Whinypaluza Wednesday - Saying Goodbye to Soccer

It's such a better screen. I hear somebody coming. If it works, it's a good camera. Yay! Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday. I forgot about Ella Bella. No need to whine, it's Whiny Blues on Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Whiny Blues on Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha-chicken.

Thanks, Ella, your timing is perfection. Um, go check— I'm gonna check this out— go check the sound in a different room. Hello everyone, happy Wednesday! Joette, we are on my laptop through StreamYard, uh, trying to do a better picture for you because we've been using my phone. Can you turn that off, little one? Um, we've been trying to use my phone, but the phone screen is so tiny that I want to try my laptop again. How's the sound, honey?

Sound is good.

Okay, so everybody who is watching us, let us know if the sound if the audio and the visual is good for you.

Yes, can you hear us? Can you see us? Give us a comment in the Facebook comments.

Yes, please. Um, so, ah, happy Whiny Blues Wednesday! Happy Whiny Blues Wednesday! Ella sang us in, her timing was great. Um, it's a hard topic for me this week. Oh yay, thank you, Joette! Um, and you can see so much more of us, right?

That's what the show was missing.

Tanner, back off. Back off, dog. We love you. So the topic this week is saying goodbye to soccer. And if I get emotional, I'm going to tell you that I probably will get emotional. I'm going to do my best to articulate my thoughts. But this is an emotional topic. Yes. Right? Yes. Seth is leaning and petting the dog.

I'm keeping the dog over here.

Oh, so, um, it's been a supercharged emotional week for me for, um, a big reason. So our son has been playing soccer since he was tiny. Um, Max was a very typical little boy, um, who I chased all over the place. Um, I will never forget being pregnant with Ella and trying to chase him That was a challenge. So my mother had said to me that my brother was the same way, and so she put him in sports. And I was like, oh, my smart mother, let's put Max in soccer so he can run and run and run. And it was brilliant, and he loved it, and he excelled at it. And Seth coached him in his house teams for many years.

And then, yeah, then of course travel team.

Did you coach? You did coach the travel team?

Second year.

Yeah. And then he moved to professional travel teams. And dads were not allowed to coach.

They had to pitch in one college coach was coaching his team.

But you did coach him for many, many years. Seth used to say, who wants to be goalie? And the kids—

Not it. Everybody would say not it. We were supposed to rotate.

None of the kids wanted to be goalie. And he put Max in.

Yeah, I may have said, you're my son, you have to listen, you can't be naughty.

And he saved everything.

Yeah.

And then they would put someone else in and they would let goals in and Max and Seth would get frustrated.

Yeah.

So Max quickly became the goalie.

We stopped taking turns.

I really loved watching him make goals. But it was awesome to watch him prevent goals too.

Yes.

So trainings, tournaments, camps, travel teams, house teams, like years and years and years and years of soccer.

Okay, 12 years.

We think it was 12 years. We might be doing the math wrong. Yeah, it was 12. So, we saw his interest waning. We saw his passion waning. And I realized that I had work to do with my husband. And he's come a long way and I'm really proud of him. But when our conversation began, I started to point out to him that I was seeing Max's passion and zest and interest fade. And that I saw him going through the motions and being kind of coerced into going because we always want him to do a sport because we want him to be part of a team and we want him to be physical.

Yes.

I have told him I don't care at this point. We've had many, many conversations. I have told him I don't care what sport he plays as long as he does something to be part of a team and physical. I don't want him home gaming. Like, that's not what I want. That's not what I want for him. So I started to coach Seth seeing that Max's interest in soccer was fading. Right?

Yes.

Um, it was really hard for you at first.

Yes.

And he's come a long way.

I have.

And let it go. How were you able to come a long way and let it go?

I didn't really have a choice.

Seth was really invested. Um, we saw how talented he was, how talented he is, and Seth was talking to colleges, like he had colleges were approaching us. Yes. So we saw a goalkeeper scholarship in his future.

Yes.

We do not, as of today, this moment, we do not see that. Um, he's only a sophomore, so you just never know, things change. But, um, he doesn't want to play college soccer at this point, and he doesn't want to— well, So, okay, so Seth has come a long way.

Yes.

I thought that I was okay because I was so focused on making sure Seth was okay.

Yes.

