miss so much.

You were busy.

You were busy, Karen. We're busy women, you know. We just got home a little while ago. Uh, we had a soccer game and they won, and we— I picked Lily up from dance. And Karen, we understand. So we're all running in circles, we're all tired and exhausted and hanging on. Hang on, September is— I think September is the worst of it, and we're almost through September. So you're surviving and you're doing great. And I want to, I want to help. So how I want to help is this term that I have coined for myself. I'm watching you from my car. Karen is still out, she's picking up her daughter at dance. We are home from dance, Karen, so sending you strength that you're not even home yet. So I want to help us unsuperwomen—

woman—

unsuperwoman ourselves. I want us to not be Superwoman. Let's, let's be the unsuperwoman. So I want to help, and that is how I'm going to help. And this is— I sat down at my computer and I said, do I want to write about this? Do I want to write about this? And I said, I need to write about not being Superwoman, even though you have been Superwoman for many, many years.

You're taking off the cape.

So people call me Superwoman and people call me Wonder Woman. I know we can still wear the cape, Melissa. We don't have to be Superwoman.

You know, now you're gonna have to get a cape.

I'm gonna get a Winey Palooza cape.

Oh, that's a really good idea. Let's sell Winey Palooza capes as swag. That's awesome.

So, so, um, when people call me Wonder Woman or Superwoman, I'm like, no, I don't want to be Wonder Woman or Superwoman. I'm tired. I want to go sit down. So how—

she's a little punchy, folks.

I— yes, we've been going full throttle since 6 AM, so I'm petering out. I am ready to go sit on the couch and watch The Real Housewives. That is what I'm gonna do. So I want to tell you how to un-superwoman yourself. I want to start with one of my latest realizations: I cannot remember everything. And that's okay. It is okay. Your reactions are cracking me up. It is okay. We don't have to remember everything. And I want to give you an example. I have this fabulous lady in my life. If Emma's watching, but I will tell her. I know she read the blog. And I, when I took on PTA president, Emma took on treasurer, and the PTA president and the PTA treasurer work very closely together, and we text each other every single day. And she will text me and be like, did you remember this? Or did you remember that? And it doesn't matter how many lists I make. It doesn't matter if I think I know what I need to do. I don't remember everything. And a lot of times she will bring something up or the board, there's a whole board. It's not all on me. Someone else will bring something up and I'm like, you know what? That's okay. I don't have to know everything. I don't have to remember everything. And they're here to help me. So it's okay. We still need to make lists. We still need to try. Okay, so how else can we un-superwoman ourselves?

You got this.

I can't possibly do everything. What? Can't possibly do everything.

You could have fooled me.

No, and I'm going to talk to you about tonight and just life in general lately. If I tell you that I'm busy in the evenings, I really sincerely mean it. Am happily driving my children around, delegate. I, I'm gonna talk about that. So I can't drive my children everywhere. I can't. I have 3 kids in multiple activities, and I'm one person, and he worked— works late sometimes and, um, isn't always available to help. So, you know, I had a friend bring Lily to school, to middle school, for me today, to meet me at middle school, because I can't pick up Max and Lily at the same time. I had a friend bring Max to soccer tonight. I am accepting the help. They're saying, let me help, let's carpool. We all need help. We all have multiple children and we can't be everywhere. Let's help each other. Let's use our village. My parents are like, tell me when you need help, we will help you. So don't take it all on yourself and think that you have to be Superwoman and do everything. You don't have to do everything. You have a village for a reason. And we have to be willing to say thank you. So that's new for me, and don't laugh, but it's new for me to say thank you. I need that help.

Yes, it isn't new for you to say thank you. It's new for you to ask for and accept the help gracefully.

You know, Friday is a perfect example of we can't do everything, and I have changed so much. And when I was writing this, I was like, okay, give yourself a pat on the back because you've made progress. Friday night is a big school event. Friday night is Lily's 3 dance classes, and Friday night is Max's soccer game. We can't go to everything. I used to be the person who was like, oh, we will go to everything and we will make it work, right?

I, I painfully remember this.

Yeah, do you remember that, ladies?

I think I have scars to prove it. I was like, oh, I'm gonna go here and then we're gonna go here and then we're gonna go here and we're gonna make an appearance at each one.

Yes, I— the old me would have been like, oh, we will go and we will make everything work and we drag you from the soccer game to attend the event and then go to dance. And the new me is like, no, we're not going to do everything. And that's okay. I saw a mom appear at soccer and disappear. And I know that mom and I know that she has 3 kids. And I went, yup. I feel so understood right now. She just made an appearance, saw her son play, and now she's probably going to watch her daughter play. And I'm like, this is, this is our life. And don't you feel guilty for that? No. So proud of you. Thank you. It's progress. Yeah, I want to share my progress. And I'm, I'm confiding in you that the old me would have made myself do everything and would have felt guilty.

