Whinypaluza Wednesday - Remember your Marriage! Vday! Love Languages❤️

Hello everyone, happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday!

No reason why it is Whiny Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza Wednesday. The Green Family. Cha-cha chicken!

Cha-cha chicken!

Thanks, honey. Will you please not go too far? I think your sister's MIA. Yes, of course. I'll call you. Hi everyone! Oh, is it bedtime?

Maybe you should go to bed. Good night everybody, it was a good show.

Oh my gosh, I got my hair cut and highlighted. I can't tell you the last time I did that.

Pre-COVID.

Was, um, no, it was maybe over the summer. I don't know. I don't know when the last time is, but it felt good to have an appointment for myself today. I hope that you are making appointments for yourself.

Yes, try and do some self-care.

I have slacked, and the next appointment will probably be my nails because they need to be done, and I like to do a little pampering.

Yes, you deserve to be pampered.

Thank you for saying that.

Love your hair.

I got my boyfriend over here. So I told Seth that, you know, he hurt his hand, he hurt his finger, and he's not shaving. So I got the scruffy husband with the long hair. So I told him that this is my— I have a boyfriend going on.

Apparently this is my alter ego when I have short hair and I'm clean-shaven. Clark Kent is her husband and Hugh Jackman is her boyfriend, I guess.

I love it.

I got—

I got— you got the scruffy look going.

Yes, just for you, baby.

So I decided this week to take a break from motherhood and parenting.

As a topic on the vlog, not in general.

I was getting there.

Sorry.

I love when you finish my sentences, my sandwiches. Your sandwiches. So I took a break from parenting this week, and I decided with Valentine's Day approaching on Sunday that we would talk about marriage. And in this crazy world of parenting, you will all understand what I'm about to say. I think that we get so wrapped up in keeping up with our kids and we're so busy that sometimes our marriage gets put on the back burner.

Yes.

And I feel really bad about that. And I think that Seth thinks that a lot of times I put the kids first Yes, which makes me so sad because he's my number one person, but he doesn't always feel that way.

Very true. Sorry.

It's true. Do you know how loved you are?

Yes, but that's not what we're talking about now, is it?

So I also feel bad because I realized that we need some Valentine's Day plans, and my friends were talking about the restaurants all being booked, so we may be in trouble.

I'll order you some extra special DoorDash.

Oh, that's not a bad idea. Maybe could I do candlelight in the dining room and kick the kids out of the dining room?

Oh, you're talking! Yes, that counts.

Does that count as a date?

Yes. Can we put up a wall so they have a wall, they— so they can't interrupt?

You're funny. So I decided to— I, I'm always reading. I love, love, love to read. And I find it so inspiring and it keeps me on track with being a good— a better wife and mother. I'm always trying to do better. So I read Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus. I feel like I've read it ages ago and we couldn't find our copy, so I re-bought it and read it again many, many, many years later and learned a lot that I will, I will share a couple things. And I also started The Five Love Languages, which I also feel like I've read in the past but am reading again. So re-bought, re-reading, and I feel like every so often I do need to re-read things because I don't remember everything.

And because you're a different person in a different place than when you first read it. I read Marta from Mars, Luna from Venus near the end of high school, I feel like, and I was in a totally different place then. So I find reading books that if I go back and reread it, I pick up stuff I didn't see the first time or wasn't even there for me because I couldn't comprehend it or process it back then.

So I do think that John Gray is on to a bunch of stuff. He has a bunch of books. I think he's on to a lot. I think that you can't always pigeonhole the genders. And the reason I say that is he talks a lot about the man going into their cave cave. And I think what Seth would tell you is that I do the same thing. Wouldn't you tell— wouldn't you say that I do the same thing?

I think you are more of the hide in the emotional cave person than I am.

So I am Cancer the Crab. I was born on June 25th, and I think that the way that Seth would describe it is I go and hide in my shell.

Yes, your emotional shell. Otherwise, sometimes to the uninitiated, might look like the silent treatment. Oh, she's not talking to me. She refuses to talk. But I have learned, thanks to this and you, to realize that if I am patient enough, long enough, hopefully I can stand it, you will eventually come out of your shell and be ready to talk after you've gotten over whatever the hurt is that hopefully I didn't cause.

So what I have learned is that I need to communicate and say, "I can't talk right now." Yeah. I'll be back.

Yes, you're checking out for a little while.

I'm checking out. I need to regroup. I'll be back. Yes. So I don't know that it's always as cut and dry, as stereotypical as he makes it. I do think—

in the book—

I do think that he makes a good point. And again, it's not going to go with all men, but I think he makes a good point that men don't like unsolicited help or advice because it makes them feel like we don't have confidence in them.

