Whinypaluza Wednesday - The Power of Words

Hello everybody!

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday! Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Green Family! Ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao!

Okay, before you leave, wait, sit down with your microphone.

Oh.

Before you leave, you can go in 2 seconds. What is in a week?

My birthday!

What's in one week?

My birthday!

So next Wednesday we are going to talk about being a tween, I think. Ella is turning 12 next Wednesday, so we will be talking about Ella next week. So Ella, get ready to talk.

Okay.

Okay, you can give it to the microphone to Daddy. You're free.

Okay.

I do see something. Okay, I think I fixed it. I hope everyone is having a good day. We have— before we have our topic, I love getting mail. This is my latest mail. Mommy Burnout from Dr. Cheryl Ziegler. Ziegler.

Ziegler.

That's my guess.

Thank you, Dr. Cheryl.

Thank you, Dr. Cheryl. I can't wait to read it. I'm reading so many books.

See, welcome to my world when you get books like every day of everybody and you got to try and keep up.

Well, somebody actually told me who's been doing this podcasting thing for a while that, you know, I'm at the point in my career where I'm excited when— oh, Alice joining! I'm at the point in my career where I get excited when someone sends me a book, so thank you. And I was warned that it will become overwhelming, a lot to read. But the good news is I'm reading like 4 books right now and And I started, you know, I kind of see another thing I learned from you.

Okay, what did you learn?

I used to have to read one book at a time and I was very singular focused. And now, I guess just because of life and everything, I'm reading multiple books.

Yes.

And enjoying it. And I think I'm reading faster, so I have to analyze—

You are definitely reading faster.

Right, but I have to analyze why I'm reading faster.

And you're also reading more, for instance, last night when You said you were ready for bed at 10:30, and I don't know, was it like midnight when I was still laying and you were still reading?

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

The problem is when your book is really good and you don't want to turn off the lights.

Yes, and your spouse is laying there in the light on trying to go to sleep.

I need a book light. I need a book light to put on my books.

All right, we'll get a book light sponsor.

Anyways, I digress. Let's get to our topic.

Yes.

I chose— I decided to just kind of see what my life presents to me every week. I just kind of decided—

hi, Tegan!

The Cosmalas are here! I just decided that I was gonna see what does life present me each week, and I was never— I made a promise to myself not to stress about about a topic and just to see what's going on in my life or to see if someone wants me to write about something. So I decided to write about the power of words because I had been— I had been so disturbed by a couple of things that I saw on social media. So I decided to use my voice and my platform to talk about social media and to talk about words. And I'm gonna start with the fact that I just read something on one of my posts that made me so sad, and I want to tell you something. You all, most of you, are posting the sweetest things. You're making sweet comments, you're liking my stuff, and I appreciate all of you. I appreciate your support, I appreciate you lifting me up, and I went on the this whinypalooza journey to put good stuff out into the universe and to put good stuff out into social media and to really focus on lifting people up. And I really watch what people are posting. I make it a point to like a lot of things, or love. I make it a point to comment on a lot of things because I want people to know that I care about them, and I make it a point to really stick to the positive because why on earth would I wanna make someone feel bad? I have only gotten, I'm gonna knock on some wood, I've only gotten a few comments that have made me feel bad, but it makes me stop and think. And then let's talk about the couple of things that I saw on social media. I made a deal with myself to keep scrolling by stuff that made me upset. And it's not something that I disagree with. I am a firm believer that we can all respectfully disagree. And I'm also a firm believer in keeping an open mind because who knows if someone's gonna have something to say that's gonna make me go, oh, I had, I never thought about it that way, right? Do you feel that way?

Absolutely. I purposely try and read things that are the opposite of what I think I know and what I believe to see, find a shift in perspective, change in viewpoint. I might read a political thing that is completely opposite of how I feel because, you know what, we all want the same things. It's just the manner of execution that might vary very, very differently. So you never know what you might learn. And if you only look at things that are the same point of view as you, you're gonna have tunnel vision and you're never gonna be exposed to stuff outside that and you're never gonna grow. You'll just become further entrenched and you won't learn anything.

