Bootcamp Day 3: From Survival Mode to Fully Alive

Okay, welcome back to day 3 of Remember Who the Fuck You Are. Hey, it's Rebecca. Now is the perfect time to go back, catch up any parts of the training that you've missed or want to revisit, any of the worksheets that you haven't completed and/or sent to me if you want to be part of the giveaway. And just for my own data and research purposes, please take the time to go back, catch up, and really prioritize finishing the rest of the boot camp And let's just get as much out of this as you can. Every day, I do want you to remember the number one thing you said you wanted day one is your guiding light. With the practice of emotional healing, we focus on possibility and who do we need to become to create that possibility? We're not just getting into the darkest corners of our heart, mind, body, and spirit just because. Like, I want us to have a harvest on the other side. I want us to get what we want. And again, with emotional healing, without it, there's no emotional safety, and there is no way to get what you want, keep what you created, and know how to hold on to it and enjoy it. The point is, you have been through enough, and life gets to be so good from here, and you get to meet this healed you that you haven't met yet and enjoy who you've become. In a way where no matter what goes down, you don't have regrets and you can be really proud of how you showed up. So we're going to do less looking at this map today, but I wanted you to have an opportunity to take a screenshot so you have it visually. Take a screenshot. And then, no, you will get a PDF version of this in your email on the replay email day 5. So you're going to get this. I don't want you afraid that you have to get it all down or understand it all yet. But for those of you like me that want to see, wait a minute, what is this whole big thing? Take a moment, take a screenshot, and know you'll get it on day 5 for your refrigerator, your desk, your mirror, your screensaver on your phone, wherever you want to put it to return to over and over again. You will get this on day 5 in the email. Okay, so today, before I take away the graphic, what we are really focusing on is there are 5 core emotions that are human and natural and that almost nobody knows how to have a healthy relationship with. That when you have the ability to be with all 5 of these emotions, you're emotionally safe, emotionally free, emotionally healed, and the healed you is in charge. There's no emotion that is unsafe or does harm. Okay, I'm gonna take that away. All right, there is literally no emotion that isn't safe or does harm. How we avoid our emotions is the problem. And how we avoid our emotions is what's doing harm. So today, let's really look at what would life be like and what would leadership be like at home and at work if you knew emotions were safe and never a problem, yours and other people's. Generational cycle breakers learned there were certain emotions that were safe and certain emotions that weren't. But something in you knows maybe that learning is faulty and screwy and sideways, right? You want, if you're here, your kids to be safe with their emotions. Their truth, their needs, their power. Pop it in the comments or in the chat wherever you're watching from if you want your kids to know it's safe to have emotions and their truth and their needs and to own how powerful they are. Yeah, yeah, guess what? Mm-hmm. 100. Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. They will only know their emotions are safe and it's safe to own how powerful they are and their truth and their needs by watching you own it for you. That role modeling, that example, I don't think there's anything more important than a woman can ever do for herself, her family, Her business, didn't really understand this. So that is what today is about. Now, back to yesterday. Survival you— there is survival you, and then there's healed you that really knows this. Survival you is avoiding your emotions. Survival you steals your right to know how safe you are, to feel safe, to be the source of your safety. Survival you steals your right to be the source of your safety and makes it now the world is responsible to be the source of your safety. You can't be safe unless things are going your way. You can't be safe until and unless these people show up differently, or the scenery changes, or the circumstance changes. Survival you is a lying bitch trying to convince you you're not safe. You are. You just haven't taken responsibility to be the source of your emotional safety and security. And survival you steals your freaking joy. The point is for you to rest in joy as the rule. And you might be thinking, yeah, Rebecca, how could I be joyful with this going on? I've got aging parents that don't even know who I am, and I'm helping them die. I've got a kid in addiction. I've got financial concerns. I've got a team member going sideways. I have a spouse that's cheating on me. I'm cheating on my spouse. And if anybody found out, out, my whole life would be ruined. Whatever it is that you have going on, you could still be as the rule, not the exception, joyfully fulfilled with a wide open heart and the best of you. So let's talk about the 5 