Bootcamp Day 4: Joy & Excitement As The Rules You Live By

Well, welcome to day 4 of Remember Who the Fuck You Are. I have been cracking up because every day this week I just keep remembering who the fuck I am, no matter what is showing up— expected, unexpected, tech issues, relationship issues. Life be lifin' hard in my world, and through it all, what do I know how to do? Practice emotional healing so that emotionally I am a clear channel, not all clogged up and funky. Needing anyone or anything to be different for me to be okay. And I get to rest in joy and stay who I am, not needing anything or anyone to change for me to be okay. I'm not immune to being human. I'm not immune to triggers. I cannot teach you— I've said this already in this boot camp, but I'm going to say it again— how to never be triggered again, or upset again, or go through it again, or be heartbroken again. But what I can help you recognize is where you are on the map, and then I can make sure you know what to do. I'm gonna grab my map for you and just pop in the comments or in the chat, those of you who are with me live, your number one takeaway so far. In Remember Who the Fuck You Are. And if you have any questions, I am so here for hearing those too. But what's your number one takeaway so far? And if you have any questions, let me know. But one more time, just so you can take a screenshot if you haven't already, and you will get this map in email on day 5 so you can print it, put it wherever you need it. And get back to it whenever you need it. We are literally always somewhere in consciousness on this map, and it isn't the event that put us there; it's the event that shows us where we might still need healing, and we had no earthly clue. So today, what we're really, really, really focused on is how in the actual do you get back to joy no matter what? How do you stay joy no matter what? And when we're talking about remembering who the fuck we are, the short answer is the joyfully fulfilled version of you. That is who you are, the joyfully fulfilled you. Some of you might not know who that is, might not remember what it's like to just stone cold sober For no reason, based on what's going on in your life, just rest in joy. Can you put in the comments for me, in the chat, the last time you genuinely were joy and felt joy? How long has it been? And what if I told you you don't ever need the perfect circumstances to feel joy? What if joy isn't dependent on any external ever? And if that's true, what does that mean for you? What does that mean for your life? We started day 1 with what do you want? That's really important because without Knowing what I want and what I'm creating next, I am definitely at the effect of people and life and circumstance, and how I feel is at the effect of people and life and circumstance, and who I'm being is at the effect of people, life, and circumstance. So go back to this number one thing you said you wanted for a moment. For a couple reasons. Getting what we want isn't going to change how we feel either, but it keeps us honest about who we need to be to create it. It keeps us in check. It keeps us able to connect to the truth of, am I being the person with congruent, aligned actions That it will take to cross that finish line? Or am I misaligned, incongruent, contradicting myself and saying I want it, but in no way, shape, or form am I being the person it would take to create it? You're gonna get a harvest. You're gonna get to receive and feel the harvest and enjoy the harvest if you stay committed to emotional healing. Even in the moments that aren't going your way, and even in the moments that are going your way, because some of you sabotage when things are going well. Okay, let's just get real about that. So you having a possibility that you're committed to creating— and the word commitment is different than the word wanting, right? Wanting it isn't enough. You got to be committed, meaning all in. There's no other option. I'm in this, whatever it takes. I'm gonna stay this me, whether or not I have evidence it's working, whether or not I have evidence people are supportive and approving and on board with me. I am the leader of my life. I am the creator of the experience I'm having and how I feel and who I'm being 100% of the time. And so are you. But we've got to always be remembering What do we want, and who do I need to be to create it? If we're in the zone of remembering who the fuck we are, and who you are is joy, and you have that right. So we got the chat blowing up. Let me take a peek here. Okay, I never thought about seeing fight flight freeze through the drama triangle. Also that we're attracted to people who are comfortable with the emotion we need to work around. I was in joy last night, but probably years since I was joy. I know I don't trust joy because I'm wondering when the other shoe will drop. Thank you for being honest. I think when I feel joy, instantly I have a thought that it will soon be gone over and I should be prepared for what's coming instead. Yes, this is the training, but we don't need to protect ourselves from the good stuff anymore. Our job as the cycle breaker in the family, the one who is the source of emotional safety for ourselves