Whinypaluza Wednesday Our First College Visits

I didn't even ask Ella if she wanted to sing. I'm gonna guess that it's a no.

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday! Hello everyone!

Hi everyone! Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday! Thank you, Seth.

You're welcome.

I just realized I usually say, "Ella, do you want to sing?" Yeah, but you do that before you start. It's okay, nobody cares.

Apparently not.

And she still doesn't hear me. The The funny thing is, yep, we're in the family room trying to have a private conversation about her birthday. Yeah, and she hears every freaking word. Yeah, but now, now I'm talking to her and she doesn't hear a word I say.

She's choosing to ignore us.

Are you ignoring me? Well, it's a little too late for me to sing now.

It's always time for Ella.

But I'm gonna warn you parents that your kids hear everything that you say.

Yep, even when they're not in the room.

And even when I think I'm being quiet, they still hear me.

Yep.

So how do we handle that one?

Uh, I think we have to go in another room and close the door.

Man, there's eyes and ears everywhere.

Yes, the walls are listening.

The walls are listening. It is a very challenging week getting the kids back into the routine.

Yes.

Are you experiencing this? We were off last week. It was a wonderful week. I loved it so much. We're going to talk about it.

Yes.

And now this week we're back.

Yes.

And let's just say Max was in our room looking for clothes at 5:30.

Fabulous.

So that is how my day started.

Yes.

So it's definitely hard getting back into the routine, and I liked the routine last week better.

We have the non-routine.

I like non-routine. No, okay, I like— I'm getting a lot accomplished with the routine. A routine is good for us.

Yes.

Everyone's gonna come after me and tell me how good a routine is. I think we all benefit from routines.

I'm not sure.

I I, I definitely don't want to be free without any routine forever, right? But what a week. It was a great week. And we decided— if you missed last week, we touched on it a little bit— but we decided that for February winter break for my kids, for our kids, that we were going to begin the college journey process.

College tours.

Yes. So Max is a junior. Now mind you, my friend has a sophomore who went on a college tour over February break. So to everyone saying that we're early, we are not early at all. And I'm gonna— late— I'm gonna tell you why we're not early in a minute. But, um, I did notice that there were other people taking their kids on college tours Yes. So I'm gonna guess we're right on par, right?

I haven't taken a survey.

I don't, I don't remember when I toured colleges, but I will say that if you do early decision for any school, you don't have that much time, people. So we're not so early. So yes, we began the journey All we hear from Max for I don't know how long, Seth, is MIT and Cornell. How long has he been talking about MIT and Cornell?

A while.

So those are the two schools that we have heard about and heard about and heard about. So why not start there?

That's where we started.

That's where we started. So we went to Boston, as a lot of you know if you follow us, and, um What did you think of Boston?

I think it's a very nice, busy city.

Oh, you want to know what's really funny?

Yes.

The woman that I interviewed today is in Boston, and she's like, oh, I wish I had known, I would have given you a tour.

We needed another tour. The three— the two that we went on weren't enough.

Well, a tour of Boston, not to the college. No, I wanted to see the city. We got to see colleges.

Yes.

Which we're going to talk about, but I wanted to see more of Boston.

Got it.

Yeah, and I really liked where you picked to stay.

Well, thank you.

You did. Seth is— so Seth and I have our strengths in our relationship, and there's stuff that I like to do, there's stuff that he likes to do, there's stuff that I don't like to do that I ask him to do, and I'm gonna guess Seth has a little of that vice versa. I'm gonna guess there's things that you don't like to do that you ask me to do.

For sure, yes.

You know, like I'm happy to go to the post office.

Thank you.

There's an example. So, okay, back up. So I do not like being a travel agent. I will tell you, I have friends who love it, who do a ton of research. I could definitely get into it. I can see how— why they enjoy it. But I do tend to be like, okay Seth, these are the dates, go.

Like, yes. And to be clear, I'm not one of your friends who enjoys it. I'm just doing it because you don't like doing it.

Um, there's more to it than that.

Oh, okay.