core emotions, and then We're gonna get to see what emotion is stuck underneath fight, and what emotion is stuck underneath flight, and what emotion is stuck underneath freeze. And today is absolutely game-changing. I want to know your takeaways, your insights, your questions, your realizations, your breakthroughs in the comments. If I need to explain something differently or more thoroughly, please. Let me know in the comments, in the chat. This is a lot, but it's big. So I teach there are literally only 5 emotions. Everything else is what we learned to do so we didn't have to be with or feel or process them. Okay, so here we go. Anger. What if I told you there ain't nothing wrong with anger? Nothing. It's very human of you to experience this naturally occurring human beautiful emotion, and this beautiful emotion doesn't hurt anybody. The second anger is lashing out, intimidating, threatening, abusive, attacking, blaming, whatever it is. That's fight. That and anger. I planted a seed on that yesterday, and I know I planted it really early, but with helping people heal since 2002, I see it over and over again. People have fight and anger collapsed together and very, very, very, very confused, and they are two very, very, very, very different things. Anger isn't a problem. We're going to break down more about these emotions in a minute, but just to introduce it, anger and fight are different, but nobody ever taught us that. Fear, just an emotion. And really, when we're hitting fear, we're in uncharted waters, we're in uncharted territory. We don't know we can win yet. We don't know we can really come out the other side on top or that the situation will end well. It's, it's just fear. There's nothing wrong with fear. And there's a huge difference between fear of something, okay, and just the simple emotion. The second, it's fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of being cheated on, fear of being lied to. Fear of losing, fear of being helpless, overwhelmed, powerless, whatever it might be. The second it's fear of, that's avoidance to the emotion again. Fear is just fear. Great. Grief is so important to have a healthy relationship with. Because all grief is, is you're letting go of what was that's never going to be the same again, the way it was once upon a time. There's nothing wrong with grief, and there is sadness that's an element of grief. And let me tell you, the second I'm feeling sorry for myself Poor me. Why is this happening to me? This is what always happens to me. I am not in grief. I'm avoiding it. And I know it isn't easy to have people in your life that are still alive and you have to grieve them. I know that one firsthand. You have to grieve. The relationship isn't what it used to be and isn't ever going back to what it once was. And I know how hard it is to literally lose someone and they're passing on, or to be in a transition where you're grieving a marriage. There's so many opportunities for grief that can be devastating if you don't know The more I'm comfortable letting go and releasing the grief, the more I make room for excitement about what's coming next. Now put in the comments for me if this has been true for you like it's been true for me. Anything that went away always made room for something better. I never lost anything, and it wasn't replaced by God himself in a better way. I trade up. I invite you to take that on as a principle and a rule you live by. Anything that goes away makes room for something better. So ultimately With the practice of emotional healing, these happening at the same time is about as emotionally healthy as you can be. Letting yourself let go of what was while you're excited about what you're committed to creating now— my God, is that powerful. Grief Isn't bad news. Excitement is allowed. As someone who's had a lot of sexual abuse in my life, excitement used to freak me out. I never let myself get too excited. The other shoe might drop. The bottom could fall out. But worse, if I let myself get excited, And I didn't even know I believed this, right? Like, all my work is, is working with your nervous system and your unconscious survival self. That survival you is often very unconscious. We're not even aware. It's super innocent. It just doesn't get to be in charge anymore once you learn emotional healing. But I thought for a long, long time, without even knowing I thought this, that if I got excited, it would make me a monster. Is all the sexual abuse. That had nothing to do with excitement. It had everything to do with my abuser's trauma that never healed, so it got passed on. And this is why you being the generational trauma healer in your family and you being the generational cycle breaker in your family is so liberating and empowering. If you let it be, you will not be the one passing the trauma on once I am your coach. It really ends with you because you go first and you have a healthy new next level version of you in the face of what your ancestors and your parents didn't know how to break through. So excitement is really important. Knowing what you want, knowing what's important to you, knowing what you're creating and who you're going to be so that actualizes. It's everything. Otherwise, you're just blowing in the