Yep.

If I couldn't go to something. And now I'm like, I can't possibly go to everything. I'm Superwoman.

Oh, she realized that the light bulb went off.

I also realize, and I'm okay with the fact that I don't know everything. I don't know everything. I never will. I have friends with older kids who are teaching me stuff about high school. I don't know anything about high school. I have learned a ton in September, and I will continue to learn. As you know, Max is my guinea pig, and he goes first, and he teaches me, and the moms with kids in high school teach me. And you know, this is why we have accountants in our life. This is why we have lawyers in our life. We don't know everything, and that's okay. So I accept that, and I'm okay with that.

I'm very proud of it.

I'm Superwoman. How many times will I say it? We should have counted.

We should have— it should have been a drinking game alert. Anytime she says the word 'I'm Superwoman,' if you're not driving, Karen, you take a shot.

Okay, how about this one? I realize that I can do it, but it's okay not to. Did you follow that?

Why don't you say it again?

I realize that I can do it, but it's okay not to. Shots! We'll do, we'll do a shot game another time.

Melissa is ready for the shot game.

So, okay, so my friend is like If you bring them home from school, I will bring them to soccer, and then our other friend will bring them home from soccer. Did you see that? That's 3, that's 3 trips from high school. Yes, with me doing one.

Yes, much better than all.

And I could make it work. I had one kid here, one kid here, one kid here, and I would have been late to pick him up, but I could make it work. But I don't need to. I don't have to. We— just because we can do something doesn't mean we need to, or that you should, or that we— yeah, like, these, these are all things that I continue to learn because I don't want to be Superwoman. I don't need to be the best.

Melissa says, if you bring him home, I'll have the shots ready. That's the winner. That's the best one all night. I'll take that one. Oh my gosh, she's so funny.

We— yeah, We definitely can incorporate something fun into this.

We need to start adding shots.

Oh my gosh. Okay. What about the fact that last night— see, this is major progress for me and Melissa is going to be so proud of me. I was sitting on the couch. You know, if we allow ourselves, we will go from 6 AM to 11 PM and we will go full throttle and we won't stop and we will, you know, fall over.

Don't stop till you drop.

So last night I was sitting on the couch and Seth was doing the dishes, and the old me would have been like, oh no, no, no, go sit down, this is my job. Yeah, who was that crazy lady?

She was pretty crazy.

She was crazy.

I tried to tell you then, you didn't believe me that you were crazy.

Um, you know what, sometimes you just need to learn stuff for yourself.

Amen. That is a good parenting lesson too.

So he's doing the dishes and I'm like, I'm sitting here, I could be doing the dishes, but he's doing the dishes. Let him do the dishes and say thank you. It's our dishes, it's not my dishes, right, Melissa? It's our dishes, it's our family dishes. She just needed a hopeful shakedown.

Melissa, if you're available for hiring for shakedowns, I will take you up on that.

She is. She has had a good effect on my life. We like Melissa.

Yes, we do.

I don't need to exhaust myself.

Your mother is like twitching right now, you know that, right? If she's watching.

No, she's proud. If she's watching or listening, she's proud of me.

Must do more. Must keep going.

Oh my God. It's logistically and physically impossible for anyone to be everywhere for everyone at once. Simplify, prioritize. Don't strive for perfection. Don't be ashamed of taking a nap. Or putting your feet up. I take cat naps literally.

Thank you, Jamie.

Jamie, no striving for perfection, absolutely prioritizing, and I love that you take naps. And maybe I will, maybe I will incorporate that in.

Oh my, seriously, the earth is going to open up and like swallow— there's a pig flying by.

I don't know if I can.

Our entire relationship you're like, I'm not a nap person. And every time before kids that I pushed you did, like, let's take a nap. You woke up cranky.

I don't think—

maybe you got tired enough, but now it works.

I don't think I'm a nap person, but I, I like to take a break.

So there you go.

Let's talk about that. So we don't need to exhaust ourselves. So Seth has said to me over our, over our years together that he— Melissa likes naps too. Um, he— Seth has said to me, I don't understand You come to bed and you fall asleep in 2 seconds. How do you do that?

Sometimes she does it while we're talking. Like, literally, we're having a conver— I thought we were having a conversation and she's asleep. And I'm like, wait a second, what just happened? She's already gone.