That I didn't really work on myself. I just thought I was fine with it. And then, so he's playing football. We let him play football this year. As you know, he loves it. His passion is back. His zest is back. He wants to be early for practice. Like, he runs to practice. I mean, the difference is unbelievable. Do you see it? I see So, okay, so Max made a really good travel soccer team. Lots of travel involved.

Half the games are in other states. And this is the team he's been trying to make for the last 4 years.

So if, if Max wanted to do it, Seth and I were prepared to spend a lot of time and money traveling for soccer. Yes, we would, we would do, we would do that for him in a heartbeat.

Yes.

And so Seth is like, we have to tell them if you're not playing. So football's ending, travel soccer was beginning, and Max was like, I don't want to do it. And Seth was like, you got to come over here. You got to help me word this email. And I was like, I get in this deer in headlights frozen place that Seth doesn't like, but that's where I was. Did you see it?

I saw it.

That's where I went.

Yep.

And I told Seth that I needed a day. I went upstairs, I asked Max, I was like, are you sure you don't want to play soccer? And he didn't flinch. He was like, nope, nope. And I was like, I'm gonna give it a day. Him and I need to sit with this before we email anybody. The next day I go upstairs, I'm fighting back tears. Do you want to play soccer? No. Doesn't flinch. He's absolute doesn't want to play soccer. Talking about wrestling now. Wants to try wrestling, we think, right?

That's the deal. He's doing something.

So I go downstairs crying, not realizing that the finality of it was going to be so hard for me.

Yes, maybe it hadn't sunk in.

It did not sink in because I knew he didn't want to play school soccer. I knew school soccer was out of the question because football is the same season. So I knew that he was going to play football and not school soccer, but I didn't know for sure that he wasn't going to do his travel team. But what I see as a mother, and, um, a mother down the street, our neighbor, said the exact same thing without me telling her. She said that them playing school sports is so much better than a travel team because of the connection. You're making connections with kids at your school, and the difference is unbelievable. When you're on a travel team, there's kids from all over the place, and Max didn't make any connections, right?

Not gonna see them anywhere else.

We didn't make any connections either. I mean, I didn't make any friends. Max didn't make any friends. I mean, lovely people, so, um, I didn't know that he wasn't going to want to play travel soccer either. I didn't know it was so final. The travel soccer team was unbelievable and said he could come back at any point, so they left the door open to Max, which made me feel so much better. But he tried football, now he wants to try wrestling. I love that he wants to try new things. I love that he's being part of school sports. And I see the difference and I see the happiness. And my friend commented on my blog. If you don't know, I write the topic, I post the topic, and then I talk about it later that night. And so my friend read my blog and said, "Good point that just because we're good at something doesn't mean we're passionate about it." And I was like, I didn't put that. I described that, but I didn't really use those words. And that was really helpful to me that she said that, that just because he's good at it doesn't mean he wants to do it.

Right.

And then I have coached myself through this blog, writing this blog. I might have cried writing it, but I needed to get it out. And getting things out onto paper is so good for me. And what I realized when I was writing it is that he is athletic. Like he's just athletic. I think and hope that no matter what sport he plays, no matter what sport he takes part in, that he's going to bring his athletic ability and training to that sport. So I was like, just because he got all these great skills from soccer and he has all this natural athletic talent— like, our kids have so many different strengths. Max happens to have athletic strength. So he can take it and he can apply it to other sports.

Yes.

Right?

You got it.

So I've had to, I've had to really realize that we want our kids to do things for them and not do things for us. And that doesn't just apply to Max, that applies to every single child. Is your child playing the sport or doing the club or doing the activity to please you? Are they doing it for you? Are they doing it for them? Because I want my kids to do stuff for them. So I said to Lily, I want you to do cheerleading for you. I don't want you to do cheerleading for me. If it's something you want to do, go for it. Ella, I don't want you to do acting for Daddy. I want you to do acting if it's something that you love, which she says she does. Max. I don't want Max to do soccer to please Seth. I don't want Max to do things to please other people, whether it's Seth or Seth's dad. I want him to do things that are his path in his own way. I picked, I picked my sports. I picked my college. I picked my career. I picked my husband. Max needs to do the same thing. This is his life, not my life. I had my chance to do— I still have my chance every day. I lead my own life, and I want him— he said to me the other day, um, what career do you want me to do? Because this is what I say to him. I say, I didn't realize it was putting too much pressure on him. I want you to use that great brain of yours to do something good in this universe. So he's like, oh geez, like, what does— hi Melissa! We gotta send hearts to Melissa.