wind at the effect of people and circumstances, and your joy gets stolen. Joy I believe is meant to be the rule we live by, not the exception. And going on vacation, getting drunk, having an affair, or even just good sex, landing a great contract, making the right amount of money, getting your body to the number on the scale and your ass to the size you want— none of that is what's creating joy. That's Instant gratification, maybe, but that isn't joy. This external made me feel relief is very different than the naturally occurring human version of this emotion that's just raw and real, and you're right. So joy, I believe, is who you actually are. Think about A baby going through anger, fear, and grief and returning to joy and excitement in seconds or minutes, or a toddler, where do they always return to? Joy. I was just at my book club that I've been in for over 8 years now last night, and our first book club baby is now 4. I run into the door and get down on my knees, and she runs up to me and gives me a hug, and she She tells me I'm an unsilent woman. Oh my God, I die. And then 2 minutes later, she is pissed off at her mom because it is bedtime and she is stomping her foot and, no, I don't want to go to bed. And she's crying and then yelling. And then seconds later, okay, good night. Love you guys. What if we didn't resist our emotions? Ever. The big thing I want you to know about this emotional healing map that I've created is none of it is wrong. We have to stop making it wrong and get willing to just be real with ourselves that this is where I am in consciousness right now, and this is what I need, and this is the emotion underneath it all that got trapped, that if I'll just be with it I get to be healed and free. So can I be joyfully fulfilled Rebecca? Right, Aaron? Can you be joyfully filled Aaron? Osa, can you be joyfully fulfilled Osa? Melissa, can you be joyfully fulfilled Melissa? Robin, can you be joyfully fulfilled Robin? Karen, can you be joyfully fulfilled Karen? Lori, can you be joyfully fulfilled Lori? Right? Like, I mean, all of you that are with me live, thank you so much for being here. All of you that are with me wherever you are, can you be the joyfully fulfilled you? And shit's going down for real. I think yes. You don't have to believe me, but you've got to decide. I have an awesome process that I teach in my membership, the Own Your Voice Society, which by the way, go to theunsilentwoman.com. Join us for the Own Your Voice Society if you're liking this and you want a community of women. With you and me as your coach. But in in the own your voice society, you're held to a next level standard, right? Of being the emotionally healed, free, safe version of you, whether it's convenient or not, right? Whether you like it or not. And I know life be lifin' hard, and there isn't one person in this. Boot camp or in my world that isn't going through something 100% of the time. And by the way, I am too. I'm not immune to relationship breakdowns or business issues or people getting upset with me or misinterpreting me or wanting to villainize me. I just don't forget who the fuck I am through it all. And me being joyfully fulfilled, it doesn't mean I'm not taking seriously Something that's really serious. This is what it means. Write this down: I don't let people steal my joy. I don't let people steal my joy or my right to joy. Hell no! I'm not less me for anyone for any reason. What would your life be like if you had that commitment? I'm not less me for anybody for any reason, and this is who I am. And it doesn't mean I don't have human moments or moments where I'm not resting here. It just means I know this is my destination to return to that's available to me literally 100% of the time. I can be regulated, healed, joyful, and grieving. I can be regulated, Healed, joyful, and processing some anger. I can be joyful and fulfilled and excited and in some fear. It can all be happening at once, but nobody makes me less me for anyone for any reason. And if I'm less me because of someone or something, I gave away my power. They didn't take it once I'm an adult. And I'm about to say something really hard, but just consider the truth here. Adults can't be victimized. Kids can, not adults. What on earth do I mean by that? Somebody can be abusive, right? And you're experiencing that as an adult, but When I was in a domestic violence marriage as an adult, I was just a vibrational match for still this is what happens to me. So it was actually more my inner child experiencing the abuse because I still hadn't healed through that pattern, that trauma. I was age regressing to the little girl that this happened to all the time. I wasn't the healed me because if I was, I would have said something like no. Stop! Enough! But I didn't have a voice yet. And my survival self's identity said, just take it for the team. If you're the one taking it, other people aren't getting hurt. I don't know what your story is or what you tell yourself that keeps you stuck in fight, flight, freeze. But write it down if anything's coming to you. And you don't have to put up with bad behavior just because you understand it. And you don't have to ever be less you for anybody for any reason, ever. These Emotions are so