Whinypaluza Wednesday: The Friday I Failed

Hello, hello! Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday! No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family.

Cha-cha chicken!

Thanks, sweetie. Ella and I are falling asleep. I'm not falling asleep. Will you stay close because I need you to close out? Your sister's on the phone. Hello everyone!

Hello, wonderful!

Oh, that's you saying hello.

I'm saying hello as you to everyone.

Can you come closer?

Sure.

I'll try not to fall asleep on Seth.

Okay, I'll try and keep you awake, honey.

How is everyone holding up? How was your day? How are you doing with September? September is almost over.

Are you gonna have a party?

Oh, and I forgot to call Laura. Happy birthday, Laura!

Happy birthday, Laura!

I need to go call my friend Laura and say happy birthday. Um, the reason why I remember that— the reason why I remembered that is because today's the 29th, tomorrow's the 30th, and then October. What? What?

That's why you remember that it's Laura's birthday?

Yeah.

I don't know what— what has to do with Laura's birthday?

Well, because when September is ending, it's Laura's birthday, because her birthday's end of them. Her birthday's at the end of the month. So first comes Christina, and then comes Laura, and then comes October.

Okay, so that's how we know that.

So goodbye September, I won't miss you. Hello October.

We've got issues.

And October 2nd is Lily's birthday, so she's turning 9. So it's an exciting weekend.

Yep.

And I did this I thought I did this like inspiring blog about un-superwomaning ourselves.

You did.

And I was so like into it.

Lots of people participated.

I was so happy. And I was like, yes, this is your un-superwomaning yourself. I'm so proud of you. And that was Wednesday. And then by Friday, I was crying. And my expectations were like, at a realistic place when I was talking to you on Wednesday, and then by Friday they had climbed.

Ah, you did not follow your own advice.

I can't do it with the camera. So I was so—

I'm back.

I was so proud of myself on Wednesday, but then by Friday I wasn't un-Superwoman-ing myself and I was crying.

Put the cape back on.

So I was like so upset, and I'll tell you about it. But I said, you know what, the topic is the Friday I failed. And I'm putting failed in quotes because I didn't really fail. But I felt like I was struggling. And I wanted to vent it out. And I forgot how much it helps me to write something out that's upsetting me. And I felt so much better when I got it out. And I also find that when we write it out, we can see it more clearly. And I was like, oh, woman, what were you thinking?

What were you thinking?

So I call Seth. So I drop the girls off at school, and the librarian says to me as I'm pulling out—

This is Friday, right?

Friday.

Friday.

So I'm pulling out of the parking lot and the librarian says, "Aren't you staying? Like, when does Rebecca Green leave when there's an event going on? Like, why is she pulling out of the driveway and why isn't she going—" The nerve of you. Why isn't she going inside to work the book fair? So I took a second to realize what he was saying and why he was saying it. And by the time I got home, I was crying.

I gotta go punch that guy. No, he's wonderful.

He was joking. I know.

So, but he got you. You, you allowed him to make you upset, my honey. He doesn't have any idea that he's got no clue unless he's watching right now.

So I call Seth. Yes. Crying. Yes. And I'm like, I didn't sign up to work the book fair, and I didn't send Lily with any money to buy any books, and I didn't buy Ella tickets to see Frozen, and tonight's the last night, and I just can't seem to do anything, and Fall Fest is tonight, and it's the first Fall Fest, and Lily is going to her dance classes, and we're gonna miss Fall Fest, and I just can't do it all. And Seth is like, yeah, we've talked about this.

We were on air 48 hours ago.

We just talked about the beg that you can't do it all. And here I am crying that you couldn't do it all. I couldn't do it all. So it's okay. Thank you.

Getting past the denial.

So I want to say thank you to Seth for listening. Thank you. You're welcome. And for being patient and kind. And he is like, she doesn't need any more books. And I'm like, oh, to be Seth. That's his response. She doesn't need any more books.

The bookshelf full of books that she hadn't read yet that we could just wrap one up and go, surprise, here's the book fair in the living playroom, and she wouldn't even know she already had it.