Hearts to Melissa.

We love your hearts, Melissa. So yeah, help me, what was I saying? Back up before Melissa. College. Oh, I said to Max, I want you to use your brains to do, to do greatness in this universe. He has such a good brain, do something with it. And he's like, he said to me the other day, what career are you expecting me to do? And I was like, there's no, like, I don't have something in mind. I want you, I want Max to figure out, I want my daughters to figure out a career that brings them passion and that they can do something to contribute to this world. So I'm not trying to give him pressure and I'm not trying to suggest anything. Right. I want him to do what he wants. I want him to pick the wife that he wants. Not— it's not about me. So I've told Seth it's not about him. Um, it's a good— it's a good opportunity for all of us to check in with our kids, you know. Um, how is this activity going? How is the sport going? Are you enjoying it? Is there something else that you want to try? Ella is so excited for high school. She wants to try out for Dance Line. She probably wants to join the drama club. Like, she has all these ideas for high school, so I'm excited for her to try new things. And she's picking them. I'm not picking them. I'm not saying— I said to her today, um, she really wants to try out for a school sport for the winter. So if you have a suggestion for Ella, please let us know because she would love to try something. And she's like, maybe I'll do swimming. I was like, what about cheerleading? She doesn't want to do cheerleading, people, but I suggested it and she said no. I didn't push, right? Um, so I don't know what Ella's gonna try, but we are open to suggestions. Yes. Okay, so we've moved past soccer. We don't know if it's gonna come back up. For now, he is not doing soccer. Um, it was harder for Seth and I to accept it than it was for Max, right? I think Max is like— I think Max is like, he's, he's not sweating it. I, I think about all of the time and training and money, and I'm not looking at it as a waste of time. I'm looking at it as an investment into Max. And making Max the athlete that he is today. And I hope he brings that to whatever he does, whatever he does next. So I have asked him to be active all year. Um, I, I don't know how I feel about the spring because football kind of starts in the spring, so we will revisit this in the spring.

Yep, we'll let you know how it goes.

We will keep you posted on Max's adventures. But our kids are our greatest teachers. I can't believe what this kid of mine teaches me. I have a list of lessons. Can I run through?

It's your show.

Yeah. Don't be afraid to try new things. We've talked about this before with football. Take risks. We've also talked about this, but it's good for me to be reminded to try new things and take risks. Every time I try something new and take risks, um, it pushes me and helps me grow.

That's, that's why you buy all the new foods at the grocery store, all the new snacks, to help you grow.

Well, we don't want to grow. I don't want to grow out.

That's not what I meant. I was repeating what you said.

So I have this thing that Seth and Max make fun of, that if something says new at the grocery store, I buy it. Um, I love to try new things. I'd love to try new restaurants. I'd love to try new foods. And I love when they come out with new things at the grocery store.

Like new flavors of M&M's.

And I am obsessed with pumpkin, so anything that says pumpkin on it right now—

pumpkin and new—

forget about it. Max will go over to the snack cart and see something and be like, oh, this is new! You found something new, Mom?

Why'd you buy this? Oh, it's new! Doesn't look very good, buddy.

And if there's a new M&M, you know, I'm gonna try it.

I think they should make up some weird flavors just to mess with you.

Barbecue. Barbecue. It's gross. Okay, what else did he teach you?

That wasn't one of the lessons.

Okay, so this is a really cool lesson. Do something that makes you want to show up early. Um, I mean, I can't believe how early— see, now I'm getting emotional. He wants to be so early every day for football. I mean, that's passion, that's love. Like, that shows you that he wants to go, not dragging him to soccer practice, right? He's taught me that I can feel a lot of emotions at the same time, which I probably already should have known.

You're very good at that.

Um, have you noticed that about me?

Yeah, I think it's— I see I have a one-processor brain and you have a multi-processor brain, and I'm like, I can't keep up. Process does not compute all the feelings.

Have you adjusted to my way of computing my emotions?

I try and adjust to it every day of our marriage.

