Whinypaluza Wednesday Live: Let's Feel Less Overwhelmed

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha-chicken!

Honey, watch the drink on the floor.

Watching the drink on the floor.

Okay sweetie, thank you. Um, stay close because at the end you are going to sing. You're going to do— pick the winner and then you're going to sing us out. Okay, how is everyone doing today? Come on over so that I feel like you're actually— oh, you're just seeing if we're live.

Emily says I need to feel less overwhelmed for sure. All right, jumping right in.

Sorry, Lily's sleeping. Um, we have an added issue this week. We have a couple issues to discuss with you. Issue number 1 is Lily is very sad because I put her to bed and she is now back to school 5 days a week. So she needs to go to sleep. When she could sleep in on Thursdays, I didn't care if she stayed up. Um, but she has a busy day of school and Girl Scouts tomorrow. So Lily is asleep. So I'm going to try not to be super loud. Hopefully I am being loud enough. Please, if you're watching, please tell me if you can hear me. Yes, comment, because I am not talking as loud as I normally do. So I would love to know if you can still hear me. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day. And, um, issue number 2 is that Seth and Max have a ton of soccer next month, and every Wednesday night they are traveling somewhere in New York State, somewhere in New York State. They're going to be gone super— well, I shouldn't be giving a lot of information. Hi, Kristen. Kristen, can you hear me? Am I talking awesome?

Yes.

Thank you, everyone.

Make sure you click the StreamYard so that we can see who's commenting.

So we may have to, um, we may have to switch our nights for May because I would like some Seth to be here. I would like my producer here to get everything set up and situated. I am not a technological person, if you haven't learned that yet. Seth handles all the technology behind Winey Palooza and his team does. And so we may be switching to Thursday nights. We will keep you posted. I will still send out my blog on Wednesdays and then we may have to switch just for May. So we'll let you know. So I picked my topic this week is, um, let's feel less overwhelmed. Sometimes I forget the exact words that I chose, and this stemmed from the fact that I love to start my blog like now. I love to start, you know, like Thursday, Friday, maybe Saturday, start to think about what is going on, what are people feeling stressed about, what do I want to write about. Well, I didn't start writing. If I'm really, really authentic, I didn't start writing until Tuesday at— I can't even tell you what time because Monday was so crazy and overwhelming that it was the driver behind this blog, this vlog, and this blog. So let's talk about that real fast. Is that okay with you? I am finding that people are confused, so please tell me if you're not confused because I would love to know that people actually understand. So Wednesday, as soon as Seth's team is able to graphically— he has a fabulous graphic designer, Kristen, who designs everything. As soon as she is able to get everything situated with my writing, it goes up live on Wednesday for you to read on whineypalooza.com. And then Wednesday evening at 9 o'clock, which may be switching for May, we do a live vlog that you're watching right now. And a vlog is a video blog. Blog. So I'm talking live about what I wrote and finding that people would rather hear me talk about it.

They'd rather watch and get to interact and make comments and ask questions.

Yeah, so I'm happy to provide whatever works for everyone, whatever media you want. Okay, so then the third thing is a podcast, and a podcast is, um, streaming in multiple places.

It's like a radio show on your phone.

Thank you. So if you don't know what a podcast is and you need help, please, you can always ask me questions. I'm finding that people don't know what a podcast is. They don't understand what a vlog is. Um, every Friday morning a new podcast comes out with a new guest who I have had the luxury of talking to, interviewing, and interviewing, um, marriage and parenting experts. I just did an amazing conversation with my mom that's going to be a Mother's Day special. And we also are finding that some people would rather listen to a podcast, so the vlog will be available the following Wednesday to listen to on a podcast.

You don't want to watch her smiling beautiful face.

So hopefully I explained it well.

You did.

I keep trying to explain it to people. I am super patient. You can totally ask me questions because I'm finding that people don't understand. Oh, Nicole, thank you. I actually put on makeup.

It's my bonus for Wednesdays.

He loves Wednesdays because I put on makeup and do my hair. So let's talk about getting less overwhelmed. I started to notice a pattern, and the first step to be less overwhelmed is to analyze your day. Think about your day. You know, it's Monday night, you are exhausted, worn out. And wondering, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel exhausted? Why do I feel worn out? Why do I feel overwhelmed? I want you to do what Seth and I call a brain dump. I am sorry, I don't know who coined the term. Someone else coined the term. I should have looked that up. Um, I want you to think about your day and analyze it. I want you to look for patterns. I want you to brain dump it out. Writing it down and getting it all onto paper, just venting on paper can help you. But then you're going to look at it and you're going to see, okay, this is, this is the stuff that's not working for me in my day. So for me, on Monday, first of all, do you know what I call Mondays? I call it Marathon Mondays or Monday Madness. So am I not setting myself up? You're setting yourself up to be totally overwhelmed every Monday.