and our families and our businesses and our communities, we're modeling joy as an option that we don't have to be as scared of, right? We're modeling joy as a possibility that isn't too much ever. It's just correct. We're modeling joy as a possibility that that says to every freaking life in front of us, I'm not going to be less me because of this, because of you. I'm not going to be less me for anyone, for any reason. And who the fuck I am is joy. Now again, that doesn't mean we're happy about very hard moments, seasons, circumstances, but what it means is we're committing to being who we say we are and to having The most joyful experience we can have and being the most joyful version of ourselves we can be, no matter what's going on. And nobody has the right to take away from you joy. And I don't have to like it, but I do have the right to demand of myself, I'm going to become it even if I don't know how. The joy I am, even in uncharted waters. So Back to yesterday, day 3. I shared a story about an assault, and I know it's heavy. I know my story's wild, and the point of me sharing these stories about me is to connect you to your story in a way that empowers you. Now, so many of you are using your story as the reason why you can't break through. Diagnoses, circumstances, past and current traumas. I don't want us using them as the reason why we don't get to be free, or we don't get to have joy, or we don't get to tear down the walls around our heart any freaking more. And then modeling that to our kids that, see, because of this thing that happens to you that wasn't your fault. Now you have to guard and protect your heart. I don't think any parent consciously wants to deliver that lesson or message to their kids, but if we're honest, have we been? And it doesn't matter again what you tell them they deserve or what you tell them about who they really are deep down. They are watching you with you. So I'm sharing some heavy stories. I know that the real point is there's nothing that can't heal. I don't care what it is. If you're committed to doing the work to emotionally set yourself free and to emotionally heal whatever it was, whatever it is, if I'm your coach, you can break through. It can be permanently done. It can be now. Just one more time with this map. I am not someone who commits to freeze once I'm aware of it and doubles down on freeze once I'm aware of it. I am not someone who commits to flight to protect myself because of what's happening. I am not someone who is okay with I default to fight because see what happened? It's justified. I don't want it justified anymore that survival you takes over and that survival fight, flight, freeze takes over your life. Now, Aaron mentioned the drama triangle. Karpman created the drama triangle. There's a very big difference between what I'm doing with emotional healing and the drama triangle. The drama triangle says this is who you are, and then these people in the other roles, that's who they are. And I'm saying, actually, we got to take this a lot farther. Victim is freeze. Fight is persecutor. Rescue is flight. And it's all energy, and it's all consciousness, and it's all so important to recognize as good news for the purpose of being able to find yourself on that map and then get yourself back to joy as soon as possible. That's where we begin. And then Anger, fear, grief— those darker emotions that we spent so much time on yesterday— they, just like survival, are access points back to joy, and not wrong or bad either. But for so many of us, we'd rather go into fight, flight, or freeze so we don't have to be with anger, fear, or grief. And that's how we lose our right to excitement and joy being the rule we live by. And we don't see people walking around the planet modeling this regardless of circumstance very often. You know, people ask me all the time, how am I so positive? I'm not. This is just what heals look like. I don't care about being positive or finding the gift. I don't think life is happening to you or for you. I think it's just happening. And then you get to decide who the fuck you're going to be and how the fuck you're going to feel and what experience you're going to fucking have. I don't think life has to call the shots anymore, or your past, or your heartbreak, or your trauma. So let's go back to this big example that I shared yesterday very briefly and unpack it further. So I have an assault. I'm at a seminar. I'm vulnerably sharing about this went down and bawling, and I thought those tears were healthy. The reason the facilitator said, "I don't believe you," it had nothing to do with whether or not she believed me about the assault. It had everything to do with my energy. Was not empowered, and the tears I was crying were not healing. Now I'm the one that created emotional healing, so she couldn't give me all of the pieces that I've broken down ever since that moment to make this actually make sense. But she was empowering me to get empowered regardless of a circumstance. And it was life-changing because I thought I was healing. I was really crying victim tears and feeling sorry for myself and terrified of anger. I had no ability to be with the naturally human emotion of anger that is beautiful and vulnerable and so freaking healing. And I can be with anger. Let me just model a way for you to release anger in a way that doesn't do any harm. It's air screaming. So I can go 1, 2, 3, and move that energy. Do it with me, everybody. 