Yeah.

Or I was laughing when he was talking about women's indirect communication.

You do that just a little bit.

Well, so like, I'm gonna give them a couple examples.

All right, here's the bus we're getting under.

So I will say, "The garbage is really full," instead of, "When you have a minute, can you please take out the garbage?" See, even that, "When you have a minute," still isn't—

it still is indirect.

No!

Because what if I don't have a minute for days? You're gonna get mad. It needs to be 10 take the garbage out right now, pretty please.

Okay.

Or—

oh shoot, see, now I lost my other one. What was my other one? Oh, so like he uses the example of, um, we haven't gone on a date in a really long time, instead of saying, let's please make plans to go on a date this weekend. I would like to go on a date. So he just talks about how my brother— what did my brother call it? Female Yes. Do you remember him making fun of me?

Yes.

So my mother and I will say something and my brother used to roll his eyes and be like, oh my God, women speak. They're being like women. Women speak. And I guess I'm trying to just be more direct in my communication. So I think it was good. I think I learned more about you. But I want to talk about this because I think that there are so many different ways to to show our love, right? And we all like different things. And I think that one of my lessons through this, and we knew this before I started the book, is that Seth will tell me that my love language is acts of service. And that is doing things for each other. So when he fills my car with gas, when he runs an errand, does the dishes.

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE] takes care of Lily's situation.

When you help me, when I feel, you know, helped.

Yes, the way you want to be helped.

That's important. So when I feel helped how I want to be helped.

Yes, because there's plenty of times that you go, that's not— I said I'm helping, and you say, that's not how I wanted you to help.

So we were talking one day and you said to me something very important. You said your love language is acts of service That is not my love language. You said, "I'm auditory." Yes. And I need to hear you say your love. I need to feel appreciated. I need you to say it.

Yes, which goes into one of our conflict patterns because you're not auditory to the extent that I am. So, you will say things you don't mean or you are too intense in a moment for me. Growing up raised by a librarian and a quiet attorney, so it seems more intense to me than it does to you, and therefore it— I feel it worse because to me I'm auditory and those words hurt, whereas you think that was not a big deal.

Well, but I'm learning. We have to learn about each other and we have to hear what our partner needs. And I mean, I would say 17 years later, yes, that I know to work harder at thinking before I speak because you want me to really mean what I say.

I know, I've read the books, 80% of communication is nonverbal, but you can't put that in a court of law. To me, I believe the words that are coming out of your mouth, so it is important that you choose them carefully, and I know I drive you crazy.

He has said this so many times. So many times. It is no secret what Seth's love language is. It does drive me crazy, and that you actually do it every time. Okay, so we took the quiz last night.

From the book.

From the book. And Seth was shocked that I scored the highest on physical touch.

So she was forging the answers.

Well, I don't think I was forging the answers. I think it's situational and I think that it's fluid and I think we need to reevaluate and discuss what we need at certain times because Seth really hurt himself. I mean, he did some sort of nerve damage, I think. And has been in so much pain that I'm afraid to touch him. So I'm not like reaching for his hand because I don't want to grab the wrong hand, you know, like I'm used to him like just grabbing a hug or a kiss at any moment and like there's none of that. We have like, I have basically been like there's a bubble around Seth and I'm just kind of leaving him alone. So, well, every, every so often he's like, ouch, because he hits his finger. So I'm like staying far away from him. So I think that just situationally, because I'm not even like touching you—

It's funny because you had never in 17 years complained that you were deprived of touch.

No, because you're always hugging or kissing or grabbing my hand, so I took it for granted.

Look at that. However, I had always assumed that her love language, at least since children, was acts of service. Because if you think, if you reverse it, what she complains about the most Nobody helps me. You don't help me enough. You're not helping often enough, blah blah blah. So I'm like, okay, that's what she wants. Interesting. Haven't tried— haven't touched her in a week, and now she's like, hey, I kind of miss that. Which is good, because at other times you might have said, get away from me, stop touching me all the time, give me my space, right? Go away, come back.

That's Lily's song. Um, So, the other stuff, the other love languages are quality time, receiving gifts, and I think we did the rest of them.

Words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch.

Yeah.

So, it's interesting because what I realized is that even if your partner says that quality time is their favorite love language, like their top need, that doesn't mean that we know what they need. We have to have the conversation. So like, for me, it counts if we watch a movie on the couch together. That counts as quality time to me. Whereas someone else might say, no, I actually want to have a conversation, and that's quality time. So I think that it's good to find out what our partner needs, but we also need to ask questions. Like, for gifts. I'm very specific, like, I'm like, I will never get enough jewelry.