Wow. Never thought about it that way. So see, I've never thought about it that way.

So she kept an open mind.

So, ah, like if something is political and they're just kind of explaining their point of view or why they think some way, or if If something is religious and they have something to say, I love to learn about other religions. I don't know much about politics, so I should probably make an effort to learn more about politics. Point being, if I see something that is interesting, I'll read it. If I see something that is disturbing, I really make an effort to scroll by it. And I encourage you to do the same to help your mental health. So one of the ways to keep us sane on social media—

also on unfriend those people.

Yes, Seth has encouraged me to do that before. There were, um, there was one person in particular that I took way too long to unfriend because I don't think I have ever unfriended anyone. It's like this like stigma that I had attached.

No, I don't want to click the button.

It was just the stigma that I had attached that like I want to be nice to everyone and I want to include everybody and I wanted to just you know, let bygones be bygones and just kind of get past—

You have to learn to take care of yourself.

So it got so bad that I finally, you know, like I tend to be that person who, you know, breaks up with someone, breaks up with— not you.

That's good. You're stuck with me.

I'm sealed forever.

Yes, before me.

Before him, like I would break up with someone and then I would break up with someone.

In order to do that, you had to keep getting back together.

And I was like, okay, We can try and then we break up with someone, break up with the same person. Anyways, point being, I tend to give too many chances to people. So I think that we should give people chances. I just think we should also pay attention to how people are treating us on social media.

Yes.

And I was being treated poorly. So I finally did hit the unfriend. But, um, the couple of things that I saw that shocked me, why, why do I let anything shock me at this point? One principal was like going on this rant, kind of venting about how he feels about the whole school situation and how principals everywhere want the kids in school and was just kind of like venting out his emotions.

And social media, not a good place for that.

Well, and he was making good points, like he was right.

But if you are in the public eye, if you are a public figure, you have to watch what you say. Especially on social where it could be screenshotted and, you know, used in a lawsuit or a complaint or something.

So I, I thought my assessment is that he was super respectful. He didn't do anything wrong.

Doesn't matter.

Um, he was making points and was doing it, I thought, in a good manner. And people were like attacking him and I was like, whoa, like what possesses someone to do that on social media? I started to analyze it because when I ask the question, we can usually answer the question. So, you know, it's making them feel better about themselves, it's making them feel better about their opinion, it's making them feel important. If you're attacking somebody else, it's really about you. It's always about you. And I think that the greatest skill that we can learn is not to take something personally. It's like, wow, this person was really mean to me. What is going on with them?

So, and it takes some effort sometimes to think that way.

Well, and I have started to talk to our kids about that, which we need to do more of. They'll come home and be like, so-and-so was like so mean today. And I will be like, well, what's going on with them? Are they having a bad day? Are they feeling okay? What's going on with their family? They, you know, kids don't think that way. So I'm trying to just kind of like stretch their brains to think that way. But The other post was about vaccines. I am not going to talk about vaccines. All I want to say is this woman, this poor woman was like, um, it was some post on vaccine reactions, which I should have kept scrolling. Do not read about vaccine reactions. It will make your mind insane. I was reading about the reactions to the vaccines. I'm like, I should probably read this and just see how people are feeling after the vaccine. And was getting disturbed. And one lady was like, "I felt horrible for 3 days," and started to describe her symptoms. And people were like attacking her. She wasn't saying, "Don't get the vaccine." I don't think.

She was reporting results.

She was just like, "I felt so bad for 3 days." And this one woman said, "Well, you didn't die like the people who have died from COVID." And I was like, "Oh my God, this poor woman." Like, I wanna just like defend her. But I didn't. I'm like, I'm not getting involved. There are times that I have said to Seth, I want to say, and he will say, don't, don't get involved.

You'll just make it worse.

I don't want to be attacked.