beautiful. Which ones— put it in the comments, put it in the chat— are you the least comfortable with? I really want to see your answers. Which one are you the least comfortable with? Anger. Mm-hmm. Who else? Which ones can't you stand? Because the ones you can't stand— let me show you something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fear. Let me show you something. Okay, each fight, flight, freeze has a stuck emotion underneath it, right? If one of you put fear— several of you put fear, right? If, if this emotion I can't stand is fear. I'm gonna have a lot of opportunities that life gives me and heartbreaks in my relationship that life gives me to show me I don't have a healthy relationship with fear yet, and I'm going to stay in a flight response so I don't have to deal with it. And then it's like whack-a-mole, right? Life's like giving me this opportunity to face and move through and conquer. I can't stand fear. I don't know how to be the powerful, joyful, fulfilled me In the face of fear. If I can't stand anger, my God, am I gonna have a lot of persecutors in my life, aggressive as hell, showing me I don't have a healthy relationship with anger. And my God, am I gonna have a lot to be angry about because I won't face it. I have a process: face, move through, conquer, celebrate. I just make it all my bitch, and I invite all of you to remember who the fuck you are Capable of making whatever it is your bitch, so that it doesn't make you its bitch. If I can't be with grief, my husband Mark, the second one, I always tell him you're my favorite husband. He is. He hated grief. He couldn't stand grief when we got together. I'm very comfortable with grief, so I'm openly grieving constantly in front of his face. It didn't make him want to run away, but it definitely made him want to crawl out of his skin. And then guess what? I have no problem with anger today, but man, when we first got together, I couldn't stand anger. I didn't want to be angry. I had it collapsed with fight like so many of us. And then this guy has no problem being angry, and he doesn't take his anger out on people. And now it's in my face. This guy has a healthy relationship with anger, and I wanted to die. Like, I can't, I can't with that. I don't want it in my face. Can you see how healing this could be for both of us? And it was. I modeled being safe with grief. He modeled being safe with anger. Changed both of our lives. And in the beginning of emotional healing work, we're attracting what we haven't healed yet. This isn't just what happens to us. This is just what we've been a vibrational match for. I'm available for— this is the process I teach in the Own Your Voice Society. I am someone who— I am not someone who— I am someone who is available for overwhelm, or I experience overwhelm and I go, I'm not available for this anymore. What's the emotion stuck underneath it? What is my unmet need? And this is where I come in clutch privately, giving you breakthrough coaching. Because we get to the stuck age, we release the stuck emotion, and you go back to being the age you are and this healed version of you you haven't met yet that isn't available for this anymore with a new alternative experience. When I tell you, you have the power to choose— I am someone who, I am not someone who— literally always. And you have the power to choose who you're being, how you feel, and the experience you're having. Your thoughts, you have no control over them. You can just control what you do with it. I said earlier, these are the only emotions. Everything else is what we learn to run from them and avoid them. So baby doesn't get born and know they can be abandoned. They learn this can happen. I don't ever want that to happen. And then it keeps happening. Until they heal through the part of them that got stuck there, right? But we learn abandonment, and that's how we cope and avoid. We learned anxiety, we learned depression, we learned shame, we learned guilt, we learned jealousy, we learn control, we learn we can be out of control. It's the saddest thing when I work with kids. I work with them all the time, one-on-one, and they tell me I am someone who— in a way that's really self-deprecating and disempowering, like, you know, I'm— I've got this wrong with me, I've got that wrong with me. Who told you that? No, you're not. That's just what you've been told. So what were you told about yourself, right? You're too much. Somebody told you that. Lies. You're not enough. Somebody told you that. Lies. You're hard to handle. Lies. Love is gonna hurt you. Lies. What are you buying that you don't need to keep buying, that you were told that is just how it is? Put it in the comments. Put it in the chat. Everything other than this is how you are avoiding this. As soon as you have a healthy relationship with all five of these emotions, none of the rest of it will threaten you. And we don't learn how to have a healthy relationship with each one. Nobody teaches us that. That's what I'm here for. And I can't teach it all in a 5-day boot camp that's complimentary, but I want you to really, in this boot camp, get honest with yourself about which emotions are you cool with And which ones aren't you cool with? So now we're going to play a