So my friend Nikki— doing that with presents. So my friend Nikki— that's true, Seth— my friend Nikki works at school, and she texted me and said, Lily and Kaylee want to buy journals, are you okay with that?

You let her buy another journal?

Well, you— there's like 4. I'm not done. You didn't tell me. So Nikki's like, can Kaylee and Lily buy these matching journals? And I said, I said, oh my God, of course, let Lily buy whatever she wants and I'll pay you back. And I'm like, here, you have to problem solve. Just because you didn't send your kid with money. I used to work the book fair and people's kid— people's parents forgot money all the time. I would text them and be like, do you want to pay me back? Or whatever.

She was the book fair bank unofficially.

So I was the parent who didn't send my kid with any money, and I didn't set up the e-wallet.

Where's that e-wallet for the book fair at school? I didn't set it up. Seriously, what is this world?

So I not only did I not send her with money, I didn't— I didn't set up an e-wallet for her, but But we have to move from feeling sad and down on ourselves to problem solving. Who can help us? What is going to fix it? What choice are you going to make? And I have friends who work at school. Yes, that is very helpful. I can text any one of my wonderful friends and say, I didn't give Lily money.

Spot Lily a $20 for a journal she doesn't need.

Give Lily $20. I'll bring you $20. So Nikki, thank you. She texted me, she got a matching journal, she bought Lily stuff, she took Lily to the book fair. I didn't take Lily to the book fair, she bought Lily stuff. And you're still waiting to tell about it. We don't have to go to everything with our kids, we can enlist help. That's right, you use some support.

I use my support.

We have grandparents, we have friends, we have spouses. We have to have stand-ins and we have to make choices. Lily chose her dance classes. I gave her the choice.

It was very nice of her to get you out of Fall Fest.

She chose her dance classes. Doesn't mean it was the right choice, but she chose to go to dance instead of the Fall Fest. Um, Fall Fest looked wonderful. It also looked moms— they didn't need us. They had a successful event without us.

It's possible it wasn't a Rebecca Green production and it turned out okay.

I didn't plan it, volunteer for it.

How does that feel?

Uh, Maple West— oh, I shouldn't say their school. Oops, oops. Uh, their schools move on without me. They don't need any of us. There's always new moms to take over, and it was successful without us. Hi, Sandy. He's making fun of me. They do do events without me.

In fact, um, the whole place would have fallen apart.

They had new mothers who did the whole event, and they did a fabulous job.

And new mothers that are part of volunteering, not they just had a baby.

No, new mothers like they're new to the school. Yes, yes. So we don't have to volunteer for everything. We have to make choices. We have to enlist help. Gotta prioritize. What is the best decision I can make right now? I'm gonna let her go to her dance classes. I'm laughing at Seth's jokes.

Thank you, Sandy.

Seth is funny. He wasn't funny at the soccer game, but he's funny now.

Yeah, making up for it.

I don't like you making jokes on my behalf and making fun of me, but that's another whole story.

Oh, I'm sorry. You mean right now? I'm in trouble now? No, I know why I'm in trouble at the soccer game.

So, okay, Max had an awesome soccer game. Yes, fabulous. Seth, sometimes his sarcasm goes a little too far. Yeah, and hurts my feelings. I didn't, I didn't mean to hurt—

I'm sorry.

But you're a wonderful husband and you didn't mean to hurt my feelings.

Yes, okay, so all we had to do was do this live and all is well.

Or I let it go before the live.

You didn't tell me that.

I told you I was mad when I got home. Oh yes, very much. And I got it out.

You did get it out. You expressed how you felt and then I moved on. I didn't know about that part.

I tend to let things go quicker than you do.

Very much. That's another vlog.

Yes, I don't know how you do that.

Excellent skill.

It's modeling, I think. I think I was just taught to do that.

Okay, I missed that day.

I don't tend to hold grudges. Nope.

Right, right. Unless you have— if you haven't against me, I don't know about them.

Okay, so I felt like I was failing my Friday.

You were failing your Friday.

And I wrote it all down and I made myself feel better. And I said, how are you ever really failing if you learn from it. Correct. And it's never failing if we're learning from things. And I don't want you to fall over, but my book club hadn't met, met in a long time, and I didn't put two and two together that my book club was meeting the day of the book fair.