There's more to it than that. It's not just that. It's also that you are so much better at technology in general.

Okay, there is that.

So for you to find a hotel was a pain in the ass. Can you imagine me trying to find a hotel?

There might have been some profanity involved.

So I wanted a hotel— so poor Seth— I wanted a hotel with adjoining rooms, like where you share the door.

We could have just next to each other. That's not good enough.

We could have, we could have.

And it also had needed some other things.

Well, Lily suggested a pool, which means you needed—

it's Boston in February, so you need an indoor heated pool.

Well, the goal was to give her a little bit of entertainment because the trip, the college stuff— Max and Ella loved the college stuff, Lily not so much. So I was trying to give her something fun of her own.

I understand.

So yes, so it was like, find me a hotel in Boston not far from MIT that has adjoining rooms and a pool. In Liverpool. So it wasn't easy.

It was not.

But he made a lot of phone calls, but he slam dunked it and found the perfect hotel attached to a mall. And man, were there some stores in there.

I'm amazed I got away cheap. I, I did not come out with a large luxury shopping bill. I'm very appreciative of that, honey. Thank you for restraining yourself.

That's not for lack of wanting to. I could have walked away with some Tiffany's jewelry and maybe a new purse. I think they had every purse store and every shoe store that I had—

Jimmy Choo and Louboutin and—

so that was an amazing mall.

Yes, very high-end mall.

Amazing hotel, amazing mall. And then we went off to our MIT tour. Yes. And what did you think of the tour?

I thought MIT is a city campus and is in different parts of an area of Boston and looks like a very nice college for what Max wants to do.

Yeah, I think Max's eyes were wide open with joy, wouldn't you say?

I, I don't know about— I guess I wasn't paying enough attention to his eyes.

So yes, so Max has this understanding that seeing a school is not going to change his opinion of the school.

He has a thought. Yes, he thinks this.

Yes. So he's like, Mom, you know, I'm happy to tour these schools, but my opinions aren't changing. So my friends have told me that you need to tour the schools and that their kids' opinions changed. Max does not think he's one of those people. So far, I will keep you posted. So far, he agrees with himself that none of his opinions have changed. He loved MIT on paper, he loved MIT on the computer, and guess what? He loved it in person too.

Yep.

So MIT was a hit, and, um, we, we ventured off to Harvard.

Yep.

And what did you think of Harvard? Looks like a more traditional college campus, like where you picture more green space I mean, I will tell you it was more traditional, but I saw Max at MIT before I saw him at Harvard, right? And then we went to Tufts. And what'd you think of Tufts?

Well, I— Tufts wasn't originally on our list. Somebody on, I think, Facebook told you, you're there, you should go see it.

Um, which is a very good option.

I know nothing about the school.

Okay, so I did research. Okay, I've been researching every school that he talks about.

I did not notice.

Yes. I go right on my phone and do some research. Didn't you see me on my phone like a lot? Like people would say, did you check out Northeastern? Did you check out Boston? It's so funny. So there's a couple things that are hysterical. So we're in Boston and I post our tour of MIT and people start like pinging me like, did you see Northeastern? Did you see Boston University? Did you see this school? Did you see— what about Tufts? What about this? What about that? So Max and I are on the phone doing research, and he's like, oh, I want to see Tufts. Which, if you're—

I know that's what happens.

If you're in Boston, then you might as well see as many colleges as you can. There's like a million colleges there. So I did want to get to Northeastern, which we didn't get to, but I do think Tufts is a good option.

Okay.

I think they all are. Okay, I don't think it's in his top, but I'm glad we went.

Okay, I, I don't— I didn't talk to him. I don't know if Tufts even has the degree he wants.

Oh, so that's what I wanted to tell you was funny, is that everybody's like, did you check out this school? Did you check out this school? Like, even different states, like, did you check out this school in Pennsylvania? And did you? And I'm like, nobody's asking me, right, what he wants to do. Like, everybody is giving me suggestions, but nobody's asking me what he wants to do. And don't you need to know what he wants to do to give me a school suggestion?