Okay, so why? Because I push myself too much and do too much and I'm exhausted. And when I get into bed, I'm like, okay, bedtime. So We don't need to do that. We need to pace ourselves. We need to take breaks. We don't need to work all day. Please, if you're up at 6 AM and you go to bed at 11 PM, please incorporate breaks. Don't tell me you don't have time for breaks. Make it work and prioritize it. We have to pace ourselves. We're not supposed to be exhausting ourselves every day. One of my podcasts was What's in a Name? and I talked to who I call the name lady. I like to take a reading break, then zonk out hard. Yes, yes, and yes. I love reading breaks. 100% agree. It's a great idea. I love a TV break. I love a— ah, Teyton, you missed— well, you missed the stuff, but there's more stuff. Should I— I will do more stuff.

There's more stuff. We're glad you're here.

Okay. So exhausting ourselves. I said we don't need to exhaust ourselves. We don't need to be Superwoman. We need to un-Superwoman ourselves.

Yes.

So what was my exhausting point? I had an exhausting point.

You're going to fall asleep in half a second.

Build in breaks, take a break. I don't even remember. I wanted, I wanted to tell you something about not exhausting yourselves. So build in breaks. You shouldn't get into bed and think about how you didn't stop all day. You should have most definitely stopped. Oh, I was telling you about the name lady.

Yes.

So I talked to the name lady. Don't worry yourself to exhaustion. Oh my God, Jamie, so much worry, way too much stress lately.

Oh, she meant work.

Don't work yourself to—

either one, don't— either one works.

Don't worry yourself to exhaustion, don't work yourself to exhaustion. Worry is exhausting too. So the name lady said, I don't know if you believe in past lives, Or any of that stuff? I don't know. I can't answer that question. I can't tell you if there's past lives. We'll find out one day. But she said, in my past life, I worked myself to death, and that I worked really hard for very little money. And she said, one of your lessons in this life is to learn to not work so hard. And she's like, you need to do less. And I went, yeah, I already knew that. But how appropriate that this is what the Name Lady is telling me. So we need to stop doing so much and un-superwoman yourself. Okay, challenge yourself to get more comfortable with the word no. I love the word yes. I'm gonna be super honest. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be so honest and tell you that I love the word yes. I think because I hated when my mother said no to me.

Yeah.

How's that going for you? I— we have to get more comfortable. And I'm going to give you an example, Tayten.

Yes.

I'm going to give you—

She says yes too much.

Okay, so I do say yes too much. But I do like the word. And I do think we need to get more comfortable saying no. And I think that's part of how we be less of Superwoman. So Lily, and I had a conversation in the car about how she's doing too much. Cheerleading, dance, Girl Scouts, Hebrew school, theater. I said, it's too much. I'm like, you are not allowed to do everything. She brought up something else. Like, no, I need to learn the word no to her. And she has even said to me, when I have given her the look like, are you kidding me? She has even said to me, just say no then. Like really snotty, but she's right. She's right. Just say no then. When our kids ask us for something, we don't have to push ourselves to go do it. We can say no. It's okay. We don't have to make them happy every second of their lives. I knew you were gonna do that. It is okay for our kids to not be happy. Biggest lesson in parenting: it is not our job to make them happy 24 hours a day.

Also kind of impossible.

Oh my God, I love her. Are you gonna be hired or what, lady?

Yes, thank you for posting the What's in a Name episode.

Oh my God, we have got to give that lady a prize. That's all I can say. You've got a wine prize coming your way. We're gonna talk. So recap: we can't remember everything. That's okay, other people will help you. Make lists. You still won't remember everything. That's okay. I don't know everything. That's okay. Use your resources. Use your doctor friend, lawyer friend. Well, hired help— accountants, lawyers, friends. We can't possibly know everything, right?

Right.

I can't possibly do everything. I can't. I'm one person. Lower the expectations. Ask for help. I can't— maybe I can do it, but it's okay not to.

Jamie says theater is combo though, as long as the time spent is— and it's, uh, I'm a no mom, but I believe in cutting corners.

You're good at saying no, Jamie. You're like my mom. It's a skill.

Will Smith shares a great video about being happy. It's not my job to make you happy, only you can do that, right, Melissa? Amen.

Yes, that is so true. So true. We don't need to exhaust ourselves. I don't want you to get up in the morning and go full throttle until you go to bed. We have to incorporate breaks and challenge yourself to get more comfortable saying no. Practice it, you know, practice it. If you want to say no and you're uncomfortable saying it, push yourself to start and then you'll get more comfortable. Can you go to this? No, I can't. I feel bad. I would love to. Can't go to everything. I can't do everything. I can't volunteer for everything. Um, anything else?