You are. You can't have it any other way. You've already decided what it's about to be.

So I'm setting myself up. So that's pattern number 1 that I need to break. And I said to myself when I was analyzing my day, what if I called it Magical Mondays? What if I—

Marvelous Mondays. Miraculous Mondays.

What if I thought about I get to have another wonderful Monday with my family? What if I start to look at it differently. Why she's call it Moody Monday. But do you see how— try Magical Monday. Yes, Linda, I'm gonna, I'm gonna reframe it. And Sunday and Monday coming up, you're going to hear me, and I'm gonna post. I'm putting it out there. I'm gonna post that it's now Magical Monday.

Very accountable.

Hold me accountable. I'm changing my thought patterns around Mondays and I noticed another pattern when I started to look at what I did on Monday. Seth took the girls to school. He left at 8:30 AM and I started the pattern of thinking, what can I fit in? What can I fit in? What can I do? What can I do? What am I going to have time for? What am I going to get done?

She wonders. See, she has— I'm going to throw you under the bus. She has this pattern. Where she races against the clock. She feels like she's always trying to see how much she can get done before the clock strikes midnight— not really midnight, but she has to go pick people up from school or something. And then you wonder why you're telling me that I'm rushing you when I'm not rushing you. You're rushing yourself and feeling rushed because of your imaginary relationship with time.

So I am paying attention to when I'm feeling overwhelmed and what I need to change. And I noticed that I was looking at the clock constantly, like, it's noon, I gotta get to wake Wegmans. I have nothing. I have no dinners this week. I gotta get to Wegmans, unpack, and start dinner because then I'm off to activities.

Well, first you gotta pick them up from school and then you can go to activities.

So I pick my girls up from school. I'm happy to do it. It's one of the things that I feel privileged that I'm able to go pick them up, privileged to be able to pick their friends up. It's one of the things that I enjoy doing for my—

she's literally a mommy taxi, but she doesn't charge.

I love being a mommy taxi and a friend.

You are a friend.

I love it. No, I love it. Stop it. I'm stopping. No, I enjoy it. So I'm racing against the clock of this is what time I need to leave the house. What am I going to get done? And this is what I have to get done. And am I going to have enough time? So I'm setting myself up. So I'm telling you that I want you to start looking at looking for patterns in your day. I— one of my podcasts was with Jennifer Blossom. Really love Jennifer. She has the Blossoming Moms podcast. And when we were talking and I was interviewing her, she said, "Can you—" I love being the friend taxi. It's one of my enjoyments in my day, Karen. I love it. And I love getting to see your girls. And it's, it's, yeah, it brings joy to my day. So I really do love it. So do you remember what I was saying? I got myself totally off track. Yes, thank you. So Jennifer Blossom said to me, tell me something that you find overwhelming. And dishes came to my brain. And I had a pile of dishes waiting for me in the sink when I was done talking to her. And she said, okay, well, then you need to develop a system. And she said, anything that overwhelms you needs a system.

That's really good business advice too.

Yes. Well, and I'm going to get there because I have stuff for you that has to do with your business, and I have stuff for you that has to do with your home. And if you are a stay-at-home mom, your house is your business. And if we— it's a good title for a book. And, and if we run it, I mean, most of us moms have been in an office and we know how to run things. And if we run our house similar to how we ran our work, then we would develop systems. So her system is she makes sure all the dishes are done at the end of the night. Um, I am telling you, it is 9:15. I am not doing it. It works for Jennifer Blossom. It doesn't work for me. She's right, but I'm not gonna do it. I'm not your system. It's not my system. I'm not gonna go tackle the dishes after this. And there are a lot. What? Nothing. Are you saying you will? Maybe. Seth has more energy for dishes right now than I do, so she finishes the dishes at the end of the night, gets everything in the dishwasher. The next morning she unpacks the dishwasher, and then throughout her day as they use dishes, she makes everybody put them in the dishwasher all day. And she has a system. And you can apply this to laundry, you can apply this to work. Um, One of the things that I wrote about was for me, what works for me is I do laundry every day. It doesn't stress me out. It works for me. I don't want a laundry day. That sounds yucky to me. But you have to do what works for you. So if laundry stresses you out and overwhelms you, figure out a new system. Do your kids need to do their own laundry? Does your husband need to do his own laundry? Figure out what works. You need to hire someone to do your laundry. That's a whole nother topic. Let's not go off topic. So as far as work is concerned, I'm going to piggyback this into boundaries. Okay. So what I was finding at work, and Seth is going to relate to this, Seth, I think, has developed a lot of good systems to be less overwhelmed, I think. Yes. One of the things that was overwhelming me was that I was constantly interrupted. So I had people coming into my office to ask me questions. The phone was ringing. The emails were going. That's your system for the dishes. I hate leaving the sink full and waking up to it in the morning. So even if it's 11 o'clock at night, I load the dishwasher and run it, then do exactly what you said. Yeah, that's awesome. And she said that, Karen, she said that if you leave your dishes um, in the sink the next day, then it disappeared.