Right.

Am I being dumb?

Field— like, not every school has his degree program.

I think that he's being a little particular because he wants the school to have what he wants to study.

Well, well, isn't that the point of going there?

Well, well, okay.

Would you go to a school that didn't have your thing going, oh, it's a nice school, they don't have what I want to study, I guess I'll come up with something else?

Well, let's talk about that, because I will tell you why I say because. We go to Cornell, and what does our wonderful tour guide tell us? Somebody wanted a cybersecurity degree, which they didn't have, so him and his advisor built it, and he got—

but not every school can build what he wants if they don't have it as a degree. It's not as simple.

Yeah. That's true, but I am impressed that they did that for the kid.

Yes, for sure. Well, if you're paying that much money, they should do whatever you want.

So accurate, um, I don't know. I know nothing about that. It sounds lovely. I don't know that it is actually accurate and can happen. Okay, okay. So then we go to Cornell, which, like I said, heard about MIT, heard about Cornell, for at least, at least a year, right? At least a year.

Yes, Cornell was on the list first before he discovered MIT.

So Cornell has been on the list for a long time. Yes, yes. So I was very excited because if you don't know where we live, Cornell is 2.5 hours from our house. Boston is 6 hours, 6 and a half. So Boston took us 6 and a half hours and Cornell took us 2.5 hours. So which one do you think I like better?

The closer one.

But, but, but I want what's best for him. Let's be, let's be honest. So Cornell was gorgeous. I'm gonna ask you what you think before I go.

I think it's a beautiful campus.

Did you like it?

It's a beautiful campus, yeah.

What else do you have to say about it?

They, they have a way to get— they have what he wants. It's a great school.

So, what else you want me to tell you?

What are you looking for?

So Max said that it is a close, good school that has what he wants and seems like to me an amazing option. I mean, to me it's a no-brainer, but I'm not Max and I don't have to go to college. I already did that, right? So it's his turn to decide with our help. Yes, we get to say Yes. So I did a really good job emotionally somehow that week.

I was very impressed with you. You were very calm and, and supportive, and I was expecting a different experience.

Okay, so I want to know what you were expecting.

I was expecting you to be emotional and kind of like sniffle your way through all the tours.

So you were surprised?

Pleasantly.

And oh, so you liked this Rebecca better?

I didn't— I'm not— that's a trap. I'm not saying I don't like the other Rebecca. I'm just saying I was surprised going, oh, okay, we're not— we're doing that part right now.

And what did you keep saying the whole entire time?

How did we get here? Didn't we just bring him home from the hospital when he was a baby, like yesterday? I think people say all the time, oh, when you're a parent, The time flies. It really does.

So who was emotional?

Okay, I wasn't— I mean, I wasn't like crying about it. I might have pointed it out a couple times.

So, okay, so I'm just teasing you.

You're allowed to tease me.

Okay, so I think that the reason that you got the wife that you got that week was because I was seeing new shiny objects.

Are we deciding new shiny objects by the college?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. So like, for me, I love—

very expensive to do that.

I love to explore new places. It's one of my favorite things.

You like adventures.

So like, there's some people— and I'm not saying I don't love Disney World. Like, I could probably keep going back to Disney World. Like, there's some people who like, you know, like, I know a family who goes to Cape Cod for like every vacation and they just keep returning. They're creatures of habit and they, their families just keep doing the same vacation. I am probably the opposite of that and I love to find new things to do. So like even if we go to Florida, I like to build in some new stuff into our trip. Yes. So like to me, I was like, I can't even tell you the last time I was in Boston and I don't even know why I was in Boston. But it was fun for me to see a new place and new colleges that I hadn't seen.

Yes.

And then Cornell— I have wanted to take him to see Cornell forever, so that was like so exciting for me, um, even though it rained the entire time.

Yeah.

But I really shocked myself because I was so happy and excited and joyful the whole time.

Yeah, that was awesome.

And I think that Max and Ella's excitement was also contagious because not only did Max love it, but Ella loved it too, which was amazing.