game. Everybody, as long as you're not driving, close your eyes. I want you to feel into your body. Step 1, we are dropping into your body. I want you to feel your feet. I want you to feel your belly. And your chest and your throat and the little space in between your eyebrows, your third eye. Get all the way in your body. It's so easy to dissociate and to be out of body. Step 1, drop into your body. Okay, 10 out of 10. It is safe to be in your body. It is safe to be connected to your body. Literally, without our body, we cannot emotionally heal. All the way in your body. Now find the place in your body that feels like fight. You're lashing out, blaming, threatening, intimidating. It's my— I call it, oh no, you didn't. Place to go. Where is it in your body? Connect to it. Breathe it in. Breathe it out. Fight. Claws are out. Fire is coming out of your ears, your nostrils, your mouth, and all the other places. Find that place in your body. Now, flight. Find the place in your body where it feels like you gotta run, you gotta run, you gotta run, you gotta change this, you gotta resolve this. It's not okay. I can't feel this. This is too uncomfortable. Flight, escape. Ah, get me out of here! Find that place in your body, ladies. Breathe into it. Get closer to it. Now find— this one's really hard. I was just working with a teenager right before this call who's totally in freeze, and she has a big audition, and she was frozen. Where in your body is where you feel trapped, frozen, paralyzed? Where's freeze stuck in your body? This sweet little girl, I put my hand on her stomach and she just started bawling. It was her stomach. Where's freeze for you? Okay, now anger is going to live in a different place than the fight, and anger Is powerful, and your passion and clear and direct, honest, certain, rooted. Anger's about I got passion and I want right action for me and other people. It isn't harmful; it's super empowered and purposeful and free. Anger is safe. Where in your body is anger your source for good, not evil? Find that place in your body and breathe into it. I feel it in my chest. Grief. Grief. Where is it in your body? Your grief center, your grief source. For me, it's actually my throat. I just let myself feel it. The letting go of how it was, of attachment, the sadness. Now fear. Where's the healthy emotion of fear? In your body, connect to it. Where's fear live? It's just uncharted waters. Okay, back to anger. Find the anger in your body and really receive. Anger gives you access. To passion, power, correct right action. Breathe in how safe anger is. It means you care a lot. Now find fear. Find where the healthy, naturally occurring emotion of fear lives in your body. When you're with fear in a healthy way, when you work with it, not against it, it's giving you access to trust, faith, hope, and just awareness about what's really going on. It's just information. Breathe it in, breathe it out. Grief. Go back to the place in your body where grief is having your back, is there for you, supporting you. Breathe it in, breathe it out. Know it's giving you access to peace. So many of you said the number one thing you want is peace. That means we've got to be way more willing to grieve way more often. Grief gives you access to peace. Love, connection, and your unshakable wholeness. Tomorrow we're going to do a lot more with joy and excitement. Today my focus is anger, fear, and grief, and helping you see the difference between fight, flight, freeze, and anger, fear, and grief. Because they're very different. Can you feel the difference? Last piece of this exercise, I'm going to just start naming fight, flight, freeze, anger, grief, fear. Fight, fear, grief. I want you to find the place in your body where you can connect to how it feels so we can make a real distinction and know the difference. Between— wait, is this anger or is this fight? Wait, is this grief or is this freeze? Wait, is this flight or is this fear? Remember, the stuck emotion underneath fight is not anger, it's grief. The person in fight is just more comfortable with anger, so they look like they're angry. But what got stuck and what they really need to feel is grief. The stuck emotion underneath flight is fear. Person in flight kind of looks joyful and excited and like they have their shit together a lot of the time, but what they have trapped inside of them is fear. They don't know how to be with the fear. And the stuck emotion underneath freeze They look sad because they're more comfortable with grief, but the emotion that got stuck when you're in a freeze response that needs to come out is anger. So I'm going to start naming, and I want you to find the difference in your body on how all of these 6 feel. Sad. Fight! Find it. Breathe it in, breathe it out. Fear! Find it. Breathe it in, breathe it out. Freeze! Find it. Breathe it in, breathe it out. Anger. Grief. Freeze. Fight. Fear. Flight. Take 3 deep breaths in through your nose. Out through your mouth. Remember, right here, right now, you're safe. We're not re-traumatizing you. We are giving you your power back. Pop it in the chat for me. What was that experience like? Any questions? I want to know. Could you feel a difference between Fight, flight, freeze, anger, fear, grief. Pop