I, I— right, that's because there's multiple comments and I'm— okay, moderating.

Okay, so if you leave your dishes in the sink overnight, she said you wake up and you already feel behind. So you're 100% correct, and we do try to run it before we go to bed. Linda says, on Thursday night I plan the menu for the following week. I write down my entire shopping list Saturday morning by 9 AM. I have grocery shopped for the following week, gassed up the car, and finished the laundry for the week. Then every night I know what we're eating and then I have the ingredients for it. Wow, that is awesome, awesome advice. Fabulous advice, Linda. I love it. Um, Linda and Karen are telling us systems that work for them that help them be less overwhelmed. So I was at work, I was constantly getting interrupted. An email would come through, I would check my email, a phone call would come through, I would answer the phone, a therapist would come in with a question, I would answer the question. And my whole day, I wasn't planning out my day. I was allowing everyone else to take advantage of my day. So I decided that I had to plan it out and draw boundaries around, okay, this is my email time. This is my answer therapist question time. Like, this is my, you know, I have to do this report time. And I had to just draw boundaries boundaries around this is what I'm doing at this time and not letting people hijack my day all day. And there was something else around boundaries, priority, priorities. I think that priorities has helped me the most this year. I have learned through talking to all of the women that I've had the privilege of talking to that I was making everything the same priority. So I was thinking that this, this, this, this and this needs to get done today, and there's no way that I'm going to get it all done. So I was already— I was stacking, I was overwhelming myself. I was like, I don't have enough time, it's just, it's not going to get done. So my new plan is to look at my day and prioritize what has to get done today. So it was Tuesday when I was writing this and thinking about this, and I was thinking about the fact that I had a list of stuff that I wanted to do, but that the blog was number one, and I wasn't going to accept emails, phone calls, anything. I was going to sit down and focus. And if I actually focus, it doesn't take me the entire day, right? So if I draw the boundaries and prioritize it and know that this is what has to get done, the other stuff is bonuses. And because I focused and got it done, I was then able to get some of the bonuses done. So do you have any work systems that you want to share? I don't want to put you on the spot.

And you can always put me on the spot. We have a lot of systems, but I The one most relevant to what you're talking about, for example, is I have a closed-door policy, which is not an open-door policy. It's my door is closed unless the building is on fire. Do not interrupt.

Well, the open-door policy is what hijacks your day, right?

And then you are at reaction all day long for other people. So I think you are absolutely right. I have very strong boundaries at work, and that works very, very well for me.

Joe, Joe swears by making spreadsheets. So my— I didn't bring it with me, but my spreadsheet has become my planner. And I have talked about this with you guys before, where I was using my phone and I was typing everything into my phone, and I was finding that it wasn't working for me looking at my phone constantly at what I had for the day. It just didn't work for me. You have to figure out what works for you. I was finding lists, I was finding lists all over the house. Lists, lists are great. Make a list. It keeps us focused. It helps us feel less overwhelmed. It gets it out of our brain. It helps us get it done. However, having multiple lists in multiple places will overwhelm you.

You got to make a list of where all the lists are.