You had your mini book fair with a few people.

And we didn't talk about—

of course you never talk about it.

We do, we do talk about the book, we just didn't this time.

Okay, I would bet out of a 3-hour conversation, 2 hours and 30 minutes are not about the book, right?

That's correct. That—

see, I don't understand. And my definition of book club is the 2 hours and 30 minutes, first of all, is way too long to discuss a book. We didn't even discuss that long on a book in like AP English in high school that you're getting graded on because you're not talking about the book.

Well, the joke of a book club is that the better the book club, the less you talk about the book.

Then why are you— why don't— why are you calling it a book club? Why don't you just call it a group of friends getting together?

Well, because we read every month and it is a book club.

Okay, that's a whole separate conversation.

Okay, we could talk about book club forever. Let's not.

You talk about book club forever.

So my book club had made a date to get together the day of the book fair. Yes. And I didn't put two and two together. And I was driving, Seth had calmed me down. I called him, I was crying. Yes. And then I went to meet my book club and I was like, you know what? You're choosing you. Yes. Over Lily. You're choosing you over school. And both of those things are okay.

Aren't you proud of her? Give me something in the chat if you're proud of this lady for making those choices. I am proud of you.

Well, and I know you're proud of me and I, And I'm proud of myself as I'm telling you, but in the moment, I was feeling bad. And I talk about not being Superwoman, but it's a lesson that I learned over and over again.

Yes, see, Sandy's proud of you.

And thank you, Sandy. And our expectations go up and they get unrealistic. Yes, guilt. Guilt, feeling guilty for going to do something for myself. Does that sound crazy or what? It does. You women are brainwashed. So my expectations go up and I can't do the camera. And then I realized that they're too high. And then I bring them back down to more realistic expectations. So as you see yourself start to climb up, bring them back down. Am I being realistic? Am I being too hard on myself? Yes and yes. Am I being ridiculous? Yes. Well, you, you—

no, I mean, I'm not agreeing with you.

You didn't say that I was being ridiculous, but you have heard that from me many times. I mean, yes. How do you feel when I call you crying about stuff like that?

I feel sad that you're crying.

You're so expressive. That's not helpful. What is the husband— how does As a husband, how do you feel when your wife is being too hard on herself, having too high of expectations, telling you something ridiculous that she's upset about?

I, I feel upset and sad and maybe frustrated.

And why are you frustrated?

Because you know better, and I know you know better, and you're doing it to yourself.

So why do you think that I keep learning this lesson?

Well, you haven't learned it yet, otherwise you'd stop repeating it and fix it and don't do it anymore.

So why do I keep repeating the same pattern?

Because you haven't figured it— the light bulb hasn't gone off yet.

I think the light bulb has gone off.

Okay, well then the next time you start to feel yourself, you've got to come up with some type of negative stimuli and condition that out of you, and then come up with a positive stimuli for what you want to do instead and condition that so you erase the pattern.

I need a code word. I think we need—

oh, like a safety word.

I think we need to say like banana when I'm being ridiculous.

Is there a limit to how many times I'm allowed to use the safe word? Banana, banana. See, you're being ridiculous. It didn't work.

What are you talking about?

Well, what if I say banana and you get mad that I said banana and you say no, I'm not being ridiculous, and now you get more ridiculous because I said it?

No, banana like Um, I'm being too hard on myself. So not I'm being ridiculous, just banana. Ah, see, now we're changing. You're being too hard on yourself.

Okay, you're being too hard on yourself. All right, I could do that.

Let's talk about what I learned again, and I will hopefully not learn it again. Just— yes, I learned that— I learned that I chose book club over the book fair and that that's okay. It is okay.

I'm proud of you. It's about damn time.

Oh my God. I learned that being sad doesn't help. When we're sad, we just feel worse. And I quickly shifted to problem solving. Oh, I'm so glad.

Sandy says, this is awesome. I needed a good laugh.

I'm so glad that we can amuse you tonight. Sandy, we all need to laugh. And I want you to know that I have said to Jamie a million times, We'll just laugh our way through. I'm like, it's never ending.

You're talking about parenting?