it in the chat, and I'm just gonna draw this one more time. What did you notice? What was that like? I want to see. Certain emotions didn't show up where I thought they would. Some same with fight, flight, freeze, but all very distinct. I'm so glad to hear that. What else? Who will share? That's a really good exercise for engaging the body. I can't articulate, standby. That's fine. I love it. That's really honest. What else? Yeah, I, I need you to be able to feel into your body what the hell is happening for you. And I want you, with this map, I want you to just use it as a tool to know you are somewhere on the map 100% of the time. And we never want, with emotional healing, our survival self to win, survival mode to win. Most people, this is their whole life— fight, flight, freeze. And all they miss, because they don't know there's any more or better for them, or they're unwilling, is the magic and the beauty of being able to be with their real selves, their real humanity, remembering who the fuck they are. There's nothing wrong with any of these places on the map. And you are always somewhere here. And, you always have the ability to get back to joy. And again, tomorrow, we're going to talk a lot more about those lighter emotions of joy and excitement. But, what I need you to understand is your ability to have joy as the rule, not the exception, is completely dependent on how willing to be honest you are about where you are in survival and what emotion underneath it. Yeah, I'm about to show that to you, Erin. She's wanting to know what emotions under. Flight. So every one of these is protecting you from an emotion, and it's just like I was an opera singer when I would warm up back in the day. The lower you go helps you go higher. It's the same with the emotions, right? The more you're willing to be with the darker emotions, the more you get to have the light as the rule. I don't have any problem with anger, fear, or grief at all. And again, the map is there so that you can realize, okay, I'm wanting to sabotage this deal with this top client because I'm feeling overwhelmed. What do I actually need to feel so I don't do that? I'm wanting to lash out at my team member and cut their throat. They're pissing me off. Why are they making the same mistakes? And making my life hell. How about before I fire this person and make my life harder, or carelessly wreck them and level them, I've processed what's really going on with me emotionally underneath it all? So by the time I deal with this team member, I'm clear. How about I recognize I'm frozen wanting to tell my spouse we either need to do some healing work or I'm ready to divorce you? Do you want to grow, or should we just call it now? What is it in your life, right? And then, yes, this is a real hard scenario and a real hard trigger, but there's just a stuck emotion underneath it. So fight is protecting you from grief. One time I was at a seminar and I had just been sexually assaulted right after my divorce by the manager of a hotel who broke into my room with his key and raped me. And I'm at this seminar processing in the same city, in the same state that I didn't even live in. I had returned for the first time for this event and it just happened to be down the road from where this hotel assault was not that long ago. And I'm bawling. Sharing the story in front of all this group, and I'm feeling so vulnerable. And all of a sudden, the facilitator says to me, "I don't believe you." And it was the first moment I realized how this works, because what had happened was I wasn't crying. Grieving tears. Underneath freeze is stuck anger. Bear with me because I know this is a lot. Did you know there are 3 different types of tears? What I was crying was victim tears in that moment. And the second the facilitator looked at me and said, Rebecca, I don't believe you, I went from hysterically crying to, what the fuck did you just say? I had so much stuck anger. That was the issue. I was just comfortable with grief. Freeze, you look like you're grieving a lot of the time. You're just more comfortable with grief. The real stuck emotion is anger. Fight, you look angry because you're just more comfortable with it. What's really stuck is grief. And I will tell you, when I cry victim tears, my face gets all messed up and puffy and ugly. When I cry grieving tears, I age regress and I glow. And I just said there's 3 different types of tears: victim tears, grieving tears, and tears of joy. And I will tell you right now, there isn't a day that goes by where I'm not crying tears of joy. No matter what is going on, tears of joy come because there's so much beauty in the face of All of the rest of it. And I don't know about you, but I don't need to be in flight to escape from the full human experience. I think I came into this life as a cycle breaker signing up for the full human experience, and I'm going to suggest you did too. You're here for the full human experience, and you have nothing to run from. Flight, the stuck emotion, is fear. Questions, realizations, comments, pop them in the chat. Most people, like I said yesterday, they're just spending their whole life in that survival part of the map, and they have a favorite flavor, and other people play