1, 2, 3, go! Yes, queens. One more time like you freaking mean it. Got some of you giggling now. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? But let's just go. One, two, three. Yeah. And if tears come on the other side of that, great. We got to get to the anger to move through the fear, to move through the grief, to get excited again, to be able to rest in joy. Yeah, somebody's saying my cat is looking at me like I'm nuts. Yes, when I do couples intensives, my 2-day intensive with a couple, and there are pets there, they're like, who is this wicked witch from the west? And what have— what's happened to my parents? What has she done to my parents? Only make sure they can create emotional safety for you, sweet pet. Nothing bad is happening, right? But see, the anger, it doesn't need a reason. The grief, it doesn't need a reason. The fear, it doesn't need a reason. It's just your truth and where you are on the emotional healing map in the moment. So this moment at that seminar where I'm thinking I'm doing the good work and then I'm called out, I don't believe you, and I immediately connected to rage because that was the truth and because patterns repeat until they heal. And I hadn't dealt with my child sexual abuse yet, and life keeps poking its finger into the wounds. Into the places that haven't healed yet. And because I hadn't healed yet, and all of my work so far up until that point had been super intellectual— it wasn't my fault, I didn't create another assault— but I got to see where I was on this emotional healing map and where I wasn't healed yet. And I didn't know how to be with my own anger or other people's yet. And the thought of anger being a genuine emotion I had was so freaking terrifying because I still had anger and fight collapsed together. I planted seeds around this early on in the boot camp. They are not the same thing. Anger is a healthy, appropriate response when something going down isn't correct, isn't right action, and when you are passionate about getting to the place where you are being the person taking the right action. There's nothing wrong with it. It's not fight. So I needed to see where I had no availability to be with anger yet, and I had to see where actually the childhood event— the first sexual assault that I experienced was age 4— is what I was really re-experiencing, not what just happened to me at the hotel. And I know this is heavy, and I know there's a lot that I'm throwing at you. You're gonna want to revisit this boot camp over and over and over again, and you will hear different things, and you will feel different things, and different dots will connect, and different lights will go off. I'm giving you the fundamentals, and I'm giving you everything I got. I can't walk you through all of the full-on transformation during this boot camp. Tomorrow we'll talk about next steps for you if you want to take it further. But I want you to see, we had an event happen in childhood. We age regressed. An emotion got stuck. So if we use this example of the hotel assault, I went right back to the first abuser, right back to age 4, right back to anger is stuck. Now I can see all that, and I have a decision to make. Am I going to let this just stay put because it's justified? This is what happens to me. Here we go again. Anytime you hear the voice in your head say, here we go again, holy shit. Pay attention. That is your indicator you're ready to heal. You're ready to be free. Healing is freedom. Survival keeps you trapped and in emotional distress and turmoil, not what's happening. And it doesn't excuse what's happening, but you can be the force of nature you are. And move into emotional healing. So we don't solve this by changing the scenery or the externals or some temporary resolution, but we actually fully solve it and free you. And again, with over a quarter of a century of clinical experience as a trained therapist and multi-certified master coach, I have freaking seen it. All working in the psych hospital, these beautiful souls almost every single time were not mentally ill to the point where they were not able to heal. The system was failing them. Understanding what had happened wasn't going to be enough to heal them, and they were not safe emotionally. It can all almost always heal, and in my practice, I have never had a case that didn't heal. Not everybody wants it, though. Not everybody's willing to do the work because shifting from survival into healed—I said it before, but I'll say it again—it can really feel like you're dying. But you're not. Your ego's dying. Your survival self, we're not trying to kill off, but we're no longer willing for her to be in charge of the mission called your one precious life. So we're breaking up with I feed your crazy, and then your survival self starts to feel like she's dying. Well, thank God, because the real you who remembers who the fuck she is gets to take over now. So many of you are parenting and you're stuck at age 7. So many of you are having sex and