And, and so that Seth is clear, which doesn't make sense to me for a certain period of time because she'll be like, oh, I want those earrings. I'm like, you have 17 pairs of earrings, you only have 2 ears and a couple holes. I don't understand. And but then she learned and she said, how many of the same magic trick do you have? How many ways do you have to accomplish make something disappear, or whatever it is. I'll be like, oh, that's right, I'm a sucker for that type of trick. I will just keep buying them because they keep coming out with new ones.

So magic tricks to Seth— yes— is jewelry to Rebecca.

Yes, I had to learn the language.

And I also think my favorite is when you show up with a cup of coffee.

You do like that? Yes, very much. That is the receiving gifts, the random surprise.

So it goes even further than this.

You like the flowers I sent you a week or two ago?

I like random flowers. You can do that. So it goes further than our spouse, and I want to get the Five Love— the Five Love Languages of Children.

Yes, he's got more than one book.

He's got a bunch of books, and I think that it's interesting. I want to kind of assess what my kids each need because they're all so different. And I wanna, you know, if you think about it, you know what your friends need. Every friend is different. And, you know, your parents might need something different from you. So I think it goes beyond your relationship, right?

Yes.

I don't think it's just love languages for couples. He's got a million books, so there's so much to read. There's so much to keep me busy. I would love your book suggestions. I would love your topic suggestions. I wanted to take a break and talk about marriage a little bit. I think I'm always learning more about parenting and I'm always learning more about marriage and always trying to remember my marriage. Sorry about that, honey.

That's how you got those kids that you complain about sometimes.

Well, it's interesting because when we get together with our spouse, it's just just the two of us. You know how this is. And we give each other so much attention and we have so much time for each other. And will you stop? And don't make me blush. And you have time for each other and you have time to have a conversation without being interrupted. And then you have the kids, and then you have more kids, and then you have less time, and then maybe you forget to make time for your marriage. I just don't want us to forget about each other and then the kids move out and you look at each other and you're like, who are you? And, and where did you come from?

I don't know about— yeah, I don't know about that.

Well, I'm just saying that it can happen.

Yes, yes, I've heard about that.

I—

it's not gonna happen and we're gonna do great and we're gonna make time for each other, but I'm saying that if we always put the kids first And we—

you— I am not the guilty one of always putting the kids.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Your department.

I will do better.

Thank you. Okay, I'll take the blame for my stuff. That is not on my list of things that Seth needs to fix in our marriage.

Oh my goodness.

Or work on.

Well, so I will make time for you this weekend for Valentine's Day in between soccer and rehearsal. Oh my God. Well, and you know what, it's so sad because because Seth hasn't gone so much. That's another factor, is that he works all day, comes home, hopefully I can squeeze in a dinner for him, and then he takes Max to God knows where for soccer.

Yes, both of Max's soccer teams are in full swing, both of his goalie training programs are in full swing now, so lots of drive, lots of wheel time for Daddy.

I don't know how you think you're gonna fit football into that, but that's a whole nother story.

That was not my idea.

Okay, so my point is we have 3 kids in 3 directions. I'm usually driving the girls. Seth is usually in Rochester or West Seneca with Max. Wherever, wherever you're off to with Max. And so we don't necessarily see each other as much as we would like. Yes. So I think that that's part of it, is that we're very busy.

Yes, well, our children have kept us very busy. I am not traveling, I am not working till 9 o'clock at night. It is— I am the, the primary source of my absence would be Max.

Those soccer teams. So we will carve out some time for each other this weekend. Yes, I hope you will carve out some time for spouse. I hope you will have a conversation about love languages and what they need from you. And what is— I feel like I had two things that I wanted to tell them. Oh, first thing is that new— there's a new podcast on Friday. I think it might be Kelly Hutchison on emotional eating, but I'm honestly not sure. It is super fascinating topic to me, and I learned a lot and loved talking to her. And I also started a Whiny Palooza Mom group on Facebook. So go join the group, and, um, I'm going to share tips, and moms can share whatever they want and ask whatever they want, or dads, and we can talk about parenting and marriage. Etc. And thank you so much for being here with us. And I don't know where my kids are.

Ella, thank you for watching Moneypalooza Wednesday.

Oh, let Ella do it.

Thank you for watching Moneypalooza Wednesday with the Green Family.

Ciao ciao, chicken.

And Lily is crying in the other room. Happy Wine-A-Palooza Wednesday! See you next week.