Right, you'll be next.

Save ourselves some drama. Yes, save yourself drama when you can save yourself drama.

No drama for the llama mama.

So, so those two posts that I allowed myself to read See, I need to take my advice and keep scrolling, right? And I was so disturbed that I was like, I'm going to use my voice and I'm going to plead with everybody to please think about what you are posting on social media, what you are commenting to people, what you are texting people, what you are saying to people on the phone or in person. I don't think we realize that, you know, our words are so powerful and we can make someone feel really good. And we can make someone feel really bad. And, you know, I realize, like I said, I asked myself the question, like, why are people acting like this? And I think that it's a lot of self-doubt and lack of confidence. And I would say that if you're feeling like you're not sure about your opinion or your decision, I would say instead of attacking other people, like, go do some more research so that you feel confident in how you're feeling about yourself and about your decision. Whatever we're talking, whatever that decision is, whether, you know, whether it's about sending your kids to school or getting a vaccine, like we need to do research. So I took it a step further and I want to tell you a funny story that Seth is going to laugh about. When we were dating and I showed you a ring.

Oh yes, the infamous engagement ring.

So when I met Seth, he was just starting out, like literally.

Business.

Like his business was brand new and was just so thankful to have help with, you know, we were living together and I was helping. Split bills.

Yeah.

You know, we were splitting all the bills and we were both working full-time and we knew we wanted to get married and I showed him a ring. Oops.

On bluenile.com.

He's scarred.

He's scarred for life.

Well, and I was so clueless, I didn't say what I meant. See, this is a pattern.

Words matter.

Words matter. So I showed him this ring and I said, I love this ring. So Seth took me literally.

Yep, which I have tended to do for 17 years.

He knew we were going to get engaged.

Yep.

And I had the type of romance with Seth, the type of courting where I was like, oh my God, we're just like gonna get married like in a month. We're just gonna get married, like we're so perfect for each other, this is great. And I was like, huh, maybe he doesn't feel the same way, but I thought he did.

And then because she was waiting and waiting for the magical question that I had had planned already, except now got delayed because I was saving for this imaginary ring that she showed me that she said she wanted. So I said, oh crap, uh, it's gonna take me a while.

So I didn't know this. I did— I felt so— when I found out, thankfully I found out, I felt so bad. And I was like, oh my God, my words matter so much. And what I needed to say was, I love this style of ring, but I don't expect anything like this. Like, he could— I told him he could have gone and bought Um, gumball machine, any, any ring, any ring.

Maybe not a gumball machine ring, maybe just like a $100 ring.

I mean, it was the symbol.

And I noticed once we had this conversation, um, we got engaged relatively quickly after that conversation.

I feel so bad. So I delayed our engagement. You did, which is fine. We didn't need to get engaged after 2 months of dating, right? It was more like 9 months of dating.

It was 6 months of saving and then 1 month to execute the actual proposal.

I'm sorry about that.

It's okay. It worked out.

So power of words with your spouse.

Yes.

Power of words with your kids and your friends.

Oh, let's talk about that, because you talked about what adults should scroll past and comment and put out into the world. I would also suggest as a college financial aid planner, it is really, really important to watch what your kids post on social media. Because at least almost half of college applications that get rejected are getting rejected because they look at your kid's social media profiles and see something that they don't want to see as admissions officers. So it's a huge trend right now that you should be very careful because the schools, when your kids apply, when they're old enough, will look at their social media before they admit them. And if there's pictures of drinking or drugs or partying and stuff, Even though they know it happens, it's not how— who they want. It's not what they want to reflect their school. So just teach your kids, think about it, save those pictures for Snapchat or something private.

Well, and when they're applying for jobs—

yep, that also matters—

they're also looking at what they're posting.

I don't know labor law, that's what our HR person is for. I think technically we're not allowed— there's rules on what we can look at and what we can't on the job front. But college admissions have a much wider swath of things they can check out before they make that decision.