Yes, that was a bonus.

So Ella's getting to see colleges too, and if I do say so myself, I do think that someone's eye was turning at Cornell.

I, I, I do think that, that she did have some interest.

Yes. So I was very pleasantly surprised by my emotional state because you are all going to understand this. We don't always know how we are going to feel, and that's okay. I have learned to like roll with it. Like, I don't know which emotion is gonna— like, before we started recording, I was like, I don't want to talk about college. Like, I was feeling a little emotional.

I did not know this.

Well, I didn't tell you.

Well, there you go.

So, but like, I'm okay. Like, I feel okay right now. Yeah, but I'm just telling you that it's a wave of emotions.

Yes, it's a up and down.

So we come home and we're unpacking and we're going to bed, and I had been fine the entire week, happy, joyful, and then I got this like overwhelming panic as I was falling asleep. Like, you're going to leave your son somewhere. Like, it was just like pan— sheer panic.

You did not tell me this.

It was in my blog.

No, I meant that night you didn't tell me.

I think I told you the next day.

Okay.

I wasn't gonna like wake you up.

You could have.

I try not to wake you up.

Okay, I'm happy to be your on-call therapist.

So—

You certainly would do it for me.

So I'm having panic about taking our son to college and you want me to wake you up? Yes. That is very sweet and I never would have done that.

But you could have.

I won't say never. Because when the time comes, talk to me next year. Okay, so the next morning, you know, I'm telling Seth how I'm feeling, and the look on his face was like, there she is. Yeah, that's about right. Was that right? Were you like, uh-huh, I was waiting for this?

Pretty much.

You were— you like, when is the other shoe gonna drop?

Yes.

You were like, this is too good to be true.

No, I didn't know. It's not too good to be true. It was too good to be— too good to last longer than the week.

Interesting.

I'm sure that lady will come back at times.

So I'm going to— oh, and then— and you're going to be supportive right now.

Oh, okay, right now.

And then he starts talking about UB. Okay, so he may have had the same nighttime experience that his mother did. I'm just saying. So we come home, we had just seen these colleges that he loved, we go to bed, and the next day he starts telling me about the research that UB is doing. And I was like, UB's down the street, I'm good with that. I think UB is probably less than 10 minutes away from our house. What didn't you say?

Yes.

So There's options is all I'm saying. So it's a wave of emotions. I never know how I'm gonna feel. I think that is normal. And I guess what I wanted to really share is moms have a lot of emotions, all of them. And hopefully you are prepared.

Every day is an adventure.

Well, I mean, this is a whole new adventure.

It is.

And, you know, I talk to you all about self-talk all the time, all the time. And I was catching my thoughts and I was like, you know what, you know, you got to talk to yourself and you got to talk yourself down. And I was like, every single new journey Max has crushed.

He has done very well.

He has crushed every step of the way. And this year, when I said no to taking 5 AP classes— thank you, I think I've blocked it out of my mind— when I said no and he said, "I'm gonna prove you wrong," and he is proving me wrong. So as I was feeling the fear, the nervousness, the sad, the overwhelmed, I— the grief. I mean, grief. Hello, we're gonna feel grief if we're dropping our kid off at college.

Yes.

So I was like, you know what, this is another step, this is another journey, and he's gonna go and he's gonna love it and he's gonna crush it. So if we're telling ourselves a good story, all of those sad emotions, all of those tricky emotions is what she called them. And I love that she used it. Kelly Hutchison, she's a coach, not a therapist. Go find her podcast, Harmony in the Home. And I love that she labels it tricky emotions. And we're gonna have tricky emotions with all things kids related. And if I start paying attention to what I'm telling myself, I could probably make the process a little bit easier, don't you think? Yes, yes. So we are planning our next college tours. Yeah, which is very exciting. I think we have, um, 2 planned and then 1 more in the future.

Yep.

So that'll be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. So we'll see if there's any more.

Yep.