Well, then I was losing— like, they're all over the island. They're in my phone. Like, it wasn't working for me. So I switched to the planner. And I'm putting all of my lists in the planner and keeping everything in one place. So you are probably ahead of me, and a lot of you probably already do this. This is something new that is working really well for me. I'm proud of you. Well, I was finding scattered lists, and I was like, well, I was like, getting yelled at because I moved a Post-it note that I didn't know was important. Oh yeah, a little Post-it note of a list, a big sheet of paper with a list, and then I would find them and be like, well, the good news is I really did finish everything on the list. Oh my gosh. Okay. We talked about paying attention to your self-talk. I told you what I was telling myself. Seth has made a point of— and keep doing this, Seth. Seth has made a point of saying to me, you are stacking in your brain right now and spiraling, and that is why you are feeling overwhelmed. Siri is my brain away from my brain. I love to voice command reminders and then she will remind me of what I need to do at the designated time. Kristen, I love that you use Siri. I said to my friend Nikki, I said, I keep forgetting math. Lily had a math class on Thursdays and Fridays at 2:15. So, it's like the little things that we learn along around the along the way. So I would say, Alexa, and Lily would say, no, because she knew I was telling Alexa to remind me that Lily had math at 2:15 because I kept forgetting, because I would be in the middle of something. And she's back to school, so I don't have to worry about that. But I also, you know, Nikki was like, well, my phone beeps and reminds me. And I was like, how do you do that? So yes, you can get your phone to alert you. That something— it's time for something. Absolutely. I find that for me, there's just something, you know, Kristen and I have talked about this with books too. I guess I like to hold things. I don't know, Seth. I don't know what that's about, but I like to hold the planner. I like to hold the book. I don't love technology to read either. It's just me. And, and I'm going to say this every time we talk, that I want you to find stuff that works for you. And I'm figuring out what works for me. Ask for help. Oh my gosh! I was upstairs Monday night at meeting number 1 and heard Seth doing dishes. And my first reaction was total guilt, like, "Oh no! He's doing the dishes." Like, I should be doing the dishes. I don't have to do all the dishes. I don't have to do all the cleaning. I don't have to do all the errands. I have these like huge expectations. Like, why? Who created that? Seth didn't create that. Seth is— stop it. Don't, don't blame her. Um, Seth is downstairs emptying the sink. I'm upstairs on my first meeting and I am telling myself it is okay. He can do the dishes. He can help. Like, this is great. Wait, ask for help. I can get my kids doing their own laundry, haven't done it yet. I can get Max in 2 years, I can get Max to pick up my girls and I can get him to run errands. There was something else, years ago I went back to being an analog person, it's interesting, I can't even tell you how many people I've talked to who have said different things. And I guess all of our brains just work differently. We're all such different people. He, Seth, likes technology more than I do, to the point where he has said to me, um, you need to form a better relationship with technology. Yes, make your life easier. The other thing that I was thinking about, one of the things that I really dislike is, um, hi Sean. Okay, good to know that is Sean. Um, did not do the same. I don't know what that said. He didn't do the name thing, so we couldn't tell it was Sean. Understood, I understand. Um, oh, I lost my thought. I'm sorry. Elena's here. My kids emptied groceries out of my car the last two trips. It was seriously such a weight lifted. Four kids finally paid off. That's Amazing. I'm gonna tell you something. I have Max home doing remote school full-time, my strong big 14-year-old. Do you know how much that has been useful for me? I want him to go to school, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to keep him home so he can lift things for me, but I was like, Max, you got to take the recliner out of the garage for the AmVet people. He is my muscle. Max, these groceries are so heavy. Can you please come help me? Elena, you have 4 to help you. I have Max home to help me. But I totally agree. We have to ask for help. And I realized what I was going to tell you is I hate cleaning. OK, I do it constantly. I don't enjoy it. Some people like it. I have complained about it before on my vlog. I need to hire. I need to be delegating that. If you can afford to hire people to do something that you really don't like, that you can take it off your plate. If you can call Instacart or what do we do? Use the app. App it up.

There's a new saying, app it up, mamas.

App it up and use Instacart. We used Instacart a lot in the winter, like when it was really cold. Um, when it gets nicer, I don't mind it as much, but I really loved taking that off my plate. And then I— we kind of added up the amount that it costs.

Sometimes it's like a dollar per item or something crazy.