Oh, I did. I had— oh, so a lesson I have learned that I will take with me for future reference is don't schedule any events, work-related or working late, in the month of September. I will not do that next year. I have put it on my calendar in 2022 because I had stuff scheduled months in advance for September not knowing Max's soccer schedule, everybody's schedule, and then had conflicts and couldn't be everywhere, couldn't go to everything, couldn't help with all the driving every single time because I had stuff scheduled because there wasn't anything on the calendar in July when I scheduled it for September. So I have learned, just don't schedule anything for September.

You schedule things way too far ahead, it's so annoying.

I'm busy woman, they got a busy month.

So I will tell you that soccer is 6 weeks long and it goes into October.

School soccer, not his other—

no, but school soccer is 6 weeks long.

Jamie, uh, Melissa is talking to Jamie.

My son got his first degree. Oh no, ATA is Academy Theater Arts. It is a, um, theater school that our girls—

not taekwondo.

It's not— that's different.

Taekwondo is different.

Sandy likes your tip.

Thank you.

Um, Seth was very aggravated with me, Sandy, because he was like, well, you had nothing on the calendar. Well, that's because I have to put PTA meetings, soccer, dance, theater. I mean, I didn't book my whole September month yet. Like, September is just like blown up, and he's over here like working late and thinking that it's okay. And I'm like, here's the deal. Here's the deal. He used to— I'm, I'm gonna be nice.

You don't have to be.

He used to work under the bus whenever he wanted, and I used to deal with it. I'm sorry, they are so much busier now. And I said to him, these are our children.

I never said they were your—

I want to finish my thought.

I'm like, give me some of that drink.

I love you.

Yeah, yeah.

I said, these are our children, and I need help and you can't just work whenever you want. And I know that he needs to work, and I understand that, but maybe next year he could work less in September instead of more.

I learned the lesson. I learned it. Only took me the first year of high school to figure this out.

Okay, so Emma says, I do love a list, one day at a time. A day of tea and sofa is sometimes needed. Yes. I need tea and sofa time. Agree. And Emma, I was saying about how I can't possibly remember everything and how you helped me with that. And Sandy says, yes, all the activities get booked last minute.

Yeah, like, what the heck? I'm just like, oh, he's got 6 soccer games. I'm like, could they give me some notice as to when? Oh, there's one tomorrow. It wasn't on the calendar, they just scheduled it. Don't they know people have stuff?

Well, so Seth needs to understand that he can't possibly go to everything, and he also needs to remember next year that in July I have not booked up our fall calendar yet because I haven't gotten everything yet. And I will get soccer and theater and dance and Girl Scouts and Hebrew school and PTA and whatever else we have.

So somebody else needs to go to work and run the companies, and I'll just help you drive all day.

I— listen, I, I do work until about 2 o'clock. I do work until about 2, and then the driving begins. Max is totally waiting for you. Um, I feel— oh, I feel guilty when I take a break. No way. I will tell you that you will be more productive and a happier, better person if you take a break. Seth, you don't have to be a superhero either. Oh, that was such good advice.

I have not taken— she's all— I have not taken the cape off yet.

Listen, you do try to be Superman. I'm gonna try.

I've succeeded, and maybe that's not as a good thing as I thought it was.

Um, Jamie might be talking to Sandy. Don't feel guilty, you're the Energizer Bunny. You are incredible. Um, no one should feel guilty for taking breaks. Big picture thinking. What will you regret not doing when you are 99? The rest you can say no to. Oh, I love that advice, Tayton. Oh, come on down.

Lily wants to say something.

What do you want to say? Seth can't remove his S, it's his letter.

Yes.

Oh, you smart lady. I can take my S off. I have an R. R is for— what is R for? Let's think of a different word.

What's on your leg?

Okay, we're not going to talk about Lily's leg. We're going to wrap it up. So I'm asking you and me to un-Superwoman ourselves. We don't need to be Superwoman, and if we're Superwoman, we're going to exhaust ourselves and we're not going to be worth anything to ourselves or our families. Yes, right, right. So thank you so much for joining us. We have, um, I just want to tell you that this Friday's podcast is going to be about helping our teenagers find their career path.

Super excited.

So I think it's I think you're really gonna enjoy it. Lily, will you sing us out so we can go put you to bed? Thank you for watching Manny Plays on Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha chicken!

Sandy, you and me both.

Try and say no.

Try and say no. Have a wonderful week, everyone. Remarkable!

Remarkable, rambunctious, radical, rad mom. I love it.

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you.

Have a good week.