you're stuck at age 13. So many of you are running your business and when a client is breaking up with you, you turn into a 6-year-old. I could go on and on and on and on and on with examples of this, right? But I just need you to see how it actually works. That nobody has put together before or ever taught you before. There is no joy without being brave enough to own, I didn't even know this is what was going on with me. I didn't even know this is who I become, or this is how I feel, or this is what I do to self-protect. None of it is on purpose. And it was all shown to you. So back to this seminar, I get to, for the first time in my life, see that maybe anger isn't the bad thing I always thought it was. And maybe anger isn't what hurt me in my mental, physical, emotional, financial, all sexual, all the different kinds of abuse I had experienced. I thought anger in somebody else is why they did what they did to me. And I never wanted anger because I was never going to do harm. Meanwhile, I'm doing all this harm to me because the fighter in me just took it out on myself, and I wouldn't be with anger. It was a life-changing, unforgettable, pivotal moment. I can be angry and not do harm. And if I'm in fight, I'm doing all kinds of harm. If I'm in freeze, I'm doing all kinds of harm. If I'm in flight, I'm doing all kinds of harm. There's so much collateral damage when you take action from fight, flight, and freeze for you and for everyone in front of you in that moment. And you're a good person with good intention. So this is not an invitation to beat yourself up. No way. This is an invitation to remember who the fuck you are. Now, I wrote down this term witnessed vulnerability because without it, there's no emotional healing. And without emotional healing, You don't get to get what you want, you don't get to keep what you want, and you don't get to enjoy having what you wanted. Now we're at a fork in the road at this point in the boot camp, and I invite you to get honest with yourself about how and why and where you justify staying stuck here. Which creates stress and creates suffering because it isn't who you are. By the way, stuck, stressed, suffering— what do I know if you're stuck, stressed, or suffering? Survival has taken over and you are not who you really are anymore in that moment. And I just want you to catch it faster and faster and faster, not to try to be perfect here, because even I don't know how to be perfect here. But I don't stay stuck very long, triggered very long. It's very quick. And I play a game with myself that I want to invite all of you to play. I literally pretend like my whole life I'm on Candid Camera. I've been doing this for decades. If the cameras were watching, would I be proud? If the cameras were on and there was an audience, like I'm on The Truman Show, would I be proud? One of the big, big pieces that I teach in my practice of emotional healing that I'm not teaching in this boot camp, and I'll give you an overview of on day 5. Is that emotional healing just means I was raw and I was real and I was messy and I grew and I let myself be witnessed in my vulnerability. And I'll tell you right now, you might think you'll die letting yourself be witnessed in your vulnerability. No, you won't. You get to be reborn into a version of you you don't know yet, you don't love yet, You don't trust yet, you're not safe with yet, but that version of you is in there, available, accessible. And it isn't as hard as we think it's going to be. And thinking it's going to be hard is what keeps us trapped. So we got to feel our way through what we don't know we could survive feeling our way through. Anger, just passion, right action, fear. You just don't have evidence you can survive this yet. It's very uncertain. It's uncharted waters. You don't trust yourself yet. But man, are you hungry for more, more life, more experience, more good stuff, more of you when fear is present. Grief. So many of you come to me saying, I've grieved enough. I don't want to feel that way again. But it wasn't the grief that was the problem. It was the heartbreak. Grief is so beautiful. Back to the seminar where I'm finding out, oh my God, there are actually different types of tears. There's victim tears, there's grieving tears. I went from having my first experience of genuine, healthy relationship with anger right into deep, deep, deep, deep grief. And it was so beautiful. And I— but he's gonna be able to handle this? Nobody else at this seminar was modeling that level of full-on authentic, raw, real self-expression. So I felt crazy. I didn't know yet my life work was to be that vulnerable, go first. It didn't make me crazy. It made me a powerhouse, and nobody loved me less after this whole wild interaction. They all wanted to hug me. They all wanted to hold me. They all thanked me for my courage and strength. I didn't know how to receive that at the time at all. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. So now let's talk about you remembering who the fuck you are is what gives you access to a next level you and to a new experience. Even if circumstances haven't changed yet, you've interrupted your pattern and you've expanded your capacity for joy. But we already have people talking about in the chat today. I don't trust joy. So can we just be honest for a second that for many of you— let me just draw it on here, actually. Let's just get honest for a second about this. For many of you, you feel way more comfortable in fight, flight, freeze than in joy. It's easier. You know how to survive that. I'll never forget a client I had, amazing badass in business, an amazing mom. She really believed she was an amazing wife, and then her husband was cheating, and she was devastated and suicidal when she came to me. And I'll never forget the first time it came out of my mouth. God threw me, and I said, babe, if you can survive survival, you can survive alignment. If you all that are here with me right now can survive survival, you can survive risking remembering who the fuck you are and being who the fuck you are and being vulnerably witnessed as who the fuck you are. But for so many of you Fight, flight, freeze is winning and stealing your joy simply because you know how to survive this, and you don't know you could actually survive on a nervous system level this. I remember thinking once upon a time, well, if I'm happy, aren't I just gonna die? Like, what's the point? If I finally figured it out how to get happy, I might just die because what's left? And I don't know if you've ever felt that way, but I'll just tell the truth. Like, I, I was there. Oh, it's been now about 15 years of just joy. And life happens, and I don't die because I went into survival instead of joy. And there are certain lessons— I don't know about you, but I don't need again. I already got them. I know I am an expert, just like you, at this, this, and this. I decided to become an expert on this. You want to join me? What would happen in your house? What would happen in your businesses? What would happen in your body, in your sex life, financially, if the joyful you ran the show and risked letting people witness her? I want to talk now about a couple reasons we don't trust this. Number one, you might want to write these down. Why we cheat ourselves out of joy. Why I cheat myself from getting to rest in joy and my unshakable wholeness and remembering who the fuck I am. Well, here are a couple good reasons why. I might lose people. I might be too much. I might end up all alone. Alone or in trouble. I did a teaching in Own Your Voice, my membership, on can we just be honest that even as grown-ass women, we still get afraid of getting in trouble? Can you stand it? You can't get into— who are you going to get in trouble with? I was just coaching a client this morning. We got her out of a dead-end career in her dream come true. Multi-million dollar business, and she's still afraid of being seen and heard because growing up in her house, she wasn't supposed to rock the boat. She wasn't supposed to set off her father. So, it doesn't matter that she got it all on paper. She still feels like this inner child felt in her house growing up, not wanting to get in trouble. I'm like, who are you afraid of getting in trouble with today? There is nobody you could get in trouble with. Her father's actually passed away. There's like nobody she can get in trouble with now. But we really do age regress, and that event we re-experience over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until we take ourselves back. So let's just talk about this. Could you lose people because you're joyful and they're upset and You're here and they're here, and they feel like you're too happy. Well, maybe, but do you want people in your inner circle that don't want you happy because they want you bitching and moaning and all upset, trauma bonding with them? I don't know if somebody who thinks I'm too happy and they're just in it and they can't relate to me because I'm too. Joyful and happy and free, I don't think I'm missing out if they don't want to be in my world. And I don't think somebody like that deserves a seat at the table of my inner circle. Could it be that my standards are too high for certain relationships, personally and professionally? Yeah, yeah, that could be true, but my standards might be too high for them. It doesn't mean they're too high. See, the generational cycle breaking badass women I work with have high standards, and they've always felt like that was a problem. I think that's great news too. You have high standards. I have high standards. And anybody that goes away makes room for somebody that can handle my high standards. I can't promise you people aren't going to go away when you remember who the fuck you are. We have to talk about this on Joy Day. But I can promise you, you deserve to know the truth about who wants to work with you, grow with you, love you. Okay, survival. This Is trauma bonding. This means you're stuck in one of these roles, just hanging out with people in the other roles. Haven't you done enough of that? All of your relationships have been your family of origin on repeat. When you're stressed, suffering, stuck. In survival, you're re-experiencing your family dynamics growing up again. When I'm working with couples, I tell them, let's have the fight once and get through it. When I'm your private coach, or your coach in the Own Your Voice Society, or your coach