out the other 2 roles. And occasionally they find themselves in one of the other 2 roles with people playing out what's left over, but it's their whole life. This is trauma bonding, and a lot of you are spending a lot of time in your life trauma bonding. There's no real connection there outside of all this. Is joy, excitement as the rule, anger, fear, and grief that you're cool with, and then you can get back to here and intimacy. Lives out here. Possibility, connection, solutions. Your brain can't be in two places at once. Here or here. It's one or the other. And we got to be in our body and comfortable with these icky sticky darker emotions so we can get back to joy and excitement and be all of who the fuck we really are. Remembering who the fuck we really are. And it's all welcome. And I said it earlier, but let me say it one more time. None of it's your fault, but it is your work. Okay, what? Melissa's like, oh, that's so well said. What? What hit? Erin, I love this. I'm seeing how we're attracted to others who are comfortable with the emotions we need to feel. Yes, queen. Yeah, that's what I said was so well said. That was like so perfect. Good. Okay. Yes. Yes. So in your relationships, I know I'm giving you so much, but I think this is really important to end with today. Wherever you are on the map is good news because where I notice I'm in fight, flight, freeze, that person didn't cause it. That situation didn't cause it. It showed me I am someone who is still available for These experiences and me being this me, and I want to know my weak spots. I want to know my patterns. Every pattern—it starts with awareness that you're triggered, and then you get to see the trigger is the experience you have, and then you get to see the experience you're having is your pattern. So with or without this moment, this person, the scenario, the circumstance. I have healing to do here. So, Aaron, here's some good news for you, especially if you want next-level love in your life, next-level emotional freedom, next-level financial freedom. Your relationships show you where you're not healed. That is Attraction 101. I am attracted to where I haven't healed yet. This is good news, and it's never new. I think of it like almost like boiling water. The trigger bubbles up to the surface. It's never new. It's been there hidden in plain sight the whole time. And when it bubbles up to the surface, I either push it back down and stay trapped in fight, flight, freeze, or I fully process and release it. And now this isn't a thing anymore. Now I'm not someone who experiences disappointment because I did the work. We had literally a few weeks ago a hornet's nest In the tree in my front yard, and it had been there for months and nobody had seen it. And my mom came into town to see my daughter in Footloose, and the second my husband brought her home from the airport and they pull in the driveway, she sees this big hornet's nest. It has been there in plain sight. The lawn boys that I have, these little college guys, were like, oh my God, we bang the mower into that tree every week. And this hornet's nest was there. And the second we found out about it, we handled it. The Ghostbusters guy in his hazmat suit and his big thing showed up and took down the hornet's nest. I want you to think of triggers like that. Why are we gonna let it just stay there? There's no benefit to avoiding it, making it wrong, resisting it, protecting yourself from it. And the deal is, when you understand what I am saying, when you understand you have the power to remember who the fuck you are and make any trigger your bitch, and anytime you're in fight, flight, freeze, it's because you're triggered. When you understand that, guess what you start attracting instead of just what you haven't healed yet? Okay, there's attraction 101, and then there's attraction 201, where now I just attract my level of integrity. It isn't about all the shit I haven't healed anymore. When Mark and I first got married, he's like, it's always something. I'm like, well, yeah. We obviously have a lot more healing to do than either of us realized, but it won't be like that forever. It's hardest in the beginning, and it's fastest when I'm your coach to just get you through it. So today is all about your emotions are safe, you have nothing to fear, and underneath fight, flight, freeze, underneath any trigger, there's just an emotion. That's like this precious newborn baby that just needs a little cuddle and a little love and a little nurturing. And yes, external circumstances can activate and trigger you or activate emotion, but it's never the person or the situation that's the problem. It's all just showing you where you're healed and where you're not, where you're remembering who the fuck you are and where you are not. So tomorrow we're getting into the lighter emotions of joy and excitement, and I'm really going to drive home joy gets to be the rule you live by. Joy is who you are, and tomorrow is going to be life-changing as well. Thank you for being here. Thank you for going so deep. Give me your worksheets. Let me know any questions you have, further realizations in your email when you send me the worksheets as well. Healing is possible. I love you. See you tomorrow.