And I did hear, um, my friend is taking her daughter to tours this summer. So we do have all summer, and then the fall is applications, applications for sure. So we're moving and grooving to our next parenting level. We're leveling up. That's right, we're freaking leveling up. So we have definitely done high school for a while.

Yeah.

And we're gonna learn college with Max.

Yes.

And we keep learning with him.

Yes.

Yes. So we're excited. What emotions are you feeling?

Um, proud, excited, scared, nervous.

So it's not all happy.

No.

So you have some tricky feelings too.

I definitely do.

Yes.

And, uh, somebody— when I was picking Lily up at dance, somebody we know asked me how I was feeling and how were they, and I said— his kids are much younger— I said excited and terrified.

Oh God, terrified is a strong word. Big strong word.

So I'm perhaps rethinking a little bit nervous.

We're working on our language transformational vocabulary.

So saying that we're terrified, yes, versus we've A bit nervous, saying that we're nervous.

Oh, which, which brings me to that. I keep hearing people say that we're using the word depressed too often, and it's I'm feeling sad, not I'm feeling depressed. Like, it's word choices.

You know, there are cultures I've read about that don't have a word for depressed, so no one's ever depressed.

That's amazing.

They don't have a word for war, they never fight.

I like that. So we're doing okay.

Yes.

I will tell you, Max is more confused than ever, and every night he tells us a different story. Yes, yes, and that's normal. Yes, everything we're feeling is normal. Everything he's feeling is normal. And I'm gonna keep talking to people with older kids because I learned from them.

Yep.

Talk to people with older kids. Talk to yourself. Talk yourself down. Reach out to friends. Connection.

Yep.

We will all get through every step of parenthood together. And, uh, off we go to our next college tours. So when we go, we'll let you know. We'll let you know how it goes. Yes, yes. So anything else you want to share?

I was on the podcast Friday. Do we know?

Yes, um, Stephanie Mason Teague. Hopefully I'm saying her name right. And ironically, are you ready to laugh?

I'm ready.

The topic is life after kids. Isn't that funny?

Yes.

So our youngest is 11.

She owns Empty Mess.

Empty Mess, yes, you could go find her.

She's even writing a guest article for your newsletter. I believe it goes out next week.

And I, and I read it and I loved it, and I told you that it was a great, great article. So, um, love Stephanie, loved talking to her. You're gonna love her. And even if, you know, like, I don't feel like I'm gonna have an empty nest. I am, you know, like, 6 years away, right? At least minimum. Yes, minimum 6 years away from that. But we do have a kid going to college, and it's nice to hear from people how they're handling it. What they're doing with the empty nest and how she can help us.

Yes.

So you're gonna like her, you're gonna learn from her. And I interviewed an awesome lady today, so we have good content coming. And I gave the February winners their prizes. And the new sign up for the newsletter, everything is on my website at winniepluza.com. You can go to my Linktree and all my websites are in— all of my links are in one spot. You can sign up for the newsletter. I think they can go to the Whiny Clues and Mom group. Yes, I think it's all on there. And the Whiny Clues and Mom group on Facebook is free. It's a supportive community. Come and find us and ask to join, and I'll let you in, and you can be part of the community with us. Tell a friend if you're in it. Um, I love when you share stuff with your friends— the podcast, the vlogs, the blogs.

All of it.

There is a blog every week that I write what we're talking about, and it's at wendypluza.com. Is that good?

That is great.

Yay! So have a wonderful week. I'm hoping next week on Wednesday I will look more rested than I look today.

Oh my God, cut it out.

And I hope that we are more into the routine. I think what's gonna happen is we're gonna get back into the routine, and then we're gonna stop and go on April break, and I'm gonna get out of the routine again. But that's okay.

That's how it works.

That's how it works. So if you're in my town, enjoy having 4 seasons in 1 day.

Yes, we've had a lot today.

I have heard that the weather is going to go up and down all week, so be prepared. And, uh, have a wonderful week.

Happy Whiny Blues Wednesday. Love, love, love your letters and emails about the upcoming podcast. Keep it up.

Oh, thank you so much. Mwah! Bye everyone.