Uh, so a lot of the time what I hear people say is, I don't have time for a break. I don't have time to relax. I don't have time to meditate. I don't have time to exercise. I don't have time to do yoga. What I want to tell you is not only will you feel less overwhelmed if you take that break and do it. I posted something in my group today that said, if you don't have time to relax, it means you really need to do it. And— That's a good point. And then once we relax, even if I sit down for 10 minutes and I'm rebooted to keep going. So if you don't, if you think that you don't have time for a break, do it anyway. And then you'll find that you're less overwhelmed and you have more energy to get more done. Not that we always should be getting things done. Right. That's one of the things that is one of the self-talk things that I'm working on is I don't have to be a doer all day. I, I need to stop thinking that I have to do things all day. There is always a list of things to do. Take a break, everything will be easier. Yes, um, Elena, Seth said to me, uh, Sunday maybe, I said I just want time on my couch and he said schedule it. Yeah, he's like you're always going to have stuff to do. Uh, Kristen has told me take long lunches. Yes, yes. Kristin told me to schedule myself a couch day and the kids have been in school for how many years and I still haven't scheduled the couch day. When are you getting the bonbons? So the last thing I want to say is the more that we can be present in our moment, Kristin says, you know it girl. I know she keeps telling me I'm gonna schedule a couch day and I'm gonna tell Kristin all about it. Go get your planner. So the last thing I want to say is to be present and mindful. And that if Seth sees me spiraling, it's because I'm thinking about— yes, future, what I have to do, what is happening today, what am I overwhelmed about. I'm overwhelmed because the kids have activities and I have 2 meetings, or I'm overwhelmed that I can't take the kids everywhere. Okay, well then who is going to? I can't go 3 places. Who's going to help me? The other thing that I found that I just wanted to share with you is that getting to the activities was stressing me out, and I noticed that pattern. So, when I notice a pattern, I'm just trying to fix it or ask someone to help you fix it. And I realized that I needed to prep the children. What are you going to need? Where is it? Go get it ready. This is what time we're leaving. And then giving them a warning that we're leaving in 10 minutes, I'm just warning you, and then it was like all a smoother transition. Much better, right? So I'm learning how to make the getting places easier. Um, we're good. Okay, I thought you were sharing something. So Ella, are you around? Ella Green, she's coming. So she is going to pick, um, Seth. I shouldn't say Seth, but it is Seth. Seth has this fantastic prize for a Winey Palooza winner. Winey Palooza winner. That's a tongue twister.

Winey Palooza Wednesday winner. Winey Palooza Wednesday winner.

Winey Palooza Wednesday winner.

Okay, so he took us to Westgate Lakes. Is that what it's called? Yes. In Florida, and it was amazing. And he is giving that away to one of the people who enter.

Yes, 3 days, 3 nights, 4 days. In Orlando or Las Vegas. You get to pick where you go. You have to get yourself there. I'll pay for the resort.

So when Whiny Palooza advertises anything, it is legit. Enter. And Seth and I love sharing stuff with you, and we love doing giveaways. I don't know why I'm having so much fun with it.

Like a little mini Oprah. You get a car, and you get a car.

Well, you all know that giving stuff is fun. Okay, now you're gonna, you're gonna shake it up and you're gonna pick, pick a winner. Don't look, don't look. Pick someone out, pick someone, pick someone. Okay, and the winner is— open it up and tell us.

Uh, I'm sorry, I cannot pronounce this name.

You can't pronounce— oh, it's my cursive. Maria Messler. Oh yeah, it's your cursive. Oh, how do I enter?

Oh, Lisa, So watch her Facebook page.

So Lisa, there is a Winey Palooza mom group that you're in that you will see a lot of the giveaways.

I'm going to start other giveaways on the Winey Palooza Facebook fan page that is separate from the mom page.

You're finishing my sentences. I'll get you a sandwich. So, so Lisa, you're going to see, I don't think that you were present for the challenges. Every beginning of a month I start a new challenge. If you have a challenge idea, tell me. So we've done self-care, we've done self-talk, we're going to do a May challenge starting on May 1st and we're going to give away a prize and there's also— so that's the Whiny Palooza Mom group where we're— my attempt at giving you as much support as I can and you can post things and ask questions and you can, you can do that on my page too.

I have Tell Maria what she needs to do to claim her vacation.

I have a Winey Palooza fan page, just Winey Palooza. Yes. Okay, tell Maria what she has to do and we'll contact her. We have her email and phone number.

Yes, we will email you. You'll tell us if you want to go to Orlando or Vegas. I will then email you the information you need to cash in your vacation. You do not have to travel right away. We understand COVID might prevent that. You have 18 months from, uh, today to take your trip.

Okay, so, um, thank you everyone for entering. Thank you everyone for watching. Thank you for— tell me what you want. My next venture, um, is I'm going to start talking to moms, like having like an interview with moms. And, um, it's probably going to be private. It's not going to be like live like this. And I'm just— my point is to gather information because I want to know what you need, what makes you feel better, what are you looking for, what stressors are going on that you need help with, what you need support on. Share it with me. Tell me what topics you need. Tell me what's helpful. Tell me what topics you don't like. Tell me what topics you do like. You can always message me on Facebook or Instagram. I'm on both. Or you can email me at whinypluzamom@gmail.com. So Anything else we need to share? You covered it all.

Okay, Alabella, no, thank you for watching Whining Blues on Wednesday with the Green Family. Cha-cha chicken.

Thank you everyone, have a good