Okay, we were talking, um, she was grocery shopping tonight. She was grocery shopping tonight. I was picking up Lily. We were talking about Lily's birthday weekend, and I was like, it's freaking endless. Yes. And we just laughed, and we just laugh our way through September, laugh our way through parenting. And the more serious and sad we take it, the harder it is. So sometimes we just need to find the laughter. Yes. So I learned that I needed to move from being sad to problem solving. What am I feeling bad about? Well, if I want Lily to have some books, find a way to get her some books. If you miss the book fair and nobody can buy her some books, take her to Barnes Noble. There are bookstores too. It will be okay. Yes. It's not the end of the world. You know, the other issue is that— hi, Amy's here! The other issue is she's child number 3, and I don't want to neglect her. So I was so into the book fair back when Max went.

Oh my God, she was so excited. I was so excited.

I worked probably the whole day.

She did. She took the whole day off, went and worked, and not—

yep. And then Ella went, and I was still a little bit excited. And now Lily has a book fair, and I'm like, she doesn't care. I don't, I don't. My family wants to know what's so funny because, because I'm L-N-A-O-F.

I know her ass off.

Okay, um, I said my friend chose book club.

I said the title of your next movie, My Friend Chose Book Club. The first rule about book club is we don't talk about book club.

Oh my God, I, I— did she say that? No, I did. Amy said the youngest always miss out. And you're the youngest, and I feel like— I feel the lack of excitement, you know? Like, my friends are like, oh, we're gonna plan the fourth grade party, and I'm like, okay, you did two of those already. I'm like, okay, I guess I should do that for Lily. Um, my point is, is that I don't want her to miss out because I'm not as excited about stuff.

So that's her fault for being born last. Oh, Amy says call me, I will take her.

I'm calling Amy. I'm calling. Reinforcing. So sweet.

Sandy wants to get in on the book club.

Oh yes, okay, we will talk to you.

I learned, Sandy, they don't talk about the books that much.

We do, we rotate what books we—

I know, I know how it's supposed to work.

Jamie just picked the book and we read it and we meet and we talk about it.

Or book club happens. Yeah, I always do. I know you do. I asked Jamie, if she was gonna actually finish the book on time.

Stop it, she's gonna finish the book. Okay, learned that once again my expectations were too high. Yes. And I have to keep adjusting and keep changing, and I, I just find that I keep raising the bar and then I'm shitting all over yourself, and then I have to lower the bar. My Kind of Club, we do talk about the book. Seth is throwing us under the bus. I learned that we have to make decisions and choices, so I chose not to go to Frozen for many reasons, such as we were exhausted. Use supports. Yes, Amy. My friend took Lily to the book fair. I did not, Amy. She bought her books. I paid her back. It all worked out. It did. My friend, my wonderful friend, offered to take Ella to Frozen, and I was like, go. Go. And we were both tired. It was just, you know, September is tiring. It's not the time that we want to go to Shea's. I needed like a Sunday afternoon show. By Friday night, we're toast. So of course, Thursday and Friday, I'm online looking for tickets. Now mind you, I think tickets are cheaper last minute. Do you think so, Seth? Because I think so. I don't know. Okay. I learned that I didn't really fail. I dropped the ball, but it all worked out. I didn't go to Fall Fest. You can always pick up another ball. I didn't go to the book fair, but Lily went to the book fair, and I didn't go to Fall Fest, and that's okay. It is probably better that you didn't.

Lots of people there.

I also learned as I was evaluating my Friday, I was like, think big picture. Does any of this— is any of this really a big deal? It was all like this little stuff, and I think that the exhaustion and we're all go, go, go, go, going, and I think it all adds up. And I was like driving home crying thinking, this all isn't really upsetting, but I think that you're so September overwhelmed that your feelings are just coming out of your eyes.

That is probably true, right?

Right. So my homework assignments for all of us, my first homework assignment Okay, go write something out that is bothering you and watch how it makes you feel better. The writing it out. This was the first time in a long time that I literally ran to my laptop and like started typing furiously to just get it out of my system. And I was like, I miss that. I have to remember how much better I feel when I write. So I am telling you to try it, and I bet you, you will feel better. You do this too. I do. Okay, think about what you feel you are failing at and work on problem solving around it. What can you do to fix the situation? So if I feel like I am not taking Ella to a show at Shea's, is it really a big deal?