in one of my courses, I'm like, can we just make This trigger, your bitch, once and for all, please and thank you very much, so you don't have to keep reliving it and having that pattern play out. It's real. You might lose people. Your standards, you might be too much for some people. You might have people trying to get you to submit. Down girl. You might have people trying to punish you. That's the version of in trouble as adults. You can't get in trouble, but you can have people in your lives trying to punish you so you'll do their will over following your right to trust yourself and be all of who you are. People might withhold their love. People might try to tell you off and get you to submit, or do the Down girl thing. But see, for me, if that happens— hasn't happened in a long time— but if it does, and when it has, I'm like, oh, they are showing me who they really are and that this is not a fit. I'm not taking it personally. I'm not taking it on like I'm actually too much. And so back to my client whose husband was cheating on her, and she's leveled Which she has every right to be. She's afraid if she gets really aligned with the truth of who she is, she's going to lose even more than she already has. And what I'm telling her is, no, if you can survive survival, you can survive alignment. And from alignment, all you get is information that was already there. They're showing you who they are. And then you get to decide, am I— back to the original graphic here— going to stay in survival mode or graduate into healed and healing? And just like we were talking about yesterday on day 3, healed you is comfortable. Anywhere on this map. One more quick peek. Healed you is comfortable any on anywhere on this map. Healed you knows it's all good news. Healed you knows joy is your right. Healed you knows life isn't happening for you and you're not being tested. You just have an opportunity to demand of yourself the real you that remembers who the fuck she is, resting in joy, gets to lead this moment. Just like all the rest of them, and nobody dies because you said, "I'm going to be the joyfully fulfilled, healed, peaceful, loving best of me." Even now, joy isn't going to push people away from you that are healthy and that want a healthy relationship with you. Joy isn't going to mean you're loved less. Joy is going to show you who in your life is loving themselves too and wants healed too, and who in your life is committed to survival and not loving themselves well, which will mean they won't be able to love you well. Joy doesn't hurt people. Joy doesn't sabotage. Survival hurts people. Survival sabotages. My 11-year-old has the guts, if friends are behaving badly, to say words out of her mouth. She is a little unsilent woman who is actually 4 inches taller than me at 11, so she's not that little, but she has a freaking voice, man, and she'll tell her friends, this isn't how I do things. I respect you. I deserve respect. Could you imagine being 11 and knowing yourself that well and honoring yourself like that and respecting yourself like that and taking care of yourself like that in your relationships? I didn't have the ability to be so regulated. Nothing could dysregulate me. To the point where I stayed dysregulated when I was raising my oldest. Oh, but I do now. It's unbelievable to be a parent, to be a wife, to be a business owner so committed to emotional healing and emotional regulation that you stay the joyful you through the good, through the bad, through the ugly, through the moments that go your way, through the moments that don't go your way. I say it all the time, the moments that knock the wind out of you and the moments that take your breath away, all are so important and all deserve this you. Shit's going down, I ask myself, Rebecca, who are you gonna be Now, when life's going down, I want you asking yourself, who am I gonna be now? Healed or survival me? Who are you gonna be? And it isn't A bad thing when you catch yourself in survival. It's not we're gonna beat yourself up and what's the matter with me? How did this happen again? I need you giving yourself so much love, and right now I want you literally, as long as you're not driving, to close your eyes and give yourself an actual hug right now. And I'm going to take you on a little journey. You are everything you've ever needed. You are the source of your safety and your security and your right to a happy, free, beautiful life. You do not have to fear the good. It is safe to open up your capacity to receive the good, to receive the joy, and to trust the joy. And nobody is going to take anything away from you because you got too happy. And life— God isn't going to punish you because you got too happy or too real on your worst day. You remembering who the fuck you are is the best gift you could give yourself in every life in front of you. And I need you giving yourself more love and grace and compassion in the moments you want to be super hard on yourself. And I want you to let yourself receive support so it's not all on you all the time, and to trust that's safe. And I want you to experience hot, healed, healthy love, but it all starts with how much are you going to give you, because you won't be able to receive