Okay, so I was just talking to Lily about her word choices because she doesn't realize how powerful her words are to her friends. She doesn't— we're her mother, or her mother. And I was, you know, I was looking at her today and seeing that she was going to react And I knew I was upset with her and I knew she felt that I was upset with her. And I knew her reaction was shame-induced. I knew that she was protecting herself because she was so upset and was about to say something mean. So I said, I, so I chose my words. See, I'm, I'm learning. I chose my words super carefully and I was like, everyone makes mistakes. It's okay, you made a mistake. And I saw her totally deflate.

That's awesome.

And I was like, ah, it worked! Sometimes I do it right.

You do it right a lot.

So before we leave you, I want to talk about my favorite section of this as a social worker, and it's about how we're talking to ourselves and the power of our words to ourselves. And as I was typing this blog, I was actually I'm talking to myself so nicely because you don't know this because I don't talk about it a lot, but I get so excited to write for you. It's like such therapy for me and it's so good for me. And I was so excited that my kids were at school and I was going to have alone time to focus and write. And I was like, I'm going to exercise first. I'm going to walk the dog first. And then you're allowed to sit down and write. And I followed through. Awesome. And every morning, I'm trying to exercise before I get involved in all my other things that I wanna do because if I do it first, I will actually get it done.

[Speaker:MARK] Yep.

[Speaker:MARIE] So I was sitting there typing, talking so nicely to myself, like, I'm so proud of you. You exercised, you got it done, and you're getting your blog done, and you're having such a productive, good day, and you're having some downtime without kids in your ears every second. And I wanted to like put that out to you in my blog, and I talked about how I was actually talking nice to myself.

And you can too.

And I was challenging you. My challenge was for you like 3 times a day to say something nice to yourself. And the step further is to actually picture it. Picture what you're saying to yourself. So like when I'm walking Tanner, I will like feel myself going, "I'm thin, I'm toned, I'm healthy, I'm moving," and I'm like trying to—

I'm moving.

And I'm trying to like picture myself in that state. So our words are so powerful. I'm a firm believer in what we focus on expands and what we tell ourselves we believe. So I encourage you to talk nice to people on social media. I encourage you to talk nice to your friends and family, and most, most importantly, talk nicely to yourself because it will bubble out to everyone else around you.

Yes.

Right? Oh, Friday. So the Winey Palooza schedule, in case you don't know, Wednesday morning the blog comes out. We were late today because of technical issues, but Wednesday morning the blog comes out. Wednesday night at 9 PM is the vlog, and Friday at 9 AM is the weekly Winey Palooza podcast when I talk to marital and parenting experts and, um, have wonderful conversations with them to give you good content. And I'm having a great time doing that for you. And Misty Winkler is my guest this Friday, and she was a joy to talk to. She is so inspiring and, um, she has like 5 children if I'm remembering correctly. And I was like, oh my God, you've got me, like, tell me how you do it. So the Winey Palooza Mom Group is the last thing I'm going to tell you about. I just started this, I don't know how long ago, maybe even a week or 2 ago.

Yeah, it's taken off.

It's brand new and I'm just kind of evolving with myself to next steps to to be as helpful as I can be. And my goal is to share tips and for it to be a community for you to use to share whatever you need in your world of parenting and marriage, what you need help with, what you need advice with, what you wanna talk about with other parents in the group, just a positive, safe space for us to talk. And I'm gonna do some challenges and the challenges are going to lead to prizes and it will evolve and pivot into whatever serves you best. So I'm open to suggestions. So thank you so much for watching and joining us and I need Lily!

Oh, coming!

Okay, so Lily's going to close us out and next week we are going to talk about Ella Bella turning 12.

And how that applies to the rest of you. Lessons learned from tweening.

Tweening conversation.

Who's that that keeps watching us?

Can you finish us out?

Thank you for watching Lani Plays a Wednesday with the Green Family. Cha-cha chicken, woo!

See you next week.

Bye, see you next week.