Will we remember in 20 years?

I, I mean, problem solving. I could have bought tickets. I could have sent her with our friend. We chose not to go, and we have to make choices, and they're not always right. We don't always know if they're right, but we have to make choices. And when we don't make choices, we get stuck.

Even not choosing is a choice.

Not choosing sucks and makes you feel stuck. Okay, I think— I think you need to make choices.

Monsters and Greenies make you stuck.

They have no idea what you're talking about. You're right. Okay, assignment number 3 is go adjust an expectation that you have on yourself and see if you can tweak it a little to make it more realistic. And then finally, I'm going to remind us probably every week to un-superwoman ourselves. And I'm telling myself because last Wednesday I was like doing great My expectations were lowered. I was so happy. And then by Friday, I'm crying and being hard on myself.

Sandy says this month has been tough because we're coming from doing almost nothing. That's my feeling. Normally busy never bothered me anyway, and now I'm feeling overwhelmed because during the downtime I promised myself I would not be running around, and I'm doing just that.

So I feel like I'm failing too. I have to tell you that I have had major self-talk this month. I am running my kids all over the place and reminding myself how good this all is. And do I miss some of the downtime at home? I do. But to see Max playing soccer and having this team that he's part of, to see Lily cheerleading and the new people that she and her and I are meeting and the team that she's part of, And to see Ella dance off to theater, I mean, I'm driving them multiple places every day. And I'm reminding myself the whole time how fabulous this is. And I'm like, what would you rather be doing? Your kids are so happy. This is so good for them. And yes, they need downtime, but they love what they're doing. We're all tired. We're all tired. I, I have said before, I truly think September is the hardest month. And I think by October, I think we all get in more of a routine and more of— stay— our stamina gets built more. We're all going to bed earlier. Um, and so that was my next comment. Go ahead.

Amy says, in the blink of an eye, they'll all be driving themselves.

So I am driving Max. I'm picking up Max at high school. You all, if you, if you have been watching, you know that Max started high school this year and he's turning 15 in January. So every time I pull in and him and his friends get in my car, I'm like, this time is so limited. I have a year and a half maybe left. I don't know how quickly, quickly they can get their license, but Max will be driving his friends and driving himself before I blink. So I'm like, savor this. You get to, you get to go to high school and pick him up, and soon he's not going to need you to do this. So Amy, I'm so with you. Our kids are so old, and some of you have kids off at college and you're laughing at me, but the fact that he's turning 15 in January, I'm like, next year he's gonna get his permit and we're gonna be teaching him how to drive and he's gonna take off. Oh, don't cry. Oh, you know what though, life— I have been told by friends who have older kids that our babies are turning 15. I know Amy and I were pregnant together, and I have been told by friends who have older kids that when your kids get their license It's amazing, the growth and the independence and the change, and that it's not all sad for us, that we are going to love how they change and who they become. And whoever was talking to me made me feel better, so hopefully I'm making Amy feel a little better. And hopefully you can laugh your way through things with me, and hopefully we gave you some sort of pointers to help you— some edutainment— not feel like you're failing, because I guarantee guarantee you you're not, and I guarantee you I'm not. And I just get in these crazy places and I gotta bring myself back. So, Ella, can you come over here? So this Friday on my Winey Palooza podcast, I have Erica talking about joy. So we all need more joy in our lives. So come— found joy. Come and find us to hear more about finding joy in your days this Friday.

iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, Pandora, Audible, iHeartRadio, and YouTube.

And, um, come join the Whiny Palooza Mom group on Facebook because the October challenge is going to start. What? What? And I'd love to give away prizes, so if you have ideas for challenges or prizes or topics or guests or anything. Topics or guests, feel free to reach out to me. I love your suggestions. And thank you so much for joining me.

Busy never bothered me anyway.

Ella Bella Boo, thank you for watching Winey Wooza Wednesday with the Green Family. Ciao ciao, chicken! Have a wonderful week.