I, um, Seth is very— he likes things to be constant and predictable and one-dimensional, and that is how his brain works. And he married me. Crazy, right? Oh my gosh. So I have a lot of emotions at the same time about all of this. I have been mourning soccer and been sad, and I also have been so freaking happy to see my son so happy and passionate and zestful and excited. Um, I would do anything for that. I mean That's the best, to see your kid excited for something.

Yes.

Um, so yeah, lots of emotions. This is about our kids. It is not about us. And I will say that over and over again to Seth and I, to just remember that, you know, Ella talks about going to Syracuse for college, and I was just thinking about the other day, she's never seen it.

She doesn't know anything other than I went there.

It's very frustrating to me as her mother because, you know, and I will talk to her about this, she's very fixated on going there to college because, you know, Seth went there and it's a really good acting college. But I want to make sure— I want her to go there for her. Like, is she going to excite Seth? Sure. She gonna make Seth happy? Sure. But Seth is going to be happy no matter where she goes to college. She can go anywhere and we will be proud and happy for her.

Apparently, yes.

So I just want us to, as we go through life with our kids, just make sure they're doing things to please— help them learn to please themselves. And we always want to please our parents. I mean, I am a people pleaser. I always wanted to please my parents. And I wasn't— maybe the reason I'm so, um, what is the word I'm looking for? I'm so strong on this is because I maybe didn't know how to please myself. And I've learned, like, I'm learning through the years, what do I— like, I ask myself, what do I want? Not what does Seth want, not what do my kids want, not what my parents want. What does Rebecca want? And I want us to teach that to our kids, and I want to teach that to my children way sooner.

Yes.

Than when I learned, because I think I was probably in my 30s. Um, I think that our kids will want to do things to please us. If you played hockey, they want to play hockey. If you went to Cornell, they think that you expect them to go to Cornell. So where do they want to go to college? What sports do they want to play? What activities do they want to join? Who do they want to be friends with, as long as they're good influences? Who do they want to date, as long as they are treated appropriately? I talked to my kids about that. So I call myself my kids' tour guide in this lifetime. It is a title that I gave myself somewhere along the way. It's like God gave me to them to be their guide through life. I'm here to guide them and help them figure out what is best for them. It is not my job to tell them what to do. Right. So beautifully said. So I will continue to guide my kids. Will continue to guide Max. I'm super excited to see what's ahead for him. I feel, um, I feel really honored to get to be my kids' parent, and, um, I'm just trying to do the best job for them. And I can't wait to see what's next for Max and what's next for our girls. Um, never dull. Life is never dull with children.

Right, right.

And, um, Tanner, you're gonna knock stuff over. He is so interested in what we're doing.

We switched up the, the stand. It's not the normal—

he's very confused. Stay, stay. So anything else that you want to say?

Thank you for watching.

No, I'm not done.

Oh, sorry. No, nothing else I want to say.

I wasn't like, wrap it up.

I apologize, I thought you were. Proceed, madam.

I just finished my October challenge in my Winey Plousa Mom group on Facebook and, um, I'm going shopping tomorrow to grab the prize and drop it off as the fairy that I am. And, um, so come join the Winey Plousa Mom group on Facebook. Um, go read the blog, it's, um, at wineyplousa.com. And, um, I love when you like and comment on stuff. It is super helpful.

Share it with all your moms that you know.

And finally, and I'm asking way too much, but if you haven't checked out the podcast, go check out the Whiny Fooza Podcast.

On iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, everywhere.

And you are awesome and you send me guest ideas and topic ideas, so keep 'em coming.

Keep 'em coming.

And I appreciate you all. And I appreciate getting this topic out by talking about it and writing about it. So that was good for me. Was it good for you? Not as good for me as good as I didn't write about. So you— so is talking about it therapeutic to you? Or you're over it?

I wasn't aware I needed any therapy.

Okay. I was in denial. I think, Seth, I think that I have been coaching you for so long that I didn't work on myself. Yeah, so now that you're okay, yes, I'll work on myself, but I'm okay. I'm happy. I'm happy for him. And here we go. Okay, moving forward.

Here we go.

Okay, so thank you everyone. Go ahead.

Thank you for watching Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family.

Have a wonderful week.

Ciao ciao, chicken, everybody.