beyond what you give yourself. What you're receiving is reflecting back to you how you show up for you, period, end of story. You're so beautiful, and there is quite literally nothing that could go down that you can't lead, that you can't navigate, and that you can't handle. And when you're the joyful you, you handle it so much better. You're magnificent, and your family needs you healed, bringing emotional safety into your home. Your business needs you healed so you can make the impact and the difference you were born to make. And if you're with me, what do I know about you? You have a dream of family, and you have a dream of service. You aren't here to do all this work just so you get yours. You are here because you know there are people that need you at home and at work and in the world. And you are right about that. That is not confusing. You are meant to do extraordinary things. You are meant for your life to be on your terms. You are meant to rest in and remember who the fuck you really are. Whether people get it, approve of it, like it, can handle it or not, you can handle it. Sometimes you just pretend like you can't. You can handle it when you hit the part of you that goes into fight and wants to blame and lash out and it's their fault. You can handle it when you go into flight and you want to run away and play God and be the savior and take care of everybody else. And distract yourself from what you really want and need. You can handle it when you find yourself in freeze and you don't feel like you even have a voice or power, and you don't want to remember you're capable and strong. And you can handle it when there's a genuine moment and the lightning bolt of anger strikes. And you can handle it when fear is trying to take you over and get you right back into survival so you can stay comforted and comfortable and small and not have to prove to yourself what a badass you are in this moment. And you can handle it when grief feels so big you can hardly breathe. And you can handle, even in lifey moments, getting excited about what you're creating and who you're becoming. And you can handle radiating joy out of every single pore, every single cell. Joy gets to pour out of you. Happiness just means you know you can handle fight, flight, freeze, anger, fear, grief, joy, and excitement. Happiness means you have a healthy relationship with all 8. I can be happy and grieving. I can be happy and catching myself in fight. I can be happy and catching myself in flight. I can be happy and catching myself in freeze. Happy with anger, happy with fear, happy with excitement, happy with joy. That's happiness, and that's your right. Take 3 deep breaths. 1, 2, 3. Open your eyes. Happiness is the point. Joy is the point. So last thing we're gonna do today, go back to the number one thing you said you wanted and find what's been in the way. Where haven't you had a healthy relationship with fight, flight, freeze, anger, fear, grief, excitement, joy? Because that's the only reason you don't have it yet. Spoiler alert: it hasn't been emotionally safe. It isn't that you didn't do it right or you didn't do enough; it's that it hasn't been emotionally safe. Your nervous system doesn't feel safe. It feels safer in whatever zone here you've been defaulting to instead. Of this, and it doesn't make you wrong. It makes you human, and it's just that nobody told you there was a better way. So here I am, the voice of possibility and healing, saying I don't care what it is, healing is possible. And I don't need evidence to prove to me I was allowed to be joyful or it's working. I'm going to stay here no matter what because this is who I am and what I do. And I'm going to be the emotionally clear channel, feeling my way through these feelings and then these emotions so I can get back to clear, so the best of me can navigate the moment. And my best is always enough, and your best is always enough. Joy is your right. We don't have to be afraid of it, but we do have to understand what's in the way of it. And trust it's safe to be that version of ourselves, no matter what. There's literally nothing you're gonna lose because you were emotionally clear and healed. All you're gonna see is where you were attached, what your preferences are, and you're gonna get a lot of information about the people in your life and who they really are and where they are in consciousness. And whether or not they want to love you back. I don't lose people very often, and I don't write them off or push them away or break up with them without doing my work to be healed first and give them a chance to grow with me. So if they left my life, they did not want to have a healed, intimate, deep, rich relationship. So I didn't lose. They did. They're missing out, not me. I'm going to leave you with that thought today. Day 5 is big. It's going to really be a day where we feel into what it's like to be safe with ourselves, literally no matter what, so that we're free to keep and receive and enjoy. Who we've become, who we really are, and what we're creating. And I'm telling you, there isn't a moment that you can't enjoy the shit out of, whether it's going your way or not. And I can't wait to be with you tomorrow. I love you so much.